Original subtitles

♪ I bet we've been together for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll be together for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like I started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed

♪ and I can't remember what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love each other through ♪

♪ ooh-hoo

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ sha-la-la-la

Well, after today's victory, Alex,

I've beaten you 58 games in a row.

What do you have to say about that?

All right, you got the momentum.

Momentum? Alex, I blocked every shot you took.

Maybe that was my strategy.

Huh? You ever think of that?

Maybe I wanted you to win 58 games in a row.

That way, you get overconfident, start getting sloppy.

Then I make my move.

Let's face it, Alex,

we could play a hundred more games

and I'll beat you every time.

And you know why?

Because I am a better player than you are.

I'm quicker, I'm a better rebounder,

and I'm tougher.

I'm telling. Ma!

Hey, Jenny, what's shaking, huh?

Hey, Alex, how my little friend?

I'm fine, I'm fine, Nick.

And, uh... And I'm not your little friend.

Oh, hey, sorry, man. Ow.

Mallory!

Hey, Mallory!

Hi.

Hey, babe.

Where you been?

Uh, nowhere.

What's happenin'?

Uh, nothing, you know. What you been doin'?

Stuff. Where are we goin'?

Around. Someplace.

The "McNeil/Lehrer report" will be right back.

Alex, do you mind?

This conversation does not involve you.

And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Well, I'd love to sit around and grunt with you two, but...

I got to get going.

Hey, come on. I'm starvin'. You ready to go?

Oh, Nick, I forgot to tell you,

I can't go out tonight. I have to go out to dinner

with my parents at the lobster pot.

Why don't you come with us?

Oh, what? Are you kidding?

You know your folks don't want me along for dinner.

They're still upset about last time.

Oh, right.

I don't know what the big deal was.

They got all upset about how I was dressed.

You know, I wore a tie.

But you didn't wear a shirt.

I didn't want to spill nothin' on it.

Hey, come along, anyway.

I think my parents are really getting to like you.

Oh, yeah.

So, why can't they say my name without gritting their teeth?

"Hello, Nick.

Good to see you."

They don't.

They stopped doing that.

Hi, mom. Hi, dad.

Hi, Mal.

Look who's here.

Hello, Nick.

Um, I-i invited Nick along for dinner.

I hope that's okay.

I... That's great.

Mom, I don't know what you're so upset about.

Nick was just doing what he thought was right.

Mallory, when they brought around the lobster tank,

Nick was supposed to just pick one for his dinner,

not set them all free.

Nick's an artist. He's... He's sensitive.

He couldn't stand to see lobsters

cooped up like criminals, so he let them go.

Hey, Mr. Keaton, I'm sorry.

Like I said, you know, I just got carried away.

Anyway, I told you I'd pay you back.

I got 40 lobsters in here, Nick.

I don't need money. I need recipes.

Steven, what are we gonna do with all of these?

I don't know. Look, let's just take them upstairs

And put them in the bathtub until we figure out

something to do. That's good.

They'll probably want to freshen up after the long ride home.

Mallory, I'm about to give up on your parents.

You know, everything I do around them turns out bad.

I let the lobsters go. They get upset.

They're so unpredictable.

Why does this kind of thing always have to happen?

I'm sorry.

No, forget it. Forget it.

I'm gonna go change. I'll be down in a minute.

This guy tried to make a break for it.

I wrestled him to the ground.

Well, why don't you let him go, Alex?

He looks so sad.

No, no, Nick, he's fine, really.

He wasn't trying to run away.

He just wanted to grab a quick smoke.

Hey, um, Alex,

uh, can I talk to you for a minute?

I got a little problem, and I-I think you can help.

Well, sure, Nick, I'm always here for you.

What is it? And make it quick.

Look, like, I'm always getting in trouble

around your parents.

I mean, it really upsets Mallory,

and I don't want to put her through it anymore.

So you got to help me.

