subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Reality.Bites.1994.DVDRip.DivX.MP3

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German Download

Greek

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian Download

Interlingua

Irish

Italian Download

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil)

Portuguese (Portugal)

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:25,200 And they wonder why those of us in our twenties... 2 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,700 refuse to work an 80-hour week... 3 00:00:27,900 --> 00:00:31,100 just so we can afford to buy their BMWs... 4 00:00:31,135 --> 00:00:33,165 why we aren't interested... 5 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,700 in the counterculture that they invented... 6 00:00:35,900 --> 00:00:38,900 as if we did not see them disembowel their revolution... 7 00:00:38,935 --> 00:00:41,367 for a pair of running shoes. 8 00:00:41,402 --> 00:00:43,951 But the question remains... 9 00:00:43,986 --> 00:00:46,465 what are we going to do now? 10 00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:50,600 How can we repair all the damage we inherited? 11 00:00:50,635 --> 00:00:54,600 Fellow graduates, the answer is simple. 12 00:00:54,635 --> 00:00:56,000 The answer is... 13 00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,050 The answer is... 14 00:01:09,085 --> 00:01:11,000 I don't know. 15 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,700 Good save, Lelaina. 16 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,850 I'm not a valedictorian, but I play one on TV. 17 00:01:26,885 --> 00:01:29,900 We all know you slept your way to the podium. 18 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,765 My favorite part about graduating now would be... 19 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:41,800 dodging my student-loan officer for the rest of my life. 20 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,265 He will be in cahoots... 21 00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:45,300 with the Columbia Record and Tape Company guy... 22 00:01:45,335 --> 00:01:49,100 who's been after my ass for years. 23 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,800 Troy Dyer, I brought you back a souvenir. 24 00:01:51,900 --> 00:01:52,800 Ah... 25 00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:55,800 You know, you can still go back next year and graduate... 26 00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:57,300 still get your BFA. 27 00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:01,300 Oh, can I? And then I can hang this on my rearview mirror... 28 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,800 to brag to all my good buddies back home that I graduated. 29 00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:07,500 Well, I through with the whole life drama. 30 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,200 Well, I know this sounds cornball... 31 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:18,700 but I'd like to somehow make a difference in people's lives. 32 00:02:20,900 --> 00:02:24,300 And I... I would like to buy them all a Coke. 33 00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:28,265 And you wonder why we never got involved. 34 00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:30,800 Three words... November sixteenth nineteen-ninety... 35 00:02:30,835 --> 00:02:32,617 Oh, totally drunk and out of my mind! 36 00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,526 It would have been a poetic experience... 37 00:02:34,561 --> 00:02:36,980 if I weren't such a gentleman, which I am. 38 00:02:37,015 --> 00:02:39,400 Just let it go, Dyer. Surrender the fantasy. 39 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,400 Hey, Sammy, what's your goal? 40 00:02:43,435 --> 00:02:45,100 My goal is to... 41 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,900 Like a career or something. 42 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,400 Lainie, I think the moment has been appropriately captured. 43 00:02:59,435 --> 00:03:02,400 Would you please take your face out of the camera? 44 00:03:02,435 --> 00:03:04,900 Come on. It's for my documentary. 45 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:06,300 Her... 46 00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:09,700 Documentary. 47 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,600 Think fast. 48 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,400 Here's the deal. 49 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:23,900 I'm going to take Sam against his will... 50 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,450 and straighten him out because I truly believe... 51 00:03:26,485 --> 00:03:28,900 that if we can get two women on the Supreme Court... 52 00:03:28,935 --> 00:03:31,200 we can get at least one on you, Sam. 53 00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:35,500 I'm Superman. 54 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,500 -I can fly. -She's toast. 55 00:03:38,535 --> 00:03:39,465 Aah! 56 00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:41,900 Quick, Vickie. What's your social security? 57 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,900 Uh... 851-25-9357. 58 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,800 Very impressive. 59 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,800 It's the only thing I really learned in college. 60 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:58,065 Sometimes I get that "not so fresh" feeling. 61 00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:02,000 Conjunction junction, what's your function? 62 00:04:02,035 --> 00:04:05,967 Hooking up words and phrases and clauses 63 00:04:06,002 --> 00:04:10,501 Conjunction junction, how's that function? 64 00:04:10,536 --> 00:04:15,000 Got three favorite cars that get most of my... 65 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:32,000 Honey, honey. No, no, no. 66 00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:42,965 Is yours good? 67 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,000 It doesn't seem fresh. 68 00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,800 I'm sorry. 69 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,865 Well, I guess it's about time... 70 00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:56,200 for me to give you your graduation present, huh? 71 00:04:58,500 --> 00:04:59,965 Your... gas card. 72 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,700 I'll pay that bill for one year. 73 00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:05,000 And since Helen Anne's got herself a brand-new Infinity... 74 00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:07,000 we're gonna give you her old BMW. 75 00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:09,300 You can pick it up at our house. 76 00:05:09,335 --> 00:05:13,565 -BMW? BMW? -Yeah. 77 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,600 Tom, didn't you listen to her speech today? 78 00:05:16,635 --> 00:05:18,667 She didn't want a BMW. 79 00:05:18,702 --> 00:05:20,665 Mom, I'll handle this. 80 00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:22,165 I'm not gonna sit here and listen again... 81 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,700 to some strange ethical argument about a damn car. 82 00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:26,650 Now, it's got four wheels. It runs well. 83 00:05:26,685 --> 00:05:28,400 And, little darling, after you've been... 84 00:05:28,435 --> 00:05:29,917 in the real world for a while... 85 00:05:29,952 --> 00:05:31,365 you're gonna appreciate that car. 86 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,500 Yeah. Just think of all those starving children in Africa... 87 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,500 who don't even have cars. 88 00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:37,400 Troy, does your father give you gifts like that? 89 00:05:37,435 --> 00:05:38,465 Mom. 90 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:41,000 Well, actually, my father's dying of prostate cancer... 91 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,600 so I don't really trouble him much for gifts. 92 00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:49,565 See, Tom. 93 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,450 You don't want a BMW. Tell him, Lelaina. 94 00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:55,265 Charlane, she can make up her own mind. 95 00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:59,400 Dad, don't talk to her that way. She's not a child. 96 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,100 Well, she married one. 97 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:04,400 What? 98 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,400 All right. Excuse me. Come on, come on. 99 00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:11,400 Mom, Dad, I'll take the BMW... 100 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:14,400 until I can afford to buy a regular car myself, OK? 101 00:06:14,435 --> 00:06:16,317 OK, Mom? 102 00:06:16,352 --> 00:06:18,165 Please? 103 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:19,800 Mom, please, come on. 104 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,500 Get a Ford. 105 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:04,550 SINGING: Just to float on the sea 106 00:07:04,585 --> 00:07:09,300 Find myself on a page of history 107 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,600 You know, as I ride along 108 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,765 I can always hear the song 109 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:22,300 about you and where you're meant to be 110 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:27,250 Well, you're gonna tell me the answers 111 00:07:27,285 --> 00:07:30,700 I'll know when you come back to me 112 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:48,600 If we should fall, love will catch us every time 113 00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:52,300 I hear you call, I will run 114 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:59,500 And if the magic of the adventure overcomes 115 00:07:59,535 --> 00:08:04,300 We won't cry, because it could be fun 116 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:10,600 Well, I'm gonna tell you the answers 117 00:08:10,635 --> 00:08:14,600 You'll know when you come back to me 118 00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:35,665 Gonna be all right 119 00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:38,300 When you come back to me 120 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,365 Good morning! 121 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,400 Good morning! 122 00:09:23,435 --> 00:09:25,765 Ha ha ha ha! 123 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,400 Yes. Good morning, ladies and... gentleman! 124 00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,800 I see a gentleman right over there! 125 00:09:30,835 --> 00:09:32,865 Good morning! 126 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:34,865 Good morning! Boy, I tell you... 127 00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:37,650 it is a good morning with this audience. 128 00:09:37,685 --> 00:09:40,292 Ha! Well, today, for all you dieters... 129 00:09:40,327 --> 00:09:42,900 guiltless goodies from chef Skinny Ninny. 130 00:09:42,935 --> 00:09:45,865 Whoa. Mmm! 131 00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:47,865 And we'll also be visiting with a man... 132 00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:51,300 right here from Houston who is battling Alzheimer's. 133 00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:55,700 A beautiful and touching story... 134 00:09:55,735 --> 00:09:58,265 of the triumph of the human spirit. 135 00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:01,300 He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers. 136 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,600 Now let's take a peek inside our "Video View"... 137 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:07,200 and see what we have in store for today. 138 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,765 It's a special report 139 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:14,100 on children's birthday party themes... 140 00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:15,565 taped on location... 141 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,665 at 8-year-old Davy Robbins' party... 142 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:21,500 exclusively for our "Video View" collection. 143 00:10:21,535 --> 00:10:23,865 Ha ha ha! 144 00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:27,400 So... come sit with me. 145 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:31,000 Relax. Have a cup of joe. 146 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,700 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 147 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:40,200 Well, anyway, it's gonna be a good day. Good morning! 148 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,700 You're beautiful. 149 00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:50,600 We're clear. 150 00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:55,500 Am I here to amuse you, Miss Pierce? 151 00:10:55,535 --> 00:10:57,065 Am I here to make you laugh? 152 00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:58,600 Is that the real reason I'm on this show? 153 00:10:58,635 --> 00:11:00,067 Mr. Gubler, when I prepare your note cards... 154 00:11:00,102 --> 00:11:01,601 you're supposed to get your own espresso. 155 00:11:01,636 --> 00:11:03,068 Didn't you get my "espress yourself" memo? 156 00:11:03,103 --> 00:11:04,500 I don't have time for your little mind games. 157 00:11:04,535 --> 00:11:06,065 I'd like to remind you... 158 00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:08,065 that we're laying people off around here. 159 00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:11,100 I can find an intern who will do your job for free like that. 160 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,300 SINGING: I been locked out 161 00:11:22,335 --> 00:11:24,565 I been locked in 162 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:28,565 But I always seem to come back again 163 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,765 And the view, when I look from my window... 164 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,000 Oh, that's a much better size. That looks great. 165 00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:37,100 That would go really well with the EZ-Fits. 166 00:11:37,135 --> 00:11:40,100 So... Oh, buttoning it up. That's even better. 167 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,200 Yeah, roll 'em right up. 168 00:11:45,235 --> 00:11:47,200 It's liberating, isn't it? 169 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,100 I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste 170 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,500 A flannel for my face 171 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,100 Pajamas, a hairbrush 172 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,400 new shoes, and a case 173 00:12:01,435 --> 00:12:04,567 I said to my reflection 174 00:12:04,602 --> 00:12:07,700 Let's get out of this place 175 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,600 Past the church and the steeple 176 00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:13,600 The laundry on the hill 177 00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:17,800 Murder, there's one committed each 7 seconds. 178 00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:22,800 Hello. I got cut off. I'm sorry. 179 00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:26,700 Tempted by the fruit of another 180 00:12:26,735 --> 00:12:27,600 Waa waa 181 00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:31,000 Hello? What? 182 00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:34,600 Tempted, but the truth is discovered 183 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,800 No, no, no. Listen, he needs us, OK? 184 00:12:41,835 --> 00:12:44,400 If he makes videos, we show them, OK? 185 00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:47,300 It's symbiotic. It's like a "chicken or the egg?" 186 00:12:47,335 --> 00:12:50,000 It's both of them working together. 