All language subtitles for What We Do in the Shadows S06E04 The Railroad 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-FLUX[EZTVx.to]_Track03

But one might ask,

"What happens after we conquer
the tristate area?"

To which I say,
first thought, best thought.

We head west.

Quick question, how long
will this presentation take?

Well, okay, I did plan a lunch
midway through,

right out there in the foyer.

Ah, ring, ring.
Terribly sorry, Jerry.
I must take this.

Hello? Really?

You need me now, you say?

Do excuse me.
I'll be straight back,
I promise.

I can tell
you're not holding a telephone.

Immediately? Ah!

All right, person on the end
of this mobile.

It's not a phone.

He said, "Ring, ring."
Yes.

There's no cord.
- Wake up.

We'll press forward.

Great presentation, Jerry.

Unfortunately, me and Nandor
have a 9:00 p.m. on the books.

- So...
...thank you so much.
- Yes.

Okay, uh...

Bye then.

Bye.

Thought you guys actually

were taking the vampire
domination seriously this time.

- We are.
- We are, Jerry.

Yeah?
Just not right now.

Great. So now I'm talking
to the ghost doll

and the energy vampire.

Hi. Colin Robinson.
Right.

Can you just take it
from the top?

♪ Don't sing
if you want to live long ♪

♪ They have no use
for your song ♪

♪ You're dead, you're dead
You're dead ♪

♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪

♪ Now your hope
and compassion is gone ♪

♪ You've sold out your dream
To the world ♪

♪ Stay dead, stay dead
Stay dead ♪

♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪

I am loving my job
at Cannon Capital Strategies.

Every day, I am greasing
the filthy wheels of commerce

and learning the dark arts
of corporate America,

all the while,
secretly helping Guillermo rise
through the ranks here.

I have had to go above
and beyond at times

to, you know...
Oh, my God, he's choking.

...help these dogs
really appreciate Guillermo.

- Look at that.
- Nice.

Oh, my God.
Yes.

Guillermo saved his life.
Yes.

But I think
they are coming around.

Hey, Nadja. Jordan's making
a big announcement
in 15 minutes.

So don't go anywhere, okay?

Hey, Jimmy, there you are.

You see how he talks
like the little piss king
of everything now?

Oh.
No rest for the wicked.

♪ What a way to make a living!

Things are going
really well for me here.

To be considered
an important part of the team
is refreshment for my spirits.

It reminds me of the old
Al-Quolanudarian folktale

of the humble sheepherder
who was secretly a prince.

One day, the people here are
gonna be very surprised to learn

that the janitor who scoops out
their hangover vomit
from wastepaper bins

is in fact
a very powerful warrior.

There he is. What's up, Andy?

So someone took a shit
on the toilet seat again.

I will fix.

All right, listen up!

I got the big news.

It's official.

We have acquired
Hancock and Sons. Yeah!

This is a name
that is synonymous
with classic American style,

and it's got insane brand equity
out the ass.

- Yo! Yeah!
- No, it's just a stellar,

stellar acquisition.

I'm so proud of you guys.

And special kudos
to the motherfucking

- LBO team over here.
- Oh, no!

- Killing it. Let's party!
- You, you!

Yeah!

All right. Pop it up.
Yeah!

Yeah. All right.
Business!

- Money!
- Back to work, every--

Jordan.
Congratulations.
- You ready for those...

Thank you.

Jordan! To you, Jordan!
- Yeah!

We did this. Yeah!
So, basically,

we license
the Hancock and Sons name
to the highest bidder

who make the clothes
super cheap in Asia,

which is a great job
for a third-world kid.

And then all the factories
that we close down in the US

get converted
into, like, drug clinics.

Pretty clever
if you think about it.

Hey, Guillermo!
- Yes, master...

- Yes, Jordan?
- Hey. Oh...
I didn't know you were on film.

Cool kicks, dude.

Hey, did you get my spot
at Gage and Tollner?

Yeah, you got it.
7:30, window seat.

