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00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:02,903
EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS #058
"Everybody Hates Gretzky"
Closed Captioned
2
00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:05,106
CHRIS ROCK:
Since I was the oldest kid
in the house,
3
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:06,574
whenever something went wrong
with Drew and Tonya,
4
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:11,212
I got blamed.
5
00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:13,281
What in the world
is going on in here!
6
00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:15,649
Drew and Tonya just ran through
and knocked all this stuff down.
7
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:16,517
Well, you know better
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00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,152
than to let your brother
and sister run
9
00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:19,320
through the house.
Now, pick it up.
10
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,792
Whether it was something
I couldn't do anything about...
11
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,827
How could you let your sister
get the flu?
12
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,129
How am I supposed
to stop the flu?
13
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:31,132
...or whether it was something
I didn't know anything about...
14
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:34,168
Why did you let Drew get hit
in the eye with a baseball?
15
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:35,336
'Cause I wasn't
at the game.
16
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,704
Either way, I was responsible.
17
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:39,207
Well, no excuse.
You're his older brother
18
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,808
so you're responsible for him.
19
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:42,676
You're also responsible
for giving me
20
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,146
another $3.22 worth
of ground beef.
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00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:47,148
Don't think
he's not using it again.
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00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:48,349
I'm sorry.
23
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,583
(moans)
24
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,354
Every now and again
I could stop a problem
25
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:54,588
before it happened.
26
00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:58,492
Drew.
27
00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:00,161
Drew!
28
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,497
What are you doing here?
You walk to school.
29
00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:04,632
I'm not going to school today.
30
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,237
What do you mean?
31
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,572
I saw Wayne Gretzky
on Donahu yesterday.
32
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,407
He's in town because
the Edmonton Oilers
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00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:14,508
played the Islanders last night.
34
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:15,443
So what?
35
00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:17,745
So I'm gonna meet him
and get his autograph.
36
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:18,779
Are you crazy?
No.
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00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,581
You can't just go off
by yourself.
Yes, I can.
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00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:21,815
Do you even know where
you're going?
Not really.
39
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:22,616
Got any money?
No.
40
00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:23,417
What about school?
What about it?
41
00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:24,452
Did you even
think about Ma?
No.
42
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,554
She's gonna kill you
when she finds out.
So?
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00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,122
That's if somebody else
don't kill you first.
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00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:29,557
I don't care.
45
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,393
Drew, you can't do this.
46
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,628
See ya later.
47
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,867
I was in a no-win situation.
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00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:42,270
The only thing worse
than going with Drew
49
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:43,171
was letting him go by himself.
50
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,872
Either way,
if something happened,
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00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,240
I was responsible.
52
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:55,883
Hold on, man.
I'm coming with you.
53
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:57,585
Can't blame me if we both die.
54
00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:08,929
* Ah, make it funky now.
55
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:13,901
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
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00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,921
Riding on that bus,
I had two goals:
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00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:36,324
to get that autograph
and get back home.
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00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:37,325
So what's the plan?
59
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:38,459
I don't have a plan.
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00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,628
Do you even know
where Gretzky is?
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00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,196
The Long Island
Wilmont Hotel.
62
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:43,397
And you think
you can walk
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00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:45,266
right up to the room
and get an autograph?
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00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,500
I haven't thought
that far ahead.
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00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:47,935
You haven't thought
this far ahead.
66
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,937
All right? We should just
turn around right now.
67
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:52,340
We'll be late for school,
but, hopefully,
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00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:53,741
we won't get in
too much trouble.
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00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:03,984
Well, go on.
70
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,286
That's the whites-only exit.
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00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:06,520
Forget it.
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00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:14,962
You look tired.
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00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:15,963
I'm beat.
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00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,298
I'm going to get some sleep.
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00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:20,301
Sleep? Well, what
about Tonya?
76
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,302
Hey, Dad.
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00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:22,570
What are you
doing here?
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00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:23,637
Why aren't you in school?
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00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:24,838
'Cause no one's there.
