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1
00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:10,343
[Pam] Aw, come on!
2
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:14,014
Clock your skinny ass out already,
and let's go get outside some drinks!
3
00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,265
Ugh, I can't!
4
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:18,393
I have to cover her stupid
phone in case those stupid
5
00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:21,646
pirates call with a stupid
ransom demand for Mr. Stupid Archer!
6
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:24,149
[Malory] Carol? Carol! Have they called?
7
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,651
No! Ma'am!
8
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:29,988
But rest assured I'll let you know
the minute they do!
9
00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:30,905
[Malory] Rest?
10
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,907
My God, who can rest…
11
00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:34,284
Not me, apparently.
12
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:35,410
Or me!
13
00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:38,663
I have to re-do the annual
budget because she's blowing it all
14
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:41,416
on this so-called rescue of Archer!
15
00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:44,502
Well his plane did crash,
and the distress signal was
16
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:47,672
last heard coming from a known
pirate fortress, so…
17
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:48,715
So?
18
00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:52,135
That doesn't mean Ray and Lana
have to bankrupt ISIS getting there!
19
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:53,595
[Ray] Oh, would you relax?
20
00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,430
You rent a boat, that money's gone.
21
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,725
This way, we can sell it when we're done.
I bet it'll come out cheaper.
22
00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:00,810
I wasn't talking about the boat.
23
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,229
I think five grand
for the week was a steal.
24
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,732
Look at him, he is lithe.
25
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:08,276
So a twink escort your rent, but--
26
00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:09,444
That's different!
27
00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:12,489
I mean, they did ask if I wanted
to actually buy him, but I thought…
28
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,824
-What, that I'd be weird about it?
-[Ray] I--
29
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,118
That I, perhaps due to my race,
might have a problem
30
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:19,496
with the concept of owning a human being?
31
00:01:19,996 --> 00:01:21,915
I actually just
thought I'd get tired of him.
32
00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:24,209
You? Mr. Can't Even Commit To A Pet?
33
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:26,169
Yeah, hi, two cats!
34
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:29,005
One of whom I think has FIP, so…
35
00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:30,173
commit that.
36
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,550
You know how hard I worked on this budget?
37
00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:36,763
Nights, weekends, canceled my vacation,
and now it's all wasted!
38
00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:39,849
Wasted, exactly, let's go be that!
39
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:43,353
C'mon, happy hour at Pita Margarita's!
40
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,231
Is that what it sounds like?
41
00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:49,692
Only if it sounds like a shitload
of tequila and some A-rab hoagies.
42
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,277
[Malory] How dare you?
43
00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:52,654
Arab, sorry.
44
00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:56,658
Oh shut up, how can you even think
about happy hour at a time like this?
45
00:01:57,659 --> 00:02:02,664
When probably as we speak, my poor
Sterling is being tortured by pirates!
46
00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:04,124
-I wish…
-What?
47
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,708
Wish you wouldn't say that!
48
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,336
Because I'm sure he's not being tortured.
49
00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:12,382
[Archer screaming]
50
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:18,096
Oh my God, stop, stop, stop,
seriously I can't take anymore!
51
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:24,060
Whew! That was insane,
I never even heard of that position!
52
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,354
Did the missionaries
not swing by here, or…
53
00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:28,439
Excuse me? Sorry, pirate-king Archer?
54
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:30,066
What! Noah!
55
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,485
Ready for the uh, morning briefing?
56
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:35,113
Noah, I'm half drunk and slathered in…
57
00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:37,073
every bodily fluid there is.
58
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,535
So yeah, this is about as
pirate king-y as I'm gonna get.
59
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,871
-Brief away!
-Okay, item one! The--
60
00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:43,997
Noah.
61
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,165
Yes, sir?
62
00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:47,000
Good morning.
63
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,168
[theme music playing]
64
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:27,123
[Noah] Okay. Item one.
The huge morale problem.
65
00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:29,792
-[Archer] How do we have a morale problem?
-Well, first of all--
66
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,586
C'mon, karaoke night's a big hit…
67
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,922
[singing in foreign language]
68
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,761
Whoo!
69
00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:41,721
We have an awesome feast every night…
70
00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:43,890
Whoo!
71
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,226
Not to mention intramural lacrosse!
72
00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:49,604
Whoo!
73
00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:53,441
Whoo! Whoo!
74
00:03:53,524 --> 00:03:54,734
[laughs]
75
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,277
So how can they have low morale?
