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♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪
2
00:00:17,910 --> 00:00:23,150
♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪
3
00:00:23,180 --> 00:00:26,080
♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪
4
00:00:26,110 --> 00:00:28,880
♪ on the night we kissed
5
00:00:28,910 --> 00:00:34,110
♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪
6
00:00:34,150 --> 00:00:37,080
♪ what would we do, baby
7
00:00:37,110 --> 00:00:39,850
♪ without us?
8
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,480
♪ what would we do, baby
9
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:45,110
♪ without us?
10
00:00:45,150 --> 00:00:47,750
♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪
11
00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:49,550
♪ we can't love
each other through ♪
12
00:00:49,580 --> 00:00:51,010
♪ ooh-hoo
13
00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:54,110
♪ what would we do, baby
14
00:00:54,150 --> 00:00:56,750
♪ without us?
15
00:00:56,780 --> 00:01:00,280
♪ sha-la-la-la
16
00:01:04,180 --> 00:01:05,780
This is ridiculous.
17
00:01:05,810 --> 00:01:08,010
Where do they come
up with this stuff?
18
00:01:08,050 --> 00:01:09,850
What's the matter, Alex?
19
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:13,150
All freshmen are required
to take a Humanities course.
20
00:01:13,180 --> 00:01:14,910
What's so bad about that?
21
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,680
Well, the...
The choices are absurd.
22
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:19,430
I mean, listen to this one.
Humanities 1:
23
00:01:19,470 --> 00:01:22,010
Man, Society, Civilization,
the Universe.
24
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,550
How am I supposed
to relate to this stuff?
25
00:01:24,580 --> 00:01:26,780
Just don't talk in class
26
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:29,410
and they'll think
you're one of them.
27
00:01:29,450 --> 00:01:33,450
Jennifer, I'm in college to
learn about money, not people.
28
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,180
Alex, there's more to life
than getting rich.
29
00:01:36,220 --> 00:01:40,650
Jennifer, people who have money
don't need people.
30
00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:44,420
Oh, hey, hey.
31
00:01:44,450 --> 00:01:45,620
Hey, Mallory, uh,
32
00:01:45,650 --> 00:01:48,020
could you possibly
turn that up a little?
33
00:01:48,050 --> 00:01:50,380
I can still hear
planes passing overhead.
34
00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:51,650
Sure.
35
00:01:53,550 --> 00:01:54,880
Hey, Mallory, look,
36
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:56,520
help me out, will you?
37
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:59,320
Hey. I'm trying to go over
my college courses here.
38
00:01:59,350 --> 00:02:00,780
You know, college?
39
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:03,420
You might drive
past one some day.
40
00:02:04,450 --> 00:02:05,580
Stuff it, Alex.
41
00:02:13,490 --> 00:02:14,680
Hey!
42
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,820
Alex!
Alex!
43
00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:20,680
That's the best
that's ever sounded.
44
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:23,420
You've ruined my...
You're gonna pay for that.
45
00:02:23,450 --> 00:02:26,120
Ah, another day begins
here at Happy Acres.
46
00:02:27,820 --> 00:02:31,020
Ah, ah, ah. I haven't
even had my breakfast yet.
47
00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:33,120
I don't wanna know.
48
00:02:38,390 --> 00:02:39,690
I'm beginning
to get curious.
49
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:40,750
He put...
50
00:02:42,450 --> 00:02:44,590
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
51
00:02:44,620 --> 00:02:45,750
All right.
Okay, Dad.
52
00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:47,890
Mallory's music
was driving me crazy,
53
00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:49,320
and I overreacted.
54
00:02:49,350 --> 00:02:51,590
I'm a little tense
this morning.
55
00:02:51,620 --> 00:02:53,390
Alex is just
in a bad mood
56
00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:56,290
'cause they want him
to be a human at college.
57
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:58,910
Jennifer, they don't
want me to be a human.
58
00:02:58,940 --> 00:03:01,490
They want me to take
a Humanities course.
59
00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,150
Well, that doesn't
sound so bad.
60
00:03:03,190 --> 00:03:05,690
I don't know. Dad, maybe you
can help me out with this.
61
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,190
You, uh, have a commitment
to social change,
62
00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:10,650
a love
for the humanities.
63
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:13,160
Oh, look. Some of these courses
look pretty interesting, Alex.