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00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,307
They're all in Philadelphia.
81
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:29,243
You remember the field trip
to Philadelphia
82
00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:30,311
that cost a hundred dollars
83
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:31,779
and you didn't want
to pay for it.
84
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:34,315
Yeah. Instead you gave me
Philadelphia cream cheese.
85
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:37,318
Right. Well, what are
you gonna do all day?
86
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:38,952
I mean, I gotta
get some sleep.
87
00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,053
Not today.
88
00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:42,990
I've got to go to work, so
you've got to entertain her.
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00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,326
My dad had saved
a hundred bucks,
90
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:49,497
but he was gonna pay for that
trip one way or another.
91
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,865
This is taking forever.
92
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:52,900
How long is this ride?
93
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,368
How am I supposed to know?
94
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:56,036
Didn't you check before
you got on the bus?
95
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,305
Hey, man, calm down.
96
00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,006
No, I'm not gonna "calm down."
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00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:01,875
I don't think you understand how
much trouble we're gonna be in.
98
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,944
I'm not even talking
about Ma anymore.
99
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,346
You know what's gonna happen
100
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:06,380
when they realize
we're not in school?
101
00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:07,348
What's the big deal?
102
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,649
You always say that they never
103
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,318
pay attention to you
in school anyway.
104
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,885
Drew had a point. Besides Greg,
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00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,587
there was only one person
who would care
106
00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:14,722
if I wasn't in school.
107
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,025
Morning, Shoeshine.
108
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:19,527
I'm not black.
109
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,928
Why'd you do that?
110
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,963
I don't know where Chris is.
111
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,634
Well, what about you?
Aren't they gonna miss you?
112
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:27,901
Probably not.
113
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:28,902
Wrong!
114
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,638
Donna.
Here.
115
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,873
Drew?
116
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:35,543
Drew?
117
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:40,381
Oh, my God.
118
00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:42,316
Drew is missing!
119
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,718
Drew is missing!
120
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,087
(screaming)
121
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,323
(sobbing)
122
00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:01,001
(siren blaring)
123
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,943
Back home, my father
tried to shut his eyes
124
00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,745
while Tonya shut her ears.
125
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:14,314
(phone ringing)
126
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,622
Tonya.
127
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,023
Can't you hear that phone?
128
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,758
It isn't for me.
129
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:27,428
Everyone I know
is in Philadelphia.
130
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:29,797
Tonya: 1.
Sleep: 0.
131
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,700
(ringing continues)
132
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:37,705
Hello?
133
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:38,939
Can I speak to Drew's mother?
134
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,508
This is Julius, his father.
135
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:41,742
Drew never showed up
for school today.
136
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:42,743
What do you mean?
137
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:43,977
He wasn't in school today, sir.
138
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:44,978
Are you sure?
139
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:45,979
I'm positive.
140
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:46,980
He wasn't in Homeroom.
141
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:47,981
Thank you.
142
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,016
You're welcome.
143
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:51,452
What's wrong?
144
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,120
That was Drew's school.
145
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,455
He didn't show up today.
146
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:57,124
Maybe he went
to Philadelphia.
147
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,126
I better call your mother.
148
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,894
Where the hell could he be?
149
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:05,466
We're here.
150
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:06,500
Yippie.
151
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:15,809
*
152
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,545
This doesn't look
like Long Island.
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00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,812
This is not.
154
00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:20,247
This is Coney Island.
155
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:23,851
If this was Survivor, I would
vote Drew off the island.
156
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,160
I can't believe
you got on the wrong bus.
157
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:34,628
You got on it, too.
158
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:35,696
I was just
following you, stupid.
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00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:36,830
Don't you know
the difference
160
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:38,098
between Coney Island
and Long Island?!
161
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,100
Yeah, Long Island is
the shape of your head.
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00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,569
Shut up!
163
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:42,536
Hey, shut up.
Don't tell me
164
00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:44,572
what to do.
Hey, break it up!
Break it up!
165
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,039
What's wrong with you two guys?
