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1
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,764
[Pam sighs]
2
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,474
[Pam] He looks so peaceful,
doesn't he?
3
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,935
Sometimes I wonder if he's dreaming.
4
00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:21,813
But then I remember I don't give a shit.
5
00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:24,399
-[blows whistle]
-[screams]
6
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:25,942
-[screaming]
-What the--
7
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:27,819
-[woman screams]
-[Archer screams]
8
00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:28,987
-Who the hell are you?
-[Crackers screaming]
9
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:30,822
[woman screaming]
10
00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:32,282
-Shut the f--
-[blows whistle]
11
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:33,950
-God--
-[woman and Archer screaming]
12
00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:35,243
-Hey!
-[woman and Crackers screaming]
13
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:36,411
Goddamn it!
14
00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:37,996
[gunshots]
15
00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:40,457
[woman sobbing]
16
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,334
What is your problem?
17
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:45,003
Patch. Patch. Eye patch.
18
00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:46,337
What-- Son of a--
19
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:47,714
[continues sobbing]
20
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,466
[sighs] Oh, thanks, lady.
21
00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:51,509
-Hang on.
-[sobs]
22
00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:53,511
Okay, there. [sighs] Sorry.
23
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:55,263
-[Crackers laughing]
-Shut up, bird.
24
00:00:55,346 --> 00:00:56,765
Why are you in here, dummy?
25
00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:59,017
What-- Because
the frickin' fuel pump's
26
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,144
still hinky, and we got that charter.
27
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:03,271
-That's tomorrow.
-It is tomorrow.
28
00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:05,440
-I just said that.
-No, you--
29
00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,275
You've been drunk two days.
30
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:08,777
Oh, right.
31
00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:10,278
So I guess that explains why
32
00:01:10,361 --> 00:01:11,946
you're here, naked lady stranger.
33
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,615
[sobbing]
34
00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:15,200
But why the hell are you crying?
35
00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:17,994
[sobbing and stammering]
36
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,038
Because... [sniffles]
37
00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:25,418
It's my... [panting] ...honeymoon!
38
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:30,799
[wailing]
39
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:32,592
We got married?
40
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:35,053
-[chuckles] Jesus Christ.
-[gasps]
41
00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:38,932
[theme music playing]
42
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:17,846
No, you idiot! [sobs]
43
00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:20,974
I got married to my husband.
44
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:22,559
This is my honeymoon!
45
00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:24,435
[chuckles] Oh, thank God.
46
00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:26,980
-For a minute there, I--
-I remember drinking champagne
47
00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:29,691
in the bar,
and then Whitney went off
48
00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:31,568
to play roulette in the back room...
49
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,361
He just ditched you?
What a jerk.
50
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:34,988
Yeah. Plus, Whitney?
51
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:37,323
But then it all goes a bit fuzzy.
52
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:38,950
[jazz music playing]
53
00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:40,869
I think that patch is sexy
54
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:43,580
and I kinda want to put
my tongue in there.
55
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,081
[burps] Oh, okay.
56
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,500
Oh, my God!
What have I done?
57
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:50,253
-Well, hopefully not that.
-[wailing]
58
00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:51,629
-[door opens in distance]
-[Whitney] Charlotte!
59
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:52,714
[gasps] That's him!
60
00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:54,048
-Who's him?
-My husband!
61
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,550
-Duh.
-Right?
62
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,010
-[pounding on door]
-[Whitney] Answer me this instant!
63
00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,219
Please, you have to hide me.
64
00:02:58,303 --> 00:02:59,846
Uh, actually, I do not.
65
00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:01,097
Wh-- Are you--
66
00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:02,932
Ooh. Here. Hide in here.
67
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:05,977
-What the hell are you doing?
-[pounding on door]
68
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:08,563
-[man] Charlotte!
-Oh, come on, don't be a dick.
69
00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:10,064
[sighs heavily]
70
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:13,192
-What?
-Yes, I'm looking for my wife,
71
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:16,195
Mrs. Charlotte Stratton,
née Vandertunt.
72
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:18,406
Redhead?
Kind of flibbertigibbity?
73
00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:20,575
Oh, why, yes,
as a matter of fact.
74
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:22,869
Closet.
75
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:24,245
-What? Archer!
-[Crackers] Come on, man.
76
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,413
Charlotte!
77
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:26,915
What are you doing?
