Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:06,740
When I was younger,i didn't get out much.
2
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:10,043
Ta-da!
3
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:12,246
Thank you! Thank you.
4
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:15,048
Oh, that's so sweet.
Gizmo, you're too kind.
5
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:16,750
So when corynn mcwatters,
6
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,352
the most popular girlin school,
7
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,587
invited me,the most butt girl in school,
8
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:23,423
to her super exclusivev.I.P.-Only slumber party...
9
00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:27,427
I should've knownsomething was up.
10
00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:32,165
That morning,i woke up looking like
11
00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:33,500
a jacked up version of Annie.
12
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:36,169
And honestly,not much has changed.
13
00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:39,072
Well, that's not true.One thing has changed --
14
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:40,741
now I know how to work it.
15
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:43,010
♪ Bitches be like ♪
first, there's face prep,
16
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:45,078
featuringJessica's cleansing wipes
17
00:00:45,078 --> 00:00:47,481
and drew's toning wipes.
18
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,349
Then I reverse my bedhead...
19
00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:53,320
And find my "hairspiration."
20
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:57,024
Clear waves, full spiral,
can't lose.
21
00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:59,226
Finally, I put my face onusing Kim's primer veil,
22
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:00,000
which was recentlymilitarized.
23
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,628
Which was recentlymilitarized.
24
00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:04,031
All in all, it takes meroughly three hours
25
00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:05,299
to look Alpha, not beta.
26
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:07,234
But it was worth it,
27
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:10,470
'cause I was gonna floss atthe "women in pharma" brunch.
28
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:14,341
Dang!
29
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:16,076
I missed it.
30
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:20,380
Now the only thing leftto hope for
31
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:21,748
was that Henry wouldn't notice.
32
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,050
Morning, eliza.
33
00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:24,985
If you wanna go by unnoticed,
you might wanna try
34
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:26,753
a milder fragrance with
fewer notes of cotton candy.
35
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,455
You noticed!
36
00:01:28,455 --> 00:01:30,000
As did the entire left wing
of this office.
37
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:30,357
As did the entire left wing
of this office.
38
00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:32,626
How was
the "women in pharma" brunch
39
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,227
this morning?
Mm...
40
00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:36,029
It was really...
41
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:37,998
Informative.
Hmm.
42
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:39,666
And, like -- like, empowering.
43
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:43,103
And it totally felt like
I was holding up half the sky.
44
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,371
Huh.
And -- and --
45
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:45,572
and "how brave," you know?
46
00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:48,175
And -- and also? Equal pay!
47
00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:51,144
Because beside every strong
pharmaceutical man --
48
00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:53,080
I know you didn't go.
49
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,681
Eliza, you missed out
on an incredible opportunity
50
00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:56,550
to meet other women
in your field,
51
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:59,252
seasoned vets who could've
provided valuable insight,
52
00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:00,000
one of whom could've served
as a future role model for you.
53
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,622
One of whom could've served
as a future role model for you.
54
00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:06,326
I thought you were
my role model.
55
00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:07,561
Me? No, no, no.
56
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:09,730
Mentor, possibly.
Advisor, certainly.
57
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,498
Sensei?
Of sorts.
58
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:13,000
Elder.
Okay, we're done
playing this game.
59
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,369
"Point bees,"
I'm not your role model.
60
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:19,640
A role model is someone
whose life you aspire to.
61
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,074
Do you want my life?
62
00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:23,176
M'kay.
No, no.
63
00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:25,245
Not -- not "m'kay."
64
00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:27,314
This is something you should
be thinking seriously about.
65
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:30,000
You should find someone
whose path you wanna walk.
66
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,084
You should find someone
whose path you wanna walk.
67
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,586
For instance, since...
68
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:35,055
Since childhood...
69
00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:39,326
My role model has been...
70
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:40,494
Dave Thomas.
71
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,996
Isn't he the hamburglar?
72
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,732
No. Dave was
the perfect role model for me
73
00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:47,034
because he started
from the bottom.
74
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:49,369
♪ Now he here ♪
75
00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:51,438
♪ started from the bottom,
now the whole team -- ♪
76
00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:52,639
If you'll quiet yourself,
77
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:55,542
there is a quote in here
about colonel Sanders...
78
00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:56,977
Mm.
79
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:59,479
Basically got me through
sophomore year.
