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1
00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:09,843
Mayday. Mayday. Mayday.
2
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:13,513
This is Commander Kellogg
of ISA Space Station Horizon.
3
00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:14,639
[indistinct]
4
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:17,058
Transmission… to Commander Drake.
5
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:19,310
Tony, the crew is… [indistinct]
6
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:20,770
We are under… [indistinct]
7
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,856
I say again, we are under--
8
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:24,733
[static]
9
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,234
[indistinct yelling]
10
00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:31,448
And that, Mrs. Archer--
11
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:32,699
-Ms.
-Don't.
12
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:36,244
-Ah, Ms. Archer. I beg your pardon.
-Don't.
13
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:39,122
That was the last transmission
from the Horizon.
14
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:41,791
-Which, obviously, pretty vague.
-Vague?
15
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,211
You heard Commander Kellogg.
He said the Horizon is under attack.
16
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:46,796
Well, under something.
17
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,548
He could've been saying "underfinanced."
18
00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:49,632
-What?
-Sterling.
19
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,177
What? They're always whining
about needing more money
20
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:53,511
for their boondocks.
21
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:54,804
-Doggles.
-What?
22
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,557
You think space exploration is
a boondoggle?
23
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,726
Well, come on, in this economy?
24
00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:04,731
Exactly. Now more than ever is
when we need to look to space
25
00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:07,317
for the solution to mankind's problems.
26
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,027
In just 200 years,
27
00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:12,906
earth's population will exceed
her capacity to produce enough food.
28
00:01:12,989 --> 00:01:16,493
And even as the famines begin,
global war will erupt
29
00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:19,329
as fresh water becomes scarcer than gold.
30
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:21,164
But if we begin now,
31
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:24,626
using the lessons learned
aboard Space Station Horizon,
32
00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:28,755
a small group of brave colonists
can terraform Mars.
33
00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:32,592
And mankind can finally slip
the surly bonds of Earth
34
00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:35,595
to live forever among the stars.
35
00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:38,014
-Yeah, Lana.
-What?
36
00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:40,016
Jesus, read a book once in your life.
37
00:01:40,099 --> 00:01:42,143
So, where does ISIS fit in, Commander?
38
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:44,270
-Well--
-Well, I think that's a bit premature
39
00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:46,356
until we discuss our fee structure.
40
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:48,900
As to that, you can name your price.
41
00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:51,486
-Oh, now they've got her--
-Enough.
42
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,405
Commander, as to our role?
43
00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,574
Horizon has an international crew.
44
00:01:56,658 --> 00:02:00,328
-American, German, Chinese, French--
-[Archer] Ba-dum-bum!
45
00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:03,498
Uh, sorry, I thought "French" was a joke.
46
00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:06,292
Is mutiny funny to you, Mr. Archer?
47
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,294
I dunno, maybe a mutiny of clowns.
48
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:12,507
Because I fear that one faction,
led by radical nationalists, has mutinied.
49
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:13,758
But who? Which one?
50
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,261
-Well, if I--
-If he knew, he would tell us.
51
00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:17,303
Read a book!
52
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,098
And since I don't know
which faction is behind the mutiny…
53
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:23,893
-If there even was one.
-…I can't trust anyone at the ISA,
54
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,687
which is why I came to ISIS.
55
00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:27,522
Because of our loyalty.
56
00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:30,066
-Or lack thereof.
-Or whatever.
57
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,944
Because I need a small cadre
of highly-trained agents
58
00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:36,156
to fly into orbit
and help me retake control of Horizon.
59
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:37,240
-Nope!
-Yep!
60
00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:38,283
-Archer!
-Lana.
61
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:40,952
He just said "highly-trained".
And the last time I checked,
62
00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:43,913
none of us were even lowly-trained
to be astronauts.
63
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,123
Well, how hard could it be?
64
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:46,374
Incredibly.
65
00:02:46,457 --> 00:02:49,002
But since apparently money is no object…
66
00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:51,212
The training schedule'll have to be
highly compressed,
67
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:54,048
because the shuttle intrepid is launching
in three days.
