Original subtitles

[lively music]

- Ah!

- Ohh.

* *

* *

[train clattering]

- Okay. We're breaking every horror movie rule

by spending Halloween on some creepy train.

So spill your beans, Stuart, where are you taking us?

- I hope you brought your most inventive Halloween costumes

'cause we're going to Count Mucklehoney's

legendary Halloween Ball! [laughs]

- Oh, we've got the costumes. - Count Who's A-whatsie?

- Counts are still a thing?

- I was told there'd be leaf-peeping.

- Count Mucklehoney is the owner of the largest

toy and game company in the world,

and I'm gonna show him my latest prototype.

Behold: the Snot Rocket!

Your nose stuffed like a dirty diaper?

Say no more.

Suck your snot into the rocket and blast off!

[gurgling] - Stu!

Why don't you save the blasting off for Count Mucklehoney?

- I didn't know we were going to a ball, Daddy.

Do you think I'll be the fanciest

most amazing princess there?

- [laughs] Of course, pumpkin.

Everyone will bow before you as you light up the ball.

Oww! Okay.

Why don't you take this candy and share it with the babies?

And remember it's Tommy's first Halloween.

So make it special.

- [gasps] So it's really true that on Halloween

you put on funny clothes and people give you candy?

- I didn't believe it at first either, Tommy.

It's the best day ever.

- That's what I used to think too, Susie Carmichael.

Till I learned that on Halloween,

monsters come out from their hiding places

and try to bite babies and turn them into monsters.

[all gasp]

- Oh, I knew Halloween was too good to be true.

- So what do we do, Angelica?

- Well, I would give all your treats for safekeeping

to somebody who can't get bit.

Someone older. Someone like...

me.

[laughs]

- And the horror begins.

- Let's try this. Uh!

- Welcome to Count Mucklehoney Manor.

[thunder booms] - Huh?

- The name's Laszlo, and this is Rosemary.

- Lovely to me you.

- Eh. - Oh.

[spooky old timey music playing]

* *

- Is there a word for something scarier than scary?

- Halloween.

- Welcome to my wonderful home.

I am your host, Count Mucklehoney.

- Hello.

It's an honor to meet you, your Countness, sir.

- Why are you talking to my painting?

* *

[gasping] [laughs]

What charming children.

When snack time comes,

Frau Klump is going to eat them up.

- Uh, who or what is a Frau Klump?

- I am.

* *

[growling] [growls]

- I'm a little uncomfortable leaving Tommy with Frau Klump

for snack time,

or really any time-- no offense.

- You think you can offend me? [laughs]

- Of course, we'll leave our kids with her.

And what a place to celebrate Halloween, right guys?

[owl hooting] - No signal.

Drew, let's head back to the train

while we're still alive.

- Sorry, love. That was the last train.

- I don't know what's more unsettling.

The talking hand or the bad British accent.

- Lazlo will carry your luggage

to your rooms so we can get this ball started.

* *

- Why'd the growed ups leave us with that scary lady?

- Don't worry, Chuckie. They'll be back.

Right, Angelica?

Uh, Angelica?

- Ooh! [laughter]

- Fairies!

- Do I have to teach you, dumb babies, everything?

You can't even tell the difference

between fairies and fryerflies.

Those are bugs whose butts light up.

- I'd give anything for a light-up butt.

- Then go sit on a lamp, why don't ya?

But first, help me catch some fryerflies

so I can put them on my costume

and light up the Halloween ball.

* *

[gasping]

- Children do not belong on the moors.

There are bad things out there.

Very bad scary things.

- Thanks for the heads up, Fran Lump,

but we got things to do.

Let's move, babies.

- [laughs]

- Angelica, what'd that witch lady

say to you back there?

- Blah, blah, bad things. Blah, blah, scary stuff.

Who cares?

- I cares. What if the bad things

are the monsters that wanna bite us?

- If we see any monsters,

Angelica can give them all our candy.

- [munching]

Yeah. What baldy said.

Now, let's go catch me some fryerflies,

but don't squish 'em.

- [laughing]

Oh!

[howling]

- Ahh, ahh!

- Uh, why is Spike doing that? [dog snarling]

- He does this when he sees a stinky black-and-white kitty.

- That's not Spike's stinky kitty growl.

I think that's his monster growl.

- Angelica. Do you have the candy to--

- Every baby for themselves!

[shrieking]

[all screaming]

Hey, calm down. It's me.

- Uh, that's not a monster bite, right?

- Don't be ridiculous, it was just some dumb dog.

Now let's get out of here before it comes back.

[howling]

- Correct me if I'm wrong, but was that a wolf?

At the door?

* *

- [sniffs] Ugh!

This stuff smells like rotten fish soaked in sulfur.

