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1
00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:09,426
[Lana] Wait, here's an idea.
2
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,511
You talk louder,
and maybe they'll come to us.
3
00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:13,638
We'd lose the element of surprise, Lana.
4
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:16,182
-That was sarcasm.
-No way, really?
5
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,809
Because so was that, just now.
6
00:00:17,892 --> 00:00:20,020
-I pretty much insist that you shut up.
-[beeping]
7
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:21,396
Oh, shit, they're in the armory.
8
00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:23,523
Good, then we got 'em.
This is the only way out.
9
00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,859
-Of the armory.
-I heard you.
10
00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:29,279
-And I can also read, so--
-So, what's in the armory?
11
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:33,366
Burglars, Lana, that's why I'm here
and not up to my ears in stewardess.
12
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:34,784
What else is in the armory?
13
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,328
Well, there's a bunch
of automatic weapons, rocket launchers,
14
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:39,789
uh, about a jillion grenades. Oh.
15
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,041
They may have fire superiority.
16
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,918
-You think?
-Lana, for all we know,
17
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:46,504
they're building a Gundam suit
with bazookas for hands.
18
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:47,922
Really wish we had some backup.
19
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:48,965
Who, Cyril?
20
00:00:49,048 --> 00:00:51,926
Or, oh, maybe Ray could run over them
with his wheelchair!
21
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:53,511
That was also sarcasm,
22
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:56,097
since apparently now
we're saying whenever we do it.
23
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,682
-Are you ready?
-No.
24
00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,642
Sarcasm again. Yes, I'm ready.
25
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,946
-What the hell are you doing?
-Nothing!
26
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:13,239
-Archer!
-What?
27
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:15,408
The hell are you doing?
28
00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:17,202
Nothin'. What're y'all doing?
29
00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:21,206
The alarm company called us
because the motion sensors were going off.
30
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:22,624
-Dukes.
-Yeah.
31
00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:24,876
The rest of us got new keycodes Monday,
32
00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:27,128
but you were… Where was it?
33
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,379
Physical therapy.
34
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:31,299
For your limp, useless legs.
35
00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:34,219
Well, it's obviously working,
you're on a-- Wait a minute.
36
00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:36,262
How the hell are you walking around
on ladders?
37
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:37,889
Because he's not paralyzed!
38
00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:40,183
And is that not the stuff of miracles?
39
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:43,353
-You lying little--
-I never said I was paralyzed!
40
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:44,771
Y'all just assumed I was.
41
00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:47,273
Because you left the hospital
in a wheelchair!
42
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:48,608
They make you!
43
00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:51,528
And then I couldn't get a cab,
so I just got back in the chair, and--
44
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:54,364
Spent the last six months
pretending to be handicapped.
45
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:55,532
Handi-capable.
46
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:59,035
So, before I kick this ladder over
in the hopes of paralyzing you for real,
47
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,704
why are you in here
stealing guns and grenades
48
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,165
and what better not be
my night vision goggles?
49
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,793
I kinda have some family problems.
50
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:11,131
-So, your brother, the drug dealer--
-He's not a drug dealer!
51
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,632
-He's a drug farmer.
-Whatever.
52
00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:15,677
…is gonna be murdered
by your hometown's crooked sheriff?
53
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,806
E.Z. Ponder, yeah, and he used to bully me
so bad in high school.
54
00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:21,808
No! Ray, that was sarcasm.
55
00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:25,270
Anyway, he wants Randy's dope farm
for himself or he's gonna kill him,
56
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:27,730
so I gotta go down there
and… stop him.
57
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,774
-Count me in.
-What? Why?
58
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:33,570
Well, for one thing, it's eerily similar
to the plot of White Lightning.
59
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,238
and this is Ray's brother, Lana.
60
00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:36,698
What's more important than family?
61
00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:41,202
Mmm, getting hammered on moonshine
and trying to bang skanky trailer chicks?
62
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,830
-Um… trying?
-Oh, that reminds me.
63
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:47,876
Um, they all think
I'm married to, like, a woman, so…
64
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,878
Oh, all right, I'll be your beard.
65
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:53,715
What're you, insane? "Hey y'all,
here's my great big ol' Black wife."
66
00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:55,717
-What?
-Lana, c'mon.
67
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,260
You're gigantic.
68
00:02:58,177 --> 00:03:00,179
[theme music playing]
69
00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:37,091
[Malory] Now, what's all this nonsense
about a break-in last night?