187 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:53,100 Yeah, uh-huh. Well, let me tell you something. 188 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,500 No, no, no. I'm not scared of... 189 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,050 Jesus! 190 00:12:57,085 --> 00:12:58,500 Aah! 191 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:00,500 MAN ON TELEPHONE: Michael, don't laugh at me. 192 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:01,500 What? 193 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:05,200 No, I'm in an accident. I got in an accident. 194 00:13:05,235 --> 00:13:06,700 Yeah, I'm fine. 195 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,500 No. I'll call you back, all right? 196 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:09,865 I'm gonna call you... 197 00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:11,800 When you said you would sue... 198 00:13:11,835 --> 00:13:13,665 Well, it's not really my idea. 199 00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:16,100 It's just I got my lawyer guy telling me, you know... 200 00:13:16,135 --> 00:13:18,065 something, like, about my rates or... 201 00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:21,900 Right. You mean, like sue in a courtroom for money? 202 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,100 I don't even know... 203 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,700 because I've never really done anything like this before. 204 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:25,900 I mean, do you have a lawyer or something? 205 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,100 No, I don't have a lawyer. I don't have a dentist. 206 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,700 I'm... You know, I make four-hundred dollars a week. 207 00:13:31,735 --> 00:13:33,465 What do you do? 208 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:36,200 Well, at the moment, I'm working... 209 00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:38,900 I'm sorry. I just... I got to... 210 00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:42,400 Hello. 211 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,365 Yeah. What is it? 212 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,965 You know, I don't care... 213 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,200 if she does twelve books of herself naked, OK? 214 00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:50,365 It doesn't... 215 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,400 That's Dr. Zaius from "Planet of the Apes. " 216 00:13:52,435 --> 00:13:53,900 Oh. 217 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,600 I'm sorry. No. Someone else is in here. 218 00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:57,400 Yeah? Well, let her say that to me. 219 00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:01,300 -No, don't do that. -Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 220 00:14:01,335 --> 00:14:03,017 No, no. You can... That's all right... 221 00:14:03,052 --> 00:14:04,700 I was... Go ahead. You want to touch it? 222 00:14:04,735 --> 00:14:05,900 It's all right. Yeah. No, go ahead. 223 00:14:05,935 --> 00:14:07,765 No, I was talking to... 224 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:11,600 Look, can I talk to you later? Can we... When? OK. OK. 225 00:14:11,635 --> 00:14:14,800 Um... OK. 226 00:14:14,900 --> 00:14:16,200 Um... uh... 227 00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:20,665 You know what? Just forget it. 228 00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:22,500 Really, just forget the whole thing... 229 00:14:22,535 --> 00:14:24,265 because it was probably my fault anyway. 230 00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:26,800 And I'll get in trouble, and it just doesn't... 231 00:14:26,835 --> 00:14:28,765 And you seem very sweet. 232 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,900 And you seem to like Dr. Zaius. 233 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,400 Oh. Ha ha. 234 00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:35,600 -Oh, no. -That's... 235 00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:38,465 I'm sorry. 236 00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:41,600 That's... He was just a collector's... No big... 237 00:14:41,635 --> 00:14:42,965 Well, we can... 238 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,665 -You know what? -No, here's his head. 239 00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:48,400 It's really... you know... I think he's gone. 240 00:14:48,435 --> 00:14:51,500 I'm, like, ruining your whole life here. 241 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,765 No, no, you're not. Really. 242 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,000 Just don't... Just don't touch anything else... 243 00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:57,900 and I think we'll be fine. 244 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:02,500 Michael Grates, vice president regional programming... 245 00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,517 "In Your Face" TV. We've seen it. 246 00:15:04,552 --> 00:15:06,465 It's like MTV, but with an edge. 247 00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:08,900 -Yeah. So, is it a date? -Yeah, yeah. 248 00:15:08,935 --> 00:15:10,800 -Dinner? -Coffee. 249 00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:13,800 -Coffee or cappuccino? -He ended up saying decaf. 250 00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:16,800 Oh, no. Early night. Is there any precoffee activity? 251 00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:18,200 Um... I don't think so. 252 00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:20,800 Did he ask you to go out or to hang out? 253 00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:22,200 Go out. He definitely said go out. 254 00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:24,000 Hey. How are you doing? 255 00:15:24,035 --> 00:15:26,165 -Oh, shit. -What? 256 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,600 I forgot to tell you something. 257 00:15:28,635 --> 00:15:30,565 Are you out of your mind? 258 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,900 Oh, my god. Lainie, he just got fired from the newsstand. 259 00:15:32,935 --> 00:15:35,200 He needs a place to stay till he can find a new job... 260 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,700 and get his own place. 261 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,800 Vickie, that's the American dream of the nineties. 262 00:15:38,835 --> 00:15:40,365 That could take years. 263 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,400 Look at it like a built-in security system. 264 00:15:42,435 --> 00:15:43,765 We'll have a man around the house. 265 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,300 We'll have a hall monitor. That's what we'll have. 266 00:15:46,335 --> 00:15:48,800 I don't even know if this is allowed in the building. 267 00:15:48,835 --> 00:15:51,400 It's not like Mr. Roper's gonna burst in. 268 00:15:51,435 --> 00:15:53,365 I'll just stay on the couch. 269 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,400 Vickie, he will turn this place... 270 00:15:56,435 --> 00:15:59,200 into a den of slack. 271 00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:01,800 What the hell is your problem? 272 00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:06,300 I have to work around here, and unfortunately, Troy... 273 00:16:06,335 --> 00:16:09,165 you are a master at the art of time suckage. 274 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,300 Oh, well, I'm sorry, miss poster girl for the workers party... 275 00:16:11,335 --> 00:16:13,900 but until I get that toehold in the burger industry... 276 00:16:13,935 --> 00:16:15,265 I got a little time to suck. 277 00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:18,300 I'd rather check into a shelter than deal with her shit. 278 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,100 I know how much you love to mainline in misery here. 279 00:16:21,135 --> 00:16:22,265 But you don't have to. 280 00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:26,300 I can get you a job interview at my dad's plant. 281 00:16:26,335 --> 00:16:28,200 What is that? Part of my lease agreement? 282 00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:30,600 It's either that or a credit check. 283 00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:32,700 It's cool, Troy. You can stay. 284 00:16:32,735 --> 00:16:34,065 Welcome to the maxi pad. 285 00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:36,065 Yeah, with the new dry-weave... 286 00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:39,900 it actually pulls moisture away from you. It's good. 287 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,400 You won't even know I'm here. 288 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,200 Should I get married? Should I be good? 289 00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:48,700 Should I astound the girl next door 290 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,750 with my velvet suit and my Faustus hood? 291 00:16:50,785 --> 00:16:52,665 And not take her to movies but to cemeteries 292 00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:55,700 and tell her of werewolf tongues and forked clarinets? 293 00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,700 What "Hey, That's My Bike"... 294 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,200 would like to do eventually. as a band... 295 00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:03,500 is travel the countryside like Woody Guthrie. 296 00:17:03,535 --> 00:17:05,365 Or Richard Simmons. 297 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,200 You know how, in his commercials... 298 00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:10,000 how he travels around, surprises people jogging. 299 00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:13,700 As you can see, I have the occasional run-in... 300 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,050 with an anti- "Hey, That's My Biker. " 301 00:17:17,085 --> 00:17:20,300 And to those people, I say nobody... 302 00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:24,400 Nobody can eat fifty eggs. 303 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,865 -Lainie? -Whatie? 304 00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:29,800 The next time you make microwave brownies... 305 00:17:29,835 --> 00:17:32,700 I'd really consider using a microwave. 306 00:17:32,735 --> 00:17:35,065 It's just a thought. 307 00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:37,100 You know, I finally figured out... 308 00:17:37,135 --> 00:17:38,967 what your problem is, Dyer. 309 00:17:39,002 --> 00:17:40,765 What's that? I'm not a Pepper? 310 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,300 You suffer from the philosopher groupie syndrome. 311 00:17:43,335 --> 00:17:46,765 You're this guy with, like, a 180 I.Q... 312 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,300 ten units away from a degree in philosophy... 313 00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:52,500 and you always fall for these dumb groupie types. 314 00:17:52,535 --> 00:17:54,265 Now... they are not all dumb. 315 00:17:54,300 --> 00:17:57,265 Most of them are just very, very depressed. 316 00:17:57,300 --> 00:18:00,300 Do you find me attractive, sitting here, eating brownies? 317 00:18:00,335 --> 00:18:02,300 You do. You're strangely attracted to me right now. 318 00:18:02,335 --> 00:18:04,265 You're oddly, oddly attracted to me. 319 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:06,300 It turns you on, doesn't it? You like to watch, don't you? 320 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:09,300 Come on. Come on! Aah! 321 00:18:09,335 --> 00:18:10,765 Here. Ha ha ha! 322 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,300 Don't! Come on. It's not funny. Give it back. 323 00:18:13,335 --> 00:18:14,665 -Give what back? -Give it back! 324 00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:16,700 Give what back? Give the brownies back? 325 00:18:16,735 --> 00:18:19,165 -Aah! -Brownies, brownies. 326 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,200 Oh, I love brownies. My name's Lelaina. 327 00:18:21,235 --> 00:18:22,900 Hey, don't! Hey, watch the camera. 328 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,500 Don't throw it at me. That's not nice. 329 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:37,300 Mr. Gubler, do you have time to take a look... 330 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,800 at what I've done here? 331 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,800 I need my questions. 332 00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:43,300 Oh, well, here's the research that I did. 333 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:44,800 You might want to read it... 334 00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:47,500 because this guest has quite a history in politics. 335 00:18:47,535 --> 00:18:49,400 Just give me my questions. 336 00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:01,500 Excusez-moi. 337 00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:05,400 -You all alone? -Not anymore. 338 00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:08,000 If I could bottle the sexual tension... 339 00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:10,900 between Bonnie Franklin and Schneider... 340 00:19:10,935 --> 00:19:13,800 I could solve the energy crisis. 341 00:19:13,835 --> 00:19:15,465 Excuse me. 342 00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:19,765 Don't bogart that can... man. 343 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:22,900 -Are you retarded? -No. I'm rhyming. 344 00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:27,200 It's not easy. Sure, I make it look easy. 345 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,100 You guys better not be inhaling. 346 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,365 Hi. 347 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:37,600 Lelaina, Vickie was just promoted to manager of the Gap. 348 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:40,200 -Shut up. -It's not even a big deal. 349 00:19:40,235 --> 00:19:42,617 The old manager tried to kill herself... 350 00:19:42,652 --> 00:19:44,726 by eating a whole pot of poinsettias. 351 00:19:44,761 --> 00:19:46,765 Still, I'm so proud of you. Wait. 352 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,850 I'll be making four-hundred dollars a week, though. 353 00:19:49,885 --> 00:19:52,900 We're never gonna have rent problems again. 354 00:19:52,935 --> 00:19:54,865 Troy, aren't you excited? 355 00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:57,700 I'm bursting with fruit flavor. 356 00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,700 You guys, I just thought of something. 357 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,900 I'm manager of the Gap. 358 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,400 I'm responsible for all those t-shirts... 359 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:09,300 French-cut, v-necked, ribbed, what have you. 360 00:20:09,335 --> 00:20:10,565 Dude, I'm in trouble. 361 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,565 No, you're not, Vick. I know you can do it. 362 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,900 I just do not understand why this moment... 363 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,365 has to be Memorexed. 364 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,065 Sammy, don't you realize? 365 00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:22,900 This is your one opportunity to play a small part... 366 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,400 in what is destined to be greatness. 367 00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:28,100 Lainie here is gonna revolutionize... 368 00:20:28,135 --> 00:20:29,400 "Good Morning, Grant. " 369 00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:32,900 Oh, my god! I'm so sorry! I had no idea! 370 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,400 Look who's mocking. All you do around here, Troy... 371 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:38,800 is eat and couch and fondle the remote control. 372 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,800 I am not under any orders to make the world a better place. 