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1
00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:02,170
EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS #047
CLOSED CAPTIONED
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00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:03,104
("Freeway of Love"
by Aretha Franklin playing)
3
00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:05,106
CHRIS ROCK:
From the time I was young,
4
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:08,576
the thing I dreamt
most about was cars.
5
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:09,877
Even though I couldn't drive,
6
00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:13,481
I always imagined what kind
of car I would get if I could.
7
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,249
Drew and I used
to pretend every car
8
00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:17,118
that came down the street
was ours.
9
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:18,186
My red.
10
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:19,753
Oh, that's my green.
11
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:22,390
Mine.
12
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:23,791
(siren wailing)
13
00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:26,460
* Freeway of love...
14
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:27,695
Nah, you can
have that one.
15
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,029
(scoffs)
16
00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:32,533
When I got older, I was always
asking my dad to let me drive.
17
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,568
Hey, Dad, can I drive?
18
00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:35,803
And he always said
the same thing.
19
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:36,804
Drive?
20
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:39,173
Sure, you can drive...
as soon as you turn 16,
21
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:40,774
go to driver's ed.,
get a driver's license,
22
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:42,610
graduate from
high school,
23
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,613
get a job, get out of my house,
get a car, get insurance.
24
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,715
Yeah, then you can drive
anytime you want.
25
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:48,816
He could have just said no.
26
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:52,120
* In my pink Cadillac...
27
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,121
Hey, Dad.
28
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,588
It's street cleaning today.
29
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:57,191
I hate having
to move this car all the time.
30
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:59,860
Even though he always said no,
I had to ask.
31
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,329
Can I do it?
32
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:03,397
No, you don't know how
to drive, Chris.
33
00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:05,733
Yeah, I do.
You know how to drive?
34
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:08,102
Yeah.
Okay, let's see.
35
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:10,504
Having a steering wheel
in my hand
36
00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:13,107
was one of the most amazing
feelings I had ever had,
37
00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:15,209
right behind my first kiss,
which hadn't happened yet.
38
00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:16,644
Okay, now put the car
in "R."
39
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:19,180
I got it.
40
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:20,514
Okay.
41
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:25,186
* We're going riding
on the freeway of love *
42
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:28,722
* Wind against my back
43
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:32,160
* We're going riding
on the freeway of love *
44
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,428
* In my pink Cadillac
45
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:36,664
Wow, you really can drive.
46
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,199
I learned from
watching you.
47
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,268
* Freeway of love...
It was just a few feet,
48
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:43,271
but they were the most exciting
feet I had ever experienced.
49
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:47,808
(groaning):
Wait, wait... h-help.
50
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:51,845
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
51
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:23,477
CHRIS ROCK:
Moving my dad's car on
street cleaning day was great.
52
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:24,712
Sometimes they even cleaned
the street.
53
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,347
Only one thing
would have made it better.
54
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:27,215
Chris, I'm tired.
55
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:28,916
Can you move the car
across the street
56
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:29,917
before you go to school?
57
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,219
Yeah.
58
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:32,853
You think you can
do it without me?
59
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:34,222
Really?
60
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,224
If you can't feel
you're ready...
61
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:37,258
No, n-no, n-no,
I got it.
62
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:39,360
Good, and make sure you
put on your seat belt.
63
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,494
I will.
64
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:41,895
And don't touch my mirrors.
I won't.
65
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,231
Don't move my seat.
Okay.
66
00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,398
Warm up the engine.
Right.
67
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:45,299
And don't go
burning up gas.
68
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,235
I'm just moving the car
across the street.
69
00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:48,669
That's three cents
worth of gas.
70
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,604
By the time this checklist
was over,
71
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:52,806
I had had a license, a diploma,
72
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:53,974
and had made
my third appearance
73
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,809
on Showtime At The Apollo.
74
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:59,213
Hurry up or you'll
be late for school.
75
00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:02,950
My father's trust made me feel
like a man... and so did this.
76
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:05,953
Hey, Chris.
You driving now?
77
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:08,256
Yeah, so if you ever
need a ride someplace,
78
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,657
just let me know.
79
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,793
Especially if that someplace
is across the street.