64
00:03:13,190 --> 00:03:14,150
Uh, why not sign up
65
00:03:14,190 --> 00:03:15,890
for Introduction
to Abnormal Behavior?
66
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:18,890
You could skip
the introduction.
67
00:03:18,930 --> 00:03:21,860
Hey, what about
Psychology 3:
68
00:03:21,890 --> 00:03:23,550
I'm Okay, You're Okay?
69
00:03:23,590 --> 00:03:27,090
First of all,
you're not okay.
70
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:29,260
And second of all,
this is not a college course,
71
00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:31,760
it's a Phil Donahue show.
72
00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:34,160
Well, okay. Look, how about, uh,
Sociology of the Family,
73
00:03:34,190 --> 00:03:35,890
or, uh, the Hotline?
74
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:37,610
Hey, look:
Marriage and the Family.
75
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,260
Wait. No, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
76
00:03:39,290 --> 00:03:41,720
Dad, uh, Hotline. What...?
What's that, Hotline?
77
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,160
Uh, "The Hotline,
a phone-in counseling center
78
00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:45,690
"where students
earn credits
79
00:03:45,730 --> 00:03:48,860
"by handling callers'
problems two nights a week.
80
00:03:48,890 --> 00:03:50,840
Satisfies Humanities
requirement. "
81
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,760
Yeah. You know,
this could be perfect.
82
00:03:52,790 --> 00:03:55,960
I can, uh... I can go
to this Hotline twice a week.
83
00:03:55,990 --> 00:03:59,020
I can bring along my books,
catch up on my real courses.
84
00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:01,260
Stuff that has nothing
to do with people.
85
00:04:07,630 --> 00:04:08,920
Watch it, will ya?
86
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:12,260
Sorry. Next time
I'll signal before I turn.
87
00:04:12,290 --> 00:04:14,280
Jarrett?
Is that you, Jarrett?
88
00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:16,200
Keaton.
What are you doing here?
89
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,090
I go to school here.
What about you?
90
00:04:19,690 --> 00:04:21,130
I go to school here too.
91
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,530
Hey, how did you get in?
92
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:25,590
I thought they
restricted the dull.
93
00:04:25,630 --> 00:04:27,590
Obviously not.
94
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,260
So, uh, what are you
doing in this place?
95
00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:35,340
I mean, a hotline center's
the last place
96
00:04:35,380 --> 00:04:37,390
I'd figure I'd run into
somebody like you.
97
00:04:37,430 --> 00:04:38,890
Yeah, well, I'm, uh...
98
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:41,490
I'm here, uh, because I wanna
help, uh, what do you call it?
99
00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:43,030
People.
100
00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:45,380
You're more sensitive
than I thought.
101
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,740
Hey, Jarrett,
did I mention the fact
102
00:04:47,770 --> 00:04:50,750
that I won
the McKinley Scholarship?
103
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:53,540
Oh, that's not bad.
I won the Steadman.
104
00:04:53,580 --> 00:04:56,260
I could've won
the Steadman if I applied.
105
00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:59,400
I just, uh, figured the McKinley
was a little more prestigious.
106
00:05:02,230 --> 00:05:04,200
Old grudges die hard,
don't they, Keaton?
107
00:05:04,230 --> 00:05:06,010
What are you
talking about, Jarrett?
108
00:05:06,050 --> 00:05:07,760
You still can't get over
my beating you
109
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,900
in the regional spelling bee
in the third grade.
110
00:05:10,930 --> 00:05:12,760
Hey.
Hey, you didn't beat me.
111
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:16,200
I simply refused
to spell "Democrat. "
112
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:20,260
Who's next?
113
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:21,860
BOTH
I am!
114
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:23,660
Well, it's nice to see
you're both so anxious.
115
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:25,360
We like people with enthusiasm.
116
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:27,500
Let's sit down.
117
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:30,700
I'm Janice Worthy.
118
00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:33,760
I'm James Jarrett,
regional spelling bee champion.
119
00:05:35,330 --> 00:05:38,430
This is Alex Keaton,
came in second.
120
00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:42,730
Ah. Alex, I see
you're an Economics major.
121
00:05:42,770 --> 00:05:44,770
Most of the counselors here
are Psychology majors.
122
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:45,960
I'm a Psychology major.
