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♪ I'll bet
We've been together ♪
2
00:00:14,534 --> 00:00:17,431
♪ For a million years ♪
3
00:00:17,466 --> 00:00:19,966
♪ And I'll bet
We'll be together ♪
4
00:00:20,001 --> 00:00:22,997
♪ For a million more ♪
5
00:00:23,032 --> 00:00:25,866
♪ Ooh, it's like
I started breathin' ♪
6
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:28,831
♪ On the night we kissed ♪
7
00:00:28,866 --> 00:00:34,366
♪ And I can't remember
What I ever did before ♪
8
00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:37,165
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
9
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,699
♪ Without us? ♪
10
00:00:39,933 --> 00:00:42,599
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
11
00:00:42,634 --> 00:00:45,230
♪ Without us? ♪
12
00:00:45,265 --> 00:00:47,898
♪ And there ain't
No nothin' ♪
13
00:00:47,933 --> 00:00:49,933
♪ We can't love
Each other through ♪
14
00:00:49,968 --> 00:00:51,197
♪ Ooh-hoo ♪
15
00:00:51,232 --> 00:00:54,100
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
16
00:00:54,135 --> 00:00:57,217
♪ Without us? ♪
17
00:00:57,252 --> 00:01:00,299
♪ Sha-la-la-la ♪
18
00:01:03,999 --> 00:01:06,532
Thanks for dinner, Mrs. Keaton.
Everything was delicious.
19
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:09,165
Yes, my, uh... My wife has
a way with seaweed.
20
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:10,099
Oh.
21
00:01:11,265 --> 00:01:12,715
What's this over here?
22
00:01:12,750 --> 00:01:14,358
That's cooked lawn.
Tsk.
23
00:01:14,393 --> 00:01:15,966
I mow it.
I rake it.
24
00:01:16,001 --> 00:01:17,566
And I cook it.
25
00:01:18,699 --> 00:01:20,766
Come on, Elyse.
Uh, we better get going.
26
00:01:20,801 --> 00:01:23,064
The car dealers close
in an hour.
27
00:01:23,099 --> 00:01:24,733
What kind of car
you thinking of buying?
28
00:01:24,768 --> 00:01:26,332
A sports car.
A station wagon.
29
00:01:27,833 --> 00:01:30,799
Mallory, the whole reason
for buying a new car
30
00:01:30,834 --> 00:01:32,130
is to have more room
for the baby.
31
00:01:32,165 --> 00:01:34,799
What would be the point
of buying a sports car?
32
00:01:34,834 --> 00:01:36,599
I'd look great in one.
33
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,399
Come on, Mallory,
they'd be crazy to let you
34
00:01:42,434 --> 00:01:44,030
drive the new car,
anyway.
35
00:01:44,065 --> 00:01:45,982
I happen to be
a good driver, Alex.
36
00:01:46,017 --> 00:01:48,108
I passed my road test
on the third try,
37
00:01:48,143 --> 00:01:50,199
and I almost passed
on the second try.
38
00:01:52,833 --> 00:01:54,899
And she could have
if the examiner
39
00:01:54,934 --> 00:01:56,966
hadn't been thrown
from the car.
40
00:02:00,833 --> 00:02:03,099
Personally, I don't care
what kind of car we buy,
41
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:05,397
as long as it doesn't have
those fake hangings
42
00:02:05,413 --> 00:02:07,550
from the rear of new mirror.
43
00:02:07,573 --> 00:02:09,194
What are you guys
gonna do tonight?
44
00:02:09,221 --> 00:02:10,610
Well, Alex and I
are gonna interview
45
00:02:10,647 --> 00:02:12,297
some students
for our new business,
46
00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:14,482
the Jarrett and Keaton
Tutorial Service.
47
00:02:14,517 --> 00:02:16,597
That's right...
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
48
00:02:16,632 --> 00:02:20,299
You mean, the, uh, Keaton
and Jarrett Tutorial Service.
49
00:02:21,899 --> 00:02:24,449
Keaton and Associates.
50
00:02:24,484 --> 00:02:26,965
Why not just Keaton?
51
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:28,566
All right. Okay.
Have it your way.
52
00:02:30,265 --> 00:02:33,232
Who would come to you guys
to be tutored anyway?
53
00:02:33,267 --> 00:02:36,200
We could get rich
off your friends alone, Mal.
54
00:02:39,265 --> 00:02:40,331
Well, I think it's nice
55
00:02:40,366 --> 00:02:42,566
to see you guys cooperating
for a change.
56
00:02:42,601 --> 00:02:44,432
Well, what does that mean, Mom?
57
00:02:44,467 --> 00:02:45,532
Oh, come on.