76
00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:59,614
Well um, besides all of those things,
they haven't been paid.
77
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:02,075
So pay 'em, what do you need,
new payroll software?
78
00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:03,701
Cyril always handled all that stuff.
79
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:06,579
Payroll, budgets,
he's a genius at that crap…
80
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:09,082
Just find the money, Cyril!
81
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,417
You're an accounting genius, Cyril!
82
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,461
That's right, you bitch.
83
00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:14,462
I said it.
84
00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:18,466
So good luck finding all these
Swiss accounts!
85
00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:21,970
[laughing maniacally]
86
00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:23,888
-[Pam] What ya doin?
-[gasps]
87
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,391
Hey, Pam…
88
00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:27,600
No, no, we don't need--
89
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:30,311
And dealing with disgruntled employees,
Pam's great at that…
90
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,146
Is that internet porn?
91
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:33,481
Uh, yep.
92
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:36,192
Just, um… just jacking it.
93
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,945
Can I watch? [slurping]
94
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:40,822
Or is that weird?
95
00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:43,157
Uh, it's… kinda weird.
96
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:44,534
Is it?
97
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:47,203
Mmm, yes.
98
00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:50,164
I think it's because
she's such a good listener.
99
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:51,249
And she sounds lovely.
100
00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,918
But you don't need an HR rep
and payroll software--
101
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,878
-Couldn't hurt…
-Sir! Please!
102
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,339
Pirates work for shares,
and since you became pirate king
103
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:00,591
there hasn't been any booty, so--
104
00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:03,052
Gonna have to go ahead
and disagree with you there, buddy.
105
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,304
From pirated ships.
106
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:07,682
-Oh. I thought you meant from the--
-Native girls, right. No.
107
00:05:07,765 --> 00:05:09,809
Sorry, I don't know
all the pirate terms yet.
108
00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:11,352
Well, that's a common one.
109
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,187
I'm new to all of this, all right?
110
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:17,400
Especially the actual,
you know, piracy part…
111
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:20,278
It's not really what I expected.
112
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,739
Dammit, I said get over there!
113
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:26,284
For the zillionth time,
nobody is raping anybody!
114
00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:27,827
Actually no, you know what?
115
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:30,204
Now nobody gets anything,
because I'm letting him go!
116
00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:31,205
[all grumbling]
117
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,624
Shut up! He's a small business owner!
118
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,793
If he loses his ship, he'll be ruined!
119
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,045
You can go.
120
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,756
Ooh, but can we get about 50 pounds
of tuna steaks?
121
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,592
-Which you let him talk you down to 20.
-Well?
122
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:44,552
You know what kinda margins
those guys work on?
123
00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:46,846
-I actually don't…
-Well, nice Ph.D.!
124
00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:48,389
My field's anthropology.
125
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:51,017
And I'm actually
just a doctoral candidate.
126
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:54,145
Or I was, until these guys captured
my research vessel and enslaved me…
127
00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:55,354
Ugh, not this again…
128
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:58,357
So I was thinking, if you freed me…
129
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:01,694
You're my translator, I need you.
That's why I made you first mate.
130
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,905
Which also went over pretty badly.
131
00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:07,742
Yeah, people hate you so let's just put
a pin in the whole… menu mission thing.
132
00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:10,244
-But--
-Noah! Morale's low enough as it is.
133
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,997
And I bet I know who's to blame!
134
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:14,582
No kidding…
135
00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:17,835
I'm not kidding, this Archer guy's gonna
get you all killed. He--
136
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:18,878
[Archer] Riley!
137
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,714
Archer, what a coincidence.
I was just talking about you.
138
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,675
With who? Cause that bucktooth
little shit doesn't even speak English!
139
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:26,552
-I do little bit--
-No you don't.
140
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,972
And correct syntax is "with whom!"
141
00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:33,684
Man, that is not gonna help morale.
142
00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:36,187
Yeah, Bucky's an incorrigible gossip.
143
00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:39,065
Who-- to whom you are forbidden to speak!
144
00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:41,484
I locked you down here so you
couldn't contact my mother,
145
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:43,569
not so you could, whatever,
sow disharmony!
146
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,780
You're sowing plenty all by yourself.
147
00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:48,241
Face it kid,
you're a bust as a pirate king.
148
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:51,994
King, exactly! And unless you want
to spend the rest of the afternoon with
149
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,747
a bunch of scorpions, don't forget it!
150
00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:57,125
And remember, this is a rescue mission.
