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1
00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:06,381
[beeping]
2
00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,565
[Archer] Altair Beta?
3
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:25,734
Why'd you wake me up
way the hell out here?
4
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:27,736
[Malory] We picked up a distress beacon.
5
00:00:28,653 --> 00:00:31,656
[sighs] Not surprising.
Altair Beta is not the best neighborhood.
6
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,616
[Malory] Unless you're a Dri'n pirate.
7
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:34,909
[Archer] Yeah, speaking of,
8
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,328
looks like pirates
hit that transport pretty hard.
9
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:40,623
[Malory] Well,
what say we go pick the bones?
10
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:43,960
[chuckles] I'd say, uh,
unfortunately choice of words.
11
00:00:44,043 --> 00:00:46,337
[Malory] Figuratively. Hopefully.
12
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:49,257
Well, I'm in,
but you know what she's gonna say.
13
00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:52,635
-[Malory] Why, does she talk in her sleep?
-What? Mother, come on. We can't not--
14
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,637
I mean, Lana's the co-captain, so--
15
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,140
-[Malory] So?
-Huh. Well...
16
00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:58,808
Should we wake up anybody?
17
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,727
-[Malory] Why would we?
-Good point.
18
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,187
Let's go check it out.
19
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,647
Wait, wait, wait, Mother. Hang on.
20
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,399
-[farts]
-[Malory] Oh, for--
21
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:09,360
-You are disgusting.
-[snickering]
22
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:12,405
Me? He's the one wallowing in-- [sniffs]
23
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,783
Ugh! Freeze-dried shepherd's pie.
24
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:17,452
[sniffs] Ugh! And banana pudding!
25
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:39,682
[Archer] So, on the off chance
the pirates left anything worth taking...
26
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,852
[Malory] ...there's no sense cutting
the rest of those idiots in on the deal.
27
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,437
Yeah, they'll just-- Wait!
28
00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:46,940
What do you mean,
"the rest of those idiots"?
29
00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:49,067
-[Malory] Hmm?
-Are you implying I'm an idiot?
30
00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:50,944
-[Malory] No, I--
-Yes, you were!
31
00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:53,113
[Malory] I wasn't implying anything, you--
32
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:55,615
-[alarm blaring]
-[female voice] Proximity alert.
33
00:01:55,698 --> 00:01:57,951
Proximity alert.
34
00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,537
-[stasis pod beeps]
-Proximity alert.
35
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,373
-What the hell?
-Proximity alert.
36
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:06,626
[Malory sighs]
37
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:08,753
-Idiot.
-Aha! See?
38
00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:11,256
-You were implying it.
-[Malory] I'm saying it!
39
00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:13,466
Now can you please
just dock the damn thing?
40
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,093
[bangs]
41
00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:17,554
-Yes.
-[Malory] Nope.
42
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:19,347
-[sighs] Here we go.
-[Malory] Oh, goody.
43
00:02:19,430 --> 00:02:21,724
And just what in my own personal hell
44
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,685
-do you two think you're doing?
-Well--
45
00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:26,187
And don't insult my intelligence
by lying to me.
46
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:27,272
Okay, then...
47
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:30,400
Never mind.
48
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,527
[Archer] Damn it, Krieger!
Why did you have to wake her up?
49
00:03:15,194 --> 00:03:17,280
You big-mouth... fish.
50
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:18,489
Don't call me fish!
51
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,825
And I didn't write my code,
so don't yell at me!
52
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:21,951
I'll do the yelling!
53
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,537
Great, that way we know
you're getting enough oxygen.
54
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:25,872
Now, somebody explain to me
55
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:28,124
why you're docking the ship
without permission?
56
00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:29,375
-Permission?
-[Malory] Look,
57
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:32,962
we picked up a distress beacon,
and we thought, you know, that we'd...
58
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,089
...leave us all in stasis
while you sneak in there
59
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:37,717
to loot whatever the pirates
might've left behind in there,
60
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,553
which, spoiler alert, is jack shit,
61
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:45,767
unless you're counting the ionic charges
they left as booby traps!
