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1
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[airplane engine droning]
2
00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:08,133
[clattering]
3
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,098
-What?
-No, nothing.
4
00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:16,933
[Archer] Flies like a dream.
5
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,144
[engine sputtering]
6
00:00:19,477 --> 00:00:21,646
Well, she did before you crashed her
7
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,732
into a goddamn street
anybody with the sense
8
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:25,525
God gave a goddamn duck could tell
9
00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:27,193
was nowhere near wide enough.
10
00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:28,695
Ugh, ducks.
11
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,572
Don't start your racist bullshit.
12
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:32,699
-You know I'm right.
-And I'm in no mood.
13
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,368
-In some kind of mood.
-Yeah, you want to guess why?
14
00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:36,578
-[static crackles]
-[Malory] Sterling?
15
00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:38,496
-Like, in general or--
-Bird.
16
00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,206
-[Malory] Sterling.
-What?
17
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,333
Sorry, what can I do for you?
18
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:45,378
Well, you can start
by watching that tone, mister.
19
00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:48,673
And then you can tell me why
I'm looking at the package
20
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:51,134
you were supposed to fly to Tahiti today.
21
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,804
-Oh, did I not do that?
-Do I need to remind you
22
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:58,141
just who exactly owns that flying crate?
23
00:00:58,516 --> 00:01:01,269
-Uh...
-So wherever you idiots are,
24
00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:03,396
and whatever idiocy you're up to--
25
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,190
-I--
-[Pam] I don't think idiots know
26
00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:07,192
how to find a million-dollar treasure.
27
00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:08,151
A what?
28
00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:10,028
What'd she say? What treasure?
29
00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:12,906
What are you two up to? Sterling?
30
00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:15,408
Because you're both company employees
31
00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:18,453
using company resources on company time,
32
00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:21,748
and so legally, anything
of value, be it monetary
33
00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:24,501
or otherwise, that you
may happen to make, find,
34
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:26,127
stumble upon, or otherwise ob...
35
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:28,004
-[gunshot]
-[both yelp]
36
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,340
-[clears throat]
-I, uh, probably shouldn't
37
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,466
have said anything, huh?
38
00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:33,384
Yeah. But was that necessary?
39
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:35,094
No, Crackers, it wasn't.
40
00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:37,555
In fact, it was wildly unnecessary,
41
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:40,725
like radish roses
or Pam running her fat mouth.
42
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:42,811
-I like radish roses.
-Right?
43
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,312
-Typical.
-Of what?
44
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:45,814
Of assholes.
45
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,691
Now, get out your shitty map,
and get us to that goddamn idol
46
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,527
so I can lie to my mother about finding it
47
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:54,114
and begin living a life of luxury
where she can't find me.
48
00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:55,532
Okay, God.
49
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,075
And it's not a shitty map.
50
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,576
It'll take us right to the idol.
51
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,787
Just set ole Lucy down in Dead Man's Cove.
52
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:03,164
Seriously? What, did somebody have dibs
53
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,291
on Foreshadowing Lagoon?
54
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:06,960
Hmm...
55
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,420
It doesn't say.
56
00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:14,050
[theme music playing]
57
00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:53,089
[Crackers] I just want
to reiterate that I think it was
58
00:02:53,172 --> 00:02:55,884
a pretty bad idea to shoot the radio.
59
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,844
[Pam] Jesus, talk about foreshadowing.
60
00:02:57,927 --> 00:03:01,097
Yeah, or don't. In fact, how about
you two don't talk about any...
61
00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:02,140
[howling]
62
00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:03,683
What the hell was that?
63
00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:05,268
Maybe howler monkeys?
64
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:08,146
[howling]
65
00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:09,689
Hopefully howler monkeys?
66
00:03:09,772 --> 00:03:11,816
Yeah, except howler monkeys
67
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,110
only live in Central and South America.
68
00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:16,029
Not only, monkeys live everywhere.
69
00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:17,488
-No, they--
-Shut up. One time, I saw
70
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:20,199
a monkey in a bar
in Paris, France, Europe.