70
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:40,011
I swear to God,
if Krieger was doing more of his--
71
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,805
What's his new awful thing?
72
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:46,351
Ultimate bum shock-fights, and no,
it looks like it was an actual break-in.
73
00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:47,602
-What?
-Jeezy Petes!
74
00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:49,020
Did they get into the mainframe?
75
00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:50,939
I… don't know, but--
76
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,607
We need Sterling. Where is he?
77
00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:55,860
He's tracking down, um… leads
78
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:59,030
from the clues…
that there were some of.
79
00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:01,908
-What kind of clues?
-The kind I'm gonna show you
80
00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:04,702
if you're not too busy
shutting up to come on.
81
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:07,038
And put Sterling through
the minute he calls in!
82
00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:08,748
[Archer] Which I guess will be never.
83
00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:10,750
So, are there just no towers here?
84
00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:13,086
Or have we literally gone back in time?
85
00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:16,422
-[Ray] Both.
-[Cheryl] Ow, you dumb idiot!
86
00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:20,260
-[both] Great.
-Why am I in a… whatever dune buggy?
87
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:23,680
Remember? We picked you up last night,
said we were going on a trip?
88
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:24,931
No, and to where?
89
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:27,558
Six flags over the shittier parts
of Chernobyl?
90
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:29,102
Ferlin, West Virginia.
91
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:31,020
Yeah, and you and Ray are married.
92
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,398
[gasps] Oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God!
93
00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:36,067
-We're not actually--
-Actually, it'll be better if she thinks--
94
00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:38,361
-[squealing] We're married!
-Super.
95
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,113
-Ray, look out!
-[Cheryl screams]
96
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:45,660
Two questions, is that the sheriff,
and have you recently gone insane?
97
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,162
-Yes and no.
-Respectively?
98
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:51,082
Now, I know that ain't who I think it is.
99
00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:53,418
No shit, Ray Gillet.
100
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,211
-[Archer] Gillet?
-How in the hell are ya?
101
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:58,631
-Pretty good, E.Z. How you doin'?
-Oh, can't complain.
102
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:02,343
-Ain't nobody'd listen if I did. [laughs]
-[Archer laughs]
103
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,594
I hear that.
104
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:04,637
You hear what?
105
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,098
Not… that?
106
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,060
What brings you back up the holler?
107
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:15,315
Oh, you know, just wanted to show off
my pretty new bride to the home folks.
108
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:17,358
-[sniffs]
-[chuckles nervously]
109
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:20,403
-Mmm. She is that.
-[gulps]
110
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,739
For a minute there,
I was thinkin' maybe you'd come back
111
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:26,534
to help your brother out
with his… business concerns.
112
00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:30,496
-No, just back for a visit.
-Well, make sure it's a short one,
113
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,373
'cause believe me when I tell you,
114
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,375
ain't nothin you can do to help him.
115
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,878
[taps] Y'all drive safe now, hear?
116
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:41,090
Man, is it me or is he super-menacing?
117
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,258
Or super hot?
118
00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:44,677
Hey! Remember? We're married?
119
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,971
Not until it's consummated.
120
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,599
I'll drive if you wanna hop back there
and, um…
121
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:50,516
enter her.
122
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,480
So not only is Ray not paralyzed,
123
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:57,648
-but his brother is a drug dealer--
-Farmer.
124
00:05:57,732 --> 00:06:00,026
And he and Archer are
in West Virginia doing…
125
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,277
What the heck are they doing?
126
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,321
Fighting a war on the war on drugs?
127
00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,073
-Goddamn it!
-What?
128
00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:07,241
-You should've looked under the stalls!
-I did!
129
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:08,326
-Wait, I did.
-Yeah?
130
00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:10,495
I usually put my feet up on the grab bars.
131
00:06:10,578 --> 00:06:14,707
Ugh. Anyway, this is all
obviously unauthorized, but I promised Ray
132
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:16,501
-we'd cover for him, so--
-Hold up. Oh, no.
133
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:17,919
I'm not getting mixed up in this,
134
00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:20,797
-and if Ms. Archer asks me--
-[Malory] Why is it…
135
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,132
that every time I need
to use the restroom,
136
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,385
you people are in here
skulking around looking guilty?
137
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,678
Uh…
138
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,932
-I'll tell you why they look guilty.