373 00:20:41,835 --> 00:20:43,717 Well, then what good are you? 374 00:20:43,752 --> 00:20:45,600 You're a pathological optimist. 375 00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:47,065 You're pathological. 376 00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:50,000 Oh, would you two just do it and get it over with? 377 00:20:50,035 --> 00:20:51,500 I'm starving. 378 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:56,965 Oh! 379 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,900 Hello. You've reached the winter of our discontent. 380 00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:04,000 Uh... hold on. It's some Michael character. 381 00:21:04,035 --> 00:21:05,500 Oh. 382 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,965 -Who's Michael? -Let's order a pizza. 383 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,000 Lelaina, if we promise to pay you back... 384 00:21:13,035 --> 00:21:14,500 will you spot us a pizza? 385 00:21:14,535 --> 00:21:15,965 Don't have any cash. 386 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,500 Dominoes takes checks. 387 00:21:17,535 --> 00:21:18,700 OK, great. 388 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,300 OK. Bye. 389 00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:24,100 The owner of Dominoes supports Operation Rescue. 390 00:21:24,135 --> 00:21:26,500 Oh, please. No one gives a shit right now. 391 00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:28,567 We're starving. 392 00:21:28,602 --> 00:21:30,600 Oh, wait. Wait. 393 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,400 -Ta-da! -We're going to eat gas. 394 00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:41,465 Ah! 395 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:43,500 Who's this Michael guy? 396 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:44,665 Um... 397 00:21:44,700 --> 00:21:47,000 Hey. Vickie just figured something out. 398 00:21:47,100 --> 00:21:49,000 -What? -Something wonderful. 399 00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:53,500 Ha ha ha! Evian is naive spelled backwards. 400 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,300 Uh! Could you turn this up, please? 401 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,000 Please? You won't be sorry. 402 00:22:00,100 --> 00:22:01,500 Thank you. 403 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:05,600 RADIO:... When you gonna give me some time, Sharona? 404 00:22:05,635 --> 00:22:09,117 Ooh, you make my motor run, my motor run 405 00:22:09,152 --> 00:22:12,565 Gun it comin' off of the line, Sharona 406 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,900 Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind 407 00:22:15,935 --> 00:22:19,200 Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind 408 00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:22,100 My, my, my, i, yi, woo! 409 00:22:22,135 --> 00:22:23,700 Hey! 410 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,500 M-m-my Sharona. 411 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,800 Come a little closer, huh? Ah, will ya, huh? 412 00:22:31,835 --> 00:22:35,000 Close enough to look in my eyes, Sharona 413 00:22:35,035 --> 00:22:38,565 Keeping it a mystery, it gets to me 414 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:42,000 Running down the length of my thighs, Sharona... 415 00:22:42,500 --> 00:22:45,800 Good times, any time you need them, baby 416 00:22:45,835 --> 00:22:49,065 Good times, ain't no time to be afraid 417 00:22:49,100 --> 00:22:51,100 Thelma's husband Keith has got vodka hidden in the toilet. 418 00:22:51,135 --> 00:22:53,400 Vodka in the toilet. That's a good one. 419 00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:55,050 Um... boom boom. 420 00:22:55,085 --> 00:22:56,565 James Dice. 421 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,100 That's a two-parter, man. You can't do that. 422 00:22:58,135 --> 00:23:00,065 J.J. works in the chicken shop. 423 00:23:00,100 --> 00:23:02,100 He works in a chicken shop. We did that. 424 00:23:02,135 --> 00:23:04,100 It's the same one when he has that cape on. 425 00:23:04,135 --> 00:23:05,565 Drink up, man. 426 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,100 You hate to see that happen to the rookie. 427 00:23:08,135 --> 00:23:09,600 Um... Alderman Davis judges a... 428 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,000 Oh, my god. 429 00:23:13,035 --> 00:23:14,400 Hi. 430 00:23:14,500 --> 00:23:16,900 Are you a collection agent? 431 00:23:16,935 --> 00:23:18,965 Lelaina! 432 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,900 Oh! Yeah, I'll be right there. 433 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,165 Oh. 434 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,000 If you ain't the most hardheaded woman... 435 00:23:31,035 --> 00:23:32,400 Great! 436 00:23:32,500 --> 00:23:33,900 Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. Oh, it's me! 437 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,400 Willona dates a deaf guy. 438 00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:36,865 -Good one. -Willona dates a deaf guy. 439 00:23:36,900 --> 00:23:39,450 How about the one when Gary Coleman comes on... 440 00:23:39,485 --> 00:23:42,000 and he's like the little... like, guy doing that... 441 00:23:43,100 --> 00:23:45,300 -Yeah, we did that one. -He was cute, though. 442 00:23:45,335 --> 00:23:47,600 -J.J.'s prom date. -Gotta go. Gotta go. 443 00:23:47,635 --> 00:23:49,165 -Hey. Hi. Hello. Hi. -Hi. 444 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:53,500 Um... everybody, this is Michael. This is... 445 00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:57,000 Prom date. Prom date. Go. 446 00:23:57,100 --> 00:23:58,500 You know, we should... We should... Yeah. 447 00:23:58,600 --> 00:23:59,700 So, I'm gonna go. 448 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:00,765 Bye. 449 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,265 Michael throws a party. Sammy, let's go. 450 00:24:02,300 --> 00:24:05,900 Lelaina, you know the punishment for premature evacuation. 451 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,600 Penny! Willona adopts Penny! Shit! 452 00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:16,800 I'm making this documentary... 453 00:24:16,900 --> 00:24:18,600 about my friends, but it's really about... 454 00:24:18,700 --> 00:24:21,265 people who are trying to find their own identity... 455 00:24:21,300 --> 00:24:24,900 without having any real role models or heroes or anything. 456 00:24:24,935 --> 00:24:28,465 Wow. That... That sounds great. 457 00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:31,000 It seems like your friends would be perfect for that. 458 00:24:31,035 --> 00:24:32,767 Like, um... Like that guy Troy... 459 00:24:32,802 --> 00:24:34,500 -Troy, yeah. -You all done here, sir? 460 00:24:34,535 --> 00:24:35,965 Uh, yeah. yeah. 461 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,500 You don't want to finish that? Because I can... 462 00:24:37,535 --> 00:24:40,000 No, no, no. I'm fine. I had a late... 463 00:24:40,035 --> 00:24:41,965 So, Troy is... You guys just... 464 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,500 It's like you guys living there, just the two of you? 465 00:24:44,535 --> 00:24:46,165 No, no, no, no, no. 466 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,650 It's me and Vickie, but he got fired from his job... 467 00:24:49,685 --> 00:24:53,100 and so he needed a place to crash for a couple weeks. 468 00:24:53,135 --> 00:24:56,900 They caught him stealing a Snickers. 469 00:24:56,935 --> 00:25:00,100 He stole a Snickers bar? 470 00:25:00,135 --> 00:25:02,000 Yeah. Ha ha ha! 471 00:25:02,100 --> 00:25:04,500 Somehow he can rationalize it... 472 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:09,500 like the establishment owes him a Snickers. 473 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:10,900 Right, right. 474 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,600 Well, I mean... I guess... you know... 475 00:25:20,100 --> 00:25:22,300 You know, you're very beautiful. 476 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,500 I mean... I mean, um... 477 00:25:26,535 --> 00:25:28,600 Seriously, you're... 478 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:37,000 I'm, uh... I'm, uh... not really good with compliments. 479 00:25:38,100 --> 00:25:39,600 Um... but, uh... 480 00:25:39,700 --> 00:25:43,100 Um... Ha ha! Are you religious? 481 00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,265 Um... Ha ha ha! 482 00:25:48,300 --> 00:25:50,965 Ha ha ha! I'm sorry. 483 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:55,200 I guess I'm... I guess I'm, uh... 484 00:25:55,235 --> 00:25:57,200 a non-practicing Jew. 485 00:25:57,300 --> 00:25:59,600 Hey, I'm a non-practicing virgin. 486 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,565 Who's this again? 487 00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:08,100 Frampton. Peter Frampton. 488 00:26:08,135 --> 00:26:09,565 Frampton... 489 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,100 I can't believe you don't remember... 490 00:26:11,135 --> 00:26:12,565 "Frampton Comes Alive. " 491 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,565 That album, like, totally changed my life. 492 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:21,400 The most profound, important invention of my lifetime... 493 00:26:21,500 --> 00:26:23,400 the Big Gulp. 494 00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,400 And because, see... No, listen. 495 00:26:25,435 --> 00:26:26,865 You get one in the morning. 496 00:26:26,900 --> 00:26:29,700 I'm talking forty-four ouncer, not this thirty-two wimpy... 497 00:26:29,735 --> 00:26:32,717 -Wait a minute. Forty four? -Yeah. Forty-four ounce. 498 00:26:32,752 --> 00:26:35,426 How can you ingest forty-four ounces of anything? 499 00:26:35,461 --> 00:26:38,100 How can you ingest forty-four ounces of anything? 500 00:26:38,135 --> 00:26:39,565 You get one. 501 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,100 You have your essential vitamins and nutrients... 502 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,600 for the entire day. 503 00:26:43,700 --> 00:26:46,600 Oh, yeah. Definitely. I'm sure you're totally covered. 504 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:48,600 -You do. -Well... 505 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:52,100 I guess it really doesn't take much to make me happy. 506 00:26:52,300 --> 00:26:55,100 Hey, I'm not materialistic, either. 507 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,600 I mean, I think I'd be working even if I wasn't getting paid. 508 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:02,100 And I don't, like, want to get, you know... a big house. 509 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,100 I just want, like, a nice house. 510 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,100 I'm not into cars and stuff. 511 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,665 I mean, I like my car. 512 00:27:10,700 --> 00:27:13,700 You're probably not really not into, like... 513 00:27:13,735 --> 00:27:16,700 expensive, snazzy Italian suits, either. 514 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,800 -Oh, come on. -I'm just kidding. 515 00:27:18,835 --> 00:27:20,517 -No, no, no. -I'm just kidding. 516 00:27:20,552 --> 00:27:22,376 Wait a minute. I'm not like that. 517 00:27:22,411 --> 00:27:24,200 I'm really not. I mean... I mean... 518 00:27:24,235 --> 00:27:27,165 I'm... I'm... I mean... 519 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,500 I know why the caged bird sings and everything. 520 00:27:29,535 --> 00:27:31,265 Oh, yeah? Why? 521 00:27:31,300 --> 00:27:34,500 Because he was... in a cage, and he was... 522 00:27:34,535 --> 00:27:37,700 I don't know. He had high hopes or something. 523 00:27:37,735 --> 00:27:39,517 OK, I dropped out of school... 524 00:27:39,552 --> 00:27:41,126 before we got to that, all right? 525 00:27:41,161 --> 00:27:42,665 I should have stayed in college... 526 00:27:42,700 --> 00:27:44,700 and got a degree in astronomy or something. 527 00:27:44,735 --> 00:27:46,517 -Oh, god, I love astronomy. -Really? 528 00:27:46,552 --> 00:27:48,265 Yeah. I just... The math, though. 529 00:27:48,300 --> 00:27:50,700 It was the math that just, like... got me every time. 530 00:27:50,735 --> 00:27:52,700 I loved astronomy, too, and I got into class... 531 00:27:52,735 --> 00:27:54,265 and it was like... it was like... 532 00:27:54,300 --> 00:27:59,700 everything was three-squared times pi equals the root of pi. 533 00:27:59,735 --> 00:28:02,300 Yeah. And I just wanted to look at the stars. 534 00:28:02,335 --> 00:28:05,200 -It was so... -Same here exactly. 535 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,200 I remember being so happy on the roof of our old house... 536 00:28:09,235 --> 00:28:11,300 just staring up at the stars. 537 00:28:11,335 --> 00:28:12,765 Mmm... 538 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:16,300 I want to do that again. I want to just... 539 00:28:16,335 --> 00:28:19,800 look up at the stars and take the time to... 540 00:28:19,835 --> 00:28:22,800 smell the... 541 00:28:22,900 --> 00:28:24,200 everything. 542 00:28:26,900 --> 00:28:30,200 Because it's like... do you ever have those moments in life... 543 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,200 where everything is OK? Do you know what I mean? 544 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,800 Just for, like, one moment, everything is great. 545 00:28:35,900 --> 00:28:39,800 Not since I graduated, no. But yeah... yeah. 546 00:28:39,835 --> 00:28:43,700 When you, like, catch yourself in a moment... 547 00:28:43,900 --> 00:28:46,700 and you're saying, wait, I'm happy here in the moment. 548 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:49,300 Right. And then it just goes away really quickly. 549 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,700 -Gone. -It just... It's... 550 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:53,800 I know I've had a couple of those, you know. 551 00:28:53,835 --> 00:28:55,800 I always forget them, but I know I've had them. 552 00:28:55,835 --> 00:28:57,400 Oh, me, too. 553 00:29:01,700 --> 00:29:04,200 Like right now... is one. 554 00:29:07,100 --> 00:29:09,100 Yeah... like now. 555 00:29:12,900 --> 00:29:14,900 SINGING: Clouds are stalking 556 00:29:14,935 --> 00:29:17,400 Islands in the sun 557 00:29:18,900 --> 00:29:21,900 Wish I could dry one 558 00:29:22,900 --> 00:29:24,600 Out of season 559 00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:27,900 But don't 560 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,100 Hesitate 561 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,100 'Cause your love 562 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,750 Won't wait 563 00:29:38,785 --> 00:29:41,065 Hey, hey, hey 564 00:29:41,100 --> 00:29:44,400 Ooh, baby, I love your way 565 00:29:44,435 --> 00:29:45,900 Every day 566 00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,900 Want to tell you I love your way 567 00:29:50,935 --> 00:29:52,900 Ooh, ooh, ooh 568 00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,400 TROY, Ooh, baby, I love your way 569 00:29:58,435 --> 00:29:59,865 Every day 570 00:29:59,900 --> 00:30:01,700 I want to be with you night and day 571 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:02,900 Shh! 572 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:04,900 So, you've been up all night? 573 00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:11,200 I am picking up some very strange vibes in here. 574 00:30:11,235 --> 00:30:15,900 They're of the... "I just got laid" variety. 575 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:17,700 Did he dazzle you... 576 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,600 with his extensive knowledge of mineral water? 577 00:30:20,700 --> 00:30:24,700 Or was it his in-depth analysis of Markie Mark... 578 00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:26,565 that finally reeled you in? 579 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,300 I just would have liked to have been there... 580 00:30:29,335 --> 00:30:31,265 to watch how you rationalized... 581 00:30:31,300 --> 00:30:34,000 sleeping with a yuppy-head cheeseball on the first date. 582 00:30:34,035 --> 00:30:35,365 He's not a yuppy. 583 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,900 He's the reason why Cliff Notes were invented. 584 00:30:39,300 --> 00:30:41,265 Well, that pales in comparison... 