58
00:02:45,567 --> 00:02:48,166
You two are the most
competitive guys I know.
59
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:50,766
Us? Compete? What do we
ever compete over?
60
00:02:58,299 --> 00:03:00,299
Okay, Elyse,
you ready to go?
61
00:03:00,334 --> 00:03:01,664
Yeah, I'm all set.
62
00:03:01,699 --> 00:03:04,100
Uh, Jen, you'll look after
the, uh... The baby?
63
00:03:04,135 --> 00:03:07,532
I think Alex will be okay
on his own, Mom.
64
00:03:09,933 --> 00:03:11,866
Oh, you mean,
the other baby.
65
00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:13,283
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll stay.
66
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,631
We'll see you later.
67
00:03:14,666 --> 00:03:16,899
Yeah, hopefully,
in a Maserati.
68
00:03:16,934 --> 00:03:17,864
Bye-bye.
69
00:03:17,899 --> 00:03:19,364
Good night.
70
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:20,899
Okay, let's get this place
cleaned up.
71
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,565
We are professional tutors now.
72
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:26,016
We gotta make a good impression
on our tutees.
73
00:03:26,051 --> 00:03:29,432
We are gonna have
a very successful business,
74
00:03:29,467 --> 00:03:31,467
and we're gonna be
providing a service
75
00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,567
for the college community.
76
00:03:33,602 --> 00:03:35,632
And we're gonna be rich!
77
00:03:35,667 --> 00:03:36,664
Right.
78
00:03:36,699 --> 00:03:38,065
And we're gonna
split everything
79
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:40,467
down the middle: 54, 46.
80
00:03:42,232 --> 00:03:44,432
Keaton, I recognize
that look in your eye.
81
00:03:44,467 --> 00:03:45,997
What look?
82
00:03:46,032 --> 00:03:47,297
That competitive look,
83
00:03:47,332 --> 00:03:49,332
like when we were teammates
in that bicycle race
84
00:03:49,367 --> 00:03:51,000
and you kept trying
to ride away from me
85
00:03:51,035 --> 00:03:52,331
off in your own direction.
86
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:55,332
Come on, Jarrett,
I saw a shortcut.
87
00:03:55,367 --> 00:03:57,899
We were on a tandem bike.
88
00:04:01,065 --> 00:04:04,099
And so basically, what we offer
is a biweekly tutorial
89
00:04:04,134 --> 00:04:05,766
on those subjects
you're not performing
90
00:04:05,801 --> 00:04:07,397
up to your top standards in.
91
00:04:07,432 --> 00:04:08,867
That's great,
but what I really need
92
00:04:08,902 --> 00:04:11,232
help in
is my schoolwork.
93
00:04:14,666 --> 00:04:17,567
Well, that's what
"tutorial" means, William.
94
00:04:17,602 --> 00:04:19,698
Oh.
95
00:04:19,733 --> 00:04:21,933
Okay, well, I'll see you guys
Tuesday, then, huh?
96
00:04:21,968 --> 00:04:23,798
Hey, by the way,
where do I go?
97
00:04:23,833 --> 00:04:26,934
Uh, well, the tutorial
will take place here, William.
98
00:04:26,969 --> 00:04:28,766
I mean,
where do I go now?
99
00:04:30,999 --> 00:04:33,265
Go home.
100
00:04:34,866 --> 00:04:36,400
Go home.
101
00:04:37,733 --> 00:04:39,332
See you Tuesday, William.
102
00:04:39,367 --> 00:04:40,833
Whoo! Okay.
103
00:04:42,099 --> 00:04:43,364
Hey, we did it!
104
00:04:43,399 --> 00:04:45,934
We bought the Wagonmaster.
We pick it up next week.
105
00:04:45,969 --> 00:04:47,331
Whoa! Congratulations.
106
00:04:47,366 --> 00:04:49,682
Yeah, it's...
It's economical,
107
00:04:49,717 --> 00:04:51,964
it's well-built,
it's roomy...
108
00:04:51,999 --> 00:04:55,600
It's ugly. It looks like
a refrigerator on wheels.
109
00:04:55,635 --> 00:04:59,232
I wanted to get
the Panther 4000 Turbo XK.
110
00:04:59,267 --> 00:05:01,899
It does zero to 100
in two seconds.
111
00:05:03,900 --> 00:05:05,831
Mallory, I don't like
buying a car
112
00:05:05,866 --> 00:05:09,464
that requires a parachute
to slow down.
113
00:05:09,499 --> 00:05:12,399
I heard the Wagonmaster's
a real nice car, Mr. Keaton.