-[clears throat]
139
00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:35,103
Because they, or we, I guess,
don't know how to tell you
140
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:38,940
that the break-in was a lot worse
than we thought.
141
00:06:39,023 --> 00:06:42,568
-How much worse?
-Uh, well, it's really hard to say--
142
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,278
But rest assured we are on it,
143
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,948
and Archer is on it, and… we're on it.
144
00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:49,158
Well, I want an update in one hour!
145
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:52,078
[sniffs] And why does it always reek
of paint?
146
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:55,873
[Ray] Well, there she is.
The old homestead.
147
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,668
-Jesus, what's my dowry? Tetanus?
-Hey, you know what?
148
00:06:58,751 --> 00:06:59,710
-[gunshot]
-Oh, Jesus!
149
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,171
[Randy] That's far enough,
you sons of bitches!
150
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,966
Randy, it's me, Ray! Your brother!
151
00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:08,761
-Don't you move. Don't move a inch.
-What do you mean, "Don't move"?
152
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,471
I came to help, you asshole!
153
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:13,433
Well, you ain't gonna be much help
with your legs blown off.
154
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,017
There's mines all in the yard.
155
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:18,104
Ray, to be honest,
I'm kinda having second thoughts
156
00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:20,148
-about this whole thing.
-Uh, get in line.
157
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,275
Randy Gillet, where are your manners?
158
00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:24,485
Get these folks a map
of that damn minefield
159
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:25,862
so they can come inside.
160
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:29,031
I got some nice hot pie for 'em.
161
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,367
Okay, now I'm having third thoughts.
162
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,702
Oh, please don't.
163
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,787
It would be rude not to eat her pie,
164
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:37,874
which I assume is not only hot,
but also moist.
165
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,168
Although hopefully not flaky.
166
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,548
And so, E.Z. gave me a choice,
167
00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:48,718
give him my whole dang operation
and get outta the holler by sundown,
168
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:52,513
or else him and his boys'll just take it
and grind me up into fertilizer.
169
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,807
-[Ray] Well--
-[chuckles] But listen to me just yappin'.
170
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:57,143
Tell me 'bout this pretty new wife
of yours.
171
00:07:57,226 --> 00:08:00,897
'Cause, uh, I'm kinda surprised
to see you married.
172
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,399
-[laughs]
-Homeboy knows what I'm talking 'bout.
173
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,484
-[laughs]
-He does?
174
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,570
-Oh…
-A New York City interior decorator?
175
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:08,863
That's what you went with?
176
00:08:08,946 --> 00:08:11,491
Bet you're up to your eyeballs
in poontang!
177
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:14,785
Oh, yeah, just so many… vaginas.
178
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:16,245
Oh, no offense, darlin'.
179
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:19,123
[coughs] None taken.
180
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:21,501
-Want some more of my pie, Mr. Archer?
-No!
181
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:22,418
-Yes!
-[coughs]
182
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:26,672
Thank you, Janelle, I would love
more of your moist and hot pie.
183
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,758
Well, then, open wide…
184
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:29,675
-[gun cocking]
-Oh!
185
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:32,428
Folks, we can't sit around
eatin' her pie all day.
186
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,096
We got a situation here.
187
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,681
[Lana] So, Krieger's running the logs
188
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,683
to see if any files were accessed
last night.
189
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,560
Who the hell could have done this?
190
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:42,522
Who knows? ODIN, the KGB--
191
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:44,732
-Actually--
-But this will take hours,
192
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:46,901
so we'll just bring you a report
when it's done.
193
00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:49,153
-Well, actually--
-Krieger. More type, less gripe.
194
00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:50,988
And has anyone heard from Sterling?
195
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:54,325
No… yes! He's out! On the case.
196
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:56,744
Well, I want some answers, and soon.
197
00:08:57,411 --> 00:08:59,622
And since there's nothing in these logs,
198
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,958
I too would like some answers.
199
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:04,335
So… here's the thing.
200
00:09:04,418 --> 00:09:07,922
If I can just get what I got
to my distributor, I can retire.
201
00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:09,882
Maybe move up to New York City with you.
202
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:11,384
I-- What, what, where? Do what?
203
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,219
[chuckles] I'm kiddin'.
204
00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:16,055
Last thing you want's
your redneck brother hangin' around.
205
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:17,723
No, no, it's not that, it's--
206
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,642
Plus, I'd rather kill myself.
207
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:21,602
Nothin' up there
but a bunch of you-know-whats.
