All language subtitles for Ben.Is.Back.2018.720p.BluRay.x264-DRONES.en

♪ Earth stood hard as iron ♪

♪ Water like a stone ♪

♪ Snow had fallen
Snow on snow ♪

- ♪ Snow on snow ♪
- Stand up straight.

- ♪ In the bleak midwinter ♪
- Meant to be quiet.

- Liam? Liam?
- ♪ Long ago ♪

- Hi.
- What are you doing?

♪ Our God, Heaven cannot hold Him ♪

♪ Nor earth sustain... ♪

Okay, everyone into your position.

I'm missing a sheep and an angel.
Has anyone...?

There you are. Liam, Lacey,
do you want to come join us?

Not really.

We need ya.

What?

Do you know how we come to church
once a year?

Do you want to come every Sunday?

- No!
- No!

Okay. We have to make tonight count.

- Go make me proud.
- Okay.

♪ The holly and the ivy ♪

♪ When they're both full grown ♪

- Quiet!
- ♪ Of all the trees that are in... ♪

- Mommy! Quiet!
- Come on,

Where's your Christmas spirit, Liam?

♪ O the rising of the sun ♪

- ♪ And the running of the deer ♪
- Liam: Quiet!

- That's mine.
- No it's not.

You guys?

Good kids... get better gifts.

Wait, you did not just do that.

I did. You noticed that, didn't you?

- I did it because it works.
- That's not fair.

- You didn't do it to me.
- Worked on you for years. Always.

- Look we're home.
- Yay!

- What?
- What the...?

Oh my God.

Mom? Mom? No, don't!

Oh my God, I can't believe it!

Hi Mom.

Oh, let me see you? Is it you?

Is that Ben?

Come on, look!

- It's Ben.
- Yeah, it is Ben.

Let go of my waist. Ben, hooray!

Oh my God. I was just,

I was truly just wondering,
just wondering what if.

Ben!

Don't let go.

So my roommate Timmy has two years,
and is like a recovery rock star.

And he offers me a free ride.
And I was like, "Yeah, I'm down."

But I'm thinking that there's,

there's no way
my sponsor's gonna go for this.

- But he did.
- He did,

because that's how good I'm doing.

Wow, honey.

So Timmy's mom and dad
and little brother pick us up.

I'm squeezed in the middle.

They're very Christian.

They're all super healthy.
They don't even drink caffeine.

Oh, how great.

Mom, Ben is feeding Ponce.

Oh, yeah, guilty.

Bread is bad for his teeth.

I think a little bit is okay, honey.

- Okay, go on.
- Okay.

So we're like ten minutes
into the ride.

And suddenly there's this smell.
It just hangs there.

And just when it starts to clear,
another cloud of stink is unleashed.

- Wait, it's human. Oh my God.
- Mm-hmm.

- It was the silent but deadly kind.
- Oh my God. That's the worst kind.

This is great.
This is so great, you know.

Ponce, all of us in the kitchen.

You happy.

Zip me, please.

Oh, you got one on. Good job. Okay.

- Leave these on, okay? All right.
- Bye.

- Be smart.
- Bye.

All right, then what happened?

Okay, so we're trapped in back,
and the farts just keep on coming.

And so I'm thinking,

surely someone is going to say
"Sorry" or "Excuse me."

- "Excuse me," yes.
- Or like maybe crack a window.

But no,
they act like nothing is wrong.

Oh, God.

So I just said,
"You know you can let me out here."

Mom, it's not that funny.

But it is.

So I just hiked
the rest of the way home.

You didn't?

Oh, they did it again.

All right.
You're gonna regret this!

Oh, go get 'em.

The big brother.

Yeah!

- Mom? Mom?
- Did you see?

He's gained some weight

and he's got the sparkle back
in his eyes.

He's clearly doing better.

- Then why are you hiding everything?
- You know why.

It's sad, having to hide.

Well, I would do the same for you.

But you'll never have to.

Sweetie, I've got
a very good feeling about this.

Well, I don't.

Listen, this time will be different.
You'll see, it will.

Mom?

Why is he here anyway?

Weren't we supposed
to go visit him tomorrow?

- Okay, you need to go watch him.
- No.

No, he'll think I'm spying.

No, then just film him
on your phone then, hmm?

Are you serious?

Yes Ivy, now.

I want hot chocolate.

Go! Go!

What are you doing?

I'm making a video
of holiday highlights.

Come here, boy.
Come on, pup!

No!

I was using it. Don't do that. No!

♪ When Ben was ten ♪

♪ Lacey was a baby ♪

♪ When Ben was ten ♪

♪ Liam was a maybe ♪

♪ And now we're all here ♪

♪ So let's go crazy ♪

♪ Let's go crazy ♪

♪ Who's going to go crazy? ♪

Neal?

♪ Are going crazy ♪

I've got it under control.

Ivy called, texted, why didn't you?

♪ Let's go crazy ♪

♪ Let's go... crazy ♪

Hey, Neal.

Hey, Ben.

How about 15 extra minutes
of screen time starting right now.

Yay!

Come on, hurry up!

I'm confused.

I thought we had an understanding.

The therapists, the doctors,
everyone.

Even you agreed that
it's in your best interest

not to be home yet.

I know.

There's too many triggers
for you here.

That was months ago.

And your sponsor said.