- Yuck. I've changed some pretty stinky diapers

in my time, but this stuff?

This is liquid evil. [sniffs]

- Close.

It's liquid eel brains.

Mixed with a bit of high-fructose corn syrup

for added viscosity.

- Drink up, lovelies.

- So, Count Mucklehoney--

[retching]

When are the other guests arriving?

- There are no other guests, Mr. Pickles.

I was just dying to meet you and hear your big toy spiel.

- Perfect. 'Cause I have the best big toy idea.

You'll see-- [thunder booms]

- The children have returned!

- Ah, it's time for the ball to begin.

Lazlo, Frau Klump, take our guests to their rooms

so they can change into their costumes.

* *

- All right, everybody ready?

We're the coolest inventions ever.

Not including the Snot Rocket.

- I'm Chowdah-Face. You know,

Chowder-Face from "The Maine Lobster Claw Massacre"?

Yep, even got my lobster goons.

- The sun never sets in space.

- These were a good idea when I forced Jonathan to make them,

but I see now they are a bit unsettling.

- She's calling in for backup costumes

as soon as we find a phone.

- Tada!

Banana and mustard on the scene.

- Was there a mix-up at the food costume warehouse?

- No, Drew. This was a conscious choice

because bananas are nature's hot dog.

- Look at me! [thunder booms]

- The county is ready for you.

He will meet you in the banquet hall

while your children will follow me

to our own little party.

- I understand you are needing a telephone.

- Kindly follow us.

- The phone better not be his other hand.

- Mm-hm.

* *

- I like your costume, Tommy. What are you?

- I'm a monster hunter.

So if you see any monsters, I'll protect you.

- Quit looking at your own dumb baby costumes and hand

over those fryerflies

so I can make my fancy amazing princess dress

even more fancy and amazing.

Or it'll be bop with your heads.

Hey, where'd that Fran Lump go?

- Uh, you don't think the books ate her, do ya?

- No! She left us 'cause you wobble heads

were talking too much.

Now we'll never get to the ball. [grumbles]

My Halloween is ruined!

* *

- Uh, we didn't mean to ruin your night, Angelica.

If you want, we can still give you our fryerflies.

- Forget it! I wanted to go to a ball

and have people bow before me like a queen,

not get stuck with you puny peasants.

Now leave me alone! [howling]

- When the moon is full

and the wolfsbane blooms.

take cover in the night,

for the werewolf looms.

- Hey! What's the big idea?

That's my brand new princess dress.

[all gasp]

Uhh! Why's my arm all furry?

Ahh! And my teeth all pointy?

Whatever's happening to me better

stop right now

or I'll--I'll--

[howls]

- [growls]

Arr, arr, arr!

[growling]

[howls]

- Did Angelica just turn into a furry monster and then run off?

- That's no regular monster, Susie.

I once watcheded a movie with my grandpa

where a man gotted a boo-boo from a woof

and then when the moon was round,

he turneded into a werewoof.

- Come on, moon. You couldn't a' been square just this once?

- Poor Angelica.

- Yep, might as well eat her candy.

- I bet if we can heal her boo-boo, she'll turn back.

And I have just the thing to do that.

- Is that the one you usually carry for me

or is it an extra one?

'Cause I think I'm gonna need a few tonight.

[sniffing]

- Spike's got an idea. That's Angelica's dress.

He can sniff her out.

Now, let's go get us a werewoof.

- All of your costumes are simply delicious.

I mean, nature's hot dog. Yum!

- Thank you. Did you hear that, Drew?

Totally worth the inability to use my hands.

Drew. Where's Drew?

- He and Charlotte never came back.

- I always knew those two would be the first

to go in a horror movie.

- For your starter,

we have a rare treat-- tarantula cocktails. Enjoy.

[slurping] - [retches]

- Just the right amount of chewy and hairy.

- What do you think, Stu?

Dipping sauce? It's made from--

- Don't tell me. [slurps]

[gagging]

- Here comes the mouth sweats.

- Emergency bag packed. Chas!

Remember what we practiced. Breathe in.

- [sniffs] Another two down.

They're picking us off like teenage prom queens.

[sniffing]

- [sniffing] I smell her feet.

- It's getting close.

- Spikey's sniffer is going crazy.

Whoa! Wait up, Spike!

[barking]

- Oh. Maybe we should just let Spike save Angelica.

- He can't do it alone.

- Light the way, Junior Builder.

[all scream]

- It's okay, they're just toys. See?

- Hi, I'm Mr. Friend. Wanna play?

- I do not. - [laughs]

- [screams]

[barking]

- Hold on, Spike. We're coming!

- Light the way, [slowed down] Junior Builder.

all: Turn on the light!

[munching]

- [growling]

- No, Angelica, wait!