208
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,146
[breathes in]
Yeah, there are a lot of 'em.
209
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,815
Don't see how you stand it.
210
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,401
Anyhow.
211
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,069
-Dude.
-[Cheryl] Awesome.
212
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:31,529
[Ray] Sweet, gracious God.
213
00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:33,656
[Randy] This here's what E.Z. wants.
214
00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:36,784
-How did you afford all this?
-Farm subsidy.
215
00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:40,079
He told the government he's growin' corn
for that high flooktose syrup.
216
00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:42,999
But damned if I'm gonna contribute
to the obesity epidemic.
217
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:44,959
-Hey, a man's gotta have a code.
-Right?
218
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:47,670
I put my heart and soul into this,
219
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:51,340
but now it's either roll over
for that sheriff like a dog, or fight
220
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,260
like a different, better dog.
221
00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:58,556
-So is it just E.Z. coming, or…
-No, the whole sheriff's department.
222
00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:02,393
I'd say 20 men, AR-15s, maybe grenades.
223
00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:04,103
Oh! Dogs. [chuckles] Duh.
224
00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:06,188
Ray, I'm having fourth thoughts.
225
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:09,025
Well, I got a few tricks up my sleeve.
226
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:13,321
Janelle, why don't you take Mr. Archer
and show him the defensive perimeter?
227
00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:15,823
-I'd be delighted.
-Whoa, no, wait a second.
228
00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,033
-Fifth thoughts.
-Archer!
229
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,160
Don't worry. She won't bite.
230
00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:21,579
But, speakin' of, it's about suppertime.
231
00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,080
You still partial to fried chicken?
232
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,373
-I, um--
-[snapping]
233
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,834
I'll cook it!
If someone shaves it or whatever.
234
00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:28,544
-[Janelle squealing]
-What? What in the--
235
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,046
Janelle? Janelle!
236
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,213
Randy, wait!
237
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:32,757
Dukes.
238
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:36,344
So, is there, like,
special chicken shaving cream, or…
239
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,512
I-- First of all, that is a rooster!
240
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:41,182
-Yeah, like Kenny Rogers Roosters.
-Roasters!
241
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,350
Randy, wait!
242
00:10:43,851 --> 00:10:44,769
Bawk-bawk.
243
00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:47,396
And just what the hell is this?
244
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,192
Well, I'll tell you what it's not,
which is, um, what it looks like.
245
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:52,360
I got caught on the fence,
246
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:54,153
and then Mr. Archer tried
to get me loose--
247
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:56,155
You better get your ass in that house.
248
00:10:57,865 --> 00:11:00,034
Do you wanna have sex with my wife?
249
00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:01,994
No, I swear, this was
250
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,580
just an extremely unlikely mishap
with the barbed wire.
251
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,540
'Cause we would be amenable to that.
252
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,169
Well? Why you look so nonplussed?
253
00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:13,506
Because I wasn't sure
if you knew what amenable actually meant,
254
00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:15,883
until you followed it up with nonplussed.
255
00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:18,677
See, me and Janelle got us
one of them open marriages,
256
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:21,430
-like in France.
-Oh, right, in Europe.
257
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,891
And I would really like that open marriage
258
00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:26,268
-to include Ray's new wife.
-What?
259
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,729
-Now, look, that's in the Bible.
-Really?
260
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,940
-Genesis 38, verse eight.
-Really?
261
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:34,610
But even though Ray used to be a preacher,
he was never big on the Old Testament.
262
00:11:34,693 --> 00:11:37,947
-I could see that.
-So I doubt he'd wanna reciprocate.
263
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:42,284
So, I just need you to keep him busy
while I have sex with his wife--
264
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:45,913
-And then I get to have sex with--
-My wife, you son of a bitch!
265
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:46,914
Yeah, I think I got--
266
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:49,792
-So, where the hell's your damn pants?
-They're on the fence!
267
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,377
Goddammit, Archer!
268
00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:52,878
-Wait, hang on.
-Archer, shut up!
269
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:56,590
Ray, he was… And then poor Janelle…
270
00:11:56,674 --> 00:12:00,302
[cries] Oh, oh!
I gotta go make sure she's okay.
271
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:04,432
-And you better have a talk with him.
-I-- [sighs] I will, Randy, I'm sorry.
272
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,350
A good long talk.
273
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:09,395
Like, talk for about 40, 45 minutes.
274
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:11,605
-Okay, so--
-Stop!
