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1
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:03,753
Decoy? Decoy?
2
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,046
I did warn you.
3
00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:06,798
After you threw me off the bike.
4
00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:09,009
So, less a warning than an assignment.
5
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:12,137
God, I've always wanted to
throw him off something. What's it like?
6
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:13,263
Surprisingly easy.
7
00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:14,389
You're easy.
8
00:00:14,472 --> 00:00:19,519
Wait. No, you're whatever's sexually
undesirable due to untrustworthiness.
9
00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:21,938
Like my tennis coach,
who turns out is married.
10
00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:24,691
I don't see the problem.
You still got away from the police.
11
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:27,110
And then got tranqed by
the international jewel thieves
12
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:28,695
we're supposed to be taking down.
13
00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:31,114
Yeah. And they didn't
use the good stuff either.
14
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:34,325
My point is, this is all part of the plan.
15
00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:37,704
Yeah, and… [grunts] …what part of the plan
16
00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:40,707
comes after being chained by our feet
to the ceiling of a sea cave?
17
00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:43,460
The fun part.
18
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,210
-[grunts]
-Ow.
19
00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:26,711
Easy, Lillian Leitzel.
20
00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:29,422
Excuse me for not wanting to die dangling.
21
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:33,885
Oh, yeah. Much better to die swinging
back and forth like a rummy old pinata.
22
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,261
No one's going to die.
23
00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:39,140
But we will drown
if we're not free in a few minutes.
24
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:42,101
So, Zara, what exactly is your plan?
25
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:46,022
Because so far it's… [grunts]
…rob a probably innocent man,
26
00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:48,358
then rob a definitely innocent museum…
27
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:52,403
[grunts] …get tranquilized,
then hang upside down in a cave.
28
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:55,156
The plan's actually too intense
for your aging brain to understand,
29
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,159
but we're waiting on step three of 12.
Fourteen if they have guard dogs.
30
00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,911
Seriously? [grunts]
31
00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:01,496
-Seriously?
-Problem?
32
00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:04,916
"I have a plan, but I can't share it"
is exactly what people say
33
00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:07,502
when they don't have a plan
and hope it all works out.
34
00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:09,963
-Wonder why you know that?
-We all know why I know that.
35
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:13,383
The difference is
I actually have a plan. Trust me.
36
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,468
I don't. You're a loose cannon.
37
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:18,471
-You're kind of also a loose cannon, bud.
-Exactly.
38
00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:21,683
And you can't have two loose cannons
on one ship. They'd smash everything.
39
00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:23,309
Yeah, as opposed to one loose cannon.
40
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:26,646
I feel like "loose cannon"
is never used as a positive.
41
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,481
Really? Because people call me one
all the time.
42
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:31,067
-And you think that's a compliment?
-Obviously.
43
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,403
[chuckles] And now we know
you're not the subtext cannon.
44
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,113
Said the stupid cannon.
45
00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:37,615
New plan, and I can share it.
46
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,285
I'm saving the day. [grunting]
47
00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:42,954
And why does that require you
to be barefoot?
48
00:02:43,037 --> 00:02:44,539
She asked, barely caring.
49
00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:46,958
It's not my feet. It's my shoe.
50
00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:50,545
I made Krieger install an emergency phone
the week I joined the Agency.
51
00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:51,713
Ugh, why?
52
00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:54,507
Because it felt like something
a spy would have. [grunts]
53
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,217
And guess what? It is. [grunts]
54
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,052
-Because I have it. [grunts]
-[line ringing]
55
00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:00,471
[ringing]
56
00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:03,808
Well, you're finally using the shoe phone.
It's about time.
57
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:04,726
Does it stink?
58
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:06,728
Shut up, Krieger. Listen, trace my call.
59
00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:09,147
The moron Interpol agent got us captured.
60
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:12,734
Well, according to your shoe,
you're on an island in Greece.
61
00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:15,820
Ooh. Also according to your shoe,
you're pigeon-toed.
62
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:16,821
We're in Greece?
63
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,823
Jelly. So, anything else?
64
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,742
Organize a rescue, goddamn it.
65
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:21,659
Oh, shit.
66
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,871
Congratulations on your daring robberies.
67
00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:27,332
You have the attention of the Vanguard.
68
00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:32,962
But we only need one new member.
So we will let the tide decide.
69
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,173
I'll be back in an hour.
