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Previously on "American Dad"...
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Babe, where's my hat?
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Wait, this isn't my hat.
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I'm lost without my hat!
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00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,688
Don't shut me out, Jeff!
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Our new life begins today.
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Welcome to Lids. I'm Parker.
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What can I help you find today?
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00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:43,975
That's right.
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00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:46,510
Tonight, your questions
are finally answered.
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00:00:46,512 --> 00:00:51,383
Tonight, you find out what
happened with Jeff's hat!
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00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,985
This episode takes place
right after that episode
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00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:58,523
where Jeff lost his hat
and before he gets it back.
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He doesn't buy that one.
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00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:05,626
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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00:01:05,661 --> 00:01:09,067
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:12,070
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
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00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:16,742
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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Aah!
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:33,958
Check it out!
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I found my old high school yearbook!
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00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:37,361
Wait, you're from a different planet,
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00:01:37,363 --> 00:01:41,032
but you went to "high school"
and had a "yearbook?"
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00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:45,437
Captain of the JV lacrosse
team two years in a row.
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00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:48,306
Wow, this is taking me back.
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Wow.
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00:01:49,709 --> 00:01:54,246
Wow, wow, wow, wow. Oh, wow!
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Oh, my God!
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Wow.
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Wow!
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Oh, my God. Wow what?
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00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,387
Oh, nothing. Just reminiscing.
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00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:06,591
He wanted me to ask!
I know you wanted me to ask!
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00:02:07,729 --> 00:02:09,061
My senior portrait!
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"Live fast and
leave a dope-ass footprint."
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Is that your senior quote?
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00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:16,868
Great long-distance reading, Mom!
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00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,471
Yeah, I put that in there
to always remind me
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00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:20,939
why I didn't just take a job
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00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,875
working at my uncle
Rizbo's space gas station.
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00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,611
They really call it a space gas station?
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00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:29,147
What would you call a
place that sells space gas?
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Uncle R wanted me bad,
but I thought I was destined
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for greater things.
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I don't know,
I thought I was gonna make a mark,
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but when I think about it,
what have I actually done?
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What are you talking about?
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00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:42,894
You've been a senator,
a wedding planner.
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You were essentially a cop.
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That's essentially true.
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Your footprint is crazy dope, bro!
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But I didn't do those things,
my personas did.
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If the losers from my high school
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try to look me up they won't find Roger,
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they'll find Reaganomics Lamborghini,
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00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:01,580
or Twill Ongenbone, or Ricky Spanish.
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00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,183
Doesn't someone usually...
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Sorry, sorry, I was ripping a clove.
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Ricky Spanish.
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I know exactly how you feel, Roger.
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Everything I've done for the CIA?
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Completely anonymous.
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I skinned a warlord alive,
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but you won't read about
that in the papers.
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Do you want people to read about that?
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00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,139
Oh, my God! None of you understand me!
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00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:30,274
I do, Stan! This started out
as my thing, remember?
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Oh, yeah! Come on, Roger.
Let's eat somewhere else.
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This lady always gets
my order wrong anyway.
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It's Hayley.
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She says Jeff needs us.
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Is this the hat thing?
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Bet your ass it is.
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Let's roll.
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Roger, where are we?
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Bruncha Nonsense!
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Langley's hottest party brunch spot!
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And we're here because they
have bottomless mimosas!
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And if we're gonna figure out
how to leave a footprint behind,
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we're gonna need drinks. Oh, shit!
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The drag show is starting.
Don't make eye contact.
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00:04:00,174 --> 00:04:02,907
Stop me if I try to top
them and embarrass myself
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00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,043
by doing the splits,
which I'm not even good at
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00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:06,845
because of my little meatball legs.
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Just make today about me for once!
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Hayley! We came as soon as we could.
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- What's the status?
- Zero progress.
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00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:22,393
Jeff's been staring at
these hats for six hours.
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00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:24,863
- Oh, the poor thing.
- You can do this, buddy.
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00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:25,865
Ask for a fedora!
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00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,198
What's happening here?
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He's trying to pick a new hat.
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00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,202
Oh, wow. Huge.
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Yeah, sorry, I'm not coming.
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Let me know if we have a boy or a girl.
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Love you, bye!
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Okay, if we want
to leave a big footprint,
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we need a big idea.
102
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:45,416
Oh! What if we get the city council
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to turn that abandoned lot by the mall
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into a park for kids?
