All language subtitles for American Dad s21e02 Brown Lotus.eng

[? mysterious music playing]

- And everyone was killed?
- All but three.

And their alibi
is very, very dumb.

- They're in love.
- Hey. Don't do that.

I don't think that guy
even works here.

Ugh. It happens all the time.

Weirdos show up
and try to make corpses touch and kiss and stuff.

[chuckles softly] I get it.

[wind howling]

[man] That's not
enough mustard.

- Give me the bathroom key.
- More olives.

You smell like mayonnaise.

- You suck.
- Give me the bathroom key.

- Make me a new one.
- You don't have eggs Benedict?

You're nothing.

- You're nothing.
- You're nothing.

- [sighs]
- [sauce bottle squirting]

[? theme song playing]

? Good morning, USA ?

? I got a feeling
That it's gonna be A wonderful day ?

? The sun in the sky
Has a smile on his face ?

? And he's shining a salute
To the American race ?

? Oh, boy, it's swell to say ?

? Good morning, USA ?

[Roger] Ah!

[chorus]
? Good morning, USA ?

Phew.

- Another rough one at Sub Hub.
- Pretty rough one here too.

Emily's dad's sick.
She might have to leave Paris.

God, I wish I was rich so
you wouldn't have to work for the both of us.

I would spoil you.

Ah, nothing a little
shower cry can't fix.

You know, one of my personas
has a suite at the amazing Brown Lotus resort

up in Langleytano
that she's not gonna use.

It's non-refundable.
You guys could use it for a little staycay.

- All expenses paid.
- All expenses paid?

- We can pretend I paid for it.
- Maybe I could use a good spoiling.

[both] Yes!

- Let's go to the fancy hotel.
- [both] Yes, yes, yes!

I know this is
your guys' thing, but I can still be excited.

Bad news.

The Antarctica snafu
isn't flying under the radar like we'd hoped.

In fact, it's very much
on Congress' radar and they have cut our funding.

[all gasp]

We've lost our jets,
foreign agents,

and if we're not careful,
omelette bar.

[gasps]

? Someone's in the kitchen
with Dinah ?

? Someone's in the kitchen,
I know ?

? Someone's in the kitchen
with Dinah ?

? Strumming on the old banjo ?

Can't lose him. He's the only
omelette chef we've had who could do that.

He's a generational talent.

But these are desperate times,
and that calls for desperate measures.

That's why we're going
to do a rebrand.

The CIA is currently
the least favorable thing in the city.

We're even below
all this stuff.

We're even below that guy
that walks around town

throwing eggs at people?

- Oh, man. I hate that guy.
- Yeah, this is bad.

We're even below him.

But we've found
the most beloved thing in the city is...

Some of you should have
guessed by now.

...cakes.

Which gave me an idea.

What if the C in CIA
now stood for "Cakes"

and not whatever
it used to stand for?

We're going to bake
and sell cakes?

Yes. Great idea, Smith.
We could bake them ourselves.

That would save us
tons of money.

We'll win the public's
trust back yet. For the CIA.

The Cake IA.

Wow. Langleytano
is so beautiful.

[Jeff] I've never seen
this part of Langley before.

I didn't even know it existed.

Well, Langley has some of
the most diverse biomes anywhere in the world.

From our dazzling
crystal-filled caves and dramatic limestone canyons

to our vast
and foreboding tundras.

Oh, wow.

But what did
what you said mean?

You deserve this, babe.

And here is the bellman
with your...

One bag? You two share a bag?

That's all her stuff.
She's the one being spoiled.

I'll be perusing
the lost and found.

What's that?

[manager] There is a legend
of a village boy

that wanted to run faster
than all the other boys.

So he stole the face
of a wolf, thinking it would help him run like one.

But being a wolf
was unnatural for the boy and made him go mad.

He howled and howled,
before finally throwing himself off the cliff.

They say the Mercurial Winds
of Langleytano are his howls,

and if you listen too closely,
they will make you go mad as well.

- [wind howling]
- [Jeff and Hayley shriek]

There they are,
the Mercurial Winds of Langleytano.

Very mercurial.

