Original subtitles

[horn beeping]

[upbeat music]

[both yelling]

♪ ♪

[quirky music]

["Jingle Bells" playing]

♪ ♪

- I had a feeling he'd be back.

Don't trust him, Tommy.

He has chin hairs.

- Ho ho ho! Oh, Merry Christmas!

He's not wet, is he?

These pants are imported velvet.

- So that's Santa Claus.

- There you go. Happy Holidays!

Hey, Deed, is everything okay?

- Yes. No.

Not really, Betty.

Tomorrow is the first night of Hanukkah and Christmas Eve.

But none of my online parenting communities

prepared me for both events

happening on the same night on Tommy's first holiday!

Complementary cocoa?

Ugh. - You'll be okay, Deed.

You know Christmas.

And you know Hanukkah. You got this.

And look, Tommy's loving the whole Santa thing already.

Just hope he doesn't pull a Phil and snap the beard.

- Ho ho ho, who do we have here?

- [screams]

- We got another runner!

- Why is everyone so a'scared?

He seems like a nice, norman grandpa.

- There's nothing norman about that guy.

They say he sees us when we're sleeping.

He knows when we're awake.

He even knows where we hided icky snacks under the couch.

How can one person see all that stuffs?

- Okay, little guy.

Time to say hi to Santa Claus!

Oh, let's hope this goes better than last year.

- Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho!

- Hello, Mr. Claus. This is Chuckie Finster.

He's been a very good boy all year.

Haven't you, Chuckie? - [whimpering]

- Come on, pal.

Daddy just wants a cute picture for Aunt Linda.

- Well, you know, Chuckie, Santa's been watching you.

- [screams]

[objects clattering, people gasping]

[laughter]

- Now that's a job well done, Junior Carpenter!

- Ugh, well, our Christmas plans are a bust.

Raccoons took over the cabin.

- No way, do you have pictures? - You love that place!

- All I ever want for Christmas

is a week completely off the grid.

- No internet, no football, no Final Eclipse Holiday marathon,

which makes for a good old-fashioned Christmas!

Darn those raccoons!

- I like your mama's frozeded bubbles.

I bet fairies live inside of 'em!

- So that's why they break so much.

The fairies is trying to get out!

- Holidays are so stressful.

- Where is my Elizabeth?

- Tía Esperanza! - Ay, mija.

- Who's that sparkly lady?

- That's our tía. She's fun!

- 'Cept when she does that thing to our necks.

- Tía! Como estás?!

- So that's what the kids are wearing these days.

- Want me to get your usual, Tía?

- Ay, mi ángel, gracias.

Elizabeth, you are a beautiful, strong woman over 30.

It is time.

- Time for what?

[gasps] - No!

- Tía, is that-- - Claro que sí!

You have finally been given the honor

of placing the Baby Jesus in the manger for Las Posadas!

Well, you and your niñitos también.

And this happens to a family only once a generation.

Ay, hija,

I had to pull some strings with the monsignor, you know.

- Oh, thanks for the gig, Betty.

Off for some last-minute shopping.

Well, aren't you a vision of sugarplums and pleather?

- Hola, I'm Esperanza.

I need to do a little shopping myself.

- Well, we may be shopping in different departments,

but I'll happily escort you.

- I'll see you all tomorrow night on Noche Buena!

Feliz Navidad! - Nice seeing you, Esperanza!

- Bye! - Feliz Navidad!

- You gotta keep him at your house.

It's way safer. - [chuckles]

[barking]

- Happens every year, sprouts.

Somehow, these screws get rusted

and need to be wrestled out.

Gotta get the angel for the top.

[doorbell rings]

- Hello, Mrs. Pickles!

Wishing you season's greetings from the world's largest

corporate giant right down to your humble little family!

They make us say that. Camera monitor.

- Thank you anyway, Daxton. Come in.

- Hey, Dax. Cookie?

- Cool, thanks. Uh, snowflake?

- Star of David.

See the six points? Where's he getting snowflake?

- Tommy's first Hanukkah menorah.

- Uh, I better get back. Duffy delivery never rests!

They make us say that, too.

Okay, happy holidays. Bye!

- Is it someone's birthday?

- No, this is for a Jewish holiday.

My mama's friend at work told me about it.

And then she gave me pretend coins

that are chocolate inside!

- Maybe the holidays aren't scary after all.

- You even gots a new potty!

- I don't think that's a potty.

- That's how you catch the Christmas bears.

- Christmas bears! Is that a thing?

- Oh, once again, you babies don't know anything

about everything,

and you want me to 'splain it all.

