Original subtitles

BUSINESSMEN VS ALIENS

EPISODE 5

Humans are strange creatures, aren't they?

We hated this job at the beginning, but it's our routine now.

Yeah, you're right.

My boss allowed me to work for the Cabinet Office,

even though he seemed a bit unhappy about it.

Mr. Saneyoshi, you use this as an excuse to avoid doing your own work, don't you?

What? No, I don't.

Yes, you do. You're that sort of man.

How would you know? I don't remember us being so close.

Must be nice to get something out of this work, to a certain extent.

You're mistaken.

In my case, there's no benefit at all, having no time for writing my music.

Your band plays and sings without any sound,

so you don't need to write music or lyrics.

What's wrong with you, Saneyoshi?

-Are you trying to pick a fight with me? -What's up?

Tell you what. Music flows in the souls of our band members.

In our fan's souls as well. Music flows where music flows.

Is that right? Really? I couldn't hear anything, though.

That's because you have no soul.

What? That's scary.

Oh, no. No, shall I call an ambulance?

No, I'm scared. Should I call an ambulance?

What's up? No! Hey!

No, no. I'll definitely call an ambulance.

No! I'll call 911. I'll call 911. I'll call 911.

I will. I will.

Excuse me, can I go to the lounge to compose music? It just came to me.

Came to you? What came to you?

The melody.

-What? -Can't you understand?

Moments of inspiration just come to artists.

It's like

a gift from the heavens.

God-sent. That sort of thing.

It just came to me right now.

My right hand is itching to lay down the notes.

See, "I want to lay down the notes!"

It's shouting it out.

Can you write a musical score?

-No, I can't. -Wow.

Basically, I hum into my iPhone.

But, in my soul, I'm laying down the notes.

-Stop it. -Can't you see?

Stop the neck-clicking. I don't get it.

You use the word "soul" too frequently.

I'll be in the lounge for a while.

What's this gesture?

No way, I don't get what he says at all.

What's this gesture?

Mr. Sanehara.

I'm Saneyoshi.

Kaorin, you don't even remember my name.

That's not it.

That's because "Mr. Sanehara" is your nickname in my mind. Sorry.

What? What do you mean?

You know, people tend to give a nickname to someone they like.

Yeah, I know.

That's why.

But I think "Sanegon" or "Sanecchi"

are better options for "Saneyoshi."

When you say "Mr. Sanehara,"

I can't help but think you just got my name wrong.

Is that just because I'm old?

No, not at all.

Well, the mole on your face is so charming.

I always wonder when it will fall off. Will it fall off today?

Will it be there the next time I see you? I always think about it.

You always make my heart pound with uncertainty.

That's why.

-"Mr. Sanehara"? -Yes.

In that case, I might have preferred "Mr. Sanedoki."

It sounds more like a nickname.

No way.

"Sanedoki" is bad. Sounds like "snail donkey."

"Snail donkey."

I don't understand your reasoning,

but if you insist, I accept "Mr. Sanehara."

But Kaorin, this mole won't ever fall off,

so I don't want your heart to pound with uncertainty for me.

Okay, then.

This mole will be with me till I die.

Really?

Absolutely. It will never go away.

-Is that so? -Yeah. That's how moles work. So...

Kaorin,

don't you worry.

By the way, do you have a friend whose mole came off?

I don't know because I've never paid much attention.

Of course. That's normal.

But yours captures my attention.

I wonder why.

Maybe because I like you?

What?

Sorry.

What am I saying?

Yeah.

I have a wife and a kid.

That's right.

Yeah.

I really want to go home.

Oh, Mr. Saneyoshi just left to check on you.

He was annoyingly cheery so I avoided him.

I see.

He was so happy. Did something happen?

Not really.

Mr. Luchini.

Yeah?

-Sorry to bother you. -No problem.

What? What's on your mind?

Actually,

my soul

can hear your music.

-No way. -It's true.

You're the first, apart from the band members.

I heard it the first time you performed.

Seriously?

Even now, I can hear the music you wrote.

That can't be true. I'm just choreographing now.

But the melody isn't there yet.

Even so, I can hear it.

I wonder why.

Why?

My soul and yours

are connected, perhaps?

What?

You possess something that you haven't actualized as a melody.

Through the fusion of my soul and yours,

I can feel it, perhaps.

Sounds complicated and hard for me to understand...

But maybe you're right.

But that could be...

Perhaps because

I like you.

Like.

Sorry for my impulsive reaction.

The proverb goes, "Love stories happen on an impulse."

Hey, Luchini, a melody came to me. Wanna hear it?

No, thanks.

I had my own love song just come to me.

-Oh! -What's up?