70
00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:38,426
You forgot to say, "Any questions?"
To which I would say, "Lots."
71
00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:40,637
Like, "Do you wash these chains
between guests?"
72
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:44,057
Because salt water isn't enough
to get them clean.
73
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:46,434
Oh, please.
Salt water works fine on blood.
74
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:49,020
It's rust you gotta worry about.
75
00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:52,690
[Zara vocalizing]
76
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:53,858
[sighs]
77
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:56,361
Damn. Way to go, Zara.
78
00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:57,570
[grunts]
79
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,197
You couldn't have done that earlier?
80
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,032
Like, before I got
this inversion erection.
81
00:04:01,115 --> 00:04:04,202
-I don't think that's a thing.
-Then explain why I have one.
82
00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:06,246
Step three was waiting for them
to leave us alone
83
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,539
so we'd have more time
to infiltrate the facility.
84
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:10,875
[gasps] There was a step three.
85
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,043
No, there wasn't.
86
00:04:12,126 --> 00:04:14,295
She's just doing things
and calling them steps.
87
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:15,546
Says the guy doing nothing.
88
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:18,299
Am I? Or am I on step one
of kicking your ass?
89
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:19,968
Yeah. Still looks like nothing.
90
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:21,636
-Do you want me to get you down?
-[grunts] No.
91
00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:23,930
Like my erection,
I will handle this myself.
92
00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:26,015
Look, our goal is
to take down the Vanguard leader,
93
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,851
but he never leaves
Vanguard's secret island headquarters.
94
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,187
And the only way to get here
was to be recruited.
95
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,439
And now we're locked in
a quickly flooding cave.
96
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,607
Are we?
97
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,442
[gasps] Was that--
98
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,695
-Step four, baby.
-Not a step.
99
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,363
See you after we accomplish the mission.
100
00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:41,823
Not if I see you first.
101
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:45,118
But after I accomplish the mission
with my plan.
102
00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:48,579
-[Zara] Yeah, good luck with that.
-She said, with obvious jealousy.
103
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:53,334
Okay, my plan. My plan.
104
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:57,380
Of which, step one is--
105
00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:01,050
-[squeals]
-[chuckles] Utilize a friendly turtle.
106
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,719
Which takes us to step two.
107
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,721
Thoughts?
108
00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:07,015
I've got good news and bad news, people.
109
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:09,350
[gasps] What about spooky news?
110
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:12,103
-Ooh. You never hear about spooky news.
-Right?
111
00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:13,938
[groans] Tell me the bad news.
112
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:16,357
Well, the good news is
the shoe phone worked great,
113
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,401
and it gives me hope
for my next invention,
114
00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:20,028
the brain parasite phone.
115
00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:21,612
Krieger! The bad news.
116
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:23,239
-The team was captured.
-What?
117
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:26,200
Oh, wait, there's more good news.
They're in Greece.
118
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:27,869
How is that good news?
119
00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,620
Duh. It's olive season.
120
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:32,206
Okay. We have to rescue them.
You're all back on field duty.
121
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:33,791
Aw… [sighs] …okay.
122
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,835
Ugh, I guess I'll get my knives.
123
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:38,212
Wait. How are we gonna get there
on such short notice?
124
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:39,881
You gave away the private plane.
125
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:42,467
I gave away Robert's plane
because we don't need it.
126
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,218
Or him or his stupid money.
127
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:45,845
There are other ways to travel.
128
00:05:46,345 --> 00:05:48,431
-[Cheryl grunting]
-Four to Athens, please.
129
00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,058
No, I don't wanna check my knives.
130
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:53,352
I want to carry them on the plane
like a normal person!
131
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:58,232
Hey, Cyril, they still allow
biological weapons on planes, right?
132
00:05:58,316 --> 00:05:59,650
-What? No!
-[Cheryl grunts]
133
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,402
-Oh, really?
-[Cheryl grunts]
134
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,613
-Well, I'll be right back.
-[Cheryl grunts]
135
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:07,283
I gotta say, Shelly,
136
00:06:07,366 --> 00:06:10,870
for a slow, inevitable death jail,
this sea cave is pretty peaceful.
137
00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,080
[Shelly chirps]
138
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:13,790
But a way out would be nice.
139
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:15,124
[Pavle] Where are the others?
140
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,209
Sharks?