68
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,968
And I won't lie to you,
this mission will be dangerous.
69
00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,429
Uh, would you say
we'd be venturing into a…
70
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:00,847
zone of danger?
71
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,473
Well, yes, obviously.
72
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,392
No, but I mean, how would you phrase that?
73
00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:07,395
I… the zone will be one of danger?
74
00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:10,315
No, I mean… [sighs] Not…
If you'd say the thing diff--
75
00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:11,858
[sighs] Forget it. Never mind.
76
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:14,068
And you never mind and also shut up.
77
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:16,154
[theme music playing]
78
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,316
[Archer] Ow!
Jesus, Krieger, that's the bone.
79
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,778
Oh, the mean doctor take
the widdle baby's bwood,
80
00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,154
and widdle baby goes--
81
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,447
-Ow!
-You're a baby.
82
00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:01,950
And astronaut training sucks complete ass.
83
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:04,452
Literally. What is the deal
with all the enemas?
84
00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:07,038
-Uh…
-And why do you need so much blood?
85
00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:08,831
And wait, now that I think about it, why--
86
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,667
Why is this man in the restricted area?
87
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,418
Who? Him?
88
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:13,378
-You.
-What?
89
00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:15,713
-Krieger!
-Uh… smoke bomb!
90
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:19,342
And why aren't you
with the other trainees?
91
00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:23,888
I was told I had to undergo a bunch
of extremely invasive medical tests.
92
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:27,100
Well, normally you would,
but by our doctors.
93
00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:29,811
But since you're on
such an accelerated training schedule--
94
00:04:29,894 --> 00:04:32,355
Six enemas is a luxury we can ill afford.
95
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:33,564
-Got it.
-Six?
96
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:36,276
Or who knows? He put me under. Maybe 12?
97
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,986
Now you've wasted half a day,
98
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,113
so the other trainees are
way ahead of you.
99
00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:41,281
Not for long they're not!
100
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:43,616
-[crash]
-Ow!
101
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,703
Well, he's eager. I'll give him that.
102
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,579
Well, you inspire him
103
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:51,666
with all those medals
on that powerful chest.
104
00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:55,044
-Your wife is a very lucky--
-Oh, I'm a widower.
105
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:58,840
Oh! Difficult to meet people,
isn't it, in jobs like ours?
106
00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:02,260
I only mention it
because I also happen to be single.
107
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,178
Yes, I know.
108
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:05,930
Excuse me.
109
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:10,685
[sniffs]
110
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,566
I hope to God that was alcohol.
111
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:17,984
-[Lana] No!
-[Archer] Yes.
112
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,861
-Dammit, Archer, it's--
-It's my turn.
113
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:20,778
-Cyril!
-Come on!
114
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:23,156
[Archer] Cyril! Drake said let me fly it.
115
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:26,075
[sighs] Cut it out, Archer! I'm landing.
116
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:29,620
-Come on, baby, keep that nose up.
-[computer] 30 meters.
117
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:31,956
-[glass breaking]
-Ah! What the--
118
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,625
-[coughing]
-Explosive decompression.
119
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:36,002
-[Archer] Happy, Cyril?
-[coughs]
120
00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:38,129
You just destroyed Alderaan.
121
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:40,214
Dammit, that was closer
than any of us have gotten
122
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:41,632
to actually landing!
123
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,552
A, because you're all crap,
and B, who cares?
124
00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:46,262
-[Cyril coughs]
-We're not gonna land it.
125
00:05:46,345 --> 00:05:48,347
-What the hell--
-…is going on in here?
126
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,641
-[both] Archer--
-…saw an electrical fire
127
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:51,642
in the simulator,
128
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,562
and knowing that my colleague's life was
in danger, I--
129
00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:57,065
-Acted without thinking!
-As always.
130
00:05:57,148 --> 00:06:00,193
-Not always.
-Well, thank God you did.