Please, let Ben tell me,
please, honey.

Okay, I know...

I know I really fucked up
last Christmas.

And the one before that.

It's true.

Yeah,
I know I've made a lot of mistakes.

But...

now since I'm doing so good
and with all the support I'm getting,

and with my sponsor...

I honestly didn't think I'd ever...
feel this good again.

What, you don't believe me?

Sweetie, we do.

Which is why she hid
all the meds and the jewelry.

I was just removing the temptation.

Wow, fuck,
you're all still scared of me.

Which is the last thing
I want to make any of you feel.

You should just...
you should take me back.

Mom, take me back.

Front door.

- Mom.
- He should have known better.

Don't blame him. It's my fault.

When he called and asked
what I wanted for Christmas

I shouldn't have said "him home".

That's what you said?

I wanted him to know I missed him.

I didn't... I never dreamed
he would just show up.

Is he in the car?

Yep.

It's not like he came home to stay.

Obviously,
that can't happen right now.

It wouldn't be good for him.

He needs to go back.

I agree.

If it weren't Christmas.

- It's the right thing, honey.
- It is, mom.

We hope. We don't know.

I mean, I'm so God damn angry
at the two of you right now.

- I am.
- What did I do?

You gave up on him.
You both have.

This is not giving up.

- It is.
- It's no, it's giving a shit.

Which we do about what's best for him
and for you.

- You have a problem with him, Neal.
- No.

I'm routing for him.
But I'm frustrated.

He's lucky.
We're playing loose with him.

Okay, Neal...

If he were black,
he would be in jail by now.

Maybe this isn't the time.

We said we weren't going to
do this again.

Remember?

I remember.

Holly.

Here's the list. I don't care
who gets what, just get it done.

Yeah?

God damnit.

God damnit!

We're all set.

It's okay, Mom. It's for the best.

Seatbelt, please.

Mom.
Mom!

God.

What?

I'm thinking.

It's cold. You don't have a coat on.

Just let me get this over with, okay?

All right, come on.

Okay.

Here's the deal,
and it is not negotiable.

You get a day.

Are you sure?

So long as you pass the drug test
I'm about to administer,

stay clean while you're here,

and that this time tomorrow,
you are back in Sober Living.

- Yeah, okay.
- Now, I'm not done.

These are our terms and I don't give
a shit if you hate these rules.

You do not leave my sight, ever.

You do not close the door
to your room,

where, by the way, I'll be sleeping
on the floor

and if you try to sneak off,

if your bed so much as makes
a squeak,

I will be all over you,

because for the next 24 hours
you are mine, all mine, got it?

I got it.

Good. Let's get you tested.

Mom.

Relax I'm not gonna be looking
at your privates.

Okay then.

I will be keeping my eyes on you,
just like I said.

This is so not cool.

Nothing about this is cool, Ben.

- Come on, pee pee time.
- Shut up.

Want me to turn the faucet on?

Stop.

- Shh.
- All right.

- Sometimes it helps.
- Mm-hmm.

- What are you doing?
- Okay.

There's a surprise coming.

What surprise?

Do you trust me?

- Yes.
- Yes, I do.

Awesome, that's awesome.

Good to hear.

All right. You close your eyes.

- Yeah.
- Can you see anything?

- No.
- Okay, no peeking.

I hear something.

When I was your age
this was my favorite.

- It's gross.
- Ivy, chill out.

Liam doesn't like crust.

There's a crustless option
in the works.

Oh, really?

Are you two ready?

Yes.

- Back door.
- Okay.

Open your eyes and feast.

- Yum.
- Yum.

- Right?
- It's really good.

- What have you done?
- I know. And there's no going back.

More, please.

But Ashley's wings have glitter.

Well, we are going to
bedazzle these things like crazy.

Mom, seriously they're so good.

I don't want to brag.

Well, yeah, I do.
These are gonna be good.

Ben?

Ponce, hey, bud.

- Hi, momma.
- I knew it.

You came back for Ponce.

Busted.

Actually, no.

Okay, let's party.

You know, I really
would appreciate it if you didn't...

- Holly?
- Hi.

- How did the test go?
- Negative.

- That's great.
- Yeah.

And he's helping out with chores.

Really?

Okay, well,
I left word with Sober Living.

Okay.

It hurts...
to think about the shit I've done.

And what I'm learning in recovery
is I can't undo what I've done

but I can do it differently now.

- I think we're good here.
- One, just one second, Ivy.

What I mean is I have to be present.

- It's about this log.
- Okay.

- This log.
- That's enough.

It's about taking care of this log
and placing it here.

And I have to take it
one log at a time.

- No. Stop.
- Otherwise it's not gonna...

Ben, stop!

Oh, my god!

Come on, you got this.

- Come on.
- Fine, just leave it.

We don't need any more, Ben.
Cleaning up your mess.

You can do it, we're gonna do it.

- Ivy.
- It is so heavy.

- Here you go.
- Ponce?

Nice.

We're in no danger of it burning out.

What the fuck is this?
Where did our ornaments go?

They don't share
the current aesthetic.

Is there a problem?

Ben was just asking
where our old ornaments are.

Did you throw them away?

Come with me.

Be quick and be careful, yeah?

- Mommy?
- Yes, yes.

Do you see 'em?

It should be right there.

Ben?

Fuck!

Ben?

Can you come up?

