Original subtitles

[drumroll] [cymbal crash]

[lively music]

[vacuum whirs]

- [laughs]

- [groaning]

- [laughing]

- Whoa!

♪ ♪

- Whoa!

[frog ribbiting]

[both laughing]

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

♪ ♪

[car horn honks]

- Mrowl!

- Ta-da!

[grunts]

- [giggles]

- Whoa! Whoa!

♪ ♪

[singer vocalizing]

[Tommy and Chuckie roaring]

- Oh, Cynthia, no one's ever had it worse than me.

It's raining, and I'm stuck inside

with these dumb babies, playing their dumb baby games.

- Here, Reptar! I made you a snack!

- [in gravelly voice] Mmm, good! What is it?

- Fresh fried spider legs.

- [groans]

- Ah, don't worry, Chuckie.

They're just pretend spider legs.

- I don't know how you two do it.

- Do what, Angelica?

- Stay friends.

You act like you're not a-scared of anything.

Not that I believe that, but Chuckie's

a-scared of his own shadow.

You're just so... what's the word?

Different?

Think about it.

You wear glasses, and Tommy doesn't.

Tommy wears a diaper, and you don't.

You have lotsa hairs, and Tommy's a baldy.

- I gots hairs!

Okay, not as many as Chuckie, but I have some.

- Real bestest friends are 'zactly alike.

Take me and Cynthia.

We're both super smart and dress flabulous

and have yellow hair.

- But you're a kid, and Cynthia's a doll!

- [gasps] Don't listen to him, Cynthia!

The point is, real best friends like all the same things

and do all the same things.

- Are bestest friends always the same?

[frog ribbits]

- Nah.

Sometimes one gots a bow.

- Well, sometimes me and Tommy do stuffs at the same time.

- That's another thing!

Tommy doesn't drink from Mr. Tippy Cup,

and you do.

- Well, he could if he wanted to.

- [grunting]

[quirky music]

[groans] Oops.

- Ha! I rest my cake.

Come on, Cynthia.

Let's go do bestest friend stuffs.

♪ ♪

- [gasps] Oh, no.

Is that...?

[tense music]

No!

- Did I leave incense burning again?

[Stu coughing]

- It's worse. I found a gray hair.

How?! Why?!

I'm only 33!

[moaning] - Well, welcome to aging, son.

Someday, you'll be glad to have any hair

that isn't growing out of your ears.

- Didi!

[sobbing]

Didi, I found a gray hair!

- Aw, you're going to look

so distinguished with gray hair.

Like a wise, noble wizard.

- No one wants to be a wizard!

I wanna be an ageless elf with long, flowing hair

and level six powers!

[knock at door] [sobbing] Why?

- Ah. Hi, Didi. Sorry I'm late.

I ended up really bonding with my rideshare driver,

and I think I'm invited to his wedding now.

[somber music]

Stu?

- He found a gray hair.

Best not to talk about it. - How could this happen to me?

- Aw, Stu.

Getting older isn't so bad.

You get to wear sandals with socks.

- Easy for you to say, Chas.

You're eight months and ten days younger than me.

Just a kid!

- We gotsta show Angelica that we're the same.

When I say "go," say your favoritest aminal.

Go! Doggy! - Bunny!

- I-I never knew you likeded bunnies

more than doggies.

- Well, yeah.

- Um, okay.

How about we say our favoritest food?

- Go. Nannas! - Carrots! Aw.

- Hey, let's say our

favoritest food at the same time.

- Okay! Go.

both: Fuzzy bologna!

- Well, I'd stay and offer comfort,

but I've got Chuckie on a strict schedule.

He's gotta be close to home for his next potty time.

Yep, we're due for a number two at 2:00.

Sorry, Tommy.

Gotta take your best friend away.

[both groaning]

♪ ♪

- [sighs]

- Grandpa, rain is boring. Make it stop!

- No can do, daffodil.

Rain is Mother Earth's way of taking a shower.

And between you and me, she was getting a little funky.

But you can join me. I'm gonna meditate.

- Fine! I'll medicate with you. [grunting]

- Now, close your eyes

and listen to these relaxing whale songs.

[discordant whale calls]

- Ugh. Grandpa!

These fish can't sing!

- You were totally wrong, Pop.

Day two of being old and gray

is just as bad as day one.

