Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,239
Well, it's official,
2
00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:07,908
the golden age of television
has begun.
3
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:10,244
"Step Brothers" is
on every channel.
4
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:13,747
Help! Roger's trying to give me
the bubonic plague!
5
00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:18,586
There.
You're breaking two rules...
6
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,388
No weaponized plagues in the house
7
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,022
and no running on the stairs.
8
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:24,658
But if Steve isn't dying,
the Make-A-Wish Foundation
9
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,327
won't let us meet The Weeknd.
10
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,829
What? You want to meet
Saturday and Sunday?
11
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,831
No! The Weeknd is a singer!
12
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,066
It's true, Stan.
13
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:34,735
Listen to his hit song, "Starboy"!
14
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,772
I'm tryna put you
in the worst mood,
15
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,374
Look at us.
16
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:44,212
Dancing, grooving, feeling it.
17
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,746
Also, The Weeknd's hot.
18
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:48,015
He's number one
on my freebie list.
19
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,718
Those are the celebrities
she's allowed to bone.
20
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:54,622
It's a long list, so number
one is sayin' something.
21
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:57,758
He better drop six octaves
if he wants to be on my radar.
22
00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,260
And this, Roger.
23
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,695
This is one of
the good syringes for company.
24
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:04,398
You know the rules!
You have a rule for everything!
25
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,900
Because you need them.
You can't control yourself.
26
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,570
I'll have you know,
I had a salad for lunch.
27
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,239
Does that sound like someone
28
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:12,706
who can't control themselves?
29
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,242
Hey, Roger, it's me,
30
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,576
Bobby from Grubhub!
31
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,378
I got two full trays of meatballs
32
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,747
and a meatball sub,
extra meatballs.
33
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:22,650
The note says, "Put a rush
on it, I can't control myself."
34
00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:24,318
Jesus Christ, Bobby.
35
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:28,422
This part's great.
36
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:36,096
Good morning, U.S.A.
37
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:39,933
I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day
38
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:43,070
The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face
39
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:47,475
And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race
40
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:52,746
Boy, it's swell to say
41
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:55,183
Good... Good morning, U.S.A.
42
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,921
Good morning, U.S.A.
43
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:06,093
As you probably don't know,
44
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,629
I've been reading Alec Baldwin's
book on parenting.
45
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:09,830
Go, Dad!
46
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,999
In it, Baldwin explains
47
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:14,302
a term called "teachable moments."
48
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:17,838
And that's why you kidnapped
this guy?
49
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,940
Ya nailed it, babe.
50
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,376
The Weeknd!
51
00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:23,811
Where am I?
52
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,879
You're in a teachable
moment, my man.
53
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,047
Okay. Dope.
54
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,048
You're really here!
55
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,850
At our dinner table!
56
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:32,553
You could sneeze, and your
boogers would land on my food!
57
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,455
- Bro.
- Mister The Weeknd,
58
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,990
My God, I am literally
your biggest fan.
59
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:39,193
Parties, drugs, supermodels.
60
00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:42,363
You've inspired me
to hate my boring life.
61
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:44,532
You've turned me
against my family.
62
00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:45,966
Thank you.
63
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,669
And how did
this miracle happen, Roger?
64
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:51,705
Not by breaking the rules,
but by following the rules...
65
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:55,008
With government-sanctioned
abductions and C.I.A. clearance.
66
00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:57,645
I-I thought
you were gonna murder me.
67
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,981
Silly Weeknd!
68
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,551
Dang, this family vibe
is refreshing as hell.
69
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,185
More like boring as hell.
70
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,687
More like hell nah.
71
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,155
Honestly, I miss being around
72
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,690
boring people like this family.
73
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,329
This lasagna's delicious.
No, it's not!
74
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:16,864
Roger. Attitude.
75
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:18,499
When my lame-ass chefs
make lasagna,
76
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,933
it's all the same temperature.