That's it.

I hate it up here.

Okay, then let's go already.

Wait.

I need you to check.

I'm...

I used to stash my...

Okay.

Back there?

If there's something there
then you have to make it go away.

Nothing.

We're good.

I'll help you down.

Come on, let's go.

- Oh, wow.
- Yeah!

Ben.

Nice.

This is better.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, cotton balls.

Ben, Ivy, can you two
come with me, please?

I know,
I went a little overboard this year.

- Mom?
- Keep wrapping.

Come on. Hello.

- Hey honey.
- Yeah.

- They only have regular.
- No.

Organic cranberries.

Mom, we don't have to be 100%.

It's important.

- Got it.
- Okay.

Thank you.

- Gotta love that Neal.
- Mom?

Running all my last-minute errands
so we can just stay here till church.

Mom, I wanna do some shopping
of my own.

Why?

I want to get them something from me.

Well, sweetie, you are the present.

Something that they can unwrap.

Well, okay. Let's just say
these are from you then.

But they're not really from me.
I didn't pick them out.

- They'll never know.
- But I'll know.

All right, well, honestly,

they have everything they need,
they really don't need anything more.

So true.

Okay, but if I didn't pick them out
then they're not really from me,

which makes me a liar.

And the whole point of this
is to be honest.

It's no good if I'm not honest.

This is nice, getting to spend
a little quality alone time together.

What do you think
you'll wear tonight?

This is all I brought.

Well, no worries,
we can pick you up a sweater

or maybe even a whole new ensemble.

Ensemble?

That way you'll,
I want you to be comfortable.

Well, I'm okay with just...

No, come on.

It's Christmas Eve.
We're gonna be in a front pew.

Hey, Burns.

What's going on?

Hey, man.

Wow. It's been a long time.

I thought you were dead.

What's new?

- I'm good.
- Yeah?

Dude, it's really good to see you.

- Yeah.
- And you look good.

Oh, thank you, okay.

He's a little
full of himself, don't you think?

He's all right.

And what's his drug of choice?
You know he has one.

Speed? Weekend cocaine?

- Highly caffeinated energy drinks?
- Mom.

All I'm saying is
you forget how special you are.

- Just don't.
- Well, people look up to you.

And they love you.
You're a natural leader

and you are so, so smart.

No, mom, Ivy is smart.

Well, nobody wants to be that smart.

It's not like she's having
a tremendous amount of fun, hmm?

- What was my point?
- You don't have a point.

I do have a point.

My point is, look, you nick this
and who knows how far you can go

and what you can do.

There's so much to look forward to.

Okay, honey,
you barely touched your breakfast.

You've got to eat this. Come on now.

Mrs. Crane, Dr. Crane.

Hello.

Do I know you?

Holly Burns.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Doesn't always remember.

Holly is the mother of Ivy,
whose singing we love.

She was your patient.

I remember.

You must be so proud of her.

I am proud of all of my children,
yes.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, I need to get a napkin.

I'll sit with him.

You're a dear.

Be right back.

So if you remember Ivy,

then you must remember my son Ben,
right over there.

Who?

I don't remember him.

I understand.
You had so many patients.

But when Ben was 14
he had a small snowboarding injury.

And you prescribed pain killers.

And when I asked,
you told me they weren't addictive.

And kept upping his dose.

And he got hooked
and it fucked up his life.

So you can pretend
you don't remember,

but I won't forget it.

I hope you die a horrible death.

Merry Christmas.

I'm just here for a day.

Okay, yeah.

I will.

Okay. Yes. I gotta go.

Who was that?

My sponsor.

I'm feeling shaky.

So I, that's why I called him.
He told me to go to a meeting.

They all say that, whenever you feel
shaky get to a meeting.

Okay, well let's just
get your clothes and...

I gotta find a meeting, now.

- Did you hear me?
- Okay.

I'm so proud of you,
knowing what you need.

I just, I think it's so great.

Like they say,
it's working when you...

What do they say?

- It works if you work it.
- Works if you work it.

Well, you are working it.
Oh, let's go in.

- You're not coming in.
- No, what? Of course I am.

No mom, I'm good. It's a meeting.

I'm gonna come right out afterwards.

I may just tag along.

- Hi.
- Mom.

- Yo, what's up, babe?
- Hello, how are you?

Stop.

It never hurts to be friendly.

Dial it down.

Okay, I will just... Hi.

- Guys
- Hello.

Everybody seems so nice.

The minute I think I have it,
the minute I think I've got this,

it's waiting, you know?

It's out there doing pushups
right now

while we sit in these folding chairs.

So I'm really grateful
to be here with all of you.

And I thank you for keeping me clean.
Thank you for letting me share.

So...

Thank you.

Go on to a show of hands.

I have a deep fear of using.

I have a deep fear
of going back into those dark places.

This fellowship,

this group of people,
is what keeps me alive.

Now I have two new baby nieces

and they're going to meet me
for the first time.

I'm just so grateful
that they'll never know me high.

They'll just know me as me.

Hi, I'm Ben, and I'm an addict.

Hi Ben.

I got 77 days.

And that's my most ever.

So I just want to get
to 78 right now.

So I called my sponsor,

and the thing about my sponsor
is that he's a loud talker.

And so I say, "Hey."

And he goes, "What's up?"

And I was like,
"Well, I've got big news.