62
00:03:46,684 --> 00:03:48,811
Well, you've clearly already
made up your mind, so--
63
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,439
[Cyril sighs] Somebody tell me
this is a joke.
64
00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:54,734
What, you being first mate?
Sadly, no. Not a joke.
65
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:57,445
No, this!
Which better not be what it looks like!
66
00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,864
[laughs]
That's better than what it smells like.
67
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,867
-Huh?
-Which is a giant bag of assholes.
68
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,161
-What?
-Cyril, you reek.
69
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,329
No, I-- [sniffs]
70
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,456
Is that shepherd's pie?
71
00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:10,625
[laughs] And banana pudding.
72
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:13,836
Damn it, Archer!
Did you fart in my stasis pod again?
73
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,048
-Why, I oughta--
-You oughta wash off that 'nana puddin'.
74
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:18,841
[Cyril grunting]
75
00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:22,136
Stop touching me, you stink!
76
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,305
Will you two knock it off?
77
00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:26,140
Yes.
78
00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:27,308
[grunts] Ow!
79
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,811
Why do we even serve shepherd's pie?
80
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:34,482
And follow-up, why do we have
the world's loneliest courtesan on board?
81
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,025
-[Ray gasps]
-Seriously, though,
82
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,945
this whole place
smells like a fart shit its pants.
83
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:40,822
[Pam] Did somebody say pants?
84
00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:43,491
[cheering, applause]
85
00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:48,871
[laughter]
86
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,042
'Cause I'm not wearing any.
87
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,877
[Malory] Because welcome
to the freak show.
88
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,963
What? Said the bug zapper.
89
00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:59,340
-Yeah, and speaking of.
-[Malory] What?
90
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:01,718
-We had a deal!
-[all chattering]
91
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:05,430
-[Archer] Yeah, come on, Mother.
-[Malory sighs] Oh, all right.
92
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:13,730
Happy?
93
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:15,106
No, actually.
94
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:18,526
Because you two were about to violate
quarantine protocols,
95
00:05:18,609 --> 00:05:21,321
possibly exposing my ship to dangerous--
96
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,031
-It's not your ship!
-Half of it is!
97
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,907
Because I had a shitty divorce lawyer.
98
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,326
Whose fault is that?
99
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,161
You're the one who wanted a divorce!
100
00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:31,289
When what I should've done
is just wait for you to get murdered
101
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,374
by one of the enemies
you either owe money,
102
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,877
cheated, cuckolded,
straight-up stole from,
103
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,212
or some combination thereof.
104
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:41,049
[clears throat] Your point being?
105
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:43,926
Her point, Captain Doctor Science,
106
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:48,723
is you can't expose just half the ship
to potentially deadly microorganisms.
107
00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:50,558
Aha! Potentially deadly!
108
00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:53,311
-I'm not having this argument again.
-[chuckles] Apparently you are.
109
00:05:53,394 --> 00:05:54,395
No, I'm not.
110
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:56,647
[female voice] Aborting docking sequence.
111
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:59,233
Yes, you a-- [grunting] Damn it, Lana!
112
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,985
[female voice] Aborting docking seq--
113
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,779
-[both] Krieger!
-Guys, come on.
114
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,405
We've been over and over and over this.
115
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,573
The Laws of Robotics...
116
00:06:05,656 --> 00:06:07,909
...is made-up shit from a comic book!
117
00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:09,160
[Krieger gasps]
118
00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:10,411
[exhales sharply] Sorry.
119
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:12,163
-Don't be. It had to be said.
-[bangs]
120
00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:14,707
-[muffled screaming]
-[overlapping chatter] What is that?
121
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:16,167
-[screaming continues]
-[splat]
122
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:17,627
-[all gasp]
-[Ray] Oh, my God.
123
00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:19,045
[muffled grunting]
124
00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:22,215
-[Pam] What is that?
-[Krieger] Everybody, shh!
125
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,967
[grunting]
126
00:06:29,388 --> 00:06:30,389
[pop]
127
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,142
-[all shout]
-[Ray] Kill it!