- Well, just the part about Santa watching us

and the Christmas bears.

- You're in luck.

This candy cane put me in a chatty mood.

First, there's no such thing as Christmas bears!

Just reindeer. And you gotta leave 'em carrots

'cause they get hungry after flying Santa's sleigh.

- But what if a bunny comes

and eats the carrots a'fore the reindeer?

- And then the bunny gets eated by the bear?

- There is no bear and no bunny!

You really don't know the ABC's of Christmas, do you?

- I know a few letters. - I want a bear.

- Some of it. - Not really.

- No bunny?

- This round thingie is where a great big tree goes

that gets lights and shiny balls

that break when no one's looking.

Then Santa comes and gives presents to kids

who were really good all year and did nothing bad.

Just like me!

Any questions, my dear cousin and his friends

who I love so much?

Hope you saw that, Santa.

- Just one question, Angelica.

When do people get to light those candles?

- Ugh! [doorbell rings]

- Boris! Minka!

- Is there a latke in the house?

Because I've got a bad case of potatoes!

- Borry, the babies!

Oh, oh, Tommelah! Oh, oh, come here.

- Tommy Pickles!

- And Tommelah's little friends!

We brought Hanukkah gifts for all of you, too!

- Thank you, nice Grandma Lady! I'm Tommy's cousin,

which means I'm extra nice to him and all the babies.

So you might wanna put in a good word about me to Santa.

- And what makes you think we know Santa?

- Don't all old people know each other?

- Where is my little girl? There she is!

- Boris, let me in!

Didi, I hope you picked up the sour cream.

And not the low-fat kind.

Sweetie, low-fat sour cream is fine.

No one will notice it next to your homemade applesauce.

Oh, shouldn't have opened my mouth.

- It's not that, Mom. I'm a bit overwhelmed,

what with our family traditions,

and Stu's family traditions.

All I want is for Tommy's first holiday to be special.

- Oh, and it will be.

Even with store-bought applesauce.

- Ho ho ho!

- Oh, hey, Boris, Minka. Happy Hanukkah!

- Haven't seen you two since the bris.

- Oh!

- You carry an axe around the bubbelahs?

- Oh, this isn't just any axe. This is Faithful Sal.

Belonged to my grandfather.

This baby has cut down every Pickles Christmas tree

since 1925.

Speaking of which, let's roll, boys.

Gotta get the tree up tonight.

- Excuse me, tonight?

Don't people put up their trees weeks before Christmas?

- It's a Pickles family tradition.

The tree goes up on Christmas Eve.

See y'all later.

- Can the lumberjacks at least be back before sundown?

- Get Chas. I'll be right there!

- Hanukkah cookie?

- Oh, I thought that was a snowflake.

- Am I the only one not seeing it?

- Like I was saying,

after Santa has left tons of toys under the tree,

he goes back up the chimney and gets in his sleigh.

- What if a house doesn't have a chimney?

- Santa just chops through the roof with an axe.

- The same axe he uses to fight off zombie-deers.

- Is that true, Angelica?

- There's no--I mean, yup,

Phil's right. Giant flying zombie-deers!

- [whimpers]

- What're you doing, Chuckie?

- Hiding till Christmas is over!

- If Santa's watching,

we might as well kiss that Glitterglamper Van goodbye.

But it was totally worth it.

- Hey, bubs.

Ugh, hi, Chuckie. Deed!

Good job hiding the you-know-what you-know-where!

- You guys! There's a dolly in there.

And it was looking at me kind of funny.

- Aunt Didi has a doll in the closet?

[gasps]

It comes with its own holder!

This must be a really fancy doll!

He's beautiful!

And I don't usually like babies.

Hi, Uncle Stu!

I wasn't looking for presents in the closet or nothing.

- I hope not.

You wouldn't want to ruin Aunt Didi's surprise.

Bye, kids!

- Hear that?

Uncle Stu just said this is my present from Aunt Didi!

- That's not what I heard him say.

- 'Cause it's a surprise, Susie Carmichael.

He can't say it's my present.

Aunt Didi is gonna give me this growed-up fancy doll

because I'm a big girl now.

- Angelica, can you be a big girl

and hand out these donuts to the babies?

- Of course, Aunt Didi!

- One for now.

One for later.

- Tommy, do you still wanna know

what the holidays are all about?

- Yes please.

- They're about doing something nice for other peoples.

And when you do something good for someone else,

good stuff happens to you.

- Really? - Well, that's what they say.

I know. Let's see if it's true.

I want that doll in Aunt Didi's closet.

