Original subtitles

Are you sure you're ready?

Just stop trying to freak me out. It might work.

- I'm just saying this is very important. - I'm ready.

These are my friend friends. The only chat I have pinned on my phone.

I aspire to be pinned.

- Baby, I'll pin you anytime. - I know you will.

- Hello, sluts. - Hi.

- This is Noah. - Hi.

- Hey. - Aw. You're gonna do great.

- Hi. I'm Ryann. - Nice to meet you.

- Have a phone charger I could borrow? - Uh, I don't, but give me it.

- Noah. Nice to meet you. - Charles.

- One second. - What are you...

Okay, he's hot.

- Absolutely. - Ten out of ten.

- Ten out of ten. - Okay.

They're charging it at the bar.

Did you just... ask someone for something that you want, and they gave it to you?

Just one, two, three, yeah.

I have one of those resting faces where people don't like to help me.

That's not true. You got me to help you.

Noah, can you stop being so damn smooth?

Uh, so catch us up. What are we talking about?

- Uh... - Uh...

- Uh, it's fine. - Yeah.

We don't like talking shit in front of strangers.

A wise woman once told me, "Whoever you hate, I hate." So tell me who to hate.

- It's Amanda. - We hate her.

I don't like her already. What's her deal? Narcissist?

- Yes. - Yes.

Too clingy?

- Yes. - Yes.

Won't shut up about the microbiome?

- Yes! - Oh my God.

- All of the above. - Oh my God!

Unfathomable.

- You're good. - Well, dish.

- After some mimosas. - What did she...

Oh yeah.

Have a sip of mine. Have a sip of mine. I don't believe in germs.

So how did I do?

Don't look.

I think they like you more than they like me.

Yes!

I know I played it very cool,

but deep down, I, in fact, was a little bit nervous.

My friends are gonna feel the same about you when you meet 'em on Saturday.

Whoa, whoa! I'm meeting them this Saturday?

Yeah, at my basketball game.

I thought that was just a pick-up game with randos.

What? No, no, no. I'm in an actual league.

It's very legit.

Joanne, we pay for a ref who's called multiple D2 college games.

- Oh wow! - Yeah.

- Uh, D2? - Yep.

I didn't... No, sorry. I can't pretend to know what you're talking about.

I tried. It felt false.

Okay. All you really need to know is that my team is the Matzah Ballers.

- Theirs are the Huskies. - Sorry, your name is what?

You heard me. I came up with it. So good, right?

And while it's just a regular season game, it does have huge playoff implications.

Right. Yes! This is huge, and I'm excited.

Less so about the basketball, more so about meeting your friends.

Uh, two questions.

Will anyone there immediately hate me?

Just because you did have someone else cheering for you fairly recently.

It's just the guys.

Wives and family don't show up until the playoffs.

Okay, great.

Second question. Do you have jerseys that say "Matzah Ballers" on it?

Yes, I do.

- That is very dorky. - It's so cool. Yes.

Better than a pro basketball game.

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

♪ Some crazy-ass kids Gonna knock up on your door ♪

♪ So let 'em in, let 'em in, let 'em in ♪

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

♪ Some crazy-ass kids Gonna knock up on your door ♪

♪ So let 'em in, let 'em in, let 'em in ♪

♪ I feel like a million bucks ♪

♪ But my money Don't really feel like I do ♪

♪ And from the ground I build... ♪

♪ Sailing... ♪

Would the owner of the gray Toyota Camry please move your car?

You are blocking the school buses.

♪ Just a dream and the wind to carry me ♪

♪ And soon I will be free... ♪

- Hey! - Hi!

Isn't this great?

Yeah! Wow!

Oh good. Hey. Hey, guys. This is Joanne.

Joanne, the guys.

Hi. What's up, Sasha?

- Hey, you ready to be impressed? - I think I am.

Feel like this is one of the only areas where my height is an advantage.

Huh.

Tall people die earlier than everybody else,

so enjoy me while I last.

