All language subtitles for Bobs Burgers s15e06 Hope N Mic Night.eng

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[Frond over P.A.]
Good afternoon, students.

Before you leave today,

just a quick update.

Our school-wide talent show

that was scheduled for this
Friday has been canceled.

-[students exclaim]
-We had a few sign-ups

and I certainly
don't want to say

the talent show was canceled
due to lack of talent,

but, um, let's say it has been

postponed indefinitely
while we, uh, develop

the, um, talent.

Have a great afternoon!

-[grunting]
-Unbelievable. I am offended.

We were gonna dominate
that talent show.

We were gonna make it sorry
it was ever born.

W-Weren't we just
gonna do a song?

-We were gonna do a song, too.
-We were gonna sing it.

I was maybe gonna do
a dance for the talent show,

but now I don't want to.

I mean, you can't,
'cause it's canceled?

Right, but still.
Not gonna do it.

You know what?
You guys should ask your dad

to have a talent show
at his restaurant.

Like an open mic night
or something.

Why don't you ask your dad

to have an open mic night
at your restaurant?

Our dad is not open
to our innovative ideas.

Plus, do you want to perform
for no one?

You got to have an audience
for these things.

That's our restaurant's
unofficial motto:

"avoid the crowds."

Our dad said he would have

an open mic night
at the restaurant,

except that he likes
fun things that are good.

-So, no.
-Open mic night?

-No.
-Ooh...

No, Lin. No "Ooh."

Bob. Open mic night.
We should do that.

Uh, I feel like
you're not hearing me.

You're saying no,
but that's just a thing you say.

I- What?

Plus, Dad, we'll be performing

and it'll be amazing.

-What would you perform?
-Something with a bongo.

-A ballad about salad.
-Might be about a tree.

I mean, it's still
coming together.

We want to perform, too.

[raspy vocalizing]

Up, bup, bup, bup. Wow!
That's just a taste.

-Lin. See?
-What? No. I mean...

I went to an open mic night
at a coffee shop

with my cousin once.
The place was packed.

-It was?
-Yeah, on a Wednesday night.

-How packed?
-W-Were people buying things?

-Y-You probably didn't notice.
-I ate three scones.

And I wasn't planning
to eat any scones.

-No one plans to eat a scone.
-Mm.

-We can advertise, right?
-Yeah. -Yeah.

But we want a cut of the door.

We couldn't charge at the door.
No one would pay.

We want a cut of the food.

-No.
-Cut of the beverages?

-No.
-Streaming rights?

May- Uh, sure.

And we'll emcee and we'll handle

the sign-up sheet
and if we get a line,

Tina will be on crowd control.

Uh, I will?

-Hmm. A line.
-Deal?

Okay, deal. I-If we can
make a little money.

Gordon the Gecko over here.

-Yay! Open mic.
-Great. -Wow.

-Yay!
-[whoops]

[both] ? La-la, la-la,
la-la, la-la-la-la ?

Boys. Boys, too much.
Holster it.

-Yeah, yeah.
-Mm-hmm, got it.

We really should figure out
what we're gonna sing.

It needs to be something
groundbreaking.

Do you have anything
groundbreaking handy?

You got to spit out your love

when you're brushing your heart?

Keep thinking. Have something
ready by lunch tomorrow.

Oh, good.
So, I have time.

Oof.
"A P.A. is a must-have."

Of course it is.
What's a P.A.?

Speakers and a mixing board
and mics.

Can't people just sing loud?

That's what I was hoping,
but apparently not.

Mics seem to be a big part
of open mic nights.

Oh, God, it's, like,
$200 a day to rent.

-Oh, boy.
-[exclaims] We have to pay a licensing fee.

-Wha?
-To the music rights people.

It looks like it might be a lot.

Maybe we don't have to pay
if it's just one night?

What do you think,
the first one's free,

like a sex worker?

-A sex worker?
-Yeah.

I don't think sex workers give
you the first one for free.

