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1
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:05,505
[Cheryl] ♪ Twinkle, twinkle, little star ♪
2
00:00:06,005 --> 00:00:10,343
♪ How I wonder what you are ♪
3
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:14,514
♪ Something, something, up so high! ♪
4
00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:18,560
♪ Kicking, screaming, burned alive! ♪
5
00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:21,771
[Archer] God damn it, Cheryl! Are you
gonna shoot this goddamn thing or what?
6
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:25,108
Well... It's hard for me
to make a decision
7
00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:27,819
without knowing
what this "or what" option is.
8
00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:28,737
Duh!
9
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:30,572
[Archer] For God's sake, Lana,
10
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:34,200
-do you literally want to become lunch?
-[thrusters struggling]
11
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:36,536
-[alarm blaring]
-The gas pedal is the one on the right!
12
00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:37,704
I'm trying!
13
00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:38,913
I can't get any power.
14
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,541
[Cheryl] Why are these guns
so freaking loud?
15
00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:44,127
My earballs are on fire!
16
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:47,297
[Pam] Shoot him in the dick!
17
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:50,258
Space snails don't have dicks.
18
00:00:50,341 --> 00:00:53,178
Technically, they have
both male and female reproductive organs,
19
00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:55,430
so they can inseminate and be inseminated.
20
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:57,682
Cyril's definitely been
to those kind of parties.
21
00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,184
[Pam snickers] Space burn.
22
00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:01,770
Would you idiots mind focusing
on the problem at hand, please?
23
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:02,687
Krieger!
24
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:05,023
Why can't I get
any power from the boosters?
25
00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:07,859
What the hell is going on
with the power supply?
26
00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:10,779
Goddamn it! Something must be
depleting power from the ship!
27
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,864
Did someone leave the fan on
in the bathroom again?
28
00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:13,782
Not me.
29
00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:15,116
And why not?
30
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,702
What is with all the banging
and the shouting?
31
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:19,788
-Are we hosting a quinceañera?
-[crash]
32
00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:21,873
-[shimmering tone]
-[alarm blaring]
33
00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:23,958
[all screaming]
34
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:27,212
[Lana screaming] Oh, shit!
35
00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:29,088
[dramatic music playing]
36
00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:31,257
-[Cheryl screaming] No!
-[monster swallows]
37
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:35,136
I left my purse in there!
38
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:40,183
[theme music playing]
39
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,263
[all groaning]
40
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:20,682
[Archer] That was awesome.
41
00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,976
"Awesome"?
We're stuck inside a space nautilus
42
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:25,145
somewhere between his colon
and his cloaca.
43
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,271
What's a cloaca?
44
00:02:26,354 --> 00:02:29,691
It's an organ that's used for excretion
and also intercourse.
45
00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:31,025
[snickers] Smart.
46
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,152
Pam, shut up.
47
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,237
You know,
for the person who got us into this mess,
48
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,573
you certainly are yelling at people a lot.
49
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:39,367
-You got us into this mess.
-Hey! Let's not point fingers.
50
00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:42,495
Especially yours, Lana.
Those things are like cricket bats.
51
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:43,830
You're the one who wouldn't listen to me
52
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:46,457
and set our course for a galaxy
to which we've never been before,
53
00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:50,587
and, as we can now see,
is a ship-eating cosmo-crustacean!
54
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,881
Well, you were the one
making the flight super boring,
55
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:55,925
so I started punching colored buttons
on the navigation panel,
56
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:59,762
building to a loud, yell-y,
final last point!
57
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,807
Can we please figure out
how the hell we're getting out of here?
58
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,100
-Yeah!
-We're totally boned.
59
00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:05,351
Would everyone relax?
60
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:07,520
We'll just fire up the old plasma torch,
61
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:10,815
cut an ulcer in this thing,
and "zurp" our way out of here.
62
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,483
[torch hissing]
63
00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:16,654
[Lana] Okay! Don't waste any more power.
64
00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,197
It'll work.
65
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:19,490
[woman] No, it will not.
66
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,911
-Well, not with that attitude.
-That wasn't me, idiot.
67
00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:25,163
[woman] I tried that too when I got here.
68
00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:29,667
[Malory] Can't you go anywhere these days
without being accosted by the homeless?
69
00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:32,420
[Cheryl] Um, so I guess
I'll just wait out here then,
70
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,130
like some space-flunky.