123
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,770
I'll get to you
in just a second, James.
124
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,130
Uh, so tell me, Alex,
125
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:52,570
do you know many emotionally
disturbed people?
126
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,100
Uh... just family.
127
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,730
James, this résumé
is quite impressive:
128
00:06:01,770 --> 00:06:03,130
worked with
abused children,
129
00:06:03,170 --> 00:06:05,270
volunteered
at senior citizens' home,
130
00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:06,700
volunteer
playground director...
131
00:06:06,730 --> 00:06:09,300
What'd you do in your
spare time, train guide dogs?
132
00:06:09,340 --> 00:06:10,770
...worked with guide dogs.
133
00:06:13,470 --> 00:06:15,430
Very admirable, James.
134
00:06:15,470 --> 00:06:17,370
Yeah. He's a saint.
135
00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,630
Let me explain
how we work around here.
136
00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:23,200
The Hotline is a 24-hour service
for Leland students
137
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:24,570
with personal
problems.
138
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:28,280
Uh, yeah. It's a... It's a
terrific community service.
139
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,970
And it also satisfies the
Humanities requirement, right?
140
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:32,930
That's right.
141
00:06:32,970 --> 00:06:35,070
Great. I'm ready.
When do I start?
142
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:37,470
Your training program
will start tomorrow.
143
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:39,840
As you become more
comfortable with the job,
144
00:06:39,870 --> 00:06:41,630
we'll give you more
responsibilities.
145
00:06:41,670 --> 00:06:43,840
You won't actually
be on the phone unsupervised
146
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:44,770
for several weeks.
147
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:48,220
But we'll still get credit?
148
00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:50,460
Yes, Alex.
You'll get credit.
149
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:52,520
Oh, there's one more thing.
150
00:06:52,550 --> 00:06:54,500
Trainees work in pairs.
151
00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,340
You two will work as a team.
152
00:06:58,440 --> 00:06:59,640
Us?
153
00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:01,940
Yes. Any objections?
154
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,640
No.
No.
155
00:07:05,670 --> 00:07:08,270
BOTH I should be able to pull him through.
156
00:07:09,670 --> 00:07:12,170
Okay, Jennifer.
Ask me another question.
157
00:07:12,210 --> 00:07:14,670
What do you say
to someone who calls
158
00:07:14,710 --> 00:07:17,370
with severe
personal problems?
159
00:07:17,410 --> 00:07:20,000
I told you
never to call me here.
160
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,000
No. It says,
"Speak in a soothing voice,
161
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:23,970
and try to keep
the caller on the line. "
162
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,470
I was so close.
163
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,840
Why don't you try
a few, uh, practice calls, Alex.
164
00:07:29,870 --> 00:07:31,340
You know, to help you
get the feel of it?
165
00:07:31,370 --> 00:07:32,770
That's a good idea, Dad.
166
00:07:32,810 --> 00:07:34,810
Uh, Mallory, you've logged
more phone hours
167
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,310
than anyone else
in the family.
168
00:07:37,340 --> 00:07:39,500
Anyone else in the world.
169
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:41,410
Why don't you, uh,
give me a practice ring?
170
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:42,410
Oh, okay.
171
00:07:48,710 --> 00:07:49,910
It's ringing.
172
00:07:54,510 --> 00:07:56,140
Hello, Hotline.
173
00:07:56,170 --> 00:07:57,970
Why are you bugging me?
174
00:08:00,810 --> 00:08:02,070
I got a problem.
175
00:08:02,110 --> 00:08:03,410
Let me guess.
It's a boy.
176
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,640
Right.
Let me guess.
177
00:08:05,670 --> 00:08:08,220
Uh, you like him,
he doesn't like you.
178
00:08:08,260 --> 00:08:10,770
No. I don't like him,
he doesn't like me.
179
00:08:10,810 --> 00:08:13,110
Then what's the problem?
180
00:08:13,140 --> 00:08:15,410
He's my brother.
181
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:19,310
Sorry, your time is up.
182
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:23,410
Whoa, that's James.
I gotta go.
183
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:24,940
Wait a minute, Alex.
184
00:08:24,980 --> 00:08:26,740
It says that you shouldn't use
your real name,
185
00:08:26,780 --> 00:08:27,780
you should have a code name.
