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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:08,800 [Archer] Lana. 2 00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:09,968 Lana. 3 00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:11,803 -[inhales deeply] -Let me go ahead 4 00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:13,513 and save you the trouble of shouting my name 5 00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:15,140 -like a shrill five-year-old... -Shrill? 6 00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:18,560 ...and point out that I'm a little busy doing both our jobs. 7 00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:21,563 Which I'd be helping you with if I could find the goddamn cherries. 8 00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:22,647 What cherries? 9 00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:24,482 The maraschino cherries, Lana. I-- 10 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,693 We are entering the atmosphere of an uncharted planet 11 00:00:26,776 --> 00:00:29,487 at a couple thousand miles per hour to check out a distress beacon 12 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,823 and you're talking to me about cherries? 13 00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:33,742 She said. Dryly. 14 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:36,703 Sorry, I didn't invent how to make a whiskey sour, Lana. 15 00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:37,787 Here's an idea. 16 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,498 Maybe try inventing not doing that right now. 17 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,542 God, lighten up. It's a road trip. 18 00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:44,753 Who goes on a road trip without a few cocktails? 19 00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:47,338 -Look-- -Trick question, Lana. No one does. 20 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:50,467 -This isn't-- -The time to try new things. Exactly. 21 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,802 Especially when we're going a thousand miles per-- 22 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,512 -[thudding] -Goddamn it. 23 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:55,847 [alarm blaring] 24 00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:58,600 [automated voice] System failure. System failure. 25 00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,018 Autopilot is out. 26 00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:01,394 [groans] I got it. 27 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,565 What is happening? 28 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:07,734 -Goddamn it! -[Cyril whimpering] 29 00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:09,486 What the hell's going on up there? 30 00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:13,073 Don't look at me! Talk to Captain Road Trip over here! 31 00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:15,283 What? Oh, how is this suddenly my fault? 32 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,662 We're coming in hot! Everyone, hang on! 33 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,581 Hey, if you happen to see any cherries back there-- 34 00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:22,916 Oh, God, give it a rest. 35 00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:24,709 You give it a rest. 36 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:30,298 [all shouting] 37 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,092 [crashes] 38 00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:47,273 -[Cheryl laughing] -[coughs] 39 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:48,858 Holy shitsnacks! 40 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,944 [bottle rolling] 41 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:53,238 [bottle clinks] 42 00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:55,573 Never mind. Found the cherries. 43 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,536 [theme music playing] 44 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:39,576 So, got some good news and some bad news. 45 00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:43,371 Any chance you're gonna tell us what it is? 46 00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:45,915 Oh, right. The bad news is, comms are dead, 47 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,586 and the fuel cell's ruptured, so we're not going anywhere anytime soon. 48 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,713 Hang on. You mean we're frickin' stranded? 49 00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:55,550 [scoffs] Not stranded, dummy. He said "soon." 50 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,260 Though, I technically meant ever. 51 00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:58,428 Then, what's the good news? 52 00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,847 Hmm. Guess it was mostly just bad news. 53 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:01,973 Dammit, Krieger! 54 00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:04,517 God, relax. He said "mostly." 55 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:07,854 So, completely inoperable. 56 00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,439 Um, what are you doing? 57 00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:12,525 Oh, uh, since our insurance claims keep getting denied, 58 00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:15,320 Ms. Archer has put me in charge of the paperwork. 59 00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:19,115 Cause of accident: barely functional alcoholism. 60 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,575 -Hey! -All right, listen up. 61 00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:23,786 Let's salvage what we can from the shuttle and find the distress beacon. 62 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:27,206 It's probably a downed ship, so maybe there's a fuel cell we can use. 63 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:30,460 Way ahead of you... on the "salvage what you can" part. 64 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,045 Unbelievable. 65 00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:34,881 [snickers] Right? What are the chances lemons would survive the-- 66 00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:37,425 Can you please focus? 67 00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:41,179 Why? Mother's probably putting together a rescue plan as we speak. 68 00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:42,680 -[lounge music playing] -[computer beeping] 69 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:46,893 Mm, should probably check on why their comms are down. 70 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:50,647 Meh, feels like it can wait. 71 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,942 [sighs] Everything can wait. 72 00:03:57,278 --> 00:03:59,864 [smacks lips, sighs] Speaking of, anybody want in on this? 73 00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:01,157 I'm about to make another batch. 74 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,867 -Seriously? -Road trip. 75 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,286 Which we may be on forever if we're stranded here. 76 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,538 Oh, take it easy, Lana. It'll be fine. 77 00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:10,792 And this blithe optimism is based on what, exactly? 78 00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:13,211 Because this is me we're talking about. 79 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,545 Wildly reassuring. 