166
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,575
He got us lost.
167
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:49,009
Nobody asked your stupid butt
to come anyway!
168
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,043
Where are you heading to?
169
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,645
The Long Island
Wilmont Hotel.
170
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,514
I wanna meet Wayne Gretzky
and get his autograph.
171
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,215
You mean "The Great One"?
Number 99?
172
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,150
Yeah, you're
a hockey fan?
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00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,285
Oh, I love it.
174
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:00,688
We must be the only three black
hockey fans in New York.
175
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:02,122
Uh, I'm not a hockey fan.
176
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,557
Well, I guess it's just us then.
177
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:05,526
And the few guys
playing in the NHL.
178
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:07,528
What?
Wait, there are
black hockey players?
179
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:08,729
Oh, yeah.
180
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,097
Willie O'Ree was the first.
181
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,665
Played with the
Boston Bruins.
182
00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:13,834
And now they've got Grant Fuhr.
He plays with Gretzky.
183
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,068
He's a goalie.
184
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,870
Which technically makes him
a target.
185
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:19,139
Do you know how to get
to Long Island from here?
186
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,941
No, but I'll ask
this gentleman here.
187
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,743
Excuse me, sir?
Mm-hmm.
188
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,645
Would you happen to know
the directions to Long Island?
189
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,880
Yeah.
190
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,482
You're gonna
take that bus
191
00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:30,117
over there to the
Seven Line.
192
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,585
Seven Line.
193
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:33,754
And then you're gonna take that
to Flushing...
194
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,823
Flushing, stupid!
195
00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:37,725
...and you're gonna take
the Long Island Railroad
196
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:38,626
to Westbury.
197
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,661
Westbury.
198
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:41,695
Thank you, sir.
199
00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:42,596
You're welcome.
200
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:43,631
By the way, I'm Drew
201
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:44,632
and this is my brother,
Chris.
202
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,066
Hi, I'm Willie O'Ree. Pleasure.
203
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:47,735
(gasps softly)
204
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:50,504
Nice to meet you.
205
00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:51,972
When Willie scored three goals
206
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,607
they didn't call it
the hat trick.
207
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:54,808
They call it the black trick.
208
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:57,745
While we were looking
for Gretzky,
209
00:07:57,778 --> 00:07:59,613
back at home,
they were looking for us.
210
00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:01,649
Yeah, I'll hold.
211
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,085
Where you been?
212
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,754
Upstairs in Chris
and Drew's room
213
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,622
looking for clues.
Great idea.
214
00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:09,657
What'd you find?
215
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,659
Well, I found
firecrackers,
216
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:14,662
smoke balls,
Chris' old test,
217
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:15,996
looks like he
got an "F"--
218
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,998
maybe we should do
something about that,
219
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,166
Mommy's Turtles--
220
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,034
feels like they ate
half of the box,
221
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,870
and Playpen magazine.
222
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:25,038
You know they have naked women
in here, right?
223
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:26,974
Are you still there?
Yes, yes, I'm still here.
224
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,676
So, it appears
Chris hasn't shown up yet.
225
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,544
No, sir.
He's not there?
226
00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:33,113
We'll call you if he does.
Thank you.
227
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,649
I got here as soon as I could.
Any word from Drew?
228
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,985
No, but I just got off the
phone with Chris' school.
229
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:38,852
And what they say?
230
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,621
He didn't show up for school,
either.
231
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,189
Ooh, they're gonna get it.
232
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,224
When do I not get it?
233
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:45,859
Well, let's go.
234
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,060
Where are you going?
235
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:49,062
We're going to look
for Chris and Drew.
236
00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:51,732
We just can't sit around here
all day.
237
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,634
You're looking
at Playpen Magazine
238
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,302
when our sons
are missing?
239
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:56,103
It was in the...
240
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,671
It was open. It
just fell open.
241
00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:58,672
I...
242
00:08:58,706 --> 00:08:59,740
Let's go!
243
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:01,274
Come on!