131
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:02,028
-What?
-But almost always.
132
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:06,199
Because that's exactly the kind
of decisive action this mission calls for.
133
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:08,117
-You could all learn something from him.
-Ugh.
134
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,202
-Oh, come on.
-Oh, my God.
135
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:13,122
Starting with a little training exercise
we lightheartedly call…
136
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,707
the Vomit Comet!
137
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,251
[all exclaiming]
138
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:19,545
[Tony] And if you're wondering
why we call it that…
139
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,089
[Lana heaving]
140
00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:22,632
[Ray and Cyril] It's all in my hair!
141
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:25,009
-[Lana heaving]
-[Cyril] Oh, Jeezy H. Petes!
142
00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:26,803
[Archer] The hell is wrong with you, Lana?
143
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,429
[Tony] That's why we call it that.
144
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:33,059
What possible reason could there be
to subject human beings to--
145
00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:34,185
Whoa!
146
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,190
[chuckling]
…such mind-shattering awesomeness!
147
00:06:39,273 --> 00:06:43,111
The KC-135 flies in a parabolic arc…
148
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,655
[laughing] Who cares?
149
00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:49,575
…which allows us to achieve
weightlessness for about 30 seconds.
150
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:53,788
-We'll do this 20 times…
-[Archer] Whoo! Weightlessness!
151
00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:57,125
…so you can get acquainted
with the sensation of being weightless.
152
00:06:57,208 --> 00:07:00,211
-It takes some time getting used to, but--
-Ow.
153
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,797
Agent Kane, are you all right?
154
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,092
-[strained] Yep. Yep, yep, yep.
-What is going on with you?
155
00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:08,553
-[gags] Do not like. [gags]
-What're you, crazy?
156
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:10,263
-What's not to--
-[retching]
157
00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:13,224
-Oh.
-No. Archer, no!
158
00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:14,976
-[chuckles] Yes!
-Please, don't do this--
159
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:16,936
-[coughing]
-What's that?
160
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:19,147
Sorry, I couldn't hear you
over the sound of the vo--
161
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,232
[all screaming]
162
00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,734
[Cyril yelps] Come on!
163
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:25,069
Looking good!
164
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,405
Only 19 more to go!
165
00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:30,283
[Lana] Nineteen more times…
166
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:34,829
until there was
literally no more fluid left in my body.
167
00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:37,248
-Yeah, and thanks so much for that.
-Cyril.
168
00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:39,208
She's not the one
who kept riding you into it
169
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,501
holding your mouth open.
170
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,171
Jeez, even in zero gravity,
you're an asshole.
171
00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:44,505
You were saying?
172
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:46,549
To the wet-towel wielding survivor
173
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:49,177
of 15 years
of boarding school locker rooms?
174
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:50,511
-Wait, 15?
-15?
175
00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,013
Or whatever, the normal number.
176
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:55,016
-12?
-Yes, we will launch in 12 hours.
177
00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:57,351
We received another transmission
from the Horizon.
178
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,770
-They can't wait.
-But we haven't been trained properly!
179
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,355
To what, wear a seat belt?
180
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,608
Actually, is it
a five-point harness, or…
181
00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:06,444
I admit this isn't an ideal scenario.
182
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:09,405
Speaking of, what's the scenario
when we get to the Horizon?
183
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,324
We don't have a tactical plan,
we don't have--
184
00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:14,118
Plenty of time to discuss
our plan of action during the flight.
185
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:16,412
-But--
-Lana! What has gotten into you?
186
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,748
[chuckles] More like what got out of her.
187
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:19,916
Sir, I'm not sure Lana,
188
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,919
sorry, honey,
is physically capable of spaceflight.
189
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:26,005
Ray! [sighs] Actually,
I might not be cut out for it.
190
00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:28,466
Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Agent Kane,
191
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:30,801
because you're going.
192
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:40,061
[chuckling] To… to a zone.
193
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:45,733
Which is… one of danger. [laughing]
194
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,906
[computer] T-minus 90 seconds.
