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1
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:11,803
[Lana] Archer, do something.
2
00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:13,346
[Archer] Sure thing, Lana.
3
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:14,472
Oh, wait, I can't,
4
00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:17,684
because I left my lightsaber
in my other space pants!
5
00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:20,103
-Don't yell at me. This was your idea!
-What?
6
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:23,106
Remind me, when was it that I said,
"Guys, great idea."
7
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:26,276
"Let's get shanghaied
to go live on frickin' mars"?
8
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:29,112
-Keep moving.
-Make me-- Ow!
9
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:31,197
[chuckling] He said, "Meow."
10
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:34,743
Moving, yes, and how can I help you
not ever do that again plea--
11
00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:35,785
-[groans]
-Get in there.
12
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,412
In here sounds great.
13
00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:41,291
Are the cuffs really necessary?
14
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,293
Archer broke both of Wu's arms.
15
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:46,129
-He what?
-While shouting, "Whoo."
16
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,505
Happy coincidence.
17
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,883
Mr. Archer, do I have to sedate you?
18
00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:52,552
-Well, I wouldn't say no to a drink.
-Archer.
19
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:55,430
What, you want one?
Okay, can we get two, um,
20
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,099
my tongue says Sangrita,
but my heart says…
21
00:00:58,183 --> 00:00:59,350
-Archer!
-…Michelada.
22
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:02,020
-You realize this is kidnapping!
-I do, yes.
23
00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:05,273
-And do you realize you're insane?
-Well, he wouldn't, by definition.
24
00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:06,483
What's more insane?
25
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:10,403
Suffering through famine,
war, disease on a dying Earth?
26
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:13,114
Or creating a utopia on Mars?
27
00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:15,867
Um, using me as your brood sow?
28
00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:18,703
No, not-- Well, okay, yes. Technically,
29
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:22,707
but we searched for so long to find
the perfect human female specimen.
30
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,001
Well, that's flattering… ish.
31
00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:28,797
And with your morphology, your IQ,
your medical history--
32
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,590
How'd you get my medical records?
33
00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:31,925
Don't judge me on the how…
34
00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:34,761
until you see the why.
35
00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:38,181
Oh, Krieger-san. I never judge you!
36
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,350
Well, your mother sure as hell does!
37
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:41,976
How isn't important.
38
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,771
-What is important--
-…is you hired ISIS
39
00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:47,690
just so Lana could pump out
a bunch of Martian babies?
40
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:50,735
Well, only if by "Martian" you mean
"born on Mars,"
41
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:53,113
not actual alien life forms.
42
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,322
Oh. Whatever.
43
00:01:54,405 --> 00:01:57,117
Either way, my point is
this whole thing is Lana's fault.
44
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,952
-What?
-And since you obviously don't need
45
00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:01,037
-any more dudes on Mars--
-Archer!
46
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:05,291
Lana, the penis to your vagina ratio
around here is creepy enough already!
47
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,085
So, why not let us three go,
48
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:09,087
-and--
-I'm afraid that's impossible.
49
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:11,256
-Or just me.
-Because even if we didn't need
50
00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:12,674
all the manpower we can get,
51
00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:14,926
there's no ship to take you back to Earth.
52
00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:16,594
Yeah, no, the shuttle, it's--
53
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,389
It's going to push the Horizon
into orbit above Mars
54
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:23,184
to serve as our base
while we begin the terraforming.
55
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:28,022
Which reminds me. Captain Kellogg,
there are three women on the intrepid.
56
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:31,651
Take a boarding party and bring them
back here to join their friends.
57
00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:33,528
Holy shitspace!
58
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:35,572
Hey, guys, we got a problem!
59
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:39,242
Duh! The party's starting
and this dress makes me look like a whore!
60
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:40,827
Oh, you don't look like an whore.
61
00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:42,662
An idiot, maybe.
62
00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:44,330
-What?
-[gasps] Or both.
63
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,374
Yes, a whordiot.
64
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:51,170
[theme music playing]
65
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:29,751
[Tony] Agent Kane… may I call you Lana?
66
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,502
You absolutely may not.