I got to be more acceptable to your parents,

but I don't know how.

Well, what do you want me to do, Nick?

Well, um, show me how to fit in, you know?

Show me... How to be like you.

Well, Nick...

...it isn't that easy.

I mean, if it was, everybody would be doing it.

Hey, come on, Alex.

You know, show me what's wrong with me.

And how can I fix it?

Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick...

I wouldn't know where to start.

Uh, just pick a place.

All right, okay.

Let's start with the way you talk.

When... When you walk into a room

and everybody says hello, what do you say?

Hey.

What is that?

Well, it's my hello.

Well, then just say hello.

Hello, Alex.

Hey, that's a start. Okay, you got, uh...

You got the words right, anyway.

Okay, listen, if you want to fit in here at all

you got to learn to make normal conversation, okay?

No more monosyllabic grunts.

Huh?

No.

No. No more. See, you...

You got to know things,

you got to read the newspaper,

you got to get a job.

You have got to change, Nick.

- I do, huh? - That's right.

That's right. If you want to fit in around here, Nick,

you got to look like me, you got to act like me,

you got to talk like me, you got to be another me.

Okay. I'll do it.

I'll do it because I love Mallory.

Why do you do it?

Sweet boy. Yes, you are.

And a very good boy.

A good, sweet, sweet, gorgeous boy.

And you're a smart boy.

Yes, you're a very, very smart, smart boy.

Yes, you are.

Mom... You're doing it again.

What's that?

You're creating another Alex.

And you must be stopped.

I got it.

Hello, Alex.

How are you today?

How are you?

Who are you?

Hey, don't you remember our little talk?

Yeah, yeah, I do.

I didn't think you would.

You, uh... This... This is great.

Uh, mom, Jen...

Guess who.

Nick? Nick?

Hello, Mrs. Keaton,

Jennifer.

A lovely evening, wouldn't you say?

Yes. Yes.

Uh, I am afraid I am a bit tardy.

Mallory must be waiting for me.

Indeed, she is.

Allow me to call her for you.

I would be obliged.

Oh, Mallory!

I say, Mallory...

Nick is here.

Mallory: coming!

Okay, where is he?

Hey, Mallory. Over here. It's me, Nick.

Whoa.

Nick? Yeah.

What happened to you?

What do you mean, what happened to me?

You look ridiculous.

You, uh...

You look... You look like Alex.

Nick, how did you get here?

I mean, I-I didn't hear your motorcycle.

Oh, I sold it. I-I took the bus here.

I find public transportation in this community

to be clean and efficient.

Has your experience been similar?

Um...

Yeah.

Oh, and, uh, additionally,

I got a job at Gleason Brothers Shoes.

Currently, I am in the stockroom,

but I hope to be elevated to sales,

one day.

C-c-can I... Can I talk to Nick alone?

Uh, that's okay, we were on our way upstairs, anyway...

Uh, make sure none of the lobsters escaped.

Yeah, we, uh... We think they're digging a tunnel.

Nick, what's going on?

Hey, come on, Mallory, I know it seems weird,

but it's very important to me to win your parents' respect.

Why?

Well, if they don't respect me, it upsets you, you know?

So I made a few changes.

But it's not really you.

Please, Mallory, I'm doing this because I love you.

Well, I guess that's a good reason.

Hey, let's celebrate, huh?

Come on, I want to take you out to dinner, all right?

Oh, okay, let's go.

Uh, but, uh,

you aren't gonna go out dressed like that, are you?

Oh, uh...

I guess I am a little underdressed

to go out with you now.

- I'll go change. - All right.

How do you do? I'm Steven Keaton.

Hey, uh, Mr. Keaton, it's me - Nick.

Hey.

Nick!

It is you.

Hey, hey. What'd I tell ya, huh?

Oh, uh, you know,

I've been meaning to strike up this conversation with you

for some time.

You know, scientists say

that the Earth is going to self-destruct

within two billion years.