105
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:50,955
Yes! And maybe at night it
can be for drug addicts?
106
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,757
Sure! And we can put our names on it!
107
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Stan and Roger park!
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Amazing!
Except... Except it sounds hard.
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Is there anything easier?
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00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:01,433
Hmm. Easier would be easier.
111
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:06,304
You know what all these
mimosas make me want to do?
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00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,907
Go to a taping of "Morning Mimosa."
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00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,375
Ooh! Do you think we're drunk enough?
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They ask that you be pretty drunk.
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♪ There's a whole lot of rhythm
goin' 'round ♪
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I told you we were drunk enough!
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00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:17,115
We're not as drunk as Trish.
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00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,584
♪ We want the funk ♪
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♪ Give up the funk ♪
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00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,120
♪ Oh, we need the funk ♪
121
00:05:23,011 --> 00:05:24,723
Stan, I thought of a footprint idea.
122
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:28,727
What's the one thing I can do
that everyone will remember?
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00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,995
Win the Stanley cup?
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00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,064
Reveal myself as an alien!
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00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,534
Perfect! But what about the CIA?
126
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:38,669
They'll arrest you and
use you for esper-i-mints.
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00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:41,940
Ah, yeah. I forget
they're after me sometimes.
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00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,674
Me too. I go through long stretches
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00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:45,276
where I don't even think about it.
130
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:48,213
You know what's crazy?
I see Bullock all the time.
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00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,481
I have a persona that
plays poker with him,
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00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:52,483
one that's on a bowling team with him.
133
00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:54,953
We've been on nine
different hinge dates.
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00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:56,487
He always asks for a ride home
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so he can make a move in the car.
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00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:00,091
What a skeeze.
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00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,761
Good tactic, though.
Usually works on me.
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00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,235
Stan, I figured it out.
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00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:13,704
When I reveal myself, you "catch" me.
140
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,774
Then you tell everyone you killed me,
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and I go back in the attic!
142
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,777
Of course!
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00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,245
You're earth's first alien,
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00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:21,980
and I'd be the man who killed him!
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Footprint City, USA!
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00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,317
Aye aye, captain!
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00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:30,455
Captain? Did you draw on my face again?
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It's no use. It's permanent.
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You got to wait for the
skin to die and flake off.
150
00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:39,664
So, we've got a big idea,
and now we need a big audience.
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00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:41,132
We need a TV show.
152
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,534
Yes! But how do we get one?
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00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:44,669
That's the easy part.
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00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:46,605
You ever heard of Brandon Tartikoff?
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NBC president from 1981 to 1991?
Rings a bell.
156
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:54,212
Legend has it that the idea for
"Miami Vice" came from
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00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:58,483
Brandon writing "MTV cops"
on a cocktail napkin.
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00:06:58,485 --> 00:06:59,818
- Is that true?
- Probably not.
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00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,552
Even so, all we have to do
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00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:04,956
is put the right combination
of words on a napkin
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00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,492
and we'll be in television heaven.
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00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:08,693
"Tax cops."
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Excuse me.
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I am a successful television executive,
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00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:15,967
and I believe that napkin
is going to be a hit show!
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00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:16,969
Can I buy it?
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00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,169
- Deal!
- Excellent.
168
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,904
Nice to meet you, I'm Tony Vengeance.
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00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:21,172
Wow, great name.
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00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:23,107
Stan Smith. And this is...
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You're gonna like this,
he's usually got great names.
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- Stan Matthews.
- Really?
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Stan one and Stan two, love it!
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00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:33,318
I'll see you Stans in Hollywood!
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Where you'll make so much money
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you could buy a real eye patch!
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00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:39,524
And you can buy a nose!
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00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:40,992
A real nose?
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00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,462
I can almost smell it!
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00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,664
Footprint City, here we come!
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00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,132
Stan Matthews?
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00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,134
Yeah, Dave Matthews' brother.
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00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,401
Oh, wow.
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00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:52,203
And that is why I don't lead with it.
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00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:55,507
Stan Matthews likes to make
his own way in the world.
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00:07:57,105 --> 00:07:59,011
There are 1,500 IRS agents
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00:07:59,025 --> 00:08:00,379
in the state of Virginia.
188
00:08:00,465 --> 00:08:03,281
These are their stories.
189
00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:04,282
_
190
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:06,083
_
191
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:08,720
Everyone pays taxes, dirt bag!
192
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:11,723
Easy! He's rich! The rules don't apply!
