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1
00:00:02,585 --> 00:00:05,088
[Pam]
Okay, keep coming...
2
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:06,923
[annoyed sigh]
3
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,842
Looking good,
keep coming...
4
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:10,218
Can I just take it off?
5
00:00:10,301 --> 00:00:12,470
No, shut up,
keep coming...
6
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:14,764
Really not liking this.
7
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,142
Well, but once you see
the surprise, keep coming,
8
00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:19,519
you're gonna forget
all about being mad about the map.
9
00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:22,355
That's what I'm saying,
if the goal here is to unpiss me off...
10
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:23,648
-[metallic clang]
-Oww! What the--
11
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,191
Sorry, go left?
12
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:26,276
Goddamn it!
13
00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:28,820
Wait, hang on,
wait, wait, wait!
14
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:30,739
Wh... What the...
15
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,323
[Pam] Ta-da!
16
00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,242
[Archer]
What the actual goddamn shit?
17
00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:35,618
[Crackers]
Yeah, right?
18
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:36,953
At first,
I was like, pfft,
19
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,079
but then I was like myeah?
20
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,664
What'd you--
What have you done?
21
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:42,208
Well, I used the all the ribs,
they were in pretty good shape,
22
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,043
the spans are the toughest
bamboo I could find--
23
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:45,378
-I helped.
-Shut up.
24
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:46,963
Then I covered 'em
with canvas sails,
25
00:00:47,046 --> 00:00:48,423
and doped
the whole thing up tighter
26
00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:49,966
than dick's hatband!
27
00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:51,092
Hey, whoa!
28
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,011
Dick's hatband?
Dick's hatband?
29
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:54,804
-Yeah, I dunno.
-People say that.
30
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,389
-Right?
-You big dumb ox!
31
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:57,557
You ruined her!
32
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,894
[tearing up]
B...but...I thought you'd be happy!
33
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:01,811
Happy?
34
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:04,314
You thought I'd be happy?
I oughta--
35
00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:06,900
What the...
36
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,568
[plane approaching]
37
00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:18,161
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon,
where are you?
38
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:23,583
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon.
39
00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:29,088
C'mon, baby, c'mon,
you can do it.
40
00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:30,548
Don't let him in the slot!
41
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:35,553
[speaking German]
42
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:38,598
Good morning, my little egg.
Do you want a bit of pepper?
43
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:40,433
[artillery firing]
44
00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:41,976
[grunting]
45
00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,604
C'mon, ya fat Russian pig!
46
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:48,358
[speaking German]
47
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:50,985
What, you do not like
pepper?
48
00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:55,532
Goddamn it!
49
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,492
[speaking German] For an egg,
you are very picky.
50
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,248
[Archer]
Son of a-- No! No!
51
00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:05,083
No, no, no, no, no, no!
52
00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:08,169
[speaking German]
Oh no, I burned the egg.
53
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:09,921
Breakfast is ruined.
54
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:13,216
[coughing]
Goddamn it.
55
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:14,968
Goddamn it!
56
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:19,013
Eat a dick!
57
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:24,227
[Archer]
Wha... what... what is it...
58
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,020
[Pam] Archer?
59
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,272
-[snaps fingers]
-Hey. Hey!
60
00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:28,189
Huh?
61
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,732
Where'd ya go, buddy?
62
00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:31,985
Spain...
63
00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:35,113
[Crackers]
Heh. Oh, man.
64
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:37,073
Is Spain not the best?
65
00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:39,450
C'mon, tapas?
66
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,120
[theme music playing]
67
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:22,911
[Pam] Archer?
68
00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:24,704
Archer, hey, c'mon...
69
00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:28,124
C'mon. C'mon, snap out of it, bub,
70
00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:30,543
'cause, uh, we got company.
71
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,754
Huh? What...what...
Wait, where am I?
72
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:34,297
Right here with me and Crackers.
73
00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:35,423
-Ugh.
-[hurt] Hey...