I just bought presents that
I actually picked out for someone."

And he was like, "Oh, well,
you're feeling pretty good, huh?"

I was like, "Yeah, you know,

I actually feel like
I'm being honest."

Yeah.

And, well, he said,
"If you were honest, Ben,

you'd look in the mirror

and say, 'I'm a great big phony.'"

So I was like, "Okay."

"Cause, Ben you're a fucking addict.

You're the last person who should
believe his own bullshit,

so get to a meeting."

So here I am,

seventy-seven days clean.

Some things are better now.

Like I can actually take a shit.

Yeah.

Even better than that,

I'm waking up more often than not
with an erection.

Sorry, mom. Yeah, my mom's here.

Um...

I've put her through a lot.

This summer she found me upside down
on the stairs

with a needle in my arm.

And...

with my dog trying to keep me awake.

So...

the doctor said that if it weren't
for my dog I would be dead.

And my mom.

Without her, I wouldn't be here
right now in this room.

The things that
I've done to myself and others...

So I don't, why am I still...

here?

There's gotta be a reason.

Maybe it's to come back
and make this Christmas right,

or maybe this is the biggest
fucking mistake of my life.

Um...

Anyways, here I am, still here.

So thank you. Thank you for having...

Grant us the serenity

to accept the things
we cannot change,

the courage to change
the things we can,

and the wisdom to know
the difference.

Keep coming back.

It works if you work it.

Ben?

- Ben, good job, sweetie.
- Thanks.

And you coming back is not a mistake.

Someone wiser than me,
your sponsor, said you can do this.

Okay. Yeah, that's right.

I think some people want to talk
to you. I'll just wait over here.

Okay.

Say man, thanks for your share.
It's been a long time, you know.

- Yeah.
- That really hit home.

- Thanks, man.
- Thank you.

Hey.

I loved what you said.
You were very funny.

There's not enough funny around here.

Thanks.

- You're the mom?
- Yes, I am.

It's great you came with him.

- Oh, I hope so.
- No,

my mom died before I ever got clean.

I would have given anything for her
to see me get my shit together.

I'm sure.

- The hard on thing.
- Oh, awkward.

No, It was honest.

And it was amusing
that someone young and hot...

Oh, shit.

- Oh, that's okay.
- I'm blushing now.

That makes me nervous.

Is this your first meeting?

- Yeah. I'm, you know, new to it all.
- Yeah?

Well, you should get a sponsor.
It should be a woman.

It should be someone really tough
who will, you know,

call you on your bullshit

and it's what it's all about,
you know,

rigorous honesty.

Oh, they're just talking program.
That's how we help each other.

Okay.
So, nothing to worry about then.

No, I didn't say that.

You don't remember, do you?

No.

You were my dealer.

Oh fuck. Oh, I'm sorry.

No, it's fine. I'm...

I'm going to rehab
the day after Christmas.

So that's why, you know, I related
to so much to what you were saying.

It was very inspiring.

So...

I just want to get high
just one last time.

- That's normal.
- I'm not going to though.

Good. Don't.

Unless I could do it with you.

- Have a good one.
- Merry Christmas.

I think this one will work.

Or this.

And they have it in light blue.
Everybody looks good in light blue.

- Ben?
- What?

Which?

Yes. Good.

Okay, light blue.

Looks like she's gonna have you
try on the whole store.

Right.

- Thank you so much.
- Sure.

These will both complement
your complexion,

which is a gift from your mother,
you're welcome.

- Coat, please.
- Okay, nice. I'm good.

Come on.

Pockets.

- This is humiliating.
- Shh.

No.

This is love.

All right, free to go.

You didn't check my shoes.

That's not funny.

It was a joke, Mom.

- Ben, it's not funny.
- Mom, it was a joke.

Excuse me.

Can I get a key to this door, please?

Unlock the door, Ben, right now. Ben?

Open the door.

- Fuck!
- This is not funny.

Open this fucking door right now.

Ben, God damnit,
open this fucking door.

What is going on?

What's going on?

What?

Fuck, you stupid...

- Hey!
- Where did you get this?

- I've been with you the whole time!
- Excuse me.

The girl at the meeting.

- The one that you're helping?
- She was going to use...

- So I took it from her.
- I have to ask you to leave.

She was going to use. Now she can't.

Mom, the last time
I didn't help someone they died.

Ma'am?

- You think I'm an idiot.
- Can you please just exit the store.

- Yes.
- Oh, fuck. Maybe she's a dealer.

- What?
- Maybe she played me.

- You can't trust addicts.
- All we do is fucking lie.

- What do I do with that?
- I don't know.

Mind your own fucking business!

Mom. What...?

Get out of the car.

What is this?

- What are we doing here?
- Get out of the car!

- Now!
- Why are you...?

Because I was too angry
to do it at the time.

Huh? So where?

Where do you want to be?
Don't say next to grandpa.

That's prime placement,
and you don't get that when you OD.

- I'm not gonna OD.
- So where?

The new section is nice.
Or do you want to be near a tree?

- I don't know.
- Well, you better figure it out.

Okay, why don't you cremate me
and sprinkle me over Mrs. Blank,

my second-grade teacher,
she was pretty hot.

You don't get to be the smart ass
about this.

I wasn't gonna use.
I'm not gonna use.

- You just...
- Mom...