275
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,650
I have never, in my entire life,
276
00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:17,570
been as disgusted as I am at this moment.
277
00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:19,572
Well, give it a minute.
278
00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:21,699
What do you mean, a cyber-attack?
279
00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:25,202
Apparently the intruders downloaded
a virus into the mainframe…
280
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:28,289
[grunts] …so this all needs to come out.
281
00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:30,082
The mainframe is like Krieger's baby.
282
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,918
-How'd you get him to go in on this?
-I told him I'd get Pam
283
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:35,129
to fight in his ultimate bum shock-fights.
284
00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:37,840
Is it called that because paying
homeless men to fight
285
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:39,633
-is shocking?
-Nope.
286
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:43,137
-[electricity zaps]
-Well, hello there, game-changer.
287
00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:46,557
-He what?
-Yeah, apparently it's in the Bible?
288
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,894
-No, it isn't!
-It did sound too cool for the Bible.
289
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,104
Why do you care? A, you're gay,
290
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,148
and B,
you and Carol aren't really married.
291
00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:56,025
But Randy thinks we are!
292
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:58,277
Yeah, but-- That's actually
a really good point.
293
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,988
I am gonna beat him like a rented mule!
294
00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:03,574
Now that sounds like something
from the Bible.
295
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:05,993
-She in there?
-Yeah, where's mine at?
296
00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:07,161
Up in the woods with Ray.
297
00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:09,246
You gotta wait till later,
maybe after supper.
298
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,831
Remember, no kissing.
299
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:11,999
I was--
300
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:13,918
That is the weirdest rule.
301
00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:16,587
[Cheryl] I know, right? Some honeymoon.
302
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,380
Oh, hey, do I do the face?
303
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:21,217
And where the hell is Sterling
when I need him?
304
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,511
You've reached
Sterling Archer's voicemail.
305
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:24,887
-Please leave a message.
-[beeps]
306
00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:28,349
What? Finally, a non-idiotic greeting!
307
00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:30,351
Sterling, I want an update, so call me
308
00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:33,020
-the instant you get this mess--
-[beeps]
309
00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:34,480
[operator] The voice mailbox of…
310
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:35,898
[Archer] Sterling Archer.
311
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:37,775
[operator] …is full. Goodbye…
312
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:40,694
-[Archer] Idiot. [laughs]
-[growls]
313
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:41,904
[shattering]
314
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:43,322
-[squawking]
-[Janelle] Come here,
315
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:45,616
you skinny-legged son of a bitch!
316
00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:49,119
-Oh! Sorry.
-That's okay, they're not my best feature.
317
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:50,371
-No, I was--
-Not important.
318
00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:53,791
What is important is that
Randy gave me a Bible lesson.
319
00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:56,293
Yeah? And what did the Bible say?
320
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:57,753
Well, Janelle,
321
00:13:57,836 --> 00:14:00,714
obviously the actual scripture is
open to interpretation,
322
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:04,552
but what I took away from it is
that we should go in the barn
323
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:07,263
and screw our brains out
on a huge pile of marijuana.
324
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:09,974
It didn't say nothin'
about a rubber, did it?
325
00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:11,642
[chuckles] It did not.
326
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:16,063
-Ray's still up in the woods, right?
-Uh… oh.
327
00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:18,983
Uh, no, he actually said
he wanted to talk to--
328
00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:19,900
[Ray] Randy!
329
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,111
[Randy] Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Now, hang on a second.
330
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,238
-You wife-swappin' white trash piece of--
-Ray, no!
331
00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:25,489
-[gunshots]
-[Cheryl screams]
332
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:26,407
Randy!
333
00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:28,450
Yes, Randy.
334
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:31,161
Which I probably
should've mentioned earlier.
335
00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:33,747
-[squawks]
-Don't judge me.
336
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:35,541
Food.
337
00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:41,839
-You lucky I didn't kill you.
-You're lucky I didn't kill you!
338
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:43,757
While you were in bed with my wife!
339
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:45,926
Our marriage was never consummated!
340
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,511
And I think we all know why--
341
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:48,470
-Stop!
-Carol!
342
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,556
Look, there's plenty of blame
to go around here.
343
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:52,433
I mean, I don't think I deserve any, but--
344
00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:53,684
You were gonna screw her!
345
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,895
-Yeah, so? Is that still on, or…
-[scoffs]
346
00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:57,605
-Carol?
-What?
