Original subtitles

Welcome, Caballeros, to Stonehenge!

Richard: Excuse me.

There's a ding-dong line here!

(baby crying)

Richard! Language!

Xandra, why are we in a gift shop?

You saw the map.

Felldrake is lurking around here somewhere.

Doing what? Selling key chains?

Or these really cool T-shirts!

-This is ridiculous. I'll be outside. -(door opens)

Donald is not still mad about the you-know-what,

with the you-know-who, you-know-where, you-know-when, is he?

You mean his terrible date with Daisy, at Chez Quackmore,

because he left her to save us?

Nah...

He'll be fine.

He just needs some... space.

(thunder crashing)

Oh!

Welcome to beautiful Salisbury Plain, home of Stonehenge.

Some believe that...

Donald, I know you're still mad about Daisy.

But saving the world was more important than your date.

Ah, phooey.

Guys, can you keep it down?

I'm trying to watch my favorite telenovela, "Guerra de Amor."

Ooh, "War of Love," my favorite!

How could you do this to me, Quintana?

He was my twin brother's tennis coach's dog walker.

That is practically family.

Do not turn this onto me, Gustavo.

I was blinded by the many bits of the broken heart

you gave me.

You're right. I love you.

(smooching)

Aww! They really do love each other!

Their passionate reconciliation was inevitable.

It's so nice being close to someone.

Oh...

Get off of me!

-(brakes screech) -Oh!

What are you looking at?

Anyway, cameras out.

This is as close as I can take you.

Xandra: That tour guide was all wrong.

Stonehenge is actually a magic gateway to a lost kingdom

of battle-crazed goblins.

The original Three Cabs sealed them away

so they couldn't wage war on Earth.

Is it wise to enter the realm of such blood-thirsty militants?

Yeah! I like my blood on the inside of my body.

We left the goblins without a king.

So as long as they're leaderless, they're not a threat.

You ready? Next stop, Goblin Town.

(doorbell ringing)

Okay, let's get on with it.

(dramatic music)

Panchito: Ooh!

I wonder if they have a gift shop.

-(blades clink) -Whoa!

-(goblins growling) -All I wanted was a T-shirt.

(goblins snarling)

(grunting)

(laughing)

Oh!

Gross.

(foreboding music)

(grunting)

goblin: Bow before the Goblin King.

What king?

(evil laughter)

Of course.

(opening theme song)

♪ We're Three Caballeros Three brave caballeros ♪

♪ They say we are birds of a feather ♪

♪ We're happy amigos No matter where he goes ♪

♪ The one, two, and three goes We're always together ♪

♪ Aye! ♪

♪ The Three Caballeros! ♪

Felldrake: Well, well, well,

the Three Caballeros and Xandra,

their goddess handler.

What are you doing here, Felldrake?

I'm glad you asked.

What do we want?

goblins: War.

When do we want it?

goblins: War.

Uh, close enough.

With I as your new Goblin King,

we can finally wage our greatest war ever on Earth.

(goblins cheering)

Not a threat, huh?

How was I supposed to know their new king would be Felljerk?

Felldrake: You take that back!

Never!

(grunts)

Well played. Worm!

That's me! Excuse me.

Yes, Your Highness?

Give me the atlas.

-(chuckles) -Ah.

Xandra: No!

Finally, the magic atlas.

(grunts) No, you give that back!

(growling)

What do I do?

Relax, muttonhead, just pull out the bookmark.

(Xandra grunting)

Ah...

Xandra!

(laughs) Here, Worm, throw this trash out.

Yes, Your Highness.

Felldrake: Now, my minions,

show our guests a good time in goblin jail.

judge: We welcome you to goblin jail.

You get no call.

No one gets bail.

(upbeat music)

♪ We're here to bring disorder To the court ♪

♪ We know you're guilty, So we'll make this short ♪

♪ But since we have formalities And blah, blah, blah, legalities ♪

♪ We have to ask ♪

♪ How do you plead? ♪

♪ Your Honor, not guilty ♪

♪ I plead to your humanity ♪

♪ Your Honor, not guilty ♪

♪ For reasons of insanity ♪

Why is everybody singing?