80 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:17,882 Trust me on this. I have mastered the art of blind luck. 81 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:21,886 No offense to your blind luck, but it might be nice to have a plan B. 82 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:24,222 Why? Seriously, do you have any idea 83 00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:26,975 how many times I should have literally died in the last year? 84 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:28,893 -Wow me. -Krieger, tell her. 85 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,645 Including that thing last week? 86 00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:32,814 Hey, this is totally safe, right? 87 00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:35,650 -Technically? -As in actually, Krieger. 88 00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:38,319 Kind of feels like probably. To both of those. 89 00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:39,404 [Archer] Whoa, whoa, wait. What? 90 00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:41,781 -Then, nine. -Boosh. 91 00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:43,157 Please tell me there's a point. 92 00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:46,494 Point is, if you hit pause on your whole angry negativity thing... 93 00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:47,745 Angry what? 94 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:51,541 ...for, like, one second, you'd notice we always end up fine. 95 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,626 [creature snarling] 96 00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,426 Though we may be pushing our luck at this point. 97 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:03,636 [crunching ice] 98 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:08,933 [panting] Christ on a cracker. Is this whole frickin' planet uphill? 99 00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,852 [gasps] Jesus, is that a thing? 100 00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:13,646 At least it means we're not totally lost going in circles. 101 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:16,316 -Though not feeling entirely un-lost. -[beeping] 102 00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:19,652 We're not lost, idiots. I know how to work the whatchamahickey. 103 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:23,031 Really? Because "whatchamahickey" doesn't inspire tons of confidence. 104 00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,699 It's technically a whatchamacallit. 105 00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:26,993 Or am I being too negative? 106 00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:29,037 -When are you not? -All the time, jackass! 107 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,872 Oh, and there's the angry part. 108 00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:31,956 -Look-- -Face it, Lana. 109 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,833 Angry's basically your default setting. 110 00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:35,835 -Says who? -Besides everybody? 111 00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:37,336 Well, not everybody. 112 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,421 Thank you. 113 00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:40,465 [chuckling] Just the people who've actually met you. 114 00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:42,258 Yeah, possibly a few others. 115 00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:45,386 Hey, assholes. I'm not, like, perpetually angry! 116 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,263 [laughs] Really? 117 00:05:47,346 --> 00:05:48,347 Yes, really. 118 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,432 Scale of one to ten, Lana, 119 00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,601 how happy would you say you are in general? 120 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:52,935 Oh, easily a six. 121 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,021 A six? Then what's a seven, 122 00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:57,023 "Yay, I've got tons of cancer"? 123 00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:58,107 Like you're any better. 124 00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,401 Seriously? I'm always a total nine. 125 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:01,527 [scoffs] Please. 126 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:06,115 I'm buoyant, Lana, bordering on bubbly. Listen to how I talk. There's a tone. 127 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,493 -A tone? -Yes, Lana, a tone. 128 00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:11,079 Notice how my sentences go up at the end? 129 00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:13,372 Oh, yeah, you mean like, "Shut the hell up?" 130 00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,750 -[device beeping] -Exa-- Dammit. Ow! 131 00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:18,377 Ha! Now, I'm a seven, by the way. 132 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,463 [creature snarling] 133 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:24,634 And now, I'm a two. 134 00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:26,886 [footsteps stomping] 135 00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:29,222 So which part of the blind luck plan is this? 136 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:31,140 Um, I think this is the part where you-- 137 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,975 [screaming] Shit! 138 00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:36,312 Finally! Some freaking downhill. 139 00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:37,396 [thud] 140 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,857 [rapid beeping] 141 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,902 Blind luck, you are my spirit animal. 142 00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:50,618 Holy spacesnacks. What the hell happened? 143 00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,954 Hopefully nothing a fuel cell couldn't survive. 144 00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:54,997 Yeah, otherwise we're pretty much screwed. 145 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:58,334 Easy, Debbie Downer. No one wants to go to your dark place right now. 146 00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:00,628 -You know-- -Yeah, but she's right. 147 00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:04,966 We only have enough food for a few days. Then what? We sit around and starve? 148 00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:08,344 [scoffs] Please, whoever survives the culling will have plenty of food. 149 00:07:08,427 --> 00:07:11,055 -The what? -Uh, the culling? 150 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,890 You know, where people suffocate in their sleep 151 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,684 with gross, sweaty socks stuffed in their mouths 152 00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:17,520 or get accidentally stabbed in the neck while they pee or whatever? 153 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,232 -What? -The details make it weird. 154 00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:22,358 Just the details? 155 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:26,362 Section seven, possible post-accident injuries. 156 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:29,031 Uh, that's "culling" with a C, right? 