I will. I guess that means I'm gonna live forever.

- Hey, Noah, game time. Let's go. Let's go. - Okay.

- Watch me. - All right, guys, let's go.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ What's up, baby? ♪

Noah!

I'm open!

- ♪ Stepping out, purple Mercedes... ♪ - Ow!

♪ Fall in love, why don't you make me? ♪

Oh! Goal!

Defense! Defense!

Come on. Defense! Defense!

You suck, Huskies! Sorry. Don't be negative, you know?

Right! Right!

What? You swallow that whistle, ref?

Are you kidding me? That wasn't a foul. Where...

Whoo! All right!

Gotta lock that woman down, dude.

♪...without taking pictures, come on... ♪

Take it.

♪ Stepping out, purple Mercedes ♪

♪ Fall in love, why don't you make me? ♪

♪ You want a picture, just say please ♪

Whoo! All right, Noah!

That was good.

Oh my God, that was exhausting.

- Wow. - I know, right?

Wow. I didn't expect that to be nearly as thrilling as it was.

That is hurtful, but I get it.

Mm, and you know what?

I am shocked at how sexy this jersey is.

If I can avert my eyes from the words "Matzah Ballers,"

it can actually really turn me on.

- I want you to look at the balls. - No.

Hey, great game, gentlemen!

We are going to the playoffs.

- Yeah, we are! - Ow-oo!

- We're going for victory drinks. Wanna go? - Oh, yeah. I'm in.

Whiskey's on me. Invite everyone.

Nice.

Sorry that took me a minute.

The bartender kept asking if you guys played for the Lakers.

Thank you.

- Hope my guys are thirsty. No? - No, I'm good.

- You want one? - Thanks. Listen.

When you said to invite everyone,

uh, Max took it literally, and then they showed up, so...

- Oh. - Not quite as friendly territory.

That's okay. That's okay.

'Cause I crushed it at the game. Guys love me.

- They do. - And the WAGs are gonna love me too.

The WAGs?

Noah, wives and girlfriends of athletes, like Victoria Beckham.

- Oh! - And...

I guess that's the only one I know. But I was born to be a WAG.

- I can handle this. - Yeah, you can.

Let me, uh,

work my magic.

Hello, my fellow WAGs. Are we proud of our boys, or what?

Sorry, what are you saying?

You're Esther, right?

Um, our paths crossed briefly. You referred to me as "Whore Number One."

Oh, okay. Um, right. Was it Joanne, I wanna say?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, right, right.

You're the one Noah brought around way too early.

Yep. Well, I just stopped by to say hi and see if anyone... Want a whiskey?

We're good. We know where the bar is. We're good.

- I'm good. - Yeah, good.

- I'd take one. - I think we're good.

Except I don't want one. So, no.

- Okay. - We're good.

Do you come here a lot...

I just remembered I have to be somewhere.

Sasha, let's go!

Wait for us.

Oh, yeah. Okay. I wasn't having a good time anyway.

- No. - Let's go.

- Now. - You guys as well?

Yep.

- Nice to meet you. - Pick it up. Get your stuff.

But I wasn't...

- Yeah, don't give me attitude. - Okay, sure.

They all Rebecca's friends?

Yeah.

And now, they are absolutely texting each other about me,

probably about my thin eyebrows,

but maybe they found my other weaknesses too.

I have something insane to tell you. But also, what did you expect?

These women are friends with his ex.

Yes, I'm aware. Perfect Rebecca.

Did you know she got more perfect? Because she got a promotion at work.

What?

I've been keeping up with her LinkedIn. I had to create a profile first.

But it says my job is CEO of Fatigue Sisters Media.

Since you and I are always tired. That's cute, right?

Adorable. Okay, look.

Am I sold on you ending up with a rabbi?

Absolutely not, okay? But I don't want you to embarrass yourself.

Morgan, that's really sweet.

Okay, because I am eternally connected to you.

Right? So you need to, like, have a talk with Noah

and just come up with a plan to rectify this situation, okay?