Okay,
I'm gonna actually need you
to make that 8:00.

- Okay.
- And I may not go at all.

- All right.
- So make a note.

- Okay.
- Hey, level up, bro.

- Level up.
- There it is.

- No, we don't explode.
We fist...
- No? Sorry. Yeah.

Yeah, we'll keep working on it.

Hot tip. This little ding-dong
is partner material.

- Trust me.
- What? No.
It's easy when you have

- a cool boss like Jordan.
- Shut the fuck up!

I've learned so much from him.

He's, um... Well, I hear
he's quite the dealmaker.

- Thank you very much.
- So I kind of see him now

more as a mentor.

He can also be very demanding.

What the fuck is this, huh?
What the fuck is that?

Pick it up. Get the hell out.

Goddamn it.

But, you know,
nothing I'm not used to.

Hey, Guillermo.
- Yep?

Yeah, one more thing.

You know that janitor
you're kind of friendly with?

The one that's getting
in everyone's face all the time?
Andy?

I don't know. Maybe Nandor?

- That's it.
- Yeah. I don't know him.

You know, every time the son
of a bitch comes in my office
to empty the trash...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...he starts up
a ten-minute conversation.

- I'll talk to him.
- No, no. Fire him.

Looks good to me.
We should, uh, try him out
on the road.

See how he does
at a quinceañera or something.

You'll do no such thing.

This creature was
created for shit work,
and shit work it will do.

Laszlo, Sean is here.

Fuck.
- Laszlo?

Hello, my darling.
Tell him I'll be right up.

He's already on his way down.

Shit. Cover him up.

Well, you're wrong, Laszlo.

This monster could do
so much more
than just shit work.

Well, I'll be the judge of that.

Night night, little buddy.
See you later.

Whoa.
Seanay!

Oh, what the fuck is this place?

Some sort of torture chamber?

No, no, no.
Welcome to the laundry room.

Smells like scrambled eggs
and piss.

Well, Nadja insists that we use
an organic detergent.

It's cool. Cool.
So you guys still work
at the railroad, right?

Of course we do.
Yeah, I work at the railroad.

Me too.

For a few years now,
we've had to tell Sean
that we work at the railroad.

Which explains
the rather odd hours we keep.

He usually
doesn't ask questions,

which is good
because we don't know dick
about the railroad.

So that's a...
It's a pretty cool job.

It's about the coolest.

The railroad is a great company.

Sean's not
what you would call curious.

♪ Seanay! ♪

Well, I just got shitcanned
from the TSA.

Charmaine's been on my ass
about asking

if, I don't know, you know,
maybe I could get an interview
with the railroad.

But fuck me, you know.

You want an interview,
you got it.

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

Oh, that's awesome.
Anything for a friend.

You're the best friend
I've ever had in my life.

I swear to you guys,

I am not gonna let you down.

Not even you, Dilbert.

I gotta tell Charmaine
right now.

- Shit.
- We don't actually work
at the railroad.

Yes, I do know that.

Just hypnotize the guy
so he forgets
about the interview.

I wish I could.
He's almost brain-dead.

He's hypnotized out.

He's a proper idiot.

Doesn't know his ass
from his elbow.
I mean, he really is stupid.

But he's my friend.
I can't let him down.

Hey, elevator box don't go-go.

You need to press
one of the buttons, Sean.

There we go.

Good gravy.

Yo, Big G.

- What is that, tea?
- Yeah.

Okay.

I need you to book the back room
at Modus for Friday night.

We're gonna go ham on some
steaks with the whole team.

- That includes you.
- Really?

Yeah.
You're special to me, ding-dong.

- Okay.
- Look at that smile.

You earned it, bro.

What the fuck?

Hey, the fuck
is he still doing here?

I told you to fire that hippie.

Oh, yeah. I've been so swamped.
I haven't got around to--

Yeah, yeah. We're all swamped.

If you're not ready to step up,
I need to know, like, right now.

