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IT ALL STARTED WHEN, TIRED OF HIS FIANCÉE'S JEALOUSY,

JEAN ARTHUR BONAVENTURE INVENTED A RIVAL TO HER.

HE WANTED TO TEASE HER, BUT IT BACKFIRED.

THE CASTAWAYS OF TURTLE ISLAND

HE GAVE THE IMAGINARY RIVAL

A NAME SIMILAR TO HIS COLLEAGUE'S FIANCÉE'S.

HER NAME WAS ETIENNETTE, HE CALLED HIS LISETTE.

Jean Arthur...

HE COULD HARDLY GUESS WHERE THIS WAS GOING TO TAKE HIM.

- How are you? - Bad.

It's Yolande, she pisses me off.

So do you. Where did you put my book?

There before your very eyes.

- I'll lend it to you! - No need to get so nervous!

Honestly, you piss me off as well.

You got some cheek!

This book is mine.

Excuse me, I'd like to get some information about a cruise.

Certainly. Where?

Consquitador...

- Pardon? - Consquitador.

Conquistador!

Just a second.

Good choice, it's a very beautiful cruise,

Conquistador is.

Package 101, porthole, shower and toilet: FF 1,196.

301, porthole, shower and toilet: FF 2,852.

401, porthole, bathtub and toilet: FF 4,123.

It's here, information deck. You see?

- Is my book there? - Piss off, ask fatso!

So you see... 401, porthole, bathtub and toilet: FF 4,123.

The information deck is... right here...

No, it's here...

Well, somewhere there.

The best one is the grand salon,

501, porthole, bathtub and shower: FF 5,500.

You got anything without porthole? I can get fresh air up on the deck.

So you want package 1106.

Yes, you know... I'll go to the deck for fresh air.

In that case, there's package 1106 for FF 874.

But could I organise my cruise by myself?

By yourself? You mean, you're going by yourself?

If you want to go by yourself, forget everything I said.

- Where do you want to go? - To Yucatan.

Yucatan!

- When do you want to go? - February 15.

What time?

At about 6 pm.

In a minute, we'll see if that's possible.

CN Airlines operates three flights: 16:50, 18:15, 19:45.

18:15.

Good, shall we do it?

Who's speaking?

- Wasn't he with you? - No, he wasn't.

So he was telling me the truth!

He was with a certain Lisette Benoit, who works for Olivetti.

Yeah, but how do you know that?

I went to Olivetti yesterday, but she wasn't working.

Anyway, sorry for bothering you.

OK... do you want to speak to him?

No! Please don't tell him I called you.

Once again, I'm sorry.

What's your name?

Who was that?

Who was that?

Lisette.

I don't know anyone called Lisette.

Are you sure?

A certain Lisette Benoit, from Olivetti.

What kind of a joke is that?

I made that up, I didn't want to tell Yolande I was with you.

Felt like teasing her a bit. So that was...

That was Yolande on the phone. And she asked me not tell you.

Actually, for your information, I should tell you

she went to Olivetti yesterday. There is a Lisette Benoit there.

Yolande must've spoken to her and she didn't understand a thing.

You'll get in trouble.

- Hey! Jean Arthur! - Etiennette.

How are you? What are you doing here?

I just came by to say hello.

That's nice.

I also wanted to ask you...

if you know a girl called Lisette who works here.

It's a big company. I don't know everyone.

Why do you ask that?

Just like that... nothing important...

I just thought: "Well, why don't I ask her..."

How can I find her?

Go to Personnel, one floor up, and ask for Mr Cletienne.

- I'm looking for Mr Cletienne. - That's me.

Could you give me some information?

By all means, if I can help.

- Thank you. It's about my sister. - Your sister? Who's she?

My sister is Lisette Benoit.

Lisette Benoit... yes, she works here.

I incidentally found out that she works here.

She ran away and I've been looking for her.

So is she here?

Of course, Mr Benoit.

- No, Bonaventure. - Bonaventure?

My name is Bonaventure, Lisette's is Benoit, she married Roger.

Someone else asked me the same thing yesterday.

I think I still have her registration number on me.

Here, it's 027 67 15.

Could I see her now?

It's difficult during working hours.

Let's see. It's 5:40, the staff leave between quarter to and ten to.

- I can let her know. - Thank you.

6th floor, Legal Department.

- Thank you. - Goodbye.

She's in the next office.

- Lisette? - Yes?

You're looking for Lisette Benoit?

Yes, she's my sister. I was wondering if I could...

This gentleman.

Hello.

Could we have a quick word? It's very important.

You can save my life unknowingly.

I'm off in 10 minutes. Meet me downstairs.

OK, I'll do that.

What's your name?

Jean Arthur.

I like it.

My father gave me that name.

He wanted it to rhyme. His name is Fernand Bonaventure.

He wanted something poetic for me: Jean Arthur Bonaventure.

That's very nice.

What are you having?

A rum.

What would you expect me to have?

A rum, please.

We also have funny names at home.

Like what, for instance?

Irenee Nestor. Isn't that funny?

Yes, that's funny too.

It doesn't rhyme,

but it's cool.

Listen, I don't really understand what you want.

If your girlfriend turns up,

I won't be able to pretend. I can't lie.

I couldn't possibly make her believe I'm your girlfriend.

You could try.

I can't lie. I simply can't.

If you're not used to lying, it's kind of difficult.

It'll be easier to do the real thing.

I find you handsome, I like blonde men with blue eyes.

My boyfriend left two weeks ago.

I really want to have sex with you.

Thank you.

Two more, please.

So?

I'm going to sleep so well!

Hey, is that a nightshirt?

- Well it's a shirt... - It's all torn. Look at that!

- You did that. - Did I?

You tear me all apart.

Don't start.

Or you'll get some kisses.

At home, we don't wear nightshirts.

Neither do we. I'm the only one.

That's funny.

Where did you get that?

Was it your grandfather's?

- It's my fetish shirt. - Fetish!

When I don't have it on...

Don't rip it!

Look at that.

I don't like my men to wear nightshirts. Take it off!

Come take it off.

No, you're gonna rip it.

You don't want to play? Boring!

Listen, I have an idea. I'd like to go out.

Where shall I take you?

I'll take you to a great club called Castel's.

Castel's?