I would get it myself,

but Santa's watching me, on accounta I'm a big kid.

He's not paying attention to a bunch of drooly babies.

So you need to get it for me. Good stuffs will happen.

Promise.

all: ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪

- Aw, gee, Lou. A little warning please!

I was mid-chorus. Now my fa-la balance is off!

- Uh, Pop, you sure this is the spot?

This doesn't look familiar.

- I've been coming to this exact spot

for the past 55 years.

- Does anyone else fear frostbite?

As you all know, I only have nine toes.

- Pop, promise it won't take four hours like last year.

- The trees need to speak to me.

And last year they were giving me the silent treatment.

[phone ringing] - Hey, hon.

- Darling, checking to make sure you're all right!

You know I worry about you off in the wilderness on

this yearly primitive ritual with your father and brother.

- Don't worry, Charlotte. I'm here too!

- Hello, Chas. Such a comfort.

Drew, if things go south,

promise you won't boil your good loafers for food.

You're better than that.

- Oh, honey, don't worry. Oh!

- Drew? Drew? Drew?

- We'll pick it up on the way out.

- Drew! Drew!

- One of these days he's gonna snap.

- Drew! Drew?

- It's been my worst fear for the past 15 Christmases.

- Who is this dolly, anyway?

- I dunno, but his diapie looks a little tight.

- Hurry, Tommy. She's coming!

[engine rumbling]

[horn honks]

[all straining]

- Don't forget the seatbelt!

You did good, babies. Now don't bother me.

I'm gonna play with my fancy new dolly.

[distant howling]

- Did you hear that? This tree just spoke to us.

- You sure that's not the wind whistling through my pants?

- This noble guardian has offered himself.

You ready, boys?

all: We thank this tree

for all that it has given us

and vow to plant five more in spring.

Farewell, oh, mighty fir!

[all howling]

- Who wants to take the first swing?

- Uh-uh, not me. - Oh, please.

- No way. - You first, Dad.

- Can I wait in the car? - [sighs]

Ow! My back!

- Needs more onions. Do I say something?

- No. This is Didi's brisket.

Just slip some in.

- Lucy, Randy, Chas, me. Not counting the kids,

there's gonna be how many of us for dinner?

- 11--we'll put the kids in their highchairs.

- If they can stay awake that late!

What is this thing that we're going to again?

- Dad, "this thing" is called Las Posadas.

And it's very important to Betty.

You only get asked once in your lifetime

to place the Baby Jesus in the manger.

- But why did it have to be this year?

Betty, don't get me wrong. We love you like a daughter--

- Boris, let me.

Betty, we love you like a daughter.

- I just said that! - I love you too.

I think you'll enjoy Las Posadas.

- And there's a donkey in the procession.

Dad, you love donkeys!

- Actually, it's a pony. The priest's brother owns one.

- Did you hear that, Minka? A live pony-donkey!

This I gotta see.

- We just want to make sure Tommelah gets to see

his Zayde light the menorah on the first night of Hanukkah.

- He will, just later than usual.

After Betty and the twins place the Baby Jesus in the manger,

and my father-in-law puts up his Christmas tree,

and we've had our brisket, which does not need more onions

because Stu does not like onions,

then Dad will light the menorah and say the blessing.

It may not be our usual family tradition,

but Betty is my family,

and so is Lou and all our friends,

and I think--no, I know.

This is what I want for Tommy's first holiday.

- Tommy is such a lucky boy to have you as his mommy.

And it's your family traditions you need to think about now,

not anybody else's.

No, yours and Stu's. Tommy's.

- Thank you, Dad.

I'm really happy you and Mom are here.

Oh! We should start packing up.

We're meeting Randy and Lucy soon.

- So when were you gonna tell me

your husband doesn't like onions?

- Sorry to interrupt, but did anyone move

the Baby Jesus that was in the closet?

- Much better!

It even matches your eyes!

- It was in the closet earlier. I saw it, I saw it there.

- Where would Baby Jesus be? - I saw it with my own eyes.

- Phillip, I think they're looking for the donuts.

- I only took what I needed, Lillian.

- We gotta go or we'll be late.

- But, Betty, what about--

- Right now, I'm hoping for a miracle.

Everyone grab a kid. Let's bounce.

- Oh! There you are, Angelica!

- I wasn't doing anything.

- Of course not, sweetie. Get your coat.

We have to go.

- Wait. The Baby Jesus is missing?

- It's gotta be a mistake, right?

Like, Stu thought it was a present and wrapped it,

or--or Lou threw it in the back of the car with the axe.