186
00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:29,510
Ah, good point.
187
00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:31,510
I wouldn't want any
of these crazed losers
188
00:08:31,540 --> 00:08:33,780
calling me at home.
189
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:38,340
Thank you, Mother Teresa.
190
00:08:38,380 --> 00:08:41,910
Okay, well, it says here
to pick a name that's positive,
191
00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:43,610
something like Faith,
Hope, or Charity,
192
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,680
but something that accurately
reflects your personality.
193
00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:48,780
How about Greed?
194
00:08:51,510 --> 00:08:53,440
Nah. It's probably taken.
195
00:08:55,010 --> 00:08:56,510
Ah, hi, Mrs. Worthy.
Hi.
196
00:08:56,550 --> 00:08:57,790
Sorry we're late.
197
00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,250
It was James' fault.
198
00:08:59,290 --> 00:09:00,640
Oh, thanks,
teammate.
199
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,850
Anyway, we're here, ready to go.
Where is everybody?
200
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,310
We're really
understaffed tonight.
201
00:09:04,350 --> 00:09:05,750
Allison and Peter
have the flu,
202
00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:06,980
Robert has a midterm
203
00:09:07,010 --> 00:09:08,950
and I was supposed
to be out of here an hour ago.
204
00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:11,210
Oh, gee, uh, that's...
That's too bad.
205
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,240
I guess that means you're gonna
have to close down tonight, huh?
206
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,580
We'll still get credit
for showing up though, right?
207
00:09:17,610 --> 00:09:19,280
We're not gonna have to close.
208
00:09:19,310 --> 00:09:21,410
Tim will be here any minute
for your training session.
209
00:09:21,450 --> 00:09:23,130
Oh, great.
Tim's good.
210
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:25,460
Yeah, great.
I love Tim.
211
00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:27,710
He makes us work hard.
212
00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:29,250
All right, boys,
see you tomorrow.
213
00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:32,010
Good night.
214
00:09:32,050 --> 00:09:34,100
Well, I don't know
about you,
215
00:09:34,130 --> 00:09:36,110
but I'm gonna get
some work done.
216
00:09:36,150 --> 00:09:38,750
Listen, Alex, I'm gonna
run up to the snack bar.
217
00:09:38,780 --> 00:09:39,850
Can I get you anything?
218
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,080
No. I'm fine.
219
00:09:41,110 --> 00:09:42,630
Hey, all right, man.
I was buying.
220
00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:44,150
Bring me back
one of everything.
221
00:09:46,450 --> 00:09:48,610
Okay. Ahhh.
222
00:09:51,610 --> 00:09:53,180
All right.
223
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,410
Yeah. Uh, Hotline.
224
00:10:06,450 --> 00:10:08,330
MAN
Hi, Alex. It's me. Tim.
225
00:10:08,370 --> 00:10:10,180
Yeah. Hi, Tim.
How you doing?
226
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:12,050
Why didn't you use
your code name?
227
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,010
Uh, sorry. I forgot.
228
00:10:14,050 --> 00:10:15,550
Don't let it happen again.
229
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:17,010
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
230
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,550
Uh, Tim, is that
the only reason you called?
231
00:10:19,580 --> 00:10:21,550
No. My car broke down.
232
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,850
It'll be at least
an hour before they fix it.
233
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:25,310
Just close up and go home.
234
00:10:25,350 --> 00:10:26,780
We'll make up
the session tomorrow.
235
00:10:26,820 --> 00:10:27,880
Okay, great.
236
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,080
Uh, oh, Tim,
uh, one more thing...
237
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:33,850
Yes, Alex. You'll
get credit for showing up.
238
00:10:33,890 --> 00:10:35,320
Okay. Bye-bye.
239
00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:54,650
Yeah, Gandhi speaking.
240
00:10:58,150 --> 00:10:59,850
MAN
Gandhi?
241
00:10:59,890 --> 00:11:01,520
Yeah, Gandhi.
242
00:11:01,550 --> 00:11:05,050
Oh, I must have the wrong
number. I-I wanted the Hotline.
243
00:11:05,090 --> 00:11:06,770
No, no, no, no.
Don't hang up.
244
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,420
Hold on.
This is the Hotline.
245
00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:12,320
I just, uh,
call myself Gandhi because,
246
00:11:12,350 --> 00:11:14,020
uh, it's a code name.
