All language subtitles for Ripping Yarns - S01xE05

The earth, our world.

And yet, a mere century ago we
knew only a small fraction of its surface.

But man, with his ever-increasing,
seemingly insatiable search for knowledge,

began to roll back the barriers.

A new breed of man,
intrepid and resourceful,

began to search
for the impossible.

Commander Robert Peary
reached the North Pole in 1909.

Roald Amundsen conquered Antarctica
to reach the South Pole two years later.

And in 1927...

Captain Walter Snetterton, least
known of all English explorers,

decided to go across
the Andes by frog.

Walter Snetterton was a
soldier and amateur zoologist

who dedicated his life to
the study of amphibians.

He was obsessed by
their potential for survival

in hostile environments
and at high altitudes.

After eight years of frog research
at the Royal Zoological Institute,

Snetterton felt ready
to test his theories

in one of the most inhospitable
mountain ranges on earth.

In March 1927,

he left for the town
of Quequeña in Peru.

...right. Left,
right. Left, right.

Left, right. Left, right.
Left, right. Left, right.

Left, right. Left, right.
Left, right. Left, right.

Come on, move along.

Get those...

Careful with the frogs!

Hardy outside to Ferguson,

and Ferguson - a long
ball across the field

to try and find the head of Irving
just inside the Arsenal penalty area.

But it's the burly form of Baker
who rises above the goal mouth

to head that one
firmly away to touch.

Still no score, but the pressure
is increasing now on Arsenal,

and this is Sloan with the throw-in
10 yards from the Arsenal goal line,

and it's Ferguson who picks
it up, Kennedy tries to tackle.

Ferguson rides it well,
puts it out to Keenor.

Finds Keenor, Keenor
turns it inside to Curtis.

Curtis to Ferguson, Ferguson's
on to it, and it's clipped in!

Ferguson has
scored for Cardiff City!

Or is it an own goal?

What a mistake by Lewis!

Whatever he did, the referee
has indicated that it's a goal,

and Cardiff go one up in this
tremendously exciting 1927 cup final.

The crowd...

Left, right. Left, right. Left,
right. Left, right. Left, right...

...certainly will compete in this
magnificent stadium, I'm sure.

Well, 19 minutes left,
and Arsenal kick off,

-determined to fight back...
-Left, right. Left, right. Expedition... halt!

Right. Get the frogs in
the shade, Sergeant Major,

and give them plenty of slime.

Company... right... turn!

Bearers... fall... out!

Put those boxes over there! Go
on! Go on! Put the boxes over there!

Come on, move along.
Put them in the shade.

Well, there doesn't seem to be
any official welcome of any kind.

No, sir. I noticed that, sir.

Remarkable absence
of an official welcome, sir!

-Oily rag, sir?
-What?

-Fag, sir.
-No, no, thank you.

Cor!

Isn't half peasy. Eh?

...to take the ball safely away
and up inside the Arsenal half again.

But the referee judges...

Hello.

Hello!

Hey, what you
doing? Is the cup final!

We are the expedition from
England. I am Captain Snetterton.

Please, only 15 minute.

Cardiff one-nil.
It's a great final!

Please, we have come here...

to cross the Andes.

I don't know.

Do you want me to clout him,
sir? Punch him right in the face?

No, no, Sergeant
Major. That won't work.

Hello! Hello!

...and it's Keenor
inside to Irving...

-Captain Snetterton?
-That's right.

My name's Gregory. I'm the...

-I'm the Vice Consul here.
-Ah.

Come and have a woman.

I won't, thank you. I have
to get the frogs housed.

I want to do a quick recce of the approach
slope of the Cordillera before nightfall.

Ah, yes, of course. But I only
got your telegram yesterday.

And that's why the
place isn't quite, uh...

There was going to be a band to meet
you, a political prisoner's band from Lima.

Excellent.

I'll tell you what you can do.

Get me a couple of guides.

-Girl Guides?
-Guides. For the mountains.

I want men who know
those mountains backwards.

Every ravine, every
track, every gully.

Yes, I'm afraid you
won't get anyone tonight.

What do you mean?

Well, it's cup final.
Especially if Cardiff win.

Listen, man, if we can
walk 104 miles in five days,

the least you can do is provide
me with a couple of guides.

I want them here by... six.

Well, not on cup final night, Captain.
It's their big celebration of the year.

Look...

Well, all right, all right.
But tomorrow at first light.

Oh! It's Wimbledon Fortnight.

Wimbledon Fortnight?

Yes, they won't give up... they
won't give up their Wimbledon.

Mr Gregory, those frogs have
been in training for months.