128
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,478
[chuckling, heavy panting]
129
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:42,568
-Are--
-[screams]
130
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:48,157
[footsteps pattering]
131
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:51,661
Happy?
132
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:53,412
I'm happy you're not.
133
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,795
[Pam] What the hell was that thing?
134
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:03,131
I think the more pressing question is--
135
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:06,634
No, Krieger, for the millionth time,
you'll never be a real boy.
136
00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:09,220
-I was going to say--
-I think it's more tragic than anything.
137
00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:10,805
-You're one to talk.
-[Ray gasps]
138
00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:13,641
-I was going to say--
-Ooh! When will you be a real boy?
139
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,643
What the hell was it running from?
140
00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:18,396
Um...
141
00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:19,480
-[gunfire]
-[all scream]
142
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:20,565
Son of a--
143
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,859
[growling]
144
00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:26,529
[speaking alien language]
145
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:29,740
Oh, yeah? You want some of this?
146
00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:30,825
Ow!
147
00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:33,828
I think they might, actually.
148
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,746
Dri'n bastards! Krieger, blast door!
149
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:36,831
Yep, yep, yep!
150
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,252
[muffled growling]
151
00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:42,795
That oughta hold 'em. Okay--
152
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,005
-Hang on.
-Shut up.
153
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:45,339
Krieger, undock us.
154
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:49,844
Cyril, Pam, Carol,
grab a weapon, split up,
155
00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:51,387
and find that xenomorph.
156
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,431
For all we know, he's a Trojan horse.
157
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:54,807
He was pretty rubbery...
158
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,350
[laughing] So stupid.
159
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,435
Right?
160
00:07:57,518 --> 00:08:00,938
And if you can temporarily de-ass
your head, wanna get us outta here?
161
00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:03,024
Why? We can take these assholes.
162
00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:05,026
-[crashing]
-[all scream]
163
00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:06,235
[female voice] Hull damage.
164
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,612
You were saying?
165
00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:08,696
[sighs]
166
00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:10,781
-[alarm blaring]
-[female voice] Hull damage.
167
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,200
[typing]
168
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:13,284
Hull damage.
169
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,204
Hull damage.
170
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:17,747
I heard you!
171
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,337
Okay, Krieger, we clear?
172
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:27,089
-[Krieger] Yep, yep, yep!
-[Archer] Okay then.
173
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,008
Everybody, brace for initial thrust.
174
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,092
In three--
175
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,094
-Whoa!
-God!
176
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,055
-Damn it!
-Son of a--
177
00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:36,182
-Bitch!
-Ow!
178
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:38,267
[laughing] Whoo!
179
00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:42,188
[Ray] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
180
00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:43,272
[lamp shatters]
181
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:44,941
[sighs]
182
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:46,651
Can't have anything nice.
183
00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:48,694
Never gets old, does it?
184
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,821
Nope. Unlike some people.
185
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:51,948
[Lana] Excuse me?
186
00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:53,407
Lana, handle your business.
187
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:56,118
There's a giant squeezy toy on the loose.
188
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,453
[Lana] I'll squeeze your...
189
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,206
-Damn it!
-[Archer laughs] Got nothing.
190
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,592
Okay, keep your crazy eyes peeled.
191
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:13,803
And watch your muzzle, will ya?
192
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:15,721
I'm not trying to get blasted in the face.
193
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,848
Well, I'm not trying to get slimed!
194
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,768
-What? It's not a ghost, dumbass.
-How do you know?
195
00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:23,312
-[scoffs] Because nothing's a ghost?
-[metal bangs]
196
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,605
-[Carol gasps]
-Shh.
197
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:28,109
You open it on three.
198
00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:29,860
Ready?
199
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:31,112
One...
200
00:09:31,195 --> 00:09:32,822
-[Carol gasps]
-[yelps]
201
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,074
[Pam] Oh, for-- You pussy!
202
00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:37,535
You're supposed to be looking
for the damn xenomorph!
203
00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:39,370
I'm checking all the storage lockers!
204
00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:42,748
[shouts] This one's clear.
205
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:45,126
[footsteps patter]
206
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:47,503
On me.
207
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,673
-Freeze!