193
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,463
He's shooting at us!
194
00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:21,065
Good! The windshield is a write-off!
195
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,870
I know this guy is lying on his taxes,
196
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:27,138
I just don't know how!
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The numbers!
198
00:08:28,142 --> 00:08:30,342
The answer is always the numbers!
199
00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:32,210
Got him.
200
00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:38,816
What does this guy want?
201
00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:41,219
Revenge. I busted him for claiming
202
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,887
a boa constrictor as a dependent.
203
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:43,889
That snake!
204
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,227
Ma'am, I'm afraid I have bad news.
205
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,834
I don't know, partner.
206
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:58,503
Sometimes it feels like all
we do is look for write-offs.
207
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:02,707
When what we should be doing
is looking for right-ons.
208
00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:05,577
You're killing it, Stans!
209
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:09,181
12 episodes aired,
and an Emmy for best new show!
210
00:09:09,183 --> 00:09:11,783
The network is so pleased
that they've decided to air
211
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,918
the finale after the Super Bowl!
212
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,053
After the Super Bowl?!
213
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:19,991
Not only that,
but we're gonna do the episode live!
214
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:25,597
Well, I'll leave you two
to your creative process.
215
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:28,666
Heavens to Betsy!
Our plan is working, Stan!
216
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:30,534
Oh, I got you something to commemorate
217
00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:33,938
the footprint we're gonna
make when we drop the a-bomb!
218
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,407
Do you mean alien bomb?
219
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:36,941
Exactly!
220
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:39,343
And the finale is the
perfect place to drop it.
221
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:41,213
Yeah, totally, totally.
222
00:09:41,215 --> 00:09:42,881
Doesn't want to open his gift.
223
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:46,484
That's fine. Friendship is
best celebrated alone, I guess.
224
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:48,552
Unless he thinks it's for Christmas!
225
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,823
Listen up, gang.
The network just told me
226
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,826
our finale is going to air
live after the Super Bowl!
227
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,428
- I need ideas.
- Ideas?
228
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,162
Aren't we locked in with the a-bomb?
229
00:09:58,164 --> 00:09:59,497
Maybe, but let's keep it open
230
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,433
until the staff has
a chance to weigh in.
231
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:03,701
Maybe we do an episode
shot entirely from
232
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:05,103
the perspective of a tax return?
233
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,371
And like half the episode
is just hearing voices
234
00:10:07,373 --> 00:10:08,573
from inside an envelope?
235
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,442
- That's good, Finchy!
- Stan, I don't...
236
00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:12,244
I don't think that works
with the "thing."
237
00:10:12,246 --> 00:10:15,113
- What thing?
- The big reveal.
238
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,048
The big alien reveal?
239
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:18,316
The big alien reveal?!
240
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,118
Are we tackling the tax ramifications
241
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,319
of illegal immigration?
242
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,054
No. Can I talk to you outside?
243
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,389
But write that down, Andrew.
Something for next season.
244
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,259
I'm not afraid to tell the truth.
245
00:10:27,907 --> 00:10:29,927
Look, Roger, I know the original idea
246
00:10:29,979 --> 00:10:32,914
was the whole "alien thing,"
but I really feel like
247
00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:35,183
that's not the story
we're telling anymore.
248
00:10:35,185 --> 00:10:36,718
That's the only story!
249
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,720
Totally, and we've got that
in our back pocket, for sure.
250
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:42,123
But I've been thinking,
what if Audit Dogs is our footprint?
251
00:10:42,125 --> 00:10:45,727
Why do Sci-Fi alien stuff when
we can say something real?
252
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:48,863
It's not Sci-Fi, Stan. It's my life.
253
00:10:48,865 --> 00:10:51,199
If it has aliens, it's Sci-Fi,
even if it's real.
254
00:10:51,201 --> 00:10:53,801
Why would we pivot when we're
just scratching the surface
255
00:10:53,803 --> 00:10:56,604
of the racist origins of
the Virginia tax code?
256
00:10:56,606 --> 00:10:58,005
Come on, Roger, we won an Emmy!
257
00:10:58,007 --> 00:11:00,141
I didn't! Stan Matthews did,
258
00:11:00,143 --> 00:11:02,810
and that's the worst persona
name I've ever come up with!
259
00:11:02,812 --> 00:11:04,812
You added Esquire. That's pretty funny.
260
00:11:04,814 --> 00:11:06,948
Yeah, well Roger still needs to make
261
00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:08,282
his footprint somehow!