67
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:34,213
Fair enough, but I wish you'd reconsider.
68
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:36,424
You'd be much more comfortable
in my quarters.
69
00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:38,092
Ha! You'll have to sedate me.
70
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,969
Oh, no, no, no, no, we wouldn't do that.
71
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:43,932
We need you in peak physical condition
for this great undertaking of ours.
72
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:44,849
All of you.
73
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:47,727
So, wait, are we not doing drinks?
74
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:50,271
Ha! I'm not helping you terraform Mars!
75
00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:53,650
-I won't move one cup of dirt!
-Can we at least have beers?
76
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,568
Then you can join the, um,
77
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,613
well, we're calling them
"involuntary laborers."
78
00:03:58,696 --> 00:04:02,325
-Invo-- wait, you mean slaves?
-Oh, now he's indignant.
79
00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:05,161
Oh, please, all you have to do is
sit around all day getting laid!
80
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,081
Involuntary labor is
just a temporary measure.
81
00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:11,334
In a few generations,
after the colony is established,
82
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:12,585
we'll revisit the issue.
83
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:15,546
-In the meantime--
-…you can kiss three-fifths of my ass!
84
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,924
[Commander Kellogg]
Uh, Tony, we've got a problem.
85
00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:20,927
Ugh, what now? I'm on my way.
86
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,638
And the black guy's okay with this?
87
00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:24,681
-Ugh.
-What?
88
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:27,600
Oh, for-- how was that racist?
89
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:30,603
-It's just a temporary measure.
-I didn't say anything.
90
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,773
Hello, uh, miss?
This is Commander Kellogg.
91
00:04:33,856 --> 00:04:36,943
I need you to move the locking lever
from "manual" to "auto."
92
00:04:37,026 --> 00:04:39,404
[Pam] "Auto," got it. Moving the lever.
93
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:42,573
Uh, clunk. Did that do it?
94
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:44,200
Did you move the--
95
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,952
Boring conversation anyway.
96
00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:47,370
What the hell are you doing?
97
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:51,082
These nutsacks wanna take us to Mars
to be baby factories.
98
00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:54,002
-Really?
-What? I can't go live on Mars!
99
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,586
I just rented a summer house!
100
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,505
Really?
101
00:04:57,588 --> 00:04:59,924
-No.
-You just-- Oh, whatever.
102
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,176
Come on, we gotta figure
a way out of this.
103
00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:04,429
Or do we?
104
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:05,513
-[Archer] Yes!
-[Lana] No!
105
00:05:05,596 --> 00:05:08,224
And why is nobody else wearing
a T-shirt under their flight suit?
106
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:11,102
Because this thing feels amazing!
107
00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:14,522
I know, right?
It's like a vagina with a zipper.
108
00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:16,899
-Ew.
-Lana, trust me, this is the only way.
109
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,485
Ugh. All right. But turn around.
110
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:20,445
"Turn around"?
111
00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,947
It's not like
we haven't all seen them before.
112
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,157
Don't remind me.
113
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,576
[sighs] Okay. There.
114
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:29,287
Although I guess it has been a long time.
115
00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:31,331
-Meaning?
-Nothing,
116
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:34,667
just bet you're glad
we're in reduced gravity.
117
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:35,835
-[gasps]
-Well?
118
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:38,129
I didn't invent the ravages of time!
119
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:39,714
Okay, Ray, Cyril, get ready.
120
00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:42,717
Lana, uh, pretend it's five years ago.
121
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:46,304
I wish it was so I could murder you
before we ever dated.
122
00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:49,724
Uh, excuse me? Could I borrow you?
123
00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:52,185
No, you cannot borr-- Oh, my God.
124
00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:53,561
Yeah, right?
125
00:05:54,353 --> 00:05:56,355
Okay, what seems to be the--
126
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:57,774
-[whack]
-Ow, my eye!
127
00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,734
[Archer] Somebody get his goddamn gun!
128
00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:01,986
-[yelling and groaning]
-[Lana] Oh, for the love of--
129
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:05,323
-[Archer] Ow! You dick!
-[man yelling] Ow, my other eye!