-[xenomorph] Don't shoot!
208
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:51,757
Don't shoot!
209
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,092
Let me see those hands!
210
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:54,510
I-- I don't have any.
211
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,012
-Duh-hoy.
-Shut up.
212
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:58,264
Okay, so who or what are you?
213
00:09:58,347 --> 00:09:59,599
I-- I'm Bort.
214
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:02,768
Bort the Garj?
215
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,188
Of the House of Garj?
216
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:09,275
Well, Mr. Bort the Garj,
just what do you think you're doing?
217
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:13,321
Eating off-brand cereal?
218
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:16,991
No, the passengers were from all over.
219
00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:18,868
I was the only Garj,
220
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:21,996
and so I was able to hide in the walls
when they attacked the transport.
221
00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:25,583
And after they killed all the crew,
they just... took everybody.
222
00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:27,960
To sell into the spek mines, no doubt.
223
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,920
So, how do you know English?
224
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:31,881
Is... that relevant?
225
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:32,965
Yeah, Lana.
226
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:34,508
I mean, why does anybody know it?
227
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:36,510
I mean, she does.
She's obviously not human.
228
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,304
But not so obviously a she.
229
00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:40,473
-Hey!
-We were all thinking it.
230
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:43,267
-'Cause you're all a buncha xenophobes!
-Are you--
231
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,102
You're as bad as she is!
232
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:48,648
-Always calling me "fish," or--
-That doesn't count! You're a robot.
233
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,650
Synthetic. Human.
234
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:52,318
Potato, pobobot, am I right?
235
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:54,987
Anyway, the important thing is I'm okay.
236
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,072
Is that so?
237
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:59,241
Well, yeah. I mean, I'm heir
to the throne of the House of Garj, so...
238
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:02,495
That's actually a pretty huge deal.
239
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:04,580
[stuttering] Like, how huge?
240
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,083
-Well--
-If you had to express it monetarily.
241
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:09,752
-Wh-- Oh, no.
-Lana, shut up.
242
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,003
-[together] Shut up.
-No!
243
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:14,006
-We are not going off on some...
-...wild goose chase! Who's in?
244
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,341
[excited chatter]
245
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:16,759
No! Now, wait a minute.
246
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,011
Lana, democracy has spoken.
247
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:22,014
So, if we take you home to Garj...
248
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,724
Well, to Garjek, our moon--
249
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:26,268
then my parents
will reward you handsomely.
250
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,521
I'm already handsome. How much?
251
00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:30,773
I mean, easily a million credits.
252
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:33,526
-[excited chatter]
-[Ray] In this economy?
253
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:35,528
And like I said, I'm a pretty huge deal.
254
00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:37,696
Yes. Yes, you definitely are.
255
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:42,785
So, can somebody here please get
His Highness some more cereal right now?
256
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,495
Yeah, or maybe just better cereal?
257
00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:46,539
Well, I don't know about all that.
258
00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:47,706
[Bort] Just a thought.
259
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,792
Can I talk to you?
260
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,043
Please?
261
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,337
If you can do it
while I'm plotting a course for Garjek.
262
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:54,422
Wha--
263
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:55,965
And ignoring you.
264
00:11:57,716 --> 00:12:00,136
[Lana] Because we need
to put the ship in dry dock.
265
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:02,430
The hull was damaged
even before this fiasco!
266
00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:03,514
[Archer] All right...
267
00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:04,849
Carry the two...
268
00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:09,228
And now you want to put more stress
on the ship and jump two systems away
269
00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:12,523
just because a sentient blob
says there might be money in it.
270
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:14,275
Un-carry the two...
271
00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:18,696
On top of which, not that you give a shit,
but you swore to me we'd go back to Earth.
272
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:19,864
You promised!
273
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:21,949
Lana, come on.
I've promised you lots of things.
274
00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:23,033
-Archer...
-Besides,
275
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:25,202
like you said, it's just two systems, a--
276
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:26,495
a skip and a jump.
277
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,289
What could possibly go wrong?
278
00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:29,457
Seriously?