They're mentally and physically
at their peak. A delay could be fatal.

Well, I suppose I
might find someone.

Not all of them are interested
in the early rounds, but I, uh...

-I can't promise you the best.
-I don't care how you do it, Gregory.

I want a guide
who knows those...

routes...

and I want them soon.

Yes, of course, Captain.

-Score?
-Cardiff, one-nil.

Oh, Captain Snetterton?

Good morning, Mr Gregory.

I've, uh... I've managed
to find you a guide.

Oh, good man.

She knows the mountains
like the back of her hand.

Both her sons were
mountain guides. The best.

Well, why aren't they here?

-Both dead, I'm afraid. Fell down a ravine.
-But surely she's not the...

That's the best you'll find
in Wimbledon Fortnight.

-What is she saying?
-Er, she says, er...

-"Great win for Cardiff."
-Oh.

Thank you.

On May the 9th, 1927,
shortly after midday,

Snetterton and RSM Bing

made the first reconnaissance
with their new mountain guide.

I think these boulders are too smooth and
sharp for a front assault, Sergeant Major.

We need some sand or gravel-based
approach, so the frogs can grip.

Erm... Excuse me!

Er...

Excuse me!

-Could you tell her to stop, Sergeant Major?
-Don't know what "stop" is, sir.

Well, it's "stop" in, er...
in Spanish. Uh... Stoppo.

Erm... Arresto.

Oh, I know what "stop" is
in Norwegian, sir. It's Stanse.

Stanse!

She's not going to understand
Norwegian, Sergeant Major. They're Spanish!

No, no, no. That's
not Spanish, sir.

-They're Indian.
-Say something in Indian, for God's sake.

-She's gonna be in Brazil in 20 minutes.
-I think I know it in Indian, sir.

Well, go on, use it, man!

All right, now, what
was it? "Damasi", I think.

Damasi!

Damasi?

Oh!

¡Sí, sí, comprendo!

¡Sí!

Ah! That seems to
have done the trick.

Well done, Sergeant
Major. Right. Carry on.

We did not ask for schoolgirls.

She says that the fat one
specifically asked for schoolgirls.

We merely asked
you to go no further.

We wanted you to stop.

Do you understand? Damasi.

Oh, you did ask for schoolgirls.

If you'd only said so, old sport,
we could have fixed you up.

All I wanted was for this so-called guide
to stop rushing around all over the Andes.

There was no mention
of any schoolgirls.

-We merely asked her to stop...
-Damasi means schoolgirl.

...charging around like some...

-Sergeant Major?
-Sir?

I'd like to see you back
in my tent immediately.

Yes, sir.

Shall I, er, bring
the schoolgirls, sir?

Shut up.

The frogs are restless
tonight, Sergeant Major.

Yes, sir. It's
their nerves, sir.

They can hear the thunder.

They know the rain's coming.

It's like, uh...

Well, like the first night on the
stage, sir. They want to get going.

Like, what if you was
playing Hamlet, sir.

You want to get out there, get a
few belters, then you're all right.

That's what the frogs are feeling,
sir. They're in a right old two and eight.

Fascinating thing,
the frog mind.

Oh, yes, sir.

Do you know you could carry on a
conversation with a frog, Sergeant Major?

Oh, yes, sir. So they say, sir.

Oh, yes. I've often
chatted to them, you know.

They have a surprisingly
wide vocabulary.

You see, each croak contains
within it thousands of little resonances,

a whole complex variety of
variations and modulations...

which can express dozens
of concepts, thoughts, ideas.

Do you realise, Sergeant Major, that
which each inflation of the vocal sac...

Oik!

...the frog is expressing a whole
theory of amphibian social organisation.

"Oik! This is my territory."

"Oik! This particular piece
of vegetation is my own."

I like watching them mate, sir.

Yes, well, you would.

-They get in each other's mouths, sir.
-Of course they don't.

Well, they got no...

Got no organ, sir.

Imagine what life would be like if
you had nothing in your trousers, sir.

What on earth's
going on out there?

You'd better come quickly, Captain.
A spot of bother with the frogs.

Oh, my God!

-By Jove! They've got one of the boxes.
-Shall I let 'em have it, sir?

-No, fire above their heads, Sergeant Major.
-How about above their knees, sir?

Above their heads,
Sergeant Major.

We don't want to lose
their goodwill by killing them.

As you say, sir.

-I'd better just shoot a couple of 'em, sir.
-No, no, no. Let me talk to them.

-Remember, they don't speak English, sir.
-It doesn't matter, Sergeant Major.

It's the attitude they respect.

Now then, what's
going on here, eh?!