Cool story, man.
But I'm ready for you to leave.

Oh.

Okay. Let the pampering begin.

We can do anything you want.

You know what I want
inside me right now?

Starts with a D,
ends with an "aiquiri."

[slurps, sighs]

This is way easier than sex.

[Roger] Excuse me.
Can I get a little help?

I overbleached
my tush hole at the salon,

and need to tan it back
to the color I was aiming for.

If you could move
my thong to the side?

I didn't say gently.

And hold my
cheeks apart. Gently.

That's it.

Now look away.
I don't want anyone to see my hole this color.

Hey, buongiorno, bitches.

I thought you gave us
your room. What are you doing here, Roger?

Rocherro Ferrero is the name.
Super-rich pudding heiress.

Your room was actually
the room my assistant was supposed to use.

But now she's in
this big old urn.

- She died?
- Yep. Worked herself to death.

I'm gonna spread her ashes
on the Sunday afternoon cruise.

Crazy she died
just days before our trip.

This was one of
my favorite places to make her work nonstop.

Hey, you lazy slugs.

Get us a round
of loaded Bloodies or everyone here is fired.

You know the way I like them.
Move! Move!

[scoffs] You don't have to be
such an asshole.

This is exactly what I have
to deal with at Sub Hub.

Oh, I'm not really a jerk.

I just do it to get
good service and extra stuff.

Most rich people are this way.
They're really good people.

You just have to
get to know them. And also be rich.

Yeah, but you don't
have to be rude to get good service.

[laughs] Yes, you do.

Rude gets results.
That's why they both start with R.

Thank you, slugs.

I'd like to see you get
something as crazy cool

as these loaded Bloodies
with kindness.

Okay. Excuse me.

Could I get spiked
Orange Juliuses,

served in Erlenmeyer flasks,

with tofu meatballs
cascading from them, please?

You're doing great.

Yeah, sorry. We don't have
any of that stuff.

Oof. That was
very embarrassing for you.

[sighs] This is how I get
treated at work. See? I knew this wasn't a good idea.

I'm sorry, babe. But...

I need to get some sunscreen.
Yes, that's why.

He's cute as a button.
Where'd you find him?

In a ravine.

[sighs] Rudes get results.

- [door slams]
- My wife asked for three Orange Julias

and she better
fricking get them.

What's wrong with you?
Do you have no brain? Like a baby?

Fix this. I'm super rich.

I travel the world
in a big balloon.

[breathing heavily]

Damn. I don't think
I could do that again.

Got it.

Please enjoy
your strange order,

as well as these
complimentary cheese dippers.

Wow, I guess kindness
really does work, babe.

And free cheese dippers?
You really had an effect on them.

- See?
- Something's weird here.

Nothing's weird.
People respond to positive reinforcements.

I'll tell you what.
Tomorrow, let's you and I

use all the resort's
facilities together

- and we'll see
who gets better service. - In.

I thought we were just
gonna relax tomorrow.

You saw how well me
being nice worked getting those drinks, didn't you?

I think this might be
just what I need to restore my faith in humanity.

But what if Roger's right?

What if being mean
does work better?

Then I don't know.
Maybe I'll just kill myself.

[laughs hysterically]

Are we waiting for Jeff?

He said he's gonna be
in the gift shop all day.

Weird time to start
a magnet collection, but it's his vacation too.

I'm gonna show you
what it's like to be truly pampered.

But you got to let the staff
know who's boss.

- It's all part of the game.
- Wrong.

I'm gonna show you
how I can get everything you can get,

and more, just by being nice.

[chuckles] You don't get
the game, Hayley.

You don't get the game.

This is empty.

Let's roll.

[? mysterious music playing]

Hey, turds. We wanna get
in the hot tub,

but instead of water,
we want it to be green tea. Now.

Could we actually get
our massages here in the hot tub

from masseuses
in scuba gear, please?

No.

[inaudible]

Hey. We want to eat
a big meal right here.

All hot and fresh
made by local grandmas. Move, slugs.

Excuse me.
This meal is so good.

But I was wondering,
pretty please,

could we eat this on a cliff
overlooking the ocean?