80
00:02:59,479 --> 00:03:00,000
Um...
81
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,014
Um...
82
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,649
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
83
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:05,218
Were you a skater boy?
84
00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:08,055
As a youth, I thrashed,
85
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,691
enjoyed the occasional kickflip,
ollied about periodically.
86
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,293
Wow. You even make skate culture
sound boring.
87
00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:16,463
Okay, Henry, I'll report back
when I find a female role model.
88
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:18,765
And since I wasn't surewhose life I wanted,
89
00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:20,067
i decided to start with someone
90
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,501
who, judging fromher frown lines,
91
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:24,004
had a craploadof life experience.
92
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,639
Joan.
93
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:28,408
As someone who is
way older than me,
94
00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:30,000
you've had a pretty good life,
right?
95
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:30,243
You've had a pretty good life,
right?
96
00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:31,745
It's been adequate.
97
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,747
And what advice would you give
someone hoping to attain
98
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,716
the lifestyle
you are currently living?
99
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,087
You can never have
too much bath tissue.
100
00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:43,156
So it wasn't gonna be Joan.
101
00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:45,726
Charmonique?
102
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:48,395
How would you like to be
a model?
103
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,397
Mm, been there, done that.
104
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:51,998
Seriously?
105
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:53,133
Mm-hmm. I worked my way
through college
106
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:55,268
as a hand model
for stock photos.
107
00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:58,538
don't believe me?
Google "racial equality hands."
108
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:03,176
This baby girl right here
109
00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:06,346
has graced some of
the finest brochures, leaflets,
110
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:09,049
and prints ads in...
America.
111
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,283
May I?
112
00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:12,252
Please.
113
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,055
Ahh! It's like silk!
114
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:16,156
Mm-hmm.
115
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,291
You are the perfect choice
to be my role model!
116
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:19,659
Mnh-mnh. Pass.
117
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:21,027
But you're an inspiration
to me.
118
00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:22,496
And I wanna be
just like you.
119
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:25,031
Everybody does,
but they can't.
120
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:28,235
You can't just wake up one day,
decide to become charmonique,
121
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:30,000
and then just magically be her.
Unh-unh!
122
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:30,971
And then just magically be her.
Unh-unh!
123
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:33,507
♪ I'm looking at me ♪
124
00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:36,143
♪ hey, look, it's me ♪
125
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:38,345
♪ not to make it all me ♪
126
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:40,981
♪ funny thing about me ♪
127
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:45,385
♪ is while I'm looking at me ♪
128
00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:52,259
♪ I'm hoping to find you ♪
129
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:54,127
Hello.
130
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,429
What are you doing standing
right outside the men's room?
131
00:04:56,429 --> 00:04:57,697
Waiting for you.
132
00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,399
Well, I really wish
you wouldn't ambush me.
133
00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:00,000
Okay, Henry, sure.
No problem.
134
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,234
Okay, Henry, sure.
No problem.
135
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:02,636
I can do you that favor,
136
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:06,540
just as long as you do
a small favor for me in return.
137
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,041
Okay.
138
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:11,311
So you know how I've been trying
to get Kevin to be more active
139
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:14,514
after he's been diagnosed
as prehypertensive?
140
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,116
I did not know that.
141
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:19,219
Who knew a nugget-based diet
could be so harmful?
142
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,021
Everyone, yeah.
143
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:24,391
Dietarily, it's always the thing
you'd least expect.
144
00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:27,127
First thing I'd expect.
And yet, the kid has to eat.
145
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,261
Anywho...
146
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,596
Kevin has taken an interest
in skateboarding.
147
00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:30,000
And eliza told me that you
used to be a wood pusher.
148
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,532
And eliza told me that you
used to be a wood pusher.
149
00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:33,967
Mm-hmm.
So I thought maybe...
150
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:35,202
You could teach him.
151
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:37,037
Hmm. No. Absolutely not.
152
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,238
Charmonique,
sorry to disappoint you,
153
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:39,739
but I have
a lot of work to do.
154
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:42,609
She also told me
how passionately you feel
155
00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:45,245
about the importance
of role models.
156
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:48,648
And who needs a role model more
than a hypertense 10-year-old
157
00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:51,151
with sleep apnea
and no male presence?
158
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,453
Okay. Fine. Fine.
I will teach him a few things.