You're right. You're right.

Look at you using the word "rectify." Good on you.

Are you ready to hear the insane thing I have to tell you?

Oh, yes.

Okay, so

this is very weird and, um, kind of confusing, but

I had a sex dream about the brother.

You had a sex dream about Sasha?

Yes! Yes, yes. It's gross, right?

I don't get it. I'm not even attracted to him.

You know, I'm just gonna hang up because I regret telling you that.

So, um, bye!

Bye.

We should talk about

how Esther and her friends blew me off tonight.

I know shouldn't care what people think,

at least that's what my therapist on TikTok tells me,

but some people think

you shouldn't believe everything you see on TikTok.

Noah!

Hey!

Sorry. I was just listening to my hype mix.

Visualizing my corner threes for the playoffs.

Okay, um...

Are the WAGs gonna be at the playoffs?

Yeah, the playoffs are huge.

Yes, huge. We've established that. Um...

I don't think I should go.

- Joanne. - Noah.

I know the women gave you a hard time, but my guy friends loved you.

You know how if I hate someone, you have to hate them too?

You hate them?

No. Not yet.

But if the wives hate me, the husbands ha...

Have to hate you too. Yeah, that's some tight logic.

If your friends hate me... then your family's gonna hate me.

And, eventually, everyone's gonna hate me.

But you know what? As a person who is universally liked,

I am not comfortable in this scenario one bit.

Really worried about this?

It's the absolute largest problem I've ever had in my life.

How are you not worried about it?

I mean, I like you a lot.

And I figure, eventually, they'll all like you too.

They have to get to know you.

Mm-hmm. See, that's a solution for someone who's patient.

I'm not a patient person.

I need to figure out how to get them to like me by tomorrow.

I mean, it would be great if Esther liked you.

- Yeah. - Uh...

Okay. I have an idea.

You do research for your podcast, right?

Yeah. A lot.

Well, Ashley does a lot, and then I listen to the highlights.

Okay. Here are the highlights.

- Okay. Talia loves to talk about herself. - How original.

She's getting married soon and only wants to talk about her wedding.

It is so hot in here. But not like a good hot, like Aruba.

It is so weird that you said that. I'm getting married in Aruba.

- No, you're not. - I am.

- You're kidding. - No.

That is the dream. Would you show me your dress?

Oh, yeah. Oh my God. It's striped.

Rachel. She recently started an inspirational line of, um, the, uh...

What do you call necklaces that are really tight on your neck?

Chokers? Oh God.

I'm so sorry. Is that a Rachel Weinstein choker?

Oh my God. Y-Yeah, yes!

Uh, I... I'm Rachel Weinstein.

- No. - Yes!

Leah is still breastfeeding and feels really judged about it,

so just be supportive.

Gosh, pumping is so hard, right?

Yeah.

How old's your baby?

He's five. But he loves it so much, and it comforts him...

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah, this is the best thing in the world for him.

You're obviously a very good mom.

And finally, Rebecca's best friend, Esther.

The way to her heart is by talking shit

about people, places, her husband.

Esther knows no bounds.

Hello, Esther.

- Nice to see you again. - Hi.

God. I have seen sixth grade teams that could beat these guys.

Sasha's the tallest one on the court and still can't make a shot.

That's the father of my child you're talking about.

Don't tell her or anyone, but I think this choker is giving me hives.

Like, I don't know what kind of synthetic material it's made out of, but...

I'm an investor in that company.

- Oh, that's cool. - Yeah.

Yeah, I really believe in it.

That's cool.

You ever noticed that,

like, people...

uh, and their... with their things, they, like...

Excuse me.

- I need to get some water real quick. - Sure.

People with their things, huh?

Hey, uh, this chick Esther has ice in her veins, and I need help.

Um, I'm gonna drop a pin.

Uh, can you come?

Also, you are not allowed to make fun of their jerseys

or how bad they are at basketball. I'm serious.

Yup, yup, yup!

Shot!