What's that?

It's a very fashionable club.

A textiles club? A sales reps club? Not my kind of place.

- What do you mean? - I don't know...

I'll tell you what, I have some Brazilian friends here.

They're very cool people.

I'd like to go see them this afternoon, if you agree.

- Can we dance there? - Sure.

- Take that off. - How about your...

No! You're gonna rip it! Stop it.

You're tickling me!

I'm not tickling you.

Take that off.

Come on, take that off!

Who could that be?

Speaking.

Ah, it's y...

Yes, I was sleeping.

No. Panting?

That's because I had a nightmare.

Yes, I'm alone.

Alone!

No, I'm alone. That's...

No, I was...

You wake me up like that...

A woman!

Who's that talking?

My sister.

- Me? Your sister? - Please, be nice.

My half-sister. That's why I never... Yes.

- Half-sister? - Come on!

I had a nightmare, she came to see me straightaway.

We've had sex all night and now I'm your sister!

What am I doing?

She's talking...

She's talking nonsense.

Give me that, I want to speak to her.

Just a second.

Listen, I must ask you to leave my husband alone.

You woke him up to bother him with your stories.

Stop pestering him!

Don't bother him and leave us alone.

He's my husband.

I can't believe women!

Why don't you try to find somebody else?

It's always the same with you!

- It's the 1st time we've had sex! - The 1st time?

"Always the same"...

Always the same? Not always the same.

What?

- Who's your woman? Me or her? - She's my sister.

- She's your sister and so am I! - I didn't say that.

What's going on?

I told her you were my sister... No, I told you...

You!

When you go to work, you say: "I'm off to work, hon."

But in fact you're fooling around while I'm here!

I'm not fooling around. My sister wanted to know how I was!

That proves it!

That proves what?

- That proves it. - Proves what?

She's just called!

Who?

- She has just called! - That was my sister.

Your sister? I'm your sister and now she's your sister?

You're not my sister, she is. I said: "That's my sister."

Now you're telling me she's your sister.

- Why did she call? - To ask how I was.

Right... And she kept calling you "darling".

- You can call a brother darling. - Darling? A brother?

Why?

- You don't call your brother darling? - No.

I'm sorry, but in my family we call each other "my darling".

How strange!

You can say "darling", but there are ways and ways of saying it.

You think I say it in a special way?

You say it to me the same way you said it on the phone.

Because I was panting!

Panting?

That's an excuse...

Not at all! She's my sister, so I said...

I didn't even say "darling"!

You couldn't say it, I was sitting next to you!

- You were sitting next to me? - I'm here.

I know you are!

If I wasn't here, she'd be lying in my bed.

Not my sister! She'd be...

But I'm your sister as well! Come on...

You're my big sister! You're my darling little sister.

It's over now.

Wait.

There.

- The nerve! - So you don't have to answer...

- That's not it! - Vicious!

Now we can sleep all night without being disturbed.

Sleep all night...

I'd rather get a divorce. I'm fed up with all this.

A divorce! We first slept together last night!

What kind of a girl is that?

That proves it!

What? You've been saying that for an hour now!

I'm fed up, you hear? Fed up!

Because of you, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't do anything.

- Come here, it's over. - I'm fed up...

I'm dying to take a wee.

- It's over there. - Over there?

I don't want you to see me naked.

- We've had sex all night. - That's not the same thing.

What do you want? I can't do that for you!

Come on...

Here.

- Good. - Put this on.

That's sweet. Thanks, darling.

I nearly saw them.

You'll see nothing at all.

Absolutely nothing!

There.

Who's that girl?

A black girl.

You like black women?

Well yes...

I can't...

For no special reason...

I mean, it's...

Beautiful hair. I'll grow my hair into an Afro.

Look.

This is a friend of mine.

- What's her name? - Marise.

Hello, Marise.

The Caribbean... Those far-away countries...

I'd love to go somewhere sunny.

So would I.

I'm sick of living in this country.

You make no friends, no pals... Everybody's so grumpy!

Me too, when I have enough money, I'll go there.

I don't get it.

You fools work for a travel agency, but never travel.

It should be easier for you.

What's stopping us from exploring desert islands?

You make me laugh. There are no more desert islands!

On desert islands, you see plastic bottles,

people do water-skiing on oil slicks,

coconuts come in cans and there's no more fish in the sea.

- What? - No more fish in the sea!

No more fish in the sea?

Well I know places where you don't have to work.

You can catch fish with your own hands.

If you reach out a bit higher, you can pick mangoes.

Hey Fatso,

wouldn't you like to go to a desert island

and live on love and fresh water?

I mean, she's right...

Wouldn't that tempt you?

Wake up, Big Ben Teddy Crusoe.

Shut up. I have an idea.

Excuse me.

Listen, at the agency we can see that people want

something exotic and unexpected.

Unexpected, yeah.

No one has ever had the idea to offer a holiday programme

that has no programme.

If we whisk people off to a place where they can only eat and drink,

I'm sure they'll pay FF 2,590 for three weeks.

Is that a bet?

Even if they have to find their own food. I'm sure!

Hang on...

I have an idea!

Wait a minute, it's my idea.

Are they always like that?

A great idea! We could sell it to the agency and make some money.

I want a new Renault 16 for my holidays.

Big Teddy in a family saloon car!

So what? Listen, pal. You'll never see me walk!

It's people like you that...

I'm having drinks.

There!

♪ O que ♪

♪ é que a baiana tem? ♪

What?

That one.

So we've come up with an idea...

You know that we sell classic products all day long.

For instance, a trip to Guadalajara, Mexico for FF 2,250,

hotel with breakfast included.

The fifteen-day Rio package for FF 5,080,

"Saudade do Brasil".

The Inca temples in twelve days, round trip Paris-Paris.

Bangkok, FF 2,850, penetration price.

That includes a trip to Payuta and Yata.

Departure by coach at 9 am, then back to Bangkok for a day.

Listen, I know all that.

All day long we also sell products that are less traditional.

The Amazon cruise, up the Zaire River in a pirogue.

- Nomalisation... - Nomadisation, right.

Of the Mauritanian tribes.

It's not "of", it's "with". They're nomads.

Yeah, that's right.

Sir, we can... at least we think we can go even further.

You see, in modern life...