71
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,410
-Well--
-Dressed as a teeny, tiny waiter.
72
00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:24,579
Well, then I obviously stand corrected.
73
00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:26,039
[howling]
74
00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:27,540
Yeah, like an idiot.
75
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:28,666
[Malory] I'm sorry?
76
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,544
-Hello, breakfast?
-Oh, do tell.
77
00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:36,007
I will have a crispy golden Belgian waffle
drizzled with melted Belgian chocolate
78
00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:38,635
with a side of Belgian endive.
79
00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:40,970
And I feel like I'd feel a lot better
80
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,764
if you were maybe writing this down.
81
00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:45,725
No need, that's just the King Leopold.
82
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,936
Really, that's, like, a dish you have?
83
00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:51,606
Oh, sarcasm.
84
00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,150
Well, then I'll just have champagne.
85
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,486
-Fresh out.
-Can you check again?
86
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:59,405
Or I could have the Germans
rip up the walls and floors
87
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,490
helping you look.
88
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,034
What kind?
89
00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:06,704
Mm... most expensive.
90
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:10,583
Speaking of which, has Sterling mentioned
91
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:14,420
anything to you about coming
into some money or, say...
92
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:16,631
[whispering] Treasure?
93
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:19,759
Oh, you mean since the night
he defiled my young, supple body,
94
00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:23,179
destroyed my marriage,
and sentenced me to a life of shame?
95
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:27,225
Or whenever, and why the hell
are you in here?
96
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,435
-Uh, breakfast?
-Not in here.
97
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:30,645
You're eighty-sixed.
98
00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:32,021
But I'm very hungry,
99
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,066
and for some verdammt reason,
Luigi is not open.
100
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:39,112
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
101
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:43,616
I also overheard you mention
something about hidden treasure?
102
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,410
-Nope.
-And also,
103
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:48,913
I could not help but notice you
have there a map of the island?
104
00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:50,456
-Nope.
-And so, naturally,
105
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,667
I wonder if you think
there is some treasure
106
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:54,252
hidden somewhere on the island,
107
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:56,587
like in the book
by Robert Louis Stevenson.
108
00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:58,298
[gasps] Weir of Hermiston?
109
00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:00,425
-Wh--
-Nein, Treasure Island!
110
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:02,302
I don't know all his goddamn books!
111
00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,554
-Move!
-But what I know
112
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:07,849
is that unless you want Manu
to scramble your eggs--
113
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,767
Ja, I would love some scrambled...
114
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,185
Oh, I see.
115
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:12,937
-You mean my testicles.
-[knuckles crack]
116
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:15,315
[speaking German]
117
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:20,737
Well, which way, insert obscure reference
to a famous cartographer?
118
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,780
-Ooh, Hendrik Hondius!
-Sure.
119
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:24,407
-Pam?
-I don't know who that is.
120
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,909
-No, which way?
-Okay, so...
121
00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,996
-Okay, so the thing is--
-Give me that.
122
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:33,458
-Oh, my God, is that shit?
-What?
123
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:35,710
-Ew.
-No, dumbass.
124
00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:37,378
-It's barbecue sauce.
-What--
125
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:40,131
-Kansas City or Carolina?
-What am I, an asshole?
126
00:05:40,214 --> 00:05:41,424
Already established.
127
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:43,593
And so what was already
the world's worst map,
128
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:45,595
you somehow made even worse by--
129
00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:47,889
-Wait, where'd you get barbecue?
-What?
130
00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:49,849
I haven't had barbecue
since we left Spain.
131
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,726
-Where the hell'd you get it?
-Oh, uh...
132
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:53,436
-Pam.
-Look, it's not--
133
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,563
-Oh, my God, did you...
-Oh, no.
134
00:05:55,646 --> 00:05:57,106
-Eat a person?
-What?
135
00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:58,524
-Ew.
-No!
136
00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,193
Then where'd you get barbecue?
137
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:01,986
-I didn't.
-Then why'd you have
138
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,113
-barbecue sauce?
-I don't... I mean...
