Original subtitles

Is it working?

I can see you. I think it's recording.

Already! He's incredible.

Etienne can make anything work.

In a flash, he knows the workings of any machine.

You read the instructions, Grandma. It's no big deal.

Mom, don't get up. I'm filming you.

I don't like this. I don't know how to act.

Don't act. Be yourself.

Look at the camera.

Mom! Stop posing. You make me laugh.

What pose?

You're pouting.

I am not.

I swear. Right, Grandma?

A little, just a little.

- Are you filming me? - In close-up.

Go away.

Look at that.

Look, it's us.

It's time to own up.

Where did you get the money?

Did you rob a bank?

Hold up an old lady?

Silly boy... Stop it.

No, I won it, that's all.

Part of it.

What's this? You won it?

You gamble, Grandma? At the casino?

It was a scratch card... A Banco.

You do that often?

My Life On Ice

Don't bring it here. It'll get swiped.

Go on, be yourself. You look great.

Rolling!

Concentrate. This is serious.

Stop messing around!

The million dollar question:

Have you ever fucked?

Jerk-off! You expect me to answer in front of your camera?

Ludo, it's only a game.

Sure, you'll show the others. They'll die laughing.

No way! They're all losers. I hate them.

If you're scared, it means no.

What? You're such a jerk-off!

Give me the camera. Let's see if you can answer.

Give it here.

Come on!

I've never been laid.

I haven't found anyone yet.

But this year, I've decided. It will be the year of love.

I don't believe a word.

I'm really serious.

This year, I'll fall in love and get laid.

But it can't go wrong. There's my competition.

Maybe it can wait till after the French Cup.

- You're chickening out. - I'm not chickening out.

I'm planning ahead.

Come on, faster, faster!

Thanks.

I can't do this...

I can't!

Me neither.

To my beloved son

What are you doing? You don't film graves.

Why not?

I don't know.

- It's not decent. - That's totally stupid.

Put the camera down and help me.

- In two minutes. - No, now!

I don't give a damn about his grave.

So stop filming it!

Stop that and come help me.

Don't let Grandma see her son's grave neglected.

I don't believe this!

You have jelly legs today. Get up!

Take it easy... Left shoulder, left arm forward... Okay.

Pick.

Come here.

Got a picture?

Yeah, don't worry. It's really funny.

Now I'm filming my feet.

Check out those old shoes!

This is our change room...

Etienne, our champion.

First boy in the club to do a triple toe loop.

So how does it feel?

Ready for the 2006 Olympics?

- This is the rink. - Stop.

Give it back. That's boring.

- Is it digital? - Yes, it gives a great picture.

You're bothering him.

Not at all. It's a good place to film. Something to remember.

I don't know, it bothers me. You'll have it in a week.

Okay, thanks.

Anyway, at least he has a passion.

He has plenty but they're all solitary.

Figure skating and now his camera.

I wish he'd do group things.

Right, honey?

You could have done a team sport. Hockey, for example.

- Rouen has a good team. - So I heard.

I don't like teams.

Are you filming?

Yes, I'm sorry. I'll stop right now.

No, I want to show you something.

This year, I brought some pretty flowers.

It's not easy, you know.

On gray marble, my God... You can put anything.

But here, I'm very careful.

It's beautiful, very beautiful, and harmonious.

You can film the gravestone but you mustn't film me.

My husband ran a paint shop.

I couldn't give him a grave in black and white.

What about you?

Are you visiting your grandparents' grave?

No, my father... I mean my stepfather.

Don't just stand there. I'm not taking a photo.

Move, talk... Act like I'm not filming you.

What do you want us to do?

You want us to take a walk?

Caroline... Care to take a walk?

No, that's not it at all!

This is where you took your first steps.

Damn, I pressed a button.

Go ahead, Mom.

This is where you took your first steps.

Where? Show me.

Over there, by the orientation table.

You saw a seagull. I was holding your hand.

I let go and you walked after the seagull.

That's all.

When was it?

Christmas, 1986.

I've told you a hundred times.

This is different. I'm filming. Tell me.

Get back!

For God's sake!

I'm nowhere near the edge, Grandma.

Beware of landslides

Christian loved this place.

- You discovered it with him? - No, I'd been here already.

But you often came here together?

Yes.

You shouldn't stir up old memories.

The camera is upsetting you.

We came here often when he was small.

I had to watch out. He was agitated. Like you, in fact.

Isn't it strange, Caroline?

Don't you think Etienne is a lot like Christian?

I don't know.

I didn't know him as a teenager.

I say there's something there.

After all, birds of a feather flock together.