195
00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:54,158
[Tony] Roger, control. All systems are go.
196
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,493
Next stop, Horizon.
197
00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:57,286
Okay, Archer?
198
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,580
Oh, I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
199
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:02,291
Or to her, who-- why is she here?
200
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,585
-Because Tony invited me.
-"Tony"?
201
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:07,588
What, are you trying to get my mother
into the million mile high club?
202
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:08,923
-Sterling!
-Archer.
203
00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:11,467
-Would you calm the hell down?
-I am calm!
204
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,802
I'm also outta here!
205
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:15,263
-Take your hands off that harness.
-Make me!
206
00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,014
Oh, and just so you know,
207
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:19,559
she… [weakly] …ca-- can't breathe.
208
00:09:20,017 --> 00:09:23,145
[control] Uh, flight, we're showing
suit number two with an O2 malfunction.
209
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,982
Double-check that, control.
I'm showing green across the board.
210
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:26,899
Stand by.
211
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:29,318
-[Tony] That's a roger, standing by.
-[Archer choking]
212
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,237
-[whistling]
-[Archer wheezing]
213
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,823
Tony, please. He'll behave. Won't he?
214
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:36,075
-[weakly] Yeah.
-Excellent.
215
00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:38,286
-[gasping]
-Because I won't,
216
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:41,747
I can't let anyone jeopardize
the success of this mission.
217
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,959
[control] Flight, O2 on suit two
is showing normal,
218
00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:46,586
but, uh, keep an eye on it.
219
00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:49,755
-Oh, I will.
-[weakly] Hooray.
220
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,966
-Resume countdown, control.
-Roger, flight.
221
00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:54,510
-[computer] T-minus five, four…
-[Tony chuckles]
222
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,095
-Exciting, isn't it?
-…three,
223
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:59,265
-two, one.
-I think it is.
224
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:00,182
Ignition.
225
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:02,810
[control] Liftoff.
226
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:09,442
-[all screaming]
-Just relax and rely on your training.
227
00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:11,193
Which we didn't have!
228
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:14,363
-Because phase two's a little rough.
-Phase two?
229
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,449
-What's pha--
-[all screaming]
230
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,244
-[humming]
-[screaming continues]
231
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:23,706
[booming]
232
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:25,625
That was phase two.
233
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,126
[strained] Ugh. Did not like.
234
00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:29,170
-[gags]
-[chuckles] Wait till you see phase three.
235
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:30,713
[all clamoring]
236
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:33,049
I'm kidding. There is no phase three.
237
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,675
Just a little space humor.
238
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,053
[Archer] Yeah. Funny stuff. Right?
239
00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:40,097
[Tony] Right, then,
I want to brief you all
240
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,350
on what to expect
when we dock with Horizon.
241
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:45,186
[groans] Can we expect a pharmacy?
242
00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:46,937
Lana, it's not a strip mall.
243
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:48,773
Although I assume there's a bar?
244
00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:51,609
-A bar?
-Or whatever. Cantina.
245
00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:53,986
Uh, no. Please pay attention.
246
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:55,529
We'll dock here,
247
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,948
move forward on foot
toward Horizon's bridge, and--
248
00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,367
Wait. On foot?
249
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,869
Horizon has artificial gravity.
250
00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:05,122
Look. See how it spins
on its longitudinal axis?
251
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:07,166
-Lana, look at it spin.
-[gags]
252
00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:10,419
When we reach the bridge,
we'll retake control of Horizon.
253
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:14,465
But we can expect heavy resistance.
I'm sure the mutineers are armed.
254
00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:16,467
With what, slide rules and tang?
255
00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:20,971
The M41 Mark 2 Plasma Pulse Rifle
with concussion grenade launcher.
256
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:22,348
-Holy shit!
-Mark 2!
257
00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:26,394
On "kill" mode,
the M41 fires lethal plasma ammunition.
258
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:30,231
On "stun" it fires an ion pulse,
similar to an EMP.
