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1
00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:08,800
[Archer] Lana.
2
00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:09,968
Lana.
3
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:11,803
-[inhales deeply]
-Let me go ahead
4
00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:13,513
and save you the trouble
of shouting my name
5
00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:15,140
-like a shrill five-year-old...
-Shrill?
6
00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:18,560
...and point out that I'm a little busy
doing both our jobs.
7
00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:21,563
Which I'd be helping you with
if I could find the goddamn cherries.
8
00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:22,647
What cherries?
9
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:24,482
The maraschino cherries, Lana. I--
10
00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,693
We are entering the atmosphere
of an uncharted planet
11
00:00:26,776 --> 00:00:29,487
at a couple thousand miles per hour
to check out a distress beacon
12
00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,823
and you're talking to me about cherries?
13
00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:33,742
She said. Dryly.
14
00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:36,703
Sorry, I didn't invent
how to make a whiskey sour, Lana.
15
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:37,787
Here's an idea.
16
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,498
Maybe try inventing
not doing that right now.
17
00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,542
God, lighten up. It's a road trip.
18
00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:44,753
Who goes on a road trip
without a few cocktails?
19
00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:47,338
-Look--
-Trick question, Lana. No one does.
20
00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:50,467
-This isn't--
-The time to try new things. Exactly.
21
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,802
Especially when we're going
a thousand miles per--
22
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,512
-[thudding]
-Goddamn it.
23
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:55,847
[alarm blaring]
24
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:58,600
[automated voice]
System failure. System failure.
25
00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,018
Autopilot is out.
26
00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:01,394
[groans] I got it.
27
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,565
What is happening?
28
00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:07,734
-Goddamn it!
-[Cyril whimpering]
29
00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:09,486
What the hell's going on up there?
30
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:13,073
Don't look at me!
Talk to Captain Road Trip over here!
31
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:15,283
What? Oh, how is this suddenly my fault?
32
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,662
We're coming in hot! Everyone, hang on!
33
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,581
Hey, if you happen to see
any cherries back there--
34
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:22,916
Oh, God, give it a rest.
35
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:24,709
You give it a rest.
36
00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:30,298
[all shouting]
37
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,092
[crashes]
38
00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:47,273
-[Cheryl laughing]
-[coughs]
39
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:48,858
Holy shitsnacks!
40
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,944
[bottle rolling]
41
00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:53,238
[bottle clinks]
42
00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:55,573
Never mind. Found the cherries.
43
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,536
[theme music playing]
44
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:39,576
So, got some good news and some bad news.
45
00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:43,371
Any chance you're gonna tell us
what it is?
46
00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:45,915
Oh, right.
The bad news is, comms are dead,
47
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,586
and the fuel cell's ruptured,
so we're not going anywhere anytime soon.
48
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,713
Hang on. You mean we're frickin' stranded?
49
00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:55,550
[scoffs] Not stranded, dummy.
He said "soon."
50
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,260
Though, I technically meant ever.
51
00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:58,428
Then, what's the good news?
52
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,847
Hmm. Guess it was mostly just bad news.
53
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:01,973
Dammit, Krieger!
54
00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:04,517
God, relax. He said "mostly."
55
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:07,854
So, completely inoperable.
56
00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,439
Um, what are you doing?
57
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:12,525
Oh, uh, since our insurance claims
keep getting denied,
58
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:15,320
Ms. Archer has put me
in charge of the paperwork.
59
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:19,115
Cause of accident:
barely functional alcoholism.
60
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,575
-Hey!
-All right, listen up.
61
00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:23,786
Let's salvage what we can from the shuttle
and find the distress beacon.
62
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:27,206
It's probably a downed ship,
so maybe there's a fuel cell we can use.
63
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:30,460
Way ahead of you...
on the "salvage what you can" part.
64
00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,045
Unbelievable.
65
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:34,881
[snickers] Right? What are the chances
lemons would survive the--
66
00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:37,425
Can you please focus?
67
00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:41,179
Why? Mother's probably putting together
a rescue plan as we speak.
68
00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:42,680
-[lounge music playing]
-[computer beeping]
69
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:46,893
Mm, should probably check on
why their comms are down.
70
00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:50,647
Meh, feels like it can wait.
71
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,942
[sighs] Everything can wait.
72
00:03:57,278 --> 00:03:59,864
[smacks lips, sighs]
Speaking of, anybody want in on this?
73
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:01,157
I'm about to make another batch.
74
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,867
-Seriously?
-Road trip.
75
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,286
Which we may be on forever
if we're stranded here.
76
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,538
Oh, take it easy, Lana. It'll be fine.
