Original subtitles

BUSINESSMEN vs ALIENS

Hey, bro, is he messing with us?

It seems like it.

Hey, you.

EPISODE 4

Will you let us go to Earth or what? Tell us clearly.

Told you, I won't.

I told you so many times.

The Earth is very similar to our planet, Tarpas.

That's why...

I would be a mad man if I let you invade Earth for that reason, right?

-There's more to it. Listen to me. -I've told you so many times.

I have a gig starting right now.

I gotta leave here soon.

Understand? Talk to the guy in a track suit. He'll be here soon.

Time to go. I'm leaving.

Wait. Wait. Hey.

-Have a seat. -Wait.

-What? -Wait.

Wait.

Calm down and think.

Shouldn't you skip your gig when we're here to invade Earth?

Don't be silly. There's no gig without me.

Then, cancel the gig itself.

Can't you see?

We have so many fans looking forward to it.

How many fans do you have?

Well...

Fifty, at least.

You mean, 50 times 10,000?

I couldn't hear the "10,000" bit.

I couldn't, either.

But his face implied 500,000.

Which is it?

Is there a "10,000" after "50" or not?

Fifty

people.

What? Got a problem with that?

Only 50 fans?

So what?

Then...

It doesn't matter much if such a shitty gig is on or not.

Shige. Shut up.

-Sorry. -You should stay cool during discussions.

Yes.

Still, your band rents out the place...

No, several bands are performing.

We'll be

fifth.

-You should prioritize this, then. -Shh. Shige.

Excuse me. Well...

How many songs are you gonna perform?

Two.

-Cancel it. -Why?

Fifty fans are waiting for the two songs.

You're talking on such a small scale I can't even picture it.

I can imagine a place like Yokohama Arena.

Or Shibuya Public Hall, although it's smaller.

I can only imagine places like them.

We usually use a venue for 150 people, maximum.

Is that all?

I'm going.

-Wait, wait, wait. -What's your problem?

-Wait, wait. -What?

We got you. We got you.

The second band has already started.

We got you. We got you. So...

What's your part?

The music won't work without a drummer, for sure, right?

Won't work without a lead guitar, either.

Bass, as well. Vocalist, of course.

But if you are a percussionist,

like Mr. Kegani in the band Southern All Stars,

or if you were a keyboard player,

it would be okay without you in the worst case scenario, right?

So, tell me just one thing. What's your part?

You're saying there are some parts unnecessary for a band?

I'm talking about the worst case scenario.

Too bad.

I am

the MC.

-MC? -That's right.

First, I talk for about a minute before the performance.

Once the audience is warmed up a bit, I introduce the members.

When the show starts, I get off the stage and cheer.

I lead the audience to cheer.

I sing along, depending on the songs.

And sometimes I help switch guitars.

Sometimes I hand water to the vocalist in a stylish manner. That is

my

part.

-Skip the gig. -Don't mess with me.

Don't you know how important my MC-ing and cheering are?

Without me, there'll be no standing ovation.

No one will thrust their fists into the air.

Thanks to me,

the audience stands up and cheers.

I guess your band is pathetic in itself.

May I ask one very important thing?

Sure.

Can't you play an instrument?

No.

I was born clumsy.

I've lived my life without success in building a single model.

Recently...

You know the plastic band on pet bottles?

The one you have to remove before recycling.

Even that...

-I can't do that. -You're seriously clumsy.

You're in a band even though you can't play an instrument?

I love

music.

The way you said it sounds so cool, but...

You can't do anything just because you love it.

Well, adios.

-Wait, wait, wait. -Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

Stop it. Enough. Let him go.

But, bro,

he's a fool.

It's no use talking with him.

Oh.

Luchini, that idiot.

It seems he left the aliens to get to his gig.

Kaorin, what's up?

Because Mr. Luchini has gone,

and nobody's here, I was forced to warp here.

But when I went to the meeting room, there were two aliens.

Whoa, it's the first time we've had two aliens, right?

You must have been scared.

I was scared.

Calm down. You'll be fine now.

Because I'm here.

I'm going home because I'm scared.

What? You're going home already?

-Yes. -No. It's finally just the two of us.

I want to have a long chat with you.

-What? -Let's sit down for a little while.

-The aliens are waiting. -Let them wait.

Let them wait.

They are an audacious bunch, anyway.

Talking about invading Earth. How audacious.

But they were driven into a corner, themselves.

Forget about them. Chatting with you is more important.

I'm scared of aliens but I feel sorry for them.

You're so kind. Kaorin, you're so kind.

Please go and see them.

Is that your request, Kaorin?

Please, teacher.

I'll go, I will.

Teacher, I'm counting on you.

What the hell. I wish I had a student like her.

Sorry for the wait.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. What's going on here?

You seem to be furious.

A man in a band who can't play any instrument.

An air-headed woman who cries over everything.

She cries a lot, but she's a cutie, isn't she?

-She is. -Shige.

Sorry.

Finally, a middle-aged man, who might understand things.