259
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:32,650
And can it be fired with an erection?
260
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,402
-Oh, for God's sake.
-Archer, muzzle!
261
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:36,070
Relax, it's on "stun," Lana.
262
00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:39,073
-Careful. Even on "stun" it can--
-[groaning]
263
00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:40,241
-[all gasp]
-[Cyril groans]
264
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:42,201
Oops.
265
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:43,536
-Clear!
-[both] Clear.
266
00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:46,914
-[zapping]
-Ow!
267
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,166
[sighs] As I was saying,
268
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:52,002
it's possible for the EMP
to stop a man's heart.
269
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:55,548
-So "stun" may be a bit of a misnomer.
-[coughing]
270
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:56,590
Dammit, Archer.
271
00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:58,342
Hey, I'm not the one who was all sweaty.
272
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,678
Mr. Archer, that's twice
you've jeopardized
273
00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:02,138
the success of this mission.
274
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:03,681
There will not be a third.
275
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:05,558
[control] Uh, flight, we have a problem.
276
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:07,852
Well, don't look at me!
277
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:11,772
My God. On this trajectory,
we'll miss Horizon.
278
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:13,274
Control, what happened?
279
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:16,277
[Control] Burn rates were good, flight.
Um… stand by.
280
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:21,157
Uh, flight, we're showing
that you are grossly overweight.
281
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,326
[Pam] Oh, for-- I wouldn't say "grossly."
282
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,619
[Cheryl] I would.
283
00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:29,915
[Tony] I would be well within my rights
to jettison both of you into space.
284
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:31,375
Well within them.
285
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,002
-Malory!
-However,
286
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:35,212
for, uh, numerous reasons,
287
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:37,756
one being this ship
can't actually do that,
288
00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:39,675
I've decided to take you with us.
289
00:12:39,758 --> 00:12:40,968
-[relieved sighs]
-[groans]
290
00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:43,137
But I want to know how you got aboard.
291
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:45,222
What do you mean, how? Mr. Ar--
292
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,223
-[groans]
-Whoa!
293
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:47,266
[Lana and Tony] Archer!
294
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:49,477
-[Cyril] Come on!
-Yeah, so that safety's tricky, huh?
295
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:51,020
-Clear!
-[both] Clear.
296
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,688
[zapping]
297
00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:56,192
-Ow! [cries]
-[gasps] Awesome.
298
00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:58,903
Son of a shit-snacking whore.
299
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:03,365
Mr. Figgis. Lock that man
in the cargo hold.
300
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,869
-Who, me?
-Aye-freaking-aye.
301
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,245
Ms. Archer?
302
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,998
In case I need to sterilize something.
303
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:11,957
Get strapped in.
304
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,919
Agent Gillette,
monitor this woman's vital signs.
305
00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:16,587
Agent Kane, come with me.
306
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,756
I may need some help
getting us to Horizon.
307
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:23,177
So that we don't die writhing in agony
when we run out of oxygen.
308
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:25,262
Yeah, been there. No picnic.
309
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:28,057
Uh, speaking of, great for picnics.
310
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:30,267
The tofu teriyaki, not so much.
311
00:13:30,809 --> 00:13:32,478
[Pam weakly] There's teriyaki?
312
00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:34,730
-No!
-Cyril, come on. Let me out.
313
00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:36,732
No, you jerk! You shoot me in the heart
314
00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:38,317
-with a space-blaster?
-What?
315
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,653
[chuckling] You're still mad about that?
316
00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:44,657
Not to mention whatever idiot reason
you had for smuggling Pam on board.
317
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,033
You're screwin' him, aren't you?
318
00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:48,202
What?
319
00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:49,119
Yes.
320
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:53,457
No! Because if we don't die,
for all I care, you can rot in there.
321
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:55,376
Cyril? Cyril!
322
00:13:56,126 --> 00:14:00,256
Well, good luck fighting a bunch
of, whatever, space pirates without me!