Now, what can we as citizens do?

Lobster again?

Come on, Jennifer. You love it.

But this is the fourth time this week.

I'm starting to grow claws.

Doing something a little different tonight.

Lobster dogs.

Hi, honey, I'm home.

Oh, hi. How did your meeting go?

Well, the Wallaces approved my plans for the new addition

to their house.

Oh, great. Oh, by the way, Elyse,

uh, I thought I'd invite Nick to dinner tonight.

Again?

Can't we have one dinner this week without Nick?

Yeah, we could, but what's the point?

I don't know.

Just this new Nick makes me uncomfortable.

Well, I kind of like new Nick.

He's got a job, he dresses nicely,

he's up on current events.

I agree with dad.

Come on. This new Nick is a dream.

He, uh... He speaks in complete sentences.

He walks erect.

He doesn't drool.

He's too good for Mallory.

Hey, Nick.

How's the shoe business going?

Oh, fine.

Let's say I'm just taking it one step at a time.

I got some big news today. I was promoted.

I am out of the stockroom and into sales.

Am I dreaming? Pinch me.

That's great. That's great, Nick.

Congratulations. After only two weeks.

Before I forget, I got a little something for you.

Oh, Nick, you didn't have to bring me these.

That's very nice of you.

Hey, it's okay. They're defective.

Just wear a couple pair of socks with them.

Nick, we'd better get going,

we're gonna be late for the art show.

Uh, Mallory, I think, uh, I would rather

spend some time with your family.

You know, we don't have to go out every night.

We haven't been out any night in two weeks.

Mallory, I am a working man now.

You know, it would be irresponsible for me to go.

I have to be fresh for that shoe store in the morning.

You understand, don't you?

Okay, sure.

Therefore, rubber soles are far more superior

than the traditional leather bottoms.

They're more durable,

they last longer.

You know, and best of all, they don't wear out.

And don't let anybody else try to tell you different.

Don't let anybody else try to tell you different.

What? Right.

Nick, come on. Let's go out.

Let's go to a movie or something.

Uh, Mallory, i-it's getting a little late.

I don't think your parents would approve.

Nick, it's 7:15,

Andrew, Andrew is still up.

You know, speaking of Andrew,

has he started to wear baby shoes yet?

Mr. Keaton, let's talk baby shoes.

No, no, no.

You... You kids go out.

You have a good time. We insist.

Yes, please. Go now.

We'll keep talking about shoes.

I swear.

Uh, that's okay, Mrs. Keaton.

We'll stay here with you.

Oh, great.

Okay, well, I believe you were telling us about rubber soles.

Yes, uh, now, as I was say...

I don't want to stay here, Nick!

We never do anything anymore!

We never go anywhere!

I feel like we haven't really talked in weeks!

Mallory, keep your voice down.

Can't you see these people are trying to sleep?

No, don't.

You're doing all this for my dad to like you.

I don't like you anymore.

Oh, you don't mean that.

I do!

You've got a job you hate,

you've given up your art.

You're not the same person anymore.

You're not Nick.

Hey, I'm Nick.

Look, I'll show you,

I'll do you one of my heys.

Hey.

Hey.

Look, just give it time.

You'll get used to it, Mallory.

I don't want to get used to this, Nick.

Mallory...

Why don't you just go home?

Okay.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

You don't have to pretend you're asleep. Nick's gone.

All right, we weren't sleeping.

Yeah, we all admit it, we were all awake.

How could we sleep when you're so obviously upset?

Moore! Come here.

Oh, yes, Mr. Gleason.

I've told you a thousand times -

push the elite petites, not the slinky sphinx.

I have 600 gross of elite petites back there

and you're pushing the slinky sphinx?

What's wrong with you, Moore?

I thought she looked better in the slinky sphinx.

I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason.

I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason. I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason.

You want to know who's sorry? Mr. Gleason is sorry!

