All language subtitles for Fresh.Off.The.Boat.S05E18.Rancho Contento.WEB.MEMENTO+ION10+NTb

Wow, another anniversary.

Seems like we were just
kids when we got into this.

No one thought we'd make it this far.

When this all started, I was
just a man with a dream

walking into a run-down strip club.

And look at us now.

Happy Cattleman's Anniversary, Louis.

Happy Cattleman's Anniversary.

Oh! For me?

Usually you just give a
present to the restaurant.

This year's different. Open it!

Who's "Roth Ira"? It's
a retirement account.

I opened one in your
name and one in my name

when we started the restaurant.

We've done so well that
we're now on track

to retire at 55!

Mm.

Uh, were you thinking we'd retire at 57?

60?

Never.

We are never retiring.

Mr. Huang, you shouldn't have.

I'm the luckiest bear in Orlando!

Ha ha ha!

Is this cashmere?

♪ Fresh off the boat ♪

♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪

♪ If you don't know,
homey, now you know ♪

♪ Fresh off the boat ♪

♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪

♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪

♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪

Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com

Tina told me to work on myself
and become a better man,

so I got you, Journal.

Will she be impressed?

My guess is yes.

Journaling will show Tina

you can indulge your introspective side.

Hey! It's not cool to read
over someone's shoulder, man.

I would never!

You were talking out loud.

- You were, actually.
- We heard every word.

When you boys turn 21,
you can read my journal.

Here's a tip from someone

who's been keeping a dream journal

for the past six years...

Write with your mouth closed.

Evan, we share a room,

and I've never seen this journal.

That's because it's private. I hid it.

You can be... a little nosy.

Hey, do you ever dream about
a witch with cold hands?

Um, never mind. It's probably nothing.

Off to school!

Bye, Mommy.

Behold... the youngest student
at Orlando State University.

Prove it.

Fine. Youngest-looking. Same difference.

Well, congrats! How was
your registration?

Well, we took a couple
runs at my photo I.D.,

but we finally got there.

The only problem is,

my educational administration
classes are so expensive,

I could only afford to
take one a semester.

Well, I know which class
you should take next...

Retirement 101.

Now, I know you said you
never want to retire,

but you haven't seen Rancho Contento.

They're accepting early-bird deposits.

It's a planned community
in Santa Barbara

and the perfect place for us to sunset.

These people look like

they're in a commercial
for stool softener.

Well, exactly.

They're relaxed and unencumbered,

just like we'll be when we retire there.

Every morning, we'll walk to the pier.

You'll fish, like you used
to when you were a kid.

I'll read a charming local newspaper.

Then we'll go back to our bungalow

to enjoy a bottle of homemade wine

as we watch the sunset.

And the best part is, unlike now,

when we're busy with the boys
and the PTA and the restaurant,

we'll get to spend all
our time together.

Well, that part does sound
nice, but I'm sorry, Louis.

I just pictured our
retirement very differently.

But that was nothing. Exactly.

Retirement makes you stupid, Louis.

You have to keep moving,

or else your brain will turn to mush.

We'll retire when we die.

Our bodies make that decision
for us, not ourselves.

Oh, oopsie! Oh, hey, Tina. I
didn't see you sitting there.

It's no big deal. It's just a journal.

I really like to indulge
my introspective side.

You know, like a guy who's
really working on himself.

Your shirt's on inside out.

Uh...

Uh, it's really hard to dress your body

- when you're so deep inside your mind.
- Uh-huh.

Yeah, I was just journaling
about that exact thing.

All I'm saying is, I took
polka for three years.

I'm gonna crush "DDR."

I've been practicing my
"DDR" footwork for weeks.

I'm practicing my "DDR" right now.

Guys, quick question...
What the hell is "DDR"?

Uh, "Dance Dance Revolution."

It's this new video game

that you play with your feet
instead of your thumbs.

It's at an arcade across town, and
we were hoping you could drive us.

Why not?

I won't be hanging with the
girl of my dreams anyway.

Oh, buddy. Lay it on us.

Tina didn't like Journal?

I can't figure her out!

I want to become a better
man for her, but...

what does that even mean?

How can this be better?
You're the total package!

You said it, not me. Now,
back to me and Tina.

So, basically, I've tried
everything to get her back.

So sometimes, I'm, like,

does she really want
me to be a better man

or does she just like
that Pearl Jam song?

I mean, it's a good song,
but I just feel like

it's influenced a whole
generation of girls.

Or I could write her a sonnet,

but then I'd have to
learn what a sonnet is.

So, yeah, that's where my head's at.

Oh, dang. We were just getting started.

Hey.