323
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:01,799
[ball thuds]
324
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,971
[sighs] [bleep] you, space.
325
00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:16,480
[Tony] Come on, baby,
just a few more seconds!
326
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,107
[powering down]
327
00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:19,733
Damn it!
328
00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:22,653
I don't know if that was
a long enough burn.
329
00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:24,238
Agent Kane, I need a readout.
330
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:27,908
Oh, for God's sakes, woman, Dramamine!
331
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,619
-It makes me sleepy.
-I think we're okay, sir.
332
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:34,415
-Thank God, because we're out of fuel.
-[Cheryl] What?
333
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,250
How are we gonna get back to Earth?
334
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:39,003
There is fuel… on Horizon.
335
00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:41,171
Well-- well, I didn't know that.
336
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:44,091
The flight computer will dock the ship.
Assemble the boarding party.
337
00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:46,427
Nor was I told there would be a party.
338
00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:47,595
Lana, what are you wearing?
339
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,972
[Tony] Bio-matrix composite body armor.
340
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,891
Effective against small-arms fire,
341
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:53,893
and we need all the help we can get.
342
00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:55,519
Since there's only four of us.
343
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,730
Yeah, that seems kinda… few.
344
00:14:58,230 --> 00:14:59,732
Heck, if you need some help, I'll--
345
00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:01,859
No. We can't jeopardize the women.
346
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,486
-Cough?
-Well, not you.
347
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:08,574
No, no, no, Agent Kane, I'm afraid
your particular skillset outweighs your--
348
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:10,159
-[thudding]
-[all exclaim in surprise]
349
00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:11,744
[computer] Docking complete.
350
00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:13,913
-[gasps] Is that a ghost?
-Nope.
351
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,539
Boarding party, into the airlock.
352
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,750
[computer] Gravity engaged.
353
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:20,753
Weapons on "stun."
Fast and hard to the bridge.
354
00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:22,796
And remember, these are mutineers.
355
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,131
Even if they try to--
356
00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:28,260
[screaming] Suppressing fire!
357
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,808
[sighs] Otherwise… Ju-- just follow me.
358
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:37,186
And try not to shoot me in the-- Oh, shit!
359
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,813
-What the hell?
-…is wrong with me?
360
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:43,275
It's the artificial gravity.
You have to readjust to it.
361
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:45,611
I'll get my inner ear…
[gags] …right on that.
362
00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:48,572
-We don't have time for this, we're--
-[man] There they are!
363
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:51,158
-Get 'em!
-Drop your weapons. Drop your weapons!
364
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,452
-Suppressing…
-[clicking]
365
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,915
Uh, so, does this run on batteries, or…
366
00:15:57,998 --> 00:16:00,292
-Fire!
-[yelling]
367
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:02,670
[all yelling]
368
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,296
Get some! Get some!
369
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,090
Get some!
370
00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:07,424
We're pinned down!
371
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:08,717
Oh, really?
372
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:10,970
You don't think I could rock this?
373
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,055
[clears throat] Couple things.
374
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:15,349
One, I don't know what that means.
375
00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:16,892
And two… Hang on.
376
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:19,186
Hang on.
377
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:21,397
Hang on.
378
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:24,858
Hang on.
379
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:25,943
[slurping]
380
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,951
And two, you obviously don't know
what "boarding party" means.
381
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:37,830
Who am I, 16th century
female Irish pirate Gráinne O'Malley?
382
00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:40,624
[gasps] Or her sole female descendant?
383
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,584
-I'm sorry.
-For what?
384
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,045
Space-blastering me in the freakin' tits?
385
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:48,966
Or tricking me into that fart-locker
to get blasted into outer goddamn space
386
00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:51,135
on the off-chance you might wanna bang me?
387
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,887
Both, I guess. Look--
388
00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:57,850
After you blew me off for Katya,
the big-titted cyborg.
389
00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:00,894
-Little Miss, uh…
-R2-double-D2?
390
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,896
-[chuckles] Nice.
-Thanks.