I just remembered something urgent.

That's no good.

What will I do? It might be bad if I don't go home.

I think it's okay if you go.

I agree. Hurry home, I don't wanna see your sad face.

Agreed. You're cutest when you're smiling.

Really?

Well, then,

let me take you up on your sweet offer.

Poof!

My sweet offer...

Took my sweet offer, huh?

A SPACESHIP FOUND!

A spaceship is approaching the far side of Earth. Get ready for negotiations.

-They can come from the far side as well? -I'm sure it's visible from Earth.

How shocking to know that all the rumors about UFOs are actually true.

Mr. Saneyoshi,

you take charge, please.

Why?

I told you. It just came to me.

It came to me as well.

Saneyoshi. Hey, Saneyoshi.

A salary-man doesn't need a melody coming to them.

Hey, a salary-man has the right to his own melody.

No chance.

A salary-man works for his salary. That's all.

Hey, kid. A kid who can't even pay taxes can't talk back to a salary-man.

No, no, no, no, no.

-Kid, kid, kid, kid. -You are a salary-man.

You're a kid.

-No, no, no, no, no. -Hey, kid.

-No, no, no, no, no. -Kid.

-I am in a band. -Kid.

-You are a salary-man. -Hey, kid.

Hey, what's with your reaction? Something's off here.

What's going on here? Tell you what,

I was sucked in on my way to invade Earth and I don't know what to do.

Please go home.

What are you looking at? Look at my eyes when you talk to me.

That's impossible 'cause it's just coming to me.

-What is? -A melody.

What? That's not right. What's coming to you is a Gerbarban.

-Not a melody. -Okay, okay.

So, what's up?

Why didn't you listen to me? You surprised me!

I told you I was here to invade Earth.

Yeah, you said that. Then, go back to the planet Geropappa.

Gerbarba, not Geropappa. What is Geropappa?

What are you looking at?

Don't tell me to go home.

Why don't you look me in the eye? It's weird.

If I called Earth, "Earp," you would't be pleased, right?

I don't mind.

"Earp" sounds fab.

Please go home.

Whoa, whoa. You're amazingly determined!

So determined not to look me in the eye. Why?

Didn't you go to school? Hey?

Didn't your teachers tell you,

"Look into the eyes of your listener when you talk"?

Whatever. Please go home.

Who're you facing? Can you see someone else there?

I came here alone. Hey, wait a sec.

Hey, I told you. I wanna invade Earth as soon as possible,

in order to expand the Gerbarbans' colony.

That's how it is.

Your answer!

I told you. No invasion. Please go home

Wait a sec, you just wait a sec.

You, with the perm gone wrong. Stop the weird wiggling.

It's naturally curly!

Sorry. It's natural?

Huh?

No conversation?

You guys pulled me here.

Right?

What? What's up?

Well, is this like a pause or something?

Are you okay? Wait. What, now?

You pulled me here and now you're ignoring me.

You've got some nerve.

-I don't know the reason. -I told you already!

We have various reasons.

Tell me, then. Quickly.

-Well, because... -What?

-Tell me. -Well, yeah...

Tell me now!

The thing is, my head is filled with thoughts of a certain woman.

What?

Yeah.

I'm absorbed by a melody

that's going to be dedicated to a certain woman.

But the melody has not come yet.

It's like she's all I can think about.

Wow, amazing. How amazing.

You were wiggling like this without a melody, right?

Oui.

What's with this "Oui" thing?

You're a genius in a sense, although you have no talent.

Oui.

You still say "Oui"? What's that all about? Okay, I see.

Let me summarize this.

Both of you are too preoccupied with a certain woman

to talk to me.

Is that correct?

-Yes. -Are you alive?

I feel no sign of life. Both of you, where are you looking at?

-Well... -What?

I don't wanna look at you.

I have her lovely image in my mind

and I don't wanna destroy it by looking at you.

What do you mean by that?

Mr. Saneyoshi, what you just said isn't nice.

Wait a sec. What did he mean? Tell me.

What did he mean? He was pretty clear.

Can't hear you. Sorry, wait. Well...

Maybe we're getting lost in translation? I want to hear what you really meant.

Hey you! You don't look at me at all. Answer me.

Well...

Okay, got it. I scared you. Sorry, sorry.

Tell me. Bluntly. I'll be all right.

Well, no...

Sorry, but you're being too polite.

That's hurtful, and even annoying.

No, really. The problem is not you, it's me.

No, no, no. That's not right.

You explicitly said I had a problem.

If she knows, how about we leave it at that?

-Acknowledging it is enough, isn't it? -But... But...

I'm saying I wanna hear again what it means.