You're ruining everything!
78
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,166
-[Charlotte screams]
-[Crackers squawks]
79
00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:29,626
Why the hell did you do that?
80
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:30,919
What'd you think,
we were gonna run away
81
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:32,378
and live happily ever after?
82
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,130
-[objects clattering]
-I mean...
83
00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:36,466
-How could I ever trust her?
-[Charlotte screaming]
84
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:37,884
-[Crackers squawking]
-You know, plus she obviously
85
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:40,136
-makes terrible decisions.
-I'll say.
86
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,721
-You'll say what?
-What.
87
00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:43,306
Goddamn it, Manu. If--
88
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,183
-[Malory] Sterling!
-[chuckles]
89
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:47,769
-[groans]
-Mama wants you.
90
00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:49,103
Don't call her that!
91
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:53,524
Oh, I would just murder that.
92
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,693
-Me, too.
-I meant sexually.
93
00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,237
I meant murder-ly.
94
00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:58,613
[Malory] Sterling!
95
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,532
What, Mother? Jesus!
96
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,994
What the hell is wrong with you?
97
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,664
Me? He's the one calling you Mama.
98
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:10,458
What? No, not Manu, you ass.
99
00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:12,543
Shooting off a gun in my hotel!
100
00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:14,420
Oh. [chuckles] Oh, right, that.
101
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:17,090
-Oh. No, there was a rat.
-Snake.
102
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,424
-Rat snake.
-Snake-rat.
103
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,510
-Goddamn it.
-Are you finished?
104
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:23,012
-Yes.
-[Whitney] Well, then, we are finished.
105
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,347
-[door closes]
-[object shatters]
106
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,432
And apparently, so are the Strattons.
107
00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,351
[Charlotte wailing in distance]
108
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:31,437
But then I don't suppose
you'd know anything about that.
109
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,482
No, I was pretty busy with the,
110
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:35,650
-uh, rat snake.
-Snake-rat.
111
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:36,693
-Goddamn it!
-What?
112
00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:38,152
[sighs]
113
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,571
-[sighs] Right?
-I swear to God,
114
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,449
if you can't learn to keep that thing
in your pants...
115
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,201
It was actually in a drawer.
116
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:48,830
...then you're going to have to find
a new place to live.
117
00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:51,249
What-- [scoffs]
Where else can I live for free?
118
00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:54,711
Oh, what, is that your point?
119
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:59,007
My point is, as the majority stakeholder
in Archer Airways,
120
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:01,843
I'd like to see a return on my investment.
121
00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:03,886
Ah, well, yeah, we all would.
122
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:06,180
-Sterling!
-And we got a charter.
123
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:07,849
-A what?
-[Whitney] A boat, you fool.
124
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,517
-I want a boat.
-[Malory sighs]
125
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,145
Why, Mr. Stratton, you're down early.
126
00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:13,563
Would you care for some breakfast?
127
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:14,897
Porridge!
128
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,357
Uh, I'm sorry?
129
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,735
Save your breath for cooling yours.
130
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:19,944
[both snicker]
131
00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:21,279
I want a boat to take me
out to the Clipper,
132
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:22,947
and I mean this instant.
133
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,907
-But I don't understand. Are you--
-And you!
134
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,744
I have half a mind to give you
the worst beating of your life.
135
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:30,538
All right, now.
You're obviously upset.
136
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,332
Yeah, you're talking crazy.
137
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:34,751
'Cause he's literally had
the shit beat out of him.
138
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,085
-'Member?
-You know...
139
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,464
Well, then maybe I'll just sue him
for alienation of affection
140
00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:43,051
-and prosecute you for... Pandering.
-What?
141
00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:45,344
Yeah, I don't think
any money changed hands.
142
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:47,638
-But if it did, it would be mine.
-Well...
143
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:50,224
Do you people think
this is some sort of joke?
144
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,684
I will ruin you!
145
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,269
Oh, all right.
146
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:55,730
-Manu, call the tender.
-Yes, Mama.
147
00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:57,482
And quit calling her that!
148
00:05:57,565 --> 00:05:59,525
Why does it bother you so much?
149
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:00,902
-[snickers]
-Seriously?
150
00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,528
Now, while you're waiting,
151
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,489
perhaps you'd like
to settle your account?
152
00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:06,574
I really do not get
your sense of humor.