80
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,828
Well, maybe we could take
a ride after school.
81
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,330
Maybe.
82
00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:18,299
Look, I got to go,
I don't want to hit traffic.
83
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:20,934
At that moment,
I had a decision to make:
84
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:23,504
drive across the street
and look like a fool
85
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,773
or drive around the corner
and feel real cool.
86
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:28,809
(car starts)
87
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:34,648
If Greg were here,
he'd say I was in there.
88
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,350
Okay.
89
00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:37,785
Here you go, Julius,
here's your breakfast.
90
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,987
Julius, wake up.
91
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,255
What are you still doing here?
92
00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:42,690
(sighing):
I got to go to court.
93
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,258
I got a speeding ticket.
94
00:03:44,292 --> 00:03:46,360
My mother had her own style
of driving called
95
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:48,829
The Fast and The Furious:
Bed-Stuy Drift.
96
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:52,032
(tires screeching)
Move out the way.
97
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:55,369
Car doesn't move
the way it used to.
98
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:56,370
Whoo!
99
00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:57,371
I told you about speeding.
100
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:59,773
Now you have to spend
a whole day off from work
101
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:01,342
just to pay
a ticket.
102
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,644
I'm not paying the ticket
because I wasn't speeding.
103
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,446
Cop gives me a
ticket for doing 32
104
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:06,780
in a 25.
105
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,516
Who does 32 in a 25?
106
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:10,651
If I'm gonna speed, I'm gonna
do 30 miles over the limit,
107
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:11,819
not seven.
108
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,954
Drew, Tonya,
come on, let's go.
109
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:16,457
How come y'all ain't
at school?
110
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:18,792
School is closed for
teachers' records' day.
111
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:20,428
Yeah, and Mama's
making us go with her
112
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,062
so we don't disturb you
while you sleep.
113
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,130
See you.
114
00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:25,399
My mother always thought
the worst would happen
115
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:28,035
if my father didn't get
enough sleep.
116
00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:40,314
While my mother got ready
to challenge the law,
117
00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:43,417
I was still breaking it.
118
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:46,053
Hey, little dude from
across the street!
119
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:48,589
Check you out, man.
120
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,424
I didn't know you knew
how to drive.
121
00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:52,560
I'm just moving my dad's car
for street cleaning.
122
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,995
Well, you look a little stiff
in there, little dude.
123
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,530
See, man,
you got to cop a lean,
124
00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:57,831
pop your collar up
a little bit.
125
00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,433
I'll show you.
126
00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:00,868
Another thing I learned
about cars
127
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,570
is that it's not always
what you drive,
128
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,071
it's how you drive it.
129
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:06,106
* Yo, yo...
130
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,108
Pop this up some like this.
131
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,543
Now go ahead
and lean.
132
00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:10,944
* I'm big and bad...
133
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,813
Man, come--
lean, man.
134
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:15,048
Man, get low.
135
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:16,049
Yeah.
136
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:17,351
I can't see
nothing.
137
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:18,419
But you look good,
though.
138
00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:20,388
I got to get to school.
139
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:21,622
Man, come on, let's go.
140
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:25,593
You can't see me, but take
my word for it: I look cool.
141
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,528
While I was on the road,
142
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,397
my mother was getting
the runaround.
Just be quiet.
143
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:31,365
Boy, don't get on
my last nerve today.
144
00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:32,265
Uh, excuse me, miss,
145
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:33,801
could you tell me
when my case is up?
146
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,404
Let's see.
147
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:38,439
You're case number 89
148
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:39,607
and as soon
as this one ends,
149
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,376
we're moving on
to case number... two.
150
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:43,877
Number two?!
151
00:05:43,911 --> 00:05:45,112
(gavel bangs)
What are you
talking about?!
152
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,647
Excuse me, uh, ma'am.
153
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,550
Could you maintain decorum
and observe complete silence
154
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:51,118
while this court
is in session?
155
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,053
Thank you.
(mimicking bailiff)
156
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:54,488
WOMAN:
That way.
What's he talking about?
157
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:55,956
Come on.
158
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:58,526
Meanwhile, Jerome had me
driving like he was Miss Daisy.