114
00:05:12,434 --> 00:05:13,965
Oh, it is a beauty, James.
115
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,799
The salesman says
it seats eight comfortably
116
00:05:16,834 --> 00:05:20,064
and, uh, ten uncomfortably.
117
00:05:20,099 --> 00:05:22,767
I'm gonna go check on Andy.
It's time for his bath.
118
00:05:22,802 --> 00:05:24,767
Oh, I'll come with you,
Elyse. I, heh...
119
00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:26,733
I want to show him
these dice. Heh-heh.
120
00:05:29,899 --> 00:05:31,665
Okay. So who's next?
121
00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:34,064
Uh, just one more.
Uh, Robin Green.
122
00:05:34,099 --> 00:05:36,799
I spoke to her on the phone.
She sounded pretty dull.
123
00:05:36,834 --> 00:05:39,499
Hey, if we can tutor William,
we can tutor anyone.
124
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:54,799
Hi. I'm, uh...
I'm Alex Keaton.
125
00:05:54,834 --> 00:05:57,499
Robin Green.
Nice to meet you.
126
00:05:57,534 --> 00:05:59,233
Nice to meet you.
127
00:06:00,967 --> 00:06:04,265
Uh, this is my partner, uh,
uh, James Jarrett.
128
00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:05,499
Hi.
129
00:06:07,599 --> 00:06:08,967
Uh, come in,
come in, come in.
130
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,098
Thank you.
131
00:06:10,133 --> 00:06:11,666
Would you like something
to drink?
132
00:06:11,701 --> 00:06:13,064
No, thanks.
133
00:06:13,099 --> 00:06:14,766
Can I take your coat?
134
00:06:14,801 --> 00:06:16,431
All right.
135
00:06:16,466 --> 00:06:19,033
Uh, please, sit down.
Have a seat. Have a seat.
136
00:06:22,933 --> 00:06:24,733
This is
a beautiful coat.
137
00:06:26,099 --> 00:06:27,033
Thank you.
138
00:06:34,699 --> 00:06:36,934
Am I in the right house
for the tutoring?
139
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,831
Well, uh, William,
140
00:06:40,866 --> 00:06:43,799
that just about wraps up
today's session.
141
00:06:43,834 --> 00:06:45,265
How am I doing so far?
142
00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:46,765
Not bad.
143
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,099
You'll do
even better next time
144
00:06:48,134 --> 00:06:50,466
if you bring your books.
145
00:06:50,501 --> 00:06:52,799
Bring books!
Bring books!
146
00:06:56,767 --> 00:07:00,099
Okay, uh, we'll see you
Thursday. Right, William?
147
00:07:00,134 --> 00:07:01,698
Okay.
Okay, now, remember,
148
00:07:01,733 --> 00:07:04,749
that's this Thursday,
the 31st.
149
00:07:04,784 --> 00:07:07,766
Thirty days has Thursday,
April...
150
00:07:10,666 --> 00:07:14,266
It's a good thing we don't offer
a money-back guarantee.
151
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:17,265
Okay, who's next
on the schedule tonight?
152
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:18,731
Uh... gee.
153
00:07:18,766 --> 00:07:20,197
Uh, who's next?
154
00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:23,399
Uh, Eddie Fenton canceled,
155
00:07:23,434 --> 00:07:26,566
so it's just, uh...
Robin.
156
00:07:26,601 --> 00:07:28,564
Robin.
157
00:07:28,599 --> 00:07:30,449
Yeah. Robin.
158
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,300
Right! Robin!
159
00:07:35,265 --> 00:07:37,232
Alex, let's be honest
with each other.
160
00:07:37,267 --> 00:07:38,431
I think it's safe to say
161
00:07:38,466 --> 00:07:41,066
that Robin is a girl that
one might consider to be...
162
00:07:41,101 --> 00:07:42,200
attractive.
163
00:07:43,066 --> 00:07:44,299
Really?
164
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:46,898
Yeah, okay,
now that you mention it,
165
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:50,433
I... I can see how one might
find her attractive...
166
00:07:50,468 --> 00:07:52,332
Sensuous...
167
00:07:52,367 --> 00:07:53,833
Incredibly erotic.
168
00:07:55,799 --> 00:07:58,866
Though, personally,
I hadn't noticed.
169
00:07:58,901 --> 00:08:00,165
I hadn't either,
170
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,983
but, you know, if two guys
are trying to run a business
171
00:08:03,018 --> 00:08:05,766
and they were to compete over
something like, say, a girl...
172
00:08:05,801 --> 00:08:07,132
Oh, pfft!
173
00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:12,164
It could destroy
174
00:08:12,199 --> 00:08:14,331
the whole foundation
of their partnership.