♪ We, the jury Find the defendants guilty ♪

On what charges?

♪ All of them ♪

That seems fair.

(Donald quacking)

(all gasp)

♪ We're sending all of you To goblin jail ♪

♪ Cry all you want But no one hears you wail ♪

♪ The water's brown, the air is stale ♪

♪ It's not so bad, just don't inhale ♪

♪ It's all bad in goblin jail ♪

♪ Your beds are made Of rats and slimy snails ♪

Ha, ha, there are no beds in goblin jail!

♪ What's for dinner, lobster tail? ♪

♪ Not a chance, grab a pail ♪

♪ Five-star dirt in goblin jail ♪

♪ One last chance to tell your tale ♪

♪ Before you rot in goblin jail ♪

Oh, no, I'm not singing.

Panchito: ♪ Anyone got a book in braille? ♪

Donald: Oh, shut up.

goblin guard: They're gonna be here a long time.

(laughing)

(chuckles) Yeah, a real long time.

-goblin guard: Quiet, Worm. -Ooh.

Now sort this stuff according to my system.

I've got to visit the little goblin's pail.

(in singsong) In goblin jail!

Shut up!

Huh?

Ooh.

Hey, what do you want?

(gasps) What?

Uh, who are you?

Oh, are you a magic mirror, the kind that can grant wishes?

Uh, sure, magic mirror!

That's why I said, what do you want?

No one's ever asked me what I want before.

Well, before we can grant your wish,

you have to take us to Donald.

Who?

The angry guy in the sailor suit.

Oh, that guy.

You got it.

(panting)

Felldrake: All right, you mindless rabble.

As your king, I demand the ultimate weapon!

Uh, my liege, instead of the ultimate weapon,

why not try a flaming catabog?

-(tinkling) -(meowing)

(laughing)

-(crash) -(cat shrieking)

goblin: Or the thunder screw.

(electricity crackling)

goblin guard: Oh, hi.

Or this cute hamster.

(squeaking)

Oh, I can't even.

-(flatlines) -Oh.

Felldrake: No, you fools!

Those weapons are child's play.

I demand the Baydoodior.

(crowd gasping)

-(flatlines) -Oh.

But, sire, that monster is too destructive, even for us.

And we love destruction.

We have taken an oath never to unleash it again.

You dare defy your king?

I'll have you all--

Know that, as your king,

I will ensure that fearsome weapon is never used again.

Whew! Well, that's a relief.

However, if I'm going to help protect it,

I should know its location.

Where did you say it was hidden again?

all: Oh, it's right here!

(both laugh evilly)

(jail door closes)

Hmm. (gulping)

You know, with a few snails,

this dirt is not half bad.

Want some?

(grunts) We've got to get out of here.

Maybe if we pretend we're sick,

they'll take us to a hospital.

If you think goblin jail is bad,

you do not want to see goblin hospital.

-(playing harmonica) -Come, my friends.

We must think, you know, like how Xandra does.

Forget Xandra.

My life was just fine before she showed up.

You mean unemployed, homeless, and single?

goblins: Ooh!

(grunts)

all: Wow!

Do not blame Panchito

for your own embarrassing personality deficiencies.

Well, I could have been worked on getting Daisy back.

Who's Daisy, his girlfriend?

This is like a soap opera!

Telenovela, please.

goblin guard: Quiet!

Don't make me come in there!

Huh?

Ooh, telenovela!

Telenovela?

Oh, telenovela.

Well, if you hadn't run away with my sister's cousin's roommate,

I would have never have had to destroy your relationship

with your father's golf partner's caddie.

goblins: Ooh.

You mean his caddie daddy.

goblins: Ooh.

Oh, no, he didn't!

Am I the only one who's not nuts?

(blabbering)

goblin guard: All right, that's it.

Break it up!

(grunts)

Now, Panchito, vamonos.

Ya-woo!

goblins: Whoa, drama!

Hey, you're not Donald.

The prisoners escaped!

Donald is gone.

No Donald, no wish.

Don't worry, mirror spirits.

I'll find him!

(guard in singsong) Don't leave me here, you worthless snail!

♪ The tables turn in goblin jail ♪

Felldrake: Here it is, the spell to summon the great war beast Baydoodior.

(chanting)

(all gasp)

(dramatic music)

(blades clinking)

(all gasp)

Felldrake: Rise, my beast of war, rise!

(roaring)

(goblins screaming)

Why did you do that?

Because I'm very bad.

And very good at it.

(roaring)

(growling)

(Donald inhales sharply)

Donald: Yuck, of all the doggone--

That was the most olfactory-challenging escape route we could have taken.

Not only that, it stunk.

Now, gentlemen, we have to find Xandra.

We must be cautious.

We must be stealthy.

And above all, we must not be discovered.

(goblins shouting)

-We're discovered. -Ah, phooey.

I'm sick of this!

Put 'em up.

What?

Wow!

Good job, Donald!

(thundering footsteps)

(growling)

Who is up for running away and screaming like children?

-I'm in. -Me too!

(Caballeros screaming)

Felldrake: Yes, that's right, Baydoodior.

Destroy, destroy it all!

My King, you have sealed our doom.

Felldrake: Yes, isn't it great?

-No, not really. -Felldrake: Too bad!

Baydoodior, crush those goblins.

(roaring)

Felldrake: I mean, go that way.

Yeah, that's what I said.

Maybe he doesn't speak stick.

I'll show you stick.

(bonk)

He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

He's every knife in the drawer!

Hey, you, are you the angry guy I've been looking for?

Who wants to know?

Ah, at last.

Girls.

So, how's Stonehenge?

Did you get us a T-shirt?

Yeah, but they took it away in goblin jail.

(roaring)

Uh, I'm guessing that wasn't the tour guide?

Oh, no, it's the Baydoodior.

We're all doomed!

Can I change my wish?

Wish? What wish?

We told him we can grant wishes.

Do not worry, my little goblin friend.

We can stop that creature if we can find the book that had this in it.

I know where that is!

Come, come, this way!

Oh, good, Vlorp's on duty.

Yeah, yeah.

(farts)

My friends, I am no mathematician.

But I believe the odds are 3 to 1.

I almost feel sorry for the guy.

Let's get him!

Uh, guys...

(crashing)

José: Watch the face.

-Uh. -Ow.

(farting)

Okay, Vlorp, you've had your fun.

Now give them the book.

Why should Vlorp?

Because they can save Goblin Town.

Little weaklings can't even beat Vlorp.

Then, do it as a favor

for all those times I mended your battle sack.

Aww, my battle sack.

Hmm. Worm has touched Vlorp's heart.

Here you go.

Vlorp: It's there.

Aw, gee. Thanks, Vlorp!

Got you now, Felldrake.

Ow, Vlorp.

-Xandra, you are back! -What happened?

Felldrake trapped you in the book.

He did? But--

And then we went to goblin jail.

-Goblin what? -And then there was a monster.

-What monster? -But then this little goblin

-helped us save you. -But I thought goblins were--

-His name is Worm. -Wait, wait, wait.

-What? -(crashing)

Huh?

(roaring)

So that's what Felldrake was after, the Baydoodior.

Xandra: My Goblinese is a little rusty,

but it says something about the monster's middle?

Its heart.

Worm: The beast is a living war and thrives on conflict.

So what you're saying is, to defeat it,

we have to break its heart.

That's right, boys.

Hmm. Let's go kick some heart.

(growling)

Fire!

(snarling)

(goblins gasp)

Goblins, aim for the heart.

With what?

The Baydoodior's taken all our weapons.

Except for my favorite sword.

My favorite sword! (sighs sharply)

Sheldgoose: Oh, I see.

The Baydoodior feeds on aggression.

Felldrake: You're a quick one, aren't you?

That with which it is made cannot possibly defeat it.

(laughs evilly)

(laughing)

Felldrake: That's right, Leopold.

Who's a good flying mount? You are.

You're a good flying mount.

(smooching) I love you so much.

(gasps)

(growling)

Sheldgoose: Whoa!

Felldrake: Don't you swat at me, you stupid sword heap.

I am your master.

(screaming)

Sheldgoose: Ouch.

(groaning)

Richard: I thought you packed the ding-dong battery

for the ding-dong camera?

Margaret: Well, maybe I would have

if I didn't have to ding-dong remember every ding-dong thing

on this ding-dong vacation!

Ding-dong it, Margaret!

Ding-dong, ding-dong!

There, you see?

Now, you've corrupted our ding-dong child!

(slurping, snarling)

Hurry up, you moron.

We must flee before we're discovered.

Xandra: It's over, Felldrake.

We're discovered.

Felldrake: No kidding, genius.

Call your monster off.

Felldrake: Call it off?

Didn't you see what it just did to me?

Maybe you made it sick

by canoodling with your ridiculous horse-monkey.

(gasps) Do not speak ill of Leopold.

You're just jealous because I hate you.

Ha, everyone hates me.

So that's yet another unoriginal thought of yours.

What's happening, exactly?

Uh, was the warlock always this disturbed.

This is a fresh kind of loco.

Felldrake: I only have one thing to say to you.

-No, you don't. -(growling)

Brilliant, that's your answer to everything.

Well, how do you like this?

Felldrake: Ha! Idiot, I can't feel pain.

The joke's on you.

(both grunting)

(growling)

Oh, guys.

(both gasp)

(roaring)

-Uh-oh. -Felldrake: Oh, nuts.

Don't fight, Mommy and Daddy.

I love you.

(shrieking)

My friends, we do not have to break the heart.

We must break the heart.

Telenovela?

Telenovela.

Donald, you are a selfish, emotionally unstable...

Mean, rude...

(roaring)

Inconsiderate...

Greedy, back-stabbing...

Windbag blabbermouth.

What? That's a fine time to bring that up.

(growling)

If not for you, we would never have become enmeshed

in this gruesome situation.

Me? It's all her fault.

(scoffs) My fault?

Huh?

Oh, right.

Well, that's just like you, Donald.

Blame everyone but yourself.

(quacks)

(snarling)

What do you think's going to happen?

Shh, you're ruining the drama. (whimpers)

I am afraid there is only one thing left to say to you.

I am sorry.

(all gasp)

(crashing)

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?

Wait, what?

I'm sorry, too.

We're all in this together, hermano...

all: Aw.

(pounding)

Donald, I'm the sorriest of all.

I know I ask a lot of you.

But that's because...

(all gasping)

...I need you.

(crying)

(all crying)

(booming)

(screaming)

I'm sorry I never returned your favorite battle axe.

I'm sorry I called you dainty.

I'm sorry I'm such a chowderhead.

I'm sorry you're a chowderhead, too.

And I'm sorry I made you carry us back from the Moon for a month.

-I love you guys. -(bones cracking)

(pounding loudly)

Hey, everybody, group hug.

all: Aw.

Who am I kidding?

I love you guys, too.

(cracking, booming)

(screaming)

(tranquil music)

You did it, guys.

You beat the monster!

Mm, not bad.

goblin guard: Great heroes,

despite you locking me up and leaving me to rot...

(goblins sing) ♪ In goblin jail ♪

...you have saved our kingdom.

How can we ever repay you?

The true hero is this little goblin friend,

who was crucial in helping us defeat the beast.

Me?

It true.

Vlorp saw whole thing with Vlorp's own eyes.

And technically, he's owed a wish.

Indeed, what is your wish, brave Worm?

Gosh, I just want to be respected around here.

You know "Worm" isn't even my real name?

Well, what is your name?

Vomit.

(fanfare music)

(goblins cheering)

All hail King Vomit.

goblins: Vomit, Vomit, Vomit!

We will forever be in your debt, Caballeros.

Vomit: You can consider Goblin Town your life-long ally.

I really owe you guys.

Did you know the king has his own pail? (toots)

(all groan)

(goblins cheering)

(trumpets playing)

So we good?

You bet.

(goblins murmuring)

I still love you, Daddy.

You're crushing me, Leopold.

Felldrake: I'm tired of being lugged around by a lunkhead like you.

There is a power that will allow me to move on my own.

And I know just where to find it.

(laughs evilly)

(closing theme music)