What's this place?

This is the facility

where we suck in aliens who plan to invade Earth

and persuade them to go home.

-We were sucked in. -I've heard the emitted beam was strong.

We understand.

We understand very well that Earthlings don't want us to invade Earth.

But our home planet has collapsed already.

You told us earlier to go home. We have no home, you know?

Is that so? That's a problem.

We are the only two survivors from the planet Tarpas.

-Don't cry. Don't. -Sorry.

Crying only makes you sadder.

Hold me tight

Osaka Bay Blues

Stop singing.

That's the story. So, could you let us invade Earth?

Well...

What is it?

You two are the only survivors?

I've told you we are.

Then, no reinforcement will come later?

No way.

I see.

I think it's impossible.

-What is? -The invasion.

You're underestimating us, aren't you?

No, I'm not.

Why is it impossible, then?

Only two of you...

Can you make yourselves gigantic?

Make ourselves gigantic? Of course not.

How about special skills, then?

Like emitting beams from your eyes? From these eyes up here?

Can them emit super strong beams?

No, they can't.

No, they can't.

What? What're the big blue scary thingies up there?

These ones.

-They are... What were they? -Don't know.

We were born with them.

Some kind of decoration, I guess?

Decoration? Which means they have no practical use?

No. No need to be useful, anyway.

In that case...

How do you plan to invade Earth?

Look at this.

This can kill you in one shot.

What? Can one shot kill many people?

Are you stupid, man?

No way one shot can kill many people.

Maybe one person.

It's the same as a gun on Earth, then?

What?

Do you have one of these on Earth?

Do you have this on Earth as well?

There are too many to count.

-Bro... -Ordinary people carry them

in some countries, though not in Japan.

-What? -Bro...

He's lying, this guy.

-Yeah. -That's a lie. Lie.

You can't lie to us.

I don't care if you don't believe me.

If that's true,

we'll have a physical fight.

With the two of you?

-We'll attack you. -Please don't, okay?

We can't stop after we've come all this way.

That's what everyone says, but you'd better not.

That's none of your business.

To tell you the truth,

you'll be killed at the very moment you land on Earth.

You could even be shot down while you're flying the spaceship.

How?

By something like a missile.

-Missile? -Missile?

We have weapons

several thousand times more powerful than this.

No...

I will bounce it back with my power.

That's my bro.

Bro is serious. I haven't seen him get this serious in a long time.

Give it up!

Stand up!

Stand up, you two!

Stand up.

Come here, stand side by side.

-Why? -I told you to come here.

-Stand, side by side. -Yes.

Come here, you too.

-Hey. Stand still. -Yes.

I'm telling you this,

not because I don't want you to invade Earth.

But because I don't want you to die.

If your planet hadn't perished

and you had advanced weapons,

or your bodies had attack abilities,

then you could've been a threat to Earth. Or, perhaps, you could have invaded Earth.

But...

That's impossible for you.

Can't you see? It's definitely impossible for you two.

Some kids roaming around Shibuya could be stronger than you guys.

About 90% of black men could beat you up.

Your blood will be all over you. Do you understand?

You'll be vanquished.

-You'll see nirvana. -Nirvana?

You don't have a place to go back to, right?

But you traveled this far, and tried your best.

If you keep traveling a bit more,

I'm sure you'll find a planet where disgusting-looking creatures like you

can live without difficulty.

I myself didn't believe in aliens before, but they do exist.

Which means there are many more in this universe.

In fact, a few aliens have come here.

But even if you find other planets,

don't you ever think about invading them.

What do you say?

-Yes. -It's impossible.

-Impossible. Got it? -Yes.

-Impossible for you, okay? -Yes.

Just blend in, okay?

Land silently and live discretely.

Everyone there will be disgusting too.

You'd be okay. Understand?

-Yes. -What did you say?

-Yes. -Can't hear you.

-Yes! -Good.

-Now, I'm gonna slap you. -Why?

-Why? -Clench your teeth.

Why? Hey.

Are you frustrated?

Frustrated because you can't beat Earthlings?

-Yes, I am. -Frustrated, eh?

Sad, because you're weak despite your scary appearance, right?

Yes, I'm sad.

But you don't have to get strong. Stay as you are.

-Why did you slap us, then? -Go traveling.

Yes.

To a planet where you disgusting guys can live without any difficulty.

Yes.

Can I call you Bro from now on?

-No. -Why?

I'm a teacher.

I'll call you Teacher, then.

-We'll never see each other again, though. -You don't have to say that, do you?

Mr. Saneyoshi, tomorrow is Sunday.

A salary-man should take a turn on Sundays.

On the contrary, Sundays are harder.

My wife won't let me leave home.

It's a day off, isn't it?

Hey, student. You don't get it.

To a man with a family, weekends are scarier than weekdays.

I just have to work on weekdays, and because I'm a Section Chief,

I have my staff who will do what I say.

But I am a slave at home on weekends.

My wife says,

"You don't do any parenting on weekdays, so you have to do it."