-That's drug dealers.
-Oh, Mr. Streets over here.

Knows who gives
the first one free.

-I'm not Mr. Streets.
-Mm-hmm.

[sighs] Maybe we don't
do the open mic night.

We-we shouldn't lose
money on this, right?

-Yeah. I guess not.
-Should I go tell the kids?

Eh. You can tell 'em
in the morning.

-Or you could tell 'em.
-Oh, no, I'm not telling 'em.

Great. But you'll back me up
on this, right?

-[snores]
-Lin?

Maybe the kids won't even care.

They've probably moved on
to not-open-mic related things.

Open mic night at Bob's Burgers.

Come for the beats,
stay for the meats.

I hope it's okay
that we got up early

and made these without
checking with Mom and Dad.

They already agreed.
Yesterday.

We're preapproved to launch
our amazing ad campaign.

Thank you.

Whoa!

Are you having
an open mic night?

-Maybe.
-Maybe?

Would a landlord have
a problem, theoretically,

if a tenant
had an open mic night

in their place of business?

A landlord?
Is that what you think of me?

-Yes.
-We pay you rent. Sometimes.

Sure, I own the hovel
that you live and work in,

but first and foremost,
I am a troubadour,

-a minstrel.
-A menstrual?

-Please reserve a spot
for me, Young Burgers. -Sign-ups are day of.

[clears throat] Let's go back
to the landlord part.

Uh, we'll-we'll find
a spot for you.

Thank you.

I'll be inviting
the Princess Angelica Flavia

to join me.

She's an actual Belgian princess
who plays the harp.

We've already got, like,
three of those.

-Really?
-No, I'm kidding. She's the first one.

She's traveling the country
by private train.

And I was hoping to check out
her caboose, so to speak.

She's, uh, an age appropriate
princess for me, you see.

-She's a PILF.
-Yes, I suppose so.

And that makes me a pilferer.
Wish me luck.

-Good luck.
-Good luck?

[Linda]
Where the heck are the kids?

I don't know. It's spooky
when they get up before we do.

-It's like they escaped.
-So, no go on the open mic, huh?

Yeah. It-it just costs
too much. We can't do it.

I feel like Mort
talked you into this

-and we should all be
mad at him. -Oh, here they are.

Kids, hey, listen.
We've got some news that-

Dad, Dad, Dad.
Everybody's coming

to the open mic night.
Everybody.

-You're welcome.
-What? -Wait, what?

-We fliered.
-I paid for the copies.

I'm hoping I can get reimbursed?

I have the receipt.
Oh, boy,

I think I handed it to someone
instead of a flier.

-Oh, my God.
-It's also online.

Probably viral. We ran into Mort
and he said he'd post about it

on all the neighborhood apps.

He took a picture of the flier
with his phone.

My thumb's gonna be famous.

Don't let it go to your head.

Oh, my God.

Kids, you should not have made
fliers without asking.

We're not doing
the open mic night.

-[all] What?
-[entry bells chime]

-Bob.
-Uh, hey, Marshmallow.

[all]
Hi, Marshmallow.

I love your outfit.

It's just what I wear to work.

Bob, I'm so glad you're doing
this open mic night.

Um, we're not
actually doing it.

Are you calling
this flier a liar?

I'm sorry. It would just cost us
money that we don't have.

Like, uh, a lot of it.

Dad.
We're gonna pack the place.

Kids, I know
you wanted to perform,

but you don't even know
what song you want to sing.

That doesn't mean anything.

Yeah, we're gonna figure it out
at the last minute.

That's how all great works
of art are made.

Beethoven's 5th-
he came up with that

the day before the concert.

Ken Burns' Baseball
was mostly improv.

-Kids.
-Bob.

-Yes?
-This is about expression.

-The plate is your stage.
-Whoa.

When these kids
want to make some noise,

do they have a stage?

It was gonna be at school, but
the talent show was canceled.

The talent show
was canceled, Bob.

The talent show was canceled.

The talent show
was canceled, Bob.