141
00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:18,044
There are no sharks in Greece.
142
00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:21,005
There's sharks in the ocean.
All the oceans are connected.
143
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:22,715
You're telling me
a shark couldn't get to Greece?
144
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:26,052
And get into this particular sea cave?
145
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:27,970
Yeah, you've got a point there. [grunts]
146
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,722
[Pavle grunts]
147
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,058
[sputtering]
148
00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:35,561
Relax, I'm just trying to get your keys.
But if you keep struggling--
149
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:37,480
[sputtering stops]
150
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,564
[chuckles] Hang on.
151
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:41,234
Did you already drown?
It's been, like, 10 seconds.
152
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:42,735
Uh, note to Vanguard,
153
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:45,905
the guy guarding the water jail should
probably have bigger lungs than a canary.
154
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,491
Take care, Shelly.
155
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:50,701
And sorry for killing that guy
in your cave.
156
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:56,415
Vanguard leader, come out to play.
157
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:59,377
Move, asshole. Oh, hey. You didn't drown.
158
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:01,129
And I drowned someone else.
159
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:03,881
It's called going above and beyond, Zara.
160
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,591
Well, we're on step eight.
161
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,635
See this guy's face? Step seven.
162
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:09,720
Well, call me Saul of Tarsus.
163
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:11,681
Why? Are you blinding magicians now?
164
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,850
No, y-- [sighs] I'm a convert.
165
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:15,268
This woman has a plan.
166
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:16,477
She's like you, Archer,
167
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:19,897
if all the chaos and explosions
and deaths were intentional.
168
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,524
Everything I do is intentional.
169
00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:24,193
Remember when I crashed a space shuttle
and Ray was paralyzed?
170
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,987
-Vaguely.
-Exactly.
171
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,071
Exactly what?
172
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,157
-He's even better now.
-Says who?
173
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,992
Well, if you're not,
you should have said something.
174
00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:33,661
I complain literally all the time.
175
00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:36,038
Anyway, I'm gonna keep going on
with the mission.
176
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,206
-[grunts]
-[grunts]
177
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:42,795
Tell me where your boss is,
or I will give you a bright idea.
178
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,548
Because of the light bulb
in his brain. Nice.
179
00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:47,008
[groans] What boss?
180
00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:50,636
Your boss. The leader of the Vanguard.
181
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,889
The Vanguard has no leader.
182
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:55,933
[laughs] What step is learning
your plan doesn't work?
183
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,645
But obviously,
this is bad for the mission.
184
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,192
Uh, getting dark in here.
185
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:06,486
-Yeah, in two ways.
-[guard coughs, breathes heavily]
186
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:08,654
What do you mean
the Vanguard has no leader?
187
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:10,615
We're nonhierarchical.
188
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:11,991
Everyone is the leader.
189
00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:15,661
To wipe out the Vanguard,
you have to kill all 61 members.
190
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:18,456
Technically, 60.
I accidentally drowned a guy.
191
00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:20,833
Maybe you know him?
Bald. Lungs like a baby bird.
192
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:23,169
-[groans]
-[grunts, groans]
193
00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:26,172
-[grunts]
-Damn. And damn.
194
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:28,716
-Fifty-nine. So, we're tied.
-Not for long.
195
00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:29,926
It's not a contest.
196
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,845
But it could be.
We've got a lot of Vanguard to take out.
197
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,515
And an odd number,
you know, to avoid ties.
198
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:38,601
Yeah, 'cause that's the most important
thing in a murder contest.
199
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:40,520
The murders were accidents, Ray.
200
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:43,314
-This will be more like--
-A concussion contest.
201
00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:45,733
Exactly, but never
finish my sentence again.
202
00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:46,692
It's on.
203
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:49,779
Whoever knocks out the most guards
is officially the loosest cannon.
204
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,781
-Loser is--
-A normal lady cannon.
205
00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:53,533
If that's the label you prefer.
206
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,076
[breathes heavily]
207
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:56,994
Huh. Wait, you're okay?
208
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:59,205
-[Zara grunts]
-[Pavle groaning]
209
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:01,165
Nope. So that's two me, and--
210
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,583
All the rest, me.
211
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:05,336
Oh, good. Another mission based on spite.
212
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:06,671
I know.
213
00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:08,673
Wait, was that sarcasm?
214
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:09,757
[Lana] I'm thrilled.