130
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:08,367
-I'm almost certainly blind.
-Serves you right!
131
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:09,368
Anybody else hit?
132
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:11,370
-No, I'm good.
-Yeah, uh, me too.
133
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,955
That's because you hid, Cyril.
134
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,458
Otherwise, I think
that all went pretty great.
135
00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:16,626
-Right?
-[Lana] Really?
136
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:19,962
-[chuckles] Do you not?
-[in deep voice] "Do you not?"
137
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,547
-Just give me the damn--
-[ripping]
138
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:22,465
T-shirt.
139
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:24,050
Sorry. It's been commandeered.
140
00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,802
What the hell am I supposed to wear?
141
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:28,221
Uh… oh. Maybe this will work.
142
00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:31,682
Yeah, I think that totally works.
143
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:34,602
-Stole them from the gift shop.
-If you're done being an asshole,
144
00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:36,354
help me strip this guy so I can--
145
00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:37,396
-[alarm blares]
-What--
146
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,816
[computer] Security breach, pod six.
147
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,567
We gotta move. Come on.
148
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,236
-[grunts]
-Lana, let's go!
149
00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:45,488
Wait, let me just get-- Damn it!
150
00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:48,908
[grunting in effort]
151
00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:50,118
Ow!
152
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,161
[sighs]
153
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,038
Well, now they're droopier.
154
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:55,915
[exclaims in disappointment]
155
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:03,381
-[computer] Security breach, pod six.
-[Tony] No, no, no, now what?
156
00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:05,883
-Security breach, pod six.
-I heard you.
157
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:08,386
I don't care
if you have to use the plasma torch.
158
00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,096
Get this door open.
159
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:13,141
Security team, this is Commander Drake.
Converge on pod six.
160
00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:15,268
You heard him, get this door open.
161
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:17,270
Sure thing… bossman.
162
00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:19,480
Oh, my God, for the last time--
163
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:22,692
We can't… [slurps]
fight them off!
164
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:26,737
That's what Dad said when the bank man
came out to foreclose on the farm.
165
00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:28,781
And guess how that turned out.
166
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,533
You murdered a banker?
167
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:32,493
No, we got a loan modification.
168
00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:34,954
You think a bank wants to own
a failing dairy farm
169
00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:36,289
with obsolete milkers?
170
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,749
Oh, my God, speaking of--
171
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:42,670
-They're right where they've always been.
-Wait, can she hear us?
172
00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:44,589
-Man, I hope not.
-Lana?
173
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:46,549
Guess not.
174
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:48,217
-[Archer] Will you come on?
-Ugh.
175
00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:50,887
Don't get me wrong, I'd still do her.
176
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,973
Oh, please, you'd do… name a noun.
177
00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:55,766
No, you look.
178
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:58,436
You look at these
and tell me they're not perfect.
179
00:07:58,519 --> 00:07:59,854
Now? Really?
180
00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:02,607
Jesus God, are you that insecure?
181
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,859
No, I'm not. Because I am--
182
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:05,860
Ready!
183
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:06,861
-[Cyril] Wh--
-Oh, man.
184
00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:08,112
Uh, thoughts?
185
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,239
Through there! Go!
186
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:11,782
Uh… nope.
187
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:13,201
Aim!
188
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:16,120
-Why not?
-It's full of, ugh, garbage and shit.
189
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,705
You got a better idea?
190
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:21,125
Well, we could eat a big bowl
of hepatitises A through E.
191
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,084
Or just run away.
192
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:25,296
Just because it was my idea, you-- Guys!
193
00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:27,632
-[man] Fire!
-Oh, shit.
194
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,261
[Commander Kellogg] What's taking so long?
195
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,387
Couple things.
196
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:36,182
One, I didn't invent
whatever this door is made of,
197
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:39,268
which is apparently
some alloy of adamantium and mithril,
198
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,479
and two, not really liking your tone.
199
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:43,272
[Tony] Ugh, you idiots!
200
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:47,318
Firing an ion cannon
at the future mother of Mars?
201
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:48,945
Whose idea was that?
202
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,029
-[coughs] Dave's.