Yes, I know. What, uh, what if
the kids sing a song,

but we don't have mics
and we don't

call it an open mic night?

That's still a stage, right?

-Got to have mics. Come on.
-And an audience.

And other performers
to compare ourselves to.

And boys. Maybe, like, a youth
basketball team's bus

breaks down right in front
on the night of the show.

-I want to sing, too.
-You do?

I need to sing. Here.
Right here. Friday night.

Right there?
That's so specific.

My parents are coming to town.

I saw this flier
and I said, "Well, well."

"Well, well," what?

-Don't what my "well, well."
-Sorry.

Bob, I have places to be.

I came by to say save me a slot.

Will you be saving me a slot
at your open mic night?

Say yes.

[sighs]
Fine.

[all]
Yay!

Thank you. Kids,
your parents are good people.

Do all your chores this week.
All of them.

-Uh...
-Don't ruin this.

Yeah, what the heck,
Marshmallow?

-Excuse me?
-Sorry.

Lots of great song ideas
over here.

-Well, I've got nothing.
-Oh, phew. Me neither.

-I've got something.
-Is that my journal?

Yeah, sometimes
when I'm blocked,

I flip through it
for inspiration.

-You do?
-Look at this.

-Whoa.
-That's a song.

-It is.
-Let me see.

You were pressing very hard
with your pen in this section.

I'm still processing

the "I read your journal
when I'm feeling blocked" part.

Gene, don't read your sister's
journal without asking.

-Oh, look at that.
-Mom.

So, we watching TV or what?

-We're songwriting.
-No, we're songwriting.

No parents.
It's a surprise.

Fine. I'll go watch
the computer with your father.

Do we still have
your grandma's password?

[all]
It doesn't work anymore.

-[Linda] Damn it.
-Tina, that stuff is better

than anything else
we're gonna come up with.

All it needs is some bongo.

That's true about everything.

But it-it's embarrassing.

W-What if Jimmy Junior comes
to the open mic night, he-

Wait, he may be busy.

I think he has
a wrestling meet that night.

Give me the journal.
He does. Hmm.

Is it home or away?
It's away, that's good.

[quietly]
Everything's in there.

[quietly]
She's very thorough.

[sighs]

Uh, I-I'll think about it.

I mean, it's personal,
the things I wrote

and want to do,
so, probably... definitely not.

-Sure, sure.
-Uh-huh, we respect that.

[Gene]
Okay, hot off the presses, people.

Take one and pass the stack.
Some of you know our band,

the Itty Bitty Ditty Committee.

Darryl and Peter are pursuing
a solo project called

"They Didn't Feel
Like Doing This,"

so we're forming
a new group for this event.

[groans]
That's private. Excuse me.

Thank you. I'll take that.
Gene, Louise, not okay.

We need to audition
people today.

I mean, sorry?

-Aah!
-She's just shy.

Teenagers.
Am I right?

-She'll come around.
-How about this?

Who can get dropped off
at our house on Friday night?

You're all in the band.
You saw some of the notes.

Learn 'em tonight.
The rhythm's like this.

[vocalizing wildly]

Learn it, people.

[Teddy] You know, I'm thinking
about doing a song.

-With Mort.
-Oh, God.

-What?
-I mean, uh, good. Yup.

-He plays guitar.
-Uh-huh.

You know, I give him
a hard time sometimes

because he's annoying,
but i-it'd be fun.

He wants to do a bossa nova.
What's a bossa nova?

Uh, I think it's Latin Jazz?

What? Why did I agree
to do this with Mort?

I don't have that kind
of sensuality!

[playing piano]

? ?

? Oh... ?

[band plays final note]

-So?
-[sighs]

Fine.
We can do the song.

Hey, save that fire
for the show.

Bob.
Mrs. Bob.

I'm here to make sure the piano
gets properly situated.

-[Linda] The piano?
-Yes, it's in the truck.

We're gonna take
the window frame out,

crane in the piano,
then put the window back.