139
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,323
-[quietly] I've been drinking it.
-What?
140
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:06,240
Oh, for the...
141
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:08,159
As an aperitif, happy?
142
00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:10,036
Happy you drink barbecue sauce?
143
00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:11,704
It's basically V8.
144
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,498
It's brown sugar and ketchup.
145
00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:15,875
God damn it, which way, Pam?
146
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:17,919
-That way.
-You're sure?
147
00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:22,131
-Positive. [chuckles]
-Well, you totally sold that.
148
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,092
I'm gonna miss that dopey confidence
149
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,344
once we find this damn id... [screaming]
150
00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:27,595
-What the--
-Archer?
151
00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:29,263
-[thudding]
-[grunting]
152
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,974
[yelling]
153
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,895
-Archer?
-Be careful.
154
00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:37,355
-Thanks, dummy.
-Eh.
155
00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:40,775
Oh, shit, it's a big, steep-ass ravine.
156
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,361
Okay, I'm gonna have to rappel down.
157
00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:45,238
-Should I come with you?
-Yeah.
158
00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:48,241
-Or your dumb ass could fly.
-Oh, right.
159
00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:50,409
[grunting]
160
00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:56,499
[grunts]
161
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,417
Come on, you got it. Just hurry up.
162
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,211
-Why, is he hurt?
-No, but--
163
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,588
-Shut up.
-Archer, you okay?
164
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,966
Uh, yeah, currently.
165
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,592
[grunting]
166
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,302
What do you mean, currently?
167
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:09,512
[gasps]
168
00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:11,472
Holy shitsnacks!
169
00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:13,599
-Yeah.
-Quicksand!
170
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:14,934
Yeah.
171
00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:16,018
[howling]
172
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,687
And that's still going on.
173
00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,856
[howling]
174
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,691
Which... so great.
175
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:26,612
[Lana] You cannot be serious.
176
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:29,240
Archer is out there looking for the idol?
177
00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:30,616
How does he even know where to look?
178
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,785
Well, I have no way to know this, but--
179
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,120
But meanwhile,
180
00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:36,330
instead of searching
the jungle for the idol,
181
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,124
your men are getting drunk every night
182
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:40,668
and shtupping the crazy coconut lady.
183
00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:43,045
Ja, they are really mondsüchtig.
184
00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:45,298
-Moonstruck?
-Moonstruck.
185
00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:47,800
-Besotted.
-I know what it means.
186
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,094
But I can't help wonder
if Japanese soldiers
187
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,846
wouldn't be much more disciplined.
188
00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:54,682
All right, I get your point.
I will find it.
189
00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:59,061
Now, how about a little Fruehstueck,
my little passion fruit?
190
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,230
Not until you pay me for the idol.
191
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:05,026
Aw, but that makes our relationship
sound so transactional.
192
00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:06,652
It is transactional.
193
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,946
Oh, I know, but it hurts to hear it.
194
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:12,575
No idol, no money, no fruit.
195
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:14,285
[groans]
196
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,120
[Cyril exhales]
197
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:19,123
[speaking German]
198
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:29,800
Uh, we were wondering
if perhaps, as a group,
199
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:30,801
we could speak English.
200
00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:31,886
-[all] Ja.
-English.
201
00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:33,679
-Warum?
-Well, as you call her,
202
00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:37,350
this crazy coconut lady
does not speak German,
203
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,268
so we would like to practice English.
204
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,645
-Yeah, why not?
-[laughs]
205
00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:42,647
Why, do you think
this woman would ever marry
206
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,482
one of you dummkopfen?
207
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,902
-I mean--
-Fine, English, then.
208
00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:49,820
We march today into the jungle,
209
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:53,032
where we will search
for and find something vital
210
00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:55,451
to the future of our great fatherland.
211
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:58,329
But the jungle is very dangerous,
212
00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:00,957
full of lizards and snakes and cannibals
213
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,583
and what else, Gott weiss!
214
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,252
Can we shoot lizards and snakes?
215
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:07,255
-Yes, of course.