153
00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:09,243
If you think I'm paying for that
so-called honeymoon suite...
154
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:13,414
No, no, I was referring to your marker
from last night at the roulette table.
155
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:16,542
[laughs]
Oh, all right, now that is funny.
156
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:20,671
You want me to pay you for what I lost
in your illegal gambling den?
157
00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,757
-[laughs]
-[whistle blows]
158
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,050
[French accent] Everyone out!
159
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:27,386
This hotel is closed until further notice!
160
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,889
How can you close me?
Upon what grounds?
161
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,016
[French accent] I am shocked,
shocked to find
162
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,393
-that gambling is going on in here!
-Oh, for--
163
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:36,646
Ha-ha!
Not to mention adultery.
164
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:38,439
He seduced my wife. Arrest him.
165
00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:40,983
Monsieur, this is French territory.
166
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,111
Of course adultery is not illegal.
167
00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:44,987
What about consensual buggery?
168
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,614
-[gasps]
-[clears throat]
169
00:06:46,697 --> 00:06:48,199
Uh, asking for a buddy.
170
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,873
[Malory] All right, Reynaud,
cut the merde.
171
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,375
What do you want?
172
00:06:57,458 --> 00:07:00,002
Well, we can start with
my winnings from last night.
173
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,213
-Fair enough.
-[Whitney] I beg your--
174
00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:03,756
-Now, just a damn minute!
-Merci.
175
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,007
-What?
-[Manu clears throat]
176
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:08,136
-The tender is waiting.
-No! I demand that you arrest her!
177
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,638
-You demand it?
-I most certainly--
178
00:07:10,721 --> 00:07:12,682
Doudou? [speaking French]
179
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,017
[Whitney] What-- No, I-- Ow!
180
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:18,729
You people haven't heard
the last of Whitney Stratton IV!
181
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,482
Oh, I bet we have...
182
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:24,318
-Pastis?
-Mmm, un petit.
183
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,195
And then you can explain to me
184
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,781
why I hear gunshots
coming from your hotel.
185
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:29,907
Sterling?
186
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:32,577
-Yeah, sorry. There was a rat snake.
-Snake-rat.
187
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:33,828
-Pam!
-What?
188
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,872
Whatever the reason... Idiots.
189
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,915
I can assure you,
that was the last time
190
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:39,584
-you're ever going to hear--
-[gunshot]
191
00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:41,294
-[all gasp]
-[thud]
192
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,045
[sighs loudly]
193
00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:45,173
[gulping]
194
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,762
[sniffs] Alors.
195
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:54,599
What is wrong with you?
196
00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:57,018
-Me?
-[squawks] She's crazy.
197
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,603
-[gasps]
-I'm just trying to calm her down,
198
00:07:58,686 --> 00:08:00,897
you know, doing my thing,
and then out of nowhere,
199
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,816
the crazy broad grabs the gun
and tries to shoot me.
200
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,234
Me, Crackers!
201
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,278
[shouts] Because why are you talking?
202
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:09,989
How can a bird be talking?
203
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:13,075
He is parrot.
204
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,497
Actually, technically, I'm a macaw,
which is actually a type of parrot,
205
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,624
so I'm technically a parrot, actually.
206
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:21,000
But I mean, technically,
207
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:22,627
-I'm, you know...
-Rambling?
208
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:24,086
I almost died, woman.
209
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,422
I know. Here, get some of this down ya.
210
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:27,965
I mean...
211
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:30,635
[panting] But... But how?
212
00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:32,094
How can he do that?
213
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,471
He's a parrot!
214
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:34,972
-[Crackers] Well--
-Shut up, bird.
215
00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,058
He talks.
That's just how it is.
216
00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:38,768
Don't make a big thing out of it.
217
00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:40,603
[yells] Don't make a big thing out of it?
218
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:41,687
See! She just flips!
219
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,856
You destroyed my marriage.
220
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,483
Hey, it takes two to tango.
221
00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:47,902
And obviously, you guys
already had some problems, so...
222
00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:49,820
You want to talk problems?
223
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:52,949
[gulps and exhales]
224
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:54,116
[speaking French]
225
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,660
My marriage is ruined.
226
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:59,121
When my family finds out why,
they will disown me.
227
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:01,666
As will all of New York society.
228
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:04,168
I have no money, no job, no skills,
229
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:07,213
and no prospects,
and it's all your fault!