175
00:08:14,366 --> 00:08:17,532
Of course it could, so, uh...
So they shouldn't compete.
176
00:08:17,567 --> 00:08:18,934
Right. So let's not.
177
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:23,399
Right. Let's, uh...
Let's remain cool.
178
00:08:23,434 --> 00:08:25,000
Detached.
179
00:08:25,035 --> 00:08:26,531
Professional.
180
00:08:26,566 --> 00:08:28,100
Professional.
Right.
181
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,834
Professional.
182
00:08:37,869 --> 00:08:39,000
Right.
183
00:08:40,599 --> 00:08:41,898
Hello.
184
00:08:41,933 --> 00:08:44,199
Robin! Gee, I had
completely forgotten
185
00:08:44,234 --> 00:08:46,333
it was your night tonight.
186
00:08:46,368 --> 00:08:47,565
Enter. Enter.
187
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,399
Well, I brought my economics
and my poetry books.
188
00:08:50,434 --> 00:08:51,966
Who's gonna tutor me first?
189
00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:53,631
I am.
190
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:55,399
Well, it doesn't matter to me.
191
00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:57,098
All I know is that when I study,
192
00:08:57,133 --> 00:08:58,999
whatever I do last stays
with me best.
193
00:08:59,034 --> 00:09:01,265
Then, uh... Then do poetry first.
194
00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:03,297
Do poetry, take your time.
195
00:09:03,332 --> 00:09:06,867
I'll be, uh, back in,
what, roughly 40 minutes.
196
00:09:11,299 --> 00:09:12,999
James, that is really funny.
197
00:09:13,034 --> 00:09:14,665
See, I bet you never thought
198
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:17,265
that Aleksandr Pushkin
was such an amusing poet.
199
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:19,232
Ooh, but I always
suspected it.
200
00:09:28,165 --> 00:09:30,197
Forty minutes.
Time's up.
201
00:09:30,232 --> 00:09:32,834
Alex, that could not
have been 40 minutes.
202
00:09:32,869 --> 00:09:35,098
You guys run
a tight ship here.
203
00:09:35,133 --> 00:09:37,265
Evidently, though we seem
to be a little lacking
204
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:38,749
in professional courtesy.
205
00:09:38,784 --> 00:09:40,225
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey.
206
00:09:40,260 --> 00:09:41,632
I'm professional, buddy.
207
00:09:41,667 --> 00:09:43,400
I don't giggle
when I tutor.
208
00:09:48,232 --> 00:09:50,567
You know,
James is really wonderful.
209
00:09:50,602 --> 00:09:52,265
He is?
210
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,399
He is one of the brightest
and most interesting people
211
00:09:54,434 --> 00:09:56,132
I've met
since I've been at Leland.
212
00:09:56,167 --> 00:09:58,397
Yeah, well, uh... Yeah.
213
00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:03,300
He does make
a good first impression,
214
00:10:03,335 --> 00:10:05,617
in a superficial
sort of way.
215
00:10:05,652 --> 00:10:07,842
Although I-I think
you'll find
216
00:10:07,877 --> 00:10:10,033
that I'm pretty bright
and amusing
217
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,432
in my own right,
218
00:10:12,467 --> 00:10:13,733
only with more depth.
219
00:10:15,799 --> 00:10:17,232
I'm sure I will.
220
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:22,232
Uh, uh, Robin,
221
00:10:22,267 --> 00:10:23,831
uh...
222
00:10:23,866 --> 00:10:26,999
would you like to go out
with me tomorrow night?
223
00:10:28,266 --> 00:10:31,033
That's really nice
of you to ask, Alex,
224
00:10:31,068 --> 00:10:32,364
but James already invited me
225
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,566
to a poetry reading
tomorrow night.
226
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:37,233
I can't believe him!
227
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,597
Great! Great.
228
00:10:43,632 --> 00:10:46,266
Excuse me. Alex, can I use
the phone in the other room?
229
00:10:46,301 --> 00:10:47,667
Sure. Go... Go ahead.
230
00:10:53,799 --> 00:10:54,999
Forgot a book.
231
00:10:57,266 --> 00:10:58,498
How could you?
232
00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:01,064
I just forgot it,
that's all.
233
00:11:01,099 --> 00:11:03,632
Nah, nah, nah.
You forgot more than a book.
234
00:11:03,667 --> 00:11:06,166
You forgot our agreement.
You asked her out!
235
00:11:06,201 --> 00:11:07,100
And so did you!
236
00:11:08,933 --> 00:11:10,130
How did you know?
237
00:11:10,165 --> 00:11:11,733
I was listening at the door.