151
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:58,209
I heard you.
152
00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:01,963
So don't charge in there all crazy,
machine-gunning everything in sight.
153
00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:02,964
When have I--
154
00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:06,300
I'm sure you'd love it if Sterling
were killed in some huge cross fire.
155
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,427
Wh-- No I wouldn't…
156
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:13,724
Just try to control all your jealousy
and, ugh, sexual frustration.
157
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:17,437
-Oh, no, you're breaking up.
-[Malory] Lana.
158
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,857
I mean, am I jealous because Archer
gets preferential treatment?
159
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:24,110
Yes. But, ha! Am I still attracted to him?
160
00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:26,237
-I mean, come on.
-Is a pig's ass pork?
161
00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:30,158
I'm sorry, did you wanna hear
what I think, or just what you wanna hear?
162
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:34,245
[exhales]
He asked, pretty sarcastically.
163
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:42,420
[Bucky speaking Malay] The fifth king!
The fifth king!
164
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,508
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Bucky! What is this?
165
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,927
[Bucky] We hold erections for king!
166
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:52,680
Well, flattering, not really necessary…
167
00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:54,098
He means elections.
168
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,142
Okay, that makes more-- Wait. What?
169
00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:57,727
Time for new king!
170
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,145
[Bucky speaking Malay] The new king!
171
00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:00,188
[pirates grumbling]
172
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:02,523
Okay, pirates! Hey! Take a knee!
173
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:04,942
-Noah, You wanna…
-That won't translate.
174
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:08,738
It's like last week when you said "lend me
your ears" and they were like "what?"
175
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:11,032
-Damn it--
-I can't do idioms.
176
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:12,116
Shut up.
177
00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:15,912
Then unshut up, and tell them
I understand their frustration…
178
00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:17,288
Do you?
179
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:19,415
[Noah speaking Malay] I understand
you all.
180
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,209
But you don't change horses in mid--
181
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:22,835
-Idiom, idiom.
-Right.
182
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,088
Now is not the time for a new king!
183
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:29,217
[Noah speaking Malay] There is no
new king for now.
184
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,968
Because the king is strong!
185
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:32,887
[Noah speaking Malay] The strong king!
186
00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:34,764
If you so strong…
187
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:35,973
King-fight!
188
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,767
[pirates] Yeah! King-fight!
189
00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:39,769
What's King-fight!?
190
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:40,978
Oh, king-fight.
191
00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:44,774
If the king loses to a challenger
in one-on-one combat, he has to step down.
192
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:46,984
-Or just be dead.
-Since when?
193
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:49,070
Oh, since 19… always.
194
00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:51,489
Did you not read
the orientation materials?
195
00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:55,034
Whoo! [laughs]
196
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,869
More skimmed it?
197
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:57,912
Enough talk!
198
00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,539
King-fight!
199
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:02,583
Okay Bucky, we'll King-fight…
200
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,503
-Oh, one thing--
-Noah shut up and translate.
201
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:08,047
-I accept your challenge!
-Okay
202
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:09,715
[speaks Malay] Challenge accepted!
203
00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:14,178
Because your mouth's
been writing checks your butt can't cash.
204
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:17,723
You-- [sighs]
Do you even know what an idiom is?
205
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:20,142
-Colloquial metaphor.
-No, it's--
206
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:23,187
well, actually yes,
but I really think this is a bad idea.
207
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:26,899
I'm not remunerating you to think, Noah!
Even if you weren't a slave.
208
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:31,195
And your three-fifths of an opinion
is noted, so-- Oh, sweet Jesus Jones!
209
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,864
[roaring]
210
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:37,285
See, Bucky doesn't have
to fight you himself.
211
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:40,121
-He can choose a stand-in.
-Who is… huge!
212
00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:43,124
-That's what I was--
-Why didn't he come out for lacrosse?
213
00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:45,376
You lucky I don't let him!
214
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:46,586
Let him?
215
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,296
Oh, he's Bucky's girlfriend.
216
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:49,880
[roaring]
217
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,675
Way to eschew
traditional gender roles, pirates.
218
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,385
I know, they're fascinating…
219
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:57,054
[Bucky] Now we king-fight!
220
00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:00,016
And then we see who is
bucktooth little shit!
221
00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:01,601
It'll still be you.
222
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:04,186
-Listen--
-[roaring]
223
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,023
King-fight!
224
00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,233
[pirates chanting] King-fight!
225
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,652
Hey, maybe there's a way
to make some money on this.