262
00:11:08,284 --> 00:11:10,785
And I'm gonna do something about it!
263
00:11:11,175 --> 00:11:12,780
_
264
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:14,822
Babe, you can do this.
265
00:11:14,824 --> 00:11:16,824
Parker's trying to help you.
266
00:11:16,826 --> 00:11:19,027
You got to sack up and trust him.
267
00:11:19,029 --> 00:11:21,029
He put us all in great hats.
268
00:11:21,031 --> 00:11:22,830
He can do that for you.
269
00:11:22,832 --> 00:11:24,632
What is happening here?
270
00:11:24,634 --> 00:11:26,100
He's trying to pick a new hat.
271
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,435
Did he try that blue one?
272
00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:30,504
He did. No go.
273
00:11:30,506 --> 00:11:32,373
Is that a talking fish?
274
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:35,309
Welcome back.
275
00:11:35,311 --> 00:11:38,179
We're very excited to
bring on our next guests,
276
00:11:38,181 --> 00:11:40,715
the creators and stars of "Audit Dogs",
277
00:11:40,717 --> 00:11:43,451
Stan Smith and Stan Matthews!
278
00:11:48,097 --> 00:11:49,857
Welcome, Stans!
279
00:11:49,859 --> 00:11:52,860
- Now, your show is very good.
- Thank you.
280
00:11:52,862 --> 00:11:54,796
But you're not here to talk about that.
281
00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:59,333
Stan two, we're told you have
something shocking to share.
282
00:11:59,335 --> 00:12:00,668
No, don't do this.
283
00:12:00,670 --> 00:12:04,405
Trish and Suze, I am not Stan Matthews.
284
00:12:04,407 --> 00:12:05,807
I'm not even a man.
285
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:06,709
- I'm...
- A dog?
286
00:12:06,734 --> 00:12:09,210
- No. I'm...
- Two dogs?
287
00:12:09,212 --> 00:12:10,344
Hold that thought!
288
00:12:10,346 --> 00:12:12,013
I'm being told by our producers
289
00:12:12,015 --> 00:12:14,616
that we're being pre-empted by the news!
290
00:12:14,618 --> 00:12:16,150
Ew.
291
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,620
Memphis Stormfront here
with breaking news.
292
00:12:18,622 --> 00:12:22,756
Mankind has made contact
with extraterrestrial life.
293
00:12:22,758 --> 00:12:26,227
An alien spacecraft has
landed in Langley Falls.
294
00:12:26,229 --> 00:12:27,229
What the...
295
00:12:27,230 --> 00:12:30,031
- I knew you'd try something like this.
- This is you?!
296
00:12:30,033 --> 00:12:32,967
We bring you there live...
297
00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:35,169
As he descends from his ship,
298
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:39,240
I wonder why he's chosen our
insignificant rock, earth.
299
00:12:39,242 --> 00:12:41,909
What wisdom hath he come to share?
300
00:12:46,079 --> 00:12:49,183
Oh, well. Probably for the best.
He looked weird.
301
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:52,053
This will surely be the first
of many aliens to visit earth,
302
00:12:52,055 --> 00:12:55,056
but who will care or
remember the next one?
303
00:12:55,058 --> 00:12:57,725
Now, back to "Morning Mimosa",
where I understand Trish
304
00:12:57,727 --> 00:13:00,728
is interviewing a dog, or possibly two.
305
00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:01,929
Another alien?!
306
00:13:01,931 --> 00:13:03,798
Are you shitting me right now?!
307
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,867
Ugh, I knew you were gonna harp on this.
308
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:07,802
Because being the first alien here
309
00:13:07,804 --> 00:13:10,138
was my last shot at leaving a footprint!
310
00:13:10,140 --> 00:13:13,541
And you took that away from me,
for your precious show.
311
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:14,876
Goodbye forever, Stan.
312
00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:17,411
I'm packing my things and leaving earth!
313
00:13:17,413 --> 00:13:18,546
This is a mistake!
314
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:20,882
We're making "The Wire", but good!
315
00:13:25,088 --> 00:13:27,889
Jiminy Weasel! Is that a weal wocket?
316
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:29,658
That's a model, kid.
317
00:13:29,734 --> 00:13:31,926
Yeah, sure buddy.
318
00:13:43,707 --> 00:13:46,841
[BLEEP] knew it was a real rocket.