71
00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:38,509
[laughs]
72
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:40,678
This is so stupid!
73
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:42,180
"Lead us into battle, Cheryl."
74
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:44,349
"Rescue the ship
from certain doom, Carol."
75
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:47,602
Who am I, Artemisia, First of Caria?
76
00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:49,520
[monster groans]
77
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,232
[Cheryl] You know what I mean!
78
00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,278
[all groaning] Oh God!
79
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:58,488
[Cyril] Is it...
80
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:00,490
-a human?
-[Ray] Of sorts.
81
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,533
Smells like a diaper's coffin in here.
82
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,911
This is why you don't invite them in.
83
00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:06,996
-She's a vampire?
-Everyone shut up.
84
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,332
Who are you, and what are you doing here?
85
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:10,917
My name is Glenda Price,
86
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,503
captain of the starship
"Tristan" of Coralia.
87
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,882
I also commanded the CoreStart mission.
88
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:19,717
Wrote a book about it?
89
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,761
Space Me, Space You?
90
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:25,098
About all the good we did
91
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:27,100
and the lives we saved
throughout the universe?
92
00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:30,353
The cover art
is my Intergalactic Peace Prize medal?
93
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,480
[all] Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, space.
94
00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:36,651
Anyway, the "Tristan" was on
an intergalactic humanitarian mission
95
00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:38,111
when we ran into the Zarglorp.
96
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:39,654
What's the "Zarglorp"?
97
00:04:39,737 --> 00:04:40,989
-Seriously?
-Come on!
98
00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:42,865
Even I know that was stupid.
99
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,701
The creature that ate us, dummy!
100
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,911
Jesus! All right, sorry!
101
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:50,748
We were delivering medical supplies
to poor children and burn victims
102
00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:55,420
when an asteroid storm forced us
off course into the Targluk Galaxy.
103
00:04:55,878 --> 00:04:57,714
Is that how you all ended up there?
104
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,340
[stammering] Uh, yup.
105
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:00,508
Asteroid storm.
106
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,385
Size of... eggs.
107
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:03,303
Ah, yes.
108
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,680
We got dragged in and swallowed whole.
109
00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:08,933
The "Tristan" is still wedged nearby
in the digestive canal.
110
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,101
And your crew?
111
00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:11,978
Oh, we made do at first.
112
00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:14,814
We played softball,
taught ourselves piano.
113
00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:18,901
But then the rations ran out,
and one by one, they killed themselves.
114
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,320
-[Lana] Wow.
-[Cyril] Jeezy Petes.
115
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:21,988
Captain, I am so sorry to hear that.
116
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:23,031
Me too.
117
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:26,576
We lived in our own little utopia.
[inhales shakily]
118
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,495
They were my best friends.
119
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,998
"Best friends"? But they work for you.
120
00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:35,001
Anyhow, then as they died, we'd eat them.
121
00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:36,419
Smart.
122
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:38,379
Unfortunately, there's no way out of here.
123
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:41,424
We'll slowly be digested
over the next hundred years or so.
124
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:42,467
A hundred years?
125
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:45,344
-That's, like, forever!
-Nobody lives that long, idiot!
126
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:47,722
You definitely won't
if you don't keep your mouth shut.
127
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,640
[Ray yelps, thuds]
128
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:50,767
All right, calm down.
129
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:54,771
We aren't spending the rest of our lives
in some space prawn's shit factory.
130
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,815
Krieger, figure out why there's no power
to the boosters and fix it.
131
00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:58,858
[Krieger] Yep, yep, yep.
132
00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:00,735
Ray, fix anything damaged in the crash.
133
00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:03,196
Pam, Lana, and I
will go back to the "Tristan"
134
00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:05,531
and collect anything
that might help us get out of here.
135
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,867
Cyril, I guess just keep being useless.
136
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:08,785
Captain?
137
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:11,496
What do you need?
I wanna help you all get to safety,
138
00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:15,833
like when I rescued the Vantaurians
from that ELE on Vantaur-5,
139
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:20,713
then used all my money
to get them all universal health care.
140
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,424
That's insurance that is accepted
throughout the universe.
141
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,593
Wow, what a goddamn saint you are.
142
00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:27,637
Do you have any blast charges
on your ship?
143
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,723
-Yes, but do not use them, because--
-Great. Okay, Pam?
144
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:32,892
This is crucial. Once we're out there,
145
00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:35,520
look for anything we can use
to make me a drink.