In current modern life,

we're weighed down by trivial, minor emotions.

We think there's a need for unforgettable, unique emotions.

Yeah... unique.

Grandiose emotions.

How?

If in the jungle

or in foul marshes,

you find yourself not knowing how to eat, drink...

Sleep. How to sleep as well.

All these everyday life things, I won't name them all.

As he said, things that are trivial in a city context,

but once you're out there...

Well, the idea is: I get some people

and drop them on a desert island.

In the Caribbean.

There are no more desert islands.

Are you kidding me?

Nowadays, they build air-conditioned hotels

for curler-haired American grannies.

You're exaggerating, Mr Richon. There are some left.

We'll force people to fend for themselves

and this product will be called Robinson Crusoe.

Actually, I can't say it's not an interesting idea.

But you see, I don't make any decisions.

I run this agency, that's all.

But perhaps

I can arrange for you to meet the managing director,

if you want to sell your idea.

Boissier?

Is Mr Nottingham in Paris at the moment?

Are you leaving at one?

I've just arrived. Book me on the 5 o'clock flight.

There are a few letters to sign.

I've already told you, that can wait till next week!

- Mr Leblanc said it was urgent. - Mr Leblanc is an idiot!

So what am I supposed to do?

Mr Bonaventure?

What are you doing for lunch?

- Nothing. - Have lunch with me.

Yes, Mr Nottingham.

And you, of course.

Where are you going to find the desert islands?

In the Caribbean.

There are a few places.

Virgin Islands, Tobago...

If for instance...

There's something else to be considered.

The insurance.

When you offer a product, say crossing Thailand on foot,

the insurance companies will cover you

because you can provide enough security guarantees...

If you know the expedition leaders, and so on.

Do you smoke?

Yes, thank you.

Sorry.

The insurers accept to cover us

because our expedition leaders are reliable.

They're local people, who know the country, the customs, etc.

The insurers agree to cover us.

But...

your Robinson Crusoe project

is entirely about the unexpected.

We can say to the insurers...

It actually falls into the four S's.

Sun, sea, sand

and sex.

We had thought about the three first ones, but not...

I'm sorry.

Robinson Crusoe only had Friday.

Are you not well?

Shall we ask someone to open the window?

I would be unwise to discard your project as uninteresting,

as you're telling me the passengers will find their own subsistence.

- Is that right? - Absolutely.

I think that's quite a clever idea.

We usually have very narrow profit margins.

What shall we do?

I scribbled a short text about Robinson Crusoe.

I've lost it and my sister's waiting. Sort it out with the copywriter.

OK, I'll take care of everything.

Do your best and it'll be fine.

We also thought up something else. You said they'd have nothing...

So we came up with "For Robinson, a nail is a nail."

"A nail is a nail", yeah... Perhaps a bit more...

It's along those lines...

Also, highlighting the unknown side of it:

"Robinson's island: all we know about it is nothing."

Yeah, that's closer.

Do you like it?

It's more like what I'd imagined: "Nothing assured for FF 3,000."

We could have something like: "FF 3,000, nothing included."

That's interesting.

And I had another idea, my favourite one, really catchy:

"Robinson, fend for yourself."

Double page.

On this page...

we'll put an island here.

Water.

A palm tree.

Do you like it?

And we can put the sign after the double page.

The sign here...

- It reads: "Robinson..." - Good.

I love it.

It's very big and that's important.

And we'll be able to put a caption here.

And the catch line...

What's that catch thing?

The slogan.

"FF 3,000, nothing included."

Great. And "Robinson: fend for yourself".

My friend, the directors are interested in your idea.

Especially Mr Nottingham.

You're both going on a study trip, Dupoirier and yourself.

Me, Mr Richon?

- We're going on a study trip. - Who?

Well, us!

- What? A study trip? - A study trip.

- The head office in London? - The Caribbean.

It's Good Friday.

You can leave, let's see... on Tuesday, the 9th.

That gives you the weekend to get organised.

You'll get it done in three weeks.

Book your tickets now, on 253 to Fort-de-France or Pointe-à-Pitre.

No, no...

I had the idea and all... but I never wanted to...

I just wanted to help the agency, not to travel myself...

I'm not qualified to go

and I'm getting married next month...

Listen, pal, you're just an employee!

Damn!

What the fuck am I gonna do? Lose my job or lose my fiancée?

What am I gonna do? What the fuck am I gonna do?

Excuse me, sir.

Aren't you Mr Jean Arthur Bonaventure?

- I am. - I thought so.

- Why? - Bernard Dupoirier, Joel's brother.

Little Teddy! Big Teddy's brother!

It's nice of you to come see him off!

- No, I'm going. - Going on a holiday?

No, I'm going with you.

To work with us?

I'm going alone with you.

How do you mean?

You're going alone with me? Isn't he going?

What? Isn't he going with me? Where's he now?

Right now, he's in the lavatory.

We're leaving in 10 minutes and he's in the lavatory? Jesus!

Where's the lavatory?

Mum didn't want him to go because he's sick.

Yesterday, it was the fiancée, today, the mother!

And he hides in the lavatory!

- What's all this? - I was in the lavatory.

I'm talking about the trip!

My brother is going in my place.

He doesn't know the job!

He was a cook on an aircraft carrier in Toulon for 18 months.

And the tickets?

His name is Dupoirier, isn't it?

- How about Richon? - I'll handle him.

This was your idea, you're going!

We need a brain in Paris, that's me.

A brain!

- Excuse me, immediate boarding. - Go get my luggage.

- See? He's very helpful. - I don't care!

- I'm not going. - You are!

This was your idea!

Where are you going?

To send a postcard to Mum and Joel to say I've arrived safely.

You must have travelled a lot.

Not so much.

A few holiday trips with Mum and Joel.

We go to Spain quite often.

You're a cook on big ships, aren't you?

I was a navy cook. In Toulon. I mean, canteen staff.

That's also tropical vegetation.

This one.

This one.

I like that one.

With this one, I'm sure...

I'll keep this one.

And you can have that one.

It was stupid of them to send me here.

And even more stupid of me to agree to come.

Big Teddy is a happy bastard, with his Etiennette, his slippers,

his chocolate charlottes.

What am I doing here?

What am I doing in this place I don't even know?