Put that down at once, you hear?

Right.

Who's in charge here, eh?

Come on!

Who organised this?

Come on. Ah!

Well... ...what's
the meaning of this?

Eh?

What's the matter?

Oh, don't worry about him. He wants
a three-chamber national assembly,

universal adult suffrage, land
reform, abolition of censorship.

All sorts of nonsense, I mean...

half the stuff they haven't even
got in Europe yet, let alone here.

Now, what's going on?

Please! Please! You're
alarming the frogs.

-Yes, there's trouble, I'm afraid.
-Why?

I'm afraid they say
that is because of you.

What? The thunder?

Well, it's not thunder, my
boy. I only wish it was. No.

Now, that's El
Misti, the volcano.

I'm afraid, he says the frogs are
bringing bad luck to the village.

Uh... They're making
El Misti restless.

Uh, he'll rain down
fire and ashes.

And molten lava.

-It's ruining the radio reception.
-But what have my frogs got to do with it?

Well, the frogs are imprisoned,
their souls are appealing to the gods.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm not gonna let a lot of superstitious
claptrap get in the way of an expedition.

Get away from these boxes!
Get away from these boxes!

Mr Gregory, tell these people to
get back to their homes immediately!

Mount a 24-hour guard on
the frog boxes, Sergeant Major.

Sir.

I'm holding you responsible
for the safety of those frogs.

Don't you worry, sir. If
anyone looks at them boxes,

I'll let them have it right
in the orchestra stalls.

Just guard the boxes, Sergeant
Major. You don't have to kill anybody.

Oh, you got to kill someone,
sir, if you're guarding.

No, no. You don't have to.

You only have to look as
though you would, if you had to.

Ah, but you've gotta be
prepared to, if you do have to.

-All right. Go on.
-Right.

Have I got your permission
to kill someone, sir?

No, no, no. I'm not going to give
you carte blanche to kill just anybody.

Oh, no, sir.

-Only if I have to.
-Yes.

-Right.
-Right.

So, if they so much as
glance at them boxes...

If... If they come
up to the boxes,

if they attempt to
release the frogs,

and if they ignore all your warnings
to the contrary, then and only then,

may you be forced to,
er... use your weapon.

And kill 'em, sir.

-All right. But don't go on about it.
-Oh, no, sir.

Don't you worry, sir.
Leave it up to me, sir.

I'll give them a
warning shot, sir.

Between the eyes.

I say, old boy,
want a bit of advice?

Get out while the going's good.

I'm afraid I'm not used to
the word "failure", Mr Gregory.

These people have been living
with that volcano for centuries.

You can't just walk in and tell
them it's a lot of superstitious phooey.

The expedition will go
ahead as planned, Mr Gregory.

And Quequeña will
remain our headquarters.

Well, don't say I
didn't warn you.

There's gonna be trouble.

Thank you, Mr Gregory.

Double the guard on the
frog boxes, Sergeant Major.

We can't afford to
take any chances.

Sir!

Johnson! Come over
here! At the double!

Captain Snetterton
spent a sleepless night.

By the morning, he'd decided to
forego another recce and set off at dawn.

Two frogs were to lead
off up the northwest face -

the European tree frog, striking out
west towards the Conococha Pass,

and the Italian agile
frog going for the summit.

The two edible frogs and
the European marsh frogs

were to remain at base camp,

with the Himalayan sleeping
frog to be held in reserve

for the 200-mile push
towards the Brazilian border.

If there was any time left, they would go
on to look for the source of the Amazon

and the so called
"silly" route to India.

But time was running out.

And he was aware that
he was confronted by forces

as strong and elemental
as nature herself.

I fell asleep then, Sar't Major.

Sar't Major?

Sar't Major?

Corporal Miller!

Who's that?

Is that you, Miller?

Oh, cor! I thought you
were one of the nig-nogs, sir.

I wish you wouldn't call them
nig-nogs, Sergeant Major.

They're rational human beings
with an indigenous culture

as worthy of respect as our own.

Yes, sir.

I've just been having a
bash with one of them too, sir.

Oh, a right bit of
stuff she was, sir.

Have you been
fraternizing with the natives?

-Well, a bit more than just fraternizing, sir.
-You're supposed to be guarding the boxes!

I couldn't get away, sir.

Every time I pulled me round the
houses up, she pulls them down again, sir.

Then, you see, she
had this idea, sir.

-In one corner of the room, there's a big...
-Look, I don't want to hear about it!

Yes, sir!

It's absolutely disgusting!

I put you in charge of guarding the frogs
at a very critical time, and you go off...

hobnobbing with a native girl.