-Can we shoot the cannibals?
216
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,173
You can shoot anything you want!
217
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,384
Now, are there any other questions?
218
00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:14,428
That are not about shooting things?
219
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,765
Then let's go. The American pilots
220
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,183
may have a head start on us.
221
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,686
They also may be smarter than they look.
222
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:24,063
Because get the hell off me, bird.
223
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:25,773
But I'm hugging you with my talons.
224
00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:27,525
-Why?
-'Cause I'm here for you.
225
00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:30,653
-Well, be here somewhere else.
-Yeesh.
226
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:33,072
-With friends like you...
-Case in point,
227
00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:34,782
what'd you mean when you said
you were gonna miss me
228
00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:35,866
once we found the idol?
229
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,868
I... Can we talk about this later?
230
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,829
No, why'd you say you'd miss me?
231
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,289
I... Look, you're gonna miss me
232
00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:43,249
if I drown in this goddamn quicksand.
233
00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:45,251
Yeah, try not to thrash around.
234
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:46,711
It makes you sink faster.
235
00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:48,921
-How would you know?
-Cowboy movies.
236
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,798
Can you please just get me out of here?
237
00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:52,425
How's this even supposed to work?
238
00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,802
Oh, my God, Elisha Otis,
you throw the rope
239
00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,137
over that branch up there.
240
00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:58,639
I catch the rope. I hold on to the rope.
241
00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:01,434
You hold on to your end of the rope,
and then you pull me to safety.
242
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,477
But wait, I mean, I can't pull you out
243
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:04,937
if you weigh more than I do.
244
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,356
-[laughs]
-Excuse me?
245
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,233
I mean, that's, like, science physics.
246
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:10,776
You think I weigh more than you?
247
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,529
[chuckling] Uh, yeah, you're a man.
248
00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:14,989
-Crackers?
-Nope.
249
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:16,574
-Bird.
-[sighs]
250
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:19,201
Wait, what? You think
I weigh more than him?
251
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:20,661
-I mean--
-[gasps]
252
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:23,539
No, not in a... Come on. You're big-boned.
253
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,791
-And easily 6'5".
-Now, can you please
254
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,044
use those big-ass bones
to get me out of this bullshit?
255
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,421
Okay, smart guys, I'll bet you.
256
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:33,758
[grunts] Fifty bucks
says Archer's heavier.
257
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:35,259
[laughs] Make it $100.
258
00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:37,011
-You're on.
-Well, but there's his
259
00:10:37,094 --> 00:10:39,138
actual weight, plus,
you also have to overcome
260
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:40,848
the suction power of the quicksand,
261
00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:43,643
and I don't know if that's
expressed in foot-pounds
262
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:46,395
-or Newton-meters or--
-I don't care if it's in ergs.
263
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,313
It's not.
264
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:48,856
She still weighs more than me.
265
00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:52,109
-Then let's make it $200.
-Bring it.
266
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,069
[grunting]
267
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,612
The real problem here, though,
268
00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:56,364
isn't which one of you weighs more.
269
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,616
It's your combined weights
in relation to the--
270
00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:00,785
-Whoa!
-Oh, no, no, no...
271
00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:02,119
Whoa, whoa!
272
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:05,623
[groans]
273
00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:07,958
Yeah, I was gonna say the branch.
274
00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:09,919
[howling]
275
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:12,922
I mean, first Pam mentions treasure,
276
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:16,258
and then that sneaky little
Kraut gets all flustered,
277
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,219
like he's heard of the treasure?
278
00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:20,763
What if there's actually
treasure on the island?
279
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:22,431
Ha, I think it is a good story.
280
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,017
I mean, it is no Weir of Hermiston, but--
281
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:27,103
-Oh, shut up.
-What about him?
282
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:28,938
He's not read it.
283
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,148
No, ask him about the treasure.
284
00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:33,818
Like, if there's
a native legend or something.
285
00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:34,735
[sighs]
286
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:37,321
[speaking French]
287
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,492
-[gasps]
-He says, "Yes."
288
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,494
Where? Ask him where!