-What?
203
00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:53,824
Oh, well, that's just great, Dave.
204
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:57,787
Tell me, if you kill her,
who's gonna bear our Martian children?
205
00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:59,038
Huh? Trish?
206
00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:00,206
Ew.
207
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:02,041
-Ew!
-Archer!
208
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:03,668
Sorry. Go on, Trish.
209
00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:08,673
We've been locked in here
ever since you idiots took over Horizon.
210
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:10,675
-Tone.
-Yeah, sorry.
211
00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:14,428
But Drake wants to use the intrepid
to push Horizon to Mars,
212
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,347
so, tell us how we can stop him!
213
00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:20,101
Yeah, can Cyril die
after shutting down the tractor beam, or--
214
00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:23,563
Ugh. The intrepid is the key
to Drake's plan,
215
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:27,525
and he and Kellogg are the only ones
who can fly it!
216
00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:30,361
So why aren't you a-holes down there?
217
00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:32,154
-[chuckles] Burn.
-Cyril.
218
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,156
Although, good point, Trish.
219
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,576
Okay. To the intrepid! Let's go!
220
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,955
Oh, and Trish?
221
00:09:41,038 --> 00:09:42,290
Uh, with your looks,
222
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:44,542
maybe bitchy is not the way to go.
223
00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:47,461
[Ray] Okay, you're the prettiest. Come on!
224
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:51,215
-I thought I'd made myself very clear.
-You did, but--
225
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:54,802
Then why isn't the airlock open?
226
00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,470
Dwarven technology.
227
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,890
-What was that? What did you say?
-Tony, stop!
228
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:01,934
-[choking]
-See? Now we just wait for Mr. Archer
229
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,395
to save the day like he always does.
230
00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:07,732
I don't know about "always",
but are you sure they can't get in?
231
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:10,443
-Didn't you hear him? He said--
-[door opening]
232
00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:13,654
-[Tony] Say "dwarven technology" again!
-What the--
233
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:17,325
-Stop this at once. We command you.
-[choking]
234
00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:18,367
-I'm sorry?
-[groans]
235
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,702
Oh, wait, we're sorry.
236
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:21,537
Aren't you looking
for a new Martian queen?
237
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,957
-[Pam] Goddamn it!
-Why, yes. And you're…
238
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,000
Your Majesty.
239
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:30,171
Your Majesty, and you're just… so…
240
00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:31,631
What's the word I'm looking for?
241
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:34,800
Don't say "whordiot." We hate that.
242
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,677
-Majestic.
-Right.
243
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:39,180
Now follow me.
We got a big list of must-haves
244
00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:40,514
for the royal palace.
245
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:43,726
-Uh, your wish is my command.
-Duh.
246
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:46,937
Seal the door behind me
and prepare Horizon for launch.
247
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,065
Next stop, Mars.
248
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:52,860
-Okay, you heard him.
-Uh, I heard him tell you to do it.
249
00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:55,237
-And I'm telling you to do it.
-And I'm telling you
250
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:58,115
that I didn't sign up
for Animal Farm in space!
251
00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,659
-Wait, there are animals?
-What?
252
00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:01,661
[lowly] No. Animal Farm?
253
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,120
How do you not get that?
254
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:05,081
Cyril, I know what an animal farm is.
255
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,917
-Not an animal farm.
-Then maybe we can, I dunno,
256
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,044
stampede a flock of goats down the hall.
257
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:13,506
-Animal Farm is a book!
-No, it isn't, Lana.
258
00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:17,885
It's an allegorical novella.
About Stalinism! By George Orwell!
259
00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:19,970
[shouting] And, spoiler alert, it sucks!
260
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:24,725
Although I was talking
about an actual animal farm.
261
00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,019
So… never mind.
262
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:33,067
Oh, don't mind me, ma'ams,
just, uh, adjusting the climate control.
263
00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,820
Ooh, yes, another palace must-have.
264
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:38,572
Now, we heard some mention of babies?
265
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:42,576
-Uh-huh.
-But just to be clear, we don't do babies.