We have a way to turn you back into a human bean.

We just need to put this boo-boo blankie on your bite.

[all gasping]

[growling]

[gasps]

- All right, time to take matters into my own hooks.

- Don't look now, but I think the floor is moving.

- Spiders? What did we do to dessert this?

- Come on!

- [Spike whining]

- Let go! Let go for me!

- [grunting]

- H'yah, Spikey! [grunts]

- Whoa! Uh!

* *

That's it!

Let's go be with our mommies and daddies afore we get eated

by a woof or a zillion spiders

or creepy dolls who wanna be your friend.

- I'm with Chuckie!

I think Angelica wants to be a werewoof.

- That's what she's been howling in doggy-talk.

- "Dooon't save me."

- Whoa-oh-oh-oh!

- But Angelica can't be a monster

for the rest of her lifes.

I know this castle is scary,

but we can't let that happen.

So who's with me?

- I am. But Angelica owes us a lot of candy.

- So much candy.

- You can say that again.

- I'm in too, but only if I can cover my eyes most of the time.

[howling]

- Stu, I know you have your heart set on this,

but something's not right.

Our friends never came back.

Betty just disappeared.

We need to find them, get our babies, and leave.

- Our friends are dilly-dalliers.

They're probably just admiring that painting of the Count.

Right, Randy? - Gotta disagree here, Stu.

Time to eat gross food and run.

[thunder booms]

- Oh, not before a game.

As the owner of the largest toy and game company in the world,

I love to test them on my guests.

And I have the perfect one for tonight.

The game is called "Who's the Monster."

One of us will be a monster and the others will have

to find the monster before the time runs out.

And when time runs out,

the monster feeds.

[thunder booms]

- Okay, you were right.

I'll find some other billionaire to invest

in the Snot Rocket, but what do we do now?

- You two stall while I go find everyone.

Uh, that game sounds like a real brain tickler.

But I better go see if Lucy needs help with Chas.

- Of course! Lazlo, please, take him.

- Kindly follow us.

* *

- [laughs nervously]

- Angelica may be a werewoof,

but she's still Angelica and Angelica loves candy.

When she gets here, we'll sneak up on her

and put the sticky healer on her boo-boo.

- [howling]

[sniffing]

[munching]

[burps] - Ew!

[all sigh]

Uh, where'd Angelica go?

- Where did we go?

- I can't feel my nose.

- That's 'cause you're grabbin' my nose, Phil.

- Remind me to never eat candy again.

[clattering]

- Time is up.

I guess the monster gets to feed.

- Ahh!

- You're not eating anyone, you monster.

We're gonna find our friends and our kids and our dog,

and we are all leaving.

- Just do it, Stu. Blast off!

- Oh!

[video game music playing]

- You lose. Your doors are closed.

- I was so close!

- Come on! My hands are in a banana suit.

- Like taking candy from a baby.

- [gasps] You're all alive.

- We're better than alive.

This room Lazlo brought us to has the best Wi-Fi ever.

Jonathan, let me show you the mahogany paneling,

it's stunning.

- Sorry, but this room was too comfy to leave.

Look at all these pillows.

- This toy is to die for.

A snot-powered rocket? Disgustingly genius!

- That's my husband.

[crashing] [screaming]

- Bet you didn't expect this Final Girl

to come in and take you down, Count Muckle-slasher.

Now hook over my friends or--

- Oh, Betty. - Okay, I'm done.

- Huh. Maybe I do watch too many horror movies.

[sniffing]

- Looking for this?

- [growling]

- Come and get it!

- [roars]

[toy squeaks]

[growling] [grunting]

- Go, Spike. Go!

* *

[sputtering] Whoa! Whoa!

* *

Ahh!

[screams]

Angelica. It's me, Tommy.

We've known each other a long time.

I know you don't wanna be a monster.

So please, let me put this boo-boo blankie on the bite

so you turn back into a human bean.

- [growls]

- Bring in the claws!

- [growls]

[both grunting]

- Get away from him, you werewoof!

[growling]

- The fryerflies. Phil! Set 'em free.

- I'll miss you guys.

- Got it! - [growls]

- Wrong arm! - [howls]

I got it now!

- [growling]

[all cheering]

- Hey, who ripped my princess dress?

Ew, my hair smells like dog breath.

Why are you yucky babies hugging me?

Get off me right now!

[howling] [all gasp]

[munching]

- Bottom's up. [laughs] - Mm-mm-mm-mm.

- Ha! - [screams]

- Check this out. - Ahh! Watch!

- Whoa! - Aww!

Did my little monster hunter

fall asleep on the job? [doorbell dings]

all: Trick or treat!

- [laughs]

- Do you have any good candy?

Can I see the bowl?

[howling]

* *