247
00:11:14,050 --> 00:11:16,740
All right?
Uh, what's your problem?
248
00:11:16,770 --> 00:11:19,420
Well, uh, my...
My name is Bill.
249
00:11:19,450 --> 00:11:21,550
Uh, just plain Bill.
250
00:11:21,590 --> 00:11:22,550
And, uh, I...
251
00:11:22,590 --> 00:11:24,890
Come on, come on.
252
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:26,050
I need some help here.
253
00:11:26,090 --> 00:11:28,190
I... I think...
254
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:30,320
I think I'm gonna kill myself.
255
00:11:34,050 --> 00:11:36,650
James, it's for you!
256
00:11:41,090 --> 00:11:42,150
Coca-Cola!
257
00:11:42,190 --> 00:11:45,570
James, you're back.
Thank God!
258
00:11:45,610 --> 00:11:48,960
You must have been
very thirsty.
259
00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:50,920
A guy called
260
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,920
who wants to kill himself.
261
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,820
Okay, okay, take it easy.
What did you tell him?
262
00:11:56,820 --> 00:11:59,020
I put him on hold.
263
00:11:59,060 --> 00:12:01,490
You what?!
264
00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:07,320
Hello. Thank you
for calling the Hotline.
265
00:12:12,220 --> 00:12:14,020
Are you there?
266
00:12:14,060 --> 00:12:15,590
Yeah, I'm here. Who are you?
267
00:12:15,630 --> 00:12:18,260
This is Gidget.
268
00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:21,710
Gidget?
269
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:22,920
Yeah.
270
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,490
That doesn't exactly
inspire confidence.
271
00:12:25,530 --> 00:12:28,020
Where's the other guy?
Where's Gandhi?
272
00:12:28,060 --> 00:12:29,390
Uh...
273
00:12:32,020 --> 00:12:33,390
I'm here too, Bill.
274
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,220
We're both here,
Gidget and... Gandhi.
275
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:39,340
All right,
let's try to be calm.
276
00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:40,930
Let's just
try to be rational.
277
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,760
Um... what's the problem?
278
00:12:43,790 --> 00:12:46,060
Well, I've been doing
a lot of thinking
279
00:12:46,090 --> 00:12:47,560
about my life, you know?
280
00:12:47,590 --> 00:12:50,260
How's it going?
281
00:12:51,790 --> 00:12:54,060
I've been better.
282
00:12:54,090 --> 00:12:56,390
You know,
I- I-I spent all last week
283
00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:58,760
trying to come up with just
one good reason to live,
284
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,020
and I couldn't do it.
285
00:13:00,060 --> 00:13:02,290
All right. Okay.
Ah, well, let's...
286
00:13:02,330 --> 00:13:04,060
Let's just, uh...
287
00:13:04,090 --> 00:13:06,560
Let's think of the things
that make us happy.
288
00:13:06,590 --> 00:13:08,460
Okay? Uh, uh, books.
289
00:13:08,490 --> 00:13:11,830
Uh, uh, plays.
Uh, music.
290
00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:13,390
Uh, movies. Movies.
291
00:13:13,430 --> 00:13:16,130
There's... There's
a great James Bond festival
292
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:17,330
over at the North Town.
293
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:18,490
Oh, yeah?
What's playing?
294
00:13:18,530 --> 00:13:21,460
Uh, Live and Let Die.
295
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,130
Nice going, Alex.
296
00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:30,600
Hey, you think
you could do better?
297
00:13:30,630 --> 00:13:32,230
Yeah, I do. Let me talk.
298
00:13:32,260 --> 00:13:34,130
Hey, no, wait a minute.
I... I answered the phone.
299
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:35,650
Guys, what's going on?
I'll talk!
300
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,130
Give me that.
No, no. Hey, Jarrett!
301
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,760
Hey...!
302
00:13:46,060 --> 00:13:47,530
Well, it's been 15 minutes.
303
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,630
He hasn't called.
304
00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:51,200
What could he be doing?
305
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:53,160
Don't answer that.
306
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,530
All right, let's just
review the conversation,
307
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,730
and we'll try and we'll
figure out out what went wrong.
308
00:13:57,770 --> 00:14:00,650
Right. Okay.
309
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:03,500
Uh, he called.