289
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:44,954
[speaking French]
290
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:47,665
[intense music]
291
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:50,126
He says somewhere in this area here.
292
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:52,378
Close to La Crique de l'Homme Mort.
293
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:55,339
-It means Dead Man's Cove.
-[laughs]
294
00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:57,216
Dead Man's Cove?
295
00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,678
What, did somebody already
have dibs on Harbinger Harbor?
296
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,389
He say he don't know.
297
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:06,183
Because why'd you say you'd miss me
298
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,102
once we found the goddamn idol?
299
00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:09,812
-Oh, my God.
-Well?
300
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:11,689
I... Wait, Crackers.
301
00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:13,607
If I can tie the rope
around this heavy branch,
302
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:15,985
can you fly it up
into the notch of that tree
303
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,362
-and kind of wedge it in there?
-I don't know.
304
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,406
-Can you bench-press a train?
-[mockingly] I don't know.
305
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,908
-Can you bench-press a train?
-Hey, but what I could do
306
00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:26,036
is use the radio in the plane to...
wait for it...
307
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,205
[howling]
308
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:29,999
-You know--
-I could fly back to town
309
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,417
and get help. I'm sure your mother would--
310
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:34,420
No, all Mother cares about
is getting her Manu hooks
311
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:36,213
into whatever money the idol's worth,
312
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:39,800
thanks to Pam, so no.
Nobody's going anywhere.
313
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,010
Certainly not you two.
314
00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:42,595
Will you shut up and let me think?
315
00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:46,432
Why'd you say you'd miss me if--
316
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:52,104
God damn it, because, Pam,
I'm currently up to my ears in quicksand,
317
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:55,733
and before that, I flew here in a plane
made out of literal garbage,
318
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:58,652
and before that,
my eyeball got shot out in Spain,
319
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:02,072
and before that, I went bust
on those goddamn chinchilladas.
320
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:04,783
And the common denominator
in every bad thing
321
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:07,286
that's ever happened to me is you!
322
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:08,454
And you know why?
323
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:10,539
Because the only two kinds
of luck you have
324
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,082
are bad and none!
325
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,960
Because you are a jinx,
326
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:18,506
and that idol is my ticket
out of Loserville,
327
00:13:18,797 --> 00:13:21,342
population, you!
328
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,556
[sobbing]
329
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,267
-Goddamn, dude.
-Shut up, bird.
330
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,561
And as for you, I...
331
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:35,898
Hey, hey, come on. Knock it off.
332
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:38,400
I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
333
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:40,277
I just meant... Ow, what the...
334
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:44,782
[howling]
335
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,493
So great.
336
00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:52,957
[howling]
337
00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,667
-[grunts]
-Ow.
338
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:57,545
What the hell are you doing over there,
waiting for your pitch?
339
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,213
I'm doing the best I can.
340
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,549
Which I'm sure isn't good enough for you,
341
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:03,551
because apparently, it never is.
342
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:06,804
But don't worry,
if we get out of here alive,
343
00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:09,223
you and me are quitsies!
344
00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:12,810
Well, that suits me just fine! Ow!
345
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:15,604
Well, it's been not so nice knowing you.
346
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,523
Guys, come on. You're talking crazy.
347
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:20,484
Well, why should I stick around somebody
who doesn't appreciate me?
348
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,986
No, about getting out of here alive.
349
00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:24,029
Oh, I've been in tougher
scrapes than... ow!
350
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:25,865
He's right, we can't do this forever.
351
00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:28,951
[howling]
352
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:32,121
That is very strange.
353
00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:34,540
It sounds like howler monkeys,
354
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:37,042
but they are not indigenous
to the Pacific.
355
00:14:37,626 --> 00:14:41,005
Oh, yes, damn it,
you can shoot the monkeys!
356
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:43,757
Then what? What was your question?
357
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:46,343
Sorry, I was just going to ask
358
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:47,970
if we can shoot the monkeys.
359
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:50,014
-What?
-He just said that.
360
00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:54,184
Eh, I know, but I was going
to ask it before he said that.