74
00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:37,133
Question is, where were you?
75
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,635
Pam, it was the damnedest thing.
76
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,428
All of a sudden
I was back in Spain,
77
00:03:40,511 --> 00:03:42,555
getting shot down
by that son of a bitch Ziegler.
78
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,599
-Yeah, so...
-[Ziegler chuckles]
79
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,684
-Which time?
-[Archer gasps] What the hell?
80
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:49,354
-Yeah, so, funny story...
-Ziegler?
81
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:50,605
Hallo, Archer. Heh.
82
00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,273
You are flying
a garbage truck now?
83
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,567
No, I-- Wait, how are you here?
84
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,861
It is an incredible
coincidence, yeah?
85
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,404
Literally incredible.
86
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,323
So, does this place have a bar?
87
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,617
I owe you a drink,
you have made me famous.
88
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:05,161
[speaking German] Fellas! This is Archer!
From Spain!
89
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,746
[raucous laughter]
90
00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:08,706
Das is die umgekerht Ace?
91
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:09,707
Ja!
92
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:11,125
[speaking German]
93
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,878
This means the "reverse ace."
94
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:17,131
Because in Spain
I shot him down five times.
95
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,425
-We know.
-Plus not to mention his eye...
96
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,761
-Then why did you?
-[verbal shrug]
97
00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:23,638
-And why the hell are you here?
-Well, I--
98
00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:25,640
[Fuchs]
I don't see how that concerns you.
99
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,100
Hauptmann Ziegler?
100
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:32,397
[speaking German] Come with me. You
and the soldiers are staying at the hotel.
101
00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:36,150
Oh. So, hey, Archer,
please let me buy you that drink, eh?
102
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:37,235
Come find me later.
103
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:39,904
Oh, don't worry, I'll find you.
104
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:42,532
Heh. Well, that would be a first.
105
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:43,533
[speaking German]
106
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:47,078
So, are you ready to bomb the
wild cannibals?
107
00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:50,498
Certainly, like in Guernica with
those Spanish dogs.
108
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:54,419
Man. So the guy
who shot you down all those times,
109
00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:56,212
shot your eyeball out,
he shows up
110
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,881
on the same teeny tiny island,
halfway around the world?
111
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,800
I mean, what're the odds?
112
00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:03,136
-Literally zero.
-Shut up, bird.
113
00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:04,053
Eh.
114
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,472
-So...you okay?
-Hm?
115
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,766
Oh, yeah.
No, I'm fine,
116
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:11,602
I'm good, I'm totally good, I'm...
117
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:15,565
God...
118
00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:18,860
damn it!
119
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:23,906
Heh. No, I am good, I'm great.
120
00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:26,034
'Cause I'm gonna kill him.
121
00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:28,870
-[pianist playing jazz within]
-[Malory] All right, missy, we need
122
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:30,455
to have a little talk.
123
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,623
Now, I don't know
what you studied
124
00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:35,835
at whatever fancy-pants
finishing school you went to--
125
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:37,003
-Finch.
-What?
126
00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:38,838
I went to Finch?
127
00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:40,381
No one cares.
128
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:41,758
But can I assume
129
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,843
they didn't teach you
business management?
130
00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:45,511
I don't know.
131
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,472
Well, now you are a business.
132
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,849
In which I've made
a major investment--
133
00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:52,393
Pfft, what,
bear claws and brandy?
134
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:55,063
And a roof over your head.
135
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,690
And so far, you're
not making me any money.
136
00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,275
Well, how can I?
Look at this place.
137
00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:01,027
There's hardly
ever anybody in here.
138
00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:02,236
Well, what about him?
139
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,739
Did you ask him about a date?
140
00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,824
-I asked them both.
-Seriously?
141
00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:09,869
Ugh! I'll try again
after they finish that sherry.
142
00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:12,580
I-I... I think she was on the fence.
143
00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:14,499
[gasps]
Wait, what about him?