244
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:02,643
Okay.
245
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:03,777
Right.
246
00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:06,647
Put it back!
247
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:10,017
We were headed to the right
place at the wrong time.
248
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,184
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
249
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,820
Where do you think
you guys are going?
250
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:15,723
Going to Long Island to get
Wayne Gretzky's autograph.
251
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,758
You're a Gretzky fan?
252
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,259
He's not a
Gretzky fan.
253
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:20,794
You can't be a
Gretzky fan.
254
00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:21,729
That's what I said.
255
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:22,796
I'm a Gretzky fan.
256
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,965
He's the
Gretzky fan.
257
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,266
You see me and you?
258
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:28,268
We don't like the
same things.
No, we don't.
259
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,303
Why don't you guys go someplace?
260
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:31,805
Where you wanna go?
261
00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:33,807
Where should we go?
262
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,843
The Jersey Shore
would be nice.
263
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,144
But this train
don't go there.
264
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,612
Don't you guys got
enough sports?
265
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:39,847
Hmm?
266
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,214
Basketball,
football...
267
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,216
Baseball, boxing,
track and field.
268
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,185
You gotta take hockey,
too, huh?
269
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,654
Whoa.
270
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,656
Hold on now.
We ain't trying to take hockey.
271
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:49,790
But we could.
All right.
272
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,659
So why don't you just leave us
alone?
273
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,827
Translation:
Please pick on us some more.
274
00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:55,896
Is that a hockey
jersey you got?
275
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,898
That is a hockey
jersey.
That is
a hockey jersey.
276
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,066
You don't have a hockey jersey.
277
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,233
No, I don't.
No.
278
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,935
Yeah. Why?
279
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:03,036
Give it to me.
280
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,104
Give it to him.
281
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:04,805
Make me.
282
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:05,773
What?
283
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,107
Whoa.
284
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,809
All right, hold on.
285
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,343
Excuse me.
286
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,280
Drew, give him
the jersey.
287
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,748
I'm not giving them
anything.
288
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:15,916
Dad gave this to me.
289
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,718
Do you have any idea
where we are?
290
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,753
Yeah, somewhere
on Long Island?
291
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:20,721
Yeah, exactly.
292
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,956
We're not just surrounded
by two white people.
293
00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:25,358
We're surrounded by a whole
borough of white people.
294
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:28,395
So, this is us.
295
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,865
And this is them.
296
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,835
So, give him
the jersey.
297
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,805
(sighs)
298
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,807
Wait a minute.
299
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,842
His jersey says "Gritzky."
300
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:44,444
It's got the wrong
number, too.
(laughs)
301
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,780
Keep the jersey.
302
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:48,181
Kid, look, if you're gonna
like somebody,
303
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:49,349
at least get it right.
304
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,051
Get it right.
Get it right.
305
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,019
(laughs)
306
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,854
MAN (over P.A.):
Next stop: Brockman Station.
307
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,355
Man, that was close.
308
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,157
I never thought
I'd say this,
309
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:59,827
but thank God
for Risky.
310
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:03,096
(indistinct radio transmission)
311
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:04,765
Chris and Drew are missing?
312
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:08,368
No, I haven't seen them,
but I think I can help you.
313
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,337
For just 17 cents a day,
314
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,272
you can adopt one
of these African children.
315
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:14,775
And the best part is
they don't live with you.
316
00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:16,043
Ooh, can we take Ubingi?
317
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,244
He's so cute.
318
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,813
Not for 17 cents a day.
319
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:22,950
DISPATCHER:
Had a frivolous suit
with her neighbor.
320
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,018
Missing, huh?
321
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:27,320
It sounds to me
like they're caught
behind enemy lines.
322
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,789
Don't worry.
323
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,791
This is nothing a recon mission
can't fix.
324
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,292
(gasps)
325
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:36,396
Right. Take that. Here you go.
326
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:39,232
All right, let's go.
Come on. Let's go.
327
00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:40,901
Hey, wait, wait!
328
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:42,035
Hey, hey, boys!