361
00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:57,146
And then he asked me
what my question was, and...
362
00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:58,314
[gunshot]
363
00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:01,275
Any other questions?
364
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:03,694
Well, then what would you suggest?
365
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:05,195
That I fly back to town for help.
366
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,405
-No.
-What do you mean, "No?"
367
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,115
-What?
-You go back for help,
368
00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:11,201
Mother's gonna find out,
get her nosy beak all up in it,
369
00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:12,995
and the next thing you know, she tricks us
370
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,496
out of our million-dollar treasure.
371
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,957
-What?
-Wait, so you'd rather just die?
372
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:20,961
Than to see her spending my fortune
on boy toys and artisanal gin?
373
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:22,212
-Ow!
-Oh, my God.
374
00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:23,464
-Well?
-I'm going for help.
375
00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:24,798
-No!
-Yes!
376
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,550
-No!
-Yep, yep, yep.
377
00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:28,093
God damn it, Crackers.
378
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:29,720
And you get the bird, by the way.
379
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:32,222
-Who says I want him?
-I can still hear you!
380
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:34,350
-[both] Shut up, bird!
-[Crackers] Eh.
381
00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:37,519
-Excuse me?
-I said I'm going with you
382
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,438
to look for hidden treasure or whatever.
383
00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:42,983
-Have you lost your mind?
-I think maybe I have,
384
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:45,361
yeah, because if you leave me here,
385
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,905
I am gonna burn down your goddamn hotel!
386
00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:50,032
You can't! Arrest her.
387
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:53,661
Oh, no, never again.
I say bring her along.
388
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,412
With any luck, she will be torn apart
389
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,081
and eaten by wild animals.
390
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,791
Mm-mmm!
391
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,125
Pffft!
392
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:03,295
-Aw, shit.
-Oh, for--
393
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:06,715
-Way to go, idiot.
-How is that my fault? Ow.
394
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,968
How is everything your fault? Ow!
395
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:10,803
-Exactly.
-Wait, what?
396
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:12,763
You're the one
who's always shooting off his...
397
00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:14,223
Hey, wait, where's your gun?
398
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:17,184
Why, you need something
that's full of goddamn quicksand?
399
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:18,852
You can at least show it to them.
400
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,437
What good would that possibly do?
401
00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:22,398
I don't know. It might scare them off.
402
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,358
They don't know what a gun is.
403
00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:26,026
-Ow!
-You don't know that.
404
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,570
For all you know, they broke
out of some top secret lab.
405
00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,239
They might be super intelligent.
406
00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:32,324
Do they look super intelligent?
407
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,243
Oh. [scoffs]
408
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,078
Who among us? Ow!
409
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,871
Come on, show them the heater!
410
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:40,374
Oh, but only because this is the last time
411
00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:42,084
I do one of your stupid ideas.
412
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:44,211
There, happy?
413
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,296
[howling]
414
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:47,881
What the--
415
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,259
Holy shit, they're running away!
416
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:52,386
-See?
-It wasn't because of the gun.
417
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:55,931
Yeah, I mean, maybe they were just as sick
of your bullshit as I am.
418
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:59,393
-They sound very excited, no?
-[chuckles]
419
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,438
Must be with the crazy coconut lady.
420
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:03,731
Whoo!
421
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,066
[speaking French]
422
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,153
Oh, my God, and if you see any oysters,
423
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:12,114
we have to stop. I am starving.
424
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,867
What? Where the hell would we see oysters?
425
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:17,369
Wherever.
426
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:19,705
-Oh, whatever.
-Then tell me.
427
00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:21,790
Tell me one time us being partners
428
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:25,294
got us out of a bad situation
instead of deeper in it.
429
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:27,629
-[sobbing]
-Oh, great.
430
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,049
-Maybe you can float us out.
-I'm sorry.
431
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:33,260
It just hurts to hear your
best friend in the whole world
432
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:37,097
say it's just been
a big, fat waste of time
433
00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:41,769
and he'd be better off
if he never even met you,
434
00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:46,815
even after you gave him
the best years of your life,
435
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:52,821
and you got nothing,
nothing to show for it
436
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:56,784
except for half an old magical bird!