230
00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:09,298
And so right now,
the only thing I want
231
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,342
in this world,
besides for you to die
232
00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:14,554
of some heretofore unknown form
of eye-hole cancer,
233
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:17,014
is to get off
this godforsaken island!
234
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:19,559
[airplane engine whirring]
235
00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:31,153
[Charlotte] And...when does
it come back?
236
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:32,655
[clears throat] Two weeks?
237
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:36,075
-[inhales sharply] And Whitney's on it?
-Mmm-hmm.
238
00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:38,202
[sobbing]
239
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,705
Oh, come on now, it's not that bad.
240
00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:43,082
He has my passport.
241
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,294
What do you mean?
242
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,546
I mean just that,
it is impossible.
243
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:51,007
To get a passport,
you have to go to the consulate
244
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,633
in Papeete, on Tahiti.
245
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,844
-Well, how far is that?
-As the crow flies?
246
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,304
Ugh, crows.
247
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:58,681
On the supply ship,
it takes about a week.
248
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:00,933
-A week?
-It makes other stops.
249
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,602
[French accent]
And it will be here in...
250
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,146
...one month.
251
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,607
[wailing]
252
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:16,574
Of course it's only three hours by plane.
253
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,869
Well, news flash, lady,
the plane just left!
254
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,705
Yeah, so air travel's not really
an option here, Mother.
255
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,166
[gasps] Well, now, wait a minute.
256
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:27,043
-Mother...
-Sterling, dear,
257
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:29,837
-couldn't you just take her in your plane?
-[groans]
258
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,839
-Your what?
-Hey, yeah.
259
00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:34,175
No, actually, Mother, I can't.
260
00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:35,760
Well, why ever not?
261
00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:39,055
Because! Uh, uh, because...
262
00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:40,556
[Lanaluakalani] Presumably...
263
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:43,893
Because you can't tell time.
264
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:47,647
Her royal highness,
Princess Lanaluakalani.
265
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,523
[speaking other language]
266
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:50,941
[speaking French]
267
00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:52,943
Ah, Capitaine Reynaud.
268
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:55,529
[speaking French]
269
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:59,533
[speaking French]
270
00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:01,952
[speaking French]
271
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:04,622
Now, can someone please
explain to me
272
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:07,541
why Mr. Fuchs and I
aren't sipping champagne
273
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,418
in the plane I chartered?
274
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,879
-Uh, well...
-For one thing, we don't do that.
275
00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:14,590
-And secondly, Fuchs?
-Yeah?
276
00:11:14,673 --> 00:11:16,717
Well, we could, and we're happy to,
Your Highness.
277
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:21,222
Or even-- [stammers] I bet we could even
mix you up some Bellinis.
278
00:11:21,305 --> 00:11:22,932
-We have fresh peaches?
-No.
279
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,892
Then shut up!
The point is, Your Highness,
280
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,435
my plane is your plane.
281
00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:27,895
Well, then...
282
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:31,440
What? I don't care who you are, lady,
I've got dibs on that plane.
283
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:34,026
[clears throat] Reynaud?
284
00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:36,779
[Reynaud] I'm very sorry, madame,
285
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:39,448
but we have strict law
against vagrancy,
286
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,450
and you have no money.
287
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:42,868
[groans]
288
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:45,704
Alors, for your dinner,
one turnip.
289
00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:47,832
[Lanaluakalani]
You must be kidding.
290
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:53,003
Are you sure this thing can fly?
291
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:55,339
Oh, don't worry
about ol' Lucy Goosey.
292
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,967
She may not look like much,
but that's...
293
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:00,803
Mainly cosmetic.
294
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,388
-Well, except for the fue--
-Flaps!
295
00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:04,390
-I just--
-Flaps, goddamn it, flaps!
296
00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:06,434
Okay, Your Highness,
as you requested,
297
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,853
we'll be making a big loop
around the island,
298
00:12:08,936 --> 00:12:10,688
so just sit back and relax.
299
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,650
That is physically impossible.
300
00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:17,361
[German accent]
Yeah, this is not a good airplane.
301
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:19,697
I hope it at least has parachutes.
302
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,699
There's actually only three, so...
303
00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:23,033
-[gasps]
-[speaking German]
304
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:25,661
Oh, yes, I talk. Get over it.