144
00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:16,334
[Malory] Oh, no.
145
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:18,044
He is strictly off limits.
146
00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:19,879
And if I catch you
sniffing around--
147
00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:22,757
-[shattered glass]
-[soldiers chattering in German]
148
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:26,135
[raucous cheers]
149
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,345
What in the...
150
00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:29,138
Eh...parlez-vous Français?
151
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,056
English.
152
00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:31,099
Good, better.
153
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:32,558
Eleven liters of beer, please.
154
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,894
The first round is on me!
155
00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:36,187
[soldiers cheering raucously]
156
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:37,772
And then they pay for themselves!
157
00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:39,774
[soldiers playfully boo
and blow raspberries]
158
00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:41,651
Oh, do not listen to them,
159
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:44,362
their pockets
are stuffed with back pay.
160
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,448
And they have not seen
a woman in months. Oof.
161
00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:48,950
Ahem.
162
00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:50,535
Here, take this down
163
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:52,411
to the shop
and tell Mister Wong
164
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:56,040
you want the biggest jar
of coconut butter he's got.
165
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:57,125
Why?
166
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:58,793
Trust me.
167
00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:03,881
[Pam]
Base a Rojo Tres.
168
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:05,550
Rojo Tres, responde.
169
00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:06,884
[static]
170
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:10,054
Rojo Tres. Rojo Tres.
171
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:11,431
God-- Archer.
172
00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:12,723
[Archer on radio] What?
173
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,725
[Pam on radio]
You're Rojo Tres!
174
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,061
I thought I was Red Thr-- Oh.
175
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,396
[Crackers, low] Jesus Christ.
176
00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:19,439
Shut up, bird.
177
00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:20,898
[Pam] No, you shut up, and keep
178
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:23,067
an eye peeled for
that son of a bitch Ziegler.
179
00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:24,193
[Ziegler on radio] Ja?
180
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,194
Wh-?
181
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,488
He could be anywhere.
182
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:31,200
-[Ziegler laughs]
-Goddamn it, Ziegler, you--
183
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:35,413
[Ziegler chuckling]
Adios, desayuno.
184
00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:38,166
Ziegler!
185
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:40,543
[gasps]
186
00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:42,879
[heavy breathing]
187
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:47,925
[angry sigh]
Oh, Ziegler.
188
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:51,220
[Fuchs laughs]
It means the brickmaker!
189
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,514
Ziegler, this is
a family name in German
190
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:54,849
for someone who makes bricks.
191
00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:55,933
[Lanaluakalani] Mm-hmm...
192
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,059
[Fuchs] But in this case,
193
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,895
it has also another meaning
194
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,522
because he turns
the enemy warplanes into bricks!
195
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,858
Yeah, other languages
have puns too.
196
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,943
But not as powerful
as German puns!
197
00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:08,237
-Shhh!
-And so, with Ziegler
198
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,114
and the other pilots
providing close
199
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:11,866
air support
to the new soldiers,
200
00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:15,244
nothing, not cannibals,
not those verdammt lizards,
201
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,205
can stop us
from finding the idol!
202
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,998
[stage whisper]
Keep your voice down!
203
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:21,125
If my father hears you,
he'll cut your balls off!
204
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:24,212
[chuckling]
Ja, right, like your bodyguards, eh?
205
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,463
-No.
-Oh.
206
00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:27,673
But until then,
get back in here
207
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:30,885
and bring me
some more wienerschnitzel.
208
00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:33,679
[Fuchs]
I, uh, still need a bit more time...
209
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:34,680
Still?
210
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,016
Ugh. What is taking so long?
211
00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:40,353
I must, uh,
replenish my lebenskraft.
212
00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:41,854
[Lanaluakalani]
Still, though...
213
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,272
Wait a minute,
you're not seeing
214
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,857
someone else, are you?
215
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:46,275
Don't be foolish.
216
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,694
Besides, what other women even live
217
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,530
on this gottverlassen island?