238
00:11:11,768 --> 00:11:14,767
Oh. How dare you.
239
00:11:17,667 --> 00:11:19,699
That's it, Jarrett.
That's it.
240
00:11:19,734 --> 00:11:21,833
Our partnership is over.
241
00:11:21,868 --> 00:11:23,500
Suits me just fine.
242
00:11:31,466 --> 00:11:32,998
Ah...
243
00:11:33,033 --> 00:11:35,266
It was an ant.
244
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:45,467
"And make certain
to unfasten your seat belt
245
00:11:45,502 --> 00:11:48,432
before getting out
of the car. "
246
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,266
Dad, how much longer
do we have to do this?
247
00:11:53,301 --> 00:11:56,667
There's only one more
section to go.
248
00:11:56,702 --> 00:12:00,033
Ah. "Your trunk
and welcome to it. "
249
00:12:00,068 --> 00:12:01,867
Oh, Steven! Dad! Dad!
250
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,566
That's it. I cannot
handle it anymore.
251
00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:07,364
Now, where are you going?
252
00:12:07,399 --> 00:12:11,066
Thought I'd drive the new car
over to Chrissie's house.
253
00:12:11,101 --> 00:12:12,500
Oh, she's kidding.
254
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,432
It's Mrs. Olbeck!
255
00:12:20,467 --> 00:12:23,265
She got
the new Panther Turbo.
256
00:12:25,199 --> 00:12:28,298
I can't believe it.
257
00:12:28,333 --> 00:12:30,699
I specifically set aside
this time
258
00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:33,065
to play with the baby,
and he's asleep.
259
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,483
Hey, Mom, I love that kid,
260
00:12:35,518 --> 00:12:37,832
but he's inconsiderate.
261
00:12:37,867 --> 00:12:39,567
Alex, you've been
in a bad mood all day.
262
00:12:39,602 --> 00:12:41,100
What's your problem?
263
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,599
It's you, Mallory.
264
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:48,734
Nah, I'm sorry.
It's not you.
265
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,433
It was just a reflex.
266
00:12:50,468 --> 00:12:52,350
It's James.
267
00:12:52,385 --> 00:12:54,197
What happened?
268
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:56,533
Oh, Dad, you're not gonna
believe this when you hear it.
269
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:57,799
I mean,
are you ready for this?
270
00:12:57,834 --> 00:13:00,966
He invited Robin Green
to a poetry reading.
271
00:13:02,332 --> 00:13:04,967
And he always seemed
so nice.
272
00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:11,165
No, no, Dad,
you don't understand.
273
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,165
You see, she's one
of our tutees.
274
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:14,800
Who's your other T?
275
00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:22,399
Ah...
276
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:24,300
Anyway...
277
00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:29,899
You see, James and I are both
attracted to this girl.
278
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:32,366
So we made
a gentleman's agreement
279
00:13:32,401 --> 00:13:33,867
not to ask her out.
280
00:13:33,902 --> 00:13:35,899
Why?
281
00:13:35,934 --> 00:13:38,566
It's obvious, Elyse,
without such a contract,
282
00:13:38,601 --> 00:13:39,864
they might compete for her
283
00:13:39,899 --> 00:13:42,233
and destroy their friendship
in the process.
284
00:13:42,268 --> 00:13:43,332
That's ridiculous.
285
00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:45,298
They should be stronger
than that.
286
00:13:45,333 --> 00:13:48,666
Well, Elyse, the male ego
is a very fragile thing.
287
00:13:48,701 --> 00:13:50,599
Oh, that's stupid.
288
00:13:58,632 --> 00:14:00,099
I'm hurt.
289
00:14:03,934 --> 00:14:05,966
Alex, I'm surprised that James
would do such a thing.
290
00:14:06,001 --> 00:14:07,597
Yeah, me too,
but he did.
291
00:14:07,632 --> 00:14:10,567
Well, now, how did you
find out about this?
292
00:14:10,602 --> 00:14:12,967
Well, because, uh,
she told me...
293
00:14:13,002 --> 00:14:15,332
when I asked her out
for tonight.
294
00:14:16,766 --> 00:14:18,030
Well, if you
asked her out,
295
00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:20,433
then you are just
as guilty as James.
296
00:14:20,468 --> 00:14:21,965
No, no. That's not true, Mom.
297
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,399
You see, I only asked her out
because I suspected
298
00:14:24,434 --> 00:14:27,833
that James had asked her out,
which he had.
299
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:31,198
I- it was entirely
a defensive move on my part.
300
00:14:31,233 --> 00:14:33,966
And had we gone out, it...
It would have been purely a...