319
00:13:46,843 --> 00:13:48,109
Goodbye, earth.
320
00:13:48,111 --> 00:13:51,645
You may not remember me,
but I'll never forget you.
321
00:13:53,183 --> 00:13:56,318
Sorry, kid, didn't realize
there was anyone else on here.
322
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,985
Don't freak out, but I'm an alien.
323
00:13:57,987 --> 00:14:00,922
Well, then don't you have
your own space ship?
324
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:04,526
Oh, crap. It was a really good one, too.
325
00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:14,903
I'm real happy to finally have
you working for me, Roger.
326
00:14:14,905 --> 00:14:17,438
I think this is gonna be great!
327
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,973
Me too, uncle Rizbo!
328
00:14:18,975 --> 00:14:20,508
You know, I was obsessed with making
329
00:14:20,510 --> 00:14:22,577
a massive footprint on the universe.
330
00:14:22,579 --> 00:14:25,113
But now I realize I'll
be perfectly happy
331
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:27,448
making a smaller,
yet equally important footprint,
332
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:31,252
at this dingy gas station
with basically zero customers.
333
00:14:31,254 --> 00:14:32,853
I do have one question, though.
334
00:14:32,855 --> 00:14:34,989
How do you keep from killing yourself?
335
00:14:35,912 --> 00:14:39,994
My advice is to just take
it one space day at a time.
336
00:14:39,996 --> 00:14:42,463
You know what? Maybe I can do that.
337
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:45,866
Which is 17 million earth years.
338
00:14:45,868 --> 00:14:47,936
Well, I'll leave you to it.
339
00:14:47,938 --> 00:14:51,606
But two questions.
Is that a human, and can I eat him?
340
00:14:51,608 --> 00:14:55,009
Ooh. I'm a hot commodity up here.
341
00:14:55,011 --> 00:14:57,946
Okay, Stan two is gone,
and we need to recast.
342
00:14:57,948 --> 00:14:59,614
I'm thinking either a super hot lady
343
00:14:59,616 --> 00:15:02,216
or Bobby Moynihan,
but I'm open to ideas.
344
00:15:02,218 --> 00:15:04,552
What if your new partner
345
00:15:04,554 --> 00:15:07,021
is a talking helicopter?
346
00:15:07,023 --> 00:15:08,889
How would I hear it
talk over the rotors?
347
00:15:08,891 --> 00:15:10,491
- Subtitles?
- Don't take this
348
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,560
the wrong way, but you have bad ideas.
349
00:15:12,562 --> 00:15:14,829
Ugh, where did the good ideas come from?
350
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:16,531
Where did this present come from?
351
00:15:18,635 --> 00:15:22,971
"Dear Stan, thank you for
making a footprint with me."
352
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:26,507
"When I gazed down at the beach,
353
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:28,509
"there was only one pair of footprints,
354
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,945
when there should've been two."
355
00:15:33,650 --> 00:15:35,383
There should've been two!
356
00:15:35,385 --> 00:15:37,051
I have to rewrite the finale.
357
00:15:37,053 --> 00:15:38,586
- Can we go home?
- No.
358
00:15:38,588 --> 00:15:40,921
I need to get a copy
of the finale to space.
359
00:15:40,923 --> 00:15:43,391
Which means I need you all
to build me a rocket ship.
360
00:15:43,393 --> 00:15:45,326
How are we supposed to do that?
361
00:15:45,328 --> 00:15:48,062
You're television writers,
the smartest people in the world.
362
00:15:48,064 --> 00:15:49,998
Figure it out.
363
00:15:52,134 --> 00:15:54,735
There's only one hat left.
This has got to be it!
364
00:15:54,737 --> 00:15:56,404
Oh, this one's fabulous.
365
00:15:56,406 --> 00:15:58,807
If he doesn't want it, I'm buying it.
366
00:15:59,612 --> 00:16:02,276
No! None of these hats will do!
367
00:16:02,278 --> 00:16:04,545
But there are no more hats.
368
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,613
Yes, there is.
369
00:16:05,615 --> 00:16:08,349
But only one hat can make me whole.
370
00:16:08,351 --> 00:16:11,019
I know what I must do.
371
00:16:11,021 --> 00:16:13,621
I must go on a quest.
372
00:16:13,623 --> 00:16:17,625
A quest to find my actual hat!
373
00:16:19,095 --> 00:16:21,029
A quest? I'm in!