218
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,698
[delighted laughter]
219
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:55,868
♪ Oh, it's a long way to Tipperary ♪
220
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:58,996
♪ It's a long way to go ♪
221
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,706
What is the meaning of this?
222
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,084
The best I can tell,
it's about an Irishman
223
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:04,710
learning about cunnilingus.
224
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:05,836
Quoi?
225
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,005
-Oh, sorry, that's when--
-I know what it means!
226
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,550
-Really?
-I mean these German soldiers!
227
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,843
They have invaded French territoire!
228
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:15,513
-And my heart, if I'm being honest.
-What?
229
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:18,599
If these big lugs
gamble and screw
230
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,851
as much as they drink,
I can retire!
231
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:23,145
Well, you may be
for sale, madame,
232
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,314
but the honor
of France is not.
233
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,858
I shall place them all under arrest!
234
00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:32,697
Viens, Doudou!
235
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,658
Well, bonne chance with that...
236
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:36,951
[Charlotte delighted laughter]
237
00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:39,245
♪ Farewell Angleterre-- ♪
238
00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:42,456
-[grunts in pain]
-Silence!
239
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:44,166
Who is in charge here?
240
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,751
I think I am.
241
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:46,877
Hauptmann Ziegler.
242
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,505
This island is French territory!
243
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,966
You and your men
are here illegally!
244
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:54,343
Oh. But we are
just here as tourists!
245
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,469
[chuckles and laughter]
246
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:58,180
Well, then I hope
you enjoy the tour of my jail.
247
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,141
Because you are all under arrest!
248
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,434
[all protesting in German]
249
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:04,103
Come on, we are just
some cool guys on leave,
250
00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:07,982
and since France is so far away,
and you are so outnumbered,
251
00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:10,901
can't you also just be a cool guy?
252
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,198
-Non.
-Fair enough.
253
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:19,076
Et tu n'as rien fait...
254
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,162
Rien!
255
00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:23,998
-[soldiers, distant]
-♪ Oh it's a long way to Tipperary... ♪
256
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:25,374
Tipperary. Pfft.
257
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,917
It's a long way
to the goddamn ground,
258
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:29,420
in a tired-ass
Russian biplane,
259
00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:31,631
when you lousy krauts
are ripping around
260
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:35,259
in your brand-new
goddamn Messerschmitts...
261
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:37,720
[Pam over radio]
Okay, Archer,
262
00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:40,056
keep an eye on your six this time.
263
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:41,724
Don't worry about me, Pam.
264
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:44,352
Today's the day,
I can feel it, I'm gonna--
265
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:46,937
[Archer] Ziegler!
266
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,940
[Ziegler laughing]
267
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:51,859
Oh, so now we're just camping?
268
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,619
Higher top speed,
higher ceiling, tighter turn,
269
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:05,748
better rate of climb, so big whoop,
you got a couple of kills.
270
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:10,378
It's easy when you sneak up on people.
271
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:11,671
[Pam over radio] So, again,
272
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,547
and I really
can't stress this enough--
273
00:11:14,256 --> 00:11:15,925
Don't worry about my six, Pam.
274
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,636
Nobody's gonna sneak up on me now.
275
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:19,553
[plane approaching]
276
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:22,640
Oh...wait, hang on...
277
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:24,475
Oh, no, no,
no, no, no.
278
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,562
Oh! Ziegler!
279
00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:31,774
So drink up, Ziegler, you ratdick,
280
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,443
because your nightcap is gonna be...
281
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,237
[hiccups] ...bullets.
282
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,698
First thing,
I'm gonna shoot your eye out.
283
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,742
And then your dick off.
284
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:42,910
And then--
285
00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,703
[Reynaud groaning]
286
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,125
What the...
287
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:52,211
What're you doing?
288
00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:53,421
What does it look like?
289
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:55,798
Uh...a hermit crab?
290
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:57,883
Idiot!
Get me out of here!
291
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,468
-I'm busy.