305
00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:34,211
[jazz music playing]
306
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:44,054
No, Your Highness, I just meant
it's kinda weird though, right?
307
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:46,432
I think he's just reacting to the music.
308
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,726
Thanks, you just defined dancing.
309
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,186
Shut up, bird!
310
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,354
No, I mean, it's not a big island,
311
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:55,691
so the fact we've never run into
each other, kinda weird, right?
312
00:12:55,774 --> 00:12:59,195
No. And should you be drinking?
313
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:00,863
[gulping]
314
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:02,114
-Yes.
-I--
315
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:05,326
So what's your story, Fuchs?
What brings you out here to Mitimotu?
316
00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:08,120
-Uh, uh, well, uh...
-Breadfruit.
317
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:10,623
Oh, yeah. I will make a plantation.
318
00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:13,792
-A plantation? Where?
-Down there. On the island.
319
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,794
Creating many jobs for our people.
320
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:19,089
As what, artisanal coffin builders?
321
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:20,466
-Was?
-Nothing.
322
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:22,801
Nothing but danger.
That jungle's stuffed
323
00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:27,097
to the tits with quicksand,
ferocious baboons, poisonous snakes...
324
00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:28,766
Poisonous frogs.
325
00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:30,392
The frogs are poisonous?
326
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,228
-Mildly.
-Insanely.
327
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:35,189
I mean, you get hit by a dart
slathered with frog poison...
328
00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:37,024
-Will you--
-A dart? From where?
329
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:38,526
-The cannibals.
-Please!
330
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:40,027
-What cannibals?
-The--
331
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,112
The Mua Mua!
Man, they are--
332
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:45,658
Simply a small native tribe
that has had very limited experience
333
00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,785
with people from the outside world.
334
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:51,914
-Except as food.
-If you--
335
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:54,583
-Although compared to the dragons...
-What dragons?
336
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:56,377
They're just extremely big lizards.
337
00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,379
You told me none of these dangers!
338
00:13:58,462 --> 00:14:03,425
Because the dangers aren't that dangerous.
And if Mr...
339
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,135
-[Pam] Archer!
-Thank you. If Mr.--
340
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,388
[Pam] No, Archer, come here!
Like, now!
341
00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:09,974
-What's happening?
-Is there a problem?
342
00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:11,183
[chuckles] No.
343
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:14,895
What is your problem?
344
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,272
It's not my problem, it's Lucy's!
345
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:17,898
Her fuel pressure's dropping.
346
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:19,650
Son of a--
347
00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:21,026
Why do you always do this?
348
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:22,862
I mean, I finally meet
someone I might like,
349
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,155
we're having fun,
getting to know each other,
350
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:28,075
I'm being super charming,
but no,
351
00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:29,952
I'm not allowed to be happy
352
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,912
because you're a big, jealous baby!
353
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,748
Oh. You're talking to me?
354
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,917
-Who else is there?
-The fuel pump.
355
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,128
Oh, right.
Okay, I've got a plan.
356
00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:44,049
[Pam] I'm all ears.
357
00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:45,801
-What is wrong?
-[speaking German]
358
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,553
[Archer] Nothing, all good.
Have some bubbles.
359
00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:48,971
Feather props!
360
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,222
Feather one! Feather two!
361
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:51,724
[Fuchs]
Nein! Let me go!
362
00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:53,142
Okay, now let me see if we--
363
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,519
-[cries] We are going to die up here!
-No, we're not!
364
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,605
Yeah, it's the ground that kills ya.
365
00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,231
-Thanks.
-Eh.
366
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,483
But how can we fly with no engines?
367
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:02,818
The same way a bird does...
368
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:05,529
-Flapping around with hollow bones?
-[Archer] Shut up, bird!
369
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:08,115
We're gonna glide
right into a smooth landing.
370
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,659
Where? The island has no runway!
371
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,786
The ocean is the runway.
372
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,246
But-- [yelps]
373
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,457
[Archer] Wh-- No, no, no, no, no, no!
374
00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:18,000
[Pam] Well, it was.
375
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,710
Goddamn it, Fuchs!
376
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:23,255
[speaks German] Why would someone put
the landing gear control there?
377
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,174
Because they didn't know
you're an asshole?
378
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:26,926
-Get 'em up!
-Love to...
379
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:29,053
-But...
-Goddamn it!
380
00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:31,555
-What?