215
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:13,094
A rescue mission on a commercial plane
with checked guns
216
00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:16,138
to save agents who failed to accomplish
our first mission for Interpol,
217
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,975
thus putting the entire future
of this agency in jeopardy.
218
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:22,311
Also, the moron in front of me
leaned his seat all the way back.
219
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,398
Hey. I'm just exercising
my right to recline.
220
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:27,024
And your right to suck.
221
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:28,776
I am calling the flight attendant.
222
00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:31,362
Fine, go crying to your sky mom.
223
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:32,905
I just wanted to do things differently.
224
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,574
You know,
be the steady hand in the office.
225
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,326
But instead, here I am, first mission
in charge, back in the field.
226
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,452
Maybe… [stammers] …I can't leave.
227
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:39,996
I mean, Archer doesn't work well
on his own.
228
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,872
-[inhales deeply] Are you okay?
-No.
229
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:44,166
My submarine has bigger seats than this.
230
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,836
I asked you to charter us a private plane.
231
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:49,338
And I thought flying commercial
would be funny.
232
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,257
They actually give you peanuts.
233
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,426
I thought that was
some kind of weird joke.
234
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:57,096
Five perfectly good bioweapons
thrown in a public trash can.
235
00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:59,849
They should be in a terrorist trash can!
236
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,518
Stop saying those words on a plane.
237
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:06,230
Sir, I'm gonna need you to come with me
to the back of the plane.
238
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,024
Ooh. Upgrade.
239
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:10,318
[grunting]
240
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:12,987
-I'll save your peanuts for later.
-[grunts]
241
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,032
-[grunts]
-[grunts]
242
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,159
Oh. I'm sorry.
Were you gonna knock him out?
243
00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:19,577
No. [grunts]
244
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:21,537
I was going to knock him out.
245
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,331
So, you won't mind if I go after--
246
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:26,000
[grunts, groans]
247
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:28,461
The slowest, sickest guard
on some future mission?
248
00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:29,545
Not at all.
249
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:34,717
You know, in a weird, accidental way,
they're kind of a good team.
250
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,469
[guards grunting]
251
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,346
[Archer grunts]
252
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:40,514
[grunts]
253
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:41,682
[grunts]
254
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:43,184
[grunts]
255
00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,019
-[groans]
-[groans]
256
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:46,771
[groans]
257
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:50,399
Yeah, they're a regular
Farrell and Balanchine.
258
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,693
Yeah, including the awkward age gap.
259
00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:55,112
-[Zara, Archer grunt]
-Call it a tie?
260
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,990
Hey, he was already unconscious.
261
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,950
And excessive force is the tiebreaker.
262
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:01,786
Point, Archer, which means--
263
00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:05,665
I'm winning.
264
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:08,542
Damn. You guys have a cafeteria?
265
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,879
[sighs] We have to pay for our meals.
266
00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:16,675
I'm just saying, if the choice was between
eating this meal and the plane crashing,
267
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,677
I would choose the plane crash.
268
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:22,515
The chicken is very good.
My compliments to the chef.
269
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:25,059
Any chance the captain
could speed this flight up?
270
00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:26,394
We're in a bit of a rush.
271
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:30,439
Maybe stepping up to run the Agency
was the wrong move.
272
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,775
I mean, I thought being in the office
would be better for AJ,
273
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:34,902
but not if I end up in the field
every mission and--
274
00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:37,071
-Cheryl, I need you to stop.
-[screams]
275
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:39,990
I need more room.
This is like a plane for bugs.
276
00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:44,161
Ma'am, just a reminder that the captain
has turned on the fasten seat belt sign.
277
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,497
Just a reminder that I don't care.
278
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:48,582
Ma'am, I need you to calm down.
279
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,085
You are alarming… [chuckles softly]
…the other passengers.
280
00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:53,337
Well, they should be alarmed,
because I'm gonna buy this plane
281
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:56,048
and crash it into the ground
where all the other poor people live.
282
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:59,051
The sky is for the rich, you fucking bugs!
283
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,720
[grunts, muffled shouting]
284
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:05,558
-[people in cafeteria clamoring]
-[guards grunting, groaning]
285
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:07,893
[grunting]
286
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:09,562
[grunts]
287
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,313
[grunting]
288
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,232
-[sighs] Twenty-five.
-[guards grunting]
289
00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:14,692
-Twenty-one.