She makes me take care of our kid,

while she spends all day lying in bed, fiddling with her smartphone.

Last Sunday, I took my son to a park in the morning

and came back in the evening, and she was there,

exactly in the same position, fiddling with her phone.

She didn't move even one millimeter.

That's my wife on Sundays.

For that reason, weekends are impossible.

We don't buy your excuse.

I can't because I have many errands especially on weekends.

Take a break from shoe-shining and match-selling at least on weekends.

I have a DVD shoot for "The cutest shoe-shining girl."

Ridiculous.

Why is Luchini not here?

That's it. We could punish him for desertion.

You also deserted to drive your son.

Did you know Mr. Luchini can't play any instruments?

What?

The aliens told me the other day.

What? How could he be a band member, then?

I don't know the details.

Here we are. The moon base.

Oh, my goodness. What're you doing, Luchini?

No way, man, this must be kept absolutely secret.

The Cabinet Office said okay,

they'll wipe their memories on the way back home.

Seriously? They are surprisingly flexible.

They are members of my new band.

They didn't believe me at all when I told them I worked on the moon.

No one believes it? You shouldn't be bringing them here.

Did your former band break up?

It was

sort of a falling-out.

What was the reason?

There were many.

It's because you can't play an instrument, right?

How did you know?

The aliens told me.

Talk about a big mouth.

That's the reason for the falling-out, right?

Even though we worked hard together.

But they suddenly said,

"We don't need you."

That's normal. I can understand them.

So, I put together a new band.

Wonderful. I wanna go to see your gig.

Kaorin, you don't have to be polite.

Seriously?

All right, then. Let's do it, guys.

Yep.

-No instruments? -Don't worry.

We are that kind of band.

What kind of band?

One, two, three, four.

I see.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see.

He said something.

He's playing there.

What's he doing, Luchini? What's his part?

What's his part?

What's your part, Luchini?

Started making sense, though.

He's not a guitarist. What's up?

What's up? Are you okay?

Seriously, what's your part?

What are you looking at? What the hell is your part?

That's a shield. His part is a shield?

He's brandishing the shield, turning around and...

Why is he angry? What's up?

I got what his part is.

Well, how was it?

That was our debut song, Can't Love a Monkfish-Liver-Loving Woman.

Time flies, and the next song will be the last tune.

-The last song is our... -Wait a sec.

Kadokura.

Show me your fingers.

What is it? It's creepy when a man says that.

Shut up and show me.

No wonder your sound was off.

Sorry.

-Did you get the injury at work? -Yeah.

When I put down some heavy packages.

-A drummer should protect his fingers. -I know.

Soeda.

Is it theater? Is this a play?

Play the bass guitar a bit.

Sure.

I can't see your strings.

You're so sharp.

You caught me.

What's bothering you?

The day before yesterday, I noticed for the first time

that a bass guitar has two strings fewer than a lead guitar.

Go ahead and laugh.

Now, I can't see the strings.

Hold on.

Then, you were playing before thinking the number of strings were the same?

-Yeah. -You idiot!

What a way to get slapped.

Your blow is as gutsy as always.

Nobody cares about the number of strings.

If your soul says 10, then play 10 strings.

If it says two, then play two.

-A base guitar has four strings, right? -I know.

I know that,

but now I know the real number of strings, so...

Damn it. Damn it!

-Play by listening to your soul! -Luchini.

I wonder which theater they perform at. The park?

Shimoyama.

Oops, me as well.

You need to kick your habit of using your voice when you're excited.

The voice naturally comes out when my soul is rocking.

Idiot!

What a way of being hit.

This is completely an air band.

Our souls are in the air instruments, including the vocals.

-Yeah, that's right. -He's not bleeding.

And Otaki.

You'll be promoted starting with the next gig.

You'll play the air triangle.

It's yours.

What kind of part is that?

Speak up, speak up. What's wrong?

Why put on an air act now?

Beautiful tears.

This scene's the highlight.

Say something. Don't waste your chance.

All right, let's move on to the next song.

Please listen to

Can't Love a Garlic-Rice-Loving Woman.

One, two, three, four.

I don't feel like listening.

Don't feel like watching them, either.

I'm sure he'll say he won't be able to work

because of this band's gig.

I feel so sorry for him, I almost want to let him go to his gigs.

No, you don't have to feel sorry for guys

who don't put in the effort to learn the instruments.

So, Mr. Saneyoshi and Luchini will be on duty tomorrow, Sunday.

No, I can't. I'm going to Disneyland with my family tomorrow.

I'll be killed if I don't go.

Your wife and son will go there without you if you aren't at home.

That won't happen. Not tomorrow, please.

I'm fed up with your "Not tomorrow, please."

Seriously, not tomorrow. Hey...

Don't walk through the band while they're performing.

Go around them.

Hey, please. Hey.

Seriously. Please.

Hey.

What're you doing?

Luchini, why do you look scared?

-Hey, stop it. -No!

Why'd you talk? Why'd you just talk?

You totally ruined it.