-We can't land on the water
381
00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,682
if the frickin' wheels are down!
382
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,851
And if there is no runway...
383
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,686
What are you doing?
384
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,563
-[Fuchs] Parachutes!
-[Crackers squawks]
385
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:42,024
[Fuchs speaking German]
Where are the parachutes?
386
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:44,234
-Oh, for the-- You pussy!
-No, he's right!
387
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:46,111
-What?
-[Fuchs] Ah-ha!
388
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,530
-You all gotta bail out!
-[speaking other language]
389
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,700
Go on! I'll get us over land,
you get the princess in a chute,
390
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,535
get her down safe,
and get her home safe!
391
00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:54,912
What about you?
392
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:58,582
I'll try to bring Lucy down
easy in the water. Go on, I'll be fine!
393
00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:01,877
-No you won't!
-Just go, you big dumb ox!
394
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,172
Wow.
395
00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:07,967
Okay, let's go,
Your Fanciness.
396
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:11,178
[praying in German]
397
00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:12,888
Better pray I don't kick your ass.
398
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,932
-What do we do? What do we do?
-Well, the first thing
399
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,934
you want to do,
is take some deep breaths.
400
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:18,644
While you help her put that on!
401
00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:21,981
You help her!
I'm getting-- Ow!
402
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:23,941
Your fists are like...
403
00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:25,818
Dosenschinken!
404
00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:27,277
[chuckles]
Yeah, I get that a lot.
405
00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:29,113
Hey! We don't have all day here!
406
00:16:29,196 --> 00:16:30,739
Once we get below 1,000 feet,
407
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,158
those chutes are
basically just laundry!
408
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:35,244
[Pam] Hang on, we're almost ready!
409
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:38,372
-Will you hurry up?
-Will you shut up?
410
00:16:38,455 --> 00:16:40,249
-There! Happy?
-Not really!
411
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:42,626
Okay, you two! Jesus!
412
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,336
You can bitch on the way down.
413
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:45,963
What is all that for?
414
00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:47,339
-Protection.
-[cocks gun]
415
00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:48,882
We weren't kidding about that jungle.
416
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:50,634
[Archer] Come on, Pam,
it's now or never!
417
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:53,095
Let's go, people!
Move! Move! Move!
418
00:16:57,599 --> 00:17:01,061
[Fuchs and Lanaluakalani screaming]
419
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,980
[grunts]
420
00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:03,981
[grunts]
421
00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:06,108
[Pam] Ow, my twat!
422
00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:08,235
[sighs] Good luck.
423
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:11,405
Except for you, Fuchs.
I hope you wind up as an entrée.
424
00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:14,616
Hey, Crackers?
Crackers, come here, buddy!
425
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:17,953
-Okay, so listen...
-Yeah, not great, huh?
426
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,706
No, no, not great.
I'm gonna do the best I can,
427
00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:23,667
but we're gonna hit the water pretty hard,
probably even flip over.
428
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:24,585
Mmm-hmm.
429
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:27,004
But there's a bunch of life
jackets in the storage locker,
430
00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:30,174
so I want you to get in there
and hunker down, okay, buddy?
431
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:32,509
Hopefully that'll cushion the impact.
432
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,764
Oh. You're talking to me.
433
00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:38,515
Wh--
Who else would I be--
434
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:40,225
-Oh.
-Yeah.
435
00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:42,144
-You can fly.
-Yeah.
436
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:44,188
So you're outta here.
437
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,273
-Is that weird?
-I mean...
438
00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:48,776
Well, yeah, obviously
it's weird if you make it weird.
439
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:50,069
Okay, you know what?!
440
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:53,280
-[grunting]
-[Crackers squawking]
441
00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:55,949
[Crackers] Asshole!
442
00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:59,495
Yeah, I'm the asshole.
443
00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:02,331
[straining]
Okay, Lucy! Here we go!
444
00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:05,542
[grunting]
445
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:13,801
[Announcer] Next time
on Archer: Danger Island...
446
00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:16,929
[grunting]
447
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,599
Fuel pump piece of shit!
448
00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:26,105
Oh.
449
00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:29,108
[Archer laughs]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
450
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,110
[Archer] Now who's the asshole?
451
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:33,070
Stupid bird.
452
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,240
[theme music playing]
453
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:05,853
[man] Made in Georgia.
30603
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