- None of the guys are answering their phones.

- Oh.

Let's hope they haven't come upon the Christmas bears.

- Really, Randy? The bears again?

- Believe. [phone ringing]

- Whatever you do, just don't say anything

about you-know-what in front of you-know-who.

That is, my aunt. Who is here!

Hola, Tía! - Ay, querida!

You made it! Finally, I can exhale!

You had me so worried. Hurry, it's already begun.

- You should tell her.

- Lucy's right.

- Ye of little faith.

[people singing in Spanish]

- The pilgrims are the voice of Joseph and Mary

who traveled from one inn to another, looking for shelter.

Joseph sings, "My wife is expecting a child.

She must have shelter tonight. Let us in!"

But the inns were full,

or the innkeepers were distrustful of Joseph and Mary.

And so they continued on.

- Why can't that lady and man go inside?

- Maybe it's 'cause horsies aren't allowed in the house?

- Betty, I know where this story goes.

We're running out of time. You need to tell her.

- Fine, I'll tell her that I hid the Baby Jesus

in your closet and now he's missing.

Just stand close enough to catch her when she faints.

- Hey, that's where we tooked that doll for you, Angelica!

- Well, how was I opposed to know it was Aunt Betty's!

- Oh, we never should've tooked him.

- Just remember, you all helped.

So we'll all get in trouble if we just give it back.

And then Santa won't bring any presents for any of us!

We're gonna have to put it

where it belongs before anyone finds out.

- I think it goes in that wooden crib with the hay

and that funny-looking sheep.

- Okay, follow me.

- Hurry, Tommy, a'fore the growed-ups see us.

- There's your mommy, Angelica!

- [laughs] - Quick, this way!

Goodbye, fancy big-girl doll.

- Angelica?

- It's Gabi!

- Hey, Angelica.

What are you doing here all by yourself?

- Oh, my mommy's right over there.

♪ ♪

- Help me up. [grunting]

[bleating]

[gasps]

Uh, nice doggy.

Very big doggy!

- Oh, no, you guys. Tommy's getting eated!

- Elizabeth, mija.

It is time to place the Baby Jesus in the manger.

- Tía, I have something to tell you

for which you may never forgive me.

- Where are the bubbelahs!?

- Tommy! - Chuckie!

both: Susie! - Pups!

- But they were just here!

- Ahh! This dolly isn't yours!

[grunting] You can't have it.

- Get outta here, you dumb goat!

- [babbling]

- You okay, Tommy?

- Yeah. Thanks, Angelica.

- Well, I owed you one for being such a good cousin

and helping me in the first place.

- Ahh! Oh, Tommy!

- Phil! Lil!

- Here we are. - All this running.

Are we on a track team?

- Boris, how you doing? - With a goat?

- Betty.

- I can't believe it.

- Qué?

- Uh, that our familia finally got the honor

of being a part of this tradition.

Muchisimas gracias, Tía Esperanza.

[people cheering] Huh?

- Oh!

[laughter]

- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- ♪ The sight of thee ♪

♪ At Christmastime ♪

♪ Doth make me sing a joyful rhyme ♪

♪ Oh, Christmas tree ♪

♪ Oh, Christmas tree, how lovely are thy branches ♪

- Gets me every time, Lou.

- Such a charming pastiche.

- Very nice. - Is anybody else crying?

- Hear, hear. - Oh, Pop, aww.

Dad, thank you

for making Tommy's first Hanukkah so special.

- [speaking Hebrew]

- Hey, come on, buddy.

- [speaking Hebrew]

These candles will burn not just to remember

the light in the temple,

but to remind us of what we don't know.

They light our darkness, allow us to see things

we could not see before.

And, thanks to my grandson,

I have seen something old in a new light.

It reminds me that no matter what our religion,

no matter our color,

no matter who we choose to be our partners,

the one common thread that we all share

is the need for love and respect.

So let's never let the light of love stop burning.

[bells ringing]

- Guys? Maybe Angelica was right.

- Tommy, I think you've had enough chocolate.

- She said the ABDs of holidays

is that alls you has to do

is be nice and good stuffs will happen.

Just like all of us being together right now!

- Wow, Tommy.

- Yep, way too much chocolate.

- Anybody wanna share the last donut?

- ♪ In beauty green will always grow ♪

♪ Through summer sun and winter snow ♪

♪ Oh, Christmas tree ♪

♪ Oh, Christmas tree, how lovely ♪

♪ Are thy branches ♪

♪ ♪

[upbeat theme music]

♪ ♪