77
00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:10,792
And this blithe optimism is based on what,
exactly?
78
00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:13,211
Because this is me we're talking about.
79
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,545
Wildly reassuring.
80
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:17,882
Trust me on this.
I have mastered the art of blind luck.
81
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:21,886
No offense to your blind luck,
but it might be nice to have a plan B.
82
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:24,222
Why? Seriously, do you have any idea
83
00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:26,975
how many times I should have
literally died in the last year?
84
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:28,893
-Wow me.
-Krieger, tell her.
85
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,645
Including that thing last week?
86
00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:32,814
Hey, this is totally safe, right?
87
00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:35,650
-Technically?
-As in actually, Krieger.
88
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:38,319
Kind of feels like probably.
To both of those.
89
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:39,404
[Archer] Whoa, whoa, wait. What?
90
00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:41,781
-Then, nine.
-Boosh.
91
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:43,157
Please tell me there's a point.
92
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:46,494
Point is, if you hit pause
on your whole angry negativity thing...
93
00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:47,745
Angry what?
94
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:51,541
...for, like, one second,
you'd notice we always end up fine.
95
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,626
[creature snarling]
96
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,426
Though we may be pushing our luck
at this point.
97
00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:03,636
[crunching ice]
98
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:08,933
[panting] Christ on a cracker.
Is this whole frickin' planet uphill?
99
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,852
[gasps] Jesus, is that a thing?
100
00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:13,646
At least it means we're not
totally lost going in circles.
101
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:16,316
-Though not feeling entirely un-lost.
-[beeping]
102
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:19,652
We're not lost, idiots.
I know how to work the whatchamahickey.
103
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:23,031
Really? Because "whatchamahickey"
doesn't inspire tons of confidence.
104
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,699
It's technically a whatchamacallit.
105
00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:26,993
Or am I being too negative?
106
00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:29,037
-When are you not?
-All the time, jackass!
107
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,872
Oh, and there's the angry part.
108
00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:31,956
-Look--
-Face it, Lana.
109
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,833
Angry's basically your default setting.
110
00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:35,835
-Says who?
-Besides everybody?
111
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:37,336
Well, not everybody.
112
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,421
Thank you.
113
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:40,465
[chuckling]
Just the people who've actually met you.
114
00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:42,258
Yeah, possibly a few others.
115
00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:45,386
Hey, assholes.
I'm not, like, perpetually angry!
116
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,263
[laughs] Really?
117
00:05:47,346 --> 00:05:48,347
Yes, really.
118
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,432
Scale of one to ten, Lana,
119
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,601
how happy would you say you are
in general?
120
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:52,935
Oh, easily a six.
121
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,021
A six? Then what's a seven,
122
00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:57,023
"Yay, I've got tons of cancer"?
123
00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:58,107
Like you're any better.
124
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,401
Seriously? I'm always a total nine.
125
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:01,527
[scoffs] Please.
126
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:06,115
I'm buoyant, Lana, bordering on bubbly.
Listen to how I talk. There's a tone.
127
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,493
-A tone?
-Yes, Lana, a tone.
128
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:11,079
Notice how my sentences go up at the end?
129
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:13,372
Oh, yeah, you mean like,
"Shut the hell up?"
130
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,750
-[device beeping]
-Exa-- Dammit. Ow!
131
00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:18,377
Ha! Now, I'm a seven, by the way.
132
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,463
[creature snarling]
133
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:24,634
And now, I'm a two.
134
00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:26,886
[footsteps stomping]
135
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:29,222
So which part of
the blind luck plan is this?
136
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:31,140
Um, I think this is the part where you--
137
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,975
[screaming] Shit!
138
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:36,312
Finally! Some freaking downhill.
139
00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:37,396
[thud]
140
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,857
[rapid beeping]
141
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,902
Blind luck, you are my spirit animal.
142
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:50,618
Holy spacesnacks. What the hell happened?
143
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,954
Hopefully nothing
a fuel cell couldn't survive.
144
00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:54,997
Yeah, otherwise we're pretty much screwed.
145
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:58,334
Easy, Debbie Downer. No one wants to go
to your dark place right now.
146
00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:00,628
-You know--
-Yeah, but she's right.
147
00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:04,966
We only have enough food for a few days.
Then what? We sit around and starve?
148
00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:08,344
[scoffs] Please, whoever survives
the culling will have plenty of food.
149
00:07:08,427 --> 00:07:11,055
-The what?
-Uh, the culling?
150
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,890
You know,
where people suffocate in their sleep
151
00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,684
with gross, sweaty socks
stuffed in their mouths
152
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:17,520
or get accidentally stabbed in the neck
while they pee or whatever?