And you?

What are you doing with me? You never even left the Toulon harbour!

True, I've never gone past Morillon, except to have a swim.

We won't get far this way!

Don't worry, we'll be fine.

In the name of the King of France,

I take possession of these unknown lands.

Here we shall plant banana trees

coffee trees

and sugar cane.

We shall have black Africans sent over

to work for us.

Thus,

we shall ensure the prosperity of the Kingdom.

Long live the King!

In the name of the Republic,

slavery will be abolished.

The right to vote will be guaranteed to everyone,

and everyone will have access to the public health service.

We shall build roads, hospitals, schools,

hotels, marinas, pizzerias, drugstores

and also airports,

thanks to which, we'll dump hordes of tourists here by charter flights.

Thus, we shall make substantial profits,

beneficial to all, naturally.

Because each person is free to invest their capital.

Long live the Republic!

You don't know what you're looking for?

We don't. There's no bananas and we can't only give them fish.

There's no water. We looked everywhere.

We did.

You know, there are hundreds of Caribbean islands.

A friend of mine knows them well. He's not far.

- He's got a boat? - Yes, a Baltic Trader.

If you want, we can get in touch with him.

Hello Aventure, Rescator calling.

Rescator calling Aventure. Do you read?

Rescator, I read loud and clear.

Hello Serge, this is Babi.

We're near Petite Terre. I have a couple of friends on board.

We'd like to have a planteur.

I'd prefer a daiquiri.

A pina colada for me.

Daiquiri or pina colada.

We'll be right there.

You think they can hear us?

Do you know a desert island?

What did he say?

There: "Our efficient ad has born fruit, many have signed up.

"Directors have decided to try it at once

"with the first group Jinristou."

Our holidays are over.

"They'll arrive on the 15 of this month."

What's the date today?

"Bernard should come to Paris to take care of the group.

"Joel."

End of quote.

I'll take things in hand, supervise everything.

And you know what you have to do.

A WEEK LATER...

Is everybody here?

Is everybody here?

What?

There's no what?

Is everybody here?

Why do you keep doing this?

Good.

- How many are there? - So far, only her.

How do you mean?

My brother said there'd be just under ten of them at Orly.

I only found her.

Is that "taking things in hand"? Where are the others?

My brother didn't give me the sign, so I couldn't spot them at Orly.

They may have gone elsewhere.

Seychelles, the Azores... I mean, the Comoros...

I actually found her by chance on the plane.

He knows an adventure needs planning!

Is your desert island far away?

What desert island?

Oh yeah, I don't know. We'll wait for the others outside.

This way.

Is that the coach?

Not very swanky, but it's only for tonight. It's not far.

Little Teddy, put the suitcases in the back.

Come on round the back.

You give them to me?

Careful with my guitar.

My hat!

You didn't have to bring your guitar.

Is this Robinson Crusoe? I'm going with you.

I'll get my diving equipment. Be right back.

Go help him, Teddy.

- Here, I'll help you. - Thanks.

- Is it fragile? - Yes, be careful.

I'll take this and the two bags.

- What's all this stuff? - My diving equipment.

This thing's heavy!

Come on, let's go.

Close the door.

- Ready? - Yes.

You nearly missed us.

We're off.

- I said you nearly missed us. - Close thing!

- I was collecting my equipment. - What's all that stuff?

Let's go.

That's not what Robinson is about.

We'll talk about it later.

Are you OK?

We're fine.

This desert island we're going to... this Galantine...

The best one of all islands.

Galantine or whatever...

There's no Galantine.

There's Marie-Galante, but that's not where we're going.

- There. - We're gonna have a laugh with you.

Where are we going?

We're now going to the boat. It's not far, won't take long.

Great.

The captain will be waiting for us.

- Is it a long drive? - No, just about 10 minutes.

Are you OK?

I really didn't feel like coming.

But he wanted to so badly.

I was bored in my company.

We had a row, I quit and instead of looking for a new job, I thought:

"I'll go away for a month,

"get some rest, take a break, do some diving...

"and then I'll see."

Stupid that I am, I followed him.

- Won't you get motion sickness? - No, I'm fine.

- Are you from Paris? - Yes.

I needed some sun, some nature... That's good in winter. I'm exhausted.

- What do you do? - I'm a press attaché assistant.

Such hard work!

Don't mind my asking,

but do you think you'll rest there? I mean, no comfort...

You're sure you're aware of the security conditions?

Security? Why?

You didn't read the leaflet?

We'll be dumped on a desert island and will have to manage alone.

Joyful...

It is joyful! I personally won't get bored.

- This is not an organised holiday? - How do you mean?

I wanted a peaceful holiday village where I wouldn't move.

You're gonna have to move, but it'll be peaceful.

There's no radio, no TV,

no cinema, no water, no beds...

And no men either?

- Pardon me? - No men?

Well that yes...

Hey...

What kind of a coach is this? How did you get it?

It does the Point-à-Pitre Kokoyé route.

The driver's very kind, we made a deal.

He'll drive us to Sous-le-Vent.

Only, we have to call at the station to pick a couple of people.

They may not like that.

Them?

Nonsense, a bit of local colour.

Are they coming with us?

They're gonna get off soon. This is a regular route.

Luckily.

Miss...

Are we there?

The coach has broken down. No more lights.

I'm worried, we must be there in the morning.

We can't drive at night.

- How far are we? - 20 km.

The driver wants to go back to the village.

Too risky in the middle of the night.

After all, there's only 10, 20 km left.

We can carry on, right?

I think I saw a house when we were going through the pass.

Right, I'm sure they'll put us up.

There's only 10 of us. We'll go in the morning.

Is it far?

- No, just over there. - Seriously?

Everybody, please get off.

Get your luggage.

Get the luggage in the back of the car.

OK, you can go.

I can't carry this!

We can't leave it in the car. Three months' savings.

Well you'll carry your savings on your shoulders.

What are you doing?

The light.

Honestly, it's heavy!

Come on.

- Is that all? - Yes.

OK, just follow me.

- Where to? - Just over there, not far.

I'm taking you to a shelter.

It's not far, honestly.

No, let's go. Follow me.

Little Teddy, you lead the way, I'll go behind.

Take the lamp.

Here, I have a lamp.

It doesn't work.