77
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:22,503
I never get to crack a tooth
on a frozen noodle
78
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,572
while burning my tongue
on beef sauce.
79
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,840
Weeknd!
80
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,041
My secret?
81
00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,177
I microwave it for 30 seconds,
82
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:33,614
then turn it, and microwave
it for 15 minutes.
83
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:34,948
May I please have some more?
84
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:37,117
What's happening?
You're a Starboy.
85
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,919
Starboys don't eat lasagna.
86
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:42,556
Starboys get all their
nutrients from eating
87
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:44,057
Too far, Roger!
88
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:46,193
Go to your room, and don't
come down until I say so!
89
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,562
No!
90
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:51,765
Some of that lasagna
got on my pants.
91
00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:54,735
I better take them off
and stand in my underwear
92
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,704
in front of The Weeknd.
93
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,439
I'm gonna make you
come... pletely clean
94
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,874
in the pants region.
95
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,546
Because I really like lasagna!
96
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:06,947
You call this clean?
97
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:15,055
Roger, are you ready
to come down and apologize?
98
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,990
The Weeknd's telling us
what it's like to ride
99
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,126
the Matterhorn all by himself!
100
00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:22,262
Roger, I told you to stay
in the attic.
101
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:24,598
I don't have to!
For your information,
102
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:26,934
Tuttle stole antibiotics
from his mom,
103
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,436
and we're gonna
feed them to sharks.
104
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:31,004
No, you're not gonna
feed them to sharks.
105
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:36,276
Hey, you can't lock up my clothes!
106
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:38,011
Then I can't go out!
You're the idiot
107
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,947
who leaves all their clothes
in one place.
108
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,750
I got shirts and underwear
stashed all over this house.
109
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,619
You never know when somebody's
gonna try to ground you.
110
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,921
I hate you!
111
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:51,024
Fine, but you're gonna
hear me bowling all night!
112
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,828
300!
113
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:57,631
I just rolled a perfect game,
and nobody cares!
114
00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,633
This family sucks!
115
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,304
Mom, there's something
wrong with my water.
116
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,440
It's too clear. The Weeknd thought
117
00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:08,476
it would be "dope"
to fix the plumbing
118
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:12,045
so I don't have to get our water
from Tuttle's pond anymore.
119
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,614
Well, I'm glad The Weeknd
120
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,282
snaked someone's plumbing.
121
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,284
She's sad because
she blew her one shot
122
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,986
to sleep with The Weeknd.
123
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,788
I'm sad she's sad.
124
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,657
But I'm also not sad
she didn't sleep with him.
125
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:27,227
Those are my two emotions,
sad and not sad.
126
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,997
Will you please go tell Roger
he can come down?
127
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,533
He's been such a quiet, good boy.
128
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,072
Must be an apology video.
129
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,576
If you're watching this video,
130
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:45,012
I've already switched places
with The Weeknd.
131
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,414
Million on black, Leon.
132
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:49,316
And I'm enjoying
his rule-free lifestyle.
133
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,851
And a million on red, Leon.
134
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,653
See, Stan, I wanted to show you
135
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,888
that I'd thrive
without your stupid rules.
136
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:56,490
Double zero green!
137
00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:58,225
There's green?!
138
00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,994
Leon, don't tell me
there's rules to this game.
139
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,697
What's this? Free buffet?
140
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,866
All you can eat. No rules.
141
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,768
Just how I like it.
142
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:12,239
Morning, Stan.
143
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:13,741
I slept so well.
144
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:15,509
Incredible.
145
00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:17,445
Where did you find a bed
without girls in it?
146
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:25,853
You sure you don't want
to play pinochle, The Weeknd?
147
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,187
No, you go ahead.
148
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,956
I've been so busy
singing hit songs,
149
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:30,624
I never get to fold
laundry anymore.
150
00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:33,060
I'm getting good.
151
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:37,431
Hey, everyone.
152
00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:38,866
Hi, Weeknd.
153
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,067
Don't let me interrupt.
154
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,736
I just need to stretch.