159
00:05:58,559 --> 00:05:59,593
Just a little bit
further, man.
160
00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:02,496
I need to get the car parked
so I can go to school.
161
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,965
Where do you
need to go?
Right here,
right here, little dude.
162
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,167
This is my stop.
163
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,168
Thanks, little dude.
164
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,503
Ah, man.
165
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:10,504
What's wrong with you?
166
00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:11,705
I'm gonna be
late for school
167
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:14,875
'cause I missed my bus and I
still haven't parked the car.
168
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,744
Look, man, just relax,
all right, little dude.
169
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,812
It's a spot
right over there.
170
00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:19,813
I can't park there.
171
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:22,450
I'm 50 blocks from my house.
172
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:23,451
You got the car.
173
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:24,852
Why don't you drive to school?
174
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,020
Because it'll be
the last ride I ever take.
175
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,556
Because I'm not
supposed to be driving.
176
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:29,890
I'm supposed
to be parking.
177
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,525
Plus, I don't even
have my license.
178
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:32,626
Well, I'm just saying
179
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,695
if you doing something you
ain't supposed to be doing,
180
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,830
you might as well do
something you supposed to do.
181
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:39,567
Sounds crazy, makes sense.
182
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:40,534
I guess.
183
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:43,070
Hey, you think you could
stop by and pick me up
184
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,538
on your way home from school?
185
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:45,439
No!
186
00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:46,273
All right.
187
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:48,141
Let me hold a dollar;
I need bus fare.
188
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:51,912
What about my gas money
to bring you here?
189
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:54,114
Thanks, little dude.
190
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,484
Remember what I showed you.
191
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:59,019
I was supposed to park
across the street,
192
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,589
but now I was
on the highway to Hell.
193
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,194
Even though I was scared
out of my wits,
194
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,395
there was something
about driving
195
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:11,198
that made me feel like
the coolest kid in the world.
196
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:18,472
* Yeah, oh.
197
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:21,509
And the only thing cooler
than driving to school
198
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,511
was pulling up in front of it.
199
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:26,146
Whoa, Chris, is that you?
200
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,582
I always suspected you were
held back a couple of years,
201
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:29,783
but I didn't know
you could drive.
202
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:32,085
When'd you get
your license?
203
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,587
I don't have my license.
204
00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:34,722
What are you
doing driving
205
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:35,889
and where'd you get a car?
206
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:37,591
It's my dad's car.
207
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:38,792
What are you doing with it?
208
00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:40,894
Moving it to the other
side of the street.
209
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,663
Or the other side
of the borough.
210
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:43,664
Cool.
211
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:45,633
This is totally
off the hook.
212
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:46,867
Greg was actually the first one
213
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,602
to use that phrase
and eventually went on
214
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:50,571
to teach Snoop "shizzle" talk.
215
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,239
Well, aren't you afraid
your dad might find out?
216
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,774
He's a pretty hard sleeper.
217
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,109
As long as I'm back by 5:00,
I think I should be okay.
218
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:59,012
The truth was my father
could sleep through anything.
219
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:00,514
* Fire...
(alarm beeping)
220
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:02,115
There we go.
221
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,817
Hey, wake up, man!
222
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:05,853
Wake up,
the whole place is on fire!
223
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,621
We got to get
out of here now!
224
00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:08,722
Wake up!
225
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,290
Hey, fellas, get out!
226
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,258
The place
is burning down!
227
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,259
Get out!
228
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,227
When the other
kids see this,
229
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,863
we are going
to be so in there.
230
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,832
Greg, you can't tell
anyone about this.
231
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:21,669
If a teacher finds out and
calls my dad, I'm dead,
232
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:23,637
so you can't say
anything to anyone.
233
00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:25,272
Your secret's safe with me.
234
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:26,874
No, it's not.
235
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:29,009
Oh, hey, Chris,
236
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:31,078
I heard you got your father's
deuce and a quarter.
237
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,279
Cool.
238
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:36,550
Hey, Malcolm Racer X, I heard
you got your father's hooptie.
239
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:37,685
Cool.
240
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:41,021
Hey, Chris, I heard
you've got a father.