-[guards grunting]
290
00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:16,527
Twenty-six and twenty-seven.
291
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:17,987
Ugh. Twenty-one again.
292
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,990
-[grunts] Get your own.
-[grunting]
293
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:22,867
I'm not the one
who needs to lay off the carbs.
294
00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:23,826
[grunts]
295
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:25,995
[grunts] Whoa. Now we're body-shaming?
296
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:29,165
-Call it "body constructive criticism."
-[both straining]
297
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,167
Same side, assholes.
298
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:33,335
-[groans]
-[grunting]
299
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,753
-Pam, stop.
-What?
300
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,255
We need an odd number of guards.
301
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:38,340
If you knock one out,
Zara and I might tie.
302
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,842
Come on. Seriously?
303
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:42,511
[alarm blaring]
304
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,973
Hey, uh, before we do this, one question.
305
00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:47,766
Is anyone out sick today?
306
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:54,523
What is happening? We landed an hour ago.
307
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:55,649
Excuse me.
308
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:59,612
Lana, we're not supposed to take off
our seat belts until we're at the gate.
309
00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:02,573
And the gate is right there.
Do they not know this is a rescue mission?
310
00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:05,534
On a commercial flight?
Oh. How would they not?
311
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:06,452
Are they leaving?
312
00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:08,621
Hey, hey!
313
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:10,539
You have a plane full of people here!
314
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,083
Ma'am? It's not yet safe to stand.
315
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:15,169
Oh, not safe? Why?
316
00:13:15,252 --> 00:13:16,462
Are we in danger of running into
317
00:13:16,545 --> 00:13:19,048
one of the zero employees
currently helping out there?
318
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,884
-Ma'am--
-Oh, do not "ma'am" me.
319
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:25,846
I have jumped out of planes over war zones
with a parachute made from a negligee.
320
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:29,391
I think I'll be fine crossing the tarmac
at Baklava International Airport.
321
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:30,976
Don't you dare come at me with that duc--
322
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,395
-[taser buzzing]
-[straining]
323
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,857
-[grunting]
-[grunting]
324
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:39,818
[chuckles] Will you look at that?
An eye massager.
325
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:41,487
What will they think of next?
326
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:43,739
[yelps]
327
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,203
-[guards grunting]
-[grunts]
328
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:50,704
[grunts, groans]
329
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:52,164
How many is that?
330
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:55,834
Uh, little busy avoiding death
and not being able to fight back.
331
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,711
-Well, I count 30.
-[gunfire]
332
00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,880
[grunts] Same.
333
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,550
Ah. Damn it.
334
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,218
[grunting]
335
00:14:04,718 --> 00:14:07,304
-Seriously?
-That face belongs to my fist.
336
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:09,265
-Uh, I could also just leave.
-No!
337
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:11,433
[both grunting, groaning]
338
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:17,273
Fifty on Archer, but 20 on Zara
to break one of his arms.
339
00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,775
[scoffs] Who puts olives in lasagna?
340
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:20,860
They are in season.
341
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,406
-[grunts]
-[gunshot]
342
00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:26,407
Enough.
343
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:30,160
Uh, can whatever this is wait until
I, uh, knock out this terrified man?
344
00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:31,495
I'm afraid not.
345
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:34,456
I'm the warden, leader of the Vanguard.
346
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:35,833
-What?
-[groans]
347
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,043
Sorry, it's not you.
348
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,754
It's just, now there is an even number.
349
00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:47,469
Look at us, tied with our own zips.
350
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:51,181
Ugh, don't remind me of the tie.
It's 30 to 30.
351
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,517
Is that seriously
what you're thinking about right now?
352
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,311
I mean, yes.
353
00:14:55,394 --> 00:15:00,107
You know, I'm beginning to think
you're not aspiring new recruits.
354
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:02,151
We are. Uh, but she's a spy.
355
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:03,986
[scoffs] We're all spies.
356
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:05,321
Is this still part of your plan?
357
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,531
"Plan" in massive air quotes.
358
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:10,326
Pretty sure y'all's little competition
derailed the plan.
359
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,912
-Or did it?
-It did. I derailed you.
360
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,414
Ha! So, you admit
there was a plan to derail?
361
00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:17,458
No… [stammers] …shit. Hang on, I--
362
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:18,959
-[gunshot]
-[groans]
363
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,628
Do I have your attention?