Take these tanks.

Follow Teddy.

Come on this way.

- I'll take the lamp. - Here.

You lead the way.

- Can you see it? - No.

I'm sure it's around here.

I'm telling you it's before the hill.

No, I'm sure it's around here.

Before the hill?

Anyway, it must be less than a kilometre away.

So it's not up hill?

Must be less than a kilometre away.

I remember it's around here, are we on the hill?

I don't know.

I could've gone rock-climbing in Fontainebleau.

Here it is. I told you.

Here's the path. I told you it was around here.

I can't see a thing with that lamp.

The path is waymarked.

Where are we going?

Are we all here?

It's very windy here.

- Is anybody there? - Yes.

I think there's somebody.

They said "yes" when I asked.

It was me, you idiot.

Funny acoustic effect!

So?

Everything's fine.

I'm sure I can hear a noise.

I can't take this! I want to leave this place!

I don't want to stay here!

Calm down.

Already up?

We'll let the little ones sleep.

You up as well?

It's gonna be a beautiful day.

You slept well?

Not really.

You know what I'd really like? Some coffee.

Great... but six hours too late.

May not be too late for coffee, if we can make some inside.

There's nothing inside.

Not a bloody thing.

There's nothing. Only this thing.

No, let's keep it. It can come in handy.

I have the feeling they're a lot less enthusiastic.

The fact that there's no coffee didn't help.

Perhaps there's a leader.

If I find out who...

I think you'll have to talk to them about our next moves.

Hey Mr Artist, no daydreaming now.

It's OK. We'll reach the falls in an hour.

An hour or two.

Alright, Teddy?

Hurry up a bit. Move it.

Hope you're enjoying it.

My shoulder's numb.

My shoulder's numb!

Here.

Take that, it's heavy.

- Are you OK? - Yes.

Come on.

Hurry up. Just one more hour.

You're coming?

Very good.

Shit!

- What's the matter? - I dropped my suitcase.

Hurry up, Teddy.

Still a good hour to go.

Watch out! The suitcase!

I can't believe this!

I'll get it because at this pace...

We'll never get there.

You want me to carry something?

If you don't mind, the little bag.

Come on, quick.

Where are the others now?

Have to do it all myself!

- These natural-born live wires... - Stop moaning!

I find eternal optimists so depressing!

Hurry up!

Hurry up, Teddy!

Are you OK?

- Not afraid anymore? - I'm fine.

Are you helping or what?

Watch out.

Are you happy, girls?

You up there, you coming?

You OK up there?

Come on.

Are you alright?

I'm beginning to have enough of this.

Let's go on till the end. It may get easier.

I hope so.

No, that's OK.

I'll have a word with the hat guy. A month like this...

Stop it. It's sunny and the place is beautiful.

Honestly, I'm sick of this exoticism.

Let that clown get through.

I'll give up. I'm fed up with this, really.

My friends,

now that we've stopped for a rest

surrounded by this sumptuous scenery,

I'd like to make a speech.

A short speech, don't worry.

I believe I have detected in some of you

a few signs of irritability

which I personally think are completely unjustified.

The holiday programmes

offered by ordinary agencies

follow the principle of the three S's.

Sun, sand and sea.

Besides that, we are offering you

the three F's.

Fire, forests, falls.

Obviously,

these natural beauties aren't within everyone's reach.

We could... That's right we could...

We could build motorways

that would be packed with coaches.

You would inevitably find here chlorophyll flavour gum wrappers,

empty bags of crisps,

mineral water bottle caps and sausage skins.

Excuse me.

I find that absolutely charming.

But I think that's not the real problem here.

Personally, I was sold a holiday on a desert island,

not a cross-country hiking session.

It's just a misunderstanding.

Try to see that we came straight from Paris, totally exhausted,

worn out by our shitty lives!

You could at least give me some time to adapt.

You understand?

- May I? - Aren't you guys jet-lagged?

I wanted to say that some pleasures...

Exactly.

I'm getting there. Certain pleasures have to be deserved.

And you were after those pleasures

since you signed up for this expedition.

So I want to tell you this:

if some of you are unable to adapt to the circumstances...

Wait. If some of you are unable to adapt to the circumstances,

you're free to go right now. The road is clear.

You've seen nothing yet.

I've found a shortcut.

Teddy, come here quick!

Let go of me, take care of my foot.

Bloody hell! Come help me.

Come help me.

I'm not joking!

All this for a shortcut.

My friends, behind you, the jungle,

which you've triumphantly crossed among snakes, anacondas, foul marshes.

Ahead of you,

the Caribbean Sea, which is waiting for us.

Rest assured that we've organised everything.

Tomorrow, we will reach

the Caribbean Sea.

Our agency has thought it all out.

- Nice, isn't it? - Very beautiful.

I wasn't expecting that. After the coach, it's a good surprise.

We're not on it yet. You never know...

Will we be on the boat long?

Just a few days.

Is it a long crossing?

Mind your legs when you're getting on it.

- There's no one on the boat? - He's visiting.

A deserted boat.

I'd also like to...

Someone's missing.

He's not here, his bag is gone.

I can see a head there. That's perhaps him diving.

The frogman is the one who's missing, right?

I can't see him.

Maybe that's not him.

- Where is he then? - Perhaps in the toilet.

Yeah, maybe.

Talking about that...

There's not much water on the boat.

So I'd like to ask you

not to use the toilets please.

Do it on the deck, holding on to the guardrail.

Depending on the wind?

Leeward, right?

Just rely on the wind.

You'll have to explain properly.

It's not complicated.

Teddy's a sailor, he'll explain.

I also want to tell you

that the captain is a friend and agreed to use the sails.

I thought that would be truer to the Robinson spirit,

besides being nicer.

When will we row?

If the wind drops.

I think breakfast will be served now.

We get breakfast!

Did you hire him?

No, I even asked you yesterday who he was.

I'm not completely awake.

Coffee's ready!

They're a bit wet but hey...

Why are those goats here?

- What? - The goats on the deck.

Did you order them?

Not at all.

Not the coffee, milk's over there.

Shit! She's pissing on my...

There's no bread.

You know, some people are dirtier than goats.

Picturesque to the last!

I'll loosen it.

Beautiful, huh?

- Cool! - You see? I was right.