153
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,232
-What?
-The details make it weird.
154
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:22,358
Just the details?
155
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:26,362
Section seven,
possible post-accident injuries.
156
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:29,031
Uh, that's "culling" with a C, right?
157
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,576
Look, idiots, there's gotta be a fuel cell
around here somewhere.
158
00:07:31,659 --> 00:07:33,536
They're basically impossible to destroy.
159
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:36,956
Unless the pilot spills a cocktail
all over the flight controls.
160
00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:39,625
Yeah, but what are the odds
their pilot was that kick-ass?
161
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:42,170
Perhaps better than you think.
162
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:47,133
-[Lana] Holy...
-[Pam] Shitsnacks.
163
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:48,551
Ooh, fascinating.
164
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,136
Now, I'm an eight.
165
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,431
[Lana] How is this possible?
166
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:55,808
[Cyril] It-- It isn't. This is insane.
167
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:59,479
Obviously.
I mean, who shaves off hair like this?
168
00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,272
[laughs]
169
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:02,899
Idiot.
170
00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:11,407
[Lana] Okay,
there's gotta be a logical explanation.
171
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,826
Lana,
there's nothing logical about shaving--
172
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,786
Not talking about your hair, dumbass.
173
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,705
None of this makes any sense.
174
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:20,875
Uh, ever consider the fact
we're obviously ghosts
175
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:23,377
looking at our own stupid dead bodies?
176
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,421
We're not ghosts, dick nuts.
177
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,298
How do you-- Ow!
178
00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:30,510
Buy a girl a drink first. Jesus.
179
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:33,179
Is anyone here
familiar with multiverse theory?
180
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:34,680
How about pretend we're not?
181
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,600
Long story short,
this may be a parallel universe,
182
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:40,603
making these our doppelgangers.
183
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:41,771
Doppel-what?
184
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,898
Sort of like everyone's alter egos.
185
00:08:43,981 --> 00:08:46,067
[sighs] Not everyone's.
186
00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:48,152
Yeah. Where's yours, Krieger?
187
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:50,404
Huh. Maybe doppel-Krieger survived.
188
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:53,449
Yeah, and maybe he killed everybody.
189
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,494
[chuckling nervously] Please,
why would I ever finally do that?
190
00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:58,287
[static crackling]
191
00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,539
What the hell?
192
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:02,583
-[alarm blaring]
-Mayday, Mayday.
193
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:05,795
This is Sterling Archer of the MV Seamus,
and we are going down.
194
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:09,465
Repeat, we are going down.
Transmitting our location now.
195
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:14,387
And on a personal note, whoever gets this,
please know my only regret is...
196
00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:15,930
The hair, obviously.
197
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:17,056
[all] Shut up!
198
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:19,433
...I wasn't able to save my valiant crew,
199
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:23,688
my dear friends Cyril, Pam,
Krieger, Ray, Crystal...
200
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:26,023
Oh, my God,
totally forgot about the Crystal thing.
201
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:29,986
...I love you all dearly.
Truly the best friends a guy could have.
202
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,529
-Aw.
-Oh, my God, give me--
203
00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:32,613
[all] Shut up!
204
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,908
But most of all, I'll miss my wife, Lana.
205
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,369
You're the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.
206
00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:41,038
I wrote you this poem I want to read.
207
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,708
It's called "I'll Never Stop--"
208
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:45,793
Totally embarrassing yourself?
209
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,587
-[all] Come on!
-Oh, God!
210
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,880
You realize, theoretically,
that was you, right?
211
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,966
How? He's nothing like me.
212
00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:54,885
Got a point.
He did seem entirely non-self-absorbed.
213
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:56,512
Exactly. Wait, what?
214
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,222
And weirdly, not a dick.
215
00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,224
You're weirdly not a dick.
216
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:01,309
Makes no sense.
217
00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:05,187
Yeah. That other Archer
was refreshingly friendly.
218
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,189
Yeah, like what you think matters, Cyril.
219
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,524
And we're back.
220
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:12,570
And is it just me, or was that
shaved head thing super working?
221
00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:13,654
Totally.
222
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:14,780
-Kasploosh!
-I was into it.
223
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:17,241
Just sit there
and be into the non-hair-having,
224
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:18,868
clearly castrated version of me
225
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:21,912
while I go find a fuel cell
to get us all out of here,
226
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:26,917
which, PS, is pretty much
the opposite of self-absorbed.
227
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:33,841
So, how's the bubbly thing going?
Still sporting that nine?
228
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:35,551
[timidly] No.