-Wh...
292
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:03,806
What the...
293
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:05,307
-Oh, shoot.
-Aww, maaaan...
294
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,725
What the hell're you doing?
295
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:08,185
Well, we know you're sad,
296
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:10,271
so we were gonna
surprise you with a kringle.
297
00:12:10,354 --> 00:12:11,313
-A what?
-Kringle.
298
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,190
Kringle. State pastry of Wisconsin?
299
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:15,151
Wisconsin has a state pastry?
300
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,068
-Kringles.
-Kringles.
301
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:16,986
Stop saying kringle!
302
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,362
Okay, jeez!
303
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:19,989
But what're you doing
with your gun, there?
304
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,282
I'm gonna go in there--
305
00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:23,325
Actually, no, wait...
306
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,744
You're gonna go in there,
307
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:28,956
and lure Ziegler in here,
that's better,
308
00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:30,583
and I'm gonna hide in the pantry,
309
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:33,586
and then I'm gonna bust out
and shoot his eye out.
310
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,754
And then his dick off.
311
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:38,716
And then...his brains.
312
00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:41,177
-Whaaaaat?
-Yeah, you don't wanna do that...
313
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,636
Yes, I do, Pam!
314
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:43,637
An eye for an eye!
315
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:45,347
That's right in
the goddamn Bible!
316
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,850
Yeah, but c'mon,
that was a fair fight.
317
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:50,644
It wasn't fair!
I was in a biplane!
318
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:53,022
He was in a brand-new goddamn 109!
319
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:53,939
Still though...
320
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,816
Yeah, but you don't wanna
kill him like this, it's...
321
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,693
It's chickenshit.
322
00:12:57,776 --> 00:13:00,070
[weary sigh]
You're right.
323
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:02,072
Goddamn it, you're right.
324
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,365
And so...
325
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,075
I'm sorry for this.
326
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:06,452
Sorry for-- Ungh!
327
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:08,537
[Pam thuds]
Oh, what the shit, man?
328
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,664
-[gulps]
-Shut up, bird.
329
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:15,711
[Crackers] Hey.
330
00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:17,004
-Hey, wake up.
-[Ziegler snoring]
331
00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:18,506
C'mon, rise and shine, Fritz.
332
00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:19,673
[gentle snoring]
333
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,675
[annoyed sigh]
[squawks]
334
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:22,676
[Charlotte] Waaaghh!
335
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,136
-Jesus, what?
-Was?
336
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,679
Easy! Easy!
337
00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,097
I'm supposed
to give you this.
338
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,266
How is this bird talking?
339
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,184
Right?
340
00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:33,229
Was zur Hölle ist...scheiBß!
341
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:38,067
Nein, nein, nein, nein!
ScheiBßkopf!
342
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:39,818
[speaking German]
Schnell! Schnell, wake up!
343
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:44,240
-What?
-Come on! The planes are burning!
344
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:45,324
What?
345
00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:49,453
So, hey, what would
a gal have to do to--
346
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:50,412
[door closes]
347
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,164
Jesus, rude much?
348
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:53,332
I was going to ask how to get
349
00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:55,376
a ride out of here
on one of their planes.
350
00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:57,336
Yeah, I wouldn't hold my breath.
351
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:59,588
Yeah, well, I wouldn't
be a talking bird.
352
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,966
[speaking German]
Come on! Hurry up!
353
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:03,801
These damn pants!
354
00:14:04,718 --> 00:14:05,636
[sniffs]
355
00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:09,098
[speaking German] Hey, does your cock
smell like coconut?
356
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:10,849
Yes, a little.
357
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:12,518
[gentle snoring]
358
00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:17,439
Huzza...wuzza...
359
00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:18,899
Where the...
360
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,401
Oh, what the shit?
361
00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:22,611
[Archer]
Heh, heh. Hey, sleepyhead.
362
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:23,696
Glad you could join us.
363
00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:25,948
Why the hell am I in a--
Owww!