155
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:47,575
Yeah...
156
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:54,448
Did you ever get boners
in your old life, The Weeknd?
157
00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:55,716
All too often.
158
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,885
This family is a great break
from boners.
159
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:01,755
Man, I miss my fans,
160
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:04,091
but I just know they're
in good hands with Roger.
161
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:08,796
I wanna tell you
how I don't miss Stan,
162
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,499
His chin bigger than a mini-van,
163
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:14,134
Life's much better
as The Weeknd, though
164
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,737
Partial strip view
at the Fla-min-go
165
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,272
Vodka in my thermos,
bong's full of grass
166
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:22,643
Never hit a donkey,
but I do pound ass
167
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:28,415
because I'm a motherfucking
Starboy!
168
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,285
Groupies, meet The Weeknd.
169
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:34,021
Very nice, Klaus.
170
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,422
Security!
171
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,970
Klaus, a weirdo snuck
backstage with you!
172
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,526
That's Vu.
173
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:42,195
He's a weird hang
but an excellent drug dealer.
174
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,831
Apologies, Vu.
175
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:46,634
Okay, my entourage
has taken shape.
176
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,268
We have Vu, groupies,
177
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,504
Klaus as my manager... Sick!
178
00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:52,873
But I'm lacking something.
179
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:56,376
Yes, my entourage is missing
an energy guy...
180
00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,712
Klaus, bring me Breckin Meyer.
181
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:01,181
You can't get Breckin.
182
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:02,950
Nobody can get Breckin.
183
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,685
He's the ultimate energy guy!
184
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,219
Just make it happen.
185
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:08,221
We're gonna take drugs and
see that show at Excalibur.
186
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:09,657
"Tournament of Kings"?!
187
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,191
That's the only show in Vegas
188
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:14,294
where they don't vacuum
the floors afterwards!
189
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,563
Hey, Vu, got anything on you
190
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,865
that'll make me feel like a king?
191
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,669
You're a good drug dealer, Vu.
192
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,712
Vu, you little minx!
193
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:32,913
I'm buzzing you in.
194
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,349
It's Francine, Roger.
195
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:37,517
Vuuuu!
196
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,052
Get up here, Vuuuu!
197
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:43,256
Are you trying to buzz me
into your apartment?
198
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,994
Vu, dude, you gotta pull
when I buzz!
199
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,029
Klaus got in touch
with Breckin Meyer!
200
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,064
He's flying in from Los Cabos!
201
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,733
It's about to get wild.
202
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,434
That new stuff you gave me?
203
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:56,770
You should call it
clown blood on the windshield
204
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:59,206
because that's all
I'm seein', baby!
205
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,207
Hang on, Bobo!
206
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,943
You're gonna make it!
207
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:10,383
Nooooo!
208
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:18,191
I am never doing drugs again.
209
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:20,360
Maybe Stan was on target.
210
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,862
Do you need rules, brah?
211
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,698
Wha-jah-jah... No!
212
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,133
You blew $40 million
213
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,401
playing a female Ghostbusters
slot machine.
214
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:31,104
So there can't be
female Ghostbusters?
215
00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:32,405
It's the 21st century.
216
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,241
Women can bust every ghost
a man can.
217
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:35,776
No, no, no, no.
218
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,878
I'm only worried about
you losing your money.
219
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:41,381
So you prefer I lose my money
on a male Ghostbusters machine?
220
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,450
I don't want you to lose
your money at all!
221
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:44,885
Why? Because I'm a man?!
222
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,787
If a woman lost her money,
you wouldn't be upset?
223
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:51,091
How... How would a woman
have money?
224
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,493
I got ya! I knew I'd get ya!
225
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,596
I am dying. This is rock bottom.
226
00:09:56,630 --> 00:10:00,100
Sharing a jail cell with the
one misogynist in the system.
227
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,902
I gotta call Stan for help.
228
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,070
I deeply respect women.