Tina's your sister. Help me out.

Just tell me what she likes.

Lately, all she can talk
about is "Sex and the City."

At first, I was worried

she was following Trish
down her dark path.

But turns out, it's just a TV show.

♪♪

Hey, Deidre.

And, uh, Richard.

Oh. If I knew we were
having guests over,

I would've put out the fun welcome mat.

Oh, I invited Deidre over

to sell me some of her floozy makeup.

Okay.

Hello, beautiful
insert-name-of-customer!

I... Oh.

Um...

Sorry. I'm nervous.

Hello, beautiful Jessica!

Hello.

Spring is all about the shimmer.

Get fudged!

I forgot my neutral nudes.

It's just...

One second.

Okay.

You hate Deidre,

and you always say
"Makeup is for uglies."

Why would you invite her over here?

Oh, I'm just supporting
small local businesses,

like I always do.

But, hey, while I'm doing this,

maybe you could hang out with Richard.

- You know, he retired early.
- Oh.

I see what you're doing, Jessica.

You want me to see that retirement
has made Richard stupid.

Well, guess what.

Retirement isn't stupid,
and neither is Richard.

Oh, please. He married
Deidre. Case closed.

Oh.

Sorry. Could you hear that?

I'm listening to an audiobook.

Oh! What a productive way
to spend your retirement.

Jessica and I were just starting
to think about that stuff.

- I'd love to pick your brain.
- Or what's left of it.

Well, why don't we leave the ladies

to their Mary Kay and go to my place?

I can show you my training room.

I built it myself when I retired.

Oh, you hear that, Jessica?

Since Richard is retired,

he has time to build himself a home gym.

I'd love to see it.

Fire up a lat pole.

Great.

But, actually, it's not a home gym.

I-It's a room for my model train.

I like to watch it go
through the tunnels.

Every time, I don't think
it's gonna come out,

but then it does!

Mm.

Thanks again for letting me
watch your HBO, Uncle Marvin.

Are you kidding?

I should be thanking
you for introducing me

to this pun-tastic look
at the lives and loves

of these crazy "Sex and the City" gals.

Yeah.

Honestly, I don't know why
Tina likes this show.

All they do is eat brunch,

- walk to brunch, or miss a brunch.
- Ah.

Feels like a lot of brunches.

Well, I know what I
like about this show,

and it's right there in the title.

The city.

Oh, thank God.

I've never seen the Big
Apple look so vibrant.

The food, the cabs,

the fresh possibility

of a fistfight around every corner.

I can see why these gals date so much.

It'd be hard not to fall in love in NYC.

♪♪

What are you doing?

_

Hey, I thought you were sleeping.

I was acting.

All right, I'm headed
off to orientation.

I hope everyone came prepared,

because I don't loan out pencils.

Surprise!

I took the morning off so I
could drive you to school.

Aww, Louis, that is so sweet.

Open my door for me when we get there.

I want everyone to think
I'm a trust-fund baby.

How are they gonna think
you're a trust-fund baby

if you're carrying your books
in Mom's Mervyn's bag?

Bill Gates flies coach.

- Louis, you missed your turn.
- No, I didn't.

Because today, you're
not going to school.

And I'm not going to work.

- Today, we're retired.
- What?

I'm gonna show you what our lives

will be like at Rancho Contento.

Are you contento yet?

It means "happy."

Look at us... Two relaxed retirees.

Don't you feel... free?

No. I feel like I'm being kidnapped.

Can't we pretend to be old,
lazy people another day?

You got your turn to
show me what you think

retirement will be like with Richard.

Now it's my turn.

I spent two hours in that train room.

I can still hear the choo-choos.

Okay, fine. Let's be retired.

But if my brain turns
to mush, it's on you.

Great!

What is this place? Are we at a mall?

No, it's an outdoor shopping center.

But this is just an example.

The pier at Rancho Contento
will be much better.

And we won't hear the screams
from the piercing kiosk.

That's the only part I like.

Focus on the fishing.

O, Lady Sea, will she
release her scaled bounty

or drag us all to her murky depths?

That man fell asleep with
a burrito in his mouth.

Well, he earned that.

After a lifetime of hard work,
he's allowed a burrito nap.

You know what I remember
from fishing with my uncle?

He said that when a shark
stops moving, it dies.

These sharks, they're all dead.

Oh, come on.

They're still vibrant, curious
people with full lives.

Ha!

Oh.

Oh, now you're too good
to wave at Old Tom, eh?

Go to hell, Harriet!

Oh, Rancho Contento would've
weeded that guy out.

In New York City, a single guy
only needs three things...

