Original subtitles

BUSINESSMEN VS ALIENS

EPISODE 9

No, tomorrow is Saturday. You and I have to take the shift.

I keep telling you. My kid has a field trip.

Do parents attend field trips?

My youngest kid is in kindergarten.

Why don't you just have your wife go?

True. But it seems that yesterday she had a fight with one of the mothers.

Things got awkward between them so she ordered me to go instead.

What a selfish wife.

She won't even pack lunch for me. So I have to wake up early tomorrow,

pack lunch for my kids and join them for this field trip.

Mothers should prepare lunches.

Not happening.

She already declared that she won't leave the kotatsu for three days.

She's catching a cold.

It happens sometimes. She doesn't leave the kotatsu.

She just gives orders to the family from the kotatsu.

For the few days this takes place, we call her

Commander Kotatsu.

Okay, I get it. Then...

It's Friday night now so just take a night shift

and work until tomorrow morning.

That helps.

I have an 'Xile concert tomorrow, so no.

What? Does Exile have a live concert every week?

It's a public performance at the Exile theater.

Exile theater?

I'll take over for you in the morning, then.

Are you two okay to take tomorrow's shift?

Actually, I...

Mishima has a test.

Sorry, the test is soon.

But...

-Oh, yes. -That was sudden.

I was playing Call of Duty online a while ago.

I met a girl that looks exactly like Kaorin.

What?

What's that?

Call of Duty. It's basically a war killing game.

Kaorin wouldn't play that.

That's right.

I thought so too.

But that girl was a pro. She was super strong.

Well, now, that is definitely not Kaorin.

Yeah, you're right.

Okay, in that case, there was an interruption,

but I guess we will leave tomorrow to Kaorin.

Okay.

Okay, dismissed.

Good work. See you later.

Take care.

Time to sleep.

That was fast.

I have to prepare lunches and climb Mount Takao tomorrow.

I need sleep.

Hey...

Excuse me.

What?

That was me.

I'm the Russian Red Rose in Call of Duty.

It was me.

-I knew it! -Why did you reveal it now?

When I was looking at your sleeping face I thought it must be tough.

Everybody is struggling.

How is this related to you coming out?

Actually, I...

I never sold matches or polished shoes.

Yeah, we kinda knew that.

Really?

Well, yeah. There aren't many people selling matches nowadays.

Or polishing shoes.

You knew.

Well, yeah.

Why didn't you say anything?

That's because, you know,

maybe you were embarrassed of your work or something like that.

We thought you were a hostess or maybe a sex worker.

No.

We thought so because you hated night shifts.

No. I hated night shifts because I wanted to play Call of Duty.

So you avoided night shifts because of games?

-So when you said you had errands... -They were games.

Amazing. You said it without hesitation.

It would make more sense to me if you were a hostess.

I may be a regular college student during the day.

But I'm a deadly soldier during the night.

They call me the Russian Red Rose.

So you're just a fanatic gamer.

So you didn't want to work tomorrow because...

I can be the Russian Red Rose the whole day during weekends.

But after seeing you sleep I felt sorry for you,

and I then found out that Luchini is also a gamer.

I thought we could play the game together here.

So you came out to play the game here. You look so excited too.

Awesome. This place has the best Internet speed.

Luchini, let's fight together here.

Of course, Russian Red Rose.

We already have an enemy, though.

Whoa, you guys are suddenly in sync.

Russian Red Rose, excellent move.

Right?

Luchini, let's get some kills here.

Yes, sir.

I'm kicking their asses.

Who do you think you are?

You little punk.

Let's kill more.

Let's harvest 'em. Look at the damn harvest.

Look at all that.

It's already time to make lunch. I should leave.

A SPACESHIP FOUND!

A spaceship has been detected above the Earth.

We'll suck it in. Please persuade the alien.

Such bad timing!

We're kind of busy now, can you talk to them?

Please do so. We just need to survive this mission.

You're talking like the Russian Red Rose now.

Go now!

Why can't you transfer that motivation to actual work.

Use that energy for work.

I don't have much time so prepare to take over. Take over, okay?

You got that?

What are you doing to the Russian Red Rose?

-They're here. -Take that.

Take that, scum!

Whoa!

-What is this place? -Where is this place?

You guys are...

Are you a male Earthling?

What do you want by bringing us here?

Hey...

What?

Amazing.

You look extraordinary.

Whoa!

Answer us.

Sorry about that.

You just look so...

I was overwhelmed. Sorry about that.

Tell us, do you have food?

We never asked that.

That's right.

What is this place? Who are you?

Um... Well, you see This is the Earth base.

And we have visiting aliens stop by at the base first.

This is the facility where we convince them to go home.

I'm the person in charge of convincing you.

No follow-up after laughing? Say something.

I thought laughing would make us look stronger.

Okay, I got that. Explain our circumstances.

That's enough.

We have intimidated him enough. Aren't you impressed?

Well, I mean...

Just say we are.

Let's get past this.

Okay then. But you really don't...

Why don't you just play along? Why not just say it?

Well, I mean...

That's enough. Just stop. You two need to stop.

-What are you doing? -What?

Just say we're strong.

Why are you distracted?

-Why? -Wait a sec, let me say it.

You look strong. Then, then, then you're strong.

What do you mean "then"? That negates everything. Say...

Fine. Properly strong, properly.

"Properly" is weird.

Fine, then. You look strong. You look strong

You need to shut up.

Stop it.

We are Gold aliens.

Hey!

Hey, your name is lame too.

Lame?

Ah, but that's probably based on our values. It's my fault.

A mysterious plague hit our planet, killing all of our women.

So we are looking for a planet with many women to make children.

Earth has women, right?

Well, yeah.

We want to have children with them.

However, we cannot copulate unless our mate is in love with us.

So it would be a problem if they don't fall in love with us.

So you need those kinds of conditions to mate?

Why not?

But why? But in that case...

Would that even work? No, it won't.

It wouldn't?

Anyway, we are the number one handsome actors on our planet.

We were sent as a vanguard unit.

You are handsome actors?

-Yes, we are. -Why do you ask?

I mean, you're really... Oh...

-You guys are handsome. -Right.

I was the number one male actor women wanted to have sex with

for 5 years in a row.

Five years in a row?

That's funny. I mean, impressive.

I was second.

You were second place for five years? That hand means five?

-Yeah, this is five. -Five years is impressive.

I wonder how it will go. I'm not sure how Earthlings would react.

I'm not sure how it would work out.

But why not? We are the most popular guys on our planet.

That is true but...

How can I tell you the truth...

From an Earthling woman's standpoint...

The problem is your shape.

Our shape? What do you mean?

Well, I'm not sure how to put it.

From their standpoint, your shape is, you know...

It's kind of repellent.

Repellent?

I mean, some might not agree. Some might find it hilarious.

Hilarious?

I mean, it's unattractive for them to laugh at you anyway.

You don't want a woman that laughs too much.

I think men would love you, though. They would be amazed.

You saw how I reacted.

We don't need men.

-So you want women? -Yeah.

Okay, if you see women that laugh at you,

then you should probably avoid them.

-Find a nice and pretty woman. -What should we do?

Most women would be revolted. You see, like this.

You can't talk to them.

Look at us.

They can't. They just can't look at you.

What's going on now? Just tell us.

They can't look at you directly. Whoa, just kidding.

It got big. What is going on?

Gold aliens use their heads to intimidate others.

So it gets big?

Are you a grower?

That's not good.

Don't let it grow in front of women on Earth.

What are you trying to say? I don't get it.

-Well... -How can we not be popular?

There is a reason. It's not about popularity.

-It's about different standards... -You're so ambiguous.

I mean, I guess some women acknowledge that it's necessary, but still...

I just can't look.

You're too abstract.

I mean...

You see...

What?

All I can say is "willy."

I don't understand.

Yeah.

Why are you urging us to guess?

I'm not urging... How can you be so confident?

How?

We have been number one.

-It's just huge. -We've been number one.

Who the heck is calling me?

I need to go.

-I need to leave. -We're not done.

I'm switching with someone else.

But we don't have much time either.

I don't have time. I'm switching. Don't worry.

But our spaceship...

Wow, you guys are really... You look amazing from here.

-What is "Willy"? -Don't look at me.

-Why not? -You're second place.

At least you're color isn't flesh tone. That would have been inappropriate.

That was a close one.

Flesh tone?

I'm switching. Wait a second.

Is that a good thing? What is flesh tone?

What's going on?

What's wrong with him?

How can you laugh now?

Luchini, switch with me.

A soldier needs rest. Let him sleep.

Be a soldier in this reality.

Okay.

I'll go.

Actually, maybe Kaorin shouldn't.

Kaorin?

Russian Red Rose should refrain from this mission.

-Why? -That's because...

I think this time it would be too shocking for you, sir.

Why? I've seen most of the aliens. Nothing would shock me now.

But this time it's different.

It would be too shocking. You probably wouldn't want to see them.

I mean, I don't want to show this to the Russian Red Rose.

I understand.

Then I'll go back to my world.

Yes, sir.

What am I doing? What the heck is going on?

I'm sorry. My substitute is asleep right now.

You needn't switch. Just allow us to land on Earth.

Please forget about that.

We need to report the situation on Earth by tomorrow.

I already told you, it's impossible on Earth. Seriously.

Just go back to Planet Gold.

It's not impossible. We were popular back home.

Each planet has different circumstances.

We won't know until we try.

I know, even if you don't.

-Just take us with you. -It's not happening.

-Why? -It's impossible.

-Why? -It's impossible.

If that's the case, should we give up?

Why are you giving up now? Hang in there.

That's right. We won't give up.

Please, just give up. I don't have time.

Why should we give up on our plans to be popular on Earth

just because of you?

I need to pack lunch.

Lunch?

I need to pack lunch and go on a field trip.

-Lunch and field trip? -Yeah.

My wife had a fight with her friend who's also a mother.

So she said she won't come out of the kotatsu.

What does that mean?

What?

-We want to know what that means. -What?

I'm the one who wants to ask you.

-What is this? -What?

I don't understand what you just said.

What?

-Why are you the one who's confused? -I mean you... Huh?

We're asking you.

What can't you understand?

We don't understand anything you just said.

I'm telling you... Wait, you don't have field trips?

I don't think so.

Elementary or kindergarten kids pack lunches and go on field trips.

Kids take a long walk with their friends at a distant location and eat lunch.

Now we get it.

Normally wives go with them. But my wife fought with another mom.

It's awkward, so it's not happening.

What do you mean she fought with another mom?

I'm telling you.

Be more understanding. Moms have their reasons too.

Some have husbands with low salaries.

Some don't enjoy weekends. Some care about rent price.

They have to think about what their kids wear.

You should understand at least that much.

What is this silence? Why are you so puzzled?

Of course we are.

Don't be puzzled.

Of course we are. We don't understand.

Your tone of voice is so annoying.

What?

I actually prefer the dude on the left.

You two need to stop. I like him better.

You're just annoying. My ears hurt.

What?

It's annoying.

-He's useless. -I've been annoyed for a while.

-What? -What?

Are you mimicking me? You're making me mad.

I might throw this at you. Did you hear me?

Can you throw it?

-I'll throw it at you. -Ah, he's mad.

Why are you growing? Are you excited?

-I give up. I'm throwing it. -I don't get it. Go ahead and throw.

-Throw it at me. -You don't even know.

-It will be painful. You're making me mad. -It's okay.

I'm really so mad now.

Throw it at me.

It's a big deal.

I prefer this dude.

Stop the laughing. Stop syncing.

You're so annoying.

So are you.

You're whole existence is annoying.

-That's going too far. -I know. But I prefer this guy.

-So you two are actually one? -Yeah.

Two four-eyes, so, eight-eyes?

Shut up. Is that even a compliment? You're picking on us.

Show me something, eight-eyes. If you impress me I'll let you go.

-You can go to Earth. -What?

Stop being annoying, eight-eyes.

What?

What are you going to say? "No glasses, who dis?"

-Heck no. We're not saying that. -No?

-Who dis? -Why are you saying it?

No glasses, who dis?

-I'm never saying that. -We're Gold aliens, who dis?

-That's awesome. -Don't say that.

-I like the left guy. -Shut up.

Tell me a joke.

No. Where did that come from?

I can't even.

-I can't even. -Stop it.

The guy on the left is awesome.

Stop it.

You're still mad.

Of course I am.

-I'll throw it at you. -Just let me talk with the left guy.

Did you understand the mom relationship stuff?

I did get that part.

So let us go to Earth.

Sorry, but no can do.

I really like you but I still can't let you go.

You need to go back home so that I can go back home.

You keep talking about relationships between mothers

but it has nothing to do with us.

-Hello? -You're answering?

Hello. What? You have an emergency staff meeting?

Give me a break. Some weirdly shaped aliens are here.

They want to be popular on Earth. But that's not happening.

It's an emergency? Okay.

Okay, I'll do what I can to wake Luchini.

Why did you suddenly calm down?

Because it's been quite a while.

What? Why aren't you mad? I just said you wouldn't be popular.

-No, I just want to ask... -What?

Why wouldn't we be popular?

That is just so obvious. Just, please, shut up.

Commander Kotatsu is scary.

Who the heck is this Commander Kotatsu?

You guys don't have kotatsus on your planet?

-Kotatsu? -Kotatsu?

You guys are in sync. I don't have the motivation to explain.

-Kotatsu, we need to look this up. -No, we don't.

Your name is Kotatsu?

No, he wants to look up the word "kotatsu."

-Look up "kotatsu." -Why?

-My name is not Kotatsu. -This is awesome.

You two four-eyes are great.

We're not doing this for you.

You're so stiff.

Sorry, but I hate you a lot.

-I'm really sorry about it. -Who?

-You. -You.

I hate you. You're so annoying.

Shut up.

Think about it.

Okay, I'm bored.

What do you mean, bored? Don't worry. Someone younger will come.

-Hey. -You, honestly...

-Just you wait. -What?

-You want to fight? -I can block those balls.

-I'll throw them at you. -The dude on the left is okay.

I just want to fight the right dude, not left.

Bring it on.

But seriously, color matters. It would have been inappropriate.

We still don't get it. What colors?

I seriously hate him.

What is so funny? You always laugh at weird times.

I've had enough of this. Luchini.

I will no longer let you slack off.

-Let me go. -I've had enough of this.

Why are you pulling me out like this?

Seriously?

What is so funny?

-Men really like us. -I told you.

Why are you shaped like that?

It's your turn now.

What is going on?

Man, I can't stop laughing.

-What is this? -His laughter is making me happy.

It rotates? Whoa! It's turning round and round.

I envy you guys!

What is this? What is this, anyway?

I've never laughed that hard before.

And never wanted to back off more.

It rotates when we're happy.

-So that's why. -Yeah.

It rotates... Um...

You know, I think this is amazing. I really do.

But you can't enter Earth. You would be censored.

Wow, it's pretty loud when it turns.

We don't want to be on TV, anyway. We just want to be popular.

Both are impossible, though.

Huh? But why?

What type of guys are popular on Earth, anyway?

Tell us.

What happened?

I'm not trying to brag, but...

What?

Is your neck okay?

What? Are you okay?

What is going on with your neck?

-It's not bright at all. -It's so bright. I'll get a sunburn.

You won't tan from that.

Give me some suntan lotion.

Is this kid in his right mind?

I'm popular.

-You're popular? -What?

You?

-With that face? -Hey.

With that head?

You're popular without one of these?

Well, that's...

Actually, on Earth it's the opposite.

It's bad to have one on your head.

Hilarious. Simply Hilarious.

How can you be popular without this?

The bigger it is, the more popular you are.

Yeah?

Yeah, but really... No, that's not it. There are other factors too.

-But it's true. -Not really.

Hardness is important.

Huh? Hardness?

There are other factors.

How can I put it?

-There are different types. -Types?

Like this.

What are you talking about?

I mean, yours is kind of bent.

Yeah, some are like that.

-Some? Let's just go to Earth. -There are different types.

We'll go to Earth and be popular.

No, that's not it.

How can I put it?

You see...

Sorry.

You're in the wrong place.

-Place? -Place?

You see, on Earth, we don't just let it out all the time.

-You don't let it out? -Yeah.

We can't show our heads?

Yeah, I mean, it's because... You know...

So we can't show these?

-Yeah. -We can wear space suits.

Oh? You have suits?

No. That's not okay! No!

That's even worse. Worse.

Worse?

Yeah, you see...

Be gentle.

Gentle is good.

You must be very gentle.

I mean...

Yeah, I guess it depends.

-Depends? -It varies.

-It depends? -Don't you get it?

-I don't get it. -It just does.

You know? The mood.

What are you...

Don't you get it?

-What? -The situation.

-Situation? -Situation?

Yeah. You should be prepared.

-Prepared? -No, I mean.

That's why we have suits.

Is now an emergency? I guess it is.

Yeah, you see...

It's a good thing but it won't work.

-It's a good thing? -It's a really good thing to do.

Of course you should.

What are you taking about? Good but no good?

-It's good but you can't. -Why can't you be more clear?

Because of your darn shape.

-What the heck? -What?

What? Why?

It's stretching.

It stretched.

That's no good.

What was that then?

So until now you were... You were just... Like this?

-What are you... -No, I mean

-You just insulted our shape. -So you stretch when you're mad?

-Yeah. -So you're excited?

-No, we're just mad. -So you're mad.

I thought you were already big but I was wrong.

You know, I thought you were...

-I thought it was your final shape. -Final shape?

-What is he saying? -But still...

-We don't get it. -I mean I was already envious.

Why are you envious? You admire us?

I think it's amazing. But what do you do with it?

-What? You want to wear it too? -No, I mean...

-You want the suit? -No. I won't wear it.

You want to be popular, right?

I don't need one.

What do you mean?

How would I?

Why are you moving like that? We don't do that.

Oh, is that so? But what about women?

-Huh? -What about your females?

What's theirs like?

But why? I'm really not available today.

Huh?

Kaorin?

What happened?

Oh, no.

Did an alien do this?

Wait a second. Let me think about this.

So amazing.

What happened?

We have some really troublesome aliens here.

Did they hurt Kaorin?

She's just sleeping.

-I'll go, then. -Wait, no.

Wait, you can't go Shinko.

-Why? -Whatever the reason is.

-Let me go. -No. Wait, don't go.

Are you a woman? A woman from Earth?

This is amazing.

It's so well-made.

It's not a costume. It's real.

I see but it's just so well-made.

They are, but...

Woman from Earth,

you must have fallen in love with us.

You like us don't you?

We wouldn't mind if you confessed right now.

Are you saying that I'm in love with you two?

Exactly.

We will let you help us procreate.

Close your eyes.

We need your love aura for us to prepare.

Fall for us now.

Back on our planet,

women would fall in love with us in just two seconds.

That's impossible.

Shinko only loves 'Xile.

-'Xile, what's that? -Exile.

What?

-Look it up. -Right.

-So you prefer Exile over us? -Yes.

What?

-Impossible... -It's possible.

She overlaps my lines so much.

Look at this.

What?

We lost to this?

By the way, which one is your favorite?

Tetsuya.

Tetsuya?

Which one?

This person.

What?

So it's not Atsushi or Takahiro?

Yes, I love Tetsuya.

-But the third... -It's definitely Tetsuya.

Oh, really?

But Takahiro and Iwata are better. Tosaka is good too.

I mean, we're better than the other ones.

I'll beat your ass, you punks!

You dick-headed punks.

You dickheads can shut up! Don't you dare insult Exile!

What? What is a dickhead?

Go home, losers. I'll cut off your dick if you keep insulting Tetsuya!

Why are you suddenly mad? What is a dick?

I'm calling you a dick because that's what you are.

Why do you even have dicks on your heads?

So Earthlings don't like these?

-Why? -Because they're dicks.

Dicks...

-Look it up. -Right.

I get it now.

What is it?

Wow.

We can't be popular here.

Why?

Oh, okay. I see now.

-So that's why... -Yes, that's why.

No wonder you hesitated to say so.

Go back home, you dicks.

How can this woman keep cursing like that?

She's special.

Yeah, a woman normally wouldn't say it.

I guess we'll be going, then.

Things being as they are,

there's a 100% chance chicks won't like us.

So that's why they would be repelled.

So that's why...

So by getting hard you actually meant...

Yeah, you know...

It's a good thing.

Yeah, in a sense.

This is amazing.

You guys can rotate too.

I see. Earthlings don't rotate.

So that's why he was talking about color.

-Yeah. -Get going already!

We're going. Sorry about that.

So that's why...

You know, maybe other planets will like your heads.

It might not be dicks elsewhere.

-Good luck. -Thanks.

Get lost, dickheads. Get lost.

Shinko.

-This is mean. -Shinko.

Get lost, dickheads. Get lost.

We already know.

Forever a dick.

Don't say forever.

What is forever?

-Dick. Dick. -Stop saying "dick."

-What is this? -Don't say that.

-Dicks get lost. -Did you just say Shinko?

-Dick get lost. Shinko get lost. -Is it dick or Shinko?

Go home, dicks.

Her name sounds like the Japanese word for dick.

I'm glad Kaorin didn't see them.

We definitely can't show her that.

Oh, no. I fell asleep.

How's the battle?

It's not good, sir. Russian Red Rose.

No, we must attack.

Yes, sir.

Whoa, this is scary. This is far scarier for me.

That is... No.