229
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,941
We interrupt this
broadcast of "Step Brothers"...
230
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:08,976
Noooo!
231
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,577
What the hell?!
232
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,412
To bring you "Step Brothers"
in its entirety.
233
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,613
Yeahhhh!
234
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,816
Hell yeah!
235
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,117
This better be good.
236
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,365
I'm in the middle
of "Step Brothers,"
237
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:19,452
and it's about to start.
238
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,088
Stan, it's me.
239
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,657
Your old pal, Roger...
240
00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:24,992
I'm in a bit of a bind.
241
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:27,260
Maybe got out of control a smidge.
242
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,996
To quote the Beatles, "Help.
243
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,463
I need Stan's body."
244
00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:32,532
Well, as En Vogue says,
245
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:36,269
"Never gonna get it,
never, ever gonna get it."
246
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,771
That was Roger begging for help.
247
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,306
Why did you hang up?!
248
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,341
He made this mess,
and he can get himself out.
249
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:44,177
If he's asking for help,
hasn't he learned his lesson?
250
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:48,115
Simple boy, right now
his lesson is like wet cement.
251
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:52,152
If we bail Roger out,
the cement will evaporate.
252
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,187
Yeah, that's not how cement works.
253
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:57,725
Sir, sir?
254
00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:00,127
Is your baby breathing?
255
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,661
Stan isn't coming.
256
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,163
We're gonna die in here.
257
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,198
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
258
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:07,400
I've never heard of you,
but the D.A.'s daughter's
259
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:10,537
a big fan and said
we have to let you out.
260
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:11,905
Sweet! Later, Klaus.
261
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:14,007
What about me?! Suck it, Klaus!
262
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,575
You're gonna die in here!
263
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,845
Of course I knew you were
getting out, too.
264
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:18,846
It's just jokes.
265
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,480
I love jokes myself.
266
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,750
Hey, I got a good one for ya.
267
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,386
'Sup, boners?!
268
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:33,393
This was crazy,
and I love it. Hit me later.
269
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,428
Pound, pound. Back to Cabo.
270
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:38,431
Swim in a T-shirt
because I get crazy sunburned.
271
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:39,867
Love your music, dude.
272
00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:50,210
I learned a valuable lesson
while I was in jail.
273
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:51,378
Well, that's good!
274
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,213
I learned I was right.
275
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,682
Rules suck, and it's better
to be The Weeknd.
276
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,618
Rules, restrictions,
277
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:00,120
shackles of the mind.
278
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:02,522
Today, I free myself from those.
279
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,057
And I free you, too!
280
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,425
Blast off with me, Klaus!
281
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,194
Tell me your wildest dream!
282
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,529
I'd like to have
a really nice dinner
283
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,198
with a woman who loves me.
284
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,266
Did you say "music festival"?
285
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,468
- No.
- Your wish is my command.
286
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,604
An island music festival by day,
287
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:19,873
and a no-rules utopia by night...
288
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:20,874
and also day.
289
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:22,075
Music at night, too.
290
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,711
Well... where will we do it,
Roger?
291
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:25,913
Right here.
292
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,414
I only see water.
293
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,416
Some things you see
with your eyes,
294
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:32,585
and some things you see with
the drugs that Vu gave you.
295
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,254
Let's ride!
296
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,389
Keychains with your name on it.
297
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,758
I'm gonna be "Doris" from now on.
298
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,560
$27?!
299
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,063
Uch, I'm just gonna
keep being The Weeknd.
300
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:50,237
Are you sure you'll be okay
if I sleep with The Weeknd?
301
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,139
If you sleep with The Weeknd?
302
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,942
When you sleep with The Weeknd.
303
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:57,144
And, no, I'm not sure. Hold still.
304
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,246
You really think The Weeknd
will sleep with me?
305
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,848
I've given you the tools.
306
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,249
You've gotta do the hammering.
307
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:04,985
Hold still.
308
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:09,156
Hey, I got your text.
Everything okay?