A fabulous outfit,

a fabulous plan to get his ex back,

and the support of a fabulous crew.

♪ Yeah ♪

Love the look, Eddie,
but it's a little fancy

for "Dance Dance Revolution."

Yeah, maybe you should change.

About that... Before I drive us,

I need a teeny-tiny Tina favor.

After watching "Sex and
the City," I realized...

Duh... What better way

to show Tina I'm broadening my horizons

than by sweeping her off her feet

and taking her to the most
romantic city in the world?

Ooh, Pensacola. Niiiiice.

New York City.

But since I obviously can't afford that,

I'm gonna create a brunch date

at a cool NYC restaurant right here...

With your help, of course.

Sweet idea, Eddie.

You can explain what brunch
is to us in the car.

Nah, this is way more
important than the arcade.

I've been trying to get
Tina back for weeks.

Okay, so, I'll be the cook.

Walter, you'll be the waiter.

And, Trent, you'll be the busker

who plays sax for us as
we exit the restaurant.

- I can't believe what I'm hearing.
- I know!

In what universe am I not the busker?

Look at this face... Total busker.

No, he means Eddie promised
to take us to the arcade,

and now he's trying to get us to do

some lame "get Tina
back scheme" instead.

Hey, the scheme is not lame!

Or is it? I'm open to suggestions.

- It's always about you, Eddie.
- Yeah.

All we talk about is you and
ways for you to get Tina back.

You haven't even asked about Brian.

He's got mono, Eddie...
The kissing disease.

Well, I'm trying to get
the kissing disease!

You guys won't even help!

♪♪

Ugh.

All I taste is swamp.

You're supposed to say "notes of swamp."

Anyway, the wine I make at
Rancho Contento will be better.

Maybe. Or maybe we'll be so
dumb from being retired,

we won't even know what
tastes good anymore.

I didn't realize I was on
stage at the Chuckle Factory.

Sorry.

It's just, we used to think

the same thing about retirement.

I was sure I would suddenly turn stupid.

I thought if I stopped
moving, I would die.

You two are retired?

Mm-hmm.

But you seem so...

not dead.

Active. She means active.

Oh, we are.

I'm building my own library at home.

Even got a microfiche.

And Kent here plans all our trips.

I was a financial advisor for 20 years,

and Linda was an attorney,

so we were always too busy to travel.

But now we get to make up

for all the together time we missed.

Yeah.

But now that you don't work,

do you ever get...

Hopelessly bored?

Honestly, no.

I had my name on a law
firm for 10 years.

My legacy is set.

I feel like I earned this time
to do whatever I want, you know?

That could be us, Jessica...

The cool retired couple at the winery

who also make their own wines?

That sounds like a conflict of interest,

but... maybe you're right.

Uh, just a tip from someone who tried.

Make limoncello instead.

Homemade wine is fungus city.

And the bathtub...

Not a great fermenting vessel.

♪♪

Check the pillow.

Don't tell Evan I was snooping.

I don't talk to that
kid unless I have to.

Monday... dreamt Emery was
eaten by a great white shark.

Tuesday... dreamt Emery
fell off a cliff.

Wednesday... Dreamt Emery

was attacked by a swarm of killer bees.

I woke up laughing.

I die in all these dreams?

Does Evan want to kill me?

O-Oh... Oh, sorry,

but it's funny when you picture it.

Beard of bees? Funny.

I like the cut of Miranda's jib.

How 'bout you? Huh? Sorry.

I just can't believe my friends.

I had the perfect plan to get Tina back,

and they wouldn't help me.

My crew should support me

- like Carrie's crew supports her.
- Yeah.

These gals would do anything for Carrie.

- Exactly!
- Yeah.

You think Miranda would
leave Carrie in the lurch

to go to some dumb arcade?

Hell no! Miranda's ride-or-die.

Yeah. Heck, they all
are, for each other.

Look, Eddie.

You know, the more I watch this show,

the more I see it's not
about sex or brunch

or even New York City.

It's about these four friends.

I guess so. And Manolo, whoever that is.

Yeah. They're always gonna
be there for each other.

Have you always been
there for your boys?

That's what makes a crew a crew.

I mean, that and dressing up as a cow

to break out of a Thai prison.

I couldn't help but wonder...

In trying to become a
better man for Tina,

did I end up becoming a
bad friend to my boys?

Well, the Cattleman's suggestion box

was full of barbecue sauce again.

I miss being retired.

You know, I had fun being retired, too.

Especially meeting Kent and Linda.

They're doing it right.

I knew you'd come around on retirement!

Does this mean you're
open to Rancho Contento?

I think someday, I might be.

Really?