I'm sorry. That's not
something we're able to do.

Well done.

[sobbing]

And now it's time
for Grill Session,

where I grill
a local businessperson who totally deserves it.

With me tonight
is deputy director of the CIA, Avery Bullock.

Oh, the pleasure
is mine, Greg.

Sir, under your watch,
the CIA has blown up three foreign embassies,

two post offices,
and the only Cinnabon in Antarctica.

People are angry.
What do you have to say for yourself?

Well, we've got great news
for all the haters.

The C in CIA
now stands for Cakes.

Oh, I love cakes.
Are you selling cakes? What kind?

Would you mind
if I answered that in the form of a song?

I would not.

? Big cakes, small cakes
Orange cakes too ?

? Call us today
There's a cake for you ?

? Cakes for you
and cakes for me ?

? Cakes for two
and cakes for three ?

Yay, that was so fun.
Okay, everyone go buy the CIA's cakes.

Have we cut?

How dare you upstage me
with that velvety voice?

I'm the singer. I'm the star.

Today was impressive, Hayley.
That cliffside lunch?

You've got me thinking
maybe there is a place for kindness in this world.

Are you ready to order?

I'll have the adult
p'sghetti meatball.

No. Everybody's got to get
the branzino.

Mainly because
I love saying it.

-"Branzino."
- That's what I was thinking.

I'm sorry. We only have
one branzino left.

I'm sorry too, but if I don't
get a plate with branzino on it... Branzino.

...I will burn this place
and all of its occupants to the ground.

I'm so sorry about her.
You're such a good waiter.

Just bring her a big old
bowl of soup or something

and bring me the branzino.

You're doing really great.
And I like your teeth.

I guess we'll finally
see for sure whose style reigns supreme.

Oh, shoot. I forgot
the sunscreen again.

Doesn't seem
too bright in here.

I guess he is sitting closest
to the candle.

Stiles, gun it.

Yes, that's it, boys.
The rebrand is a smashing success.

We can drop
a 10-tiered chiffon cake into a warzone

from two continents away.

I think we can get
a race car cake to Chesterfield Park by Friday.

That's another.

Stop everything. I got
the big one on the phone.

- The TV show Ace of Cakes?
- Yeah.

They want us
to be on an episode

where the challenge
is cooking 200 cakes to theme.

Uh, one question.

How are we gonna put sprinkles
on 200 cakes at once?

Somebody order
a Sprinkle Blaster?

[shrieks]

- Tell them we're in.
- [all] Yeah.

And can someone please
take the Sprinkle Blaster from Dr. Weitzman?

Someone who knows
how to use it.

- Where's your sunscreen?
- Oh, I put it on in the hallway.

And then ate the bottle.

How does this guy
not die all the time?

Adult p'sghetti meatball
for the gentleman.

And now the moment of truth.

A big old bowl of soup
for you.

And the branzino.

Maybe kindness
does have its perks.

Even if this branzino's
a little dry.

This is not the way
human nature works.

Something very fishy
is going on here, and it's not the branzino.

Which is a very mild fish.

[yelling]

I forgot my assistant.

[yelling]

I'm questioning everything.
Does kindness really work?

No.

Dead end?
Where the hell am I? No.

[Jeff] Look at me
when I'm talking to you.

You're the worst waiter ever.

That's Jeff.

My wife says
your branzino's a little dry.

A little dry?
That wasn't part of the deal.

I knew it wasn't kindness.
Oh, they're going down.

[wind howling]

Damn. That's a crazy,
angry wind.

Well, I guess that
branzino incident last night

settled everything
pretty definitively.

The only thing left to do
is dump out my assistant.

Told you kindness works.
Not gonna lie. Feels pretty good.

Which got me thinking,

since it worked so well,
surely you could do it one more time.

- You know,
to really rub my nose in it. - What do you have in mind?

Get the captain to take us
to that island there.

I could get us there
by being a big jerk, no problem.

Done it a bunch of times.
Think you could do it with kindness?

I think I'd benefit
from enjoying the ride they have planned.

Don't worry, Jeff.
I got this. Oh, Captain.