I'm ready.

Hi.

Welcome to the Staten Island
and Southwestern Railroad.

We brainstormed
several ways
out of our Sean dilemma,

but in the end,
the simplest plan was the best,

which was to rent
an entire corporate office floor

and hire a bunch of actors
to pretend they're working
at a railroad office.

Christine,
we're gonna need more phones.

Derryberry, not West Brighton.
Derryberry.

Now, you two are gonna be
in an office romance.

You know,
I wanna really feel the tension.

Do I get extra for that?

Uh, no, you don't.
You're lucky to even be here.

Don't overthink it, guys.

Pretend you work
at the railroad.

Sometimes you look at a clock.
Sometimes you look at a map.

You're always angling
for some workmen's comp

so you can sit
on your big butts.

That's the dream
of a railroad worker.

Guillermo!
What is cracking, my friend?

You know, just crushing it,
climbing up that ladder.

- You know how it is.
- I do.

I am also making arrangements
in the friendship department.

So, here's the thing.

Jordan has asked me
to tell you--

Advice from the great Jordan.
Do tell.

Well, Jordan has asked me
to tell you--

Did I win employee of the month?

He wants me to tell you
that he thinks you should...

blend in more
with the background.

- The background? I--
- Kinda be more invisible.

Invisible?

Yes, of course.

You know, as a powerful warrior,

I'm not so used to tamping down
my natural air of cold command.

Such a personality can
cast a long shadow.

- That's it.
- Thank you for the advice,
Guillermo.

It'll be
as if I'm not even here.

Okay.

Give me another fact.

Our trains specialize
in moving units.

All right. Well, how many units?

- 2,000 units.
- That's big.

Oh, engines.
They run on electric or diesel?

Uh, electric diesel
and I'll throw in some steam.

- Sounds like low emissions.
- Strictly nocturnal.

I'm gonna love this company.

What a lovely surprise!

Seany, what is going on here?

Laz is prepping me
for my interview
with the railroad tomorrow.

- Could I borrow you,
my Velvet King?
- If you must.

Husband
and wife business, you know.

Don't worry about it.
Go over my resume.

You idiot.
There is no railroad.

Well, that's why we built one.

You built a railroad?

Well, not the whole thing,
just the office.

So you could give Sean a job?

Of course not. There is no job.

So we could give Sean
an interview,

build his confidence.

After this,
he'll be getting jobs
left, right and Chelsea.

I don't remember
working at Kinko's.

Laszlo,

Sean is very lucky
to have a friend

who is as big and
generous in his brains
as he is in his knickers.

Yes.

You, uh, think I should get,

like, a conductor's hat
or something?

Of course I will miss
the easy camaraderie
of an office environment.

But such is the curse
of powerful men.

- What's up, gangsta?
- What's up? What!

At least I am helping Guillermo.

- You all good, man?
- What's he doing?

You good?

All right. I gotta go.

- All right.
- I'll see ya.

Of course it hurt a little,

but I was reminded
of when I was a warlord.

I would always discourage
nonsexual fraternization
amongst the men.

Whoa, this is one hell
of a busy office.

And this is
just the night shift?

Well, here at the railroad,
we like to keep rolling.

I see what you did there.

Are you ready?
I'm ready
as I'll ever be.

Oh, hey, listen,
I'd like to say hi to Nandor
while I'm here, you know.

Yeah, I don't think
that'll be possible.
He's very busy at the moment.

There he is.
Now, we'll just move on in here.

- Oh, yeah.
- You're about to meet Mr. Smith.

Now, he's a tough nut to crack,
a man of few words.

- Just relax and be yourself.
- Yeah.

If I tell you
to leave that office,
then get out of the office.

What do you do?

- Get out of the office.
- You got it.

Oh, why it's Laszlo and Sean.
Yes.

Mr. Smith, this is the man
we were telling you about.

Sean Rinaldi, meet Greg Smith,
president of the SISR.

He had a little fender bender
over the weekend.