241
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,522
Cool.
242
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:47,828
Greg, I thought I told you not
to tell anybody about the car.
243
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,296
Now the whole school knows.
244
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:51,131
I'm sorry, man.
245
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,634
You've got a car
and I know you.
246
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,670
That's the closest thing I've
ever gotten to being cool.
247
00:08:56,704 --> 00:08:57,938
You know Jennifer Thompson?
248
00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,873
Yeah, so?
249
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:02,576
Well, every time I'm around
her, I get tongue-tied,
250
00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:04,177
and I finally had something
worth saying to her.
251
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,213
That I had my father's car?
252
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,514
And that I'm riding shotgun.
253
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:11,685
If I had had a shotgun, Greg
would be riding in the trunk.
254
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,320
Case number seven.
255
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,188
Ma, I'm hungry.
256
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,256
Me, too.
257
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,691
Oh, I knew
y'all would say that.
258
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:18,826
I got a snack.
259
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:21,261
Here, we'll just open
these chips and,
260
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,697
and we gonna eat some chip...
Ma'am, you have been warned,
261
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,332
already,
for making too much noise.
262
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,635
I'm sorry, Judge.
263
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,669
I got hungry kids
over here.
264
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,704
We're just having
a little snack, that's all.
265
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:33,874
Well, why don't you try
and have it quietly?
266
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:37,244
(whispering):
I'll chew quiet.
267
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,679
Ma, I'm thirsty.
268
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:39,546
Yeah, so am I.
269
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,716
Mm, Drew, go look
for a vending machine
270
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,151
and bring us back a soda.
Okay.
271
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,854
JUDGE:
Guilty.
272
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,356
20 days, $200 fine.
273
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,858
For a parking ticket?
274
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,159
$350!
275
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,360
Ooh.
My mother found out
276
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,629
that judge was a hard case.
277
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:57,097
So your left
taillight was out?
278
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,632
Ah...
279
00:09:58,666 --> 00:09:59,867
10 years.
280
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,368
ROCHELLE:
10 years?!
Move it.
281
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,036
Did you hear that?
Move it, paisan.
282
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,705
Unless you had soft curves.
283
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:05,906
Guilty.
284
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,408
Six months house arrest.
285
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,409
What?!
286
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,344
(quietly):
At my house.
287
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,345
Oh, okay.
288
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:13,346
Okay.
289
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,082
Yeah, yeah.
290
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,650
Hey, get that number.
291
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:19,219
She better hope
his wife ain't home.
292
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:21,288
Girl, they got you
for speeding, too?
293
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,423
You don't look like nothing
on you goes fast.
294
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,092
I told you this
was gonna be big.
295
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,027
Hey, Chris.
296
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,428
Can we sit in your car?
297
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,831
Yeah, why not.
298
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,666
Because they're underage.
299
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,034
Oh, wait... so was I.
300
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,402
Ooh, can we turn on the radio?
301
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,370
Yeah, Chris,
turn on the radio.
302
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,840
I had broken every rule
my father had given me.
303
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,241
But since I had the car,
304
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:43,744
there was no reason
not to take advantage of it.
305
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:46,446
Especially since all I had
to do was let it sit there.
306
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,315
Hey, Chris,
307
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,850
can you take us
for a ride?
308
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,753
While I was finding out
309
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:53,887
what cars do for guys,
310
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:57,124
my mother was finding out
what guys do for girls.
311
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,259
Your Honor,
I clocked her doing 62
312
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,161
in a 55.
313
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,796
It also says here
that you crashed
314
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,131
into the side of a building,
315
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:07,067
destroyed four parked cars,
drove through a pond...
316
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:11,138
and parked by a fire hydrant?
317
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,974
I throw myself onto
the mercy of the court.
318
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,176
I deserve to be punished.
319
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:18,779
Don't be so hard on yourself.
320
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,714
You know, I don't really
think you intended
321
00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:24,051
to go 62 in a 55.
322
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,754
The judge is trying
to go 47 in a 22.
323
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,756
JUDGE:
I tell you what
I'm gonna do,
324
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,458
I'm gonna let you off
with just a warning, okay?