Let me guess.
You want to touch the wheel?

Actually, I was wondering,
since you're such an amazing captain...

- Me?
- ...could you take us to that island?

To What If The Winds
Kick Up Island?

I'd love to.
But what if the winds kick up?

No way, little lady.

Well, just think about it.

Oh, my gosh.
I can't believe it, but I just realized I forgot--

Your sunscreen again?
I got you.

Hmm. Doesn't seem
like the boat's going toward the island.

Maybe the power of kindness
has run out.

Oh, shoot.
I gotta whiz really bad.

The bathrooms are actually
the other way.

But you don't
have to whiz at all, do you?

You went in the pool
before we left, didn't you?

I know everything
you've been up to.

You're being a jerk
to help Hayley.

Oh, no! I've been pushed.

Captain, you take this boat
to that island now or I'll have you fired.

[coughs]

I'm rich.
I own a thousand monocles.

Your rich tactics
don't work on me. I only answer to the sea.

- [thunderclap]
- And the sea is telling me

it's time to get back
to the harbor.

Go back?
But I have to spread my assistant's ashes.

- [thunder rumbling]
- [wind howling]

I'm very rich
and powerful, I tell you.

I have many Sea-Doos,
and a chocolate river,

and three ghosts
that visit me at Christmas.

I have all those things too.

Jeff, what are you doing?

I'm yelling at the Captain
to go to the island,

so your kindness can win.

Wait. What?

It's been Jeff the whole time.
That's why you got the branzino.

I've been yelling at everyone
and it's been eating me up inside.

I'm sorry, babe.

Kindness doesn't get you shit.

This time,
I'm not asking nicely.

You're taking us
to that island.

I'm taking us back.

[growling]

The customer is always right.

You smell like mayonnaise.

We don't even sell
eggs Benedict!

She works at Sub Hub.

And no. You can't get
the key to the [bleep] bathroom!

[howling]

Give her room.
She's got the wind madness.

And the winner of
the 200-cake challenge is...

[drumroll playing]

...the Cakes IA.

- [? triumphant music playing]
- [all cheering]

Yeah.

Agents, I have bad news.

The Obamas canceled
their 40-person pineapple upside-down cake?

Worse. Terrorists snuck into
the Capitol and stole all of Congress' cocaine.

They're rightly pissed
and want them caught.

So, we got our funding back.

But what about the cakes?

[sadly] Back to
strictly spy stuff.

- No!
- No!

[all shouting]

Whoa, whoa.
This is sensitive equipment.

Who knows
what frosting will do?

- No!
- No!

[? dramatic music playing]

These are the Mercurial Winds
of Langleytano.

I'm sorry.

We're going directly into
a storm to die because a sub sandwich lady wants us to?

This isn't how the system
is meant to work.

If somebody's gonna
put everyone's life at risk for no good reason,

it should be a rich person.

[all] Hear, hear.

[all howling]

Now they've got
the wind madness.

Everyone but me.
Why? Why, God?

It's all I ever wanted.

I know you're upset about
the whole it turning out

kindness can't
get you crap deal,

but why are you still
trying to get to the island?

Because I wanna get
what I want. Just one time.

Even if it screws everybody.

Very cool answer.

[pounding on door]

- They're gonna
break the door down. - Let them.

[howling]

- [all screaming]
- Whoa!

What am I doing?

[pounding on door]

This way.

Well, I guess this is it.
Better release the ashes now.

Marbles?

And a photo of my assistant
flipping me off?

She's not dead?
Well, she's definitely fired.

And I still need closure.

[? dramatic music playing]

[groaning]

It's a marble storm!

[grunting]

[marbles clattering]

Those are some pretty
crazy winds.

[slowly] Very mercurial.

I know it's weird,

but I feel more relaxed
than I have in a long time.

Like I got something
out of my system.

This weekend was
just what I needed. Thanks, guys.

I'm ready for this vacation
to be over so I can relax.

And now,
the only other issue...

I just worry they're not gonna
believe us about the marbles.

It's not the best alibi.
In fact, it's not an alibi at all.

It's really just
the murder weapon.

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