159
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:55,689
But this will not be
an everyday occurrence.
160
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,724
Okay, I gotcha. I gotcha.
161
00:05:57,724 --> 00:06:00,000
Just once in a blue moon...
Like his real father.
162
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,094
Just once in a blue moon...
Like his real father.
163
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,362
don't put that on me,
charmonique!
164
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,297
It is what it is.
165
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:10,103
I was beginning to give up hopeof ever finding a role model,
166
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,638
until I rememberedi did use to have one --
167
00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:13,139
Alpha bitch...
168
00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:14,608
Corynn mcwatters.
169
00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,042
Back in the day,
170
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,978
corynn was smoking hotand insanely popular.
171
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:20,981
But judging by Lindsay Lohan,Debbie Gibson, and j.T.T.,
172
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:23,550
teenage popularitydoes not age well.
173
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:26,453
And I was guessingcorynn would be no different.
174
00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:28,455
Oh, my god!
She's...
175
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,000
Not exactly
what I had in mind.
176
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:30,023
Not exactly
what I had in mind.
177
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,492
But why? Why?
178
00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:33,660
Look. Look.
Yeah?
179
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:35,195
She renovated a farmhouse
in provence
180
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:37,631
with her award-winning
nature photographer husband.
181
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:40,400
She's got two adorable kids
who model part-time for j.Crew.
182
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,535
She's friends with
the barefoot contessa.
183
00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:45,138
And oh, my god. She knows how
to make mussels. Mussels, Henry.
184
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,640
Is it really that hard
to make mussels?
185
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:47,707
don't you just boil them?
186
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:51,278
If it's so easy,
why don't you make some?
187
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:53,480
Hmm? Go ahead.
Where they at?
188
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,316
Where the mussels at, Henry?
Huh? Huh?
189
00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:58,118
Where the mussels at?
190
00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:00,000
Eliza, this person
terrorized you in middle school,
191
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:00,153
eliza, this person
terrorized you in middle school,
192
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,488
elected you "most butt,"
193
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:03,490
and, in your own words,
"made you feel more disgusting
194
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:06,226
than Mary-Kate's
old French boyfriend."
195
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:08,028
I'm sorry.
I just don't think
196
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,297
corynn mcwatters is
the right role model for you.
197
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:13,133
The old corynn wasn't. But look,
look, look, look, look.
198
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,634
Not only is she
a published author,
199
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:18,138
but she also has a goldendoodle
named Hugh dancy,
200
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:20,707
and I want a goldendoodle
named Hugh dancy.
201
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:23,977
Oh, my god!
Oh, look at Hugh dancy.
202
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:27,147
Who's a good Hugh dancy?
Who's a good, good Hugh dancy?
203
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:30,000
All right, let's get a hold
of ourselves.
204
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,318
All right, let's get a hold
of ourselves.
205
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:35,021
Her instagram is curated
within an inch of its life.
206
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:36,656
You of all people should know
how easy it is
207
00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:38,024
to fake perfection.
208
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,026
Yes, except she's not faking.
I checked.
209
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:42,162
No heavy filter usage.
210
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,396
No suss cropping --
this is a low angle.
211
00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:45,165
If she had chins,
we'd be seeing them.
212
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:47,000
Isn't there
some chin removing app
213
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,335
that you're unaware of?
214
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,737
Um, hello. Eliza dooley.
215
00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:52,138
It's a pleasure to meet you.
216
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,074
There are no apps
I am unaware of.
217
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,208
Who do you think
you're talking to, Henry?
218
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:56,643
Some newborn instagram baby?
219
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:59,446
Look, corynn is having
a book reading tonight.
220
00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:00,000
Just come with me
and see for yourself.
221
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,014
Just come with me
and see for yourself.
222
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,617
You think Hugh dancy
will be there?
223
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:08,722
When you take a surf lesson,
224
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:11,157
you don't just jump
right in the ocean, do you?
225
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,393
No. You don't.
226
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:16,496
Hey, hey!
Henry, do not yell at him.
227
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,131
His blood pressure.
228
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,600
I wasn't yelling. I was just
trying to make a p--
229
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,969
let's move on.
230
00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:24,471
Now when approaching
a skateboard,
231
00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:26,172
one must always be mindful --
232
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,174
yes, Kevin? What is it?
233
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,276
I have no agilities.