585 00:30:41,300 --> 00:30:43,600 to the tweaked-out little skanks you date. 586 00:30:44,700 --> 00:30:46,065 To hell with it. What do I care? 587 00:30:46,100 --> 00:30:48,500 What do you care? And why are you acting... 588 00:30:48,700 --> 00:30:50,900 like a jealous boyfriend all of a sudden? 589 00:30:50,935 --> 00:30:54,300 I am not acting like anything. 590 00:30:54,335 --> 00:30:56,900 I am calmly reading. 591 00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:01,265 God. If something's bothering you that much... 592 00:31:01,300 --> 00:31:03,600 I wish you could just be man enough to talk to me about it. 593 00:31:05,300 --> 00:31:07,100 All right, Lelaina. 594 00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,200 I am really in love with you. 595 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:31,300 Is that what you want to hear? Is it? 596 00:31:31,335 --> 00:31:34,700 Well, don't flatter yourself. 597 00:31:38,300 --> 00:31:39,900 Go to hell. 598 00:31:52,900 --> 00:31:55,265 Since I've been manager here... 599 00:31:55,300 --> 00:31:59,800 our gross has increased over twenty percent. 600 00:31:59,835 --> 00:32:02,400 So... What? 601 00:32:02,435 --> 00:32:05,365 OK. OK. Um... 602 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:06,800 I guess I'm proud of that. 603 00:32:06,900 --> 00:32:09,465 Oh, please. Look at this sweater. 604 00:32:09,500 --> 00:32:12,200 People don't know. They don't know what it takes. 605 00:32:12,235 --> 00:32:14,565 I've never been a good example before... 606 00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:18,300 and, um... I've never been good with responsibility. 607 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,000 So, uh... I blame my parents, though. 608 00:32:21,100 --> 00:32:23,900 I think I was conceived on an acid trip. 609 00:32:25,300 --> 00:32:29,865 My parents got divorced when I was 5 years old. 610 00:32:29,900 --> 00:32:33,400 And I saw my father about three times a year after that. 611 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:37,400 And when he found out that he had cancer... 612 00:32:37,435 --> 00:32:39,365 he decided to bring me here... 613 00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:41,900 and he gives me this big pink sea shell... 614 00:32:41,935 --> 00:32:43,365 and he says to me... 615 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:46,400 "Son, the answers are all inside of this. " 616 00:32:46,435 --> 00:32:48,000 And I'm all, like, "What?" 617 00:32:48,100 --> 00:32:50,400 But then I realized that the shell was empty. 618 00:32:50,435 --> 00:32:51,900 There's no point to any of this. 619 00:32:51,935 --> 00:32:53,400 It's all just a... 620 00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:56,900 A random lottery of meaningless tragedy... 621 00:32:56,935 --> 00:32:59,300 and a series of near escapes. 622 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,900 So I take pleasure in the details, you know. 623 00:33:04,935 --> 00:33:08,200 A Quarter-Pounder with cheese. 624 00:33:08,300 --> 00:33:10,365 Those are good. 625 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:16,200 The sky about... ten minutes before it starts to rain. 626 00:33:16,300 --> 00:33:19,800 The moment where your laughter becomes a cackle. 627 00:33:21,300 --> 00:33:26,400 And I sit back, and I... I smoke my Camel straights. 628 00:33:28,500 --> 00:33:31,165 And I ride my own melt. 629 00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,400 Come on. Come on. No lagging. 630 00:33:33,500 --> 00:33:35,400 The free clinic A.I.D.S. test. 631 00:33:35,500 --> 00:33:38,100 The rite of passage for our generation. 632 00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,400 We're so lucky. Come on. 633 00:33:40,500 --> 00:33:44,900 So, Vick, why are you getting tested? 634 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,300 One of my friends tested positive. 635 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:52,000 To be on the safe side... you know. 636 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,500 Vickie Miner. 637 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:05,300 WOMAN, LOUDER: Vickie Miner. 638 00:34:09,700 --> 00:34:11,265 You can forget it. 639 00:34:11,300 --> 00:34:13,500 Come on, Grant. That... It's incredible. 640 00:34:13,535 --> 00:34:15,765 It's junk. Depressing junk. 641 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,600 You know my rules for the "Video View"... 642 00:34:17,700 --> 00:34:19,100 light and perky. 643 00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:23,500 Look, Lelaina, maybe I should talk to Grant alone about this. 644 00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:28,500 Look, she's got real talent... 645 00:34:28,535 --> 00:34:30,465 and I want to put her on staff. 646 00:34:30,500 --> 00:34:32,500 I will not have Miss Pierce on staff. 647 00:34:32,535 --> 00:34:34,500 I will walk out of here if that happens. 648 00:34:34,535 --> 00:34:35,965 You watch. 649 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,700 OK, calm down. It's no big deal. 650 00:34:38,735 --> 00:34:40,465 We don't have to have her. 651 00:34:40,500 --> 00:34:41,965 Besides, having to look... 652 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:44,000 at that girl's pointy little face all day... 653 00:34:44,035 --> 00:34:45,517 it would make me ill. 654 00:34:45,552 --> 00:34:46,965 Just get rid of her... 655 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,300 like I asked you to do in the first place. 656 00:34:56,700 --> 00:34:58,200 ...I'll get there. 657 00:34:58,300 --> 00:35:01,000 If I don't know where to go, I'll get there. 658 00:35:01,035 --> 00:35:02,700 If I don't know... 659 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:09,500 Ten seconds... 660 00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,000 nine, eight, seven... 661 00:35:12,100 --> 00:35:15,500 six, five, four... 662 00:35:25,100 --> 00:35:27,265 Is this a good morning or what? 663 00:35:27,300 --> 00:35:31,665 Ha ha ha! Well, with us today is Libby Kumbaugh... 664 00:35:31,700 --> 00:35:35,500 the author of this book... "Mommy, Why Do I Hate Myself? 665 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,200 "Self-Esteem for Parent and Child. " 666 00:35:38,300 --> 00:35:40,800 -Good morning, Libby. -Good morning, Grant. 667 00:35:40,900 --> 00:35:46,100 Good morning! Now, Libby... I'm concerned with self-esteem. 668 00:35:46,135 --> 00:35:48,200 Personally, I've always had an odd preference... 669 00:35:48,235 --> 00:35:50,600 for very, very young girls. 670 00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:54,700 I... 671 00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,200 Being a total prick... 672 00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:06,300 ...Iy pear, I... 673 00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:09,800 Why don't we welcome this audience again, huh? 674 00:36:09,900 --> 00:36:10,900 Good morning! 675 00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:16,065 I make more of a mess than Ruby does. 676 00:36:16,100 --> 00:36:18,100 Hi. You guys, we have to have a family meeting. 677 00:36:18,135 --> 00:36:19,400 Something's happened. 678 00:36:19,500 --> 00:36:21,300 Oh, no! They've discovered Nutrasweet causes you... 679 00:36:21,335 --> 00:36:22,565 to grow a third eye. 680 00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:24,100 Let me just say that everything's gonna be fine. 681 00:36:24,135 --> 00:36:25,617 Yeah, it's not a big deal. 682 00:36:25,652 --> 00:36:27,126 She'll just wear a patch over it. 683 00:36:27,161 --> 00:36:28,565 I'm working out a plan. 684 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:30,100 Yeah, there's a surgeon in Paris. 685 00:36:30,135 --> 00:36:31,565 He'll just remove it for free. 686 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,050 -Just don't panic. -It's not contagious. 687 00:36:34,085 --> 00:36:36,500 Would you shut up? I just got fired. 688 00:36:37,500 --> 00:36:38,400 Yeah. 689 00:36:38,500 --> 00:36:40,600 Oh, my god. What happened? 690 00:36:40,635 --> 00:36:43,100 You got fired? 691 00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:46,100 I mean, that just screws up my whole idea of good and evil. 692 00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:49,400 It's not like I had a hysterectomy or anything. 693 00:36:49,435 --> 00:36:52,600 I just... I got fired. I'll find something else, you know. 694 00:36:52,700 --> 00:36:54,600 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! 695 00:36:54,700 --> 00:36:56,465 You're hired. 696 00:36:56,500 --> 00:36:58,500 I need a part-timer. You need a job. 697 00:36:58,535 --> 00:36:59,600 That would be so cool. 698 00:36:59,700 --> 00:37:01,600 It's only, like, five dollars an hour. No big deal. 699 00:37:01,700 --> 00:37:03,100 But it's a pretty good opportunity. 700 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:04,600 Yeah, it's a dream come true. 701 00:37:04,700 --> 00:37:06,100 It is. 702 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,600 You know, Vick, I said I'm working out a plan. 703 00:37:08,700 --> 00:37:10,100 Yeah. So, what's the plan? 704 00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,100 I'm not gonna work at the Gap, for Christ's sake. 705 00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:14,700 OK? 706 00:37:15,700 --> 00:37:19,600 -No. I mean... -Oh, no. I'm so sorry. 707 00:37:19,700 --> 00:37:23,500 Oh, how stupid of me to try to drag you down to my level. 708 00:37:23,535 --> 00:37:27,200 -Vickie, you don't do this, OK? -Shut up. 709 00:37:27,235 --> 00:37:29,567 Come on. This is just... 710 00:37:29,602 --> 00:37:31,900 You know I didn't mean it. Vickie. 711 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,200 You see, this is where Troy was fired... 712 00:37:57,235 --> 00:37:58,665 from his eleventh job. 713 00:37:58,700 --> 00:38:01,200 He was an illustrious office cleaner. 714 00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:03,665 Now if you'll come this way, please... 715 00:38:03,700 --> 00:38:06,100 we will continue our short but happy walking tour... 716 00:38:06,135 --> 00:38:08,100 of the career of Troy Dyer. 717 00:38:08,300 --> 00:38:11,665 And here we have the newsstand... 718 00:38:11,700 --> 00:38:14,700 where Troy dared to ask the question... 719 00:38:14,735 --> 00:38:16,700 Are employee snacks subsidized? 720 00:38:18,100 --> 00:38:20,400 The answer... tragically, no. 721 00:38:20,435 --> 00:38:22,665 In total, he has been fired... 722 00:38:22,700 --> 00:38:25,200 from... yes, count them... twelve jobs. 723 00:38:25,300 --> 00:38:26,700 Twelve? Ouch. 724 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,200 So you shouldn't feel so bad. 725 00:38:29,300 --> 00:38:32,200 One of these mornings, I'm going to wake up before noon and... 726 00:38:32,300 --> 00:38:34,200 Ha ha. Yeah, right. 727 00:38:34,300 --> 00:38:37,200 And I'm gonna turn on the TV... 728 00:38:37,300 --> 00:38:39,200 and there Bryant Gumbel will be, and he'll say... 729 00:38:39,300 --> 00:38:41,365 "Today we have with us... 730 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:45,300 "the Pulitzer Prize winning documentarian Lelaina Pierce. 731 00:38:45,335 --> 00:38:49,200 "Lelaina, after your first film, Why Barbie Is Bad... " 732 00:38:50,700 --> 00:38:53,100 "You seem to have forgotten all about... 733 00:38:53,300 --> 00:38:54,900 "your best friend, Troy Dyer. " 734 00:38:54,935 --> 00:38:56,865 Troy who? 735 00:38:56,900 --> 00:38:58,400 What was that name again? 736 00:38:58,500 --> 00:39:01,100 Oh, right through the heart. 737 00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,800 I'll probably be working at the Whole Foods... 738 00:39:03,835 --> 00:39:04,765 playing warehouses... 739 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:06,700 hanging around places like the Radio Shack... 740 00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:08,400 screaming that I used to know you... 741 00:39:08,435 --> 00:39:10,217 and you'll be there in the lights... 742 00:39:10,252 --> 00:39:12,000 and you'll be all beautiful and shit. 743 00:39:12,100 --> 00:39:15,300 Oh, Troy. No, no, no. That'll never happen. 744 00:39:15,335 --> 00:39:18,300 They would never hire you at Whole Foods. 745 00:39:20,300 --> 00:39:23,450 You see, Lainie, this is all we need... 746 00:39:23,485 --> 00:39:26,600 a couple of smokes, a cup of coffee... 747 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,400 And a little bit of conversation. 748 00:39:30,500 --> 00:39:32,800 You and me and five bucks. 749 00:39:32,835 --> 00:39:34,300 You got it. 750 00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,300 -You know what? -Hmm? 751 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:47,100 -No, no, no. -What? 752 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:48,465 Troy, I can't. I can't. 753 00:39:48,500 --> 00:39:50,400 Why not? You never thought about it? 754 00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:52,800 Well, yes, of course I have, but I... 755 00:39:52,835 --> 00:39:53,965 But what? 756 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:55,765 I can't not be friends with you, OK? 757 00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:57,800 I don't want that. That's not what I'm talking about. 758 00:39:57,835 --> 00:40:01,800 I'm talking about a... you know, evolving. 759 00:40:01,835 --> 00:40:03,300 I just can't handle this right now. 760 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:05,800 I can't evolve right now. 761 00:40:05,900 --> 00:40:08,300 Why not? Because of Michael? 762 00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:09,800 No. 763 00:40:11,500 --> 00:40:14,400 Yeah. Yes. Yes. 764 00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,800 My parents got divorced when I was fourteen. 765 00:40:28,900 --> 00:40:30,965 My dad... the dog... 766 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:34,300 he remarried six months after the divorce. 767 00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:36,800 Wow. That's quick. How did everybody react? 768 00:40:36,900 --> 00:40:41,700 Um... my mom threatened to kill herself in front of me. 769 00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:43,765 Patty got drunk in her closet... 770 00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:45,800 every morning before junior high school. 771 00:40:45,835 --> 00:40:47,500 And you? 772 00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:50,365 Well, um... 773 00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:54,000 Somebody had to remember to take out the trash... 774 00:40:54,035 --> 00:40:57,467 sign the report cards, buy the milk. 775 00:40:57,502 --> 00:41:00,900 So, um... that kind of ended up being me. 776 00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,400 I don't want to get married... 777 00:41:02,500 --> 00:41:04,365 because I see how my parents are. 778 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:07,865 And they've been together, like, 26 years... 779 00:41:07,900 --> 00:41:10,600 and they're like brother and sister at this point. 780 00:41:10,635 --> 00:41:13,300 My mother goes to the bathroom with the door open. 781 00:41:13,335 --> 00:41:14,865 That's "A." 782 00:41:14,900 --> 00:41:16,700 And "B"... It's disgusting. 783 00:41:16,735 --> 00:41:18,465 I don't want any part of that. 784 00:41:18,500 --> 00:41:20,900 I want first kisses. I want passion... 785 00:41:20,935 --> 00:41:22,765 the whole way through. 786 00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:27,200 It's better than having to kiss your husband's ass all the time. 787 00:41:27,300 --> 00:41:28,765 Yeah. 788 00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:30,865 I think that your documentary... 789 00:41:30,900 --> 00:41:32,700 would be perfect for "In Your Face. " 790 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:35,765 -See? Forget it. -No. 791 00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:37,800 You're probably thinking more like, you know... 792 00:41:37,835 --> 00:41:39,365 P B.S. or something. 793 00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:41,800 No. No. You know what it is, though? 794 00:41:41,835 --> 00:41:44,500 It's that I.. Boy. 795 00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:46,400 OK, when I made this thing... 796 00:41:46,500 --> 00:41:48,900 I kind of made this promise to myself... 797 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:50,300 that I wasn't going to think about... 