This is a scientific
expedition, Sergeant Major,

and you must not, repeat,
not fraternize with the natives.

-Valid though their culture is.
-Sorry, sir.

We'll forget about it this time.
I've got more important things to do.

I've decided
we'll set out today.

I think it's the real
thing this time, sir.

What?

Love, I mean, sir.

What are you talking about?

I want to marry her, sir.

Marry her?

Marry her. I want
to marry her, sir.

Sergeant Major, I don't think you
realise the gravity of your situation.

You desert your post, then you
expect me to give you permission

for some squalid
liaison with a native girl.

You know perfectly well what
it says in the King's Regulations

about mixed
marriages in the forces.

Yes, sir. That's why I'm...

resigning, sir.

I felt I ought to come
and tell you, sir, that I'm...

Well, I'm not coming on
the expedition now, sir.

I'm going to stay
here with Barbara, sir.

We're gonna grow guano.

I don't believe it.

That's bird shit, sir. They use a
lot of it around here for fertiliser, sir.

I just don't know what to say.

Well, it's funny, sir, but I...

I suddenly see that their
way of life out here is a lot...

a lot richer and a lot more
individually satisfying than ours is, sir.

And they don't half go,
sir. They don't half go.

But after all the years of preparation
we've put into the expedition!

-On the very morning when we're about to...
-Oh, if you knew, er...

the little woman, sir,
you'd understand. She's...

Well, she's got no trace of
sardonicism about her, sir,

and she's intellectually
very sharp, too.

-She's considerate as well...
-Oh, shut up!

Oh, um...

Er, Barbara said
to tell you, sir, that...

I don't quite know
how to put this, sir,

but she's got a friend, sir,
who's taken a bit of shine to you.

Ooh! She's a
little darling, sir.

If you wanted to come with us
into the guano business, sir...

Go away, you dirty man!

Yes, sir.

All right, sir.

Corporal Miller?

Could I see you at once,
please? I want you to...

Oh, dear! I'm sorry.

Miller, when you've finished,

could I see you, please?

Miller as well? I can't...

The frogs!

Miller! The frogs! Who's
guarding the frogs, man? Oh!

Huh! Johnson! What...

What are you doing down
there? What about the frogs, man?

I'll have you
court-marshalled! Whipped!

Oh!

Come on!

Come on, man! Come on!

He was too late.

The frogs had gone. Let loose.

Only the Himalayan sleeping
frog, which, going about

its normal occupation
of sleeping...

...had not taken advantage of
the chance of freedom, remained.

Keep scouring the ground. That's
right. Keep looking. Come on.

Keep looking.
Frogs. I want frogs.

Look under there, over
there. You! You, over there!

Go on, that's it!

Go on, all of you. We're
gonna find these frogs.

Sorry to hear you had a
bit of trouble in the night.

Oh, nothing to worry about.

Only six years of research gone.

I heard a couple of your chaps have decided
to stay and go into the guano business.

A bit of trouble with
Sergeant Major Bing, that's all.

Mentally unstable, you
know. Couldn't take the pace.

Young Miller came to see me
this morning with his new wife.

Wife?

Miller? He's in the
bloody army! Where is he?

They've gone into Quique to the
building society. I gave them the address.

What?

He'll be court-marshalled.

I'll tear his bowels
out with my own hands.

I told you, old boy, you
can't fight these people.

You might as well go or stay.

You don't seem to realise, Mr
Gregory. I'm going to see this one out.

I shall stay here until
this frog expedition

has achieved everything
it set out to achieve.

And that is final.

Understand?

Turn that off.

Turn that off!

Turn it off!

You shouldn't have
done that, old boy.

Go on, fire!

Not above their heads!

Clutching only the
Himalayan sleeping frog,

Snetterton took
to the mountains.

After three weeks of
wandering through the Cordillera,

Snetterton's failure
seemed complete.

On June the 4th, 1927,

three and a half months
after leaving England,

he ate the Himalaya
sleeping frog.

In a final note, found in a
final note box, Snetterton wrote,

Nothing more was heard or
seen of Captain Walter Snetterton,

the man who set out,
with such high hopes,

to conquer the most
unforgiving mountains of all.

But the six frogs who were
released hopped into Mexico City,

6,300 miles north.

Captain Snetterton's belief in
high-altitude amphibian exploration

had been justified after all.

Once again...

science had proved that there
are no limits to man's achievements.

Without such men of courage and
determination as Captain Walter Snetterton,

the world would never
have had self-opening doors,

the non-stick saucepan,

nor any of the other wonders
of modern technology,

which have made our world a
finer, healthier, happier place.