226
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:12,695
Bet on me.
227
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:16,073
I would, but who'd bet on--
wait, don't you have that backwards?
228
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,199
[Lana] No.
229
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,659
Because you know what I bet?
230
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,703
[Ray] I bet I know you're gonna tell me…
231
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,747
I bet after we Zodiac in past the reef,
232
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:25,333
take out at least one O.P.,
make our way through a jungle
233
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:28,836
full of Claymores, neutralize the fortress
garrison, and finally extract that
234
00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:31,422
kidnapped-gettin ass son of a bitch,
he's gonna be all like--
235
00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:32,882
Whoo!
236
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,425
[whoops mockingly]
237
00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:38,471
Like this whole thing was all just part
of some dumbshit master plan.
238
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:41,807
[Ray] She said, trying to convince herself
that she no longer ached for his--
239
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:42,892
Ow!
240
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:44,727
I'm sorry, what were you gonna say?
241
00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:46,103
Cock.
242
00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:47,396
Suck it!
243
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,898
Because I'm still the king!
244
00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:51,525
This no fair! You break the rules!
245
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,569
What rules? We're pirates!
246
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,822
King-fight mean hand-hand combat!
No guns.
247
00:10:56,906 --> 00:11:00,326
Oh, boo-hoo, show me.
Show me where it says that.
248
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,038
Take your time. I'm hourly.
249
00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:06,666
I know it's in here somewhere…
250
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:12,463
Damn it! Okay, maybe it don't say
this exact words, but everybody knows.
251
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,215
Nope!
252
00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:16,425
Fair is-- Well it wasn't exactly fair,
253
00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:18,636
but since it wasn't expressly forbidden…
254
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:20,054
tough titties!
255
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,307
Wow, I never realized how much
we rely idioms.
256
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:26,227
-You win this round, Archer!
-Duh.
257
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,145
But every dog has its day!
258
00:11:28,312 --> 00:11:29,772
See? Idiom.
259
00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:32,483
And when that day come,
Bucky make you sorry!
260
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:35,069
-Bucky make you say--
-[Riley] Mayday, mayday, mayday…
261
00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:38,030
This is Rip Riley calling ISIS, over.
262
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:39,782
-Noah.
-Oh, that's not me.
263
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:40,783
I know that!
264
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,993
[Riley] Oh, damn it, is that the P.A.?
265
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:45,371
Way to eschew
traditional labeling, pirates.
266
00:11:45,704 --> 00:11:46,622
Fascinating.
267
00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:49,500
Because since
when is there a radio in the damn dungeon?
268
00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:52,253
God, you really should
read your orientation materials.
269
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:54,797
-Noah!
-Radio room!
270
00:11:56,090 --> 00:12:00,302
Mayday, mayday, mayday,
this is Rip Riley calling ISIS.
271
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:01,679
Mayday, may--
272
00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:02,596
[Malory] Rip?
273
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,849
Finally. Malory, listen to me very--
274
00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:09,103
[Malory] How's Sterling, is he hurt or
oh God, have the pirates tortured him?
275
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:10,438
Uh, no.
276
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:14,358
[Malory] Oh thank God, I was--
wait, are you under duress?
277
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:17,361
If you are, key your handset twice!
278
00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:19,363
[Riley] I'm not under duress, I'm--
279
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:22,158
Well, that's exactly what
you'd say if you were under duress, so--
280
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:25,828
[Riley] Malory! I don't have a lot
of time, so please listen very carefully.
281
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:28,497
-I'm listening!
-[Riley] Your son, is--
282
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:29,665
[Archer] No!
283
00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:30,833
[gunshots]
284
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,835
Oh my-- Carol! Somebody?
285
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,545
-[Cheryl] What.
-Sterling…
286
00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:35,588
I think…
287
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:36,755
he's been shot.
288
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:37,882
[Cheryl] Oh my God.
289
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:40,301
So, can I go home?
290
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,761
[Archer] I told you,
I'm not going anywhere!
291
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:45,723
Especially not back to ISIS,
and especially not now
292
00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:49,351
that I just shot--
What I assume was the only radio?
293
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:53,439
Yeah, "See about getting a backup radio"
was item five.
294
00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:56,984
And item one,
is Riley get your ass back in your cell!
295
00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:59,111
Um, item one's actually
the morale problem.
296
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,614
-Noah?
-More like potential mutiny.
297
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,032
Yeah, right?