266
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,245
"Do" as in--
267
00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:46,497
"Do" as in tolerate, be around, touch,
268
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:49,583
and definitely as in let them claw
their monstery way out of our vagina.
269
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:52,711
-Well, let's put a pin in that.
-Ew!
270
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:54,463
Wait, put a pin in what?
271
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,799
What? What is wrong with you?
272
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,592
Where are the other two-- [chokes]
273
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:00,344
Right here, spacenuts.
274
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:03,013
Pamela, stop! Your queen commands you.
275
00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:04,849
Oh, please, you're not fit
to be queen of…
276
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,101
-name a place.
-Lidsville.
277
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:11,021
And Drake, you can forget
all about your crazy little…
278
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:12,773
Martian sex cult.
279
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:16,277
Ugh, it's not-- Don't you people get it?
280
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,112
Earth is doomed!
281
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:23,367
Mankind's only hope for survival is
to find a new home on Mars,
282
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:26,287
and I am the only man alive
who can lead us there.
283
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:30,082
-I am like, uh… Like…
-Jesus Christ.
284
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,835
Well, I think a more apt analogy
would be Moses, but--
285
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:33,752
Drop your weapon!
286
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,922
-Make me.
-No, don't make her. Come on, Pam.
287
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,757
-Pam, shoot.
-Mother!
288
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:40,092
-Malory!
-Pam!
289
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,427
[Malory] And she'll do it, too.
290
00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:45,014
[Cheryl] She'll do anything to keep us
from the throne which is our birthright!
291
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,849
Ew, birth.
292
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,436
All right.
293
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,188
What? No, no, no. What're you doing?
294
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:57,485
No, no, no. Even if they kill me,
they can never kill our dream.
295
00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:02,156
-[yelling] Mars!
-Uh, hang on. Sorry, one sec.
296
00:13:02,239 --> 00:13:03,616
Drones? You wanna…
297
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,368
-Thank you. Thank you.
-[Tony cries]
298
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,454
-Thanks a lot. Thank you.
-[sobbing]
299
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:10,456
There is no Mars without you, Tony.
300
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:13,584
-I'm sorry.
-S-- sorry?
301
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,377
You're-- You're sorry?
302
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:19,215
You just single-handedly doomed mankind!
303
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:22,676
Hey, even so, Black astronaut?
That's still pretty huge.
304
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,595
-It actually is.
-And at least your own mother
305
00:13:24,678 --> 00:13:26,472
didn't just play chicken with your life!
306
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,641
-[chuckles] Self-burn.
-Cyril!
307
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,143
Okay, Drake, you're gonna fly us
back to Earth
308
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:34,355
to stand trial
for, whatever, space piracy.
309
00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:36,649
No man can judge me.
310
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:37,983
Well, you say that--
311
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,486
[yelling] Mars forever!
312
00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:42,071
-[zapping]
-[screams]
313
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:45,074
-[yells] Suppressing fire!
-[all clamoring]
314
00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:46,659
[screaming]
315
00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:48,536
[yelling]
316
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:51,664
[panting] I think I got 'em.
Did I get 'em?
317
00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:55,709
You did. You got those two guys
who were just minding their own business.
318
00:13:55,793 --> 00:14:00,005
Ooh, and also the one remaining person
who could fly us back to Earth!
319
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,924
A Black astronaut, Cyril.
320
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:05,219
-That's like killing a unicorn!
-Oh, crapsnacks.
321
00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:07,513
-How could this get--
-Don't say it!
322
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:08,806
Do not say it!
323
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,976
[Barry] ♪ Gone to outer space ♪
324
00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:16,772
♪ To shoot that dick back in his face ♪
325
00:14:16,855 --> 00:14:18,607
-[phone ringing]
-Hang on, Other Barry.
326
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:19,984
Uh, this is Barry.
327
00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:23,112
Hey, pumpkin pie, I-- What's that?
328
00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:27,408
No. No, I'm in, uh, London, for work.
329
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:30,119
What? [chuckles] Katya, pumpkin,
330
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:32,413
I promised I'd stop trying to kill Archer.
331
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:36,125
[laughs] Yes, yes, both Barrys promised.