You know, if we send
in our deposits now,

we can still get that early-bird deal.

Shall I grab the checkbooks?

You can, but I already
spent my retirement.

That money's gone.

Wh...

You know, this swamp wine
really grows on you.

What do you mean the money's
gone? Where has it gone?

To Orlando State.

I used the savings from my retirement

to double my class load.

So now I will graduate
in two years, not four.

What? How could you do that?

If you're worried about the
early withdrawal penalties

from the Roth IRA, don't be.

We're good. I called Kent.

Who?!

The cool retired guy from the winery.

I also got his recipe for limoncello.

Don't touch the jars in the pantry

for six to eight months.

I can't believe you'd rather
spend money on school

than our retirement! I
mean, school sucks!

That's what the majority
of graffiti is about!

'Sup, guys? Look, this isn't
easy for me to say...

Hey! No cutskis.

I'm not cutting, man.

I'm just trying to talk to my friends.

I've got my eyes on you.

As I was saying, I'm sorry
if I've been a bad friend.

Especially when you guys have
listened to me talk about Tina

basically nonstop.

You have been kind of obsessed.

I know, and I appreciate you
guys putting up with it.

Y'all are like my Miranda,
my Samantha, my Charlotte,

and my Carrie.

And I'm lucky to be more like

- a Stanford Blatch in the crew.
- Who?

Oh, he's this dope gay dude who
should be more of a major character.

The point is, it can't
just be me all the time.

♪♪

Now, let's "Dance Dance Revolution."

I bribed him with Cattleman's ribs
to take you guys to the front.

- Thanks, Eddie.
- I can finally pee!

No, no, no, no, no. You cannot cutski.

No cutskis!

♪♪

And king me. Again.

_

Sorry, Grandma.

It's not you who I want to destroy.

I can't take this anymore!

Why do you want to kill me?

What makes you say that, dear brother?

Because I read your dream journal, okay?

I die in all of your dreams.

Aha! I knew it.

But there's one thing
you didn't count on.

That journal was a fake.

I planted it to teach you a lesson.

Maybe now you'll respect my privacy.

So you didn't actually dream
those horrible things?

You spent hours imagining them

and writing them in a fake journal?

That's worse.

I didn't write it.

Grandma did. What?

_

_

♪♪

Hm.

Your limoncello is terrible.

I told you it's not ready yet.

And neither am I.

Louis, I would love to
retire with you one day.

I just don't feel like
I've earned it yet.

What do you mean?

Well, talking to Linda about her legacy

made me realize I haven't
accomplished enough.

What? That's crazy!

You're a great parent,
you're head of the PTA,

not to mention everything
you've done for Cattleman's.

I know, but it's "Louis
Huang's Cattleman's Ranch"

on the sign.

I want my name on something.

That's why I need to go back to school

and become the best principal

so I can cement my own legacy...

Get my name on a door,
maybe a whole school.

Maybe even a college.

"The University of Phoenix
and Jessica Huang."

Mnh, no. Not that, but
something similar.

Then I can relax and fish

and get dumb with you at Rancho Contento

knowing that my name lives on.

I get it. You want to make an impact.

"College of William &
Mary & Jessica Huang."

Or "Jessica Huang presents
Harvard University."

Ah.

That's good.

Hey, Eddie.

Trent told me how you VIP'ed

your friends at the arcade.

That was really cool of you.

What good is a greased rib

if you can't grease a palm or two?

Um, Trent also said you've been watching

a lot of "Sex and the City."

And Manolo? That's a shoe.

Oh, God. That makes so much more sense.

Want to hang out tomorrow, talk "SATC"?

I'd love to,

but I got big brunch plans with my crew.

Rain check?

Definitely.

Journal is not gonna believe this.

♪♪

Surprise.

Louis, if you try to kidnap me again,

I will call campus security.

They are guaranteed to respond
within 9 to 13 minutes.

I just need five. I
have a present for you.

I can't let you go back to school

without a real backpack.

Now, this is just a start, but I know

you'll have your name on a
door or a building in no time.

Aww. That is very sweet.

Unsafe,

because now potential
muggers will know my name,

but it's very sweet.

That's not all. Look inside.

I cashed out my retirement account, too.

Now you can go full-time.

Oh!

Louis, thank you!

Oh, now I can join the OrlanDo-Re-Mi's.

It's the a cappella group.

Once I get in, I'm changing the name

to "Jessica and the Do-Re-Mi's."

Mimosa?

Don't worry. It's just OJ and Sprite.

Well, hell, why not?

As Samantha would say,

"I'll try anything once."

So, brunch is just
breakfast at lunchtime.

Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com