You just told me
I should never believe you.

Don't say another fucking word.

Just tell me, son...

where you want me to bury you.

I'll wait all day.

I'm not going to die.

This rate you will, and soon.

Mommy's here.

They didn't like my spaghetti special
for some reason.

Go figure.

Ben they only wanted your sandwich.
What did you put in it?

- Drugs.
- It's not funny.

It was a joke.

It's still not funny.

- The kids are watching TV?
- Yeah, they're watching TV.

- You okay?
- You come with me.

- Hi, sweethearts.
- Hi, Mommy.

Ben is gonna watch some TV with you.

Yay!

Mom, can I talk to you for a second.

Sit down.

...and now I can't find her anywhere.

Come on.

Right in the middle.

Stay.

Everyone grab onto me,
and I'll swing on this tree branch

into the pond!

Wow! Did you see that?

You fucking monster.

Honey, you okay in there?

Yes. Just getting changed.

How'd it go? How's he,
how's he doing?

Great. He's doing great.

How are you doing?

I am doing...

great.

Well, I better get ready.

Of course. You get ready.
I will take care of the children.

Thank you.

Could you just...?

No, not those slacks.
The ones from when you were skinny.

Skinnier.

- Ivy?
- What?

I need more big safety pins,
there's some in the kitchen.

Come on.

You sounded great by the way.
Thank you.

I'm feeding Ponce.

- Oh, so glad. Thanks, honey.
- Mom?

- Yes, sweetie.
- It itches.

- Where?
- Everywhere.

I wish I'd known that earlier.
Mommy can't do anything about it now.

But it's everywhere.

Well, it's just part of being
a sheep.

Hey, buddy, the thing about an itch
is just don't scratch.

- I'm sorry...
- Ivy!

Thank you. I beg your pardon.

- I'm gonna need a sweater.
- Okay. Coming right up.

All right, everybody,
let's get going.

We don't want to be late.

I'm so sorry.

Don't.

Stay put.

I'm so sorry, Beth.

This has gotta hurt.

Maggie was an angel.

We think about her.

Hold on tight.

I am.

What'd she say?

No one blames you.

"There were shepherds
out in the field,

keeping watch over their flock
by night.

And an angel of the Lord
appeared to them."

Hi, Ben.

"The glory of the Lord
shone around them.

And they were filled with fear.

And the angel said to them,
'Be not afraid.

I bring you good news of a great joy,
which will come to all the people.

For to you is born this day
in the City of David

a savior who is Christ the Lord.

You will find a babe
wrapped in swaddling clothes

and lying in a manger.'"

♪ O holy night ♪

♪ The stars are brightly shining ♪

♪ It is the night of
Our dear Savior's birth ♪

♪ Long lay the world ♪

♪ In sin and error pining ♪

♪ Till He appeared
And the soul felt its worth ♪

- ♪ A thrill of hope ♪
- ♪ A thrill of hope ♪

♪ The weary world rejoices ♪

- ♪ For yonder breaks ♪
- ♪ A new and... ♪

- ♪ A new glorious morn ♪
- ♪ Glorious morn ♪

♪ Fall on your knees ♪

♪ And hear the angels' voices ♪

♪ O night divine ♪

♪ O night when Christ was born ♪

♪ O night ♪

♪ Divine
O night ♪

♪ O night divine ♪

Hey!

May I say, Ivy, by the way,
this was your best singing ever.

I think the two of you were great.

Yeah, they're completely right.
You were amazing.

- Yeah, you were awesome.
- You were really amazing.

- And you, little buddy...
- You think so?

...for a second there I literally
thought that you were a sheep.

And you didn't even have to pretend,
because you're an angel.

All right kiddos,

jammies and teeth brushed
right now, please.

All right, come on, no...

- What happened?
- Oh my God.

- Okay kids, sit down.
- Stay right here.

- Don't move.
- Sit down right here.

- Mom...
- Sit down. It's okay, honey.

- There's broken glass.
- Don't be scared, honey.

Ben!

Daddy is just checking and...

Be careful.

Come on, come on, come on.

- This can't be happening. Not again.
- Stay right here.

- It's okay. I know.
- Don't move.

- I'm scared.
- It's okay, honey.

Come on, mother fucker. Okay.

What?

I was at church.

Coast is clear.

We still got the TV,
and we got the computers,

and most importantly,
we got the presents.

See.

It was probably just neighborhood
kids, just a practical joke.

Neal?

- No real damage.
- That's a relief.

- Where's Ponce?
- I don't know.

I'm sure he's here somewhere.

- Mom, where's Ponce?
- You just checked the whole house.

- He's probably just hiding.
- You didn't see him?

- I want to find Ponce.
- No.

- It's way past your bedtime.
- Ponce?

- Go upstairs.
- But mom...

Ponce?

- I want to find Ponce.
- Come on. Upstairs.

Fuck.

Ponce?

- Come on Poncie!
- Come on Poncie!

I bet he just, you know,
went out exploring.

No he didn't.

Sweetie, he is just having
a Christmas adventure, all right?

Come on, Ponce!

Ponce?

Okay, snuggle down.

Front door.

I can't find him anywhere.

And he would never run off.

Someone took him.

Who would steal our dog?

You come back,
and then this happens.

This is on you.

Front door.

Tomorrow when you wake up
it's gonna be Christmas.