It's a billy goat.

Isn't this cool?

Why are you laughing?

What's up there?

- Didn't you see the staysail? - What?

The sails are taut.

That's normal, we're going by sail.

You really believe that?

Of course, that shows it.

Listen a bit.

I can hear a motor!

And even if we didn't have a motor, we couldn't move.

This boat can't tack close to the wind, it only does fair wind sailing.

I can't understand any of that.

You know a lot about sailing?

Yes, I served in the navy.

Did you? Where?

- In Toulon. - I know Toulon.

I was a cook in the canteen, so I had some time to read.

I've always liked sailing, so I've read a lot about it.

- Why put on all this show? - To make it seem real.

I'm not here to pretend.

- We'll see that later. - Right.

- You're always laughing. - This isn't sad.

Do you think the conditions will be good there?

Will the conditions be good where we're going?

Yes, I suppose so.

What's the name of the place?

I don't know.

Haven't you been there before?

No, I haven't. I talked to a sailor about it.

Wasn't everything planned?

He said it was a good desert island that matched my requirements.

I think we'll call it Turtle Island.

But Turtle Island isn't here.

I know that, but that sounds more...

For the imagination, it opens...

"Turtle Island" is a bit buccaneer.

It's swaying hard!

- That's nothing yet. - You think so?

Oh yes! I'm telling you.

- How are you? - I'm fine, I'm used to this.

For me, the problem isn't the swaying, it's...

Are you sick?

Are you OK?

Stop moving, hold on to something.

I'm doing that.

I prefer this side, it's windier.

Everything's fine.

What will we eat tonight, captain?

Fish.

Any fishermen on board? You've caught some fish?

- You guys. - We've caught some fish?

Are there wild animals there? I was told there were.

If you're not feeling well, just say it.

No, I'm fine.

I was taking a nap.

What's in that cask? It says rum.

Well it's a cask of rum.

We're taking it with us because Robinson had rum.

Is the barrel full?

We'll fill it on land with those bottles.

With all that?

It's dangerous to fill it on the boat.

Can I take a swig?

After we've drunk all that, it's gonna be fun.

Like the goats. We've brought them to stay true to the story.

We're gonna milk them? Make cheese?

If necessary, we can use them to make clothes and things.

Two goats for nine people, that's a sock each...

The captain says the island should appear soon.

You can't make out much now, but when you see it, let us know.

Make a big fuss cause I'm not...

No, nothing.

- Are you alright? - Yeah, you too?

You're pale.

OK, I'll leave you alone.

- How are you? - Very well.

Watch out!

It's not that easy.

That was close!

Land!

I don't care, I'm sick.

THE JOURNAL OF A PARISIAN PRESS ATTACHÉ

WHO LONGED FOR SUN AND NATURE IN WINTER

AND WANTED TO GO TO A PEACEFUL HOLIDAY VILLAGE.

It took us almost a week after we'd left Paris

to come within sight of Robinson Island.

At first,

the island seemed welcoming.

The boat was pitching less and I wasn't sick anymore.

I'd got over the misunderstanding that had brought me on this trip

so unlike all my expectations.

But did I feel reassured?

At the time, I refused to admit I was worried

because everyone was euphoric about our arrival.

Great atmosphere.

We may not laugh in a while.

We were to leeward of the island, about to drop anchor.

In a few hours, we'd break links with civilisation for a month.

General distribution of rum!

- Who wants some? - Me!

Women first.

In that gentle roll, we could hardly imagine what awaited us.

Bloody hell!

A month in there! That's scary!

I'm here, hon. Don't worry.

We could go somewhere else.

No way! I'm tired of that.

Come here.

Do you have any valuables?

Give me the money and jewels.

And your bags.

Quick!

The bag.

No, don't bother.

Patrick!

He threw my bag away.

- Are you mad? - He took my money!

And my camera's in it.

- What? - Well, that's my bag.

I've told you twice already. Apparently, I have to explain it

all over again.

Go on, man. Do it!

Two days ago, I said...

- We've arrived! - What? Where?

On the beach.

- Where are you going? - Diving.

- We haven't arrived yet. - Well I'm going.

I've had enough.

Look at that. What the hell is that?

See you in awhile.

If you see a bag...

Are you out of your mind? You're mad!

Throwing bags away!

- Just try to touch my bags. - It's not about your bags.

Money and jewels stay, the bags go

so you won't use them.

Easy there!

What?

You read the ad of the trip, didn't you?

What did it say? "Robinson: fend for yourself!"

So you'll do it... Anyway, you better open your ears!

- Where are my goggles? - No idea!

- I'm only asking. - It's somewhere!

He's a nice guy, but a bit crazy.

He threw all my stuff into the sea!

He only threw one of your bags, you have two.

I hope your milking apron went in the water.

I can always find one on land.

I like the idea, but I'm afraid it's only theory.

I'm not sure he can to it.

I found in the hull

an illustrated children's edition of Robinson Crusoe.

I'll pick a page at random.

You know Robinson Crusoe was a lone shipwreck survivor.

This is what he says when he makes it to the shore.

"I soon found my comforts abate

"and that, in a word,

"I had a dreadful deliverance,

"for I was wet, had no clothes to shift me,

"nor anything either to eat...

"or drink to comfort me,

"neither did I see any prospect before me

"but that of perishing with hunger or being devoured by wild beasts..."

Wild beasts? Are there any here?

- Wild beasts? - Yes, wild beasts.

Silence. Where's that tall guy? Your husband?

He's gone to get the suitcases.

You didn't have to come back on.

Everybody's going in the water.

- Are you kidding? - Not at all!

What did Robinson Crusoe do? He went on shore with nothing.

We'll all do the same.

He was shipwrecked, so why don't we sink the boat?

- Sink the boat? - Yeah, let's do it for real.

It's not our boat.

Otherwise, I would sink it.

Anyway, I'll give everyone one set of clothes.

Whatever you say, they'll stay here if you don't swim to shore.

Like Robinson Crusoe did.

I can't swim...

You shut up! Just shut up now. I'll take you on my back.

You knew I couldn't swim. I'm tired of this.

Just shut up!

Are you done?

I'm warning you, I'll wait as long as it takes till you jump in the water.

Excuse me, your bag's there.