301
00:14:34,001 --> 00:14:36,833
A preemptive
tactical date.
302
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,467
How romantic.
303
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:45,299
Hey, hey, no way! I'm tired.
I don't wanna play now.
304
00:14:45,334 --> 00:14:46,264
Coming, Andy.
305
00:14:46,299 --> 00:14:48,333
Wait. Mom, Mom. Dad.
306
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:52,997
Mallory, uh, Mallory,
listen.
307
00:14:53,032 --> 00:14:54,766
You gotta help me out
with something.
308
00:14:54,801 --> 00:14:57,000
You're, uh, sort of a girl.
309
00:14:58,567 --> 00:15:01,400
James and I are both
attracted to the same girl.
310
00:15:01,435 --> 00:15:02,531
Now, what would you do
311
00:15:02,566 --> 00:15:05,133
if you had two good-looking,
intelligent guys
312
00:15:05,168 --> 00:15:06,365
interested in you?
313
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,367
What's that got to do
with you and James?
314
00:15:12,199 --> 00:15:13,366
Come on, Mallory.
315
00:15:13,401 --> 00:15:14,565
All right.
316
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,467
Look, if a guy
was interested in me,
317
00:15:16,502 --> 00:15:18,300
I'd wanna know about it.
318
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,765
Really?
319
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,867
Look, all you can do
is express how you feel.
320
00:15:21,902 --> 00:15:23,934
And if you and Robin
are meant to be together,
321
00:15:23,969 --> 00:15:25,567
it'll happen naturally.
322
00:15:25,602 --> 00:15:27,266
Just be yourself.
323
00:15:28,467 --> 00:15:30,364
Okay.
324
00:15:30,399 --> 00:15:32,667
See, that's a...
That's a very sensitive,
325
00:15:32,702 --> 00:15:34,734
perceptive point, Mallory.
326
00:15:34,769 --> 00:15:36,899
Thanks.
327
00:15:36,934 --> 00:15:38,966
I read it
in Cosmopolitan.
328
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,533
Well, well!
Robin, James.
329
00:15:46,568 --> 00:15:47,865
What a surprise.
330
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:49,030
Hi, Alex.
It's good to see you.
331
00:15:49,065 --> 00:15:51,700
Yeah, well, I never miss
a poetry reading.
332
00:15:51,735 --> 00:15:53,133
I have season tickets.
333
00:15:55,033 --> 00:15:56,533
May I have
your attention, please.
334
00:15:56,568 --> 00:15:57,850
This evening,
the poetry club
335
00:15:57,885 --> 00:15:59,097
is pleased
to have with us
336
00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:01,100
the Horace Newton
award-winner for poetry,
337
00:16:01,135 --> 00:16:02,432
Zane Axelrod.
338
00:16:02,467 --> 00:16:04,265
Mr. Axelrod
is one of the best,
339
00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:07,132
the most incomprehensible poets
of his generation.
340
00:16:08,299 --> 00:16:10,432
Where are the chairs?
341
00:16:10,467 --> 00:16:12,667
Just sit
on the floor, Alex.
342
00:16:12,702 --> 00:16:14,166
Right. The floor.
343
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:16,899
Bohemians.
344
00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:22,667
Mr. Axelrod.
345
00:16:36,866 --> 00:16:40,533
"The Nuclear Holocaust and You,"
a Christmas poem.
346
00:16:45,399 --> 00:16:48,800
Intercontinental ballistic
347
00:16:48,835 --> 00:16:50,800
missiles,
348
00:16:52,767 --> 00:16:56,233
assembled in the silos
of our soul,
349
00:16:56,268 --> 00:16:59,165
multiple warheads.
350
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:03,099
The fragments
of our unfulfillment.
351
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:09,800
Boom! Boom! Boom!
352
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,398
Bomb shelters...
353
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:16,734
Whatever happened
to "Hickory Dickory Dock"?
354
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,500
Shh!
355
00:17:19,767 --> 00:17:20,932
This is art, Alex,
356
00:17:20,967 --> 00:17:23,199
something you obviously
know nothing about.
357
00:17:23,234 --> 00:17:25,367
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
Don't, uh...
358
00:17:25,402 --> 00:17:26,667
Don't...
359
00:17:28,667 --> 00:17:30,698
Don't pretend
to be Mr. Culture.
360
00:17:30,733 --> 00:17:33,266
You're only here for one reason,
and you know it.
361
00:17:33,301 --> 00:17:37,500
Born pure
and tarnished by distrust,
362
00:17:37,535 --> 00:17:39,465
or...
363
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:44,133
born tarnished,
searching for a shine?
364
00:17:49,466 --> 00:17:54,133
Boom. Boom. Sha-boom.