It's a shame we can't go down anymore,

that it's all collapsed.

It was here that Mrs. Grandville's son fell and was killed.

He went too close to the edge.

He fell and down there, it's sandstone.

It's a sad story. He was what, 20 years old?

Of course, some people said he jumped.

It's all lies. Vicious rumors!

The cliff was falling apart, that's all.

Fantastic! You look fantastic!

Wait, here goes...

It's wonderful!

You're beautiful.

Watch your presentation coming out of the pirouettes.

Good, Nicolas!

Faster, Etienne!

Better!

Presentation!

Now glide.

Careful... Left arm forward!

I'm fed up. I can't do it!

Don't give up. You can do it alone.

But you overdo it in the lead up.

We'll break it down.

No really, I can't... I'm fed up.

That's enough.

Hey, it was still on!

"May all die with me, Madame,

"I care not, Who tramples the earth in which I rot.

"Will a flash of new light consume Illustrious elders, before the tomb?

"Made to breathe again by nephews who Fail to attain family glory anew.

"Will they dishonor, and nothing more,

"Blood made degenerate heretofore.

"When we lose the light of day,

"That life beyond is mere hearsay.

"Against but a moment of happiness sought,

"Cold, vain eternity's value is naught.

"No, I am jealous and my impatience..."

Huge chunk...

Can I cut it short?

"The glory you've spread far and wide, Ensures king's daughters nationwide.

"When master...

"When master of the world..."

That's it, sorry, I know...

"When master of the world I be,

"Absolute on earth, sovereign at sea.

"My heart...

"Finish not. In the manner begun..."

I'll cut here... "I wish to receive only obedience.

"To whom do you give me?"

Etienne.

Let's go.

"Farewell, I have strayed."

"To whom do you give me?"

"Farewell, I have strayed."

"On whom can I rely, Oh Lord!

"If one must always love,

"suffer,

"die."

You don't know it off by heart yet.

Easy for you to say. It's really difficult.

Get it right or she'll die laughing.

I don't even have the part yet.

You'll get another one. They take everybody.

What are you doing?

Ever heard you could be an actor?

That's a joke. Really funny. Actor!

What?

Everybody ready?

We're going to look at map 13 and water resources...

in the Palestine region.

So we're looking at map 13.

The region is essentially divided up into 3 territories.

Want to go to the fair tonight?

Not tonight. It's going to rain.

Hello. Can I have a toffee apple, please?

Here.

Go ahead.

I'm sorry, I can't do it.

Anyway, it's ridiculous.

It's weird but I find it easier this way.

It's just that you're incredibly vain.

So, after rehearsals...

We went to the movies.

What did you see?

I can't remember.

Julia Roberts was in it. A chick flick.

Don't say that. I like Julia Roberts.

That's not the issue. What did you do?

First I put my hand on her knee, like this.

And then, I kissed her.

No way! With your tongue?

I'm not 3 years old. You're such a virgin!

And then did you fuck her?

And then did you fuck her?

No, not yet.

But I'm not sure it's going to happen.

Why?

I don't know. She's complicated.

And I have this feeling, that's all.

Hold on. You're not going to pull out now.

You learned how many?

482.

482 incomprehensible lines by Corneille and you say...

Enough... I know but I like theater too.

Yeah but who cares?

Vanessa has potential. She's great.

So you fuck her.

That sucks.

For me, she's a friend. She's your girlfriend.

I have no time for the theater club.

I only said it because I heard it's the year of love.

You don't understand words.

I said "love."

Stop, you're a pain!

You said I could. You don't keep promises.

You have to keep your word.

212.40 francs, please.

Mom, the card!

- What? - The card.

Of course. I suppose you'll be coming here often?

I'm a good customer for bookshops.

Yes, of course.

This is our regular customer card.

For every 1,000 francs spent, you get a 50-franc voucher,

which makes 5% .

In January, it will be converted into euros,

so for 150 euros,

you get a reduction of 7.5 euros,

or if you prefer, 7 euros and 50 cents.

I haven't got my head round it yet.

It's hard to pronounce "cents."

Anyway, thanks a lot.

Thanks. See you soon. Goodbye.

Champion! Champion! Champion of the world!

It's a piece of cake, Etienne. One more time.

Very good!

Jesus, I got it!

It feels good.

You're putting me off. Leave me alone.

I'll help you. What's the clue?

"Flowing African."

Four letters.

"Flowing African"? It must be a river.

I worked that out, thanks.

Got a letter to help me?

"U" at the start.

I don't know.

I'm hopeless at geography.

I can ask Laurent.