325
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,293
And I hope
326
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:35,763
that you've learned
your lesson.
327
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,130
Go on. Llámame.
328
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:39,499
Disgusting.
329
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,835
Yeah, I know
I learned my lesson.
330
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,771
Next time I'm gonna come
in a tighter dress
331
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,105
(gavel bangs)
and a low cut top.
332
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:45,906
Who said that?
333
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,741
Bailiff,
334
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:49,309
get granny up out of here.
335
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,211
Come on, granny, get your
butt up out of here.
Sorry.
336
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,913
No, you got to go. Shh.
337
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:54,915
Shh.
338
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:57,751
Momma, what's taking
Drew so long?
339
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:58,919
I don't know.
340
00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:00,754
Let me go find him.
You stay here.
341
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,856
If they call 89,
tell 'em to wait.
342
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:04,257
Open the door.
343
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:06,493
While my mother was creeping
out of court,
344
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:07,928
back on the street,
I was rollin'.
345
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,863
* The wall cave in,
the bass makes... *
346
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:12,299
It's a shame the white kids
have more rhythm than me.
347
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,501
* ...my ride,
yes the front and back *
348
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:16,536
* You would think it was
a party, not a Cadillac *
349
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,840
* Cos I drive up to the ave
with the windows closed *
350
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:22,542
* And my bass is so loud
it could rip your clothes *
351
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,078
* My stereo's thumpin'
like a savage beast *
352
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:28,115
* The level on my power meter
will not decrease... *
353
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,516
(car puttering)
354
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:30,918
(car tires squealing)
355
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,822
What's wrong?
356
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,123
Everything.
357
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:39,126
I'm just glad we're in Brooklyn
and not Alabama.
358
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,866
I learned all kinds of things
about driving a car
359
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,868
but not a single thing
about fixing 'em.
360
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,202
Maybe it's just
out of gas.
361
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,370
It's not out of gas.
362
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:51,571
Maybe the battery's dead.
363
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,206
Great, then we could
have a double funeral.
364
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,241
I think I know somebody
365
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,876
who might be able
to help us.
366
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,915
The janitor?
367
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:03,917
The janitor was the one person
at Corleone
368
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:05,418
that everybody knew.
369
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,020
But nobody knew anything about.
370
00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:09,923
I heard he did a kid a favor
once... for five bucks.
371
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,324
What type of favor?
372
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:14,361
(school bell ringing)
373
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:18,431
Next time, kid,
study for your test.
374
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,404
Hey.
375
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,406
Hey.
376
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:28,175
I know you.
377
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:29,542
You're that black kid.
378
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:31,544
Chris.
379
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:32,913
Yeah.
380
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,915
So, can you do me a favor?
381
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,150
Well, that depends.
382
00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:39,086
Got five bucks?
383
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:44,524
With Drew running loose in
a building full of courtrooms,
384
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,426
my mother was imagining
the worst.
385
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:49,496
I find the Defendant guilty
of being a black teenager
386
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,498
in a court of law.
387
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,600
I didn't do it, Mom.
388
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,468
Hey, Mom.
389
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,904
Drew, where have
you been?
390
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,238
I just made ten dollars.
391
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,307
Some guy just paid me
to pee in a cup.
392
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,209
Boy, give me that money!
393
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,911
Don't you know that's
against the law.
394
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:04,611
Not technically.
395
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:05,879
And you were
supposed to be
396
00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:06,679
getting soda--
where's the soda?
397
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,615
I had to drink them
so I could pee.
398
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,850
You have to spend money
to make money.
399
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,622
Try now, Chris.
400
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,057
(engine revving)
401
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,391
All right, you fixed it.
402
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:19,893
No problem.
403
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,962
That'll be five bucks.
404
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:22,963
I already gave you five.
405
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,597
That was for the favor.
406
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:26,633
This is to keep
my mouth shut.
407
00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:32,039
Nice doing business with you.
408
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,609
OFFICER:
And as he pulled away from
the curb, Your Honor,
409
00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:38,145
he made a three
lane change
410
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:39,679
and then proceeded
to make a U-turn
411
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,048
in a business
district.