798 00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,700 where it was gonna end up because I didn't want to... 799 00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:56,300 unintentionally commercialize it. 800 00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:57,900 No, I think that's great. 801 00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:59,900 I mean, I think you should definitely... 802 00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:01,300 not unintentionally do anything... 803 00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:02,900 that you're not comfortable with. 804 00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:04,900 I mean, not that I would intentionally... 805 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:06,800 Well, plus it's not done yet, you know. 806 00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:09,300 Right. I know. I know. It was just a stupid... 807 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,800 You know... I got to go to New York on Wednesday... 808 00:42:11,900 --> 00:42:14,800 for this huge network meeting thing... 809 00:42:14,900 --> 00:42:17,900 which is totally... God, you would hate it. 810 00:42:17,935 --> 00:42:20,465 I hate it. I just... I just thought... 811 00:42:20,500 --> 00:42:22,465 that they would freak out over your tapes... 812 00:42:22,500 --> 00:42:24,900 because they never see anything that's really smart... 813 00:42:24,935 --> 00:42:29,500 and has real... you know, quality and is... 814 00:42:29,535 --> 00:42:31,365 good, like you and your work... 815 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:35,400 and I know I'm being selfish and... 816 00:42:35,435 --> 00:42:38,365 Michael, um... 817 00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,865 That is literally, literally... 818 00:42:41,900 --> 00:42:46,150 the nicest thing that anyone's ever said to me... 819 00:42:46,185 --> 00:42:50,400 the sweetest thing that anyone's ever said to me. 820 00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:00,900 So, what are you doing for the rest of your morning? 821 00:43:00,935 --> 00:43:02,900 What am... Oh, what am I doing? 822 00:43:02,935 --> 00:43:04,865 What am I doing? 823 00:43:04,900 --> 00:43:07,150 Ooh. Well, I have a job interview. 824 00:43:07,185 --> 00:43:09,400 Lelaina, this thing is from 1988. 825 00:43:09,435 --> 00:43:11,365 I know. Ha ha ha! 826 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:14,800 So you're, like... six years late. 827 00:43:22,300 --> 00:43:24,800 I thought the ad said that this was a job... 828 00:43:24,835 --> 00:43:26,665 for a production assistant. 829 00:43:26,700 --> 00:43:30,400 Yes. You will be assisting me... 830 00:43:30,500 --> 00:43:34,400 in the production of videotapes, all right? 831 00:43:34,500 --> 00:43:39,300 You're going to make copies for me... many copies. 832 00:43:39,335 --> 00:43:44,100 Oh, is this like a... like a pirate operation? 833 00:43:44,135 --> 00:43:47,100 Do I look like a pirate to you? 834 00:43:49,500 --> 00:43:51,900 Now, radio is all instinct, Lelaina. 835 00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,400 Do you know where all the radio comes from? 836 00:43:54,435 --> 00:43:56,700 The gut. It's all in the gut. 837 00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:58,800 Because when you think on your feet... 838 00:43:58,835 --> 00:44:00,265 got to go from your gut. 839 00:44:00,300 --> 00:44:03,300 And my gut is telling me that, uh... 840 00:44:03,335 --> 00:44:04,765 this isn't gonna work out. 841 00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,900 Maybe your gut's just saying you're hungry or... 842 00:44:07,935 --> 00:44:11,000 Oh, no, no, no, no. It's telling me that, uh... 843 00:44:11,100 --> 00:44:13,400 you're overqualified for this job. 844 00:44:13,435 --> 00:44:16,700 I'm really not that smart. 845 00:44:18,500 --> 00:44:20,700 No offense, sweetie, but you don't have... 846 00:44:20,735 --> 00:44:22,865 any experience on a newspaper. You're TV. 847 00:44:22,900 --> 00:44:26,300 Well, I'm trying to make my transition to print journalism. 848 00:44:26,335 --> 00:44:27,765 Ah. Why? 849 00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:29,800 Well, newspapers are the last watchdogs... 850 00:44:29,835 --> 00:44:31,265 of our... our government. 851 00:44:31,300 --> 00:44:33,100 They enforce the checks and balances. 852 00:44:33,135 --> 00:44:34,900 And one half-hour of TV only adds up to... 853 00:44:34,935 --> 00:44:36,700 OK. All right. 854 00:44:36,735 --> 00:44:39,100 Define irony. 855 00:44:39,300 --> 00:44:41,400 Irony. Uh... 856 00:44:41,435 --> 00:44:42,865 Irony. 857 00:44:42,900 --> 00:44:44,365 It's a noun. 858 00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,300 It's when something is... 859 00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:48,865 ironic. It's, uh... 860 00:44:48,900 --> 00:44:52,200 Well, I can't really define irony... 861 00:44:52,235 --> 00:44:53,900 but I know it when I see it! 862 00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:18,565 Hey. Hey. 863 00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:20,900 Oh, my god. I've never been so glad... 864 00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:22,900 to see anyone in my entire life. 865 00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:24,900 This day has been the biggest nightmare. 866 00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:26,900 I mean, these job interviews, Troy... 867 00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:29,900 the word vivisection, a staggering understatement. 868 00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:32,165 Can you define irony? 869 00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,500 It's when the actual meaning is the complete opposite... 870 00:45:34,535 --> 00:45:36,200 from the literal meaning. 871 00:45:36,235 --> 00:45:39,800 Yeah. My god. 872 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:44,000 Where were you when I needed you today? 873 00:45:44,100 --> 00:45:45,965 I... I should go. 874 00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:49,500 Oh, come on. Isn't there some statute of limitations... 875 00:45:49,535 --> 00:45:51,600 for embarrassing incidents? 876 00:45:54,100 --> 00:45:56,300 Your bravado was embarrassing. 877 00:45:59,700 --> 00:46:02,565 Hey, Troy, come on. 878 00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:04,900 You can stay with me for one cigarette. 879 00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:08,100 I know you can stay with me for one cigarette. 880 00:46:08,135 --> 00:46:11,200 You, me, five bucks, good conversation. 881 00:46:11,300 --> 00:46:12,800 Right? 882 00:46:14,700 --> 00:46:15,900 Lainie... 883 00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:20,950 Troy, you haven't been home in four days. 884 00:46:20,985 --> 00:46:23,900 I mean, where have you been sleeping? 885 00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:28,200 I got to go. 886 00:46:34,900 --> 00:46:38,600 Mom, I need to talk to you about a loan. 887 00:46:44,100 --> 00:46:45,700 Is it for drugs? 888 00:46:47,900 --> 00:46:50,500 No. No, it's not for drugs. 889 00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:53,500 I was f... I lost my job. 890 00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:56,000 But you shouldn't have any trouble... 891 00:46:56,100 --> 00:46:57,700 finding another job, sugar bugger. 892 00:46:57,735 --> 00:46:59,365 No. See, I tried. 893 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,000 I applied for every single opening in my field... 894 00:47:02,100 --> 00:47:05,400 but there's just... There's nothing right now. 895 00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:10,800 Hmm. Well... then I hate to say it but... 896 00:47:10,900 --> 00:47:12,300 times are hard. 897 00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:14,300 You're just gonna have to swallow your pride. 898 00:47:16,100 --> 00:47:19,100 Why don't you get a job at Burgerama? They'll hire you. 899 00:47:19,135 --> 00:47:21,165 My lord, I saw on the TV... 900 00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:25,100 they had this little retarded boy working the cash register. 901 00:47:25,135 --> 00:47:28,565 Because I'm not retarded, mom. 902 00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:31,500 I was valedictorian of my university. 903 00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:36,200 Well, you don't have to put that down on your application. 904 00:47:43,100 --> 00:47:45,065 Miss Pierce, do you have any idea... 905 00:47:45,100 --> 00:47:48,565 what it means to be a cashier at Wiener Schnitzel? 906 00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:52,400 Yeah. It's, uh... taking orders and making change, and, uh... 907 00:47:52,435 --> 00:47:53,565 "thank you. " 908 00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:55,265 No. It's a juggling act. 909 00:47:55,300 --> 00:47:59,800 A juggling act? You mean, like, metaphorically? 910 00:47:59,900 --> 00:48:02,600 No. I mean, you got people coming at you from the front... 911 00:48:02,635 --> 00:48:05,100 coming at you from the back, from the sides... 912 00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:07,100 people at the condiment exchange... 913 00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:10,300 people at the drive-thru, kids on bikes... 914 00:48:10,335 --> 00:48:12,600 and they're all depending on who? 915 00:48:12,700 --> 00:48:14,100 -Me? -Yeah. 916 00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:16,600 You got time to lean, you got time to clean, buddy. 917 00:48:16,700 --> 00:48:17,965 All right? 918 00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:20,100 You got to be 150 percent on your toes... 919 00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:21,700 150 percent of the time. 920 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:24,600 There you go, sir. And have a 'tude, wiener dude. 921 00:48:24,700 --> 00:48:26,200 All rightie. 922 00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,600 OK. I'm going to throw a few numbers out at you... 923 00:48:29,700 --> 00:48:32,400 and you put them together in your head as quick as you can. 924 00:48:32,435 --> 00:48:33,465 -OK? -OK. 925 00:48:33,500 --> 00:48:35,000 Eighty-five and forty-five. Go. 926 00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:37,400 One... forty? 927 00:48:37,435 --> 00:48:38,200 Nope. 928 00:48:38,300 --> 00:48:40,465 -One... fifty? -Nope. 929 00:48:40,500 --> 00:48:43,100 -One-sixty? -It's not an auction. 930 00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:47,900 Miss Pierce, there's a reason I've been here six months. 931 00:49:06,300 --> 00:49:07,700 WEATHERMAN: For the entire summertime... 932 00:49:07,735 --> 00:49:08,965 occurring in one day. 933 00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,000 Then last night we had snow reports in Utah. 934 00:49:11,035 --> 00:49:12,500 Today reports of I-70... 935 00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:17,665 Royalton Hotel. 936 00:49:17,700 --> 00:49:19,200 Oh, hi. Is this the Royalton Hotel? 937 00:49:19,235 --> 00:49:20,665 That's what I said. 938 00:49:20,700 --> 00:49:22,165 Oh, sorry. I didn't hear you. 939 00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:24,700 I'm looking for a guest there. His name is Michael Grates. 940 00:49:24,735 --> 00:49:26,600 Hold one moment, please. 941 00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:30,765 That guest is out. 942 00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:32,665 Would you like to leave a message? 943 00:49:32,700 --> 00:49:34,900 Oh... no. That's OK. I'll just try again later. 944 00:49:34,935 --> 00:49:36,200 Thanks. 945 00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:44,700 Hi. I'm Cheryl Goode and welcome to "Wedgie"... 946 00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:46,200 the world of hip couture. 947 00:49:46,300 --> 00:49:48,700 This week, we're in south-central Los Angeles... 948 00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:50,700 at the intersection of Florence and Normandy... 949 00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:52,700 the flashpoint of fashion. 950 00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:55,400 The phattest gangsta trend will increase your peace. 951 00:49:55,435 --> 00:49:57,200 This bandanna by Donna Karin... 952 00:49:57,300 --> 00:49:59,700 is blue for Crips, red for Bloods... 953 00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:01,500 and only costs seventy-five dollars. 954 00:50:31,300 --> 00:50:33,300 Lainie, have you seen a pack of guitar strings? 955 00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:35,400 I have to bring them to the club. 956 00:50:35,500 --> 00:50:37,065 You know, I hope he knows... 957 00:50:37,100 --> 00:50:40,300 that he still has to pay some rent around here. 958 00:50:40,335 --> 00:50:42,265 I mean... Ha ha. 959 00:50:42,300 --> 00:50:45,100 I don't know where he thinks he's spending his nights, but... 960 00:50:46,500 --> 00:50:48,000 Do you know? 961 00:50:50,300 --> 00:50:53,500 I'm late for a jean-folding seminar. Let's locomote. 962 00:51:00,100 --> 00:51:02,300 Now you can call your own personal psychic... 963 00:51:02,335 --> 00:51:04,300 anytime 24 hours a day... 964 00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:07,500 thanks to the nationwide Psychic Discovery Network. 965 00:51:07,535 --> 00:51:09,417 You can pick up the phone and talk directly... 966 00:51:09,452 --> 00:51:11,300 with an established professional psychic... 967 00:51:11,335 --> 00:51:13,400 in the privacy of your own home. 968 00:51:13,500 --> 00:51:16,500 I was unhappy in my career, and I needed a change. 969 00:51:16,535 --> 00:51:18,265 But I didn't know what to do. 970 00:51:18,300 --> 00:51:22,500 It's just that nothing is going down according to plan. 971 00:51:22,535 --> 00:51:25,300 I mean, my best friend... 972 00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:27,800 I feel like I've lost him forever... 973 00:51:27,900 --> 00:51:32,300 and he was like my touchstone, you know. 974 00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:33,800 WOMAN ON TELEPHONE: This man... 975 00:51:33,900 --> 00:51:36,065 does his name start with the letter "N"? 976 00:51:36,100 --> 00:51:40,800 Because I'm getting a very strong "N" vibration. 977 00:51:40,900 --> 00:51:43,300 Newsstand. "N," newsstand. 978 00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:44,800 He used to work at a newsstand. 979 00:51:44,900 --> 00:51:46,300 Uh-huh. 980 00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:48,900 Oh, god. This is unbelievable. 981 00:51:48,935 --> 00:51:51,365 Honey, that's not all I'm getting. 982 00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:54,400 There are people I know from high school... 983 00:51:54,435 --> 00:51:58,400 who are already married and having babies. 984 00:51:58,435 --> 00:52:01,465 I mean, babies, OK? 985 00:52:01,500 --> 00:52:03,150 I can't even take care of a Chia Pet. 986 00:52:03,185 --> 00:52:04,800 Well, honey, I didn't have kids... 987 00:52:04,900 --> 00:52:06,800 until I was on my third husband. 988 00:52:06,900 --> 00:52:08,300 Oh, really? 989 00:52:08,335 --> 00:52:09,700 All Geminis. 990 00:52:11,900 --> 00:52:14,000 You know what I think, Tanell? 991 00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:17,150 I think you still really love Monty. 992 00:52:17,185 --> 00:52:19,300 Yeah, you're probably right... 993 00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:20,800 but it don't matter now. 994 00:52:20,900 --> 00:52:22,800 Oh, yes, it does, Tanell. 995 00:52:22,900 --> 00:52:26,800 I know you're afraid, but you've got to find him... 996 00:52:26,900 --> 00:52:29,900 and you've got to tell him how you really feel. 997 00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:32,700 Find him? I got... 998 00:52:32,735 --> 00:52:34,200 Lelaina. 999 00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:36,900 We need to talk to you. 1000 00:52:40,100 --> 00:52:42,500 Hold on, Tanell. Hold on. 1001 00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:44,465 I'm on the phone. 1002 00:52:44,500 --> 00:52:45,800 Yeah, I can see that... 1003 00:52:45,900 --> 00:52:48,300 and we have a four-hundred and six dollar phone bill... 1004 00:52:48,335 --> 00:52:51,517 mainly due to some calls to a 1-900 number. 1005 00:52:51,552 --> 00:52:54,665 Lelaina, I'm so seriously troubled... 1006 00:52:54,700 --> 00:52:56,700 Listen, we'd help you out, but we're broke, too. 1007 00:52:56,735 --> 00:52:58,700 And you know we can't afford a new deposit... 