And presents, and Ponce.

Okay?

All right, I love you.

Try to sleep, and I'll be right back,
okay? I love you.

- Leave the light on.
- Of course I will.

What are you doing?

You aren't calling the cops, are you?

I am.

No, Neal, no cops.

Not yet. Where is he?

Why wasn't the alarm on?

Because Ben was with us.

He's the reason we got the alarm
in the first place. Where is he?

He left.

Go.

Holly?

Holly?

Jesus. Ben?

Ben?

Every fucking thing I do
turns to shit.

No, honey.

No, no matter how hard I try
everything just turns to shit!

Please, just get in the car.

- I didn't do it.
- Obviously.

But I'm the reason that somebody did.

I put you in danger.
I put my family in danger.

And I should have known.
I'm so stupid.

No, you're not.
Please get in the car.

Jesus.

Where are you going? Ben?

- Will you stop?
- I have to fix it.

I have to fix it. I gotta find Ponce.

Okay, well, just think.

- I am, God damnit.
- What?

You don't understand. There are
so many people that it could be.

All right, well, we'll just take it
one asshole at a time.

Now get in the car.

Seatbelt.

No, don't turn here,
don't turn on Elm.

Not Pleasant.

All right,
just tell me where to turn.

- Tell me where.
- Fuck.

- What?
- I used there.

I robbed someone there. I...

- This place?
- Yeah.

- What's here?
- You cannot ask.

Mom, if we're...
if we're doing this together...

you cannot ask.

Okay. I won't ask.

No, Mom.

But I'm not letting you
out of my sight.

You won't have to. Just stay here.

Well.

It's about time. Come in.

Did you take my dog?

No luck.

Who was that?

Mom, we had a deal.

Let's go.

- I recognize him.
- Mom?

I know I know him.

God, he looks so familiar.

Mr. Richmond.

- Your history teacher?
- Yeah.

His mother had cancer, hospice.

He had lots of oxi, jars full,
an endless supply.

We had an arrangement.

Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Oh, that piece of shit.

Mom, we've gotta keep going.

I think it's...

What's here?

Maggie's dad lives in one of these.

Why would he take Ponce?

Who hates me more?

It's one of these.

That's him.

No Ponce.

Heartbreaking, that.

Sometimes it catches.

- Let me. It can be tricky.
- I got it.

- Just, you're being too herky jerky.
- I'm not being herky jerky.

Sweetie, I'm not criticizing you.
I'm just saying.

- Mom, I know how to, okay...
- I don't...

- I know how to put on a seatbelt.
- Apparently not this exact...

- Holy...!
- Oh my god!

What the fuck you doing here?! Huh?!

You fucking junkie piece of shit!

- Get the fuck out!
- What the fuck?!

We are going to have to
talk about this.

I mean, I get to ask questions.

I get...

I'm gonna have to explain
the window to Neal.

He tried to bash in my head,
and he should.

Don't say that.

If you were him
you'd want me dead for what I did.

All right, well then, you're gonna
have to help me here.

What did you do?

Who are we looking for?

We'll know when I know.

Thank you.

I got Maggie hooked.

I told her how great it was.

Did you tie her down
and stick a needle in her arm?

No, but...

And at that time didn't you think
it was the best thing ever?

Then you told her the truth.

At that time that was your truth.

But it was wrong.

Didn't you just want her to be happy?

This is so twisted.

Well, what did you want her to feel?

Do you hear yourself right now?

What did you want her to feel?

Safe.

Loved.

Alive. Whole.

Something that nobody,

not even you,
could ever make me feel.

Okay.

You know what you did wrong.

You lived, and she didn't.

And we'll never know why.

It should have been me.

No.

You ready to order?

Yes. I will have your soup
of the day, a cup.

Hi, honey. I was about to call you.

I'm going out of my mind.
Where are you?

I'm with Ben.

It took me a while to find him.

But I did, and...

we're just getting a bite.

Daddy?

We're supposed to be a united front.

We are, you just have to trust me.

You're making it very hard.
You need to come home.

Not without Ponce.

Those kids are waking up
with their dog.

And there's no need for cops
because we've got this, Ben and I.

- Don't we Ben?
- You got this.

You and the drug addict,
you got this.

- Daddy?
- Please.

Baby.

Here's an idea, Neal.

Why don't you take care of our kids,
and I'll deal with mine.

I will do that.

Neal.

What?

He's a bit of a dick.

Wow.

- Were you just complaining?
- No.

I can think or say about him

whatever I want
because he's my husband,

and I love him, but you,

God, you clearly don't get it.

You're here,
and without Neal, you wouldn't be.

- Don't be so sure.
- How many rehabs is it now?

I couldn't have paid for it.
Insurance won't anymore.

The government doesn't give a fuck.

And heaven help you, if you're poor,

which, because of Neal,
we aren't anymore.

He took out a second mortgage
on the house

to pay for you this time.

Only thing you should say about Neal
is "thank you".

No way, Mac.

Go!

- Relax.
- No. I'm not relaxing. Go.

- I said get out.
- What is it?

Oh, shit.

Who did you tell?

- About what?
- That I'm back.

- Everybody knows you're back.
- Because of you.

Where's my dog? Who took my dog?

So you can steal other people's shit
all you want?

When someone steals yours
you get all holy?

Okay. Was it Tommy?

No.