146
00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:38,481
We're in the middle
of a space creature's stomach.
147
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:41,150
There's always something
that can be a mixer, Lana.
148
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,486
I made a drink once
out of Barbicide and hair gel.
149
00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,113
It's called a Moscow Mousse.
150
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:48,574
Well, it seems like you all
have this situation under control.
151
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:50,118
"Under control"?
152
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:51,536
We're currently food!
153
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:54,497
Well, you know me.
Always "glass half-full."
154
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,500
-[shimmering tone]
-♪ Ta-ta! ♪
155
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:03,756
[Cheryl] Okay, pro,
all my stuff is on board,
156
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,091
including that kick-ass purse
157
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:06,551
that has metal studs on the bottom
158
00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:08,678
so it doesn't touch
gross restaurant floors.
159
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,096
Con... [sighs]
160
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:11,514
I'm gonna have to keep doing
161
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:15,560
stupid fighter pilot missions,
and they're so boring 'cause I'm so good.
162
00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,019
[Malory] Pro, I'm here.
163
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,397
Is that you, voice in my head?
164
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,275
You sound so much older... and drunker.
165
00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:24,527
Look at the screen,
you glue-eating pinhead!
166
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:27,947
[gasps] Oh! I've seen this show,
with the mean lady, um...
167
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,031
Matlock!
168
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:33,327
Listen to me. We have to fly down
into that monster this instant!
169
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,121
For my purse? I know, right?
170
00:07:35,204 --> 00:07:37,206
It matches literally everything.
171
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,583
No, you clod!
172
00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:41,127
To pick up Sterling,
then get the hell out of here!
173
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,795
Mm, no, thanks.
174
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,214
What do you mean, "No, thanks"?
175
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:48,301
I'm probably just better off leaving
and starting a new life.
176
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:50,470
Hey, you wanna come? Gals' trip!
177
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,346
Absolutely not! Now listen to me.
178
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:56,851
-We are flying back down there and--
-You're not my space supervisor!
179
00:07:57,226 --> 00:07:59,061
[Malory sighs]
180
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,983
[Archer] All right, Cyril,
while we're gone,
181
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:05,401
keep Captain Price company.
182
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,694
She's been through a lot.
183
00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:08,654
Maybe you'll learn
a thing or two from her.
184
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:11,407
Oh, from the woman who got her ship eaten
and her whole crew killed?
185
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,035
That's still more
than you've ever accomplished, Cyril!
186
00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:17,079
-Keep her company!
-[doors open]
187
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,248
Cyril, right? Come over here.
188
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,042
Sit down, let's have a chat.
189
00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:22,335
Just you and I.
190
00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:24,378
Would you like to hear the story
191
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:28,049
of how I saved the Drang population
after the Great Flood of the Mupak Valley?
192
00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:29,008
[Cyril] You know what?
193
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:31,093
Yes, I would.
194
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:34,430
Screw it, if we're dying in here,
I'm gonna go ahead and finish that cake.
195
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,474
I mean, I don't even care.
196
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,186
-Krieger?
-[gasps]
197
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:42,146
Still looking for the source
of the power loss.
198
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,023
Seems like it's been
getting sucked all night.
199
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:46,359
Space phrasing.
All right, find it and fix it.
200
00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:47,944
Once this thing pukes us out,
201
00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:50,530
we're gonna need those boosters
to get out of this galaxy.
202
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,869
[Krieger] Don't worry, my child.
203
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,871
Daddy's here.
204
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,957
[hoarsely] More...
205
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:04,043
-power.
-[electricity crackling]
206
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,131
[machine whirring]
207
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,805
[Lana] What was that bullshit
back there with Cyril?
208
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,473
"Keep Captain Price company"?
209
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,850
Since when do you care
about other people's feelings?
210
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:22,186
Well, unlike you, Lana, I have empathy.
211
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:24,230
Oh, wait. Uh, sympathy?
212
00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:25,565
I think it's "symphony."
213
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,858
I can put myself in Price's shoes, okay?
214
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:31,445
I know I'm gonna be the last survivor,
resorting to cannibalism.
215
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:34,740
Stuck here to die alone,
literally eating dicks.
216
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:35,950
Oh, come on!
217
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:39,328
Or, you know, whatever Pam has.
I hesitate to call that thing a dick.
218
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,247
It's more like a garbage claw.