412
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,115
Excuse me.
413
00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:43,350
Did you see
my little girl?
414
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,352
Yeah, she stepped out.
415
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,353
Stepped out?
416
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,587
What do you mean
stepped out?
417
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,056
She's just
a little girl.
Whoa, whoa.
418
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,058
You're the one that
left her here.
419
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,260
Did you just
"whoa" me?
420
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:54,694
(scoffs)
421
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,363
Look, Drew,
just stay here.
422
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,530
If they call
number 89
423
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,566
just tell them
to wait, okay?
424
00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:03,670
(giggling)
425
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,005
Tonya!
426
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,473
I thought I told you
to stay put.
427
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:07,574
I had to go.
428
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:08,708
You have a lovely
daughter.
429
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,310
Thank you.
430
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,145
Momma, she's
on trial, too.
431
00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:13,646
I'll bet she is, baby,
come on.
432
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,015
Hey!
433
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:16,383
I got a speeding
ticket.
434
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,717
Well, I got a speeding
ticket, too.
435
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,586
For going seven miles
over the speed limit.
436
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:20,954
Can you believe that?
437
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:21,721
That's not even speeding.
438
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,723
I said the same
thing, girl.
439
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,058
It's all right.
440
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,659
I'll pay the fine.
441
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:28,295
I'm just glad they
didn't check my trunk.
442
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:29,729
'Cause if they found
my guns and drugs,
443
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,164
I would of been
in trouble.
444
00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:32,632
Okay.
445
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,001
Uh, well, you take care.
446
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,003
Congratulations.
Bye.
447
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,037
Nice talking
to you.
Okay.
448
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,239
You too, baby.
Tell the streets
we said hello.
449
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,274
Case number 89.
450
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,114
Case number 89!
451
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,016
Ooh, 89, that's me.
Here sit down.
452
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,084
Didn't I tell you to tell me
when it's gonna happen.
453
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,420
JUDGE:
Oh... you.
454
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:54,754
Officer,
455
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,057
tell me what
happened.
Yes, Your Honor.
456
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,026
Uh, on the date
in question,
457
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:00,560
I clocked
the defendant here,
458
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:02,495
doing 32 miles an hour
in a 25
459
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,264
mile an hour
zone.
Mmm.
460
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,733
And when I approached
the vehicle, she unleashed
461
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,468
a torrent
of obscenities
462
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:10,103
and I, honestly, I was
personally offended.
463
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:10,737
What?!
464
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,739
Ma'am.
Oh.
465
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:14,174
Your highness...
466
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,176
Your Honor, ma'am.
467
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,011
Oh, I'm sorry,
Your Honor.
468
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:22,149
Now, I know the officer
may have clocked me doing 32,
469
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:23,283
but I know
I wasn't.
470
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,285
Yes, so let me get
this straight--
471
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,287
you want me to take your word
472
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,456
versus the word of a sworn
officer of the law.
473
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,191
Yes.
474
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,193
Okay, do you have
any other witnesses?
475
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,762
Nope.
476
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,397
Nope.
Guilty.
477
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:38,465
Okay, wait, wait,
478
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,200
in-in that,
in that case...
479
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,435
I-I, I'm throwing myself
480
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:45,072
at, at, at the mercy
of the court.
481
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:46,739
I have been
482
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:49,142
such a very bad girl and,
483
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:52,045
and, and I deserve
to be punished.
484
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:53,146
Ow.
485
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,647
I know this.
486
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:55,782
That's what I'm doing.
487
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,585
50 days or $50.
488
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:00,253
No, come on,
Judge!
489
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:02,089
I, okay, okay, wait, wait, wait.
490
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,723
I-I-I promise you
I wasn't speeding.
491
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:08,328
Ma'am, everyone who came in here
today said the same thing.
492
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,097
Whether they
were going 32
493
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:13,066
in a 25 or 37 in a 30
494
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,068
or a 62 in a 55.
495
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:15,835
"I wasn't guilty,"
496
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,737
"I didn't see
the sign!"
497
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,106
"I'm a law abiding citizen!"
498
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,340
"I didn't do nothing wrong!"
499
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,375
Did you just hear yourself?