374
00:16:21,031 --> 00:16:24,432
But Mr. Klaus, it could be dangerous.
375
00:16:24,434 --> 00:16:25,700
Really? Why?
376
00:16:25,702 --> 00:16:27,568
Who cares about danger?
377
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,970
My babe needs his hat.
378
00:16:29,972 --> 00:16:32,973
Stan one! I read the new finale.
379
00:16:32,975 --> 00:16:33,975
Pretty great, right?
380
00:16:33,976 --> 00:16:35,576
Oh, yeah, very great.
381
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:38,112
The greatest! The best greatest!
382
00:16:38,114 --> 00:16:41,916
One sort of macro note. It's terrible...
383
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,184
Ly great?
384
00:16:43,186 --> 00:16:44,719
Usually the show has a ton of action,
385
00:16:44,721 --> 00:16:46,787
but this is just two
characters talking about
386
00:16:46,789 --> 00:16:48,523
"footprints" in a diner.
387
00:16:48,525 --> 00:16:51,059
Also, everyone keeps talking
about someone named Roger.
388
00:16:51,061 --> 00:16:52,927
Who is that? Who the [BLEEP] is Roger?
389
00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:54,529
My best friend.
390
00:16:54,531 --> 00:16:56,731
Oh. Look, if you do this episode,
391
00:16:56,733 --> 00:16:58,599
your audience is gonna be very confused.
392
00:16:58,601 --> 00:16:59,868
It could ruin the show.
393
00:16:59,870 --> 00:17:01,670
There are things I'm trying
to say to our audience,
394
00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:02,871
and to Roger.
395
00:17:02,873 --> 00:17:04,539
- Your best friend Roger?
- Yes.
396
00:17:04,541 --> 00:17:06,207
If losing the show is the price
397
00:17:06,209 --> 00:17:08,142
of getting my friend back, I'll pay it.
398
00:17:08,144 --> 00:17:10,278
Okay, you are the writer.
399
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,813
I am just a humble television executive,
400
00:17:12,815 --> 00:17:16,417
here to support your
vision no matter what.
401
00:17:16,419 --> 00:17:17,952
I do have six pages of notes.
402
00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,820
It's mostly just stream of
consciousness descriptions
403
00:17:19,822 --> 00:17:22,623
of what I think unicorns
are up to in real life.
404
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,225
Take it or leave it.
405
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,963
How are you watching Audit Dogs?
406
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,765
Oh, we get earth television up here.
407
00:17:30,767 --> 00:17:32,032
Just like in "Contact."
408
00:17:32,034 --> 00:17:33,434
- You ever see that movie?
- No.
409
00:17:33,436 --> 00:17:37,105
So you're just another
fraud at space camp.
410
00:17:38,108 --> 00:17:40,641
I thought being audit
dogs was our legacy?
411
00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:42,711
No, we're not audit dogs.
412
00:17:42,713 --> 00:17:44,378
We're Stan and Roger!
413
00:17:44,380 --> 00:17:48,016
And when you left,
I remembered all the things we've done.
414
00:18:00,797 --> 00:18:02,797
I realized there was a hole in my heart
415
00:18:02,799 --> 00:18:05,466
where your foot had been
because the footprints
416
00:18:05,468 --> 00:18:08,069
that matter are the ones you
leave on your loved ones.
417
00:18:08,071 --> 00:18:10,805
And you've left a Shaquille O'Neal-sized
418
00:18:10,807 --> 00:18:12,607
footprint on my heart.
419
00:18:12,609 --> 00:18:14,075
Wow.
420
00:18:14,077 --> 00:18:15,744
This show sucks now.
421
00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:18,747
Stan always talked about
having something to say.
422
00:18:18,749 --> 00:18:20,715
Was that it?
423
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,285
Yo, can I get your bathroom key?
424
00:18:25,289 --> 00:18:28,289
Is this an Emmy? From earth?
425
00:18:28,291 --> 00:18:29,557
Yeah, how do you know that?
426
00:18:29,559 --> 00:18:31,159
I'm a major intergalactic
movie producer.
427
00:18:31,161 --> 00:18:33,161
I've won all sorts of awards!
428
00:18:33,163 --> 00:18:34,695
But an Emmy from earth?
429
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:37,365
That's the top, baby! This is yours?
430
00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:39,700
Yeah, I used to make
this show "Audit Dogs."
431
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:40,835
No shit!
432
00:18:40,837 --> 00:18:42,570
Oh, yeah, I did lots of stuff on earth.