364
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:21,712
Not really, no.
365
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:22,922
-[gunshot]
-[screams]
366
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:25,591
Have you ever heard that
you catch more flies with honey?
367
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,676
-[gunshot]
-[groans] Right in the same hole.
368
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,511
[coughs] Probably just luck.
369
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:32,139
-[gunshot]
-[groans, coughs] It's not luck.
370
00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:34,433
Same hole again. This guy's good.
371
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:36,518
Okay, you have his attention.
372
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:39,063
Still can't believe
you're not nonhierarchical.
373
00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:41,106
A lie for my protection.
374
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:45,486
If no one believes there's a leader,
there's no leader to find.
375
00:15:45,569 --> 00:15:47,404
But you know,
someone has to write the checks
376
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,031
and decide which holidays to take off.
377
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:50,783
Oh, we've got someone like that.
378
00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:54,578
She's, uh, new at the job, but I feel
confident saying she's bad at it.
379
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:59,416
It's certainly not going to help
that she's lost an entire team.
380
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,752
Wh-Wh-What? What? What? What?
381
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:04,380
Why tie us up if you're just
gonna shoot us right away?
382
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,882
Why give 60 men concussions?
383
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,927
You have your process, and I have mine.
384
00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:12,304
Wait. Are you really
the leader of the Vanguard?
385
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:15,099
-Yes.
-But really? Really, really?
386
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:16,850
-[sighs] Yes.
-Great.
387
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:17,768
-[gunshot]
-[grunts]
388
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:19,561
W-What the hell just happened?
389
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,605
-[gasps] Is that--
-[Zara] Step 12.
390
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:24,400
Archer has a shoe phone.
I have a shoe gun.
391
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:25,651
Seems more useful.
392
00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:29,446
Oh, also, that's 31 to 30, so I win.
393
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:30,823
Step 12?
394
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,909
I thought we were still on step nine.
395
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,954
Zara, I'm gonna tell you
what I told the dry cleaner
396
00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:39,248
who got yuzu off my yukata.
397
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:40,457
You might be a genius.
398
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:41,667
Yeah, you might.
399
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,127
-[alarm blaring]
-[automated message] Warden down.
400
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:46,880
Vanguard base to self-destruct
in five minutes.
401
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:49,842
The base explodes if the warden dies?
402
00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:53,220
Does the new leader
have to build a completely new base?
403
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:56,473
I'm a little more concerned about
how we're all tied to chairs
404
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,517
in a building that's about to explode.
405
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,853
So, genius, what part of the plan is this?
406
00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:03,856
Technically, the plan only went up to
killing the leader of the Vanguard.
407
00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:07,317
So, I guess the plan is
to blow up in five minutes.
408
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:08,444
New plan. [strains]
409
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:11,280
Hope that the shoe phones
are waterproof. [strains]
410
00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:13,907
Archer?
411
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:17,119
You'll have to speak up.
I'm calling on a long-distance shoe.
412
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:18,537
[Lana] We'll be there in five minutes.
413
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:21,331
[Krieger] Although, full disclosure,
the airline lost our bags,
414
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,084
so we don't have
any weapons or beach clothes.
415
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:27,421
Uh, additional full disclosure,
we're blowing up in four minutes.
416
00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:29,715
-What?
-Okay, tell them we have one knife.
417
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,216
Oh. Where did you get that?
418
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,342
Uh, I brought it.
419
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:34,595
-On the plane?
-It's ceramic.
420
00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:38,724
[Archer] Lana, in case we explode,
I want you to know, I never respected--
421
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:40,392
-[line disconnects]
-Archer? Archer?
422
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:41,727
Battery must be dead.
423
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:45,355
I told him I could've fit more batteries
in a kitten heel.
424
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:50,027
On the bright side, now that we're
tied to chairs instead of a cave ceiling,
425
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:53,030
I can move close enough to do this.
426
00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,574
[scoffs] Do what? Kick the air near me?
427
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:56,950
You know that wasn't my intent.
428
00:17:57,034 --> 00:18:00,204
Fight toward an exit.
We've got three minutes.
429
00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:01,371
[sighs]
430
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:02,998
All you'd have to do is sit here,
431
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:06,460
and you'd never have to
deal with any of them ever again.
432
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,340
And miss all that good TV? No.