Laurent? Who's that?

My geography teacher. Don't you remember?

No. His name's Laurent?

You call your teachers by their first names?

When they're nice guys.

Didn't you like him?

I only saw him for two minutes.

"Slave from Antiquity."

I wasn't filming before. It's important. We need a record.

Don't go all modest!

I have some modesty.

Now I've heard everything.

- I'll say it. - Don't you dare!

- He got... - Shut up!

- He got laid! - Stop it!

Ludo slept with Vanessa.

Etienne?

Filming the whole collection is one hell of a job!

Etienne!

What are you doing there?

Nothing.

- You're cheating. - I'm not, I swear.

- What's that? - Nothing.

Why is it here? How do I turn it off?

You turn the switch.

What are you doing? You're looking for trouble?

I'm not hurting anyone.

Put it away. You'll get it confiscated.

I said that's enough.

Cut it out, right now.

We're going to make a rule.

No more filming without permission, okay?

I don't want you to film anyone without asking, especially me.

Okay? Get it?

You're recording.

Since you don't get it when I say it normally, get this:

No more filming without permission or I'll confiscate it.

Got permission?

I couldn't miss it.

Leave me alone. I'm working.

Stop it!

Cut it out! Go film something else. I have a job to do.

Every year, they do the best window display in Rouen.

Christian always stopped here when he was small.

He loved chocolate,

even at your age.

He loved life.

That's why he loved your mother.

You don't remember their wedding?

The sugared almonds came from here.

You ate so many of them.

You were sick.

You don't remember. You were too small.

There, I have everything!

What is it?

I'm not telling. You'll see.

Come on!

Hello.

Very well, thanks.

Look, he's over there.

Rolling!

Father Christmas has been!

What's in here?

What is it?

I don't know but it was cheap.

What does it do?

It's a bottle opener.

You think so?

Not very original.

You know I love them.

- It suits you. - It suits me, huh?

Really well.

Thanks.

My pleasure.

Real professional blades.

Thanks.

They're beautiful.

Another gift!

It's so heavy!

What can it be?

What is it?

Euros. That's fantastic!

Look, aren't they lovely? They shine.

A real treasure-trove!

Hey, love birds!

- Act in love! Go ahead, kiss. - Leave us alone.

Happy now?

- Can I say something? - No.

Your friend's creepy!

Cut it out.

And you don't care?

I can't take any more! You filmed us all night. I'm fed up!

Isn't that great?

It goes on and off by remote control.

- You mean it's on? - Yes.

Where was it before?

I didn't see it at the bottom of the box.

What a loser.

Now I'll cut.

No need to get up.

Cool.

So how's Vanessa?

- Give me that. Let me cut. - No.

Give it to me.

I'm not answering.

Pain in the ass.

She dumped me.

Shit.

Why?

- She said it was your fault. - Me? What did I do?

The other day, with the camera.

It was only a joke.

I'm sorry.

Do you hate me?

I wouldn't be here.

First up, we won't fight for a girl.

Second up, the camera was a pretext. She's really uptight.

Third up...

Third up... There's no third up?

What do you mean uptight? You fucked her?

Yeah.

Almost.

I don't believe it. You lied to me.

That sucks. You let me down.

"In my kingdom is a group

"that would make a confederation of resistance

"of the shared duties and obligations,

"bringing into the monarchy an imaginary body..."

You're not filming?

Yeah, Elise. She's hot for you.

- Bullshit. - No, I swear.

Etienne, Ludovic, stop talking.

"It is, then, a mistake to imagine any project that would destroy the magistrature.

"lts true enemies lie within, making it speak against its own principles,

"saying that parliament is the essence of monarchy

"and serves as its very base; that it is the seat and tribunal for the nation;

"that it is the judge between the King and his subjects;

"that parliament cooperates with the King in the establishment of law;

"that it must erect an insurmountable barrier to the decisions of an arbitrary authority."

What are you up to?

See? We're filming ourselves watching TV.

I see, but what's the point?

It's his idea. Pretty stupid, huh?

He says it's an experiment but it's to avoid correcting papers.

Tattletale! I'll teach you...

Stop it!

Laurent, how old are you? Stop it!

One, two, three, four...

five, six, seven, eight!

Not bad.

A little better.

Very good.

Thanks.

Come on, cut it out.

You shouldn't have hassled me. Serves you right.

You're not going to film me naked.

Stop it!

That's too much!

For Caroline, a magnificent cake.

Thanks.

You shouldn't have.

It's a black forest.

We put all the candles.

Yeah, thanks.

It's rolling. You can go.

All at once.

I'll try.