-You cats cool with that?
-What? N-no.

Relax, Bob.
Hey, what you got there-

some little tiny speakers
and a little tiny mixer?

Um, no. Normal-sized speakers
and a big-enough mixer.

We-we rented them.

Well, I brought a system
from the wharf.

My voice just sounds tinny
on anything less than 500 watts.

Don't worry.
I won't charge you for it.

It would have been good
to know this before.

Can't get a refund.

Hmm. Gonna be tight in here
with a nine-foot concert grand.

We'll need to remove
these stools.

-No objection, I take it?
-[sighs]

And I'd love a little height.
Uh, okay if we put in a riser?

-[Bob] Mm.
-And curtains and lights, of course.

-[Bob] Of course.
-Wish it wasn't a burger place.

Too late to change that?
Couldn't it be a wine bar?

-Ooh!
-Lin.

Oh, I love the lights.
Magical.

-Yup.
-All right.

I borrowed this clipboard
from Mr. Frond at school

for our day-of sign-up sheet.

It's day-of o'clock.
So let's sign up.

Going last: Louise,

Gene, Tina and friends.

Mom, are you gonna sign up?
You love to sing. Constantly.

No, I was gonna sing something
with Gayle, but she's gonna go

to that papier-m�ch� convention,
M�ch�-micon.

It's fine.
I'll be too busy working anyway.

-Slinging that hash,
making that cash. -[entry bells chime]

Making cash?
Huh-ho!

-Trying something new? Zoom!
-Bye, Jimmy.

-Thanks for stopping by.
-[chuckles] I'm teasing, Bob.

Having an open mic night, huh?
That's dumb.

Bye, Jimmy.
Thanks for stopping by.

You got to pay
a license fee for song rights.

You know that, right?
And you can't weasel out of it,

'cause, you know, someone could
so easily drop a dime on you.

Well, I already paid it, Jimmy,
so, uh, bye.

Heh. Course, if you do, by
some miracle, pack the place,

then a concerned neighbor
could call the fire marshal

-to come count heads.
-Oh.

[laughs]
Oh, ho-ho-ho!

You didn't think of that.

[chuckles] Yeah.

Probably 'cause you don't even
know your maximum occupancy

because it never comes up.

-That's a zoom.
-Hey, Jimmy,

can I take a five-minute break
later tonight?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why'd you even come over here

-to ask me that?
-Can I get five minutes at 7:00?

Trev at 7:00.

Don't sign up for the thing.

What?
I've got music in me.

Andy and Ollie are singing, too.

I know.
I'll be here.

-And watch me, also?
-Yeah, yeah.

But I'm not gonna
be proud of anybody.

Crap. Being over capacity-
I didn't think of that.

-That fine would kill us.
-Maybe just exactly

the right amount of people
will come?

I don't know if it's the exact
right amount of people,

but, um, they're already here.

You've got a line.

-Yes!
-Oh.

Do they look hungry?

That guy's got takeout.

Oh, and sorry, the band kids

are expecting free fries.

-[Bob groans]
-There's nothing I could do,

it's in their contract.

All right.
Welcome to open mic night

at Bob's Burgers.

First of many.

[coughs]
Push the food.

Oh, and buy some food.

Gene didn't flick anything
into the meat grinder today.

Oh, my God.

Okay, let's start the show

with Andy and Ollie Pesto
doing "Moonlight Sonata."

I didn't know you guys
played the piano.

I thought you were singing.

-We don't play the piano.
-What's a piano?

[vocalizing]

? Please, Mr. Postman ?

? Look and see... ?
Okay, it's my job.

? Is there a letter
in your bag for me? ?

Could be.
? You know, it's been ?

? A really long time ?

? Since I heard from ?

-? This girlfriend of mine... ?
-[Trev] ? My friends ?

? Feel it's their
appointed duty ?

? They keep trying to tell me ?

? All you want to do
is use me... ?

Eesh, somebody
hurt that guy, huh?