347
00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:59,815
Well, somebody!
Come on, promises were made.
348
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:03,110
Just like you promised Mama and Daddy
you'd always take care of me?
349
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:04,153
And here we go.
350
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,155
But they weren't even cold in the ground
351
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:08,073
before you were gallivantin'
around Europe.
352
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,576
-It was the Olympics!
-Which you lost!
353
00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:14,872
-Bronze medal is not losing.
-And then it was off to New York City.
354
00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:18,959
-You can just say New York.
-To be a hoity-toity interior decorator.
355
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,294
You can just say decorator.
356
00:15:20,377 --> 00:15:23,380
Whatever. I don't know why I thought
he could help save my farm.
357
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,884
Because your job?
That's a job for sissies!
358
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:29,470
-Oh, yeah? Well, guess what?
-Ray…
359
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:32,097
is not an interior decorator.
360
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:34,350
-I-- No, you know what?
-Yes, shut up.
361
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:39,063
Randy, your seemingly effeminate brother
is actually a highly-trained secret agent.
362
00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:40,314
[laughs] Pssh, yeah!
363
00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:45,402
And I'm… something equally hard
to believe is true.
364
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,571
It is true, that's why I married him.
365
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:49,740
-Well, and the bronze medal.
-Prove it.
366
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:51,200
What do you want, a business card?
367
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:54,078
Where do you think he got a duffel bag
full of assault weapons?
368
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:56,956
-Well, y'all do live in New York City.
-Just New York.
369
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,917
-Ray? Is he tellin' the truth?
-Mostly.
370
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:04,922
So, 'cause you're a spy, is that
why you never come back to visit?
371
00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:06,465
Mmm, also mostly.
372
00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:08,384
Ah, and here all this time,
373
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,886
I thought it was
'cause you were ashamed of us.
374
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,222
Oh, come on, why would you think that?
375
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:14,974
I found a bunch of your old diaries.
376
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,559
[chokes] Obviously not the one
with Miss Piggy on it.
377
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,311
No, Daddy said he burned that one.
378
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:23,649
-[sighs] Great.
-And I am sorry I screwed your wife.
379
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:26,902
And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel
like I was ashamed of you.
380
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,947
The important thing is
you came back to help me.
381
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,865
Come on, that's what family's all ab--
382
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:32,950
-[explosion]
-[women gasp]
383
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:34,159
-Shit!
-Oh, dammit!
384
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:38,747
Randy Gillet! This is sheriff E.Z. Ponder.
385
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,749
You come out there with your hands up!
386
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,668
Oh, that son of a bitch is early.
387
00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:45,838
I dunno, "sundown" sounds more colloquial
than, like, an actual--
388
00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:48,924
Well, if you wanna back out on me,
now's probably the time to do that.
389
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:53,178
Randy, you may be a racist,
homophobic, wife-swapping drug dealer…
390
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:55,931
-Farmer.
-…but nobody murders my brother.
391
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,726
The Gillet boys, side by side.
392
00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:02,062
Janelle, cover that winder yonder!
Archer, you got a little fight in you?
393
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:07,901
[burps] Ooh! Ugh.
394
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:11,113
Yeah, I'm pretty furious
about not getting to bang Janelle.
395
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,866
Plus, I wanna unleash
the power of moonshine.
396
00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:16,118
Then grab a gun and cover that winder!
397
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:17,578
[gasps] What should I do?
398
00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:20,039
I got some red hot pokers
layin' in that fire.
399
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:23,042
If anybody gets hit,
you grab one and slap iron to it.
400
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,084
Awesome.
401
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:26,253
And remember, it's us or them.
402
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,881
So this is how it's gonna be, huh?
403
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,841
Randy, I didn't want it like this.
404
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:33,218
Now, come on, I tried to reason with you.
405
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:34,386
Reason with this!
406
00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:38,057
All right, then. Light 'em up!
407
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,477
[Cheryl screams]
408
00:17:42,519 --> 00:17:44,480
-Ow!
-Janelle! Are you hit?
409
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:45,731
No, a piece of glass--
410
00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:48,275
-[screams]
-[laughs]
411
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,653
Well, don't just sit there! Shoot!
412
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:54,448
Ugh, I can't. Oh, I feel sick.
413
00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:56,492
What's happening? Do I have cancer again?
414
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:58,660
-You drank too much!
-That's a thing?
415
00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:01,330
Looks like it's just you and me, brother.
