Original subtitles

[TENSE MUSIC]

[LAUGHTER]

[CRASHING]

[TENSE MUSIC]

[SIRENS] [TENSE MUSIC] (dramatic music)

- Did he show?

- No.

- What if he doesn't come?

- It's no big deal.

I'll tell the story.

Did he really start a fight in school?

All I know is something happened

and he got sent to the principal.

- I bet he's grounded.

- What a jerk, why did he start a fight?

- And that's the kind of

thinking that makes me nuts.

- What did you do?

I know you got cool.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

How come whenever

something nasty goes down,

I take the heat?

It's like I'm guilty

till proven innocent.

- Because you're usually guilty?

- No, just because somebody

does some things sometimes

doesn't mean he does

everything all the time.

Forget it.

All right, I got a

story about this very thing.

It's about a guy

who's a little different.

He doesn't go along with

what's normal, you know?

People don't like

things that aren't normal.

It makes them uncomfortable,

but that's the way my guy likes it.

That is, until he gets into trouble

and he has nowhere to turn.

And the only person who believes in him

is the one person who

should fear the most.

Submitted for the

approval of the Midnight Society.

I call this story

The Tale of Vampire Town.

(dramatic music)

(explosion)

- Hello.

Coming, coming.

Mysterio Funeral Home.

Oh, hi, honey.

Yeah, yeah, I'm on my way.

No, no, I won't forget the milk.

Yeah.

See you soon.

(explosion)

(dramatic music)

(explosion)

(explosion)

(explosion)

(groans) (explosion)

(whimpers)

(explosion)

(dramatic music)

Tonight I arrive in

Mysterio, the fabled vampire town.

Only last week there was a vampire attack

in this quiet hamlet.

Could it be that Dreyfus,

the greatest vampire of all,

has returned?

Legend has it that he

slept in the cat combs

beneath Mysterio for centuries.

If this is true and he has

indeed risen from his grave,

I will do everything

in my power to meet him.

Face to face.

Dad, take it easy.

I mean, Father, please take care.

- Sorry, Mr. Legosi.

- Lunchtime.

You know I only eat red meat.

- Yeah, peanut butter

sticks to the fangs.

- If I'm going to hunt vampires,

then I need to think like a vampire.

And I don't think that

they eat peanut butter.

(dramatic music)

Mysterio, one mile.

- You sure you wanna go to this place?

I mean, I got field seats

for the Jets game tomorrow.

- Honey, this is Adder's call.

- Yeah, but field seats.

- This is a family trip.

We agreed as a family to

let Adder choose the place.

- Yeah, yeah.

Transylvania, here we come.

(dramatic music)

- This is the place?

- Just as I imagined it.

- Better have cable.

- Ugh, what is that smell?

- Raven's blood, nightshade and mandrake,

a vampire delicacy from Romania.

They can't resist it.

- He gets this from

your side of the family.

(dramatic music)

- Why does he always make fun of me?

- You're a great kid, Adder.

But we just don't

understand this fascination

with vampires.

- I'm sorry, if I'm not

the son, you want me to be.

- All we want is for you to be happy.

And if that means

dressing up and carrying around

bottles of stinky

vampire goo, then go for it.

(dramatic music)

Come on.

- I can't, not till after sunset.

- Right, gotta think like a vampire.

You know vampires aren't real, don't you?

- That's what we're here to find out.

(bell ringing)

- A cheery spot.

Someone should open a window.

We never opened a curtains.

- Sunlight damages our antiques.

- But you do have cable, right?

- And running water.

- Perfect, we booked two rooms.

- It should be under the name Carbio.

- Sign the book, please.

And your other guest?

- He'll be here after sunset.

- Don't ask.

What's this about this

town being full of vampires?

Old fables, like the witches of Salem.

I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

- We heard there was a

vampire attack last week.

- Do you believe in vampires?

- Of course not.

- Neither do I, neither

does anyone else in Wisteria.

We've been fighting

those rumors for years.

It keeps the tourists away.

- Or in our case, it attracts them.

- Still, people

believe what they want to.

- Speaking for the citizens of Wisteria,

we'd appreciate it if you

wouldn't spread silly rumors.

- Memo to self, don't ask

the hotel guy about vampires.

- He's gonna love at her.

(dramatic music)

- I wouldn't fool around

in that getup if I were you.

- Show me to my room.

- Number 16, up the stairs to the left.

- I want to see the catacombs.

- Catacombs?

They've been closed for years.

- Closed?

I mean, show me.

I understand there's an entrance in the

basement of this inn.

Hey, so that the way?

- The catacombs are sealed up.

Why are you so interested?

- Let's just say I have an

appointment with destiny.

(dramatic music)

- Carl, Stanley, did you get

a look at what attacked you

the other night?

Too bad, because somebody just checked in

that's making me very nervous.

- My father looks at me

like I were from another world.

Perhaps I am.

Or should be.

The catacombs are

sealed, but that won't stop me.

Tonight, while everyone

sleeps, I will find Dreyfus.

If he exists.

- You'll add her.

What are you writing?

- Nothing.

- You're writing something?

- You just make fun of

it, like everything else.

- Well, hunting vampires is pretty goofy.

- Let's talk about something else.

- Well, I'm turning in.

- What are we up

planning to talk about tomorrow?