We're not gonna need that.

I wouldn't be so sure.

Greeting.

Hey, thank you
for the opportunity.

Damn,
that's an interesting grip, huh?

We decided
to kill two cats with one arrow,

meaning Sean gets his interview,

and the monster gets to show
that he's a smart, cool dude.

Who Sean?

That's a great question.

Who is Sean Rinaldi?

Well, I'm a hard worker,
a team player.

Why Sean railroad?

Boom. Another great question.

I will hold you responsible
if today turns into carnage.

- It won't.
- It might.

I think to me,

the Staten Island
and Southwestern Rail

isn't in the business
of transportation.

It's in the business of dreams.

Sorry, I gotta ask, man.
Hmm?

What's your fucking deal?
Where do you even come from?

Oh, uh, well,
I'm from Staten Island,
but I was raised in the Bronx.

No, motherfucker.

I mean, you were pushing
the mail cart two weeks ago,
and now you're an analyst?

Like,
what the fuck's up with that?

Well, a junior analyst,
but yeah, guess I'm pretty good
at my job.

Pretty fucking great at it,
more like it.

Yeah.

No, no.
But seriously, bro, Jordan,
he thinks you're the shit, man.

- Really?
- That's right.

Yeah, yeah. No lie.

And then I say,
"Not my problem."

Cheers to you, motherfuckers.

Cheers.

Let's do this!

♪ Can graduate ♪

Go again. Let's go again.

Come on,
you know you want it. Let's go!

Bring 'em round.
Bring 'em around.

Yes. Yeah.

- Wow, dude.
- Yeah.

It goes small, then it goes...

- ♪ Can I graduate? ♪
- ♪ Can I graduate? ♪

Hey, hey. Listen up. Listen up.

I got something to say.
I wanna get this off my chest.

Make it real quick,
then we'll go back
to the partying.

Looking at everybody
at this table,

some of you guys are not gonna
be here in a couple of months.

I get that.
Because of performance levels.

But for most of you,
I love this group so much.

I am so proud of this team.

- Pussy.
- I will knock you out, motherfucker.

Shut the fuck up.
Trying to get through this.

You know, this isn't something
I'm comfortable doing,
being nice.

But I wanna say it.
You guys work so damn hard.

And if you know anything
about me,

you know that everything
I do here is for my wife
and my kids, right?

And having said that, fuck 'em.

This is my fucking family,
right here!

Guillermo.
Get the fuck up here.

Get up here.
Guillermo de la fucking Cruz.

This kid shows up early,
stays late.

Works his ass off,
never complains.

And I love it.

And I love you.
Welcome to the family,
my brother.

Let's hear it for Guillermo!

I may look wistful,
but that is the look
all generals have

when they hear
the enlisted men carrying on.

Let them sing and boast.

It is better
that I keep my distance.

Guillermo, let's go!

Well, I don't wanna take up
any more of your time,
Mr. Smith,

except to say that I believe
in the power of rail.

And not just for the economics
of this great country,

but for the entire planet.

It's one of the reasons
that I think I make a great fit.

'Cause I'm young, I'm dumb.
I'm a fool--

Greg Smith stop you there.

Yeah.

Shit, I shouldn't have
made the joke.

Railroad more
than get freight A to B point.

- It more than business
for money profit.
- Yeah.

- It about connect people.
- Yeah.

It about bring folk together.

Yeah. I couldn't agree more.

Greg Smith like cut of Sean jib.

Welcome to railroad.

All right.

I am so proud right now.

I-I told you he could do more
than just grunt work.

Yeah, but you know he wasn't
actually supposed to hire Sean.

Yeah.

So, uh, how many days
do I get off?

Fair enough.
But he didn't kill anyone.

I cannot believe you hired him,

let alone made him
a vice president.

What? I think Sean will make
a fantastic vice president.

Me like cut of Sean jib.

Yeah.
I couldn't agree more, Monster.

He's super qualified,
and he's incredibly charismatic.