433
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:14,468
[grunts]
434
00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:17,304
-[grunts]
-[straining, grunting]
435
00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:19,389
[all grunting]
436
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,021
[grunts]
437
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:29,942
[grunting]
438
00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:34,655
-[grunting]
-Ow! [grunting]
439
00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:37,157
Just let me go first.
440
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,785
-[grunts] I'd rather die.
-You're about to.
441
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,787
You don't know my explosion tolerance.
442
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:43,539
Grudge later, you dicks.
443
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,836
Oh, thank God.
I'm so glad to see you. [grunts]
444
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:51,004
-[screams, grunts]
-[grunts]
445
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:53,590
Thirty-one! We tied!
446
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,803
[sighs] Thank God. We're not too late.
447
00:18:57,886 --> 00:18:59,138
-[explosion]
-[gasps]
448
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:02,474
Not too late for what? S'mores?
449
00:19:03,016 --> 00:19:04,101
[Cyril] Oh, my God.
450
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:06,436
They're-- They're gone.
451
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,188
They're-- They're really gone.
452
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:10,524
If we can find even a shred of DNA,
453
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:14,069
I can bring them back
in the bodies of dogs.
454
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:17,698
Any dogs you want.
Collies, Labradors, pugs.
455
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:19,032
Look!
456
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,295
How do I keep forgetting I can do that?
457
00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:34,047
Because you don't want to admit
to yourself that you're an abomination?
458
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:35,215
Oh, there it is.
459
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:37,968
-Lana Kane.
-Zara Khan.
460
00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:41,346
So, the leader of the Vanguard is dead.
Their facility is destroyed.
461
00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:44,099
I believe Interpol would consider that
a mission accomplished.
462
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,517
Congratulations.
463
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:48,478
And better luck next time, Lady Cannon.
464
00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,772
Uh, more like same luck this time.
465
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:53,066
I got the final guard on the way out,
which means we tied.
466
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:54,985
-What do you say to that?
-Step 5-B.
467
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:58,614
Provide a metaphorical fig leaf
for your limp, wilting ego.
468
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:01,408
[gasps] There were sub-steps?
469
00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:03,285
There were sub-steps.
470
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:05,412
Uh, what's happening on this mission?
471
00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:08,040
A commercial airline
made a powerful enemy.
472
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:11,418
Your attitude was tanking the mission,
so I gave you a goal to get you in line.
473
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:13,045
It's not a contest.
474
00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:14,630
But it could be.
475
00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:16,965
You thought you were proving
you were a loose cannon.
476
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:19,718
I had you tied down the whole time.
477
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:20,802
No, that's-- I--
478
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,512
This doesn't make you the loose cannon.
479
00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:27,142
Oh, I'm not a loose cannon.
I'm more a shotgun filled with scalpels.
480
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,393
Ooh, I'm getting one of those.
481
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,812
How have I not made one of those?
482
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:33,899
Hmm. Maybe I don't need to
go back in the field after all.
483
00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:35,651
How would you like a new job?
484
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,736
Would I have to relocate?
I'm based in Europe.
485
00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:38,820
Oh, uh--
486
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:41,156
And if I do relocate,
is there a moving stipend?
487
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,699
Also, am I under a fixed contract?
488
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:44,326
Who deals with my immigration status?
489
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:46,245
And if I quit,
do I get to keep the stipend?
490
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:47,955
Uh, I'm sure that we can do, um--
491
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:50,290
No. I'm fucking with you.
492
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:51,875
I've been looking for a new challenge,
493
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:54,211
and you seem like a better boss
than those Interpol pricks.
494
00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:56,880
But I want what Archer makes, plus $1.
495
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:58,423
[gasps] On what basis?
496
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,550
On the basis that
I was the best at Interpol.
497
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:02,886
I'll be the best at whatever you guys are.
498
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,388
Deal. You are hired.
499
00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:05,430
What?
500
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,683
You know, I sort of liked
flying commercial.
501
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:09,685
There was more bondage than I expected.
502
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:10,936
What just happened?
503
00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:15,274
I think you just got a new partner
who technically makes more than you.
504
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:16,525
[scoffs] Like I care.
505
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:18,277
Cyril, do you think she knows
I don't care?
506
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:21,530
-I don't know.
-Well, she needs to, because I don't.
507
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:25,325
Zara? Zara?
508
00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:27,786
Zara?
36834
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