157 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,576 Look, idiots, there's gotta be a fuel cell around here somewhere. 158 00:07:31,659 --> 00:07:33,536 They're basically impossible to destroy. 159 00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:36,956 Unless the pilot spills a cocktail all over the flight controls. 160 00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:39,625 Yeah, but what are the odds their pilot was that kick-ass? 161 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:42,170 Perhaps better than you think. 162 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:47,133 -[Lana] Holy... -[Pam] Shitsnacks. 163 00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:48,551 Ooh, fascinating. 164 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,136 Now, I'm an eight. 165 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,431 [Lana] How is this possible? 166 00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:55,808 [Cyril] It-- It isn't. This is insane. 167 00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:59,479 Obviously. I mean, who shaves off hair like this? 168 00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,272 [laughs] 169 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:02,899 Idiot. 170 00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:11,407 [Lana] Okay, there's gotta be a logical explanation. 171 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,826 Lana, there's nothing logical about shaving-- 172 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,786 Not talking about your hair, dumbass. 173 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,705 None of this makes any sense. 174 00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:20,875 Uh, ever consider the fact we're obviously ghosts 175 00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:23,377 looking at our own stupid dead bodies? 176 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,421 We're not ghosts, dick nuts. 177 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,298 How do you-- Ow! 178 00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:30,510 Buy a girl a drink first. Jesus. 179 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:33,179 Is anyone here familiar with multiverse theory? 180 00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:34,680 How about pretend we're not? 181 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,600 Long story short, this may be a parallel universe, 182 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:40,603 making these our doppelgangers. 183 00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:41,771 Doppel-what? 184 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,898 Sort of like everyone's alter egos. 185 00:08:43,981 --> 00:08:46,067 [sighs] Not everyone's. 186 00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:48,152 Yeah. Where's yours, Krieger? 187 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:50,404 Huh. Maybe doppel-Krieger survived. 188 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:53,449 Yeah, and maybe he killed everybody. 189 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,494 [chuckling nervously] Please, why would I ever finally do that? 190 00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:58,287 [static crackling] 191 00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,539 What the hell? 192 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:02,583 -[alarm blaring] -Mayday, Mayday. 193 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:05,795 This is Sterling Archer of the MV Seamus, and we are going down. 194 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:09,465 Repeat, we are going down. Transmitting our location now. 195 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:14,387 And on a personal note, whoever gets this, please know my only regret is... 196 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:15,930 The hair, obviously. 197 00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:17,056 [all] Shut up! 198 00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:19,433 ...I wasn't able to save my valiant crew, 199 00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:23,688 my dear friends Cyril, Pam, Krieger, Ray, Crystal... 200 00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:26,023 Oh, my God, totally forgot about the Crystal thing. 201 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:29,986 ...I love you all dearly. Truly the best friends a guy could have. 202 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,529 -Aw. -Oh, my God, give me-- 203 00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:32,613 [all] Shut up! 204 00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,908 But most of all, I'll miss my wife, Lana. 205 00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,369 You're the greatest thing that ever happened to me. 206 00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:41,038 I wrote you this poem I want to read. 207 00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,708 It's called "I'll Never Stop--" 208 00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:45,793 Totally embarrassing yourself? 209 00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,587 -[all] Come on! -Oh, God! 210 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,880 You realize, theoretically, that was you, right? 211 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,966 How? He's nothing like me. 212 00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:54,885 Got a point. He did seem entirely non-self-absorbed. 213 00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:56,512 Exactly. Wait, what? 214 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,222 And weirdly, not a dick. 215 00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,224 You're weirdly not a dick. 216 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:01,309 Makes no sense. 217 00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:05,187 Yeah. That other Archer was refreshingly friendly. 218 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,189 Yeah, like what you think matters, Cyril. 219 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,524 And we're back. 220 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:12,570 And is it just me, or was that shaved head thing super working? 221 00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:13,654 Totally. 222 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:14,780 -Kasploosh! -I was into it. 223 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:17,241 Just sit there and be into the non-hair-having, 224 00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:18,868 clearly castrated version of me 225 00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:21,912 while I go find a fuel cell to get us all out of here, 226 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:26,917 which, PS, is pretty much the opposite of self-absorbed. 227 00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:33,841 So, how's the bubbly thing going? Still sporting that nine? 228 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:35,551 [timidly] No. 229 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,637 [creature snarling] 230 00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,556 [footsteps stomping] 231 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:50,775 Are you making any of the following claims for emotional distress? 232 00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:53,235 Yes, yes, yes-- Well, these are all yes. 233 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,904 -[metal creaking] -[screams] 234 00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,239 [all screaming] 235 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,825 [ship creaking] 236 00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:01,827 [thuds] 237 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,580 Shit, I'm heavy. 