1008 00:52:58,735 --> 00:53:01,100 if the phone gets shut off. 1009 00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:06,800 Maybe you could borrow the money from Michael. 1010 00:53:06,835 --> 00:53:09,200 No, Sammy. Jesus. 1011 00:53:09,300 --> 00:53:11,465 Lainie, what are you doing? 1012 00:53:11,500 --> 00:53:14,100 What are you doing? You lay on that couch all day. 1013 00:53:14,200 --> 00:53:15,700 Those pajamas are like your uniform. 1014 00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:18,100 You run up a four-hundred dollar phone bill. 1015 00:53:18,135 --> 00:53:19,765 You watch TV. You chain-smoke. 1016 00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:21,700 You don't go outside. You don't do anything. 1017 00:53:21,735 --> 00:53:24,265 Man, you are in the bell jar. 1018 00:53:24,300 --> 00:53:30,200 Look, this is my apartment. I signed the lease. 1019 00:53:30,300 --> 00:53:33,700 I let you move in here when you had no job, no money... 1020 00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:35,700 and you sponged off me for two months! 1021 00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:37,265 Sponged? Uh-huh. 1022 00:53:37,300 --> 00:53:38,800 And now Miss Big Power Marm... 1023 00:53:38,900 --> 00:53:40,200 Miss "I'm manager of the Gap now"... 1024 00:53:40,300 --> 00:53:42,300 you think you can just come in here and push me around?! 1025 00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:44,365 She's not being pushy. 1026 00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:48,100 Sammy, what are you even doing here? You don't live here! 1027 00:53:48,135 --> 00:53:50,265 Hey, my little unemployed waif... 1028 00:53:50,300 --> 00:53:53,100 you're the one who's looking for work now, OK? 1029 00:53:53,135 --> 00:53:55,900 God, you're really enjoying this, aren't you? 1030 00:53:55,935 --> 00:53:57,265 You're high. 1031 00:53:57,300 --> 00:53:59,900 Why don't you go take a walk outside and get some fresh air? 1032 00:54:01,500 --> 00:54:04,200 You've been waiting for this since the day we met. 1033 00:54:04,300 --> 00:54:06,500 Who told you that? Your psychic partner? 1034 00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,800 I'll tell you the problem with your generation. 1035 00:54:12,835 --> 00:54:14,265 You don't have any work ethic. 1036 00:54:14,300 --> 00:54:16,265 Now, you take your friend Troy, for example. 1037 00:54:16,300 --> 00:54:18,800 I went out of my way to set up an interview for him... 1038 00:54:18,835 --> 00:54:20,800 and he didn't even bother to show up. 1039 00:54:22,300 --> 00:54:25,550 That wasn't his fault. He asked me to call and cancel. 1040 00:54:25,585 --> 00:54:28,765 And everything was going on. And it slipped my mind. 1041 00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:32,050 And I'm... sorry, but, you know, I have a work ethic, dad. 1042 00:54:32,085 --> 00:54:35,692 I have a very strong work ethic, you know. Ask anyone. 1043 00:54:35,727 --> 00:54:38,513 Then all you got to do is show some ingenuity, hmm? 1044 00:54:38,548 --> 00:54:41,300 Darling, I love you, and I hate to break your plate... 1045 00:54:41,335 --> 00:54:43,265 but you got to grow up sometime. 1046 00:54:43,300 --> 00:54:47,300 Now, I want you to go out there and show me some ingenuity, hmm? 1047 00:55:03,500 --> 00:55:06,400 Let me talk with you, my baby 1048 00:55:06,435 --> 00:55:08,767 It is bad to say that maybe 1049 00:55:08,802 --> 00:55:11,101 It is time for you to say we 1050 00:55:11,136 --> 00:55:13,400 Came to share a point of view 1051 00:55:13,435 --> 00:55:15,300 Living in the never-never 1052 00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:18,450 Dropping out of here together 1053 00:55:18,485 --> 00:55:21,500 I could spend some time forever 1054 00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:24,400 With a girl like you, let me hear you say 1055 00:55:24,435 --> 00:55:28,300 Let's go, ooh 1056 00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:33,900 You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah 1057 00:55:33,935 --> 00:55:36,665 Let's go 1058 00:55:36,700 --> 00:55:38,665 Ooh, ooh, ooh 1059 00:55:38,700 --> 00:55:42,700 You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah 1060 00:55:42,735 --> 00:55:45,600 Right here on earth. 1061 00:55:45,700 --> 00:55:49,300 Looking for tomorrow 1062 00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:54,400 Can you see us one day? 1063 00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:59,000 Beg or steal or borrow 1064 00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:04,300 We could live forever 1065 00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:08,600 Never to say never 1066 00:56:08,635 --> 00:56:11,200 You will be for me 1067 00:56:11,300 --> 00:56:14,600 I will fight for you, now 1068 00:56:14,700 --> 00:56:16,565 Let's go 1069 00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:18,500 Ooh, ooh, ooh 1070 00:56:18,600 --> 00:56:22,700 You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah... 1071 00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:28,900 Well, that solves our first problem. 1072 00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:30,900 Rent's due this week. 1073 00:56:34,300 --> 00:56:35,765 Well, well. 1074 00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:39,600 Look who finally decided to grace us with his... 1075 00:56:41,100 --> 00:56:42,465 Presence. 1076 00:56:42,500 --> 00:56:44,800 This is... This is, uh, Jean. 1077 00:56:44,900 --> 00:56:45,965 Janine. 1078 00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:51,000 Uh, Janine. Janine. It's a little loud in the club. 1079 00:56:51,100 --> 00:56:52,500 Excuse me. 1080 00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:55,400 Can't stay here, Troy. 1081 00:56:55,500 --> 00:56:57,900 I'm just gonna pick something up. 1082 00:56:58,000 --> 00:56:59,300 Well... 1083 00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:03,300 Mission accomplished. Now leave. 1084 00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:05,165 I think maybe I'm gonna wait... 1085 00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:07,500 Always the mistress of etiquette, huh, Lainie? 1086 00:57:07,535 --> 00:57:08,965 Just out of curiosity... 1087 00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:11,100 why are you suddenly acting like a jealous girlfriend? 1088 00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:13,700 All right. We're just trying to pay bills here, OK? 1089 00:57:13,735 --> 00:57:15,965 So, Troy, if you got any money... 1090 00:57:16,000 --> 00:57:19,600 Money? Oh, but what's money to an artist? 1091 00:57:19,635 --> 00:57:23,200 To a philosopher? It's just green-colored paper... 1092 00:57:23,300 --> 00:57:25,465 that floats in and out of his life like snow. 1093 00:57:25,500 --> 00:57:27,900 It's nothing you actually have to, I don't know, work for... 1094 00:57:27,935 --> 00:57:29,100 is it, Troy? 1095 00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:30,800 No, not if you have daddy's little gas card. 1096 00:57:30,835 --> 00:57:32,265 You shut up! 1097 00:57:32,300 --> 00:57:34,900 You shut up! I busted my ass to find a job, any job! 1098 00:57:34,935 --> 00:57:37,117 You don't even bother showing up for interviews! 1099 00:57:37,152 --> 00:57:39,300 What is it that you want from me? Huh? What is it? 1100 00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:40,800 You want me to get a job on the line... 1101 00:57:40,900 --> 00:57:42,465 for the next 20 years, until I'm granted leave... 1102 00:57:42,500 --> 00:57:44,850 with my gold-plated watch and my balls full of tumors... 1103 00:57:44,885 --> 00:57:47,200 because I surrendered the one thing that means shit to me? 1104 00:57:47,235 --> 00:57:48,665 Well, honey, you can just exhale... 1105 00:57:48,700 --> 00:57:51,600 because it's not gonna happen, not in this lifetime. 1106 00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:54,600 All right, fine! You don't want to work, fine! 1107 00:57:54,635 --> 00:57:56,065 Lainie, goddamn it! 1108 00:57:56,100 --> 00:57:58,600 You want to be a band, then be a goddamn band! 1109 00:57:58,635 --> 00:58:00,100 Rehearse every day! Play every night! 1110 00:58:00,135 --> 00:58:01,565 Play three times a night! 1111 00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:05,600 Don't just dick around the same coffeehouse for five years! 1112 00:58:05,700 --> 00:58:08,600 Don't dick around with her or with me. 1113 00:58:08,700 --> 00:58:10,600 I mean, try at something, for once in your life! 1114 00:58:10,700 --> 00:58:12,665 Do something about it, but you know what? 1115 00:58:12,700 --> 00:58:15,100 You better do it now, and you better do it fast... 1116 00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:17,700 because the world doesn't owe you any favors... 1117 00:58:17,735 --> 00:58:19,165 and whether you know it or not... 1118 00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:21,400 you're on the inside track to Loserville, U.S.A... 1119 00:58:21,435 --> 00:58:23,700 just like him. 1120 00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:36,100 OK. It's just too psychotic in here now. 1121 00:58:36,135 --> 00:58:38,600 All right, Lelaina, let's go for a walk. 1122 00:58:39,900 --> 00:58:40,900 Fine. 1123 00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:45,200 Come on, man. Let them go. 1124 00:58:47,700 --> 00:58:51,400 With pleasure, my friends. With pleasure. Ha. 1125 00:58:51,500 --> 00:58:53,700 "With pleasure"? You know who I really feel sorry for... 1126 00:58:53,735 --> 00:58:55,000 is that poor girl. 1127 00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:57,350 Oh, how about when he sneaks his laundry in with ours? 1128 00:58:57,385 --> 00:58:59,500 It's like I'm pulling that stuff out of the dryer... 1129 00:58:59,535 --> 00:59:01,000 and there's five pairs of his boxers... 1130 00:59:01,035 --> 00:59:02,465 I just washed unknowingly. 1131 00:59:02,500 --> 00:59:04,250 No, I'll just throw it back in his face. 1132 00:59:04,285 --> 00:59:06,392 Yeah, like I'm gonna do his laundry. Yeah. 1133 00:59:06,427 --> 00:59:08,500 He's weird. He's strange. He's sloppy. 1134 00:59:08,535 --> 00:59:10,565 He's a total nightmare for women. 1135 00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:13,500 I can't believe I haven't slept with him yet. 1136 00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:16,400 Do you ever wish you were a lesbian? 1137 00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:20,400 Don't you think it would be so much easier? 1138 00:59:21,900 --> 00:59:24,365 Sometimes, but... 1139 00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:26,650 Nah. I couldn't go through with it. 1140 00:59:26,685 --> 00:59:28,942 I'd start laughing or something. 1141 00:59:28,977 --> 00:59:31,200 But it's such a shame... 1142 00:59:31,400 --> 00:59:33,450 because I am so through with men. 1143 00:59:33,485 --> 00:59:35,492 If one more guy walks out on me... 1144 00:59:35,527 --> 00:59:37,465 I don't even know what. I swear. 1145 00:59:37,500 --> 00:59:39,600 What are you talking about... 1146 00:59:39,635 --> 00:59:41,700 Walk out on you? You walk out on them. 1147 00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:43,165 I've seen you. 1148 00:59:43,200 --> 00:59:45,300 You're out the door before the condom comes off. 1149 00:59:46,300 --> 00:59:48,800 Listen to me, I'm just beating them to the punch. 1150 00:59:48,835 --> 00:59:50,000 OK. 1151 00:59:53,100 --> 00:59:56,000 You don't even know I'm sitting here... 1152 00:59:56,100 --> 00:59:57,600 maybe... 1153 00:59:59,100 --> 01:00:00,900 Probably dying of A.I.D.S. 1154 01:00:07,900 --> 01:00:10,900 And I'm totally alone. 1155 01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:16,500 Vickie... 1156 01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:19,965 Well, uh... 1157 01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:21,700 you're not alone. 1158 01:00:23,700 --> 01:00:27,500 Hey. Look, I'm sorry for everything I said... 1159 01:00:27,535 --> 01:00:30,817 and I'm sorry for being such a bitch... 1160 01:00:30,852 --> 01:00:33,976 but I have to tell you, you're not alone. 1161 01:00:34,011 --> 01:00:37,055 You're not, and you're not dying of A.I.D.S. 1162 01:00:37,090 --> 01:00:40,100 You don't understand. Every day, all day... 1163 01:00:40,135 --> 01:00:42,600 it's all that I think about, OK? 1164 01:00:42,635 --> 01:00:44,065 Every time I sneeze... 1165 01:00:44,100 --> 01:00:47,100 it's like I'm four sneezes away from the hospice. 1166 01:00:47,135 --> 01:00:49,267 And it's like it's not even happening to me. 1167 01:00:49,302 --> 01:00:51,400 It's like I'm watching it on some crappy show... 1168 01:00:51,600 --> 01:00:52,900 like "Melrose Place" or some shit, right? 1169 01:00:52,935 --> 01:00:54,165 And I'm the new character. 1170 01:00:54,200 --> 01:00:55,665 I'm the H.I.V.-A.I.D.S. character... 1171 01:00:55,700 --> 01:00:57,800 and I live in the building, and I teach everybody... 1172 01:00:57,835 --> 01:00:59,900 that it's OK to be near me, it's OK to talk to me... 1173 01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:01,400 and then I die... 1174 01:01:01,500 --> 01:01:03,400 and there's everybody at my funeral... 1175 01:01:03,500 --> 01:01:06,000 wearing halter tops and chokers or some shit like that. 1176 01:01:07,300 --> 01:01:09,965 Vickie, stop, OK? Just stop. 1177 01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:12,150 You're freaking out, and you know what? 1178 01:01:12,185 --> 01:01:14,265 You're gonna have to deal with the results. 1179 01:01:14,300 --> 01:01:16,100 Whatever they are, we're gonna have to deal with them... 1180 01:01:16,135 --> 01:01:17,867 just like we've dealt with everything else. 1181 01:01:17,902 --> 01:01:19,600 This isn't like everything else. 1182 01:01:19,635 --> 01:01:21,800 I know that, all right? 1183 01:01:21,900 --> 01:01:24,600 But it's gonna be OK, you know? 1184 01:01:24,635 --> 01:01:26,300 I know it's gonna be OK. 1185 01:01:31,100 --> 01:01:34,600 "Melrose Place" is a really good show. 1186 01:01:42,700 --> 01:01:45,200 WOMAN ON LOUDSPEAKER: Lelaina Pierce. 1187 01:01:46,500 --> 01:01:49,300 Is there a Lelaina Pierce here? 1188 01:01:52,200 --> 01:01:53,500 Yeah. 1189 01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:02,100 Hello. Lelaina? 1190 01:02:02,135 --> 01:02:03,300 Ha ha! Hi! 1191 01:02:03,400 --> 01:02:04,900 Look, I had to call you right away. 1192 01:02:05,100 --> 01:02:06,600 Listen, listen. Don't kill me, OK? 1193 01:02:06,635 --> 01:02:07,800 What? What? 1194 01:02:07,900 --> 01:02:09,400 I took the tape, and I showed it. 1195 01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:11,065 No. 1196 01:02:11,100 --> 01:02:13,700 Wait, wait, wait. Listen. They freaked out. 1197 01:02:13,735 --> 01:02:15,200 They want to buy them. 1198 01:02:15,235 --> 01:02:17,067 -No. -Yes. 1199 01:02:17,102 --> 01:02:18,865 They liked it? 1200 01:02:18,900 --> 01:02:21,400 No, no. I mean, they, like, psychotically loved it. 1201 01:02:21,435 --> 01:02:23,900 They want to pay you for it. 1202 01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:25,865 I know this isn't P B.S., but is this OK? 1203 01:02:25,900 --> 01:02:28,700 Yes! I was this close to selling fruit at intersections. 1204 01:02:28,735 --> 01:02:30,665 Well, don't, all right? Don't. 1205 01:02:30,700 --> 01:02:32,300 Just hang on, and I'm gonna get you some money... 1206 01:02:32,335 --> 01:02:34,000 and I'm gonna be down there in a few days... 1207 01:02:34,035 --> 01:02:35,265 and I just... I'm just, like... 1208 01:02:35,300 --> 01:02:37,100 I'm thinking about you every second here. 1209 01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:40,265 Hello! Hello! Hello! 1210 01:02:40,300 --> 01:02:41,800 Hello! Can you hear me now? 1211 01:02:41,835 --> 01:02:43,800 Where are you? 1212 01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:45,265 I'm in a phone booth. 1213 01:02:45,300 --> 01:02:47,365 Why are you on a cellular phone? 1214 01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:49,800 I don't know. I have no idea. I'm just... 1215 01:02:49,900 --> 01:02:53,400 Michael, Michael, Michael, I... I really miss you! 1216 01:02:53,435 --> 01:02:55,700 I really miss you, too. I love you. Oh! Whoa! 1217 01:02:55,735 --> 01:02:58,700 I mean... I mean... you amaze me. 1218 01:02:58,735 --> 01:03:00,567 No! You amaze me! 1219 01:03:00,602 --> 01:03:02,251 Hello? 