329
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:44,037
I think I see 'em
after all.
330
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:45,272
There we go.
331
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:47,374
Let's leave the nice man alone.
332
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,375
Thank you.
333
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:49,676
We could use him in Iraq.
334
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:54,748
DISPATCHER (over radio):
Separated the neighbors
at 29211.
335
00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:58,986
Chris and Drew are missing?
Let me see what I can do.
336
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,889
One Adam-12, One Adam-12,
337
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,390
be on the lookout
for Chris and Drew.
338
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:06,827
Be on the lookout
for Chris and Drew.
339
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,295
Shouldn't be much longer.
340
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,430
Yeah, until they come
and take you away.
341
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:14,101
Oh, man I can't believe
we're here.
342
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:16,837
I can't believe I'm actually
gonna meet Wayne Gretzky.
343
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:17,838
How do I look?
344
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:19,339
You look like
we need to get
345
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:20,974
this autograph
and get out of here.
346
00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:24,144
Hi, um, we're looking
for a guest of yours.
347
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:25,145
Name?
348
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:25,946
Wayne Gretzky.
349
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,347
Wayne Gretzky,
the hockey player?
350
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:27,915
Yeah.
351
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,549
He's not staying here.
352
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,852
Are you sure
this is the right hotel?
353
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:34,855
Positive. At the end of
Donahue, the announcer said,
354
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,323
guests of the
Donahue Show stay
355
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:37,490
at the Long Island
Wilmont Hotel.
356
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:40,527
Not all guests. If your leg
was bitten off by a shark,
357
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,195
you have
a terminal disease,
358
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:44,031
or you're so fat,
you need a crane
359
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:46,033
to be lifted out of your house,
then you stay here.
360
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,267
Athletes and celebrities
stay somewhere else.
361
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,002
So he's not here?
362
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,871
Sorry. Try one
of the other hotels
363
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,039
on Long Island.
364
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,240
How many other hotels
are there?
365
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,808
I don't know.
About a thousand.
366
00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:56,877
A thousand?
367
00:12:56,910 --> 00:13:00,447
Cheer up. Only 999 more to go.
368
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:08,021
We were trying
to get an autograph,
369
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:10,423
but were getting more
than we signed up for.
370
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:13,026
Chris, I'm sorry, man.
371
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:14,862
I-I don't know what
I was thinking.
372
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,496
Like Wayne Gretzky
would be hanging out
373
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:17,898
in some hotel lobby.
374
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,166
Let's go home, man.
375
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,467
(scoffs)
376
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,902
Wait, wait, wait.
377
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:24,104
We can't just give up,
378
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,939
especially when Mom is beating
the living daylights out of me.
379
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,241
I don't want to feel like a fool
'cause it was all for nothing.
380
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:30,410
We just got
to use our heads.
381
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,212
What do you know
about Gretzky?
382
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:35,015
Well, I know he's a season
all-time-assist leader,
383
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:38,151
his mom loves soup,
and he has a sandwich
384
00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:40,020
named after him
called "The Great One."
385
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:40,921
What's in it?
386
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,923
Hmm, Canadian bacon,
387
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:44,591
maple syrup, oh, and a pickle.
388
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:47,961
Oh, and it comes in a bun
shaped like a hockey stick.
389
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:49,329
Sounds awful.
390
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:50,998
I never had one.
391
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:53,166
It was invented by this chef
named Jean Lafleur.
392
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,301
(clicks tongue)
393
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,937
Man, you know way too much stuff
about this guy, Drew.
394
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,571
Hey, you know,
395
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:00,941
he works in a hotel here
on Long Island.
396
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,142
Who, Gretzky?
397
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,044
No, stupid. Jean Lafleur.
398
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:05,278
Huh.
399
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:08,882
Here it is-- "Long Island Hotel,
400
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,884
Home of The Great One."
401
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:13,086
This has got to be
where he's staying.
402
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,555
I hate to admit it, but
that looks pretty good.