279
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:33,711
[chuckles] Besides all the normal stuff
that could easily go disastrously wrong
280
00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:35,880
since space travel is so dangerous.
281
00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:37,339
[Lana sighs]
282
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:44,138
[Archer shouting] Whoo-hoo! Hyperspace!
283
00:12:57,693 --> 00:12:59,987
[Archer laughs] Oh, man!
284
00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,780
Is hyperspace not the best?
285
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,700
If you mean is it the best
at putting stress on the hull?
286
00:13:04,783 --> 00:13:06,619
Is this the rest of my life now?
287
00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:09,038
You bitching about the damn hull?
288
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:11,081
Right? Relax. The hull's gonna be--
289
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:12,291
-[crash]
-[glass shatters]
290
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:13,375
What the hell was that?
291
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,419
My last bottle of bitter lemon!
292
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:16,962
Dri'n fighters inbound!
293
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:18,380
[Archer] From where?
294
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,174
-[Lana] From the transport!
-[Archer] What?
295
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:22,259
[Lana] They must've followed us, dumbass.
296
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:23,677
How am I a dumbass?
297
00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,012
How much time do you have?
298
00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:26,805
-[crash]
-[both grunt]
299
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,432
[groans] Not much.
300
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,601
-[female voice] Hull damage.
-We know!
301
00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:31,936
[alarm blaring]
302
00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:34,104
-[female voice] Battle stations.
-Ugh! What now?
303
00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:36,440
Seriously!
304
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:39,026
But whatever it is,
I'm sure it's Archer's fault.
305
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:40,903
-Krieger, helm!
-Yep!
306
00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:42,321
Okay, assholes.
307
00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:44,448
Sun's out, guns out.
308
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:48,077
-Well, in space, the sun is always--
-Don't step on my line, fish!
309
00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,713
Whoa.
310
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:03,759
Uh, I thought this was a civilian ship.
Isn't it illegal for it to have weapons?
311
00:14:03,842 --> 00:14:05,386
Oh, my God, it is.
312
00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:08,347
Should we pull over
and call the Federation, or--
313
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:11,016
-What? No, I just--
-'Cause we're happy to pull over, Bort!
314
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,018
-[Krieger] Seriously?
-[Lana] No. Archer?
315
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,186
-[crash]
-Please!
316
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,063
Quit dicking around!
317
00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:18,691
[Archer] Yeah, Bort.
318
00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:24,113
Come on, come on, come on, come on...
319
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,239
Yes!
320
00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:29,410
Get some!
321
00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:30,578
Get some!
322
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:35,082
[shouting] Suppressing fire!
323
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,544
[Archer] Jesus,
you couldn't suppress a cough.
324
00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:40,629
-[Cyril] Yes, I could.
-Touché, Cyril.
325
00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:44,925
[Lana] We're taking too much damage!
326
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,635
Damn it! Okay, Carol.
327
00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,805
Carol? Carol!
328
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,307
-What?
-[Archer] You know what!
329
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,601
-Ugh!
-[Lana] Goddamn it, woman!
330
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,561
All right, already!
331
00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:58,689
Jesus!
332
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:13,078
Isn't it kinda weird Carol hates
doing the one thing she's good at?
333
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:15,289
No, I get it.
I mean, I'm like that with blow jobs.
334
00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:16,373
[Malory] Oh, for--
335
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:17,917
[laughing] Wait, what?
336
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,251
Yeah, who'da what?
337
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,128
[Archer] Since when
are you good at blow jobs?
338
00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:22,379
Excuse me?
339
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:24,506
[chuckles] For your information--
340
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,591
[Lana] Cyril, shut up!
341
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,760
-Let the man speak!
-[Archer] Yeah, Lana.
342
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:29,762
He has nothing to say on the matter.
343
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:33,015
-Do you, Cyril?
-I... No, I guess not.
344
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:34,767
[Archer] Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute!
345
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,478
[Lana] Hey, look over there!
That was the last pirate.
346
00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:38,729
Way to go, Carol!
347
00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:41,023
-Yeah. Yay, me.
-[Archer] Okay,
348
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,192
-we will talk about this later.