310
00:14:03,530 --> 00:14:05,900
He said he wanted
to kill himself.
311
00:14:05,930 --> 00:14:08,130
I put him on hold.
312
00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:14,000
We suggested he go
to a James Bond movie,
313
00:14:14,030 --> 00:14:16,560
and then we hung up on him.
314
00:14:24,870 --> 00:14:27,200
Uh, yeah. Hotline.
315
00:14:27,230 --> 00:14:28,860
Is that how you help?
316
00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:32,500
A guy says he's gonna kill
himselfand you hang up on him?
317
00:14:32,530 --> 00:14:34,960
Bill. Bill,
you're back.
318
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,030
Bill, we're sorry.
It was an accident.
319
00:14:37,070 --> 00:14:38,830
Now,
are you feeling any better?
320
00:14:38,870 --> 00:14:42,260
No. Worse.
321
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:43,850
Alex, use the manual.
322
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,370
Manual.
Uh, yeah.
323
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,730
Uh... Uh, you know, Bill...
324
00:14:48,770 --> 00:14:51,260
Uh, now, this is, uh,
325
00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:53,770
just off the top
of my head,
326
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,200
but I was thinking, um...
327
00:14:56,230 --> 00:14:58,970
"Life can be
a wonderful and splendid...
328
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,370
...uh, thing. "
329
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,300
Hey, are you reading this
out of a book?
330
00:15:04,340 --> 00:15:06,870
No.
331
00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:09,900
No. No.
Uh, don't be silly, Bill.
332
00:15:09,940 --> 00:15:11,770
I'm just winging this.
333
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:15,200
Uh...
"Let's reflect for a moment
334
00:15:15,230 --> 00:15:18,370
"on all the positive aspects
in one's life.
335
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,270
"We can do that, can't we?
336
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:22,100
Insert name. "
337
00:15:22,140 --> 00:15:25,900
You...! You are
reading this out of a book!
338
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,670
I'm a person,
not a hypothetical case!
339
00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:32,000
If you keep reading that book,
I'm hanging up.
340
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,940
Look, Bill,
give me a break, okay?
341
00:15:34,970 --> 00:15:37,100
I'm new at this.
I don't know what to say.
342
00:15:37,140 --> 00:15:38,400
Yeah, well,
I'm new at this too,
343
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,500
but you don't see me
reading out of a book.
344
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,840
Listen, uh, Bill,
345
00:15:47,870 --> 00:15:49,940
uh, can you hold for a second?
346
00:15:49,970 --> 00:15:52,370
Oh, great.
347
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,670
No. No, I promise you
I won't hang up.
348
00:15:55,700 --> 00:15:58,300
Okay, but hurry up.
I don't have all night.
349
00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:03,740
What are we gonna do?
350
00:16:03,770 --> 00:16:06,010
He, uh...
He won't let us use the manual.
351
00:16:07,340 --> 00:16:08,670
Well...
352
00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:12,300
Well, we'll just
have to be ourselves.
353
00:16:14,810 --> 00:16:18,740
And, uh,
then, Bill... Ahem.
354
00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:24,370
...in, uh, 1978,
I entered junior high school.
355
00:16:24,410 --> 00:16:28,340
I had to take a school bus
for the very first time.
356
00:16:28,370 --> 00:16:31,310
Of course,
it didn't faze me.
357
00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:32,640
Uh, Bill?
358
00:16:32,670 --> 00:16:34,920
Uh, you still there?
359
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,140
Yeah, I'm still here.
360
00:16:37,170 --> 00:16:39,470
I'm bored,
but I'm still here.
361
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:45,710
Me too.
362
00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:47,620
Guys, I appreciate
what you're doing,
363
00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:49,510
but, you know,
you're wasting your time.
364
00:16:49,540 --> 00:16:50,710
Nobody cares about me.
365
00:16:50,740 --> 00:16:53,410
Hey, we do.
366
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,040
And... And we're
gonna stay on this phone
367
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,040
as long as
you want us to.
368
00:16:57,070 --> 00:16:59,540
Come on, you're just two guys
who work at the Hotline
369
00:16:59,580 --> 00:17:02,140
and happened to show up
on the wrong night,
370
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:05,140
and I don't even
know your real names.
371
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,080
Alex Keaton.