As a mature adult, I think I shouldn't say it.

So, listen, man. Between Earthlings and aliens, adults or children aren't...

Because you're ugly!

Luchini, that's...

What?

I'm saying we don't wanna look at you 'cause you're ugly!

You're lying. Lies!

Tell me you just lied.

He sat down.

I won't!

You said it bluntly!

I should've known.

I shouldn't have to be polite, 'cause you're here to invade Earth.

I don't wanna look at you

'cause you're ugly!

You said it directly, although you're not looking at me.

It hurts.

The word "ugly" hurts me.

No. What a bad boy.

Sorry. Somehow...

Well, no one has ever been that direct, so I'm in a bit of a shock.

Shock, you know? Let me have some time to take a deep breath.

No matter how much time you take, you'll be still ugly.

Shut up! Don't say anything!

I'm trying to think it over.

In my mind.

I'm reviewing everything you said.

After all...

Tell you what.

Gerbarbans are considering co-existing with Earthlings.

Like, if Earthlings ask us to live together, we would say, "Yes."

That's what I'm thinking.

'Cause our research indicates that Earthlings resemble us.

You're ugly, though.

Okay. Let's set that aside for now, shall we?

Let's talk about more important stuff.

On the planet Gerbarba,

I'm a beauty.

-What? -What?

What's up? What's wrong?

Are you holding in a number two? Are you all right?

What is it? Wait a sec.

Are you okay? What's wrong?

-Wait. -Are you shocked?

What? You mean, well...

You mean, on Gerbarba, most women are uglier than you?

Well, I mean, in university I was Miss Campus.

Why? Why are you laughing?

Well, in that case,

you mean, the planet is full of ugly chicks like you, then?

Well, to be honest, that's correct.

But if I say that, I sound like I'm ugly on the inside.

So, I won't say that. Please understand.

No worries, 'cause you're ugly on the outside as well.

Oh, that's good to know. You jerk!

-I made a boo-boo. -Don't you mess with me!

"Boo-boo"? You talk like a baby.

-You're not cute. -So...

-What is it? -For various reasons,

neither invading Earth nor co-existing are feasible options. Please go home.

Why?

If your chicks are as cute as Suzu Hirose,

we'll be happy to consider co-existing.

Who's that, eh? Who's that?

Suzu Hirose is a beauty on Earth.

You say no to our invasion 'cause I'm ugly.

Is that what you're saying?

In conclusion, yes, that's right.

Oh, I see. Got it. Ugly aliens are not allowed to invade, right?

Any invasion is bad, even if the invaders are not ugly.

But invasions by ugly ones are especially bad.

Don't give me this bullshit. That's nonsense.

What are you looking at?

Aren't there any ugly women like me on Earth?

-There are. -There are!

They do exist.

However, there's no need to increase the number of ugly women.

Being conquered by ugly ones is harder to take.

If I put it in Evangelion terms, no proliferation plan of ugly chicks.

You didn't even watch Evangelion, did you?

People in Evangelion don't gesture like this.

You two are unbelievable.

You were holding back at first

but once you got started, you can't stop saying "ugly."

'Cause you're ugly.

'Cause I'm ugly.

Bastards!

Don't mess with me. Listen, I... No, not me.

Gerbarbans get really ugly when angry.

I'll get even uglier in 30 seconds. What are you gonna do?

-It's gonna be soon. -I can't take it.

I can't stay here if you get uglier.

Please don't. Please calm down.

If you get any uglier, you wouldn't even resemble a human.

Oh! You're so incredible.

Incredible, a big head with naturally-curly hair!

How could you say that?

I'm gonna turn into the ugliest woman you've ever seen.

You've got to watch me change. You'll be stunned.

Don't. Don't destroy my beautiful image any further.

Don't erase my happy melody.

I'll do it! I'll do it!

Got it! She asked if she could go,

but she wanted to see if I could come with her.

Yes! When she talked about my sweetness, she meant she wanted me to indulge her.

-Why didn't I go with her? -Why didn't I go with her?

-You stay here! -No, someone is waiting for me.

Same here!

Your wife, right? Let her wait. That's what wives are for.

Not my wife. I'm a hero chasing forbidden love.

Forbidden love is never for a hero.

Anyway, someone is waiting for me.

Whatever. We don't have time, so let's go home.

Yeah.

Would it be okay if no one is left on shift?

I don't care!

You're a salary-man but you ignore social rules.

No rules for forbidden love!

Total 3,687 yen. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, no.

Oh, no. I was forced to come back.

I was working at a cash register in a supermarket.

Where are Saneyoshi and Luchini?

We forced you two to be on shift because both of them went home.