229
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,637
[creature snarling]
230
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,556
[footsteps stomping]
231
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:50,775
Are you making any of the following claims
for emotional distress?
232
00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:53,235
Yes, yes, yes-- Well, these are all yes.
233
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,904
-[metal creaking]
-[screams]
234
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,239
[all screaming]
235
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,825
[ship creaking]
236
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:01,827
[thuds]
237
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,580
Shit, I'm heavy.
238
00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:06,832
[creature snarls]
239
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,795
[all screaming]
240
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,004
Incoming.
241
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:20,221
[roars]
242
00:11:22,556 --> 00:11:25,476
[muffled] So, I officially quit.
243
00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:27,645
And speaking of good news,
244
00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:31,148
I assume finding this
crammed up my ass qualified?
245
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,234
Is that a fuel cell? Oh, thank God.
246
00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:35,194
Shut up, Cyril. You still don't matter.
247
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:38,989
[laughs] It's funny 'cause it's true.
248
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,866
[footsteps stomping]
249
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,536
[Krieger] Okay,
got some good news and bad news.
250
00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:44,620
[snarls]
251
00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:47,623
Bad news is,
that thing's not going anywhere.
252
00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:48,916
And the good news?
253
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,794
Mm, I swear I had something for this.
254
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:53,129
-[all] Krieger!
-Great.
255
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,297
Making us pretty much screwed.
256
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,549
Easily a six.
257
00:11:56,632 --> 00:12:00,052
-Shut it.
-And let the culling begin!
258
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,178
Okay.
259
00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:06,559
Maybe instead of culling each other,
we should come up with an actual plan.
260
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:09,520
Like, obviously someone needs to
go out there and distract that thing
261
00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:11,730
while everyone else gets away.
And I vote Pam.
262
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,816
What? Screw you, dick nuts!
263
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,359
-What?
-Why me?
264
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:16,485
Because look at you, Pam.
265
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,029
That thing's not gonna want to eat...
that.
266
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:22,450
Well, you either!
'Cause who'd want to eat a complete dick?
267
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,118
Just gonna softball it in like that?
268
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:26,370
Sorry I didn't invent appetizing, Pam.
269
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:30,958
Yeah, well, I'm sorry we ended up
with the complete asshole version of you.
270
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:34,295
Oh, what?
You'd rather have touchy-feely bald guy?
271
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:35,379
-[overlapping chatter]
-100%.
272
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,423
-No contest.
-Fine. Know what?
273
00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:39,967
[grunts] You want him?
274
00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:45,222
[grunts] Then come and get him!
275
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,724
Boom. Wordplay.
276
00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:47,850
[roars]
277
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,059
Now run, idiots!
278
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,938
[creature snorting]
279
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:54,607
[leaves rustling]
280
00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:57,151
[Lana] So, was it weird?
281
00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:59,487
Probably. Wait, what are we talking about?
282
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,031
You know, watching your alter ego
get eaten by a giant lizard.
283
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,783
Please. If that guy
was really my alter ego, Lana,
284
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:07,828
he would have been something really cool
like a secret agent
285
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,497
or a private detective or a--
286
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,290
[rustling]
287
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:20,174
Oh, my God! You guys are alive! Archer!
288
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:22,092
Oh, God. Get it off.
289
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:23,552
And your hair!
290
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,930
-Right?
-It's glorious.
291
00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:27,515
Aw, wait a minute.
292
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,266
Doppelganger multiverse theory?
293
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,559
Ha-ha, exactly.
294
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,103
And the rest of my crew's... dead?
295
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,940
-Exactly.
-Oh, like you didn't kill them.
296
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:38,776
[chuckling nervously] What?
Why would I ever do that finally?
297
00:13:38,859 --> 00:13:39,985
-Right?
-Besides--
298
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:43,531
You know what? What do you say we take
this half-assed reunion on the road
299
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:46,367
before that Tyrannosaurus whatever
shows up for seconds?
300
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,077
-Fascinating.
-What?
301
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,287
Our Lana had a lot of angry energy too.
302
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:51,789
Ha! Hilarious.
303
00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:53,082
Oh, is it?
304
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,543
And that was no Tyrannosaurus rex you saw.
305
00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:59,046
I mean, unless a T. rex is
capable of camouflaging itself perfectly
306
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:01,131
in any surroundings with chameleon-like...
307
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,846
Oh, shit, it's right behind me, isn't it?
308
00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:10,057
[snarling]
309
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:18,440
So, how's that whole
blind luck thing working out?
310
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:19,859
[creature snarling]
311
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,026
[all shouting]
312
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,112
No, me!
313
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:29,952
[laughs] You tell me.