238 00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:06,832 [creature snarls] 239 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,795 [all screaming] 240 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,004 Incoming. 241 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:20,221 [roars] 242 00:11:22,556 --> 00:11:25,476 [muffled] So, I officially quit. 243 00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:27,645 And speaking of good news, 244 00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:31,148 I assume finding this crammed up my ass qualified? 245 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,234 Is that a fuel cell? Oh, thank God. 246 00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:35,194 Shut up, Cyril. You still don't matter. 247 00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:38,989 [laughs] It's funny 'cause it's true. 248 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,866 [footsteps stomping] 249 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,536 [Krieger] Okay, got some good news and bad news. 250 00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:44,620 [snarls] 251 00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:47,623 Bad news is, that thing's not going anywhere. 252 00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:48,916 And the good news? 253 00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,794 Mm, I swear I had something for this. 254 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:53,129 -[all] Krieger! -Great. 255 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,297 Making us pretty much screwed. 256 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,549 Easily a six. 257 00:11:56,632 --> 00:12:00,052 -Shut it. -And let the culling begin! 258 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,178 Okay. 259 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:06,559 Maybe instead of culling each other, we should come up with an actual plan. 260 00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:09,520 Like, obviously someone needs to go out there and distract that thing 261 00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:11,730 while everyone else gets away. And I vote Pam. 262 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,816 What? Screw you, dick nuts! 263 00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,359 -What? -Why me? 264 00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:16,485 Because look at you, Pam. 265 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,029 That thing's not gonna want to eat... that. 266 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:22,450 Well, you either! 'Cause who'd want to eat a complete dick? 267 00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,118 Just gonna softball it in like that? 268 00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:26,370 Sorry I didn't invent appetizing, Pam. 269 00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:30,958 Yeah, well, I'm sorry we ended up with the complete asshole version of you. 270 00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:34,295 Oh, what? You'd rather have touchy-feely bald guy? 271 00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:35,379 -[overlapping chatter] -100%. 272 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,423 -No contest. -Fine. Know what? 273 00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:39,967 [grunts] You want him? 274 00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:45,222 [grunts] Then come and get him! 275 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,724 Boom. Wordplay. 276 00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:47,850 [roars] 277 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,059 Now run, idiots! 278 00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,938 [creature snorting] 279 00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:54,607 [leaves rustling] 280 00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:57,151 [Lana] So, was it weird? 281 00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:59,487 Probably. Wait, what are we talking about? 282 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,031 You know, watching your alter ego get eaten by a giant lizard. 283 00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,783 Please. If that guy was really my alter ego, Lana, 284 00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:07,828 he would have been something really cool like a secret agent 285 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,497 or a private detective or a-- 286 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,290 [rustling] 287 00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:20,174 Oh, my God! You guys are alive! Archer! 288 00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:22,092 Oh, God. Get it off. 289 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:23,552 And your hair! 290 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,930 -Right? -It's glorious. 291 00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:27,515 Aw, wait a minute. 292 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,266 Doppelganger multiverse theory? 293 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,559 Ha-ha, exactly. 294 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,103 And the rest of my crew's... dead? 295 00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,940 -Exactly. -Oh, like you didn't kill them. 296 00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:38,776 [chuckling nervously] What? Why would I ever do that finally? 297 00:13:38,859 --> 00:13:39,985 -Right? -Besides-- 298 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:43,531 You know what? What do you say we take this half-assed reunion on the road 299 00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:46,367 before that Tyrannosaurus whatever shows up for seconds? 300 00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,077 -Fascinating. -What? 301 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,287 Our Lana had a lot of angry energy too. 302 00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:51,789 Ha! Hilarious. 303 00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:53,082 Oh, is it? 304 00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,543 And that was no Tyrannosaurus rex you saw. 305 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:59,046 I mean, unless a T. rex is capable of camouflaging itself perfectly 306 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:01,131 in any surroundings with chameleon-like... 307 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,846 Oh, shit, it's right behind me, isn't it? 308 00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:10,057 [snarling] 309 00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:18,440 So, how's that whole blind luck thing working out? 310 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:19,859 [creature snarling] 311 00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,026 [all shouting] 312 00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,112 No, me! 313 00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:29,952 [laughs] You tell me. 314 00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,036 [snarling] 315 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,836 [roaring] 316 00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,338 Uh, I mean, seriously, Lana. 317 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,841 At some point, you really gotta ask yourself-- 318 00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:45,009 It's not the time. 319 00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:49,680 If maybe the luckiest spot in the galaxy is standing right next to me. 320 00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:52,224 Got a whole bunch of wedding photos that say otherwise. 