Original subtitles

night hurt night symbol sweet school on monday

OK night all right see ya we can't

it's almost midnight my parents will kill me

they're sleep they never sleep come on let's

sit along sort of late isn't it we

were just on our way home seems like

a nice idea i know sir i knew

we should None here it is boys your

new european home wow mom there's a castle

it looks neat it looks damp i bet

a vampire lives there it's a perfect place

for him to wait for sunset well we

wait for max to grow up isn't it

just how you imagined it would be how'd

you get hansel and gretel evicted come on

chris oh i'm sorry guys i forgot to

tell you they changed my schedule again i

have to go to madrid tomorrow i thought

it was london oh no honey that's the

day after i thought we were going to

need to see you this time well you

are hon that's why i've flown you over

we're going to be a lot closer here

than with you in philadelphia welcome and piavenu

welcome come inside will you it's terribly bright

out here come come come guys this is

your uncle gustav gustav this i recognize them

from their pictures this is little maximilian max

please just max and this is christopher who

loses easily then you must be a peach

uncle gustav is this what i think it

is a very interesting epistemological question max how

can i know what you think well it

it looks like a wooden stake the kind

you'd use to plunge into the blood gorge

chest of a vampire my goodness you're exactly

right and to think all these years i've

been using it as a doorstop you'll have

to excuse max gustav he's a little obsessed

with the supernatural a little anyway max how

do we know that you're not a vampire

yourself the way you wolf down those puppy

seeds what's wrong with them some experts vampires

cannot resist puppy seeds they're absolutely mad about

that if you're going to venture into the

world of the undead young man you had

better know the nature of the beast loomis

townsend uncle gustav well gentlemen may i present

miss sophie metanic as she stays here when

she goes to school you live here yes

shouldn't i chris townsend i love astronomy and

rap and i'm older than i look and

i think i'm ready for a truly giving

relationship hello and this is maximilian max please

just max come on guys i'll show you

to your rooms and we have to change

and get going we just got here i

know but i'm invited to a reception at

the embassy this afternoon you guys can come

along mom how about if i catch just

a bit of MTV till you're done oh

honey i don't think uncle gustav gets MTV

i don't remember you mentioning that mom look

there's the ambassador i can introduce you in

a minute maybe he's a vampire looks like

he hasn't been outside in a while and

there's alexander lucard now that's exciting i can

hardly contain myself no no he owns lucard

enterprises banking real estate and chemicals he's one

of the richest men in the world not

even in the top ten i'm afraid alexander

lucard eileen townsend pennsylvania industrial bank yes i

know we've made quite a splash in the

last few weeks that euro bond deal was

very interesting thank you oh these are my

boys chris and max they just arrived today

how are you like i want my MTV

you can have it if you own a

satellite how else would i watch young MC

you're into rap and hip hop and some

scar i'll tell you what chris here's my

card call my people whatever you get homesick

for a little rap yes thanks i will

welcome welcome max eileen well if you're going

to be in europe you might as well

have some friends right face it max your

search for vampires is a bust that's it

uncle gustav hates garlic and did you notice

that there aren't any crosses around either maybe

he's jewish and did you see the way

he wolfed down my poppy seeds he's the

one that told you about the poppy seeds

exactly uncle gustav is a vampire he's got

to be oh man what are we going

to do we'll go to sleep oh sure

but don't blame me if you wake up

and he's sucking plasma i got to tell

mom no least let her sleep she's got

a flight to catch at six AM tomorrow

then i'll go see mister licard he'll know

what to do great and until then go

to sleep OK OK but i'll keep my

guard up as long as you do it

quietly well hello max come to catch some

videos i'm afraid it's more serious than that

mister licard well i'm going to surprise you

max i'm not one of those adults who

will just ignore you there are certain things

you should know about christophe helsing i knew

it oh man what a dweeb i am

please max could happen to anyone just leave

those now listen to me i believe you

and your brother may be in some danger

i'm expecting an important phone call could you

give me just a few minutes alone then

we'll have a talk about what needs to

be done sure mister lacard i'll just be

outside are you sure we can't get an

MTV out here yes i'm sure this is

unbelievable and we can watch the festival of

folk lawrence dances of poland tonight oh awesome

i know i'm going to regret this but

i got to know max max max what

the heck you think you're doing max you

get back here right now take the stairs

good thank you where can he be going

the hospital if i get my hands on

the castle he's going to mister lucard 's

castle i'm going to kill him yep i'm

going to kill him great oh man this

place looks like a metallica video and it's

damp max all right i did it OK

max this time it's personal don't you see

i saved you uncle gustav is a vampire

and this is the only place we're sick

uncle gustav is a what a vampire i

knew you wouldn't come here if i had

asked to do so i tricked you pretty

cool huh this is the dumbest thing you've

ever done and believe me there is lots

of competition don't be too hard on the

boy christopher max brought you here at my

invitation you were in very great danger but

you are safe now under my wing so

to speak go on run raymond run get

a goose off he's a last chance come

on hello this is gustav gustav we're in

big so i'm not home right now probably

out eating too much schnitzel again but just

leave a message at the tone he's not

at home wait for the tone he's a

little music which means he's not in right

OK which means we got to go back

there which means we got to go save

sophie by ourselves and don't forget this is

your fault OK you might as well try

to relax my dear do you know the

music mozart very good his mass for the

dead he died while he was writing it

funny how things work out you're him aren't

you why whatever do you mean you're dracula

no i'm milli vanilli of course i'm dracula

and you know what i enjoy being me

think of the advantages forever free to roam

the night collecting officer maria schmidt my latest

acquisition beautiful skin tone although yours is even

finer wait i have an idea what are

you doing you idiot she's not happy gustav

will find out you have me and he'll

come after you i sincerely hope so that

was the point of bringing you here after

all apart from your beauty and your blood

type AB negative i guess he suspects who

you are you know well of course he

does he's a worthy opponent not quite the

equal of his great grandfather but definitely ahead

of his grandfather and father legendary vampire hunters

all of them that's why he must be

disposed of no i'll start with a little

aperitif i think leave her alone you don't

know who you're dealing with but i do

what is that stuff holy water where'd you

get it i never leave home without it

oh great elvira keep her covered stink her

you've got to stink her but i don't

believe in believe but i can't do it

she's a girl stink her you're blocking the

cross nobody messes with my brother i believe

i believe i believe you can't care for

seconds mister lecard and to think i left

you safe and sound watching television but come

on before his creatures find us it's been

a running battle through the centuries my ancestors

and him i lost track of him several

years ago before he created this newest identity

this alexander lucard you must all learn to

trust each other and no one else i

myself spent an evening watching you two sleep

to make sure you weren't lucard 's agents

such snoring it was unbelievable i had to

keep my guard up because he's never had

such power there was a count in transylvania

he could never do more than local harm

but now with his corporate connections he's in

a position to take over the world we

must be stopped maximilian you've been very quiet

well it's just that i mean i was

in the same house the same room as

dracula the dracula and i didn't even get

his autograph there will be other evenings max

i can promise you that more cocoa anymore