219
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:44,125
[Lana] Oh, pfft. Give me a break.
You don't wanna die alone?
220
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:47,503
-You were always gonna die alone.
-[Archer] What's that supposed to mean?
221
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:51,507
[Lana] Archer, be honest. You're not close
to anyone because you don't care.
222
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,594
You don't even bother to listen to people,
especially me.
223
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,012
That's not true, Lana.
224
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:59,682
I just listened to that entire sentence,
and it was excruciating.
225
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,017
Up top.
226
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:05,229
Holy shitsnacks!
227
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,733
These must be the suicidal crew members
Price was talking about.
228
00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:11,360
[Lana] Uh, you ever hear
about someone committing suicide
229
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,738
by bludgeoning themselves
in the back of the head?
230
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:15,406
Hey! The blast charges!
231
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:19,702
[Lana] Weren't you listening when Price
said not to set those charges off?
232
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:21,537
I actually wasn't. What did she say?
233
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,790
[Lana] Not to. Don't make things worse
than they already are.
234
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:27,209
[Archer] "Worse"?
We're in a monster's colon!
235
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,712
We'll be safe here
behind this big fleshy f--
236
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:31,297
What is this, a tumor?
237
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,215
Aww, poor guy.
238
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,967
-[beeping]
-[explosion]
239
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,141
Okay, now get back to the ship.
240
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:44,352
Hey. What's that?
241
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:45,519
[Lana] Eww.
242
00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:47,688
Some sort of... parasites
243
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,857
that live in this thing's
digestive system?
244
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:50,775
[Pam] Yeah,
245
00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:53,361
I get those sometimes
if I've been nosing through the trash.
246
00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:55,279
-[screeching]
-[Lana] Ugh.
247
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:58,199
Remember me saying something
about not wanting things to get worse?
248
00:10:58,282 --> 00:11:00,993
[chuckles] I actually was listening then.
249
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,537
Will you shut up
and help me think of a plan?
250
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:07,291
[Archer] She said while both talking
and not coming up with a plan.
251
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,209
-Archer--
-Wait.
252
00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:10,586
I just came up with a plan.
It's kinda complex.
253
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,171
Run!
254
00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:14,840
[all screaming]
255
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,842
[creatures shrieking]
256
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:21,347
I sliced the Florglap right in his face
and I never looked back.
257
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:25,559
And because of my heroism,
they made a holiday in my honor.
258
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:28,020
I mean, not a bank holiday, but still.
259
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:28,938
Wow.
260
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,439
What a rewarding life.
261
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,483
So, tell me about your life, Cyril.
262
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:33,567
Oh, me? [scoffs]
263
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,653
I've had a rough go of it.
You don't wanna hear it.
264
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:38,114
Son, nothing matters to me more.
265
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,658
A captain cares about her crew
more than herself.
266
00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:42,910
-That's the captain's code.
-[Cyril sighs] Well...
267
00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:45,246
[chuckling] Okay,
if it's the captain's code.
268
00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:48,749
Uh, I guess it all started
when I was about five.
269
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,419
I never wanted to be a fighter pilot.
270
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,421
I wanted to work in fashion!
271
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:54,964
Wouldn't that be a sight to see?
272
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,633
Totally! You see these outfits
we're wearing, right?
273
00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:58,884
Who came up with this?
274
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:02,054
Does anybody's ass look good
in a flight suit? No!
275
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:05,683
Well, you know,
I have some friends in the design world--
276
00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:09,562
Hey! I just had a great idea!
277
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:11,480
-You know what we should do?
-Yes!
278
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,940
We should rob them!
279
00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:13,858
No!
280
00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:17,111
We should fly down into that monster
to get Sterling, then--
281
00:12:17,194 --> 00:12:19,822
I love it!
You and me can be space pirates!
282
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,867
With my fighter pilot skills
and your "zurp-zurp" thing,
283
00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:24,660
we could run this galaxy!
284
00:12:24,743 --> 00:12:27,621
-[Malory sighs]
-Ooh, let's plan our pirate outfits!
285
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:32,084
[sobbing] And it turns out
everyone did know it was my birthday
286
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:35,004
and they skipped it
just to hurt my feelings.
287
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:38,340
To this day,
I've never got to play spin the bottle!
288
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:42,470
-Wow. Life, she is a bitch.
-[sobbing]
289
00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:45,723
But you know what people say?