433
00:18:42,572 --> 00:18:45,306
I'd dress up as different
people and do whatever I wanted.
434
00:18:45,308 --> 00:18:47,708
I was a senator, a yoga instructor,
435
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:48,977
I had a bunch of sex.
436
00:18:48,979 --> 00:18:52,447
Oh, man, sex feels
soooo good down on earth!
437
00:18:52,449 --> 00:18:54,182
- Not like here.
- Wow!
438
00:18:54,184 --> 00:18:56,317
Your story is incredible.
439
00:18:56,319 --> 00:18:58,319
I'd love to make it into a movie.
440
00:18:58,324 --> 00:18:59,854
- Really?
- Oh, yeah!
441
00:18:59,856 --> 00:19:01,389
And I think you should star!
442
00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:04,125
This is gonna be huge,
and everyone in the universe
443
00:19:04,127 --> 00:19:06,127
is gonna know your name!
444
00:19:06,129 --> 00:19:07,662
Heavens to Betsy!
445
00:19:07,664 --> 00:19:09,197
You know,
another thing for the movie is that
446
00:19:09,199 --> 00:19:11,666
- I had this human family...
- And you didn't eat them?
447
00:19:11,668 --> 00:19:13,534
Oh, no, I loved them too much.
448
00:19:13,536 --> 00:19:16,537
I'd come home to them and share
everything I did that day.
449
00:19:16,539 --> 00:19:18,206
And the dad was this great guy
450
00:19:18,208 --> 00:19:22,143
who would think this movie
thing was so cool and... and...
451
00:19:22,145 --> 00:19:24,212
♪ Roger ♪
452
00:19:24,214 --> 00:19:28,016
♪ Roger ♪
453
00:19:28,018 --> 00:19:32,286
♪ Our footprint is real ♪
454
00:19:32,288 --> 00:19:34,222
They gave you an Emmy for this?
455
00:19:34,224 --> 00:19:36,891
Hey, he's stealing my ship!
456
00:19:36,893 --> 00:19:39,160
Oh, sweet! A human boy!
457
00:19:39,162 --> 00:19:40,961
I'm starving!
458
00:19:40,963 --> 00:19:42,497
Aah!
459
00:19:42,499 --> 00:19:45,133
And I'll save the bottom half for later.
460
00:19:45,141 --> 00:19:48,036
Who am I kidding?
I'm gonna eat it all now.
461
00:19:48,629 --> 00:19:50,238
- Roger!
- Stan!
462
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,641
I got what I wanted,
a chance to leave a real footprint!
463
00:19:53,643 --> 00:19:57,578
But it felt empty,
and I realized the real footprint
464
00:19:57,580 --> 00:19:59,980
is the one you leave on those you love.
465
00:19:59,982 --> 00:20:02,250
So you got the message I
put in the show for you?
466
00:20:02,252 --> 00:20:03,984
Oh, is that what you were trying to say?
467
00:20:03,986 --> 00:20:07,722
Anyway, I can't wait to get
back to work on "Audit Dogs."
468
00:20:07,724 --> 00:20:09,123
We got cancelled.
469
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,726
Also our entire writing staff
died in a freak rocket accident.
470
00:20:11,774 --> 00:20:13,994
Oh, that's too bad. I liked Finchy.
471
00:20:13,996 --> 00:20:16,330
He smelled good. Where is everybody?
472
00:20:16,332 --> 00:20:17,598
Francine left a voice mail.
473
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,333
Said something about Jeff and a quest.
474
00:20:19,335 --> 00:20:21,269
Oh, this must be the hat thing.
475
00:20:21,271 --> 00:20:24,272
Really makes our problems seem small.
476
00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:35,550
Our plan is working purrrr-fectly.
477
00:20:35,552 --> 00:20:38,018
Without his hat,
Jeff will lose his mind,
478
00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:40,889
and Hayley will have no
choice but to leave him.
479
00:20:40,891 --> 00:20:44,893
Then she'll be single,
and we can ask her out.
480
00:20:48,298 --> 00:20:49,564
'Zooka sharks!
481
00:20:49,566 --> 00:20:53,101
Is the bathroom... Hey, is that my hat?
482
00:20:53,103 --> 00:20:55,169
- Uh...
- Thanks, dude!
483
00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:58,439
Hey guys! The quest is done, man!
484
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,875
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
485
00:21:02,463 --> 00:21:04,287
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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