1220 01:03:02,286 --> 01:03:03,865 Can you hear me? 1221 01:03:03,900 --> 01:03:05,900 Michael, I'm losing you. 1222 01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:08,700 I'm gonna call you back. Wait. What? 1223 01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:17,700 Pay phone outside... always amazes me. 1224 01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:19,300 Hey. 1225 01:03:20,300 --> 01:03:22,300 "Try me. I'm free. " 1226 01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:26,800 Good mag. Good mag. 1227 01:03:29,100 --> 01:03:32,600 -Negatory. -Yeah! All right! 1228 01:03:32,800 --> 01:03:35,100 Did you hear that? Negative! 1229 01:03:35,300 --> 01:03:38,000 Here. Let me see that. 1230 01:03:38,035 --> 01:03:40,665 Hey, hey! All rightie! 1231 01:03:40,700 --> 01:03:42,700 Thanks for the help, Lainie. 1232 01:03:42,735 --> 01:03:44,700 A celebration zoom. 1233 01:03:44,735 --> 01:03:47,465 OK. Enough. 1234 01:03:47,500 --> 01:03:49,700 -Ma! -I'm right here, son. 1235 01:03:49,735 --> 01:03:51,665 -Ma. -Yeah? 1236 01:03:51,700 --> 01:03:56,000 I have to tell you some... thing. 1237 01:03:56,035 --> 01:04:01,300 I am... a... homo... sexual. 1238 01:04:02,300 --> 01:04:06,800 Oh, Christ. Is there a support group that I can join... 1239 01:04:06,835 --> 01:04:10,300 to help me come to terms with my own homophobia? 1240 01:04:10,335 --> 01:04:12,265 Yes, there is... 1241 01:04:12,300 --> 01:04:14,765 a group which is named P F L.A.G.... 1242 01:04:14,800 --> 01:04:19,700 Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. 1243 01:04:20,700 --> 01:04:23,665 Oh. Oh. P F L.A.G. 1244 01:04:23,700 --> 01:04:27,000 I'm beginning to like the sound of that. 1245 01:04:29,500 --> 01:04:32,200 What you've just witnessed here is a preenactment... 1246 01:04:32,235 --> 01:04:35,000 of events that are about to take place. 1247 01:04:37,300 --> 01:04:44,000 Well... I came out to her, and... 1248 01:04:44,100 --> 01:04:47,800 she's still a little bit upset. 1249 01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:49,800 But you know... 1250 01:04:51,400 --> 01:04:53,800 You know, I think the real reason... 1251 01:04:53,900 --> 01:04:56,065 that I've been celibate for so long... 1252 01:04:56,100 --> 01:04:59,800 isn't really because I'm that terrified of the big "A"... 1253 01:04:59,900 --> 01:05:02,400 but because I can't really start my life... 1254 01:05:02,435 --> 01:05:04,900 without being honest about who I am and... 1255 01:05:06,900 --> 01:05:09,200 SAMMY ON TAPE: I want to be in there, too. 1256 01:05:09,400 --> 01:05:14,200 I want to feel miserable and happy and all of that. 1257 01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:16,200 I mean, I... 1258 01:05:16,400 --> 01:05:18,200 I want to... 1259 01:05:20,500 --> 01:05:23,300 I want to be let back in the house. 1260 01:05:33,800 --> 01:05:37,400 Hello. Oh, hi. 1261 01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:39,865 Um... sorry. 1262 01:05:39,900 --> 01:05:42,900 Just... the door was... 1263 01:05:42,935 --> 01:05:44,100 So I just, um... 1264 01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:47,400 Yeah, she's getting dressed. 1265 01:05:49,400 --> 01:05:50,500 Great. 1266 01:06:00,500 --> 01:06:02,000 I'll just... 1267 01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:12,800 Oh, I, um... I don't know if she told you... 1268 01:06:12,835 --> 01:06:14,265 but I just came back from New York... 1269 01:06:14,300 --> 01:06:17,400 with the tapes that she made, and the stuff of you... 1270 01:06:17,435 --> 01:06:19,565 it's really... it's really great stuff. 1271 01:06:19,600 --> 01:06:22,900 Really. That whole... that whole thing about... 1272 01:06:22,935 --> 01:06:26,400 "Nobody can eat all the eggs," that was... 1273 01:06:26,435 --> 01:06:27,865 that was really... 1274 01:06:27,900 --> 01:06:29,900 I was quoting Cool Hand Luke. 1275 01:06:31,600 --> 01:06:34,550 Yeah. That's OK. I mean... That's... I know. 1276 01:06:34,585 --> 01:06:37,500 It's... I mean... You know... It's still... It's... 1277 01:06:38,100 --> 01:06:40,000 Hi. 1278 01:06:40,100 --> 01:06:42,400 -Hi. -Hi. 1279 01:06:42,500 --> 01:06:44,700 What happened to your normal clothes? 1280 01:06:44,800 --> 01:06:46,850 Wow! Lelaina, look at you. 1281 01:06:46,885 --> 01:06:49,892 You look... Where'd you get that dress? 1282 01:06:49,927 --> 01:06:52,900 Oh, um... I don't know. I just bought it. 1283 01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:55,600 But I think I'm gonna go change because... 1284 01:06:55,635 --> 01:06:56,900 No, don't. You look beautiful. 1285 01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:59,300 You look like... You look like... 1286 01:06:59,335 --> 01:07:00,800 A doily. 1287 01:07:04,400 --> 01:07:06,865 -I'm gonna change. -No, don't change. 1288 01:07:06,900 --> 01:07:09,100 And don't go thinking for yourself either, Lainie. 1289 01:07:09,200 --> 01:07:11,300 Hey, what is your glitch, huh? 1290 01:07:11,335 --> 01:07:13,100 My "glitch"? 1291 01:07:13,200 --> 01:07:15,965 You know what? We're already late. 1292 01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:18,250 No, no, no, no. Hang on a second here. 1293 01:07:18,285 --> 01:07:20,542 Do you have, like, a problem with me or something? 1294 01:07:20,577 --> 01:07:22,888 Because if you do, let's just get this out, all right? 1295 01:07:22,923 --> 01:07:25,611 Seriously, is there, like... I mean, have I, like, uh... 1296 01:07:25,646 --> 01:07:28,300 stepped over some line in the sands of coolness with you? 1297 01:07:28,335 --> 01:07:30,065 Because.. Because... No, no, no. Excuse me... 1298 01:07:30,100 --> 01:07:32,200 if somebody doesn't know the secret handshake with you. 1299 01:07:32,300 --> 01:07:34,300 There's no secret handshake. 1300 01:07:34,400 --> 01:07:38,100 There's an I.Q. prerequisite, but there's no secret handshake. 1301 01:07:39,700 --> 01:07:41,465 I... This is... You... No... 1302 01:07:41,500 --> 01:07:44,350 This guy... you've got this whole thing with the world. 1303 01:07:44,385 --> 01:07:47,200 Don't you? Huh? That's great. That's really wonderful. 1304 01:07:47,235 --> 01:07:48,800 But guess what. I'm a human being, OK? 1305 01:07:48,900 --> 01:07:50,765 We're human beings, people, OK? 1306 01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:55,000 We're not, like, intelligence quotations or whatever. 1307 01:07:55,035 --> 01:07:57,000 -Just ignore him. -No! 1308 01:07:57,035 --> 01:07:58,200 Done. 1309 01:08:01,500 --> 01:08:03,500 Come on. Let's go. You don't need this. 1310 01:08:03,600 --> 01:08:05,400 You don't know what she needs. 1311 01:08:07,600 --> 01:08:10,300 I think I know what she needs in a way that you never will. 1312 01:08:16,100 --> 01:08:17,700 Let's go. 1313 01:08:23,600 --> 01:08:26,000 Baby, tell me that my love ain't good 1314 01:08:26,100 --> 01:08:31,500 I don't treat you right, I don't do you like I should... 1315 01:08:31,600 --> 01:08:34,000 Listen, that's got to be back here, OK? 1316 01:08:34,200 --> 01:08:35,700 -Hi. -Hi. 1317 01:08:36,700 --> 01:08:38,165 So, you ready? 1318 01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:40,000 Well, what's it like? I mean... 1319 01:08:40,100 --> 01:08:41,700 It's great. It's great. 1320 01:08:41,800 --> 01:08:43,500 I mean, I haven't actually seen it yet... 1321 01:08:43,600 --> 01:08:45,850 but we had our best guys working on it... 1322 01:08:45,885 --> 01:08:48,492 and, you know, we just put some titles on... 1323 01:08:48,527 --> 01:08:51,100 and shaped it a little bit. It's gonna be great. 1324 01:08:51,135 --> 01:08:52,367 OK. 1325 01:08:52,402 --> 01:08:53,951 OK, OK. 1326 01:08:53,986 --> 01:08:55,500 OK. Thanks. 1327 01:08:56,500 --> 01:08:59,565 OK, everybody, it's a special night... 1328 01:08:59,600 --> 01:09:01,600 because, as you know, we're entering into... 1329 01:09:01,635 --> 01:09:03,100 a new phase here at the channel... 1330 01:09:03,135 --> 01:09:05,065 real programming. 1331 01:09:05,100 --> 01:09:07,600 And our first step is this remarkable piece... 1332 01:09:07,635 --> 01:09:09,000 by Lelaina. 1333 01:09:13,000 --> 01:09:14,900 So hang on, because this is going to change... 1334 01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:16,700 the face of "In Your Face. " 1335 01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:47,200 What's this? 1336 01:09:47,300 --> 01:09:49,700 It's just transitional stuff. 1337 01:09:50,600 --> 01:09:55,700 MAN, SINGING: La la la-la la 1338 01:09:55,800 --> 01:10:02,100 The story of my life 1339 01:10:02,200 --> 01:10:03,165 We're finished! 1340 01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:07,065 SINGING: School's out forever 1341 01:10:07,100 --> 01:10:10,300 I am not under any orders to make the world a better place. 1342 01:10:10,400 --> 01:10:13,100 And you wonder why we never got involved. 1343 01:10:13,135 --> 01:10:15,800 SINGING: School's been blown to pieces 1344 01:10:15,835 --> 01:10:17,617 SINGING: Love can make you weep 1345 01:10:17,652 --> 01:10:19,400 I don't want to get married... 1346 01:10:19,500 --> 01:10:20,800 because I see how my parents are. 1347 01:10:20,900 --> 01:10:23,100 -My parents got divorced... -My parents got divorced... 1348 01:10:23,135 --> 01:10:24,865 -When I was fourteen. -When I was five years old. 1349 01:10:24,900 --> 01:10:27,800 My mother actually goes to the bathroom with the door open. 1350 01:10:34,000 --> 01:10:36,700 I swore to myself I'd never get married. 1351 01:10:36,735 --> 01:10:37,600 I want passion. 1352 01:10:37,700 --> 01:10:40,700 Let's talk about sex, baby, let's talk about... 1353 01:10:40,735 --> 01:10:43,465 Turns you on, doesn't it? Brownies! 1354 01:10:43,500 --> 01:10:47,800 Would you two just do it and get it over with? I'm starving. 1355 01:10:47,835 --> 01:10:49,700 Oh, my god. 1356 01:10:49,800 --> 01:10:51,100 LELAINA, ON VIDEO: But the question remains... 1357 01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:56,000 How can we repair all the damage we inherited? 1358 01:10:56,100 --> 01:10:58,300 I was told there'd be no math on this exam. 1359 01:10:58,335 --> 01:10:59,767 Can I change my answer? 1360 01:10:59,802 --> 01:11:01,165 The answer is simple. 1361 01:11:01,200 --> 01:11:03,500 We're on a road to nowhere 1362 01:11:03,535 --> 01:11:05,665 Jesus. 1363 01:11:05,700 --> 01:11:07,600 The answer is... The-the-the answer is... 1364 01:11:07,700 --> 01:11:08,800 Pizza! 1365 01:11:08,835 --> 01:11:09,865 Pizza. 1366 01:11:09,900 --> 01:11:11,500 Pizza. Ha ha. 1367 01:11:21,300 --> 01:11:22,800 Oh... 1368 01:11:24,800 --> 01:11:27,200 -It's, um... -Yeah, right. 1369 01:11:27,300 --> 01:11:30,300 We're on a road to nowhere 1370 01:11:30,400 --> 01:11:33,300 But here we go 1371 01:11:33,335 --> 01:11:35,000 Lelaina. 1372 01:11:43,400 --> 01:11:45,800 Lelaina, look. I'm sorry, all right? I didn't know. 1373 01:11:45,900 --> 01:11:47,800 That was not my work, Michael. That's not what I did. 1374 01:11:47,900 --> 01:11:49,800 That's not what I want. It had nothing! 1375 01:11:49,900 --> 01:11:51,800 I can't believe I trusted you! 1376 01:11:51,900 --> 01:11:53,800 I had no idea! I didn't see it! 1377 01:11:53,900 --> 01:11:56,300 I mean, look. I guess it was probably a little slow... 1378 01:11:56,400 --> 01:11:57,800 and they cut it up a little... 1379 01:11:57,900 --> 01:11:58,800 Cut it up? 1380 01:11:58,900 --> 01:12:00,865 They cut up everything that meant anything to me! 1381 01:12:00,900 --> 01:12:03,400 I mean, I don't even think you realize what you've done. 1382 01:12:03,435 --> 01:12:05,400 You don't get it. You just don't get it! 1383 01:12:05,435 --> 01:12:07,365 I do get it! Look. It just... 1384 01:12:07,400 --> 01:12:09,400 It's, like, you have this great piece of work... 1385 01:12:09,435 --> 01:12:11,365 and we have this audience, these kids... 1386 01:12:11,400 --> 01:12:13,400 and it's like trying to feed them meatloaf or something... 1387 01:12:13,435 --> 01:12:14,865 and they don't want to eat it, right? 1388 01:12:14,900 --> 01:12:16,650 So you have to give them, like, "Here comes the plane. 1389 01:12:16,685 --> 01:12:18,400 "It's coming into the hangar. Open up the hangar. " 1390 01:12:18,435 --> 01:12:19,500 But it's still meatloaf. 1391 01:12:19,600 --> 01:12:21,250 It was never meatloaf! 1392 01:12:21,285 --> 01:12:22,842 That's a bad... I just... 1393 01:12:22,877 --> 01:12:24,365 Look, I'm sorry, all right? 1394 01:12:24,400 --> 01:12:25,900 They were just trying to market it. 1395 01:12:25,935 --> 01:12:27,400 And I wish I could be perfect, OK? 1396 01:12:27,435 --> 01:12:28,865 I wish I could be like Troy... 1397 01:12:28,900 --> 01:12:30,900 riding on his melted cheese sandwich and everything. 1398 01:12:30,935 --> 01:12:32,417 Don't you dare bring Troy into this. 1399 01:12:32,452 --> 01:12:33,865 Hey, I wish I could be like him. 1400 01:12:33,900 --> 01:12:35,400 I wish I could live off of creeds and mottoes... 1401 01:12:35,435 --> 01:12:36,865 and all that shit, all right? 1402 01:12:36,900 --> 01:12:38,900 But I'm in the real world here, OK? 1403 01:12:38,935 --> 01:12:41,365 And I have ideals also. 1404 01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:45,200 They're that I... I care about you... 1405 01:12:45,300 --> 01:12:47,400 and I want to make you happy... 1406 01:12:47,435 --> 01:12:48,900 and I'm... 1407 01:12:50,900 --> 01:12:52,350 I just... 1408 01:12:52,385 --> 01:12:53,800 Look... 1409 01:12:56,400 --> 01:12:59,300 I'll make them take the pizza thing out, OK? 1410 01:13:03,400 --> 01:13:06,650 I'm just a bill 1411 01:13:06,685 --> 01:13:09,900 Yes, I'm only a bill 1412 01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:15,900 And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill 1413 01:13:16,000 --> 01:13:20,400 Well, it's a long, long journey to... 1414 01:13:27,100 --> 01:13:29,500 How'd the big premiere turn out? 1415 01:13:32,400 --> 01:13:33,600 Fine. 1416 01:13:41,100 --> 01:13:44,100 They were just videotapes, right? 1417 01:13:45,600 --> 01:13:47,800 Who cares? Ha ha. 1418 01:13:50,600 --> 01:13:55,800 I just worked so hard on them, you know? 1419 01:13:58,100 --> 01:14:00,600 I worked so hard. 1420 01:14:02,100 --> 01:14:04,565 Ah, forget it. I just sound pathetic. 1421 01:14:04,600 --> 01:14:07,300 No, you don't. You don't sound pathetic. 1422 01:14:08,600 --> 01:14:11,100 You know, I know it sounds stupid... 1423 01:14:11,135 --> 01:14:13,600 but it really meant something to me. 1424 01:14:15,000 --> 01:14:19,600 I know it wasn't gonna, you know, end world hunger... 1425 01:14:19,635 --> 01:14:22,067 or, you know, save the planet... 1426 01:14:22,102 --> 01:14:24,500 but it just meant something to me. 1427 01:14:27,800 --> 01:14:29,600 I just don't... 1428 01:14:32,100 --> 01:14:35,300 Understand why things just can't go back to normal... 1429 01:14:35,335 --> 01:14:37,565 at the end of the half-hour... 1430 01:14:37,600 --> 01:14:40,000 like on "The Brady Bunch" or something. 1431 01:14:42,600 --> 01:14:45,400 Well, because Mr. Brady died of A.I.D.S. 1432 01:14:49,400 --> 01:14:51,700 Things don't work out like that. 1433 01:14:53,700 --> 01:14:59,200 I was really gonna be something by the age of twenty-three. 1434 01:15:00,500 --> 01:15:04,700 Honey, all you have to be by the age of twenty-three... 1435 01:15:04,735 --> 01:15:06,300 is yourself. 1436 01:15:10,300 --> 01:15:13,500 I don't know who that is anymore. 1437 01:15:13,535 --> 01:15:14,900 Well, I do. 1438 01:15:17,300 --> 01:15:20,600 And we all love her. I love her. 1439 01:15:22,100 --> 01:15:24,100 Uh... 1440 01:15:25,400 --> 01:15:27,700 She breaks my heart again and again... 1441 01:15:27,735 --> 01:15:29,200 but, uh... 1442 01:15:30,500 --> 01:15:32,200 But I love her. 1443 01:16:32,800 --> 01:16:36,300 I've wanted you like this for all these years. 1444 01:17:19,400 --> 01:17:20,500 Hey. 1445 01:17:20,600 --> 01:17:23,900 Hi. Ha ha. Where are you going? 1446 01:17:23,935 --> 01:17:25,900 I have rehearsal. 1447 01:17:27,600 --> 01:17:30,900 At 8:24 in the morning? 1448 01:17:30,935 --> 01:17:32,700 Yeah. Ha ha. 1449 01:17:37,900 --> 01:17:39,765 -So... that's it? -No. 1450 01:17:39,800 --> 01:17:42,100 No, that's not... It's not it. 1451 01:17:42,135 --> 01:17:44,400 I just... I, uh... I have to go. 1452 01:18:01,300 --> 01:18:05,900 Got a party mama, got a cokehead dad 1453 01:18:09,600 --> 01:18:15,100 I'm the ultimate inversion, the American man 1454 01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:23,000 Don't feel good, but don't feel bad 1455 01:18:24,000 --> 01:18:27,500 It's me, you see, I'm nuthin' 1456 01:18:33,000 --> 01:18:35,400 I ain't left, I ain't right 1457 01:18:35,500 --> 01:18:37,065 I feel so alone 1458 01:18:37,100 --> 01:18:41,200 Before I was born, I was all gone 1459 01:18:41,300 --> 01:18:44,900 Don't even make sense that I wrote this song 1460 01:18:45,000 --> 01:18:46,265 'Cause... 