-Mm. Mm-hmm.
-Uh-oh.

You been counting
as people come in?

-Uh, yeah.
-No, you haven't.

You can't count.
Might be overcrowded, Bob.

Excuse me,
I got to think of a good zoom

to say to Trev
when he comes off.

Oh, God.

[whispers] Tina, Tina.

Uh, sorry, we're at capacity.

It's, uh, one in, one out
from now on.

[chuckles]
My young burger child,

we're the star attraction.

Sorry, fire code.
And I'm supposed to be muscle.

-So, it, uh-
-Tell you what, we're gonna push past you, Muscles.

But as soon as I get in,
I'm gonna find two people

and tell them
you said they have to leave.

Okay, you're going in.
Yep.

? Good lovin' gone bad ?

? And it's usually too late ?

? When you ?

? Realize what you had ?

? My mind goes back
to a girl I left ?

? Some years ago ?

? Who told me ?

? Just hold on loosely ?

? But don't let go... ?

[whispers] Your Majesty,
please, I assure you,

this is one of
the hottest scenes in town.

-I mean, it's all relative,
of course- -The smell.

It makes me sick!
It makes me sick!

-Hurtful.
-Very hurtful.

Hey, no one's eating.

I'm just making fries
for band kids.

I think everyone's
about to order a burger.

-[entry bells chime]
-Oh, crap! -What?

[Bob]
That's the fire marshal.

-Jimmy.
-I didn't call him, I swear.

-Nice turnout.
-Y- Uh, yep.

I was just on my way
to the papier-m�ch� convention-

-highly flammable convention-
-M�ch�-micon.

when I heard
the music in here.

You know what the fine is
for being over capacity?

I... I-I don't.

Don't answer yet.
Guess what the fine is

for obstructing the main exit.

W-We're not obstructing
the main exit that much.

You just have to go like this

to get by the harp
and the speaker.

-I'm shutting this down.
-[whimpers]

-Shutting us down?
-And fining you.

-Don't gloss over that.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Is someone shutting us down?

-Louise.
-No! We haven't gone yet.

We rehearsed two and half times.

What, is this guy
the fire marshal or something?

-Yes.
-Oh. Hi.

[fire marshal] You want to make
the announcement or should I?

[Bob]
Oh, no, like,

tell people they have to leave?

That's how
getting shut down works.

Teddy and Mort, everyone.
Teddy and Mort.

-[applause]
-Good thing you're a mortician, Mort, 'cause you killed.

I-It's just, we haven't sold
that many burgers.

Could they order a bunch of food
to go before they leave?

Seems like you want me
to shut it down.

Folks-
Oh. Marshmallow.

-Marty.
-Oh, you-you know each other?

Marty, you are not about
to mess with my moment.

-Were you gonna sing?
-For my parents.

-I, um...
-They've never heard me sing.

Uh, and they live far away,
and they're old.

-Oh... [chuckles]
-Marty,

-who saved your life
in that nightclub? -You did.

And who never told anyone
that embarrassing way

you almost died
in that nightclub?

-You.
-And what were you doing in that nightclub?

Were you dancing, Marty?

-I was dancing, and-and-
-You were dancing

with an open flame,
weren't you, Marty?

-I was-
-The fire marshal.

Yes, I w- I made a mistake.

-And did you start
a fire, Marty? -I-I did start a fire.

And I carried you
out of that building, Marty,

like a baby.

Yes, I-I felt very safe.

Louise, how many more acts?

-Fischoeder, you, us.
-Marty.

Code enforcement
starts with this code.

It doesn't, but you know what?

I counted wrong,
and those guys are leaving.

A-And look at that,
they barely have to form

a single-file line
to push their way out.

I'm a big music fan.

Did I tell you
I was a music fan?

-No.
-Great. -Let's hear some music.

Attaboy.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Mr. Calvin Fischoeder
and Her Majesty,

the Princess Angelica Flavia.

? ?

? Baby, it seems we never ?

? Ever agree ?