- Where? - There. I fished it back.

I've been trying to stay calm,

but I think this is reaching ridiculous proportions.

I mean, given where the shore is, it'd be pathetic and childish

to play voluntary castaways by swimming out there.

If you can swim, it's nothing.

It's no feat. And if Robinson hadn't been able to swim,

we'd never have heard of him.

This is a whole load of rubbish, I don't want to play at shipwreck.

There are women here, this may not appeal to everyone.

I'm sorry, I think it's absurd! We should land calmly.

Plus I'm terrified. I can't swim. There's no way.

You see?

How about me? Why don't you ask me what I think?

- What? - I like the idea, I want to go.

I'm tired of you moaning. You do that all year long.

You want to swim? Do it. I'm sure he won't stop you.

Everyone's been moaning: the cold, this, that... I want to go.

You want to swim? Go on, do it.

At least we'll leave this boat.

- I'm not doing it. - Stay here.

Here's a suggestion for you two, you swim, you go with her...

and you can have the island, my wife and FF 3,000.

Plus, it'll be a very romantic ending.

Right, honey?

Don't dramatize things.

Don't dramatize! This is ridiculous!

Let's go to land calmly and we'll see what we can do.

What a load of crap! Are we playing at shipwreck?

- Yes, we are. - It's absurd, that's all.

Of course it is. That's why I decided to come here.

Do whatever you like.

I won't jump, I'll go to land calmly and I won't play castaways.

I won't jump either.

That's your business.

- To swim 100 metres! What a feat! - And yet you won't do it.

The principle is totally stupid. What will you prove through this?

If Crusoe hadn't been able to swim,

there'd be no book or anything!

Even if he'd only had to swim 50 m.

Come on, go ahead. Stop wasting time. Go have your dip.

- Are you ready? - I'm ready.

For anything.

I'll come with you.

Not everyone's afraid.

I kept out of that commotion, as it didn't mean much to me.

Little Teddy's cool and self-control were astonishing.

A privileged observer

might have read in his eyes cold determination.

Indeed, in such circumstances, one should get ready for worse.

Could you pass me my suitcase?

And call your boss, please.

Give me my bag, will you?

Sure.

Jean Arthur.

The frogman wants to speak to you.

I want to see the director.

- I'm here. - Good.

- Caught some fish? - Yes, a lot of fish.

You'll see.

Very interesting...

- A bagful, apparently. - Look.

I must be careful, wouldn't want to lose it.

- What kind of fish? - Peeled whole tomatoes.

Look at this one, Dutch beer.

I have something to tell you, I've had enough.

This is a shitty area, there's nothing.

Robinson Crusoe is over. I'm going away.

Besides, Robinson Crusoe was alone, we're in a group.

So I've found a little spot.

I'll take my bag and go camp in the wild.

Back in Paris, I'll get a refund. You guys will hear from me.

I've had more than enough. Keep your seabed to yourself.

Give me my bag.

I've had enough.

You can keep this bag. I don't want it.

You won't find Friday.

While they talk over there, I'll organise the landing.

The tender is exclusively reserved for the goats.

- For the goats? - That's right.

They can't swim.

- Nor can I. - But we need them for the milk.

We'll also have to take the rum, the hammocks, the machetes.

Let's do it.

- What do we do with it now? - Tie it to the tender.

Of course, it was an original trip,

but I wasn't tempted to plunge in the water.

In the meantime, get the machetes, the hammocks, everything.

Julie, help me put them on the tender, they're used to you.

Get the small one, the big one's here.

Mind your hat with the goats.

I hadn't chosen to be unknowingly turned into a savage.

So I skilfully found a way to take all I needed.

Throw the cask rope to me.

Can I release the boat?

The bottles, we'll get them tomorrow on a raft.

We'll make the raft ourselves.

And we'll put the rum in the cask on land.

Let's tie it.

You do it?

Come on, hurry up.

- Why don't you swim to the beach? - Not very clever.

Weren't you a sailor?

Very clever method...

A stroke of genius...

Hold it.

You're better in the kitchen, huh?

He was a cook in Toulon.

I can't start it.

What's practical

is my trousers...

Bye. Bon voyage.

Watch out for the barracudas.

How about the pin-up girl? Won't she swim like the others?

Right, what's she doing there?

Are you goats alright?

Yeah, how about you?

As a sailor, Little Teddy looked hardly excited by the humiliation

of being towed by his own boat.

All of a sudden,

I began to regret my impulsiveness.

Good luck on land.

Suddenly, I realized my recklessness.

It doesn't seem to be easy over there.

We're talking adventure.

No, stay there.

I'll break my back with this cask.

This is almost a shipwreck.

Little Teddy didn't tell me to get back on the tender.

I wonder if he wanted to himself.

It'll soon be dark.

Yeah, it seems so.

The wind was getting cooler.

I began to regret my ingenious initiative.

What was going to happen on board now?

Grab the rope.

OK, that's fine.

An incredible current!

- There's a current? - Jesus!

- Where's the goat girl? - Stayed there with her stuff.

What? I threw it all in the sea!

And I fished it back.

I try to organise everything and...

Anyway, I'm not letting Teddy spend the night alone.

It's completely stupid to swim to shore at this time.

Too dangerous, you get shoved about, there are rocks, waves...

Why can't you be reasonable and take the tender?

It's out of the question, the tender for me is over.

You heard me. I was very clear!

You got that? No tender! Now listen, I'm going tonight.

I'll give you till tomorrow at 10 to decide.

And there's no point trying to bribe the sailors.

I'll let you think about it.

What shall we do?

I was as precise as I could be. My position is very clear.

Do whatever you want. I'll wait for the tender.

But they're saying it's broken.

Let's wait till it's light again, time often sorts things out.

I still think this can be a good experience.

Good start of the experience...

Come on, let's not go there again. Give us a break!

I don't care, I'm going to bed.

- Fine, I'm going back to Paris! - Go then!

No regrets?

- He's mad! - He jumped!

I can't believe it.

See you tomorrow.

He has panache.

He's going to drift...

It's taking him a bit long.

Plus I think he's drifting.

There are strong currents around these islands.

Can you see him?

I think so.

He's going over to the other side of the tip.

- You think so? - Yeah.

He'll only see us if we make a fire. But how?