I mean, damn Sean
for being so good.

What's up, motherfuckers?

"Motherfuckers"? Shouldn't you
be shitting in your shed?

No. Me and Jordan
and the LBO team went out
for steak...

Ugh.
- ...because we closed

on the Hancock and Sons deal.

Oh, Hancock and Sons.
That's a quality shirt.

Not anymore.

We just bought it
for the brand and the land.

The rest of it
can go fuck itself.

Ooh.
- No, no. Not fuck itself.

Like Jordan said, this is
a net positive for the consumer
to get a cheaper product.

That is just a nice way
of saying

that you get rich off the bones
of the old workers.

You don't know
what you're talking about.
You know why?

Because you are not on the team.

Bitch, I am the team.

I built you up from a nobody
in the mail room.

I was told at my onboarding

that nobody is a nobody
at Cannon Capital Strategies.

It is not right that this
insolent little shed-dweller

should ever claim
to be better than me.

Whatever, Nadja, 'kay?

Yeah, maybe you did help me
get a few steps ahead.

But you know what?
You're not that great.

In fact, that whole office
is made up
of tiny little shed-dwellers.

Jordan loves me
because I crush it,

and you're all sitting around
with your dicks in your hands.

Why not? It's our house.

Those pencil dicks
will rue the day
they ever overlooked me.

Okay.
So let's wait for their counter,

but be prepared
to be very aggressive with them,

because I've seen this before.

- Okay?
- Yeah.

What else do we have
on the agenda?
I know there's some more--

Which of you sons of bitches
wants to live in a mansion?

Yeah, I think you're
in the wrong meeting
there, Elvira.

- Okay? This is the LBO team.
- Sorry.

I thought this was the team
with dicks so big
they wiped the floors.

But if you're too busy
sucking each other off,
I can go elsewhere.

Hang on. I'll bite.
Before I fire you.
What do you... What do you got?

Do you like trains?
'Cause I know your mom does.

And this is too big
even for her wide-set legs.

Staten Island
and Southwestern Railroad,
absolutely creaming with assets.

Open season.
Yeah,
this might be something.

Well, how's it feel?

Like I belong, right?

What do I do now?
Call a meeting?
Make a spreadsheet?

The world's your oyster.

You're higher up
on the org chart than we are.

- I am?
- Oh, yeah. You're a VP.

Laszlo's
a deputy senior director,

and I'm
a, uh, railroad consultant.

- Marone.
That's a lot of responsibility.
- Yeah.

We should do something official.
Let's go check out the trains.

That's a great idea.
Let's go
and check out the trains.

- There are no trains.
- I know that.

I just don't wanna
disappoint Sean.

Maybe we can tell him
the trains were stolen?

He's not gonna believe
a preposterous lie like that.

Wait a minute.
What's Nadja doing here?

Well, here we are.

You can see for yourself
how active and alive
and real it is.

Ah, my darling.
What a pleasant surprise.
Who are your guests?

Uh, us business banker types
are very interested in

the Staten Island
Southwestern Railway
with a view to purchase.

Am I right, my guys?

I'm so sorry. Is this a joke?

What are you even pointing at?
What?

There's nothing
even on this paper.

And on the other side it just
says train over and over again.
You see that?

This computer is fake.
It's made of plastic.

Is this a fucking prank
or something?
Is this a prank show?

- Are you fucking with us?
- 'Cause that would be funny.

No, no. No.
This is actually a tremendous,
good business deal.

Very ruthless stuff.

And we're gonna
be drunk on gold.

It's all right, my darling.
They've sussed it.

The office is bullshit.

It was done just for the benefit
of my friend, Sean.

- Well, that explains it.
- Sean.

Yeah, and who the fuck is Sean?

Sean is my best friend.
He means everything to me.

So you brought us
to Staten Island
for some straight bullshit?

Pretty much, yeah.
And it'd be great

if you fellas just played along.

- He's a nice guy.
- Yeah, I don't think so.