403
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:16,623
When we get there,
404
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:19,893
I'm going to have to buy you
one of those sandwiches.
405
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,995
Might as well buy me
a heart attack
406
00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:22,996
with a side of diabetes.
407
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,066
Chris! Drew!
408
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,935
I just don't understand this.
409
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,602
We checked the neighborhoods.
Nobody's seen 'em.
410
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,972
We checked the schools.
Nobody has seen 'em.
411
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:33,206
I'm calling the police.
412
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,542
Oh, Rochelle, Rochelle?
413
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,978
Are you really going
to call the police?
414
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,546
Yes.
The New York
City Police?
415
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,081
Yes.
416
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,250
My father knew that
if you called the cops
417
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:45,218
from Bed-Stuy,
this is what happens.
418
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,054
Precinct.
419
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,989
Hello. I-I would
like to report
420
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,157
two missing
children.
421
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,092
Okay. Are they black
or white?
422
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:53,326
Black.
423
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,062
You have the wrong number.
424
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,500
Let's give it
a couple hours.
425
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,169
I'm sure
they'll show up.
426
00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:04,938
As soon as we got
to the Long Island Hotel,
427
00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:07,074
something told me
we had the right place.
428
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:08,541
Are all these people here
to see Gretzky?
429
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:09,676
Yeah, and if
430
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:12,245
we go over there, we won't have
a chance of meeting him.
431
00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:13,981
So what do we do?
432
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,348
(women shrieking)
433
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:18,051
Ilook more like Wayne Gretzky
than that dude.
434
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,522
Come on.
435
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,124
I know what to do.
436
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,361
Hey, what are they doing
over there?
437
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,097
Uh, they're waiting
for Wayne Gretzky.
438
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,632
Who?
He's a hockey player.
439
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:37,737
Anyway, I got a pizza delivery
for Mr. Smith in Room 412.
440
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,239
Just go.
441
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,242
Man, that was brilliant.
442
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,377
You can get anywhere
with a pizza box.
443
00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:46,479
That's how Bush got
in the White House.
444
00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:47,747
So, now where
do we go?
445
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,083
I mean, there's 32 floors
in this hotel.
446
00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:52,619
Well, I figure Gretzky's
in one of the nicer rooms,
447
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,554
which is probably
on the top floor.
448
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,289
Just call me Sherlock Homeboy.
449
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:59,092
(indistinct chatter)
450
00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:01,761
Hey.
451
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,363
(elevator bell dings)
452
00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:13,206
Told you.
453
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,242
All right, let's go.
454
00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:18,745
Excuse me.
455
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:21,048
I have a delivery
for Mr. Wayne Gretzky.
456
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:23,050
He didn't order a pizza.
457
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,152
Do I look like
I was born yesterday?
458
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:27,620
But it is his room?
459
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:30,357
Get lost, kids.
460
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,659
Sir, I don't think
you understand.
461
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:34,794
My brother is a
really big hockey fan,
462
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,164
and we skipped school
just to see Mr. Gretzky.
463
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:38,331
Look, I can't help you.
464
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:39,732
Yeah, you could.
465
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:41,434
...so please
leave now.
466
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,470
Come on, Chris.
467
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:48,308
Gritzky?
468
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,410
Yeah.
469
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,279
My dad bought it for me.
470
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:54,147
Hockey's not too popular
where we're from.
471
00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:56,249
(sighs)
472
00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:57,650
Where is that?
473
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,120
Here in New York.
474
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,055
Bed-Stuy.
475
00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:05,725
Hey, I'm from Bed-Stuy.
476
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:09,362
Let me guess.
477
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:12,199
Did your dad get that jersey
from Risky?
478
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:14,367
You know Risky?
479
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:16,736
Yeah, he sold me
a Darryl Raspberry jersey.
480
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,771
I had Dr. K.
481
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,174
(chuckles):
I haven't see him in years.
482
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,342
So, you think
my brother
483
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,077
can get an autograph
from Mr. Gretzky?
484
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,245
Hey, sorry, kids.