364
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:28,492
Christ on a bike!
My head kills!
365
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:31,120
[chuckling]
Yeah, mine did too, to be honest.
366
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,746
Little hairy dog?
367
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,457
No, I-- Wait a minute.
You hit me!
368
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,959
I lightly tapped you--
369
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,211
You piece of shit, you hit me!
370
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:41,338
-Only because you were right!
-What?
371
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,924
I was gonna shoot Ziegler,
you may not remember this
372
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:47,177
'cause you have a concussion,
but I was gonna shoot Ziegler,
373
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,179
but you told me
that was chickenshit,
374
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:51,223
and so now we're gonna
settle it up here,
375
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:54,184
in a dogfight,
in evenly matched planes!
376
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,185
Man to man!
377
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,478
And woman!
378
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,314
Well, yeah, I needed a tailgunner, so--
379
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,566
-Goddamn it!
-And so now's probably a good time
380
00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:02,860
to familiarize yourself
with said gun...
381
00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:04,069
Goddamn it!
382
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,280
...'cause if Crackers did
what I told him to,
383
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,656
it won't be long before--
384
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:08,782
[Ziegler over radio] Archer?
385
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:10,576
Speak of the teufel...
386
00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:12,161
Come on up, Ziegler.
387
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:14,413
See what it's like
to fight somebody fair and squ--
388
00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:15,915
[Archer and Pam yelp]
389
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,207
Say your prayers, Archer!
390
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,752
This time I will put you down
once and for all!
391
00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:21,378
Pam, get your head outta your ass!
392
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,255
-Me?
-Your one job
393
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,674
is to shoot things coming
at us from beh--
394
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:26,592
Oh, shit!
395
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:31,347
Son of a--
396
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:32,264
[Pam] What was that?
397
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:33,849
[Archer] Nothing.
398
00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:36,393
[soldiers chattering in German]
399
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,437
I assume this was Sterling?
400
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:39,521
Yep, yep, yep.
401
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:40,731
Mm-hmm.
402
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:46,946
-Puta mierda!
-Goddamn it!
403
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:49,782
[Ziegler laughing] It doesn't matter
what you fly, Archer,
404
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,408
I will always beat you!
405
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:52,910
Oh, you couldn't beat...
406
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:54,662
Hang on, I had something for th--
407
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:57,164
-Ya wanna save the quips?
-It was pretty good!
408
00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:01,001
Oh, wait, so's that.
409
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:04,129
[laughs hysterically]
410
00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,673
How do ya like that, Ziegler?
411
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:08,926
Heh. Who taught you
how to shoot, your husband?
412
00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,427
-[laughs]
-Will you shut up?
413
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:11,887
It was pretty good!
414
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,556
All right, Archer, I am bored
with this and with you.
415
00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:16,100
Get ready to die.
416
00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:17,935
[shrieks]
417
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:21,689
Um...okay.
418
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:25,442
-Was ist los?
-Wir sind getroffen!
419
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:27,111
[Ziegler]
Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein...
420
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,529
[speaks German]
421
00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:29,697
What the...
422
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,115
[Ziegler] Archer!
423
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,911
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hooo!
424
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,371
[laughing] Holy shit!
425
00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:38,789
-Did you see that?
-Yeah, I--
426
00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:40,332
I must've hit his fuel tank!
427
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:42,543
-Wait, what?
-Whoo-hoo!
428
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:45,212
Million-to-one shot, but I did it!
429
00:16:45,295 --> 00:16:47,297
I finally beat Ziegler!
430
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,341
Yeah. Way to go.
431
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,468
[laughing] Right?
432
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,721
But so now what? We can't
go back to the island now,
433
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,639
the krauts are gonna know
this whole thing was you.
434
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:56,890
You think
I didn't think of that?
435
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,435
Don't worry,
I put Crackers on it.
436
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:02,396
[Fuchs]
What in the hell is going on here?