372
00:17:12,110 --> 00:17:14,440
James Jarrett.
373
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,910
I didn't...
I didn't think you'd tell me.
374
00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:18,930
Isn't that
against the rules?
375
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,870
Hey, Bill,
at a time like this,
376
00:17:20,910 --> 00:17:22,410
everything just
goes out the window.
377
00:17:22,450 --> 00:17:25,140
Let me rephrase that.
378
00:17:29,410 --> 00:17:30,510
Look, I...
379
00:17:30,540 --> 00:17:32,310
Look, I know you guys
are really trying,
380
00:17:32,340 --> 00:17:35,510
but you still haven't told me
why I should keep living.
381
00:17:36,710 --> 00:17:38,230
Think of the good things.
382
00:17:38,260 --> 00:17:39,920
Think of falling snow,
383
00:17:39,950 --> 00:17:41,540
think of falling in love.
384
00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:45,080
I know. "Every cloud
has a silver lining. "
385
00:17:45,110 --> 00:17:47,380
Uh-uh, no.
Silver's down this week.
386
00:17:47,410 --> 00:17:50,880
Say... Say, "Every cloud
has a zinc lining. "
387
00:17:52,740 --> 00:17:55,810
Hey, see that, man?
You're laughing.
388
00:17:55,850 --> 00:17:58,180
I tell you, people who have
really given up on life,
389
00:17:58,210 --> 00:17:59,640
they can't laugh.
390
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:01,280
That wasn't a laugh.
That was a chuckle.
391
00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:02,510
Oh, come on, come on.
392
00:18:02,550 --> 00:18:04,850
That was a laugh.
I know a laugh when I hear one,
393
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,010
and you laughed.
394
00:18:06,050 --> 00:18:09,210
All right,
I laughed. Sue me.
395
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:12,550
Come on.
Bill, if you're laughing,
396
00:18:12,580 --> 00:18:13,510
you must be smiling.
397
00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:14,810
And... And if
you're smiling,
398
00:18:14,850 --> 00:18:16,210
you must be
starting to feel good.
399
00:18:16,250 --> 00:18:17,580
And you cannot
kill yourself
400
00:18:17,620 --> 00:18:19,330
when you're
feeling good.
401
00:18:19,370 --> 00:18:21,050
It... It spoils the mood.
402
00:18:22,350 --> 00:18:24,310
Look, I know you guys
are really trying,
403
00:18:24,350 --> 00:18:26,150
you know,
but it's no use.
404
00:18:26,180 --> 00:18:29,710
I just... I hate life.
I hate feeling empty every day.
405
00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:32,380
I... I hate feeling sorry
for myself. I...
406
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,080
What? What is it?
407
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,580
I'm scared.
408
00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:42,680
Bill, everybody
gets scared.
409
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:43,880
Do you?
410
00:18:46,050 --> 00:18:48,350
Uh, yeah. Pfff. Sure.
411
00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:49,450
When?
412
00:18:50,650 --> 00:18:52,250
Hey, look,
I thought we were supposed
413
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,050
to be talking about you,
not me.
414
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,850
Oh, I get it. I have
to answer your questions,
415
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:58,180
but you won't
answer mine.
416
00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,750
No, it... It's...
417
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,820
It's just that
it's not easy...
418
00:19:03,850 --> 00:19:05,920
for me.
419
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:10,350
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
I get scared.
420
00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:12,680
When?
421
00:19:17,950 --> 00:19:20,000
Uh, mostly at night.
422
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,020
You know, when the...
423
00:19:22,050 --> 00:19:25,350
When the house is real quiet.
424
00:19:25,380 --> 00:19:28,180
And I start
thinking about my future.
425
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,570
I, uh...
I do. I get scared.
426
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,380
Why should that scare you?
427
00:19:35,420 --> 00:19:38,250
You told me you've always
succeeded in everything.
428
00:19:38,290 --> 00:19:40,720
I have.
429
00:19:40,750 --> 00:19:43,520
And, uh, that's why
I get scared.
430
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:46,620
You know, because
I'm afraid I might fail.
431
00:19:47,790 --> 00:19:48,750
And, uh...
432
00:19:48,790 --> 00:19:51,750
And, if I fail,
433
00:19:51,790 --> 00:19:54,290
I don't know
how I'd handle it.