485
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:26,679
He's not even here.
486
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:29,182
He has some business
to take care of in the city.
487
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,650
Well, when do you
think he'll be back?
488
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,819
I don't know.
A couple hours, I guess.
489
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,321
A couple hours?
490
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:35,588
That's not too bad.
491
00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:37,757
Thanks.
492
00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:41,794
By 5:00, my parents had run
out of places to look for us,
493
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:44,164
but there was only one thing
left to do.
494
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:46,499
MAN:
Precinct.
495
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:49,269
Yes, hello! I'd like
to report two missing boys.
496
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:50,503
Can you describe them, please?
497
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:51,704
They're white.
(knocking)
498
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,106
Just a minute, ma'am.
499
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:54,441
Okay, hold-hold on.
500
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,577
Ma'am, you reported
two missing white boys?
501
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,346
Damn!
502
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:03,216
We waited for Gretzky
like he was giving out cheese.
503
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:08,788
You guys
are still here?
504
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:10,157
Yeah. We're waiting
for Gretzky.
505
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:12,125
You said he'd be back
in a few hours.
506
00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:13,260
Look, he's not
coming back, okay?
507
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:16,463
He had a change of plans
and went right to the airport.
508
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:17,564
I'm just
checking out.
509
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:20,767
That's it.
I give up.
510
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:24,337
Drew, I'm sorry, but
let's just go home, man.
511
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:32,412
Hey, wait.
512
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,451
At least his name
is spelled right.
513
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:40,187
Oh, man!
514
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,454
(chuckling)
Thanks!
515
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:43,623
Gretzky wore that
last night.
516
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,458
You mean, he actually wore this?
517
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:47,727
Mm-hmm.
Man, I'm never
washing it.
518
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,563
Here you go.
Did Gretzky play
with this puck last night?
519
00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:52,299
No, it's just a puck.
520
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,434
So, how are you guys
getting home?
521
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:55,668
Taking the train.
522
00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:58,505
You guys ever been
in a limo before?
523
00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:00,907
What do you think?
524
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,576
Even though I was about
to get in more trouble
525
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:06,446
than I could imagine,
I was glad I was with Drew.
526
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:09,249
In a strange way,
I actually had a good time.
527
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:10,417
(laughing)
528
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:11,684
Okay, listen up, you guys.
529
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:13,720
We're going to break this search
party up into groups of four.
530
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,355
You-- I want you to
search Varick Street.
531
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,155
Your group--
532
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:17,624
I want you to go
to Decatur Street.
533
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,791
Your group--
534
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,627
I want you to go
to the bus stops.
535
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:21,794
And you-- I want you
536
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,696
to search the
alleys, okay?
537
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:26,899
We're looking for two,
teenaged, dark skin...
538
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:28,201
white boys.
539
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:29,969
* Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
540
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,571
This is going to be bad.
541
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:33,340
Oh, yeah.
542
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:34,307
The worst part is,
543
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:36,343
you didn't even get a chance
to meet Gretzky.
544
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:37,510
Or Gritzky for that matter.
545
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:40,313
It's okay. It was still one
of the best days of my life.
546
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:41,514
Why, 'cause you got
the jersey?
547
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:42,949
No.
548
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,385
Thanks for taking care
of me, Chris.
549
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:46,553
I'm glad you were there.
550
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,321
Me, too.
551
00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:50,390
The best part of hanging out
with Drew that day
552
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:52,825
was for the first time I didn't
see him as my little brother
553
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,394
I was responsible for.
554
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:57,230
I saw him as something more:
a friend.
555
00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:58,731
Ready?
556
00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:01,234
Ready.
557
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,236
* I've been watching
everything you do *
558
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:06,306
* Oh, yes, I have
559
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:08,375
* And I've been wishing...
560
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:11,010
Chris? Drew?
561
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,346
No, it's Puffy and Mace.
562
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:19,952
Bye, y'all.
563
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:21,954
* Everybody hates Chris.
564
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:25,992
Captioned by
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