? I like the movies ?

? And I like TV ?

? I take things serious ?

? And you take 'em light ?

? I go to bed early ?

? And I party all night ?

? Our friends are saying ?

? We ain't gonna last ?

? 'Cause I move slowly ?

? And baby, I'm fast ?

? I like it quiet ?

? And I love to shout ?

? But when we get together ?

? It just all works out... ?

Jimmy Jr!
Jimmy Jr. is here.

-That's not good.
-Hey, Tina.

Hey, there, bud.

I came straight here
from wrestling.

I didn't even change.

Yep, yep.
You are here.

You are right here.

You seem kind of freaked out.

Do I smell?
That's not my sweat.

-That's the other guy's.
-Uh-huh.

Excuse me one sec.

-We can't do the song.
-Or we go the other way

-and we do the song.
-Nope. What's our backup plan?

-Run?
-Tina, it's honest,

it's raw and it's real.

-Also, we have nothing else.
-Damn it.

[weak chuckle]
Let's get you a drink, huh?

You a water man?
Juice man?

Uh, oh, yeah, you are covered
in someone else's sweat.

That's wrestling for you.

? ?

? There's a road ?

? I know I must go ?

? Even though I tell myself ?

? That road is closed ?

? Listen, lonely seabird ?

? You've been away from land ?

? Too long ?

? Oh, too long ?

? I don't listen ?

? To the news no more ?

? Like an unwound clock,
I just ?

? Don't seem to care ?

? This world isn't big enough ?

? To keep me away ?

? From you ?

? Oh, from you ?

? Seabird, seabird ?

? Fly home ?

? Seabird, seabird ?

? Fly home ?

? Seabird, seabird ?

? Fly home. ?

[cheering, applause]

[Louise]
Marshmallow, everyone.

Mr. F, we can
stand on this, right?

-I do it almost every night.
-Folks, people,

our open mic night
is almost over.

Hey, how about a hand for
the kids behind the counter?

Just kidding.
They're not kids.

Look how old they are.

Um, did everyone order
three or four burgers?

Hmm. This night might not
be the big moneymaker

we thought it would be.

Pass it around, people.

Who wants to help us
dig out of the hole

that we, uh...
that some of us, uh, dug here?

[sighs]

-Oh.
-[Gene] Did you want to hear

-one last song?
-[applause]

[hyperventilating]

[whispers]
Tina, it's a good song.

If we're gonna do this...

-Jimmy Jr.!
-Yeah?

-I hope you like it.
-What?

-? A light goes on inside ?
-[vocalizing]

? When I behold your backside ?

? A-one, two, three ?

? I want to draw a face
on your butt and then kiss it ?

? I want to draw a star
on your butt and then wish it ?

? I want to build a house
on your butt and then visit ?

? Put a big E on your butt,
it's explicit ?

-? You're a dancer, a wrestler ?
-? Uh-huh, yeah ?

? So you know
that butt's impress-ler... ?

-Mom, get up here.
-Yay!

? I want to draw a face
on your butt and then kiss it ?

? I want to draw a star
on your butt and then wish it ?

? I want to build a house
on your butt and then visit ?

? Put a big E on your butt,
it's explicit ?

-? You're a dancer, a wrestler ?
-? Uh-huh, yeah ?

? So you know
that butt's impress-ler ?

-? Yeah ?
-? Ow, ow, ow, ow ?

-? I want to draw a face
on your butt and then kiss it ? -? Kiss it ?

-? I want to draw a star
on your butt and then wish it ? -? Wish it ?

-? I want to build a house
on your butt and then visit ? -? Visit ?

? Put a big E on your butt,
it's explicit ?

-? Uh-huh ?
-? Yeah, yeah, yeah ?

? I want to draw a face
on your butt and then kiss it ?

? I want to draw a star
on your butt and then wish it ?

? I want to build a house
on your butt and then visit ?

? Put a big E on your butt,
it's explicit ?

? Put it on your butt,
explicit, yeah. ?

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