365
00:17:57,633 --> 00:17:59,516
I can't believe
you'd be so low
366
00:17:59,551 --> 00:18:01,365
as to just barge in
on my date.
367
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:05,333
Ah! A date! A date.
So you admit it's a date.
368
00:18:05,368 --> 00:18:07,065
I admit nothing.
369
00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:08,366
Why don't you
get lost, Keaton.
370
00:18:08,401 --> 00:18:09,632
Oh, yeah?
Who's gonna make me?
371
00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:10,966
I am!
372
00:18:11,001 --> 00:18:12,266
No, I am.
373
00:18:13,934 --> 00:18:15,932
Hey, this is
a private discussion,
374
00:18:15,967 --> 00:18:19,266
so, uh, you want to just stick
to your stupid poetry?
375
00:18:19,301 --> 00:18:21,932
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm rubber
and you're glue.
376
00:18:21,967 --> 00:18:24,633
Whatever you say bounces off me
and sticks to you.
377
00:18:27,999 --> 00:18:30,066
This guy's good.
378
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,598
What is it with you two?
379
00:18:35,633 --> 00:18:38,131
A few weeks ago,
you seemed so mature.
380
00:18:38,166 --> 00:18:40,433
And now you've turned into
a couple of third graders.
381
00:18:40,468 --> 00:18:43,365
He did first!
Oh, did not!
382
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,016
Look, Robin, we both
obviously like you a lot,
383
00:18:46,051 --> 00:18:48,598
and I think the ball
is in your court now.
384
00:18:48,633 --> 00:18:51,266
Look, Robin, you can settle
this whole thing right now
385
00:18:51,301 --> 00:18:53,633
by just saying which one of us
you like better.
386
00:18:53,668 --> 00:18:56,030
I never had the chance
to find out!
387
00:18:56,065 --> 00:18:58,066
I hardly know either of you,
and... And all of a sudden
388
00:18:58,101 --> 00:19:00,800
I'm in the middle
of some kind of tug of war.
389
00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:03,033
I don't enjoy being
the object
390
00:19:03,068 --> 00:19:05,267
of some
adolescent competition,
391
00:19:05,302 --> 00:19:07,267
and until the two of you
grow up,
392
00:19:07,302 --> 00:19:09,233
I don't want to spend
any more time
393
00:19:09,268 --> 00:19:10,734
with either of you.
394
00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:18,733
I still haven't got
the baby seat in.
395
00:19:18,768 --> 00:19:20,532
I wanna swing by
the hardware store
396
00:19:20,567 --> 00:19:22,466
and get an acetylene torch
and a power wrench.
397
00:19:22,501 --> 00:19:24,200
I have to take out
the back seat.
398
00:19:24,235 --> 00:19:26,432
Steven,
that's ridiculous.
399
00:19:26,467 --> 00:19:27,834
Bet we wouldn't have
this problem
400
00:19:27,869 --> 00:19:30,067
with the Maserati.
401
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:32,230
Hey, everybody.
402
00:19:32,265 --> 00:19:33,715
Hey, Alex,
I'm glad you're here.
403
00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:35,475
We need the Volvo
to go shopping.
404
00:19:35,510 --> 00:19:37,200
Oh, Dad, uh,
still hasn't figured out
405
00:19:37,235 --> 00:19:39,000
the new car yet, huh?
406
00:19:39,035 --> 00:19:40,065
You got it.
407
00:19:40,100 --> 00:19:41,431
All set, let's go.
408
00:19:41,466 --> 00:19:43,616
Oh, Alex, he, uh...
Andrew needs to be changed.
409
00:19:43,651 --> 00:19:45,732
All right. Wa... No!
Mom, Mom, wait a minute.
410
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:48,900
Don't do this to me, Mom!
I've only had one lesson, Mom...
411
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:53,899
All right. Okay.
412
00:19:53,934 --> 00:19:57,066
Andy, it's just
you and me.
413
00:19:57,101 --> 00:19:58,266
Bear with me.
414
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,999
Okay. I know
this seems like
415
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,165
a great deal to you,
but, uh...
416
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,066
you know, you're gonna have
to give it up sooner or later.
417
00:20:08,266 --> 00:20:09,299
Yeah, hold on.
418
00:20:10,767 --> 00:20:13,834
Just... try and stay
in that position.
419
00:20:20,934 --> 00:20:24,632
Oh, it's you.
What do you want?
420
00:20:24,667 --> 00:20:27,999
I just came by to pick up
some of my books.
421
00:20:28,034 --> 00:20:29,300
Well, come in
and get 'em.
422
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:35,767
What are you doing?