332
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:40,546
What? Wait, what's wrong
with the sofa we already ha--
333
00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:43,299
Oh, hey, hon, you're breaking up.
334
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:47,803
♪ Ba-dop a-dee a-dum
Dum dum doo doo ♪
335
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:48,846
"Any worse."
336
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,765
-Is what I was gonna say.
-Really?
337
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:53,893
Yes.
338
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,860
[Archer] Oh, my God, are you kidding me?
339
00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:06,155
Ring! Hello, is this airboats?
340
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:08,741
Yeah, hi. It's me, Spacebot.
341
00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:12,953
What? Oh, just lifting 1,000 pounds
like it's an apple.
342
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,496
-No big deal.
-[Lana] Archer!
343
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:18,208
Quit screwing around with the robot
and shut the damn airlock already!
344
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,210
[Archer] Five more minutes! God!
345
00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:23,130
What's the hurry? We're all going
to die up here anyway.
346
00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:29,553
-[screams] No! We're gonna die! [sobs]
-We're not gonna die. Stop crying.
347
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:32,640
And for what it's worth, I think
you would've made a great Martian queen.
348
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,934
-Duh!
-Okay.
349
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:38,270
-Yeah, um, so… Trish?
-What?
350
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:39,396
Still with the tone.
351
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,899
[Archer] Okay, the airlock's closed.
Happy?
352
00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:43,400
So… seriously?
353
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:46,695
-None of you know how to fly this thing?
-No. We're scientists.
354
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:49,281
We never even trained on the simulator.
355
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,658
[gasps] The simulator!
356
00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:54,370
Guys, I can fly us home.
I will fly us home!
357
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:55,788
Wait, what is this?
358
00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:57,498
-[thudding]
-And that?
359
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,251
-But right now, this?
-He was really good in the simulator.
360
00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:02,753
Yeah, right up until he crashed it.
361
00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:05,547
Yeah, thanks to you
and your stupid fire extinguisher!
362
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,591
-[chuckles] Right?
-Okay, then it's settled.
363
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:10,928
So, Trish, Horizon is
self-sustaining, right?
364
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:12,888
-Duh.
-Well, then, have fun.
365
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,181
Wait, wait, wait!
366
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:16,058
Uh, never mind.
367
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,477
I'm sure someone's gonna feed
the farm animals.
368
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,603
[sighs]
369
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:22,690
Cyril, you're in command,
try not to kill us.
370
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,400
Everybody else, strap in.
371
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:26,652
-Really?
-I said in.
372
00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:28,153
-Not on.
-Oh.
373
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,406
And ew. And-- Malory!
374
00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:33,993
I'm going into stasis.
375
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:35,911
Wake me up when we're on the ground.
376
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:40,374
-And preferably above 72nd Street.
-[bottles clinking]
377
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:42,960
What is that? Who's got beer?
378
00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:45,504
-[Barry] Archer…
-What?
379
00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:47,840
Come out to play…
380
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:49,133
[all] Barry?
381
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:51,343
Come on out, Archer. I mean, I'd come in,
382
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:54,930
but, yeah, who built this door?
Space dwarves?
383
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:58,058
Okay, Barry. Forgetting for the moment
how you found me here…
384
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,311
-[Krieger grunting]
-Krieger-san! [moans]
385
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:02,813
You wanna finish this?
386
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,733
Yeah, I do, yeah. That's why I'm here.
387
00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:08,652
-Not for long, you're not.
-Where do you think you're going?
388
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:11,321
-Uh, this place called "to kill Barry"?
-[Ray] Are you--
389
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:13,407
Every time y'all fight, he beats you
390
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:16,827
like the redheaded stepchild
of a rented mule.
391
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:18,454
No, he doesn't.
392
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:22,082
-[all agreeing with Ray]
-Wait, wait. But look, look, look.
393
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,168
Hang on. Hang on.
394
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,295
Here we go. Look, check this out.
395
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,797
Look. Yeah.
396
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,299
-Oh…
-You can wear this.
397
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:32,509
-…my God.
-I know, right?
398
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:36,638
Evil cyborg versus Spacebot. Love it.