Push the elite petites.

Get busy, Moore.

Yes, Mr. Gleason.

Hey, Mr. Keaton. Good to see you.

Hello, Nick. Hey, guess what.

This is where I work.

Uh, I'm aware of that, Nick. Uh, look, I came down here...

Young man, you were helping me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, no, I want...

Hey, hey! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

I can only handle one person at a time.

Now, this man was in line outside the store

before we opened up this morning.

Okay, but I'm next.

Nick, I came down here to talk to you.

Oh, so, what kind of shoe did you have in mind, sir?

I haven't had a chance to look around.

You'll love the elite petite.

No!

Mr. Moore, no. The elite petite's a woman's shoe.

That's fine with me, just fine.

Oh.

Oh. No, no, no.

No, no. Oh, no, no, no.

Moore, uh, get this gentlemen

a pair of elite petites. Uh, size?

13.

Yes, Mr. Gleason.

We carry stockings, also.

Moore! Can't you do anything right?

Uh, I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason.

I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason. I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason.

You want to know who's sorry?!

Uh...Mr. Gleason?

That's right.

Get busy and clean this up and get back to work!

Uh, yes, Mr. Gleason.

Nick, what are you doing?

Uh, I'm putting these boxes back on the shelf.

No, no. I mean, what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm putting these boxes back on the shelf.

No. No, no, no.

You misunderstood.

What is someone like you

doing in a store like this?

I'm putting these boxes back on the shelf.

Nick, we're at a standstill.

Look, look, what I'm saying is,

I know you took this job just for my sake.

And I know that's why you changed your appearance

and gave up your art.

Oh, no, not at all.

I-I like shoes much more than art.

Moore, get this cleaned up and get back to work!

Right away, Mr. Gleason.

Get busy, Moore, and I mean now!

Look at you, Nick. You're miserable.

Don't do this to yourself.

All right, so I'm miserable.

You know, I'd rather it be that I'm miserable than Mallory.

I mean, she was miserable when I didn't get along with you.

She's miserable now, Nick.

She wants you back the way you were.

Who do you like better, the old me or the new me?

Is there a third choice?

I don't think so.

Look, Nick...

Whatever our problems are,

we can work them out.

Our relationship

has to be based on mutual trust...

And respect.

I love what you tried to do for me, but...

But it was wrong, Nick.

Don't change for me.

I'll get those stockings for you.

It's on me.

Hi, honey.

Hi, mom. Hi, Alex.

See what love can do?

This girl is demolished, and it's all because of Nick.

I would really appreciate

if you would not mention his name.

I don't want to hear the name Nick anymore.

Sure. Sure, Mal.

I understand.

Ooh, this knickknack is nicked.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.

Can you pass me the sports page?

I want to see how the Knicks are doing.

Nick: Mallory!

Hey, Mallory!

Nick?

Nick?

Hey!

Hi!

Oh, no, no.

No, Nick. What did you do?

Hey, Alex.

Oh, Nick, we were doing so well.

Hey, I'm sorry, my little friend, you know,

but the old Nick is back.

You should've seen this guy. He pulled me aside

and told me what I was doing was wrong.

I mean, he was so passionate. It was beautiful.

Oh, that reminds me, Elyse,

I've got some stockings for you.

Why?

I'll explain later.

Hey, uh, thanks, Mr. Keaton.

I mean, you showed me the error of my ways.

I mean, he knew I didn't need a job.

That's not exactly the moral here, Nick.

I know, but, you know, I was just trying to make you think

that I was good enough for your daughter.

And it didn't work.

I mean, I lost her and I gained Alex,

and that's no good.

Well, I'll put on a pot of coffee.

And I just baked a batch of lobster-chip cookies.

Ah.

Hey, uh, look, Mallory, I'm sorry if I hurt you,

But, uh, all I know is I did it for you.

I don't want any other Nick. I just want you.

Hey. Hey.