500
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:23,543
Wait, wait a minute.
501
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,545
Did, did it ever occur to you
502
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,548
that everybody
that came in here today
503
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:30,217
just so happened
504
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:33,586
to be going seven miles exactly
over the speed limit.
505
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,422
Not two,
not ten
506
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:36,389
not 12,
507
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:39,192
but one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven.
508
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,193
Seven, everybody.
509
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,694
Officer,
510
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,597
do you have the calibration
report for your radar gun
511
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:45,765
on the day in question?
512
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:47,500
Uh...
513
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,536
no I don't.
Mmm.
514
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,174
Case dismissed.
515
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:55,708
Aw.
Ha! Yes!
516
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,210
In your face!
517
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:57,844
(cheering)
518
00:17:57,877 --> 00:17:59,779
Five! Gimme five!
519
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:01,248
(rapidly banging gavel)
520
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:02,115
Silence!
521
00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:03,516
Hey!
Woo!
522
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:04,751
I'm sorry.
This is a
courtroom!
523
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:06,219
I'm sorry.
Not an end zone.
524
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:07,454
I'm sorry, Your highness,
Your Honor.
525
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,156
And for your little dance,
526
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:10,757
I fine you in contempt of court.
527
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,259
That will be $80, please.
528
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:14,261
Damn it!
529
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:17,330
After a day behind
the wheel of a car,
530
00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:19,832
I had been popular,
I had been terrified,
531
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,135
and I was ready
to get back on the bus.
532
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,872
Oh, no.
533
00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,778
Hey, kid!
534
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,780
Hey!
535
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,782
A little young to be
driving, ain't you?
536
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:38,618
I'm just listening to
the radio, officer.
537
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:41,254
There's only one reason
the police in Brooklyn
538
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:44,591
would pass up the chance
to bust a black kid in a car,
539
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,759
two black kids in a car.
540
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,762
(siren blaring)
541
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,798
(car tires squealing)
542
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:53,800
How'd it go in court?
543
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:54,834
I won.
544
00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,836
Just like I told you
I would, Julius.
545
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,205
You did?
Mm-hmm.
546
00:18:58,238 --> 00:18:59,239
I told you I wasn't speeding.
547
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:01,174
I proved my case.
548
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:04,811
Then she got fined $80
for contempt of court
549
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,213
for doing a victory dance.
550
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,780
Did anybody ask you that?
551
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,716
My dad was barely
done lying down
552
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:10,950
when I started lining it up.
553
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,185
Hey, Chris,
554
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:12,919
any problem moving the car?
555
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,321
No, it moved fine.
556
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:15,855
No trouble finding a spot?
557
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:16,956
No, it was simple.
558
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,191
Aah.
559
00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:19,226
Well, thanks.
560
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:20,327
You really helped me out.
561
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,295
After all that had happened,
562
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:24,864
I kept thinking about
how my dad had trusted me.
563
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:27,334
Even though I had managed
to get the car back home
564
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:28,601
without him knowing,
565
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:31,938
it seemed like the right thing
to do was tell the truth.
566
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:33,240
Dad?
567
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:34,241
Yeah, son.
568
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,942
I have a confession.
569
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,544
I drove your car
to school today.
570
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:40,213
You what?
571
00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:41,548
I'm sorry.
572
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:42,782
I really am.
573
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:45,318
Son, I'm very
disappointed in you.
574
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:47,620
But as long as you're safe...
575
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:50,223
that's all that really matters.
576
00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:51,691
Thanks, Dad.
577
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:53,960
But one more thing...
578
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,328
Yes, Dad?
579
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:56,963
(screaming)
580
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,832
Since I got the car home
and nobody got hurt,
581
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:02,702
I figured the best thing to do
was to keep it to myself
582
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:05,238
and never do anything
like that again.
583
00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:06,373
ALL:
Amen.
584
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:07,807
Well...
585
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,876
well, next Friday, Chris,
I'll let you move it again.
586
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,844
Cool.
Where'd you park it?
587
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:13,980
Across the street.
588
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:17,517
(mechanical whirring)
589
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,022
* Everybody hates Chris.
590
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:26,259
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