Oh, no. If I skip work too often, I won't be able to buy concert tickets.

Kaori, you were supposed to be here today, weren't you?

Yeah, but they insisted I could leave, so I did.

What the heck? Do they hate you?

Perhaps.

Not a chance!

Kaorin likes me!

Idiot! My soul and her soul are connected.

One of us should die, then!

As you wish!

Because I am so cute, men always get infatuated with me.

They must have dueled here.

A fierce duel between two men mesmerized by my cuteness

in such a short time frame.

I don't know much about Star Wars,

but they probably turned to dust in space after the battle?

Oh, no!

This wouldn't have happened if I was a little less cute!

Mishima and Ushiyama weren't forced to come back,

which suggests they must be in real trouble.

Can't do anything about it.

Is that how it works?

They don't call someone who's in real trouble?

No, not forcefully.

I was in a rough spot to a certain extent.

I wonder what Mishima and Ushiyama are doing?

No way!

To be honest,

I think

I like you.

Oh, no, I'm too embarrassed to stay here any longer.

I'm going home.

Poof!

Poof!

I told a big lie to Mishima, a studious person,

just because I wanted to go home.

He can no longer concentrate on his studies because of my lie.

My name and his messages to me are all that's on his flash cards.

He even drew my portrait on his test answer sheet.

His obsession with me lowered his already-low test scores.

He totally loses his mind and he joins a weird religion in Africa.

He wears rings on his neck and it gets much longer.

He sticks his neck out for his longing for me!

Skillful. I'm not just a pretty face, but skillful.

But...

No good!

Ushiyama should be able to come after school hours.

I didn't tell Ushiyama I liked him. But he likes me for sure.

I wish I had a student like you.

He gets upset because there aren't any cute girls like me in his school.

He loses it and starts to whip the girls with his bamboo sword.

Please stop! There's no one cuter than me on Earth!

No cute girls like me in his shitty school.

Teacher! Come to your senses already!

No!

Let's go to the meeting room because we're here to see an alien.

Okay.

Oh, no.

You must be the cutie, eh?

No, I am...

She's the cute girl. I'm the cute middle-aged lady.

What?

What's your cuteness ranking on Earth?

On Earth? No idea.

She's far cuter than you, at least.

That's not true. What are you talking about?

If you were on Gerbarba,

no one would even notice you.

You'd be invisible.

I don't know about the situation in Gerobarba.

It's Gerbarba.

-Gerobarba, right? -Gerbarba.

Kaori, tell her bluntly, "I'm cuter than you."

But...

Can you say that, missy? Those words?

-Sorry to say... -What?

I suppose I'm much cuter than you.

Yeah, she's right.

You said it. I can't believe you said that.

Wait a sec.

Does that mean I'm ugly even from a woman's point of view?

Girls often talk about their super pretty friends who are usually ugly.

Even from women's point of view, am I...

Ugly.

-Men on Earth will... -Ignore you.

That's a lie. No way. I know what you're thinking, you two.

It's like, you don't want me on Earth

because I'll get all then men's attention, right?

That's why you're putting me down, right? It won't work.

I'll attract all the men on Earth and...

-Excuse me. -Don't interrupt me. What is it?

On Earth, a cutie means me.

I'm seriously cute.

-All the men on Earth adore me. -Amazing.

I'm the cutest on Earth. That's no exaggeration.

Therefore, you coming here is completely pointless.

However, you might succeed as a comedian if you have a good sense of humor.

In any case, an ugly woman like you will suffer anywhere you go.

Suffer? That's no good.

Your ugliness is probably universally recognized in space.

Therefore, please return to your own planet.

You bluntly said "ugly" many times.

On Earth. What am I gonna do?

Oh, I was supposed to go home.

Yeah. I'm going home.

Yeah, you should. You'll be happy that way.

I think so, too.

I don't wanna be called ugly everywhere I go.

Yeah. You will.

I will be. Well...

I've just realized what you meant, and it really hurts.

I feel like crying now.

Yeah, I should go home.

Many people are waiting for me.

If you'll excuse me.

Thank you very much for enlightening me.

-You're welcome. -I'm going now.

-Okay. -Have a safe trip.

Well done, Kaori.

You went above and beyond to persuade the alien.

I'm sorry.

You don't have to apologize. She left, thanks to you.

What I said wasn't for persuasion.

What?

That's how I really feel.

I believe I'm the cutest girl on Earth.

Whoa!

The Earth Defense Force will collapse completely because I'm super cute.

Well then, I'm going back to the cash register.

Please, God, make me the slightest bit uglier.

Otherwise, a space war will break out over me.

You don't have to worry that much.