This is fucking mental.

- Jordan is gonna be so pissed.
- I don't care about Jordan!

My husband spent $3,000
on this place.

It was actually $3,500.

Hold up.

- This whole floor went
for 35 hundo?
- Only for the month.

Shit. That's way below
market value,
even in Staten Island.

- Got eyes on that market, guys.
- That's good.

- That's crazy.
- They're probably part
of a family trust

where they all hate each other
and wanna cash out.

This is a family in crisis.
Let's go.

Yes. Fuck yeah. Yes. Yes.

Even though there was
no railroad, the real estate
was very "undervalued."

Yeah.
Plus, that real estate girl
I've been fucking,

she told me Staten Island,
it's the new Bushwick.

Yes!

I may not know
what any of that means,
but it makes no difference.

I still made it happen.

Good work.
Let's go, Magda.

You might've
just saved your job. Yeah.

My darling wife Nadja
not only proved her mettle
with the financiers,

but she also solved
the Sean dilemma.

He got a job at the railroad.

- Come and take a walk with me.
- Yeah.

The railroad went under
as railroads often do.

- Are you fucking kidding me?
- Beyond my control.

I'm taking my train,
which my grandpa gave me.

This place doesn't deserve me.
I'm leaving.

So do me a favor. When you're
putting those decks together,

I just want you to double check

to make sure
all the valuation spreads
are...

What the fuck, dude?

I thought I told you to fire
that weird janitor.

- Yeah. No. I know, but--
- I don't wanna hear it, okay?

Just get it done.

I don't wanna fire Nandor.

But it's like Jordan said,
it's about being the right fit.

Fuck.

And maybe that's what we were.
Or weren't.

Nandor couldn't
make me a vampire,
and I can't make him a janitor.

Okay. [whispering] This is why
they pay you the money.

Nandor, hey. Busy?

Um, just doing
some light cleaning.

Please, take a seat.

Great.

It feels good
to take some weight
off the old tootsies.

- Yeah. A break is good.
- What is cracking?

- You know. Same old, same old.
- Mmm.

You know, I noticed
that Jordan is starting to show
a real special confidence

in you, Guillermo,
and he's wise to do so.

- Thank you.
- I mean it.

I think you will
do very well here.

- I think so too. Which is why--
- I'm proud of you.

Okay. You know, there's
no easy way of saying this,
so I'm just gonna say it.

Say what?

That we, as a company,
need to downsize.

Downsize. What is downsize?

- Sounds exciting.
- Nah.

It's when you have
to let people go.

It's not Jimmy, is it?

No, it's not Jimmy.

Whew.
Jimmy is my number one bro.

No, I'm telling you
because you're the one
that we have to let go.

You're firing me?

Yes, but if you think about it,

it's the best thing
that could ever happen to you.

I just want you to know
that it was not my decision.

It's fine. I'll just, um...

I'm so sorry.

Good luck, Guillermo.

Good luck, Nandor.

Excuse me.

You know what, I'm great.
It's been a positive experience.

Guillermo,
he's like a baby bird,

like a little falcon looking
for his first bit of prey.

He has to prove himself.

So, no, I am in no way,
shape or form humiliated
by the fact that I have

just been fired by my own...
by my former...

You know what? I...

Yes.

Excuse me.

Please.

I said please!

♪ I'm going to work ♪

♪ Until... ♪

I'll always treasure
my brief time at the railroad.

There you go.

I came away from it knowing
that I got value.

Fuck, fuck.

Sean Rinaldi is a hot commodity.

Wish me luck.

You know which way
to the Sean Rinaldi interview?

I mean, I'm still seeking
similar VP positions
in the transportation sector,

but till one of those
comes along,

I'm gonna keep my hand in
right here at TaskRabbit.

'Cause this guy
is gonna be okay.

♪ I'm going to work ♪

♪ Till the setting ♪

♪ Of the sun ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ The seeds of sorrow ♪

♪ There'll be no tomorrow ♪