437
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,994
-[sobs]
-Magical?
438
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,121
Well, how else can you explain it?
439
00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,749
That's not normal bird behavior.
440
00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:05,834
-He's a parrot.
-Still, though.
441
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,420
No, but come on,
the best years of your life?
442
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,506
I mean, it's not like we were a couple.
443
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:13,759
No, I was never a couple with anybody.
444
00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:16,553
Because I put everything into us.
445
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:20,557
And I have nothing, Archer! Nothing!
446
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:23,268
Well, Jesus Christ,
what am I supposed to do, Pam?
447
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:24,728
Ask you to marry me?
448
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,730
-Wait, what?
-What?
449
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:28,107
[gasps] Are you--
450
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:31,735
-Oh, no, no, no. I--
-Oh, I get it.
451
00:18:32,402 --> 00:18:36,573
You'd have to be some kind
of giant, flapping asshole
452
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:39,743
to ask that big dumb
Pam Poovey to marry you!
453
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:42,663
No, come on, you're a great gal.
454
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,998
You're smart. You're funny.
455
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,834
Any guy would be lucky to have you.
456
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:50,754
-You didn't say pretty.
-In your own way, you are.
457
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:53,507
If you'd ever put on
some makeup or a dress.
458
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:55,092
And I mean, I assume you've got
459
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:56,844
a pretty colossal set of tits under there.
460
00:18:56,927 --> 00:19:00,139
They are! They're goddamn colossal!
461
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:01,640
And we are best friends.
462
00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:04,309
You're actually the only person
I don't hate to be around.
463
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:07,396
And I guess we do kind of make
a pretty great team.
464
00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:09,064
[sniffles] Wait.
465
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,651
What are you... what are you saying?
466
00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:15,612
[stammering] I mean, I don't know.
467
00:19:15,904 --> 00:19:18,866
If I did ask you to marry me someday,
468
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,076
what would you say?
469
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:28,250
[laughs]
470
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,376
Okay.
471
00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:30,878
[laughing]
472
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:34,756
Oh, my God, you goddamn idiot.
473
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,467
-Okay.
-I can't believe I got you to say that.
474
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:41,722
That is the dumbest idea
I've ever heard in my life.
475
00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:45,142
-I mean, that idea sucks.
-Okay!
476
00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:49,938
That idea would suck a dick
just to cut in line
477
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:52,524
to suck a bigger dick.
478
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:55,152
-Okay, Pam.
-[laughs] Oh, man.
479
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:58,405
Oh, thank you, I needed that.
480
00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:00,365
Yeah, well, you know what I need?
481
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,201
[coughs] Oh, my God.
482
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:03,660
It's up to my mouth.
483
00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:06,580
Wait, wait, why isn't it up to your mouth?
484
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:07,998
-What?
-The quicksand.
485
00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:09,374
Why aren't you sinking?
486
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,585
-I can touch.
-What?
487
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:12,961
My feet are touching the bottom.
488
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:16,298
Then why didn't you just walk out?
489
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:19,343
Well, I was going to,
but then you started blubbering
490
00:20:19,426 --> 00:20:21,261
about how you wanted
to get married and shit.
491
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:23,889
Get your big ass out
of this goddamn quicksand,
492
00:20:23,972 --> 00:20:25,390
and then get my ass out!
493
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:28,018
Okay, jeez, lighten up already.
494
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:29,728
-Hurry up!
-You can't go through life
495
00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:32,773
pissed off all the damn time.
It'll give you ball cancer.
496
00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:35,525
I had an uncle once, Norm,
always pissed off, and...
497
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:36,735
Whoops!
498
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,863
-And?
-[gulps]
499
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:41,490
Um...
500
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:44,243
[intense music]
501
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:46,078
[Archer] What happened to Norm?
502
00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:49,706
Let me guess. Did you annoy him to death?
503
00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:53,627
[theme music playing]
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