309
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,423
It is...
310
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,925
now.
311
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:15,295
You are so tight.
312
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,164
Are you wearing bug spray?
313
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:18,966
Shit.
314
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,834
How about a little massage?
315
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:23,103
Hayley, we can't do this.
316
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,371
Yes, we can!
317
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:27,207
Weeknd, you son of a bitch!
318
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,343
What's it gonna take for you
to nail my wife?!
319
00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:31,845
Look, I'm sorry,
320
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,646
but it has
nothing to do with Hayley.
321
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,682
I have a confession.
322
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,550
I've never told anyone
this before.
323
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:40,620
Had a lot of girls in my day
324
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,289
Wanted more from me
325
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,192
But there's only really one way
326
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:46,894
To start a family
327
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:51,031
And I know you can't
believe it's true
328
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:54,834
But I'm man enough to say to you
329
00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:58,071
I'm a virgin
330
00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,974
Never got close enough
331
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:04,511
Cellphone blowing up,
but I'm waiting
332
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:07,915
For the right person
333
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,816
Trying to act super-tough
334
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:13,653
But, inside, I'm a 12-year-old boy
335
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,191
I see you looking in a strong way
336
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:20,493
But I won't give it up
337
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,429
Supermodels, they were all fake
338
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,764
because I never humped
339
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:26,566
And I know you
340
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,701
I know you want to
341
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:32,239
But I'm man enough to say to you
342
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:36,609
Underneath the lies
and the big talk
343
00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:39,046
I've been waiting for a wife
344
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:41,714
I never watched porn,
never did drugs
345
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,516
because I'm terrified
346
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,285
And I know you
347
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,687
You can't believe it's true
348
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,391
But I'm man enough to say to you
349
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:54,894
I'm a virgin,
350
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:57,130
Never got close enough
351
00:14:57,164 --> 00:15:00,800
Cellphone blowing up,
but I'm waiting
352
00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:02,769
For the right person
353
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:06,706
You wanna hold hands,
then sign me up
354
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:10,410
But just know
you're not gonna score
355
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,480
I'm a virgin
356
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,815
Never got close enough
357
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:19,619
Pure as a dove, and I'm waiting
358
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:23,056
For the right person
359
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,325
Never once been touched
360
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:29,862
The power of God in my loins
361
00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:33,733
So, yeah, I'm a virgin. Why?
362
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,668
Containing my seed gives me
superpowers
363
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:37,404
other singers don't possess.
364
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,573
Right now I'm using
my virgin power to win Grammys.
365
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,309
But if my calculations
are correct,
366
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:44,611
soon my nut sack
will be a time machine.
367
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,180
I'm tryna fucked with dinosaurs
368
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,648
I feel dirty!
369
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:52,552
I put a virgin at the top
of my freebie list!
370
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,028
Oop!
371
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,495
You guys were smart.
372
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,964
You all went
with sandwiches from Panera.
373
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:07,200
There it is! Festival island!
374
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,771
I see a ridiculously
active volcano.
375
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,706
Yeah, she's gorgeous!
376
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,142
Vu, bring us down.
377
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,309
Keep us up, Vu!
378
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:17,544
It's all lava!
379
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,046
Quiet, Klaus. I'm in charge.
380
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:22,382
That giant wave is about
to cool us a runway.
381
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:34,061
Klaus just sent a
suh-weet pic of a volcano.
382
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,062
Cool. And a text.
383
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:36,396
Yuck.
384
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:39,366
Says, "Roger and I
are about to die."
385
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:42,335
Mute... conversation.
386
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,571
Stan, your rules backfired!
387
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,506
And now Roger's gonna die!
388
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,707
And Klaus.
389
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,042
We have to save them!
390
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,010
You're right.
391
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:53,580
Francine, what's
your wildest dream?
392
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,982
Going to the moon,
realizing it's really small,
393
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,650
then throwing it like a baseball.
394
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:58,818
Did you say...
395
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,420
"meet The Weeknd"?