437
00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:04,940
Well?
Someone had better tell me!
438
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,609
Uh, yeah,
so I was here, earlier,
439
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:08,944
and I saw the whole thing,
440
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,530
which was Ziegler
and the other guy,
441
00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:15,159
Schnell, who, come
to find out, is his lover...
442
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,660
-[all reactions of disbelief]
-Yeah...
443
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,579
So they stole
the other two planes
444
00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:20,205
and set this one on fire,
445
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:23,375
so nobody could follow them
to Shanghai,
446
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:26,128
where they plan
to open a cabaret,
447
00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:28,630
the unfortunately
named "Scandals."
448
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,174
[soldiers all exclaiming]
449
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:33,385
Ooh, Scandals,
that sounds fun, huh?
450
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:34,928
[soldiers speaking German]
451
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,638
Heh. Hi, guys!
452
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,766
You're bright-eyed
and bushy-tailed.
453
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,684
I'm surprised
you can even walk.
454
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:42,186
What? Oh!
455
00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:44,104
God, no, they were
all so drunk they thought
456
00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:47,649
that jar of coconut butter
was, you know, me. [chuckles]
457
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,610
Oh. Oh.
458
00:17:49,693 --> 00:17:52,321
Well, as long as you charged
everybody full price...
459
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:53,739
Heh. Right?
460
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:56,366
Then you should have
a lot of money to give me?
461
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:59,078
Ah. About that...
[scoffs]
462
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:02,164
I've decided that from now on,
I'm keeping all of it.
463
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:03,290
Excuse me?
464
00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:04,583
Yeah, because your cop buddy
465
00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:06,126
lives in a barrel now,
466
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:08,337
and this stupid island
is under an occupying power,
467
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:09,713
all of whom are heavily armed
468
00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,590
and basically
totally in love with me.
469
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:14,551
Für dich, Fraülein!
470
00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:16,053
Awww!
471
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:22,684
So go make me
some goddamn breakfast.
472
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,687
[Archer] Besides,
getting back to the island is like,
473
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,523
the one thing
we don't have to worry about.
474
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,234
Yeah exactly, so--
Wait, what?
475
00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:32,611
[engine seizes up]
476
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:33,737
Damn it.
477
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,030
Well, the good news is,
478
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,949
at least it's a seaplane, right?
479
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,075
Well, I mean, it was...
480
00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:39,493
What?
481
00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:41,120
[Pam] Goddamn it!
482
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,830
Goddamn it! If you--
483
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,623
Oh, shut up!
C'mon, if anybody
484
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:47,000
can crash-land a plane,
it's me, right? Huh?
485
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:49,503
With all my experience?
Pam?
486
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:50,838
Then get it over with!
487
00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:52,923
Oh, okay,
I guess just pout.
488
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:55,634
-Pam.
-I am!
489
00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:57,469
Okay, then here goes!
490
00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:01,056
[both yelling]
491
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:02,683
[Archer grunts]
492
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,476
[both scream]
493
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:08,939
[Archer]
Whooo-hoo-hoo!
494
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:10,274
Bocadas de mierda!
495
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,943
And did you see that, Pam?
496
00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:14,444
Also perfect!
497
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,572
Who wins? Huh?
Archer wins!
498
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,866
Yeah? This is a win for you?
499
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,869
Not just for me, Pam.
For America.
500
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,831
And those hapless
Spanish communists.
501
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,835
Well? So now what?
502
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:32,754
So now, since we've
only got one flare,
503
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,381
I'm gonna shoot
their leader with it,
504
00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:36,925
and then when the rest of them
go into a feeding frenzy,
505
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,552
you and me are gonna
make a run for it.
506
00:19:38,635 --> 00:19:40,637
-What?
-[chuckling] I'm kidding!
507
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,264
You big dumb idiot.
508
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,309
[sighs]
509
00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:46,393
Ya know...
510
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,187
[Archer chuckling]
511
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:53,859
[theme music playing]
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