-[Lana] No, we won't.
349
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:46,153
[Archer] But, for now, head to the gate.
We leave for the surface in five.
350
00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:48,822
Time to see
what a million credits looks like.
351
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:52,076
And we should take a duffel bag, or--
352
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,995
Ray? Uh... What are you doing?
353
00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:59,083
I thought I'd go down with y'all and see
if I could, you know, find some clientele.
354
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:03,337
[all laughing]
355
00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:05,214
-Hey, you know what?
-[Archer laughing]
356
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:06,465
I don't need it!
357
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,303
[Pam] Aw, man. Now I feel kinda bad.
358
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,263
[Archer] Yeah, I d-- I do too.
359
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:16,600
Let's bring him something back.
Does he still collect those little spoons?
360
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:17,851
Ugh, yes.
361
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:20,270
Hey, we're not going down there
for a shopping spree.
362
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,439
We're gonna use that reward money
to repair the ship.
363
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:24,900
Jesus! Calm down, it's just a spoon.
364
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:25,985
Yeah, Lana.
365
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:35,077
So, Bort, uh, what do we call your folks?
366
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,161
[Bort] Do what?
367
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:38,497
[Archer] Like,
is this a "your majesty" type deal, or...
368
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,666
Uh, yeah, I guess.
369
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:42,167
Okay, so--
370
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:43,585
Oh! Should I curtsy?
371
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,504
Ugh! There's a picture.
372
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:46,964
[Pam] First of all,
373
00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:50,134
I was voted most ladylike
in my cotillion class, and I also--
374
00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:52,386
Who was your competition? A boulder?
375
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,013
-[guns cocking]
-[all gasp]
376
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,764
-[Dri'n laughing]
-[Archer] What the--
377
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:57,683
-[man] Hey, gang.
-Wha--
378
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:01,478
-Barry 6?
-[all groan]
379
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,523
Yeah, it's good ol' Barry 6.
380
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:05,607
Say, Bort--
381
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:08,360
-[Lana] You know him?
-How the hell do you know Bort?
382
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,029
Oh, Bort and I go way back.
383
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:12,948
I got Bort out of a sticky little mess
on Vega 3.
384
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,075
-Didn't I, bud?
-Yeah.
385
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:17,453
-So this was all a big setup?
-Duh-hoy.
386
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:19,621
I'm super sorry, you guys.
387
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,165
Oh, you will be, you little--
388
00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:23,625
Butt-plug-looking piece of shit!
389
00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:25,502
That's what he reminds me of!
390
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,755
-Mother, please!
-Well, look at him!
391
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,923
So are we... cool?
392
00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:31,884
[chuckles]
393
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,427
I mean, I am.
394
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:35,679
Okay, well, then I'm just gonna...
395
00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:37,723
[grunting] Kinda...
396
00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:41,685
just dip on out then.
397
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:45,355
[Barry 6 chuckling]
398
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,648
Wow.
399
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,068
Look at that. Little kook.
400
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:51,820
You believe he's heir to the throne
of the House of Garj?
401
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,072
What do you want with us?
402
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:56,742
Well, me and Archer have what you might
call an outstanding account to settle.
403
00:17:56,825 --> 00:18:01,038
So, for starters, I'm gonna extract
all the bones from his body.
404
00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,289
-What?
-No biggie.
405
00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:04,333
-Well now, just hold on a minute!
-Yeah!
406
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,251
If this is between the two of you,
407
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,045
-the rest of us...
-No!
408
00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:09,671
The rest of you, I hope,
409
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:12,883
are gonna fetch me a pretty good price
when I sell you down the spek mines.
410
00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:14,384
[overlapping chatter] Seriously?
411
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:16,220
Yeah. Not great, huh?
412
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,679
[Dri'n laugh]
413
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:18,764
[door slams]
414
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,192
How about now?
415
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:31,443
Happy now?
416
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:35,948
I mean, probably happier than I'm gonna be
when Barry 6 starts yanking my bones.
417
00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:37,741
[snickers] Space phrasing!
418
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:42,371
[inhales deeply] No.
28431
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