434
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,750
So I can't
let myself fail.
435
00:19:56,790 --> 00:20:01,150
I keep pushing myself
to do better and better,
436
00:20:01,190 --> 00:20:03,650
and I keep trying
harder and harder.
437
00:20:03,690 --> 00:20:06,120
And I'm afraid
that if I stop...
438
00:20:06,150 --> 00:20:08,050
Uh, I'm sorry.
439
00:20:08,090 --> 00:20:10,850
No, no, go on. What...?
What are you afraid of?
440
00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:20,550
I'm, uh, afraid that
if I slow down
441
00:20:20,590 --> 00:20:24,550
and, uh,
I stop being the best
442
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,190
and the brightest,
443
00:20:26,220 --> 00:20:30,760
and, uh,
the wittiest that, uh...
444
00:20:30,790 --> 00:20:32,650
I'll be nothing.
445
00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:36,090
Wow. That's exactly
how I feel sometimes.
446
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,090
Like... Like I'm nothing.
447
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:40,420
Well, we all feel
that way sometimes,
448
00:20:40,460 --> 00:20:41,420
but we ride it out.
449
00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:42,490
We work at it.
450
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,450
We fight the bad feelings.
451
00:20:44,490 --> 00:20:47,460
Look, Bill,
you called here, right?
452
00:20:47,490 --> 00:20:49,340
I mean, you reached out.
453
00:20:49,380 --> 00:20:51,150
You don't wanna die,
454
00:20:51,190 --> 00:20:53,990
and we don't
want you to die.
455
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:58,020
Do you really think every, uh,
cloud has a zinc lining? Ha.
456
00:20:58,060 --> 00:21:00,260
Absolutely.
457
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,290
I'm gonna hang up now.
458
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:06,860
Uh, what do you...?
What do you mean, Bill?
459
00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:09,720
I mean, I...
I wanna hang up,
460
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:12,620
so I can get some sleep.
You know, then I can be fresh,
461
00:21:12,660 --> 00:21:13,990
and think this through,
462
00:21:14,020 --> 00:21:16,790
and find another way
to deal with it tomorrow.
463
00:21:18,030 --> 00:21:19,890
Tomorrow.
464
00:21:19,930 --> 00:21:22,690
Did you, uh...?
Did you say tomorrow?
465
00:21:22,730 --> 00:21:24,790
Yeah.
466
00:21:26,260 --> 00:21:29,160
Did you, uh...?
Did you hear that, James?
467
00:21:29,190 --> 00:21:31,260
I heard him.
468
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,460
We were afraid
we goofed up, you know?
469
00:21:33,490 --> 00:21:36,330
Because we're new and, uh,
we're so unsure of ourselves.
470
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,140
I kind of liked that.
471
00:21:38,180 --> 00:21:39,930
It made me feel superior.
472
00:21:44,660 --> 00:21:47,360
You guys were good, though.
Darn good.
473
00:21:47,390 --> 00:21:49,560
Well, thanks.
474
00:21:49,590 --> 00:21:52,330
Uh, but as good as we are,
475
00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:56,090
there are... There are
people who are better.
476
00:21:56,130 --> 00:21:58,590
You have to get
some professional help.
477
00:21:58,630 --> 00:22:00,330
I know.
478
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:01,990
I will.
479
00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:04,330
But it's gonna be hard
480
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,060
to find somebody better
than Gandhi and Gidget.
481
00:22:09,290 --> 00:22:11,330
Thanks, guys.
482
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:43,430
Nice going, Keaton.
483
00:22:44,860 --> 00:22:46,730
You're really something,
man.
484
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:48,600
You weren't so bad yourself.
485
00:22:55,860 --> 00:22:58,400
You know, listen, uh,
486
00:22:58,430 --> 00:23:01,010
about that stuff
that I said, you know,
487
00:23:01,050 --> 00:23:03,600
about being scared
and all of that.
488
00:23:05,730 --> 00:23:06,800
Yeah?
489
00:23:06,830 --> 00:23:09,370
Well, you know
that I was just, uh,
490
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:10,600
saying that.
491
00:23:10,630 --> 00:23:12,160
Oh, yeah.
I know.
492
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,230
I know
you don't get scared.
493
00:23:15,270 --> 00:23:17,770
Uh, James, can you
keep the lights on?
32347
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