- Ah, guess I'll meditate in the kitchen.

Or make some eggs.

Come on, Angelica.

- Morning, Stu. How're you do--

- It's one gray hair!

- You know that'll spread, right?

- Oh, hey, Lucy.

Tommy found some clothes I was saving for him.

Guess he's experimenting. Coffee?

Stu threw away all the Earl Grey tea

because it has "gray" in the name.

- Tommy?

Something's different 'bout you.

'Cause I'm trying to be more like someone else.

[jaunty music]

Now I'm just like Chuckie.

- [laughs]

Tommy, you can't just put on some clothes

and ditch your diaper and say you're like Chuckie.

- Why not, Angelica?

- 'Cause I bet you still can't drink

from Mr. Tippy Cup!

- Yeah, I can! Watch!

♪ ♪

Ooh!

[groaning]

See? I did it.

- [whines]

- Um, Angelica?

These glasses make you smell different.

[knock at door] - Now what?

- Stu, I can't explain it.

Chuckie wouldn't put on his clothes

or shoes or glasses.

Maybe he's afraid to move on to the next stage.

- I can relate.

- Hey, I brought something

to help you out with that gray hair.

- Well, you've had worse ideas.

- Uh, Chuckie?

How come you're wearing a diaper?

- 'Cause that's what Tommy does!

And he drinks from a bottle like this.

[grunting]

[gasps]

- Why are you trying to be like Tommy?

- So we can be bestest friends!

Where is Tommy, anyway?

I can't see without my glasses.

Tommy?

- Chuckie?

[hopeful music]

♪ ♪

[both grunt]

- Newsflash:

you two can't even be alike when you try.

Forget bestest friends--

I don't think you can be friends at all.

- Maybe you're right, Angelica.

Everything came out wrong.

- 'Course I'm right.

- Tommy?

I guess this is goodbye.

- Uh, he's over here.

- Uh, goodbye, Chuckie.

I'll never forget all the fun times we had.

- You two sure about this?

- We tried to act alike, Susie.

What more can we do?

[grunting]

- Rash-free.

- Sweet.

- [groans] - There!

Oh, I found another one.

Got it! Nope. Here's one more.

- Are you kidding me?!

- Well, that took ten years off!

[Tommy and Chuckie sobbing]

Chuckie? Where you going?

- Oh, don't cry, champ.

Chuckie'll be back soon.

Uh-oh. Where's your diaper?

Code yellow!

- Well, just goes to show ya,

you can take the baby out of the diaper--

but ya shouldn't.

[solemn music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs] - [sighs]

- Roar. Roar!

Roar. - Chuckie! Is that you?

- Tommy! I haven't seen you in forevers.

How you been?

- Okay.

Uh, 'bout the same as when I sawed you this morning.

- Oh, me too. Ah.

I guess I better go back to playing by myself.

Bye.

[Spike barking] Whoa!

- What's that?

You know, Chuckie, I been thinking.

We like lots of the same things.

We both like digging for treasure

and pudding and "Reptar in Space."

- Don't forget ladybugs

and bouncing on the couch

and the moon.

Aw.

I guess it's not enough

to make us bestest friends forever.

- But we are bestest friends, Chuckie!

So Angelica must be wrong

'bout what makes people the bestest friends.

- You think so, Tommy? - Yep!

Now let's open this treasure!

- Wha? Huh?

- [gasps] What's this stuffs?

[both laughing]

- Stu, you gotta see this!

The boys found our old time capsule.

- Oh, man!

I forgot all about burying that thing.

Hey! There's my digital pet ferret.

And it's still alive!

[sad chirping tune] No!

- Eh, it lived a good life.

What?! Your old hacky sack!

[lively music]

- Rainbow. Head stall.

Toilet stall. Jester!

Yes! I still got it!

- Yeah!

That's the Stu I know and applaud.

- Hey, let's play some Doorstop.

I call first game!

Oldest goes first, that's the rule.

- Only by eight months and ten days!

Come on!

- Chuckie, we're gonna be bestest friends

until we're as old as our daddies.

[heartwarming music]

♪ ♪

Ew, Cynthia!

Look at those gross, dirty babies.

You two preserve each other!

[singer vocalizing]

[exciting electronic music]

- Ooh. Wow!

Look at this place, Chuckie!