416
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,834
Randy, you don't have to do this.
417
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:09,379
They'll go easy on you.
Hell, the judge is my wife's cousin.
418
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:11,131
I bet he'll give you probation.
419
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:15,135
Oh, please! You're gonna murder him
so you can take over his dope farm.
420
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:17,387
What? Cease fire.
421
00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:18,472
Hold your fire!
422
00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:24,311
Why in the world would you think that I,
a peace officer, sworn to uphold the law,
423
00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:27,481
would wanna murder your brother
and get his marijuana farm?
424
00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:29,817
I-- Because that's what Randy said!
425
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,277
-Randy's a drug dealer!
-Farmer!
426
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:33,779
And I tried to get him to quit.
427
00:18:33,862 --> 00:18:37,658
I come to him as a friend,
I come to him as an elder of the church,
428
00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:39,034
but he wouldn't give it up.
429
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,495
And so now I gotta come to him as the law.
430
00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:44,289
And you accuse me of plannin' a murder?
431
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,959
Well, you did used to pick on me a bunch.
432
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:50,921
Well, I'm sorry.
I was a dick in high school.
433
00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:54,633
But you gotta admit,
you were extremely pick-on-able.
434
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:57,052
There's nothing wrong with Capezios!
435
00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:00,472
[sighs] Randy, is he telling the truth?
436
00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:02,516
-Mostly.
-Randy!
437
00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:04,768
You almost got me and my friends killed.
438
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:07,646
Because you could never be bothered
to get a real job.
439
00:19:07,729 --> 00:19:10,357
Well, I only got to ninth grade.
440
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,235
How the hell else was I supposed
to earn a livin'? Diggin' seng?
441
00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:17,030
There is a perfectly good coal mine
not a half-mile from here.
442
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:20,659
And maybe you wouldn't get rich,
but at least it's an honest living.
443
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:22,744
Yeah, but it's hard.
444
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,621
[sighs] So is this.
445
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:26,915
-Randy!
-Shut up.
446
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,333
And Mama never liked you.
447
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,752
E.Z., don't shoot! I'm comin' out!
448
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,838
[giggles] Phrasing.
449
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:36,091
[sighs] Here's the files you had me pull.
450
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,509
-[zaps]
-Ow!
451
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,469
What the hell is on your hands?
452
00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:40,637
My bum-zappers.
453
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:42,347
For the shock-fights?
454
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:44,641
That I'm doing for Krieger,
455
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:47,227
which is why he broke the server,
to help Lana cover up
456
00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,771
that Ray and Mr. Archer are killing cops
for a drug dealer,
457
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,899
and also Ray's been faking
that he's paralyzed?
458
00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:55,277
[yells] Lana!
459
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,946
Or… are we not telling you that?
460
00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:03,827
[whimpers] No, thank God you guys got here
before they started killing hostages!
461
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,495
Which would have been us!
462
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:06,747
As the hostages!
463
00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:08,665
You lyin'-ass bitch!
464
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,834
[normal voice] She's mad
because I slept with Randy…
465
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:14,588
[cries] …to get food
for my fellow hostages.
466
00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:18,091
So, uh… you really think you can fix it
so I just get probation?
467
00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:19,885
Oh, God, no. I just said that.
468
00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:24,139
All these drugs and weapons,
attempted murder of police officers,
469
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,974
you'll probably die in prison.
470
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,518
Oh. Will you come visit me?
471
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:30,187
[sighs] Probably not.
472
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:31,813
'Cause you're a spy and all?
473
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:34,316
-Um…
-He's a highly-trained secret agent.
474
00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:36,860
Is that right? Well, listen here.
475
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:40,072
If you ever find your way
back up in the holler,
476
00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:41,949
give me a call.
477
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:44,368
-Uh…
-I think I got myself
478
00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:47,454
an extra pair of Capezios
layin' around somewheres.
479
00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:49,581
Ah… okay.
480
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,375
Should I-- just, just 911?
481
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:53,919
-All right, let's move 'em out.
-[car starts]
482
00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:57,965
Well, that's just great.
Everybody gets laid in the holler but me.
483
00:20:58,048 --> 00:20:59,258
[hen squawks]
484
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:00,968
Well, and you, I guess.
485
00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:03,136
Since I ate your husband.
486
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,807
Dan Lather. [giggles]
487
00:21:07,724 --> 00:21:09,726
[theme music playing]
38484
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