396
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:08,728
We have three days
to build a music utopia.
397
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,897
Let's scout locations
for the main stage.
398
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,442
Oh, my God.
399
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:24,511
Where's the rest of the gang?
400
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:25,712
They're dead!
401
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,347
Like we're gonna be dead!
402
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:28,881
Like the 10,000 ticket holders
403
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,484
you suckered into coming here
are gonna be dead!
404
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:36,356
Going for a little dip?
405
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,958
Well, I, for one, am
getting down to business.
406
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:46,733
Hang in there, baby.
407
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,067
As soon as we rescue Roger,
408
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:50,069
this antidote will
fix you right up.
409
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,872
Do it now. Please, Stan.
410
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,807
Francine, I'm trying to do
the right thing here.
411
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,543
I could use your support.
412
00:17:56,576 --> 00:18:00,280
- Captain on the bridge!
- You must be little Francine.
413
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,415
We'll get you that selfie
with The Weeknd,
414
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:03,816
come hell or high water.
415
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:05,785
Sir, we have visual on The Weeknd!
416
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,422
I've really made a mess of things.
417
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,924
And everybody's given up on me.
418
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:13,059
Except you.
419
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,094
Thank you.
420
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,834
Just crop myself out...
421
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:22,835
Bingo.
422
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,273
"Wishin'" accomplished!
423
00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:29,108
If you infect anyone else,
we can come back for them.
424
00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:30,943
If that's their wish.
425
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:34,181
Our business is granting wishes,
not suggesting them.
426
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:40,119
Stan! You saved me!
427
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:43,690
It's one of my rules...
Keep my loved ones safe.
428
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:46,426
And that includes me!
429
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,528
Stan, I'm sorry.
430
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:51,130
I thought being a Smith
was boring... and it is...
431
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,799
But it's better than this.
432
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,000
Can I come home?
433
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,869
Right. Francine.
434
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:59,672
Sorry, Roger. I just need to
cure my wife's bubonic plague.
435
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,843
You butterfingers sonuva...
436
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:05,712
You're choking me, my love.
437
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,314
You killed me.
438
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:08,948
Hello!
439
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:13,152
Special delivery!
440
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:19,992
She's dying, The Weeknd.
441
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:21,828
This is a murder.
442
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,696
Don't worry. I'm a virgin.
443
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:26,499
- Really?
- Stan, I think I can help.
444
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,835
Right now, I have enough
virgin seed in my balls
445
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,703
to produce five hit albums...
446
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:31,904
or save one life.
447
00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:33,373
I don't understand.
448
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:36,042
I'm so very glad
you kidnapped me, old friend.
449
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:44,183
Virgin power!
450
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:51,724
What the is happening?
451
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:54,661
The Weeknd cured Francine,
452
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:59,399
but it drained
his virginal life energy.
453
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:01,234
No, I was talking
about your pants.
454
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,202
You tied them into a life raft.
455
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:04,604
That's sick, bro.
456
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,273
He's dying, Stan!
457
00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:07,940
Don't go, The Weeknd!
458
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:10,577
That's the thing that sucks
about weekends...
459
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:13,846
They've gotta end sometime.
460
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,716
His last words were a joke!
461
00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:17,884
Guy nailed it!
462
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,252
Keep it 100, y'all.
463
00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:20,587
He blew it.
464
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:37,637
Explain that. Okay.
465
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:42,875
As volcanic islands form,
they search for identity.
466
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:46,145
This island chose
The Weeknd's soul
467
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:48,648
as its metaphysical blueprint.
468
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,483
You're a solid dude, Vu.
469
00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:53,986
If you ever deal drugs
near Chimdale, look me up.
470
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,922
- I'd like that.
- We apologize.
471
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:57,424
Due to an error in scheduling,
472
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:59,392
you saw an episode
of "American Dad."
473
00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:02,161
We now return you
to "Step Brothers."
474
00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:03,963
Have a great night!
33406
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