Is it Baumgartner?

- Jail.
- Was it Clayton?

Who's that?

My mom.

Oh, hey, Mrs. B. Long time.

Spencer.

I go by Spider now, Mrs. B.
It feels more like me.

You look terrible.

You always say it like it is, Mrs. B.

Oh, my God!

I'm sorry, Mrs. B.

- Ah, God, that little shit.
- It's okay.

- I'm just helping. Okay.
- It's not helping.

I know who has Ponce.

- That's great. That's something.
- No.

It's the person I hoped
it wouldn't be.

It's gonna take more.

That's my daily limit.

I can write a check.

These aren't check people, are they?

No.

Take this.

It's worth a lot.

It's just a thing.

I'm sorry.

I never liked it.

Turn your lights off.

All right let's,
you know what?

Let's just turn right around.

Because Ponce was a rescue.
And we had a good run.

- You did not just say that.
- Yes, I did. Ponce is just a dog.

I love five people
and Ponce is two of them.

Okay, well, he is a pee in the house,
crap on the carpet dog.

And you are so much more.

Fuck, what are we doing?
This is madness.

No, this is manageable.

It's Clayton. We go way back.

I'll pay up
and maybe we'll have a good laugh.

You don't believe that.

If I don't deal with this
then it could be worst next time

for you and the family.

Okay.

You go in, pay the man,
get Ponce and get right back out.

You're coming out.

Yeah, I'm coming out.

Be careful.

Lock the door.

Just be calm.

I can't be calm. Just go in.

- Mom?
- Oh, my God.

- What are you doing? Get over here.
- Oh, my God.

What happened? Where's Ponce?

I got in and out.
That's the good news.

So what's the bad?

I just need you to drive, okay?
Let me do the thinking.

Okay.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, my God.

Easy, Mom.

- You're trying too hard.
- Okay.

Of course, I am. It's what I do.

Stop, you're flooding the engine.
You got to give it a rest.

Oh. Sorry.

Clayton doesn't deal
out of here anymore.

He's gone up the chain
and he's not happy with me.

Oh, my God.

But I got a plan,
so I need you to listen to me.

I can't help but think
if I hadn't left your dad...

- He left us. Please listen to me.
- You took it so hard.

- You blamed yourself.
- Just stop.

- It was something... It changed you.
- Stop. Move over.

A boy needs a dad.

A boy needs a dad.

- Mom...
- No, that's what you needed.

Not that dad.

Fuck, we need gas.

You tried so hard to keep me happy.

And what kid wouldn't crack
under the weight of that?

Mom?

What? What is it?

You need to go home.

- Not without you.
- You cannot go where I'm going.

- It's not safe.
- Then I'm definitely going.

No. Go home.

- I'll be there soon.
- No, I don't believe you.

Okay, so now you don't believe me.

No, I don't.

Mom, you don't know
what you're doing.

- I do.
- You don't know what you're doing.

I'm not worth it.

If you knew me,
you'd be done with me.

No, I wouldn't.

- And I know you.
- No.

- I know you.
- You don't, Mom, you don't know me.

You don't.

My sponsor told me not to come back.

He said it was a shit idea,

that I was not ready.

- That's not true.
- Yes, it is, it is true.

And I didn't get the drugs
from the girl.

They were in the attic
above Liam and Lacey's room.

And within an hour of coming home
they were in my pocket.

I told you not to believe me,
and you didn't fucking listen!

I mean, I could go on.
Do you want me to go on?

There's so much more.
I killed Maggie.

- It's not your...
- I killed Maggie.

It's not working.

Oh, please go home.

You have to go home, please.

Please, I'm not worth it.
Please go home.

I will not leave you.

Ugh.

Get whatever you want.

I know you are not open,
so you have a merry Christmas.

You too.

Can you get me that blue drink
I really like?

Yeah.

Mom?

You're the best.

So just these two and one more.

Honey, which one is it?

Because there is more
than one choice.

Ben?

Hey, it's Ben. You know what to do.

No, I don't, Ben.

I don't know what to do.
Get fucking back here right now!

I'm sorry.

I didn't know where else to go.
He took my car.

And he's gone somewhere
and I don't know what to do.

Come in.

I can't tell my husband,
he'll call the cops.

Someone took our dog, and Ben's
just out trying to find our dog.

Come on, Holly.

He's an addict.

And he's out there.

Stay put.

Holly, you'll need to listen closely.

It has a shelf life
of 18 to 24 months.

And it's been over two years
but it should be strong enough,

if it's the only kit available.

I'm such a smug bitch,
never thought I'd need this.

First you pull off the yellow caps.

You screw in the applicator tip.

You take off this cap
and insert it here.

Half a dose in each nostril.

I can't... what I'm doing.
If you couldn't save Maggie...

We can't save them.

But you'll hate yourself
if you don't try.

Go find him.

Now it's starting to feel
like Christmas.

Here.

This is my mom's.

And it's worth a lot.

I'm good for the rest,
and I'll make it right.

Oh, well...

it's not just about the money, Burns.

I mean, I had big plans for you,
you were my guy.

I know.

Look, just give me my dog back,
and leave my family out of this

because they didn't do anything.

I wish it were that easy.

It can be.

Fuck it, it's Christmas, right?

All right, come on, take this.

All I need is for you to do me
just one more little favor.

What's that?