298
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:06,827
Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and change
"morale problem" to "potential mutiny"…
299
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,120
No! You're not!
300
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:11,081
Because there is no mutiny,
potential or otherwi--
301
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:12,583
[Bucky] Mutiny!
302
00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:14,627
[pirates] Mutiny!
303
00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:17,546
-So, is that Malay for--
-Mutiny, yes.
304
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:20,841
So I guess I should upgrade it
from "potential" to--
305
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,135
-Incipient?
-Ooh, nice…
306
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:27,765
No! Do not upgrade that mutiny, Noah!
I will tell you when it's time!
307
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:30,059
To upgrade the damn--
308
00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:33,020
Mutiny, okay, so…
309
00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,064
What comes after incipient?
310
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:36,899
-In progress?
-Nailed it!
311
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:47,868
Oh, this is great!
This is just great for my ears!
312
00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:51,455
This is what I was talking about,
with the whole tinnitus thing!
313
00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:55,751
-You hear that high-pitched whine? Like…
-[Noah] Eeee!
314
00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:57,920
[Archer] Noah!
315
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,296
Aagh! What?
316
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:02,591
I-- well for one thing, I'm kinda
regretting making you first mate!
317
00:14:02,716 --> 00:14:05,302
Yeah, me too! Now I'm… management!
318
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,012
-Archer!
-What?
319
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:08,264
Shut up! Noah!
320
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:09,223
What?
321
00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:11,058
What'd you say about a backup radio?
322
00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:12,726
That we need one!
323
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,520
It's item… Five!
324
00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:17,523
-Oh, well, that's just--
-[banging at door]
325
00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:18,899
A battering ram?
326
00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:23,070
Archer! [speaking Malay]
327
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,531
What was that, what'd he say?
328
00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:27,533
"We're going to kill you."
329
00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:29,493
Oh. Thought they were surrendering.
330
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,662
Why? Would you think that?
331
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:33,914
They did before! For no good reason!
332
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:37,042
At least then we had assault weapons!
Now we've only got--
333
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:38,711
Give me that!
334
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:40,588
Yeah go nuts, Sundance, it's empty.
335
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:42,381
[Riley] It's empty!
Because you emptied it
336
00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:44,592
into the only radio on the island!
337
00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:46,010
All six, right in the ten ring…
338
00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:48,304
Well, congratulations! We're trapped!
339
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:49,680
We're not--
340
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:51,307
Trapped.
341
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:52,683
Okay yeah, we're trapped.
342
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:56,353
Uh, hey, gang,
why don't we just use that?
343
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,023
Well, obviously we're gonna use that.
344
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,319
[pirates] Ghost!
345
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,821
Not ghost, they not ghosts!
346
00:15:06,196 --> 00:15:07,531
They just white!
347
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:08,866
-Racist.
-[scoffs]
348
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:10,743
You're racist!
349
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:13,454
Those dirty pirate bastards!
350
00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:16,832
They killed my baby boy! [sobbing]
351
00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:19,627
Hey, hey, hey,
you don't know that for sure yet.
352
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:20,794
[gasps] You're right!
353
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:24,423
That sound could've been anything!
Like, a firecracker!
354
00:15:24,506 --> 00:15:26,634
Orientals are crazy for firecrackers!
355
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,510
Oh my God, and rice?
356
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,930
Or maybe Rip shot a pirate,
and Sterling yelled
357
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:33,349
"No" because he didn't want to
give away their position!
358
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:34,391
And opium.
359
00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:36,435
Yes, you know, I bet they've escaped!
360
00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:37,895
Oh my God, and rice.
361
00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:41,273
Because if anyone can escape from
a pirate fortress, it's Sterling and Rip.
362
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,442
Especially if they cooperate.
363
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,903
Damn it,
quit stepping on my hands, you idiot!
364
00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:47,821
Quit bossing me around! You're not my--
365
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,907
wait, tell me there's no chance
you're my father.
366
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:52,284
Not unless you're-- Fifteen.
367
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,828
-Oh, thank God.
-The feeling's mutual.
368
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,706
Because if my son was
as big a bonehead as you--
369
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,292
-You have a son?
-Huh? No.
370
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:01,585
Then shut up. Noah!
371
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:04,588
-Where the hell does this go?
-[Noah] I don't know, down?
372
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:06,799
Wow, you're only a doctoral candidate…
373
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,717
Hey, guy, my field's anthropology!
374
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,345
-[chuckle] Good luck with the job hunt.
-Right?