314
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,036
[snarling]
315
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,836
[roaring]
316
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,338
Uh, I mean, seriously, Lana.
317
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,841
At some point,
you really gotta ask yourself--
318
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:45,009
It's not the time.
319
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:49,680
If maybe the luckiest spot in the galaxy
is standing right next to me.
320
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:52,224
Got a whole bunch of wedding photos
that say otherwise.
321
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,226
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
322
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,103
[panting]
323
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:57,229
We have wedding photos?
324
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,773
Oh, yeah.
Big box of 'em labeled "Cautionary Tale,"
325
00:14:59,857 --> 00:15:01,859
which is what this whole thing's
gonna turn into
326
00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:04,111
if we can't find our way back to the ship.
327
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:06,780
How the hell?
328
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:10,284
I've learned not to ask.
Now, let's get the hell out of here.
329
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:12,369
Wait, what are you talking about?
We can't just fly off.
330
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:15,664
What? Then why have I been
lugging this thing around all this time?
331
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,083
No. I mean we can't just leave everyone.
332
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:20,002
Of course we're not, Lana.
333
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,504
-[creature snarls]
-Assuming they get here on time.
334
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,256
Wow, such an asshole.
335
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:25,883
-What?
-Could you try
336
00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:30,262
not being completely consumed
with yourself for once in your life?
337
00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:31,847
Why?
338
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,727
Wait, I don't want to go wandering around
a man-eating jungle,
339
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:40,439
and suddenly, I'm the asshole?
How does that even work?
340
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,528
Oh, I know.
341
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,864
Maybe I should shave my head
and take up poetry
342
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:52,701
and see how many things I can rhyme
with "soul-sucking" and--
343
00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,703
[Cyril] Lana!
344
00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:57,831
Lana!
345
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,167
What are you guys doing?
346
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:03,587
Well, we were hiding
from that stupid, giant lizard thingy.
347
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:06,382
But now, thanks to your loud-as-shit ass--
348
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:08,342
-[camouflage powers down]
-Not so much.
349
00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:10,260
[roars]
350
00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:12,054
-Holy--
-Shit.
351
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,223
Oh, wait.
352
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,769
Oh, what are you doing, woman?
353
00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:20,896
Besides pissing it off even more!
354
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,190
And totally killing our earballs!
355
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:25,526
-What?
-See?
356
00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:26,610
[snarling]
357
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,362
-[Pam screams]
-[Krieger] Oh, damn it!
358
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:32,032
[rumbling]
359
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,121
[snarls]
360
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:40,624
Good God! What the hell is it doing now?
361
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,209
I don't know, moving on to plan B?
362
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:44,712
Yeah, B, as in burying us alive.
363
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:49,800
[roars]
364
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:54,013
[roars]
365
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,890
Okay. Who brought the dog?
366
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:58,767
[snarls]
367
00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:02,479
-[rumbling]
-[Archer grunts]
368
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,064
[yelling]
369
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:06,358
Dammit.
370
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,986
[all shouting]
371
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,739
[creature snarls]
372
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:12,906
[Archer screams]
373
00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:14,658
[groans]
374
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:33,093
[creature screeching]
375
00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:46,190
Well, look who decided
not to be a total dick.
376
00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:48,692
Just couldn't leave my buddy Cyril behind.
377
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,027
Wait, really?
378
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:51,570
Of course not, idiot.
379
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:54,948
And yet, you had the time
to stop and make a cocktail.
380
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:58,077
God, you are just so glass-half-empty.
381
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,954
Oh, actually, me too,
so just gonna freshen this up.
382
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,885
[Malory] Item one.
383
00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:17,179
-Item what?
-Yeah, what are we even doing?
384
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:18,889
It's called an agenda.
385
00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:20,974
-For what?
-So confused right now.
386
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:24,770
I swear, you people. Item one.
387
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:26,980
The insurance company
has officially deemed
388
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,233
the Seamus II a total loss,
389
00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:33,445
so this little enterprise
may actually turn a profit this year.
390
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:35,697
What are you talking about?
391
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:36,782
The other crew.
392
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:40,369
Hang on. I thought those were
our parallel universe doppel-bangers.
393
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:41,912
Oh, for the love of--
394
00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:46,542
Those were clones, you idiots.
I had you people cloned in your sleep.
395
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:49,336
-Why?
-To double productivity, dear.
396
00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:50,712
It was Krieger's idea.
397
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:55,384
Oh, did I obviously forget
to mention that?
398
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,136
-Yep.
-So wait till you see
399
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,054
what we do to you in your sleep.
400
00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,224
Now I'm a nine.
401
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:05,769
[theme music playing]
28064
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