Did you make a wish?

I almost forgot.

Wish for something important.

With all those candles, it's sure to come true.

Etienne, lay off.

Now what?

Stop it, here goes...

Shit, shit, shit!

I changed the frame. It's in closer. It's better now.

This is ridiculous. I blew it, it's finished.

Go ahead, try again.

It's got to work the second time.

We can always redo the whole thing.

No, it's okay. Here goes...

Stop it, I have to concentrate.

Start again.

There are six jumps. They go in two categories.

There are forward jumps,

and backwards jumps.

Either you go in forward or you go in backward.

That's pretty clear.

The flip is like this.

You enter backwards, inside edge... Inside edge, get it?

So it's like this.

It's not the same as the Lutz, which you enter backwards too.

It's the same leg but on an outside edge.

It's much harder because you rotate the opposite way.

Get it?

More or less.

There's also the toe loop.

That's on the other leg. Outside edge. Okay?

That one's not too hard. I can do a triple.

But I'll show you a single.

You do three prep steps, you turn, toe pick...

It's hot in here.

The axel is the ultimate jump.

It's hard because it's the only one with a forward entrance.

See... It's like this... Outer edge.

It's scary but exciting. You feel like you're taking off.

The thing is, if you leap forward

and you do full revolutions, what happens?

I don't know.

You land going forward and splat! You can't.

You need an extra half turn.

When you say double axel, it's two and a half.

And the triple is almost impossible.

I'll show you the single.

I can't, I have to take off my trousers.

- Stop, I get it! - What?

- Got enough footage? - Just a little more.

I don't want a whole cassette on her!

Be nice.

Get out of the way, loser!

Jerk! What's your problem?

It's my camera, that's all.

I shouldn't say it on camera but I sucked.

I didn't have stage fright. I was relaxed.

It was hopeless. Even I didn't get what I said.

She was no help.

She made me pay for our fling.

She changed the words so my lines didn't rhyme.

She had it all prepared. I looked like an asshole.

You weren't bad at all.

I think she wasn't that great. Really awkward.

She walks all wrong. She drags her ass.

And that drawling voice! She's so annoying, talks like a duck.

I think you're good.

Not at your lines, but blame her.

You're good on stage. You're handsome.

What is this bullshit?

Not at all. You're handsome. It's really important.

What do they say?

You have presence. That's what they say about actors?

I don't know.

Forget the words. As an actor, you're handsome.

Handsome and sexy. You were perfect for the part.

Pouting!

Now, with a smile.

Now, laughing.

This time, anxious.

...here at campaign headquarters. And he smiled.

He kissed some of the militants,

but at that time we couldn't see any trace of emotion.

Did he have the latest figures?

What are they trying to tell us?

It's obvious. Le Pen's in the second round.

Stay with us. The results will no doubt

cause considerable upheavals.

My father for Mam�re. My mother didn't vote.

Dad's girlfriend voted Taubira and Dad voted for Hue.

Mom voted for Bayrou and my father...

- Own up. - For Chev�nement.

Mom voted for Mam�re too.

- And Laurent? - For Besancenot.

Come on, let's go!

Saint-Lazare, Paris, last stop.

Please make sure you leave nothing behind.

With 100 voters, an absolute majority

takes 51.

If 10 don't vote or vote informal, it's 90,

and the majority of these 90

is 90 divided in half plus one: 46.

So the less people who vote,

the easier it is to get a majority.

Down... Down with the National Front!

F as in fascist! And N as in Nazi!

We are all the children of immigrants

First... Second... Third generation!

Second round.

In a few seconds now, it will be eight o'clock.

Our estimation of the results of the Presidential election.:

Jacques Chirac is elected President of the Republic with 82. 1% of votes.

Jean-Marie Le Pen.: 17.9% of votes.

Good!

Better landing.

Why are you filming me?

You film everyone. I can film you too.

I don't film everyone. It's never embarrassing.

No... Yes, a little, sometimes.

- The keys are in my pocket. - Give it back.

- You're no fun. Take the keys. - Give me the camera.

I can always do it myself.

You see?

I let you film me.

The best is yet to come.

It's like my first communion.

You boys, such a fuss for a tie!

I couldn't take him to the opera in jeans!

Beautiful, isn't she?

Aren't we a handsome couple?

We're a magnificent couple,

only we're going to be late for the opera. Scram!

Don't go to bed too late.

Elise is hot.

She wants it but she's playing hard to get.

On Saturday, I dumped her and picked up Cathy.

- Who's she? - You don't know her.

She's out of control. She's done every guy in town.

At least she's not difficult.