When things seem darkest...
290
00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:46,765
What, Captain?
291
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,226
...kill yourself.
292
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,356
[Krieger] Oh, my dear boy.
293
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,483
Look at you!
294
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:58,444
You're an exact replica of me!
295
00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:00,863
Though that hairline
could use a little work.
296
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:04,033
M-more power!
297
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:05,284
-Shh, okay, okay.
-More!
298
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:06,535
-Okay!
-More!
299
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:07,786
-[machine whirring]
-More!
300
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:10,581
[yells]
301
00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:12,416
[fuses crackling]
302
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,043
[rustling]
303
00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:19,048
Oh, no, I've killed him!
304
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,467
[sobbing] Oh, God, no!
305
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:23,552
Son, I didn't mean to kill you!
306
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,180
Mur-- murder!
307
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:27,723
Murderer!
308
00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:28,766
No, no, shh!
309
00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:32,061
-Murderer! Murderer! Murderer!
-No! No, shut up! No, you're fine!
310
00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:34,480
-You're alive! Shh, shh, shh!
-You. Are.
311
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,565
-[voice glitching] Mur--
-No! No! I!
312
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,901
Am! Not! A! Murderer!
313
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,444
You! Stupid! Head!
314
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:42,571
[robot milk dripping]
315
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,574
-[clicks]
-Figured out the power problem!
316
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:46,617
[Price] Okay.
317
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:51,288
Now, the rabbit goes around the tree
and back into the hole.
318
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,667
Is the dehydrated milk up here somewhe--
319
00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:56,961
-The hell are you doing?
-Killing myself.
320
00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:58,796
Why, other than the obvious?
321
00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:01,090
Well, sometimes, killing ourselves
322
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:04,426
is the most noble thing we can do
for our fellow survivors.
323
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,387
Have you ever thought about it?
324
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,305
Okay, nope. Get that thing off your neck.
325
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:12,059
Uh-oh, you know what we have
on our hands here, Cyril?
326
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:15,062
A dirty mutineer.
327
00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:18,691
[gulps]
328
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,404
[creatures shrieking, growling]
329
00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:24,655
[blaster firing]
330
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:27,491
[Cyril] "And finally, to my crewmates:
331
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:30,327
I regret leaving this world
so early, but--
332
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:32,830
I shall see you in the next." Good?
333
00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:36,417
Then maybe something like, um,
"All my love, Cyril.
334
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,419
P.S.: Please eat me."
335
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:41,088
-Hmm, yeah.
-[muffled shouting]
336
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:43,841
See? He thinks it's good too!
337
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:45,885
Now let's find you a load-bearing pipe.
338
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:50,014
[grunting]
339
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,434
Ugh! [grunts]
340
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:55,519
[groans] Hello?
341
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:57,271
Can anyone hear me?
342
00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:58,856
Over!
343
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,608
Ooh, what about eye patches?
344
00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:04,153
I mean, we don't actually have to have
our eyes cut out to wear them.
345
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,195
Unless you want to.
346
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,655
[Ray] Can anyone hear me?
347
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,991
Arr, this is Space Pirate Cheryl!
348
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,410
-Go ahead!
-[Ray] There's a psycho loose on the ship!
349
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,746
She's brainwashing the crew
to kill themselves
350
00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:15,289
so she can eat us!
351
00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:16,874
[gasps] Sterling!
352
00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:19,293
Cheryl, listen to me.
We have to go in there!
353
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:21,211
Duh, of course we have to go in there.
354
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:24,381
There's someone brainwashing people
into killing themselves!
355
00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:26,133
-[Ray] Hurry up!
-Let's go!
356
00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:27,718
All right, me hearties, open up!
357
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:28,928
Here be breakfast!
358
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:32,848
[Price] Well, well, well.
359
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,769
Looks like we have
a dirty traitor in our midst.
360
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:38,854
I think you know what to do, Cyril.
361
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:43,108
[doors open]
362
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,695
[Lana] What the hell is this?
363
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,072
Cyril's trying to kill me!
364
00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:49,949
Then I'm gonna kill myself.
365
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,367
Then they want us to eat them.
366
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:52,284
Smart.
367
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,995
Cyril, you idiot! Price is space-mad!
368
00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:57,122
She convinced her crew to kill themselves
369
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,332
so she could eat them!
370
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,084
[scoffs] Wow.
371
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,461
I never.