- Yeah, the real yak fest.

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music)

(birds chirping)

- Unreal.

(dramatic music)

- You sure he's the one who jumped me?

Why else would he be coming down here?

We got him, all right.

(dramatic music) (dramatic music)

- Wow.

I'm gonna be famous.

Dreyfus, he's really here.

- Don't move, you devil.

I thought we saw the last day.

Your kind ages ago.

- My kind, what are you, hey, whoa, whoa.

I'm not a vampire.

Look out!

(screaming)

- Stuck.

Come on, I know another way.

(dramatic music)

- Cover the south

tunnel, I'll track the door.

Who would do we do when we get him?

- Stink the vampire.

- What am I doing?

I gotta be crazy.

(screaming)

(footsteps)

Who are you?

- Dreyfus.

- Dreyfus.

You're real?

- Here, I never

thought I'd really find you.

- That what I expected.

- I need to feed.

- Feed?

- Hey, whoa, not me.

Back off.

- Here.

(dramatic music)

- There.

Wait, I swear I'm not a vampire.

I'm a vampire hunter.

- Look at him, he looks like a vampire.

- Stay dead, stay dead.

(screaming)

- Where am I?

(dramatic music)

Ow.

(growling)

(screaming)

- Oh, gross.

- He must have come up here.

- You're right, he came up through here.

- That's how he nearly

got you the other night.

- He can't be far.

Let's split up.

- I can't help it.

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music)

- We've got you now.

- He wasn't in the--

- It's okay, he can't get away.

- Wait, I swear I'm not a vampire.

My name is Zadar Carbayo.

My parents are staying at your inn.

- You vampires are all the same,

real brave until

you're about to get staked.

- No, look, my reflection, kissy.

Hello.

- Don't let him fool you.

- Why don't you rats

leave our town alone?

- I'm not a vampire, but I'm a kid.

I go to Westport High, ninth grade.

This, this, this is an act.

So, so.

- So what?

- So I can pretend.

I wanted to see if vampires are real.

And they are, I found one.

- So did we.

And we're gonna send you

back where you came from.

(screaming)

(coughing)

- Dreyfus.

- Dylie!

Somebody help me!

- Dreyfus, over here.

Raven's blood, nightshade and Andraic,

all the way from Romania.

Just for you, better

than blood, isn't it?

And you, you haven't

eaten in a long, long time.

Come and get it.

(panting)

(dramatic music)

(gasping)

(thunder rumbling)

(screaming)

(gasping)

- You, you saved my life.

- Yeah, I guess I did.

- So, it was Dreyfus all along.

I never thought I'd find him.

It was all just a dumb game.

- It's not a game here, son.

There are dozens of

vampires buried down below.

We don't usually have

problems, but every so often.

- So, this really is vampire town.

- I'm sorry, kid.

If there's anything I can

do to make it up to you.

- Actually, there is.

You can tell that hotel guy

that I'm not really a vampire.

- Stanley?

That little weasel ran away, didn't he?

- Yeah, he really is kind of a weenie.

(laughing) (dramatic music)

- Bill, this place

isn't so bad after all.

- And today's gonna

be about Adder, right?

- Adder?

- Yes, Adder.

- Our Adder?

- Adder?

- Hey guys, how'd you sleep?

- Terrific.

You feeling okay?

- I couldn't be better.

- Good.

You ready to go check

out those catacombs?

- You really go with me?

- Oh, it's a little

weird, but if you're into it,

who am I to judge?

- Well, thanks a lot, Dad.

But they're closed.

- Really?

Ah, gee, too bad.

So, let's do something else.

- Um, I thought maybe we

could use those giant tickets.

- You're kidding.

You wanna go to the game?

- But what about the vampire hunt?

- The cave I saw.

- It's over.

- You sure?

- Positive.

- Well, let's hit it.

We'll make it in time for kickoff.

- I'll be right there.

(upbeat music)

- Hello?

Hello, Adder.

- Hey, thanks for not saying anything

to my parents about last night.

I don't think they'd understand.

- I'll never breathe a word.

- In case you run into any more vampires.

- How kind.

- Well, bye. (dramatic music)

Oh, you know, there's

something that I don't get.

If Dreyfus only arose last night,

then who attacked Mr. Mueller last week?

- I was hoping people

would think it was you.

- Yeah, but we, uh...

Wait.

What do you mean, "hoping"?

- It's getting harder and

harder to get by undetected.

- I'm not sure. - I'm not sure. - I'm not sure. - I'm not sure. - I'm not sure. - I'm not sure. - I'm not sure. - I hope you like vampire town

because you'll be

staying here a long, long time.

(dramatic music)

- And that's the end.

- That was good.

- That was great.

- Great story.

- Well, meeting's over.

We're outta here.

I'm so sorry.

- I'm so sorry. - I'm so sorry. - I'm so sorry. - I'm so sorry. - I'm so sorry. - I'm so sorry. - I'm sorry, Quinn.

It wasn't fair to think

you started the fight.

- It's okay.

- Yeah, me too, dude.

I wasn't thinking.

- Don't worry about it.

- All right.

- See ya.

- So, who did start the fight?

- I did, but hey, the guy deserved it.

He didn't have my lunch.

- Yep, I kinda figured.

- That's cause you're a

smart guy, just like me.

(sighs)

(upbeat music)