Merry Christmas. How can I help you?

So I have this, and it's expired,
I need it replaced.

Excuse me ma'am.

Ma'am, we don't carry this.

What do you mean, you don't carry it?

You need to try another pharmacy.

No, you're the only one open.
What do you mean, you don't carry it?

It's our policy not to encourage
irresponsible behavior.

All right, well then why don't you
discontinue the oxi's,

the Perc 30's and the Benzo Cheerios,
or whatever you call them?

If you'd like to file a complaint
there is...

I'm fucking filing one!

God, fucking damnit.

Spare some change.

Mrs. B, I'm not gonna hurt you.

I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm too sick.

Spencer...

get in the car.

Where is he?

I'm sorry, Mrs. B. I'm not...
I'm not doing my best thinking.

I need to get well.

You mean get high.

Fuck.

There's no high anymore.

I just don't want,
I just don't want to be sick.

Help me.

I just need a little money.

Okay, I will help you,
but you have to help me.

Where can I find him?

He used to run for Clayton.

You don't leave Clayton.

That's where Ben went. Shit.

I just snitched.

I need more.
Tell me everything you know.

I can't.

You can.

- Where is he?
- Okay.

Go to the pawn shop,
across the bridge.

It's Yonkers. Ask around.

And that's all I can tell you,
Mrs. B.

Anything else and they kill me.

You said you'd help me get well.

Your mother and I were friends
when you and Ben were babies.

I changed your diaper.
This is so fucked.

Yeah, Mrs. B, it is.

Call your mother,
and tell her that you're not dead.

Are you okay?
Just tell me you're okay.

You need to be calm.

- I'm calm. Are you okay?
- Yep.

We are on it.

Just totally safe and closing in.

Is that my mom?

Where are you
'cause I'm coming to get you.

No, Neal.

- Is that my mom?
- Okay, yes, it is.

Can I please talk to her?

Yes you may. Hold on one second.

Mommy?

You need to be in bed.

Ben and I have this under control,
and we will see you in the morning.

Why are you lying?

I'm not.

Mom, I'm the one
who set up the phones for everybody.

You're not with Ben.
Ben's in a whole other town.

And I've been calling you
and texting you,

and you won't pick up.

And I didn't tell Neal
because he'll call the cops.

But now I'm freaking out,
because you lied to me.

We split up to cover more ground.

I don't believe you.

Ivy.

What am I supposed to do?

All right, sweetheart,
you need to be calm

and hang up, deal with Neal.

Call me back as soon as you can
from your own phone, all right?

Yeah?

- Ivy.
- Okay.

- Hi, honey.
- Hi, mom.

Okay, I want you to help me
find your brother, yeah.

Keep going,
and if you turn left on Millwood...

Keep going straight.

And turn right on 23rd Street.

- Do you see that?
- This is 23rd Street, right, okay.

Okay, and...

just keep going straight for a bit.

You're doing great, Ivy.

You're getting really close.

Okay, turn before the intersection.

Mom, turn now.

You're really close. Do you see him?

Mom?

He should be right there.

I'm gonna call his phone.

Okay, good idea.

Okay, it's ringing.

Do you hear it?

I'll call you right back.

Don't hang up. No. Mom?

I got him.

Okay. God.

So we're good, sweetie.

Can I just talk to him really quick?

We got to keep moving.

We're gonna be home so soon
with Ponce.

Let me talk to Ben.

No, we've got to keep moving, honey.

No. Mom.

Sweetie, listen.
I just... I need you to go to sleep.

I can tell there's something wrong.

Everything's gonna be okay.
I just... trust me.

Mom.

Okay, sweetie.

Okay, go to sleep.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for my son.

His name is Ben.
I know he was just here.

Over by the river.

That's where they all end up.

Ben?

Ben?

Mmm. You did good.

Wayne, he did good right?

You made a lot of people happy today.

- For all your hard work.
- Just give me my dog, man.

Holly?

- Holly?
- I lost him.

What?

I didn't wanna tell you.
I've been... lying to you.

I looked everywhere
and I can't find him and...

I tried.

I know you did.

I lost him a long time ago, I just...

I don't know where to look,
and I'm so tired.

I don't know what to do.

Tell me where you are,
I'm coming to get you,

and we'll find him together.

I'm coming home.

I'm just gonna come home.

Hey, boy.

Hey, Ponce.

Anything else?

Here, boy.

- Excuse me. I need help, please.
- Ma'am, you need to wait your turn.

I can't wait my turn.
He's my son, he's not a bad kid.

No, I can't, there's no time for that
right now. He stole my car.

- Please, excuse me, sir...
- Ma'am, hold on one second.

- Can you find?
- Hello, hold on one second.

Ma'am, stand in line.
We will be able to help you.

I just need you to please find my son

and arrest him, I'm begging you!

You just want to calm down
and have a seat.

- I'll start the paperwork.
- Thank you.

Hello.

Good boy.

Oh, my God.

Honey.

Wake up, Ben.

Wake up, honey.

Come on!

Okay, all right.

We've got this, okay.

All right.

Come on, hang in there.
Come back to me.

Come on.

Fuck.

Just stay with me.

God.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Ready.

Okay. Wake up! Wake up!

Please.

Please come back.

Come back! Please come back!

Oh my boy, please!

Please, I know you can do this!

Ben.

My boy, please.