234
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:31,711
That's true. He doesn't.
235
00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:34,280
Fortunately, one needn't
be agile to skate.
236
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,527
However, one must be
knowledgeable.
237
00:08:35,527 --> 00:08:36,616
However, one must be
knowledgeable.
238
00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:39,419
So we begin in 1972.
239
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,421
A man by the name
of frank nasworthy
240
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:44,157
has just invented
the polyurethane wheel...
241
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,626
...under the crushing grip
of the infamous plywood lobby,
242
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:49,295
which brings us to 1951.
243
00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:52,165
1951?! We moving backwards?
244
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,466
Boards were plentiful, sure.
245
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:55,168
But none with wheels.
246
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:58,304
Do you mind?
We're in the middle of a lesson.
247
00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:00,040
A lesson about what?
248
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,307
About skateboarding.
249
00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:04,110
You want a lesson from
a non-poseur?
250
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,527
Come by the skate park.
No doubt.
251
00:09:05,527 --> 00:09:06,246
Come by the skate park.
No doubt.
252
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:10,583
Non-poseur?
253
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:12,719
Who is a...Are you s--
254
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,087
Henry wasn't the only one
255
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:16,322
confrontinga childhood insecurity.
256
00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:19,325
I was about to meet mineat her book signing.
257
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:23,096
And even though corynn wasn'tthe perfect role model,
258
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,631
she had to be betterthan that slut.
259
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:34,140
If she had work done --
and I'm not saying she did --
260
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,527
you can bet your ass
it was some top-shelf new-new
261
00:09:35,527 --> 00:09:36,042
you can bet your ass
it was some top-shelf new-new
262
00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:37,277
probably done in Dubai.
263
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:42,715
Enchantée, everyone.
264
00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:44,984
Thank you so much
for being here.
265
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:50,190
Recipes, memories, et moi,"
266
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,625
was a real labor of love
for me --
267
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:54,661
emphasis on the labor.
268
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,663
Corynn.
269
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:57,997
A lot of the inspiration
for the book
270
00:09:57,997 --> 00:09:59,732
came from my childhood.
271
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:01,067
I grew up with her.
272
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:03,103
Not that it was easy.
273
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,004
I was a total nerd.
274
00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:05,527
No friends.
275
00:10:05,527 --> 00:10:06,606
No friends.
276
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:09,409
The kids at school
even voted me "most butt."
277
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,044
What?!
278
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:14,280
I was "most butt"!
She was "most popular"!
279
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,149
Once had a sleepover.
280
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:18,051
The popular girls
cut off my hair.
281
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,587
You! Oh!
I cried and cried.
282
00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:23,123
The only thing
that could comfort me
283
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:26,126
was my maman's
French onion soup.
284
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,594
Page 29.
285
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,462
That was my story.
Cook onion...
286
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,164
Expect for the soup part.
287
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:33,700
As I recall, I pity-binged on
snackwell's and crystal Pepsi.
288
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:35,527
But other than that,
can you believe this?!
289
00:10:35,527 --> 00:10:36,136
But other than that,
can you believe this?!
290
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,171
Huh?! That bitch stole my life!
291
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:45,111
Merci. Merci beaucoup.
292
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:48,014
And now I'd like to open it up
for all of your questions.
293
00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:49,415
Ms. mcwatters,
294
00:10:49,415 --> 00:10:51,151
I'd like
to ask about the time --
295
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,019
yeah.
I have a question, corynn.
296
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:56,022
What does it feel like
to be a big fat liar?!
297
00:10:56,022 --> 00:10:59,125
For starters,
I'm certainly not fat.
298
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:01,661
Hey! You heard me! Liar!
299
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,396
Eliza!
You still look super hot.
300
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,527
Do you remember me?
301
00:11:05,527 --> 00:11:06,099
Do you remember me?
302
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:08,067
Security!
303
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:09,969
I got her! She's mine!
I got her!
Get away from me!
304
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,672
Just get out of my way!
Corynn...
305
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,507
If you were voted "most butt,"
306
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,576
then who was voted
"most popular," huh? Me?
307
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,144
Come on, corynn.
I really wanna know.
308
00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:19,412
Huh? Aah!
Yeah!
309
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:24,050
Those are my stories!
I'm corynn mcwatters!
310
00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:26,052
Uhh! I'm corynn!