375
00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:14,098
Not that it's any of your business,
but I plan to teach.
376
00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:16,308
-Anthropology.
-Wh- Yes!
377
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,768
To anthropology majors.
378
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:19,019
[Noah] Hey, you know what?
379
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,188
Thus continuing the circle of why bother.
380
00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:24,441
[Noah] Anthropology is
a important field of study!
381
00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:28,779
[chuckle] I'm pretty sure somebody's
already named all the different spiders!
382
00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:30,531
[Noah] That's arachnology!
383
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:34,159
I know!
Equally huge waste of time.
384
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,370
[Noah] Yeah, and speaking of,
can we go back up?
385
00:16:36,453 --> 00:16:38,038
Oh my God. Uh…
386
00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:40,082
Not really.
387
00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:42,167
-Why?
-Just curious.
388
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:44,753
Go, go, go, go, go!
389
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:47,923
[all screaming]
390
00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:50,718
Oh, shi--
391
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:52,052
[chuckles]
392
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:56,682
Look, no grenade is a good grenade. Okay?
393
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,144
That was just a flash-bang grenade!
394
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:03,480
Still super-bad for your ears.
So when we get outta here,
395
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:06,316
you should go see my ENT doctor,
he's good.
396
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,111
How the hell are we
supposed to get out of here?
397
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:11,071
-Isn't this your cell?
-Yes!
398
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:13,407
-So how'd you get out before?
-I bribed Bucky!
399
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:14,450
-[Noah groaning]
-Noah!
400
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,910
-What?
-[Archer] That is annoying as shit!
401
00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:20,664
And I doubt we can bribe Bucky
again, since I crippled his girlfriend…
402
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,958
So what are we supposed to do now?
403
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:24,877
I don't know.
404
00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,754
But I may as well go home and rest.
405
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,255
If they haven't escaped already,
406
00:17:28,338 --> 00:17:31,175
Lana will be there any time now,
and she'll get them out.
407
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,552
And it's not like I can do
anything from here…
408
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:35,846
Exactly! So why do I have to stay?
409
00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:37,473
Because Lana may call.
410
00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:40,100
Or because I said so.
Pick one.
411
00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:41,810
[snores]
412
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,479
Who's jacking' it?
413
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,023
[whistles]
414
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,442
-Oh, my God!
-And why the hell are you still here?
415
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:53,155
Um, I… this is, uh, what was I doing?
416
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:56,950
Whatever it was, you better pray
it had about three coats of Scotchgard.
417
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,327
And that it wasn't…
418
00:17:58,744 --> 00:17:59,787
[farting]
419
00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:01,997
Ugh, Pam…
420
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,248
Ugh.
421
00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:05,084
[farting]
422
00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:07,169
[sighs]
423
00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:11,340
[Lana] His narrow twinky ass better
not steal the boat, is all I'm saying…
424
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:15,135
Oh! And just, before we get in there,
I am not still attracted to Archer!
425
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:19,640
I'm sure he's still attracted to me,
I mean, he'd have to be, uh, blind,
426
00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:22,935
not to, um…
I am so sorry about that.
427
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:24,353
Does it hurt?
428
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,689
Ray, seriously, I'm sorry.
429
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,568
Oh, now you're giving me the
silent treatment? What're you, six?
430
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:32,528
[gasps]
431
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:33,654
[Ray] No…
432
00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:34,905
Just professional.
433
00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:36,990
Hey, pirates…
434
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:38,826
[Archer] Okay, then how 'bout this?
435
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:41,495
-We set Noah on fire--
-Wait. What?
436
00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:43,705
And when they come to put him out,
we overpower them.
437
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,374
Don't have a lighter.
438
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:46,875
Well then I'm out of ideas.
439
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,628
And also out of luck!
440
00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:52,631
Because no rescue for you, Archer!
441
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,342
We catch your friends on beach!
442
00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:58,303
But-- Ray? Holy shit, where'd you--
443
00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:00,305
Get that eye patch?
444
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:03,851
What're you, in pirate disguise?
Great job, buddy! Looks great!
445
00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:05,519
Lana?
446
00:19:05,602 --> 00:19:08,230
You, you came all this way
to rescue me?
447
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,316
-Oh, my God…
-Archer, don't you…
448
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,443
Still got it pretty bad for me, huh?
449
00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:16,238
-Archer…
-[chuckles]
450
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,031
Archer, don't you dare say…
451
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:19,741
Whoo!
452
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:23,036
[theme music playing]
33829
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