Wait, I think there's a lighter in my bag.

If it's not wet...

You think of everything, don't you?

I'd forgotten about that.

Do you think you could lend me a shirt or something?

Will this do?

Darkness was now about to surround us.

Fear was taking over me.

Teddy seemed darker than night itself.

Just as I didn't let my fears show, he could be hiding his.

Did he know this island?

My childhood books came back to my memory.

Remembering the skeleton in Treasure Island made me shiver.

I was expecting to see Captain Flint any minute.

This fantasy of my imagination made me realize how lonely we were

and how abandoned.

My companion probably shared my feeling of isolation.

He must have been struggling not to let it show.

It turns on its driving lights, but not fog lights...

He even made jokes to make us forget our distress.

Your ad should have been about Paul and Virginia,

not Robinson Crusoe.

We've been shipwrecked.

And where are we going to sleep?

We'll go to the hammock hotel.

Terrified by the wild beasts and their nocturnal noises,

I obviously didn't sleep a wink.

But in the morning, I found out something worrying had happened.

Bernard...

The boat's gone.

- What boat? - Wake up!

The boat's gone!

The boat?

Perhaps it was badly anchored and went round the tip.

That's bad.

Where could this bloody boat possibly be?

And what's happened to Bonaventure?

I hope he hasn't drowned.

We'll have to go look for him.

Easier said than done.

An impassable cliff prevented us from going

where Bonaventure had disappeared.

We had to walk up the stream to go round the obstacle.

A few hours later, having gone 400 m above sea level,

we found a passage that led to the east of the island.

Impressive, huh?

We're at the edge of the cliff.

A huge walk to cover such a small distance!

We're on the other side of the cliff.

Retracing our steps, we found his hat, which partly reassured us.

At least, he hadn't drowned.

But there was no indication

that he hadn't fallen down the steep trails we'd walked along.

I know we'll find him.

If he didn't fall off the cliff.

And who would have heard him scream as he fell

and then howl in agony.

A terrible vision came over me.

If he'd escaped the treacherous sea, he'd surely perished

smothered by an anaconda.

School kids!

Although no longer castaways, we still wanted to find him.

We looked for him everywhere.

We'll have gone around the island.

Nothing tragic seemed to have happened to him.

Was he brooding over this non-desert island, yet not disenchanted?

This will be my last village.

Why was he hiding?

That's the best one yet!

How on earth did he land here?

What are they doing there?

The press attaché. She's all cute!

What are you doing here?

Lazing in the sun.

We landed on a fishing boat.

One of those that have a palm frond as a sail, you know?

Okébé wanted to go because his boat was tripping the anchor.

Dragging it.

And the shallows, so he split.

He took that couple with him,

the guy with the guitar and the redhead.

They never stopped quarrelling.

Nice weather, huh?

Suzie and I, nothing to do with Robinson Crusoe.

Nothing really, Paul and Virginia more like.

What's become of what's-his-name?

- Who? - Bonaventura.

Couldn't care less.

- Are you alright? - Yes.

- How did you get here? - Me?

I felt aspiration.

"Inspiration".

You know I'm musician.

And boat come to fish, small boat, we see fisher...

A fisherman.

We came here

and I make music with children.

What's the name of guy with beard?

And hat.

This one?

The hat, yeah!

He did foolish thing.

Big mess.

What did he do?

He ate bananas.

He ate a lot of bananas.

You can't eat bananas here?

You can, but it was plantation, with owner.

The owner arrived

and asked him to pay for bananas he ate.

He had no money, started terrible mess.

Big mess.

And now, he's in jail.

In jail for that?

In jail, him in jail.

He had no money to pay for bananas he ate.

In jail where?

There's everything here. There's village.

It's inhabited. Understand?

There's village, there's police, police station, everything.

Can we go there?

- What day is it? - Friday.

Are you OK?

Let me kiss you.

- Is this all that's left? - I'll explain later.

Give me his hat.

Here, we found your hat.

That's how we knew you hadn't drowned.

I had an idea for a very original holiday package.

While I was there thinking.

But first, we have some formalities to fulfil.

It'll be hard for the Robinsons in the city.

"Robinson: fend for yourself"...

We'll see how they manage.

We must start getting ready now.

Shall we go?

So how did you guys manage?

We met lots of Fridays, we did some bartering...

Julie had her passport in her bag.

You always find a way.

Thanks to that we really played at Robinson.

It was the real thing. But the way it began...

I can assure you you have nothing to regret.

You'd have had to make a speech for every coconut.

"This coconut..."

Wait, we still have some formalities to fulfil.

No, they must see it when they come in.

The catalogues.

Are they still in the boxes?

Chill out a bit. Get off my back a few seconds.

I'm taking things in hand here.

I remember where that took us the first time.

Wait a minute, you have some cheek!

If you hadn't screwed up, we wouldn't have been fired.

Did I force them to pay for the return flight?

There's no need to shout, there are clients around.

You don't want people to think we're crooks.

- There's something wrong. - What is it?

- You said 190 by 250. That's not it. - Let's have a look.

- Everything OK? - Yes.

But I have a little problem...

I have no time now. Sorry.

We must put brackets, not nails, or it won't look good.

- Is that the right height? - Yes.

50 cm brackets?

50 cm brackets and that's all.

Nothing else.

Two 50 cm brackets, a shelf and that's it.

- Wall plugs? - Won't hold. Something more solid.

Let's do it.

What's this?

It's plaster, we can do it.

Shut up!

It's from the board.

I can get a cheaper licence.

Shut up, please.

- What's this doing here? - Leave it there, dammit!

- You've opened, you know nothing! - I'll ask the director.

Mr Bonaventura, I have a problem about a special rate.

I don't have the information.

You are our first client

so the agency will give you a 15% discount without hesitating.

25 even.

How kind! It won't come from my pocket. Dad's paying.

It's my birthday present, with the car.

I'll tell him when he gets back.

He'll be happy, he's had some expenses...

I've seen that face somewhere.

You! Fancy that!

We'll talk about that island later.

- Frogman. - Dad is not a frogman.

That's right. I didn't swim back, I took a banana boat.

We'll talk about anything you want later,

but never pronounce the word banana in my presence!

You hear? Never the word banana!

PLEASURES & TRIPS