Can't, Tommy.

I gotta keep an eye on that robot

sitting on my daddy's head.

- Gentlemen, we've officially made it

to the 20th Annual "Final Eclipse" Convention.

A whole con celebrating

the best sci-fi movie ever made!

- It feels like just yesterday

that we saw "Final Eclipse" in the theater.

Remember that, Stu?

I got that sour ball stuck in my palate expander,

and we missed the ending. [laughs]

- Well, nothing's going wrong today, fellas,

'cause I, Captain Burton, will do everything to make sure

we accomplish our main objective:

to have our kids be the first humans

to see the teaser trailer for...

all: "Final Eclipse: The Next Galaxy"!

- We're going to the next galaxy!

Just like my hero, General Jade O'Neil,

the best space pilot ever!

And these are her team--

the roughest, toughest space cowboys

and cowgirls in the galaxy!

- Day passes to your left. Weekly passes to the right.

- Borfballs!

The most annoying things in the universe.

- All right, badges, please. - Avoid them.

At all costs. - Badges. Scan your badges.

- [laughing] - Ooh.

Ooh.

[wondrous music]

♪ ♪

- We're on a real live spaceship!

I wonder how we blast into space.

[electronic chirping]

- Oh! Oh! Whoa!

- This is General Jade O'Neil coming in.

Do you copy? - Yes!

We hear you loud and weird, General O'Neil.

- Glad to see you recruits

made it to the "Final Eclipse" convention.

It's gonna be out of this world--

and on Planet Utera.

Be wary, though.

I heard galaxy gossip

that Evil Lord Crater may be there.

If you see him, remember to use the Alpha.

- What's the Alpha, Susie?

- It's power inside every peoples and aliums.

You put your hands on the sides of your head,

and then bad guys crumble before your eyes.

- Does that really work?

- Of course, Chuckie!

[grunting and oohing]

[Chuckie groaning]

[Randy and Stu laughing]

- [cackles]

What do we have here?

A bunch of O'Neil's space cowboys

trying to leave Earth?

Not today!

Blast them outta the sky, henchmen!

- As you wish, Lord Crater!

[lasers whooshing]

- Looks like Lord Crater and his henchmen found us.

And also forgot that there are cowgirls

on this mission too.

Don't worry--my team'll hold them off.

Good luck, and remember:

the sun never sets in space!

[whooshing] - [laughs]

- [groans]

- Whoo! [laughs]

- [screaming]

[adults gasping]

- Chuckie, look!

We're on the alium planet! - Nope.

I'm not looking till I know

that scary Lord Crater guy isn't here.

- Come on, Chuckie, you gotta see this!

[exciting electronic music]

♪ ♪

- [inhales]

Nothing like Uterian air, boys. Feels good to be home.

- That's where they're showing the new movie trailer.

We should go there now so we can get the best seats.

- That alien just smiled at me. I think.

- I told you, Chuckie.

The only bad guy is Lord Crater,

but we 'scaped him.

- Please present your intergalactic

identification papers and tickets.

- That is not a problem, henchman.

Not a problem. Stu?

- Oh, man. All right. All right.

- That's one of Evil Lord Crater's stenchmen.

They're his smelly robot guards who are huge meanies!

- Hmm. - Wow.

They really are smelly.

- Nobody panic, but I may have lost the tickets.

Randy, do you have them?

- It's Captain Burton, you Borfball!

Let me handle this.

Listen here, hired henchman!

General O'Neil and I took down

your precious Lord Crater before,

and we can do it again.

Now, you let us in,

or I'm gonna flip your "off" switch.

- Whoa! I've dealt with a lot

of Captain Burton cosplayers,

but your performance is the best I have seen.

That being said... [clears throat]

[as henchman] I still can't let you in.

- Let me try, Captain Burton.

[in deep voice] You will let us in.

[ominous music]

- [as self] Um, did you just try to Alpha me?

- Uh, no.

- Can't you just let us in?

"Final Eclipse" was such an important movie to us,

and we wanna share that with our kids.

Are you really gonna turn them away?

- Um...

[as henchman] No tickets, no entry.

- Captain Burton does not fail his missions!

Come and get me, you toaster oven!

- [as self] You come back here!

Aw, man, I don't wanna run!

- Great!

We just made the stenchmen madder.