391
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:05,274
And I'm sorry,
but you gotta let me out, Pam.
392
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:07,276
They're fighting space pirates out there.
393
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,444
With Cyril!
394
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:11,030
-[clicking]
-You're supposed to fire!
395
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:12,656
What is wrong with you?
396
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:14,491
[Archer] And Lana can't even stand up.
397
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:17,411
You idiot, just reset the-- [heaves]
398
00:17:17,494 --> 00:17:19,997
Jesus, you're like a dog
in a station wagon.
399
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,248
[both yelling]
400
00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:23,459
No! We're losing the beachhead!
401
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:26,670
-They're running out of time, Pam!
-Oh, all right.
402
00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:30,674
That being said…
403
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:31,759
quickie?
404
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:33,594
Meh.
405
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:37,931
Whoo! Okay. Good luck.
406
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:41,769
Thanks. Normally I'd say I don't need it,
but I can barely feel my legs.
407
00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:43,520
I call that the MOAB.
408
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,940
-It stands for--
-I know what it stands for. I was there.
409
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,358
Please don't say it out loud.
410
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:50,986
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to…
411
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,946
[yelling]
412
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,949
…kick some space pirate ass!
413
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:57,618
-Whoo!
-[all] Archer?
414
00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:58,702
-Hang on.
-[explosion]
415
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,120
Yes, Archer, duh.
416
00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:02,206
And if you're done doing
each other's hair, let's--
417
00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:03,874
Retake the ship!
418
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,877
Or just run around interrupting people.
419
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,046
[Tony groans] I'm hit, I'm hit!
420
00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:09,963
Oh, for--
421
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:12,966
Do I have to do everything?
422
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:16,720
He asked, intending to be facetious.
423
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:19,306
[Lana] I'm sorry.
I don't know what's wrong with me!
424
00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:21,225
Besides suffering from gigantism?
425
00:18:21,308 --> 00:18:22,768
-Shut up.
-[groans] The bridge!
426
00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:26,021
-We have to make it to the--
-[Archer] The bridge, yes, I heard you.
427
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,065
So unless we're going the wrong way…
428
00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:30,150
[Tony groans] No, that's it right there.
429
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,236
Then shut up! God!
430
00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,321
Okay, now what? You can un-shut up.
431
00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:36,240
The comm-link by the door.
432
00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:38,826
Commander Kellogg? It's Drake.
433
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:40,536
-Tony?
-[mockingly] "Tony?"
434
00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:45,874
Oh, my God, am I glad to see you.
We couldn't have held out much longer.
435
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,210
Well, we got here as fast as we could.
436
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:51,130
My God, you're wounded!
Put him here, please.
437
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:54,925
-Uh, we'll take those.
-Um, oh, yeah. And here you go.
438
00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:56,593
[Commander Kellogg]
Are you wounded too?
439
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:59,096
-No, just--
-Just a little space sickness.
440
00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:00,722
But eventually she'll get acclimated.
441
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,599
I'm-- "eventually"?
442
00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:05,686
-Yes, she's strong. Good breeding stock.
-What?
443
00:19:05,769 --> 00:19:08,397
-Hey!
-Whoa, Charles Benedict Davenport!
444
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:13,527
Um, the father of eugenics?
Seriously, guys, read a book.
445
00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:16,530
And two more on the intrepid, stowaways.
446
00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:18,073
Almost as good as her.
447
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:22,161
Two more? Then we can populate Mars
even faster than we'd hoped.
448
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:24,913
-[both] What?
-Did you say Mars?
449
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,665
Oh, now your ears--
450
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,625
Wait, why did you say Mars?
451
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,961
[weakly] Don't you see? [coughs]
452
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,422
They're the mutineers.
453
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:34,590
-[zapping]
-[yells in pain]
454
00:19:38,635 --> 00:19:39,887
[guns charging]
455
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:41,096
[man] Welcome to the…
456
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:44,975
danger zone.
457
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,604
[theme music playing]
34450
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