311
00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:27,187
Oh.
312
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:30,123
The second she walks out,
I'm gonna jump her.
313
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,558
I'm gonna jump her!
You can't stop me!
314
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:33,126
She's not jumping anyone, sir.
315
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,527
As long she doesn't jump her
inside the store,
316
00:11:35,527 --> 00:11:35,995
as long she doesn't jump her
inside the store,
317
00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:37,163
we're good.
318
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:39,165
You are a grown woman.
You are not jumping anyone.
319
00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:40,633
Corynn is a lying monster!
320
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:43,403
Which is exactly why I said
she's not a good role model.
321
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:44,971
This is consistent
322
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:46,139
with everything
you've told me about her.
323
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,507
I can't fathom why
you're so surprised.
324
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:50,043
Henry, I don't need you to
be right right now, okay?
325
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,578
Okay.
326
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,313
Corynn has taught me
327
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:55,481
that everything about myself
is wrong --
328
00:11:55,481 --> 00:11:57,016
the way I walked,
329
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:59,252
the way I talked,
330
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:00,720
the way I dressed.
331
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,156
And I-I worked really hard
332
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:04,757
to change that person.
333
00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:05,527
To not be that person.
334
00:12:05,527 --> 00:12:08,595
To not be that person.
335
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:12,298
And then she...
She stole that person.
336
00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:21,374
When you're young,
337
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:24,110
everybody pretends to be
something they're not.
338
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:27,080
I used to tell people
my dad invented velcro.
339
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,583
I used to tell people
I was good at skateboarding
340
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,086
even though I wasn't.
341
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,554
I thought
it made me seem cool.
342
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,091
You're not cool.
343
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,126
No.
344
00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:41,594
I never was.
345
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,699
But she is.
346
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:54,374
It's open!
347
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,310
It's open?
348
00:12:58,478 --> 00:12:59,646
I really wish
you wouldn't do that.
349
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,014
Somebody could
come right in here.
350
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:02,382
There's nothing
anyone can take
351
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:05,118
that hasn't already been taken
by corynn mcwatters.
352
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,654
Expect for this crystal Pepsi
that I bought on ebay.
353
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:09,389
I can't believe
what I'm seeing.
354
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,724
I know, right?
It only cost $80.
355
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:15,161
$80? All right, we're --
we're gonna come back to that.
356
00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:17,196
Eliza, I can't believe
you're letting corynn mcwatters
357
00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:17,642
get away with this.
358
00:13:17,642 --> 00:13:18,464
Get away with this.
359
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:21,601
What am I supposed to do?
She's corynn mcwatters.
360
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,436
And you're eliza dooley.
361
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,004
Hey.
362
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:26,406
You are the same girl
363
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:27,974
who gave Ryan gosling's cousin
a lap dance
364
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,242
at a house party in encino.
365
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,977
Or was that
some other eliza dooley?
366
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:33,479
No. That was me.
367
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,481
I-I imagine that required
a fair amount of bravery
368
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,116
on your part.
Oh.
369
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:39,552
It did.
There was no music on.
370
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:42,021
Okay, then.
Where's that girl?
371
00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:44,324
Right here.
372
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,391
Yeah!
Whoo!
373
00:13:45,391 --> 00:13:46,993
Whoo! Yeah!
374
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:47,642
Whoo!
Okay.
375
00:13:47,642 --> 00:13:49,062
Whoo!
Okay.
376
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,531
This is -- okay.
All right. All -- okay.
377
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,333
Your leg is...
378
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,535
I don't want you
to give me a lap dance.
379
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:58,037
I want you to stop
feeling sorry for yourself
380
00:13:58,037 --> 00:13:59,539
and start standing up
for yourself.
381
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:01,207
You have a lot
to be proud of.
382
00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:03,276
Yeah.
Yeah!
383
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:06,646
I also dry humped
macklemore.
384
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:09,682
After a good night's sleep
385
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,017
and some extra strengthTylenol,
386
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,552
i decided to approach corynn
387
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:15,054
and have a calm,rational conversation about
388
00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:17,223
what a trifling-ass bitchshe was.
389
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:17,642
Okay,
I want a fair fight.
Okay.
390
00:14:17,642 --> 00:14:19,359
Okay,
I want a fair fight.
Okay.