Hope it doesn't make them stinkier.

- Aw, I'm sure it's not that bad, Chuckie.

Our daddies don't look worried.

- How long are you gonna make us sit here?

- Just till we talk to our manager.

- When she gets back from her orthodontist appointment.

Water?

- Mm-mm-mm-mm.

- Yeah, we're just like General O'Neil

and her space pilots.

But look! They escaped.

We just hafta find Lord Crater, use the Alpha on him,

then we'll be the boss of the stenchmen,

and they'll have to let our daddies go!

- Guess we found him.

- Thanks for the sandwich.

Next time, use more mayo.

I mean, uh...

[as Lord Crater] I'll see you henchmen

at the screening!

Don't be late!

- Now's our chance to follow him!

- Or our chance to stay here and pretend we never saw that.

[mischievous music]

- There he is!

First, we gotta disguise ourselves

like General Jade O'Neil and her space pilots did.

- Come one, come all, to Mordor's Goods.

You wanna walk around without a costume all day?

I got your aliens, your Captain Burton,

your Jade O'Neil, your Borfballs!

- Ugh! Get outta the way! - Ew, Borfballs.

- Who cosplays as a Borfball?

- Lord Crater's across the bridge!

Let's get him!

[grunting]

[Tommy and Chuckie grunting]

- [groaning]

We're blocked in!

- We gotsta cross the bridge.

- Too wobbly. I can't. - [gasps]

You know what Jade O'Neil would say?

"We're in this together!"

- That's it! Chuckie, take my hand.

- I just have a tiny fear of plunging to my doom.

Ahh! - Gotcha!

- Huh. Oh, wow.

This is really working-- whoa!

- Whoa! Chuckie!

- Chuckie!

- Whoa! Help!

- You can do it, Borfballs!

- Pull up that Borfball!

- What show is this?

- Shoulda let my daddy tie my shoes.

Shoulda let my daddy tie my shoes.

- Okay, Susie.

Uh, pull him up on three.

One, five, three!

[all grunt]

[cheers and applause]

Lord Crater!

[suspenseful music]

[all gasp]

- Henchmen! Step aside.

- Roger that. - [chuckles]

Oh, I love being an evil lord.

Just crushing it!

- We can't give up now!

- But Susie, we're not cowboys or cowgirls

or cowbabies in space.

We're just bordinary babies.

- We may be bordinary babies, but we're not giving up!

Our daddies need us,

and I'm not stopping till they're free!

- But how, Tommy?

- I think I just found a way.

[apprehensive music]

[all grunting]

- Time to hit the space highway.

The sun never sets in space!

all: Whoa!

[exciting electronic music]

- Wahoo!

[laughing]

- Hey, those smaller than usual Borfballs

are taking that thing.

- The stenchmen saw us!

- Don't worry! I'm gonna lose them.

[vehicle whooshing]

[both yell]

- You yarked my booth, ya Borfballs!

[both laughing]

- Hang on tights, cowboys!

[Chuckie and Tommy yelling]

- Hey, hey, hey! N-no! Uh-uh! Uh-uh!

crowd: "Final Eclipse"! "Final Eclipse"!

- We're live in ten seconds.

- I am Lord Crater!

[as self] No, I gotta be eviler.

[as Lord Crater] I am Lord Crater!

[cackles]

Okay, I am ready.

- Ta-da.

- I am Lord Cra--

[brakes screech]

[crowd gasping]

Uh.

Okay, what do I do? Am I--what do I--

what am I supposed to do?

- Code Norg! Code Norg!

all: Huh?

- Some babies just drove a go-kart backstage.

[suspenseful music]

- Oh, no! - Babies!

- Where'd they go?

[crowd murmuring]

♪ ♪

- Go with it!

- The Alpha isn't working, Susie!

- Do it for our daddies!

For Earth!

For da uni-berse!

- No! Not the Alpha!

No!

No-oh-oh!

[all gasp] - Tommy!

- Susie! - Chuckie!

- No-oh-oh-oh!

[groaning]

[crowd chanting "Borfballs!"]

- Um, guys?

Mind blown.

Our kids saved the universe, and it's all on film!

- [gasps] My little General O'Neil

took down Lord Crater!

I have never been so proud!

[lively music]

♪ ♪

- Klasky Csupo.