I only just started kissing her when...

What?

She blew me. It was wow!

- You mean... - Yeah.

I'll introduce you.

Wait, she's your girl.

What, are you dumb? She's not my girl, Elise is.

With her, it was nothing.

Wait.

Not too tense?

Yeah, a little.

- You'll be fine. - I'll go warm up.

Be careful with it. Don't drop it.

Relax, I have a good grip.

Here we go.

- There he is! - My God, he's so tall!

I'm so nervous!

Me too, even if I'm not on the ice.

It's no time to film me!

Congratulations on this 2nd place in the French Cup.

I believe it's your first podium.

Two losers!

Does it work?

Yeah, it looks like it's working.

Try everything. It was a big fall.

Check all the options.

I'll try the zoom.

It's fine. It seems to work.

Stop, I can't do this. I look like a moron.

Try. You only did 10 seconds.

You're out of practice.

We got some peace when it was broken.

Stop, I can't go on!

There's too much wind.

So?

Ludo's love life, part 2.

We've been here a week and he's picked up a girl.

For now, it's only in the first stages.

But it's summer. They're losing all control.

Still, you're an expert. A seducer. The local hunk.

Don't overdo it.

Let's go to a caf� instead. They're full of chicks.

Even you'll find one.

The adventure continues: Etienne and chicks. Sizzle, sizzle!

Count me out.

This year sucked. Summer won't be any better.

Pain in the ass. It's the year of love, remember?

He said it, right? Now live up to it.

- Some other time. - No, now. Come on!

Can't we go to the beach instead?

Can't you walk a little? You're beautiful like that.

Still filming?

I told him to leave us alone but he won't.

- You spoil everything! - What?

You spoil everything!

Stop it! You get on my nerves!

What are you doing?

Nothing.

You film me sleeping?

Yeah, no reason.

We're different asleep. I'll show you.

Ever filmed yourself asleep?

Got nothing better to do?

Go to the beach.

Call Ludo.

I can't fall asleep again if you stay here.

Go away, please.

Go film the kites.

Etienne! What are you doing?

-Hey. -Hey.

I got bored with my stepfather.

Who's your stepfather?

- Who's your stepfather? - Laurent, of course.

They're not married.

They're fucking. Same thing.

Can't you stop filming? You're getting annoying.

Can you get us something to drink?

My camera... You have no right.

Here.

It's not very interesting.

Yes it is.

Be natural.

You know, you're good looking.

It's okay, I didn't mean anything.

I don't see why you're alone.

You should meet some girls.

I asked you to look after it, not to film.

These images suck.

No, it's a great place.

You can erase it if you want.

Act like I'm not here.

It's not easy but I'll drink to you anyway.

Etienne, take the camera.

That's not what it's for.

You're getting impossible. Lend it to us for once.

I'll confiscate it if you go on.

I'm not three years old. You all piss me off. Fuck you!

Come on, Etienne.

Okay, ready.

Another toast.

- Here's to love. - To love.

To you!

Here's to love, honey.

For you too.

Come back soon.

We'll be waiting!

Peekaboo!

To your health.

You're quiet.

Nothing to say.

Here's to silence.

It's funny, your obsession with filming me.

You think I'm hot?

Think I'm hot?

You ain't seen nothing yet.

You're really interested.

Aren't you ashamed?

That's enough...

It was a lousy joke.

- Drop that and have a drink. - I don't drink.

You should.

Give me that.

If it wasn't so uncool, I'd ask you to marry me.

Caroline, ready?

- Ready when you are. - Say the word.

On your marks, three, two, one, go!

I can't read it down there.

It's deliberate.

It's too personal.

I love you

Speak, say something.

This is boring.

I'll tell you about the nightclub.

You don't have to make conversation.

If you don't want to know...

Where's your chick?

Out with her folks.

Without you?

We're not married.

Laurent was lucky. It's a long way down.

He could have smashed...

You have to be uncoordinated.

I gave him a hand.

It's dumb to say that, even as a joke.

You'd have no reason to do that.

That wasn't bad... It stopped me in my tracks.

I didn't believe it but it felt weird.

You should be the actor.

Is it possible to love a boy?

You ask stupid questions.

Not that stupid. What do you think?

I think if you're a fag, it must be possible.

What are you trying to say?

Nothing.

I mean... I don't know.

It's hard to say.

Don't force yourself. I really don't want to hear it.

Hey, is that your camera?

Are you okay?

You think this is good timing?

Yes.

- No. - Yes it is.

Wait, don't touch!

Look...

You're cute.

We look so different after making love.

Subtitles by Heidi Wood