391
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,094
Her kids are nearby,
so nothing below the belt. Go.
392
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,695
Hi, corynn.
393
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,097
Remember me?
394
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,531
Aren't you the crazy woman
395
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,734
who was escorted out
of my reading last night?
396
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:30,103
Yes, she is. Sorry.
397
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:33,005
But I'm also eliza.
398
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,209
Eliza dooley.
399
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:39,512
"Most butt."
400
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:42,548
Eliza? Wow.
401
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,983
I haven't said this
since I became a mother,
402
00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:47,353
but holy ,
you look amazing.
403
00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:47,642
I know.
404
00:14:47,642 --> 00:14:49,055
I know.
405
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,323
You're like
a totally different person.
406
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,191
No, you are
a totally different person.
407
00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:53,559
Specifically, my person.
408
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:56,095
More specifically,
the person I used to be.
409
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:58,765
To be, uh, super specific,
you stole her identity.
410
00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:00,133
Which,
depending on the state,
411
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,701
is anything from
a first-degree felony
412
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:03,002
to a third-degree
misdemeanor.
413
00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:05,071
So kiss your kids goodbye,
corynn.
414
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,639
You're going to prison.
415
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:09,142
She's --
she's not going to prison.
416
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:12,011
That's a different kind
of identity theft.
417
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:14,046
She was never that bright.
418
00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:15,581
This was a really bad idea.
419
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,150
Let's just get out of here.
420
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:17,642
No, no.
Eliza...
421
00:15:17,642 --> 00:15:18,584
No, no.
Eliza...
422
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,520
I'm sorry I stole
423
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:24,257
your sad-sack,
"most butt" nonexistence.
424
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,591
Apology accepted.
Thanks, corynn.
425
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:29,162
But I just need that backstory
more than you do.
426
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:32,598
No one wants life lessons
and dinner planning ideas
427
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:35,101
from a still-gorgeous
former mean girl.
428
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,170
Former mean girl?
429
00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:41,474
You just burned
corynn mcwatters!
430
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,443
Now you try.
Ah...
431
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,346
Hey, corynn,
432
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:47,642
your quick-and-easy
dinner ideas
433
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:48,714
your quick-and-easy
dinner ideas
434
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:50,516
are neither quick nor easy.
435
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:52,084
I tried to make one
last night,
436
00:15:52,084 --> 00:15:56,088
and it took me forever
and it tasted like crap.
437
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:02,061
That's more of a burn on you,
but really good try! Yeah!
438
00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:05,498
I did it.I handled corynn mcwatters.
439
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:09,101
And now there was somethingHenry needed to do.
440
00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:10,636
One...
441
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:11,671
Whoo!
442
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,206
Two...
443
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,008
Whoo!
Yeah!
444
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:17,310
Two...
445
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:17,642
Do it, bro!
446
00:16:17,642 --> 00:16:19,111
Do it, bro!
447
00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:21,047
Just drop in! Whoo!
448
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:22,982
- Whoo!
- Yeah. Come on. Do it.
449
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,183
What if I die?
450
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:27,019
- What if you live?
- Yeah.
451
00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:29,489
Right. Yeah.
452
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,659
Whoo!
453
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:36,996
No. Didn't work.
454
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,733
Okay, on the count of three,
I'm -- I'm just gonna run up
455
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,235
and I'm gonna push you in, okay?
456
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,470
- No, you can't do that!
- Push him! Ride or die!
457
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:46,973
Yeah!
No!
458
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:47,642
One!
459
00:16:47,642 --> 00:16:48,741
One!
460
00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:50,409
Come on!
Two!
461
00:16:50,409 --> 00:16:51,677
Three!
462
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,646
Oh, god!
463
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:56,282
Oh, my god! Henry!
464
00:16:58,484 --> 00:17:01,721
I did it!
465
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:05,191
I think I broke
every bone in my body.
466
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:09,028
Hey, somebody get me a frosty!
467
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:12,064
I was proud of Henry,and it seemed like everyone
468
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:13,666
was traveling outsideof their comfort zone.
469
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:16,202
Linda,
is that a French braid?
470
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,642
Yeah. I decided to try
something different.
471
00:17:17,642 --> 00:17:20,506
Yeah. I decided to try
something different.
472
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:23,042
I just find her
so incredibly inspiring.