372
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:06,090
I am Glenda Macmillan Price,
373
00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:08,217
intergalactic hero,
374
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,427
and I'll be damned
if you'll accuse me of--
375
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,513
[hollering]
376
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:14,098
[grunting]
377
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:19,103
Hey, guys? We're down to auxiliary power.
No way to know how that happened.
378
00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:20,854
But I do have an idea.
379
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:21,772
Captain Price,
380
00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:24,358
you said your ship was lodged
in the digestive tract,
381
00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:26,276
but it's not out of power, correct?
382
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,779
-That's right.
-Well, if the fuel rods are undamaged,
383
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:32,074
conceivably we could hook up
our generator to the "Tristan,"
384
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:34,868
throw the switch,
and it could generate enough heat
385
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:37,037
-possibly to induce vomiting.
-[banging, screeching]
386
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:40,207
-What the hell is that sound?
-Those are the giant man-eating parasites
387
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,918
that have been chasing us
since Archer set off the blast charges
388
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,503
Price told us not to!
389
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:47,047
I think we all learned
a valuable lesson from that
390
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:49,967
that we wouldn't have known otherwise,
and... [chuckles]
391
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:50,884
...now we know.
392
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:52,553
[screeching]
393
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:53,637
You idiot!
394
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:56,390
I've been successfully hiding
from those things for years!
395
00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:58,934
Hey, how about this?
I say we try Krieger's idea.
396
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,227
Lana, get behind the wheel
397
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:02,146
and get this sucker ready
to blow out of here.
398
00:17:02,229 --> 00:17:04,314
Cyril, stop trying to kill yourself!
399
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:05,733
Aww. Archer...
400
00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:08,736
Help Krieger ready the boosters,
then kill yourself if you want.
401
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,904
Captain, you're coming
with me and Pam back to your ship
402
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:12,489
to show us where the fuel rods are,
403
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:15,367
then we hook them up and get the hell out!
404
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:16,452
Whoo-hoo!
405
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:19,455
Suicide cult, here I come!
406
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,583
-[creature screeching]
-[blasters firing]
407
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:25,044
[Price] Damn it!
How does this beast stay alive
408
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,670
-with all these parasites?
-Yeah.
409
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,005
Plus I think we saw a tumor.
410
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,256
He seems so young too.
411
00:17:29,339 --> 00:17:30,591
[thuds, grunts]
412
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:31,675
[creature screeching]
413
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:32,843
[Pam screeching]
414
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:34,261
[blaster fires]
415
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:37,181
Come on!
I was about to do my finishing move!
416
00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:45,189
Hey, wait a minute.
417
00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:47,691
I thought you said
the crew ran out of rations, Price.
418
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:51,111
Fine! Yes, I went space-crazy, okay?
419
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,613
I killed some of the crew,
420
00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:54,531
some killed each other at my order,
421
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:57,910
and others killed themselves
to escape my bloodthirsty wrath.
422
00:17:57,993 --> 00:17:59,703
You're like a dog with a bone about this!
423
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:00,621
God!
424
00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:03,207
[Archer] All right, here, hook them up!
425
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:05,667
[sighs] There's just one problem.
426
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,504
[Lana] Archer, what the hell is taking
so long? We have to get moving!
427
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,423
-[Archer] Uh, we've got a little problem.
-What is it?
428
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,342
When we transfer power between the ships,
429
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,677
the "Seamus" will immediately
shoot out of this thing--
430
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:18,222
Hopefully through its mouth
and not its duke chute.
431
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:19,723
[Archer] Shut up, Pam.
432
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,183
But in doing so,
433
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:24,478
whoever powers up the "Tristan"
will be left behind.
434
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:26,688
Over?
435
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:27,773
Well...
436
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:30,901
[Archer] Wait, what's that?
[imitating static crackling]
437
00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:32,361
I-I can barely hear you.
438
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,905
-[imitating static crackling]
-[blaster firing]
439
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:36,532
Price should stay back?
440
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,951
-I didn't hear anything.
-[imitating static crackling]
441
00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:40,869
Unanimous vote, you say?
442
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,996
Well, looks like the people have spoken.
443
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,708
So, give us, like, to the count of 60
to get back, then juice this baby up.
444
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,585
The hell I'm staying back!
445
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:52,589
Glenda Price didn't eat directly
out of a bridge crewman's eye socket
446
00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:54,550
-to die here today!