399
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,683
This is gonna be,
and I hate this word, Barry,
400
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:41,769
but this is gonna be epic!
401
00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:43,979
-Hang on, I'll be right--
-He can't get in here.
402
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,981
So the only reason to go out there
is your ego.
403
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:49,651
Not just my ego, Lana. Spacebot's ego.
404
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,945
-And a giant ass-whippin'.
-I can take him.
405
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,865
-Did you not see those claws?
-Please. We just want to go home.
406
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,576
But… Spacebot.
407
00:17:57,659 --> 00:18:00,829
Jesus, think about someone else
for once in your life!
408
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,457
-And that's her saying that.
-Exactly.
409
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:05,209
[sighs]
410
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:07,920
-♪ Domo arigato, Archer Roboto ♪
-Uh, Barry?
411
00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:10,005
Yo. Yeah, let's get it on, brother.
412
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,757
I, uh… I… [sighs]
413
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:14,009
I can't get it on.
414
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,887
-What? Come on!
-Maybe next time. Sorry.
415
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:19,681
-Hey, don't do that. Don't apologize.
-Sorry.
416
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:23,435
I mean, if you're having
a legitimate problem with your vagina,
417
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,647
that you have between your legs
in lieu of a penis,
418
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:29,566
I completely understand,
and you need to deal with that.
419
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:32,319
-[growling]
-Honestly, we can do this another time.
420
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,404
-[growling]
-Archer?
421
00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:38,700
[exhales] Next time, Barry.
422
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,995
Sterling, I know
I may not say this very often--
423
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:42,913
Or ever.
424
00:18:42,996 --> 00:18:44,998
Well, congratulations. You ruined it.
425
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:47,793
-But I'm still very proud of you.
-Oh…
426
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:49,837
Ass.
427
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,131
[computer] Docking coupler disengaging.
428
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:55,342
[Cyril sighs] Okay, folks. Uh, next stop,
429
00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:57,803
-Planet Earth.
-Just try not to kill us all, Cyril.
430
00:18:57,886 --> 00:18:59,263
Mother, please!
431
00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:02,683
Don't listen to her, Cyril.
You're gonna do great.
432
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:04,601
Hey, thanks, Archer.
433
00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:06,854
You know what? Just for that…
434
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:09,898
-[Archer] What are you doing?
-[Cyril chuckles] You'll see.
435
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:10,983
[computer] Ignition.
436
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:14,987
[screaming] No!
437
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:21,702
[Archer laughing]
Now who's got a vagina problem?
438
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,746
-[Pam] Me.
-[all] Ew.
439
00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:27,666
How am I gonna get home?
440
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,919
-[computer] Fifty meters.
-[Lana] You're doing great, Cyril.
441
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,504
Almost there.
442
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,756
Almost there.
443
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,425
Yeah, so let me take this baby on in.
444
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:37,593
-Archer!
-What're you doing?
445
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,803
-[all clamoring]
-[Archer] Stop it! Let me land it!
446
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:44,725
Archer! You had, like, an actual moment
of self-awareness in space, so--
447
00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:47,144
So I deserve to land
the goddamn spaceship!
448
00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:48,896
-[computer] Ten meters.
-[all scream]
449
00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:52,482
-Sink rate. Sink rate.
-Uh, actually, Cyril, it's all you, buddy.
450
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:53,400
You got it.
451
00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:55,277
[explosion]
452
00:19:58,488 --> 00:20:00,782
[Malory] Item four. [coughs]
453
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,034
Until further notice,
454
00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:04,995
no more health insurance claims
will be accepted.
455
00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:06,830
[all disagreeing]
456
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:08,624
-Well, don't blame me.
-Perfect.
457
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:11,543
-Yeah, Cyril crashed the damn thing.
-[scoffs]
458
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:13,545
[mechanical whirring]
459
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:18,008
Oh, come on. Ray, what's the big deal?
460
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:20,177
You already had the chair!
461
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:28,977
[ice cubes clinking]
462
00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,396
Hey, did I tell you guys I got a goat?
463
00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:35,525
[theme music playing]
35056
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