473
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:26,078
Apparently, she comes from
a very ugly background,
474
00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:29,282
and she overcame all of that
to be hot and successful.
475
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:30,616
Did you read it?
476
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:34,720
Read it?Hell, I practically wrote it.
477
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,124
I didn't needto search the world
478
00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:39,525
for a positivefemale role model
479
00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:42,128
with a more robust hairlinethan Madeleine albright.
480
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,198
I already had one.
481
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:50,570
13-year-old mewould have never believed it.
482
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,138
I had surpassed expectations
483
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:55,107
and grown up to havea hot boyfriend and a cool job.
484
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:57,076
13-year-old mewould be really proud.
485
00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:00,079
And now it was time to show13-year-old me
486
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,082
that I was proud of her, too.
487
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:06,352
♪ Hide in a place you know
that no one ever goes ♪
488
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:10,122
♪ keep in a sack in which
it always stays closed ♪
489
00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:13,225
♪ I need a knack
for keepin' out of trouble ♪
490
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:17,096
♪ you know how it can go ♪
491
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:17,642
♪ I don't know what I'm like
but everybody says ♪
492
00:18:17,642 --> 00:18:19,632
♪ I don't know what I'm like
but everybody says ♪
493
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:24,437
♪ you're not the kind
that gets out of your head ♪
494
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,039
♪ I keep talkin'
all these crazy clumsy words ♪
495
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,207
Yeah.
496
00:18:28,207 --> 00:18:30,977
Yes!
497
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:32,678
♪ And I know
that I've been heard ♪
498
00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:36,215
Whoo!
499
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:41,153
What -- what the hell, baby?
500
00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:43,222
Do you like it?
501
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:46,325
You're crazy.
502
00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:47,642
Is that you?
503
00:18:47,642 --> 00:18:49,028
Is that you?
504
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:50,296
Hey.
505
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:51,497
It's not funny. It's not.
506
00:18:51,497 --> 00:18:55,167
Oh, come on. It's --
it's a little funny.
507
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:58,437
Yeah,
maybe it's a little funny.
508
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:04,076
What's her deal, huh?
509
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:05,511
What's she into?
510
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:09,015
I don't know.
511
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:11,183
New kids on the block
and...Furby.
512
00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:12,451
Yeah?
513
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:14,186
Well...
514
00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:17,590
Think she might like a cute boy
to take her to concert sometime?
515
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:17,642
I think she would
literally crap her pants.
516
00:19:17,642 --> 00:19:22,294
I think she would
literally crap her pants.
517
00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:23,696
Then tell her to bring
a change of pants.
518
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,371
That night, I dreamt about
519
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:34,140
next year's
"women in pharma" brunch,
520
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:37,343
which I would def be at.
521
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:40,513
Because who knows how manyother women I could inspire?
522
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:46,352
That's your new mantra.
523
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,054
That's a good mantra.
524
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,121
Where's your g.F.?
525
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:53,159
Eliza? Oh, she's not my g.F.
She's just my f.
526
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,161
You ever hook up with her?
527
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:57,063
No.
528
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,626
But I once saw her naked.
529
00:19:58,626 --> 00:19:58,698
But I once saw her naked.
530
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,166
All right!
Yeah!
531
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:01,600
Wait.
532
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,569
You saw her naked but you
didn't hook up with her?
533
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:05,971
What happened to "no fear"?
534
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:07,606
That's before I had this.
535
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,382
♪ I promised you
I'm never giving up ♪
536
00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:25,751
♪ never giving up,
never giving up ♪
537
00:21:25,751 --> 00:21:28,626
♪ I won't give in ♪
538
00:21:28,626 --> 00:21:28,654
♪ I won't give in ♪
539
00:21:28,654 --> 00:21:31,657
Next time, I'll be ready.
Yeah, right.
540
00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:32,992
Nice.
♪ but now that
my body's giving up ♪
541
00:21:32,992 --> 00:21:34,160
♪ my legs are giving out ♪
542
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,562
♪ my head is throwing up
its hands ♪
543
00:21:36,562 --> 00:21:37,997
♪ it's asking ♪
544
00:21:37,997 --> 00:21:40,399
Whoo.
545
00:21:40,399 --> 00:21:43,369
♪ Can we wait for the summer
again? ♪
546
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:50,309
♪ Can we hold out
for summer again? ♪
37793
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof