Original subtitles

BUSINESSMEN VS ALIENS

EPISODE 8

I see. I guess it's something like androgyny.

So you can have a baby without males.

And you're all female.

-That's a pity. -That's a pity.

A pity, indeed.

What do you mean by, "a pity"?

How can I say it? It's difficult to put into words.

All I can say is that it's a pity.

I don't really get it.

If you're going to say, "I don't really get it,"

let's try doing it in pose.

So that's how it looks.

That's perfect. It's a ten on ten.

It's perfect but all I can say right now is that it's a pity.

So you're sure you're going to invade the Earth

no matter what.

Yes, research tells me it's perfect for raising kids.

And you're saying that is why you're going to eliminate human beings.

Yes, apparently this gas called carbon dioxide

that humans emit is very harmful to us.

I see.

-Mishima. -Yes.

Modern medicine on Earth is advanced, isn't it?

As a result, when we breathe, there may be a way to...

Not emit carbon dioxide.

Yes.

That would be good.

That way, we could coexist, right?

Yes.

Sorry to ask you so many times,

but, on your planet,

is everybody as beautiful as you are?

Well, we all have the same face.

Everybody? Everybody.

The same face on everybody.

Yes, everybody on our planet is a clone.

-Would you listen to that? -Would you listen to that?

So, this... Excuse me for calling it "this."

I mean...

This...

Are there many like this?

Yes.

Okay. Yes. Well...

Excuse us. Could you wait here for a while?

We will go somewhere else

to discuss the best way to invite you all to Earth.

We'll go and come back.

Thank you.

Mishima.

To the pit.

Yes.

-To the pit. -Yes.

What should we do?

That's Maetel!

What's that?

-Your generation doesn't know it. -From an anime?

My eternal goddess.

Is your wife Maetel?

No, Hanazawa.

-Hanazawa? -From "Sazae-san."

Oh, that pushy girl.

I'm weak to pushy girls.

That sounded cool.

But my ideal girl is Maetel.

What should we do then?

There's not point discussing.

Even an unemployed guy like you would be able to date a girl like that...

-Yes! -That's the way.

I like that aggressive attitude. The aggressive attitude is good.

-Imagine a girl like that on Earth. -Yes!

Nice. But don't interrupt me two times in a row.

I have more to say.

Don't interrupt me too much. I had two more lines.

Sorry. I'm the kind of guy who wants to say things to the very end.

Okay.

Yes, that way we can communicate. That's a good boy.

-Now, now... -Now, now...

What should we do?

But they will die if they keep inhaling CO2.

That's the same for us. Plants inhale CO2 and release oxygen.

But they can't stand even the slightest amount of CO2.

-No. It's a pity. Such a pity! A pity! -Such a pity!

But come to think of it,

we're not even allowed to let aliens in on Earth, are we?

You're a dummy after all. A fool.

Listen.

Where force prevails...

You can accomplish your goals?

No, you don't accomplish anything. You don't reach your goals, Mishima.

Where force prevails, right perishes.

Listen, I just remembered something important.

Yes, sir!

If there are aliens we want to bring to Earth,

we can bring them through that warp capsule.

Is that so?

Then we won't be discovered by the Cabinet Office.

I'm sorry. I'm late.

You don't look sorry at all. There's no need to say that line.

But I am sorry.

I don't have time for you.

At any rate, we have a big problem to solve.

What's that?

She's beautiful.

The alien.

Her name's Rumia.

She's going to die from inhaling CO2 when she invades the Earth,

so she has no choice but to kill all humans.

What the hell?

Stop joking.

It does sound like a joke, but...

She's so beautiful, it can't be helped.

What's wrong with you?

Your wife is ugly.

No matter how ugly your wife is,

that doesn't give you the right to flirt with aliens.

Let me talk to her. I'm going to make her go home.

Stop! Don't say anything rash. Wait up! Stop!

Hey you, alien! If you're trying to invade Earth,

you have me.

Excuse me? You?

Never mind.

Anyway, if you want to go there,

if you want to live on Earth,

I guess, we have no choice

but to let you go down to it.

I'm here to help.

Right? You see now?

I heard you don't like CO2.

Do you, by any chance,

have a device that can immediately convert CO2 into oxygen?

No.

I thought so.

If you did, you wouldn't have come to Earth.

You're right.

Right, right.

Then we should

stop breathing.

You can do that?

I can.

For you.

I can do it.

If it's for you, I can do it.

I appreciate it.

We don't want to kill you guys either.

But the thing that I'm worried about

is that Earth is pretty strong.

Can you win?

We can emit a beam from our eyes and kill thousands of you at once,

so I think we'll manage.

We can easily destroy missiles and bombs.

You're strong.

Your eyes are shining

with the strength of 10,000 volts.

It must be more than 10,000 volts.

And I'm attracted to those 10,000-volt eyes

of yours.

What's wrong with you? What happened to you?

If I go to college would you date me?

What happened to you? You're acting weird.

Don't you understand? She's here to kill us.

She doesn't care about your education.

What is dating?

Of course you don't know.

For you, dating men is a completely unknown thing.

I can teach you.

This is bad.

This.

You're taking too much time to get your point across.

We'll be gone again to discuss this. Can you please wait a little?

I'm in a little rush, so please hurry.

Okay, don't waste any more time. We won't waste time.

-I'm going to pass the exam. -Why are you saying that?

I definitely will.

-You're scaring her. -I'm going to college!

I'll pass!

Come to my house.

I'm going to study hard.

And go to Waseda University.

Forget it.

-I'm going to pass the exam. -Shut up. You're acting weird.

-What's wrong with you? Shut up. -I'll definitely pass it. Definitely!

-We're done now. Time's up. -I'll definitely pass it!

-Close the door! -Because I love you!

Please close!

Can't we do something?

These are two extreme choices.

But we don't want to get killed by her.

Don't kill, don't get killed. Let her live and date her.

This is Romeo and Juliet. No, this choice is even harder.

But hey,

it's not like everyone can date Rumia.

Everyone has the same face.

They're clones, so they have the same face.

Right?

That's all I can say.

We can all have a Rumia.

DJ Coo, stop! How long are we going to keep doing this?

It's scary. It's frightening.

Let's ask the Cabinet.

Ask them what?

I want to date the unbearably beautiful aliens,

so please make a facility

that can immediately convert CO2 into oxygen.

Why should they care about your love life?

Damn it!

Hey.

Why are you here?

I don't have work today.

There's three of us.

I was forced to warp here.

Damn it!

They found out about our plan to smuggle the alien.

Alien smuggling?

We were discussing how to bring aliens to Earth.

Why would you need to do such a thing? Of course you can't.

You'll understand immediately if you enter that room.

No matter the reason, that's unacceptable.

Just go!

I'm busy. Fools.

You'll immediately understand, be careful.

-What does that mean? -Please be careful.

Hey you!

-Please date me. -That was quick.

We'll come back.

I'm definitely going to college.

I'm definitely going to pass. I'll study hard.

-Let me go! -I'm going to try for Waseda.

I'm going to try for Waseda.

Please date me if I pass the exam.

Shut up!

Do you understand the situation?

I understood it.

What do you think?

Right?

Were you cooing too?

Yes, we all went "coo-coo" too.

What's with that?

Let's calm the cooing down at once.

Everyone, listen. Give me your best ideas.

Saneyoshi.

What is it?

Ever since I came here

and started this job,

I've never thought about Earth

and humans' lives this seriously.

I see.

You finally understood.

You're right.

This job is important.

Yes.

Earthlings' lives.

Aliens' lives.

To think about all forms of life,

that's my job.

Yes.

It's greenery.

It's greenery!

We have to expand the greenery!

What?

Tokyo, New York.

And others.

The more cities are created

the more the Earth continues to lose its greenery.

We should destroy those cities and let the greenery come back.

Then we'll have a lot more oxygen!

That's a great idea!

Who's going to destroy the cities?

She has beams.

The aliens!

They can go to different cities and destroy them.

And then we'll plant trees.

That's it!

We can stop global warming too! Stop the global warming!

-Kill two birds with one stone. -Okay.

I'm going to get a bunch of small cedar trees

and plant them in every city.

Wait!

-What?

Cedar trees takes 10 years to grow and photosynthesize.

-Damn it! -Damn it!

Oh, no. Rumia will be an old woman by then.

She'll kill us with her beams before that.

No!

Why?

Why do we humans have to release CO2?

How long would it take humans to evolve to be able to photosynthesize?

The biggest problem would be whether humans will evolve like that.

Human evolution, is it? We need to wish with all our might to become plants.

Giraffes have long necks so they can eat the highest leaves on a tree.

Humans become plants

in order to convert CO2

into oxygen.

Plants.

Is that

what you want to become?

No!

We can't date girls if we're plants!

-That's right! -That's right!

We just receive and distribute pollen!

-Damn it! -Damn it!

Calm down. Humans will never become plants.

-Damn it! -Damn it!

How about this?

When you breathe, purse your lips and breathe out as little air as possible.

What do you think?

That means less CO2!

Okay! Let's try it. Professor, how do we do it?

Deep breath in, small breath out.

One more time! Deep breath in, small breath out.

Say something.

Chin.

Keep your chin up.

It's cold today.

-Yes. -Pretty cold.

Do it again. From the beginning.

Open up your mouth.

Do this on one, and purse your lips on two. Two!

Together again, one and two. Ready?

One. Two. Three.

We can do this!

Wait, no!

Every single human being has to breathe this way.

Would everyone cooperate so we can date Rumia?

I doubt it.

Damn it!

Isn't there any way for us to date Rumia without killing?

Why's everyone here?

Did something happen?

No. This...

It was an emergency warp.

I was making dumplings so I might smell of garlic.

Is it okay?

No problem.

I want to go home quickly. Tell us what's wrong.

I don't want to burn my dumplings either.

Are the aliens strong?

Four men can't persuade them?

She's strong in a sense, yes.

I'll take a look.

-Wait. -It's fine.

I can stand gross-looking aliens.

I need to go home soon.

Right. This wasn't planned. Sorry, Kaori.

You fell in love?

You all fell in love with her?

Not me.

What? Didn't you even suggest humans becoming plants?

Yes, I did!

And? You wanted to take her with you to Earth.

I see.

What should we do?

You mean...

All of you

fell in love with an alien?

Then...

What about me?

Your situation is different.

I'm going to take a look.

Please...

Excuse me.

She's cute.

Excuse me...

The oxygen in the spaceship is getting low.

So I want to go to Earth sooner rather than later.

Will I lose? No, I'm not going to lose.

Because I'm the prettiest girl in the universe.

Excuse me.

You can't go to Earth.

But they said they'll come up with a way to take me to Earth.

Whatever the reason, you can't go to Earth. I'm very sorry.

But I've been waiting for so long.

We were chosen to be part of the Defense Force

whose aim is to stop aliens like you from trying to invade Earth.

Defeat? But we can also emit beams.

We have weapons stronger than that.

Anyway, please return to your own planet without any fuss.

I can't do that.

Um... Kaorin. You see... This...

She's scary. She said she'll kill me.

You don't need to be scared.

The truth is that she is a very nice lady.

Are you going to let me go to Earth, everyone?

Well, about that, we're still discussing that.

We would very much want to date you...

I mean, co-exist with you, but...

But I can't go to Earth?

To be honest,

I'm afraid the discussion may be going in that direction.

Rumia... You see...

She's so cute. She's cute even when she's crying.

It's sad that you're all on the alien's side.

Kaorin's started crying too.

It's no use. I can't make up my mind.

Let's think it over.

Give us a little more time. We'll be back soon.

Let's hurry up!

Yo, old bag.

Stop acting cute.

I'm really sad.

You liar.

You can't really beam, can you?

That's why you're trying to trick the guys to get to Earth.

Don't be so mean to me.

No way am I going to let you come to Earth.

Don't let yourself get carried away!

So that's your true self.

Stop acting cute with that ugly face.

Can you really date guys on Earth with a face like that?

All the guys on Earth are crazy about me.

Someone like you can date guys? So the girls on Earth are even uglier.

Guys will faint if I go to Earth.

Those guys didn't faint.

-Do you want to die? -Bring it on!

You wanna fight?

I have an idea.

We can help Rumia's body evolve in the opposite direction.

What do you mean?

Can something like that be done?

Rumia is androgynous.

So she has never loved anyone of the opposite sex.

So if we can teach her

the feeling of loving a guy,

the male side of her will disappear.

And she will become

entirely female.

I never knew you guys could be so serious.

That means

if one of us were to be loved by Rumia...

She would become

entirely female.

Is something like that

even possible?

Yes.

On what grounds you said so?

The question now is, who will Rumia fall for?

What's her type?

She doesn't know love.

As a result, she doesn't have a type.

So a guy who has a mature charm,

understands female humor

and has refined facial features.

That would be me.

No, no. No way.

What's wrong?

You just went ahead and described yourself in a flattering way.

I thought so too.

At any rate, she's young, so let those two young guys go.

Two?

You're including me too?

Yes, Mishima. You have to realize, you're stupid,

and I mean really stupid.

But in a way, you're good-looking.

What should I do?

Should I be happy or offended?

Whatever.

Rumia said she doesn't have time. Hurry up!

And...

She will

fall for me.

Shut up and just go!

Let's go, Luchini!

Just away!

I see.

She falls in love and becomes a woman.

And then, all the other clones

will fall for us.

It's a possibility.

Oh, no! Help us!

What is it?

What are we going to do?

What is it?

This is more devastating than failing the exam!

-What? -What?

I'm seriously in love with her. Can I take her with me?

What is this? What's going on?

She's so cute!

She's become a man?

It seems that way.

Sorry it turned out this way.

By the way, if one of us becomes a man, all the others do so too.

So every person on the spaceship became a man as well.

Your face and body are completely masculine.

Why turn into a guy?

That's because Kaori's cute.

That's not true, Shinko. Don't say such embarrassing things.

I'm totally ugly.

But it didn't look like love at first sight.

Did you do something that made her turn into a guy?

She must've taken her clothes off.

I didn't do such a thing. No way!

Well then, I'm returning to my planet with her now.

Wait...

I don't want to. I want to stay on Earth.

Really?

In that case, it can't be helped.

I'm going to kill all Earthlings except for Kaori.

And then we can live happily ever after.

That's not going to happen.

It stinks! What's this smell? It stinks!

Now, that was easy.

Thank you, I was scared.

You're safe now, Kaorin.

We've lost interest now that they've turned into guys.

I knew we should've acted sooner.

Indeed.

If she had fallen in love with us she would've become a woman.

Damn.

By the way, it was Mishima who came up with that plan. Isn't he great?

Oh, yeah.

So he's actually smart?

I got 18 points on my exam yesterday.

Ah! You're stupid after all.

It's not our shift, time to go home.

Okay.

Because of this incident, Mishima became a doctor in biology

and later went on to win a Nobel Prize.

But that's a story we never could've imagined at this time.

Why are you telling such a weird a lie?

Oh, sorry. You're stupid. Forever.