-Price, listen.
447
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,343
You're a self-obsessed megalomaniac
448
00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:58,929
who sacrificed her crew
for her own survival.
449
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,764
You only ever thought of yourself.
450
00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,266
-You're a villain.
-Ugh.
451
00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:03,809
But, in your final moments,
452
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:05,936
you can be remembered
for all the good you did
453
00:19:06,019 --> 00:19:08,230
instead of your, you know...
454
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:09,148
cannibalism.
455
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:10,566
But...
456
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:12,901
How would people know
what I did to save you all?
457
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:16,655
Here. I'll record your heroic farewell.
458
00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:19,867
And I promise,
the entire galaxy will hear it.
459
00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:21,618
Okay.
460
00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:25,205
This is Captain Glenda Price
of the "Tristan."
461
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,709
Of all the many humanitarian missions
I've been on,
462
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:31,044
all the lives I've saved,
463
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:34,965
this last act of bravery
shall be my greatest.
464
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:39,344
Sure, there will be songs of my courage
465
00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:42,014
and statues in my honor.
466
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:46,518
But know that serving my fellow man...
467
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:49,188
[stifles sob]
468
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,608
...it was my privilege!
469
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,234
Get out of here!
470
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,821
Captain's orders!
471
00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:59,114
Aye, aye, Captain.
472
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:05,579
For what it's worth, I would have liked
being an outlaw space pirate with you!
473
00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:08,707
Even though you're kind of mean
and mostly electromagnets,
474
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:10,542
you're still my favorite!
475
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:14,838
I hope this thing chews you like gum,
you crazy bitch.
476
00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:17,549
-All right, Lana, light it up.
-Krieger, are we ready to go?
477
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:18,926
-[Krieger] Yep, yep, yep!
-Okay.
478
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,053
Captain Price, for the final time,
479
00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:24,681
please power up for liftoff,
you brave, brave soul.
480
00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:25,933
[Price] Aye, aye.
481
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:29,853
Jesus Christ!
482
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:31,688
It's one goddamn button, Price!
483
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:34,149
How hard is it not to screw up
the last moment of your life?
484
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,568
[thrusters roaring]
485
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:38,820
[engines whirring]
486
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,989
[screaming] It's working!
487
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,783
[creature groans]
488
00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,494
It's working. Hold on. Here we go!
489
00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:52,876
[Malory] That's them!
490
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:53,919
They got out!
491
00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:56,630
Fly away, you idiot! Fly away!
492
00:20:56,713 --> 00:20:59,675
[Cheryl] Stop yelling at me!
493
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:02,719
[engines roaring]
494
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:04,012
[Pam sighs]
495
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:08,141
Is it just me, or is this literally
the best tea in the entire galaxy?
496
00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:10,018
That's probably the opium talking.
497
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,478
Chasing that space dragon.
498
00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:13,146
-Rawr! [chuckles]
-[cups clink]
499
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:14,523
[Cheryl] So now,
500
00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:17,109
not only am I not a part
of a suicide cult,
501
00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:19,695
I'm never gonna get a chance
to be ever again!
502
00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:20,612
There, there, dear.
503
00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:23,949
You're dead to me.
That must count for something.
504
00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:25,534
Aww, thanks!
505
00:21:25,617 --> 00:21:28,120
Hey, I forgot to ask, how did you end up
getting out of there?
506
00:21:28,203 --> 00:21:30,497
We were able to generate
enough heat from the fuel rods
507
00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:32,082
that the Zarglorp spit us out.
508
00:21:32,165 --> 00:21:35,836
Oh, of course! The extra fuel rods
in the downstairs storage room!
509
00:21:35,919 --> 00:21:38,880
I was hoping you'd find those.
Glad they worked out!
510
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:41,216
Yeah, worked out for everybody.
511
00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:46,346
So, you gonna upload Price's farewell
so the entire galaxy can hear it?
512
00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:49,224
[laughs] Are you kidding me?
I wasn't recording that.
513
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,267
Wait, what?
514
00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:51,685
What about your promise?
515
00:21:52,352 --> 00:21:54,479
Wow. You really are an asshole.
516
00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:56,648
Oh, I'm the asshole.
517
00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:58,817
Lana, that lady ate people.
518
00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:03,447
Hey, I could really go
for a Moscow Mousse.
519
00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:04,990
You want one?
520
00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:07,826
[theme music playing]
37103
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