423
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,333
I'm gardening.
424
00:20:43,967 --> 00:20:45,266
What does it look like
I'm doing?
425
00:20:45,301 --> 00:20:47,334
I'm changing Andrew.
426
00:20:47,369 --> 00:20:49,332
Oh. Need any help?
427
00:20:49,367 --> 00:20:51,150
No, I don't need any help.
428
00:20:51,185 --> 00:20:53,225
I am perfectly capable...
429
00:20:53,260 --> 00:20:55,266
Could you, uh,
hold this leg
430
00:20:55,301 --> 00:20:57,767
and, uh, grab a diaper?
431
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,332
How could you bust up
my date like that?
432
00:21:02,367 --> 00:21:04,833
Aw, hey! You shouldn't have been
on that date in the first place.
433
00:21:04,868 --> 00:21:06,098
Gimme the powder.
434
00:21:06,133 --> 00:21:07,633
Here's the powder,
and you shouldn't
435
00:21:07,668 --> 00:21:09,117
have asked her out either.
436
00:21:09,152 --> 00:21:10,532
Hey, I only asked her out
437
00:21:10,567 --> 00:21:13,700
because I knew you were gonna
ask her out, which you did.
438
00:21:16,433 --> 00:21:17,699
Pins.
439
00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:19,934
And I only asked her out because
I knew you were going to.
440
00:21:19,969 --> 00:21:22,665
And you did.
Here are the pins.
441
00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:25,633
Yeah, well, uh, thanks to you,
I made a fool of myself.
442
00:21:25,668 --> 00:21:27,633
I made a fool
out of myself too.
443
00:21:29,367 --> 00:21:31,283
Okay, uh...
444
00:21:31,318 --> 00:21:33,199
all done here.
445
00:21:33,934 --> 00:21:36,100
There you go.
446
00:21:40,567 --> 00:21:42,667
That doesn't look right.
447
00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:44,767
No, let's try again.
448
00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:49,333
You know, Alex, when I left
the poetry reading,
449
00:21:49,368 --> 00:21:51,450
I took a walk
down Foxwood Road
450
00:21:51,485 --> 00:21:53,498
past the Little League
field.
451
00:21:53,533 --> 00:21:55,633
Remember that team
we used to play on?
452
00:21:55,668 --> 00:21:57,767
Wilson's House
of Fine Lingerie?
453
00:22:00,266 --> 00:22:02,800
We had the nicest uniforms
in the league.
454
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,467
Lace cuffs.
455
00:22:07,066 --> 00:22:08,633
See-through jerseys.
456
00:22:11,300 --> 00:22:12,466
When I was standing there,
457
00:22:12,501 --> 00:22:13,750
I thought of all the stuff
458
00:22:13,785 --> 00:22:14,965
we've been through together:
459
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,367
all the Cub Scout meetings,
the camping trips,
460
00:22:18,402 --> 00:22:20,867
the low-interest loans
you've given me.
461
00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:23,967
We're supposed
to be friends, Alex.
462
00:22:24,002 --> 00:22:25,665
Why are we
always competing?
463
00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:30,066
Competition is the backbone
of our relationship, James.
464
00:22:30,101 --> 00:22:34,000
I mean, we just push each other
to do better.
465
00:22:35,734 --> 00:22:37,699
Whoa, okay.
Moment of truth.
466
00:22:37,734 --> 00:22:39,433
You want to put your finger
right there?
467
00:22:39,468 --> 00:22:42,867
Here?
Yeah. Right. And... got it.
468
00:22:42,902 --> 00:22:45,266
Oh... Okay.
All right.
469
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:51,033
Okay. There you go.
All right!
470
00:22:51,068 --> 00:22:51,967
Mwah.
471
00:22:53,533 --> 00:22:54,667
There you go.
472
00:22:56,133 --> 00:22:57,598
Well, we're still
a great team.
473
00:22:57,633 --> 00:22:59,949
Yeah, you know, this could be
our new business:
474
00:22:59,984 --> 00:23:02,266
uh, Keaton and Jarrett,
Tutoring and Diapering.
475
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,333
No, you mean,
Jarrett and Keaton,
476
00:23:05,368 --> 00:23:06,765
Diapering and Tutoring.
477
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,867
No, that's not
what I said. I said...
478
00:23:09,902 --> 00:23:12,532
That's what I meant
to say.
479
00:23:12,567 --> 00:23:14,266
And I meant to say
what you said.
480
00:23:15,367 --> 00:23:16,967
It's gonna be
a great business.
481
00:23:17,002 --> 00:23:18,567
"We'll keep
your grades high... "
482
00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:21,500
"And your babies dry. "
31677
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