1461 01:18:46,300 --> 01:18:48,700 Tell me it's not true. 1462 01:18:48,800 --> 01:18:52,000 TROY, SINGING: It's me, you see, I'm nuthin' 1463 01:18:53,500 --> 01:18:56,000 I'm nuthin' 1464 01:18:58,200 --> 01:19:00,100 Nuthin' 1465 01:19:01,200 --> 01:19:02,700 That's me 1466 01:19:04,900 --> 01:19:07,000 I'm nuthin' 1467 01:19:13,400 --> 01:19:18,500 Lainie, sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship. 1468 01:19:18,535 --> 01:19:19,800 Come on. 1469 01:19:24,000 --> 01:19:26,250 Thank you. We'll be right back... 1470 01:19:26,285 --> 01:19:28,500 with a new American cheese snack idea. 1471 01:19:30,500 --> 01:19:32,900 You got a phone call. 1472 01:19:36,000 --> 01:19:37,200 Lelaina. 1473 01:19:37,235 --> 01:19:38,300 -Hi. -Hi. 1474 01:19:38,400 --> 01:19:39,665 Don't say anything, all right? 1475 01:19:39,700 --> 01:19:41,965 Look, I screwed up, all right? I know. 1476 01:19:42,000 --> 01:19:44,500 I should have protected you and your work... 1477 01:19:44,535 --> 01:19:45,967 and I didn't, and I'm sorry. 1478 01:19:46,002 --> 01:19:47,400 I'm so sorry that I didn't. 1479 01:19:47,500 --> 01:19:49,600 And I want to make this up to you, OK? 1480 01:19:49,700 --> 01:19:51,500 You mean so much to me, Lelaina... 1481 01:19:51,600 --> 01:19:53,200 and I just... 1482 01:19:53,300 --> 01:19:55,250 Look, two tickets, all right, New York. 1483 01:19:55,285 --> 01:19:57,092 We go, and we give them a presentation... 1484 01:19:57,127 --> 01:19:58,900 of the show the way you want it done. 1485 01:19:58,935 --> 01:20:00,100 Michael, I don't... 1486 01:20:00,200 --> 01:20:02,000 I know. I know, but this time is different. 1487 01:20:02,100 --> 01:20:05,000 I mean, who's the boss, huh? Huh? Tony Danza? No. 1488 01:20:05,100 --> 01:20:06,600 I don't think so. It's you. 1489 01:20:06,700 --> 01:20:07,800 It's your show, and I just... 1490 01:20:10,500 --> 01:20:13,000 I just... you know, feel like maybe... 1491 01:20:13,100 --> 01:20:15,600 I deserve another shot here. 1492 01:20:20,600 --> 01:20:22,100 Well, hi, Lelaina. 1493 01:20:22,135 --> 01:20:23,565 Hi. 1494 01:20:23,600 --> 01:20:25,100 What, is there a frog in your throat... 1495 01:20:25,135 --> 01:20:26,600 or are you just glad to see me? 1496 01:20:26,700 --> 01:20:28,600 Hi, Mike. Thanks for coming down, man. 1497 01:20:28,635 --> 01:20:30,200 No hard feelings. 1498 01:20:38,000 --> 01:20:39,800 Lelaina, you're looking a little peaked. 1499 01:20:41,100 --> 01:20:42,365 Yeah. Are you OK? 1500 01:20:42,400 --> 01:20:44,065 She's fine. She's fine. 1501 01:20:44,100 --> 01:20:45,700 She's just had too many Diet Cokes today. 1502 01:20:45,800 --> 01:20:48,200 Yeah, this girl is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. 1503 01:20:48,300 --> 01:20:49,600 Ha. 1504 01:20:51,300 --> 01:20:53,600 So, are you gonna tell him, or am I? 1505 01:21:05,100 --> 01:21:09,100 Could you excuse me? Could I talk to you? 1506 01:21:15,100 --> 01:21:16,400 Hi. 1507 01:21:19,900 --> 01:21:22,100 You want to tell me what the hell he's doing here? 1508 01:21:22,135 --> 01:21:24,200 I wanted to talk to you. 1509 01:21:24,300 --> 01:21:26,065 What the hell do you care? 1510 01:21:26,100 --> 01:21:28,100 You totally bailed on me this morning. 1511 01:21:28,135 --> 01:21:29,600 I panicked. It happens. 1512 01:21:29,700 --> 01:21:32,100 I thought we could work it out, you know. 1513 01:21:32,200 --> 01:21:35,900 I mean, I don't know if now is the right time for us. 1514 01:21:35,935 --> 01:21:39,600 Look, I meant everything that I said to you last night. 1515 01:21:39,700 --> 01:21:41,065 Don't look at me like that. 1516 01:21:41,100 --> 01:21:43,600 Don't look at me like that. That's not what I'm saying. 1517 01:21:43,635 --> 01:21:46,100 I'm not saying I... 1518 01:21:46,200 --> 01:21:48,765 Look, you are the only woman... 1519 01:21:48,800 --> 01:21:50,600 that I could ever commit myself to. 1520 01:21:50,700 --> 01:21:53,100 So what? Do I get a medal? 1521 01:21:53,200 --> 01:21:56,200 I win the big commitment cook-off, and you just run away? 1522 01:21:56,300 --> 01:21:59,100 I knew this was gonna happen! I knew this was gonna happen! 1523 01:21:59,200 --> 01:22:01,200 I don't want to lose you. 1524 01:22:01,300 --> 01:22:04,800 I've never been in an experience like this before. 1525 01:22:06,200 --> 01:22:09,900 I've never had sex with somebody that I loved before. 1526 01:22:11,300 --> 01:22:13,765 Oh, well, congratulations, Troy Dyer. 1527 01:22:13,800 --> 01:22:16,100 Welcome to the world of the emotionally immature. 1528 01:22:16,135 --> 01:22:18,265 It's a really nice place to visit. 1529 01:22:18,300 --> 01:22:20,565 Hey, you may run into Michael. He lives here. 1530 01:22:20,600 --> 01:22:22,700 Oh, yeah, right. Michael. Michael. He's so mature... 1531 01:22:22,735 --> 01:22:25,017 because he lets you navigate that entire relationship. 1532 01:22:25,052 --> 01:22:27,300 Well, I'm sorry, Lelaina, but you can't navigate me. 1533 01:22:27,335 --> 01:22:29,317 I might do mean things, and I might hurt you... 1534 01:22:29,352 --> 01:22:31,300 and I might run away without your permission... 1535 01:22:31,335 --> 01:22:32,765 and you might hate me forever. 1536 01:22:32,800 --> 01:22:34,950 And I know that that scares the shit out of you... 1537 01:22:34,985 --> 01:22:37,100 because I'm the only real thing that you have. 1538 01:22:38,800 --> 01:22:42,300 Yeah? Well, that ain't real much. 1539 01:22:42,335 --> 01:22:44,800 One, two, three, four. 1540 01:22:46,300 --> 01:22:48,000 Hey, Troy, man, you're on. 1541 01:22:57,800 --> 01:22:59,165 Michael, I'm sorry... 1542 01:22:59,200 --> 01:23:01,100 Listen, I'm sorry, all right? That's what this is all about. 1543 01:23:02,300 --> 01:23:03,700 This one's for you, Lainie. 1544 01:23:18,300 --> 01:23:20,300 Why can't I get just one kiss? 1545 01:23:20,400 --> 01:23:22,365 Why can't I get just one kiss? 1546 01:23:22,400 --> 01:23:24,500 You told me there'd be some things that I wouldn't miss 1547 01:23:24,535 --> 01:23:26,000 But I looked at your pants 1548 01:23:26,035 --> 01:23:27,200 And I need a kiss 1549 01:23:27,300 --> 01:23:29,250 Why can't I get just one screw? 1550 01:23:29,285 --> 01:23:31,200 Why can't I get just one screw? 1551 01:23:31,400 --> 01:23:33,765 Believe me, I'd know what to do 1552 01:23:33,800 --> 01:23:35,700 But something won't let me make love to you 1553 01:23:35,735 --> 01:23:38,300 Why can't I get just one ah? 1554 01:23:38,400 --> 01:23:40,500 Why can't I get just one ah? 1555 01:23:54,900 --> 01:23:56,900 Oh, nice job. Very well done. Really good. 1556 01:23:56,935 --> 01:23:59,365 I don't want to hear it from you. 1557 01:23:59,400 --> 01:24:02,400 Yeah? Well, I forgot I'm not qualified to talk to you. 1558 01:24:02,435 --> 01:24:04,265 I'm sorry I can't be Mister... 1559 01:24:04,300 --> 01:24:06,900 Hey, look at me. I'm Buddha on the mountaintop. 1560 01:24:07,000 --> 01:24:09,400 You know what you are, man? You what what you remind me of? 1561 01:24:09,435 --> 01:24:12,365 You're like that guy, you know, with the... 1562 01:24:12,400 --> 01:24:14,900 with the hat and the bells and the little, you know... 1563 01:24:14,935 --> 01:24:16,200 The court jester. 1564 01:24:16,300 --> 01:24:18,400 Yeah, right. Where everything's so easy to laugh at... 1565 01:24:18,435 --> 01:24:21,400 from a safe distance back in Clever-Clever Land. 1566 01:24:21,435 --> 01:24:24,065 You know what happens to him? 1567 01:24:24,100 --> 01:24:26,400 They find his skull in a grave, and they go... 1568 01:24:26,435 --> 01:24:29,700 "Oh, I knew him, and he was funny. " 1569 01:24:29,800 --> 01:24:33,900 And the guy, the court jester, dies all by himself. 1570 01:24:35,400 --> 01:24:37,600 Where'd you hear that, a Renaissance festival? 1571 01:24:42,900 --> 01:24:45,600 Besides, everyone dies all by himself. 1572 01:24:53,500 --> 01:24:55,400 If you really believe that... 1573 01:24:57,000 --> 01:24:59,700 Who are you looking for out here? 1574 01:25:19,300 --> 01:25:25,200 SINGING: You say you want 1575 01:25:25,300 --> 01:25:30,100 Diamonds on a ring of gold 1576 01:25:30,135 --> 01:25:35,265 You say you want 1577 01:25:35,300 --> 01:25:40,350 Your story to remain untold 1578 01:25:40,385 --> 01:25:45,400 But all the promises we make 1579 01:25:45,500 --> 01:25:50,800 From the cradle to the grave 1580 01:25:50,835 --> 01:25:58,800 When all I want is you 1581 01:26:06,200 --> 01:26:11,765 You say you'll give me 1582 01:26:11,800 --> 01:26:16,650 A highway with no one on it 1583 01:26:16,685 --> 01:26:21,642 Treasure just to look upon it 1584 01:26:21,677 --> 01:26:26,600 All the riches in the night 1585 01:26:26,635 --> 01:26:32,600 You say you'll give me 1586 01:26:32,800 --> 01:26:37,700 Eyes in a moon of blindness 1587 01:26:37,735 --> 01:26:42,117 A river in a time of dryness 1588 01:26:42,152 --> 01:26:46,500 A harbour in the tempest 1589 01:26:46,600 --> 01:26:52,400 But all the promises we make 1590 01:26:52,500 --> 01:26:58,100 From the cradle to the grave 1591 01:26:58,135 --> 01:27:05,000 When all I want is you 1592 01:27:31,800 --> 01:27:32,900 Hello. 1593 01:27:34,500 --> 01:27:35,965 Hello? 1594 01:27:36,000 --> 01:27:43,500 SINGING: All I want is you 1595 01:27:43,535 --> 01:27:48,767 All I want is you 1596 01:27:48,802 --> 01:27:54,000 All I want is you... 1597 01:28:17,200 --> 01:28:20,100 -Hey, Lainie. This is Lance. -Hi. 1598 01:28:20,200 --> 01:28:24,100 Um... I just need to know if he's OK. 1599 01:28:24,200 --> 01:28:25,700 Huh? 1600 01:28:27,200 --> 01:28:31,100 OK. All I know is he went back to Chicago... 1601 01:28:31,200 --> 01:28:32,700 alone. 1602 01:28:35,200 --> 01:28:38,200 I'm not supposed to know that, am I? 1603 01:29:02,800 --> 01:29:04,200 Shit. 1604 01:29:24,400 --> 01:29:26,200 Shit. 1605 01:29:34,200 --> 01:29:35,900 Hi. 1606 01:29:36,100 --> 01:29:39,200 I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute... 1607 01:29:39,235 --> 01:29:40,700 before you go. 1608 01:29:45,700 --> 01:29:50,300 See, the thing is that, um... 1609 01:29:53,800 --> 01:29:55,765 Well... 1610 01:29:55,800 --> 01:29:57,765 my dad died. 1611 01:29:57,800 --> 01:29:59,600 Oh, god, Troy. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1612 01:29:59,800 --> 01:30:01,500 No. It... 1613 01:30:03,000 --> 01:30:06,265 What happened was that, um... 1614 01:30:06,300 --> 01:30:12,300 I kind of got this arcane glimpse at the universe. 1615 01:30:12,400 --> 01:30:16,800 And the best thing that I can say about that is... 1616 01:30:23,400 --> 01:30:25,400 I don't know. I... 1617 01:30:29,900 --> 01:30:34,400 I have this... this planet of regret... 1618 01:30:34,435 --> 01:30:36,400 sitting on my shoulders. 1619 01:30:38,400 --> 01:30:43,400 And you have no idea how much I wish that I could go back... 1620 01:30:43,435 --> 01:30:46,200 to that morning after we made love... 1621 01:30:46,235 --> 01:30:49,000 and do everything different. 1622 01:30:50,400 --> 01:30:53,600 But I know that I can't, so... 1623 01:30:54,900 --> 01:30:58,400 I thought that I would come here and tell you something. 1624 01:30:59,900 --> 01:31:02,900 And what I wanted to tell you... 1625 01:31:02,935 --> 01:31:04,865 was that I love you... 1626 01:31:04,900 --> 01:31:09,000 and, uh... just wanted to make sure that that was clear... 1627 01:31:09,035 --> 01:31:11,500 so that there wasn't any confusion. 1628 01:31:17,400 --> 01:31:18,900 Um... 1629 01:31:19,900 --> 01:31:22,900 So, anyway, uh... 1630 01:31:24,400 --> 01:31:26,065 Where are you going? 1631 01:31:26,100 --> 01:31:29,500 I was going to look for you. 1632 01:31:31,000 --> 01:31:32,500 What for? 1633 01:31:36,000 --> 01:31:41,100 Just... wanted to see if you were OK. 1634 01:31:47,600 --> 01:31:50,900 Well, I had a shitty week, you know. 1635 01:32:29,300 --> 01:32:32,200 A froggy went a-courting, and he did ride 1636 01:32:32,300 --> 01:32:36,600 With a sword and a pistol by his side 1637 01:32:36,635 --> 01:32:41,600 Uh-huh, uh-huh, mmm-hmm-hmm 1638 01:32:43,100 --> 01:32:46,100 Well, he rode right up to Miss Mousie's door... 1639 01:32:49,100 --> 01:32:50,565 TROY ON ANSWERING MACHINE: At the beep... 1640 01:32:50,600 --> 01:32:52,600 please leave your name, number, and a brief justification... 1641 01:32:52,635 --> 01:32:54,065 for the ontological necessity... 1642 01:32:54,100 --> 01:32:56,100 of modern man's existential dilemma... 1643 01:32:56,135 --> 01:32:58,565 and we'll get back to you. 1644 01:32:58,600 --> 01:33:00,400 Uh, Lelaina, this is your dad. 1645 01:33:00,500 --> 01:33:02,350 Give me a call when you get this. 1646 01:33:02,385 --> 01:33:04,165 I need you to explain something. 1647 01:33:04,200 --> 01:33:07,100 I just got a nine-hundred-dollar bill on my gas card. 1648 01:33:09,600 --> 01:33:16,000 If we should fall, love will catch us every time 1649 01:33:16,100 --> 01:33:19,700 I hear you call, I will run 1650 01:33:21,300 --> 01:33:26,700 And if the magic of the adventure overcomes 1651 01:33:26,800 --> 01:33:30,700 We won't cry, because it could be fun 1652 01:33:30,800 --> 01:33:32,700 What I'm trying to do is constantly find those people... 1653 01:33:32,800 --> 01:33:35,600 find out what makes them the best and bring that... 1654 01:33:35,800 --> 01:33:37,100 Tired of getting razzes for being bald? 1655 01:33:37,300 --> 01:33:38,600 I'm only a young man. 1656 01:33:38,800 --> 01:33:40,800 No more dates where I've been called old man. 1657 01:33:45,800 --> 01:33:48,400 Roy, why are you doing this to me? 1658 01:33:48,500 --> 01:33:49,965 I know we can be happy together. 1659 01:33:50,000 --> 01:33:52,850 You'll chill in time. Right now, I need someone... 1660 01:33:52,885 --> 01:33:55,700 who understands what my music and the band mean to me. 1661 01:33:55,735 --> 01:33:57,900 But it's just music, Roy. 1662 01:33:58,000 --> 01:34:00,800 I'm a human being with deep feelings... 1663 01:34:00,835 --> 01:34:03,900 who feels things deeply. 1664 01:34:04,000 --> 01:34:06,265 Music is feeling, babe. 1665 01:34:06,300 --> 01:34:08,800 The band may be a small dream, but it's the only one I've got. 1666 01:34:08,835 --> 01:34:10,800 I'm Audi 5000. 1667 01:34:13,600 --> 01:34:16,300 Please don't let him get drunk and drive. 1668 01:34:16,335 --> 01:34:19,167 SINGING: Won't be very long 1669 01:34:19,202 --> 01:34:22,000 Till I'm going, going, gone 1670 01:34:35,300 --> 01:34:37,300 You say 1671 01:34:38,300 --> 01:34:41,300 I only hear what I want to 1672 01:34:47,000 --> 01:34:49,300 You say 1673 01:34:50,500 --> 01:34:53,300 I talk so all the time 1674 01:34:53,400 --> 01:34:54,800 So? 1675 01:34:58,800 --> 01:35:01,700 And I thought what I felt was simple 1676 01:35:01,735 --> 01:35:04,600 And I thought that I don't belong 1677 01:35:04,635 --> 01:35:07,565 And now that I am leaving 1678 01:35:07,600 --> 01:35:09,900 Now I know that I did something wrong 1679 01:35:10,000 --> 01:35:11,600 'Cause I missed you 1680 01:35:13,800 --> 01:35:18,000 Yeah, yeah, I missed you 1681 01:35:23,000 --> 01:35:25,100 And you say 1682 01:35:26,500 --> 01:35:28,465 I only hear what I want to 1683 01:35:28,500 --> 01:35:31,000 I don't listen hard, I don't pay attention 1684 01:35:31,035 --> 01:35:32,600 To the distance that you're running 1685 01:35:32,700 --> 01:35:34,265 Or to anyone, anywhere 1686 01:35:34,300 --> 01:35:37,100 I don't understand if you really care 1687 01:35:37,200 --> 01:35:41,000 I'm only hearing negative, no, no, no, no 1688 01:35:41,035 --> 01:35:42,965 No... 1689 01:35:43,000 --> 01:35:46,500 So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up 1690 01:35:46,535 --> 01:35:48,965 And this woman was singing my song 1691 01:35:49,000 --> 01:35:52,250 The lover's in love, and the other's run away 1692 01:35:52,285 --> 01:35:54,942 The lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay 1693 01:35:54,977 --> 01:35:57,600 Some of us hover when we weep for the other 1694 01:35:57,700 --> 01:36:00,700 Who was dying since the day they were born, well 1695 01:36:00,735 --> 01:36:03,700 Well, this is not that, I think that I'm throwing 1696 01:36:03,735 --> 01:36:06,965 But I'm thrown 1697 01:36:07,000 --> 01:36:09,500 And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure 1698 01:36:09,535 --> 01:36:11,500 You try to tell me that I'm clever 1699 01:36:11,535 --> 01:36:13,700 But that won't take me anyhow 1700 01:36:13,735 --> 01:36:17,500 Or anywhere with you 1701 01:36:19,500 --> 01:36:22,500 You said that I was naive and 1702 01:36:22,535 --> 01:36:25,465 I thought that I was strong, no 1703 01:36:25,500 --> 01:36:28,500 I thought, hey, I can leave, I can leave, though 1704 01:36:28,600 --> 01:36:30,500 But now I know that I was wrong 1705 01:36:30,600 --> 01:36:32,500 Because I missed you 1706 01:36:34,700 --> 01:36:39,200 Yeah, I missed you126330