321 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,226 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 322 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,103 [panting] 323 00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:57,229 We have wedding photos? 324 00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,773 Oh, yeah. Big box of 'em labeled "Cautionary Tale," 325 00:14:59,857 --> 00:15:01,859 which is what this whole thing's gonna turn into 326 00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:04,111 if we can't find our way back to the ship. 327 00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:06,780 How the hell? 328 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:10,284 I've learned not to ask. Now, let's get the hell out of here. 329 00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:12,369 Wait, what are you talking about? We can't just fly off. 330 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:15,664 What? Then why have I been lugging this thing around all this time? 331 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,083 No. I mean we can't just leave everyone. 332 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:20,002 Of course we're not, Lana. 333 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,504 -[creature snarls] -Assuming they get here on time. 334 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,256 Wow, such an asshole. 335 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:25,883 -What? -Could you try 336 00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:30,262 not being completely consumed with yourself for once in your life? 337 00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:31,847 Why? 338 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,727 Wait, I don't want to go wandering around a man-eating jungle, 339 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:40,439 and suddenly, I'm the asshole? How does that even work? 340 00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,528 Oh, I know. 341 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,864 Maybe I should shave my head and take up poetry 342 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:52,701 and see how many things I can rhyme with "soul-sucking" and-- 343 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,703 [Cyril] Lana! 344 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:57,831 Lana! 345 00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,167 What are you guys doing? 346 00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:03,587 Well, we were hiding from that stupid, giant lizard thingy. 347 00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:06,382 But now, thanks to your loud-as-shit ass-- 348 00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:08,342 -[camouflage powers down] -Not so much. 349 00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:10,260 [roars] 350 00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:12,054 -Holy-- -Shit. 351 00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,223 Oh, wait. 352 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,769 Oh, what are you doing, woman? 353 00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:20,896 Besides pissing it off even more! 354 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,190 And totally killing our earballs! 355 00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:25,526 -What? -See? 356 00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:26,610 [snarling] 357 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,362 -[Pam screams] -[Krieger] Oh, damn it! 358 00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:32,032 [rumbling] 359 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,121 [snarls] 360 00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:40,624 Good God! What the hell is it doing now? 361 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,209 I don't know, moving on to plan B? 362 00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:44,712 Yeah, B, as in burying us alive. 363 00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:49,800 [roars] 364 00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:54,013 [roars] 365 00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,890 Okay. Who brought the dog? 366 00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:58,767 [snarls] 367 00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:02,479 -[rumbling] -[Archer grunts] 368 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,064 [yelling] 369 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:06,358 Dammit. 370 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,986 [all shouting] 371 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,739 [creature snarls] 372 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:12,906 [Archer screams] 373 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:14,658 [groans] 374 00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:33,093 [creature screeching] 375 00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:46,190 Well, look who decided not to be a total dick. 376 00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:48,692 Just couldn't leave my buddy Cyril behind. 377 00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,027 Wait, really? 378 00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:51,570 Of course not, idiot. 379 00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:54,948 And yet, you had the time to stop and make a cocktail. 380 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:58,077 God, you are just so glass-half-empty. 381 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,954 Oh, actually, me too, so just gonna freshen this up. 382 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,885 [Malory] Item one. 383 00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:17,179 -Item what? -Yeah, what are we even doing? 384 00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:18,889 It's called an agenda. 385 00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:20,974 -For what? -So confused right now. 386 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:24,770 I swear, you people. Item one. 387 00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:26,980 The insurance company has officially deemed 388 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,233 the Seamus II a total loss, 389 00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:33,445 so this little enterprise may actually turn a profit this year. 390 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:35,697 What are you talking about? 391 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:36,782 The other crew. 392 00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:40,369 Hang on. I thought those were our parallel universe doppel-bangers. 393 00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:41,912 Oh, for the love of-- 394 00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:46,542 Those were clones, you idiots. I had you people cloned in your sleep. 395 00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:49,336 -Why? -To double productivity, dear. 396 00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:50,712 It was Krieger's idea. 397 00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:55,384 Oh, did I obviously forget to mention that? 398 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,136 -Yep. -So wait till you see 399 00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,054 what we do to you in your sleep. 400 00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,224 Now I'm a nine. 401 00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:05,769 [theme music playing] 28064

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