Oh. Hi, boys.

Nice costumes. Hmm.

Oh, as if one of them wasn't enough.

Oh.

- What's up? - Oh, hi.

- I didn't know you were a basketball fan. - I'm not. And this isn't helping.

- Why are you standing so close to me? - I'm not.

- Yes, you are. - Sasha!

Y-Yes, honey!

- Get your head out of your ass! - Sorry, hon.

- Hi. - Thank you, thank you.

Of course.

Did you sneak in multiple bottles of alcohol?

Uh, yeah. What will help me make friends with an angry woman

who hasn't had any fun in over a decade?

And the answer is booze, Joanne.

I get that. Did it occur to you it might make her angrier?

I'm willing to take that risk

'cause I can just leave and never see her again. So, yeah.

Okay. Wait, wait. Maybe we should just go.

What? No. No, no, no, no.

We are not gonna let some mean, random popular girls win, okay?

We are the mean, popular girls. We win. Hmm?

- God, I love you. - Yeah, I love you too. Come on.

Okay.

Ah.

What? Oh.

This is my sister, Morgan, you guys.

Hi.

So should we play a drinking game?

- Yes please. Basketball is so boring. - No, I don't think so.

Yep. Okay, me first.

Ooh, mama! That brings me back to high school.

Look at that. Your sister almost makes you seem normal.

Careful. That could be considered a compliment coming from you.

Well, tell anyone I said it, and I write another nasty review about your podcast.

Mm, every review is an engagement, so thank you.

Oh, fuck it. Fill me up, "Whore Number Two."

Oh. Yes.

Okay, so should we take a shot every time they make a basket?

Uh, I need to get drunk, so what if we took a shot every time they miss?

That is a better idea.

I love you.

♪ When we're winning... ♪

Let's go, Noah!

Come on!

Right off the bat.

♪ Never gonna keep me down... ♪

Kobe!

♪ Never gonna keep me down I get... ♪

- Hey! - Whoo!

Here we go.

Let's go, baby!

- Hoo! - Oh yes!

♪...again You're never gonna keep me down... ♪

♪...the night away... ♪

♪ Pissing the night away... ♪

This is so fun. When was the last time any of us played a drinking game?

- High school. - Last weekend.

I mean high school too. I meant to say high school.

Mm-hmm.

I think we should have dinner together. Like, the four of us. At Noah's.

Um...

Awesome. Awesome. Tell me when.

Oh, right now. Um...

Three!

That was close. That was close. That's me.

Focus, Sasha! We got 20 seconds left, and we're two points down!

♪...down, but I get up again... ♪

Sasha, what she said! What she said! Pass the ball!

Okay, Noah!

♪ Never gonna keep me down I get knocked down ♪

♪ But I get up again You're never gonna keep me down ♪

♪ I get knocked down, but I get up again ♪

♪ You're never gonna keep me down ♪

♪ get knocked down, but I get up again ♪

♪ You're never gonna keep me down ♪

♪ I get knocked down, but I get up again ♪

♪ You're never gonna keep me down... ♪

All right!

Did that go in?

No.

No?

Pump and dump, you know?

Hey, um, I gotta say, I know you feel weird about me or whatever,

but, um, I really enjoyed hanging out with you.

And I think you're very cool, so...

You don't have to say it back.

I wasn't gonna.

Go. Go, go.

Oh! My baby, you did it! Mmm!

You know we lost, right?

Yeah, but you were running around, throwing the ball.

You were making those squeaky noises with your sneakers. It was so sexy.

- I tried to tell you. I tried to tell you. - Yeah.

So how'd it go with the ladies? Did you break through with Esther?

- She almost smiled at me. - Really?

Mm-hmm. She was saying something mean when she almost smiled...

Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen her almost smile. Mazel tov.

- There he is. - Hey.

{an8}Do you wanna go eat spicy food?

{an8}I'm sweating already, so we should take advantage of it.

{an8}I'm actually gonna catch a ride with Rebecca.

{an8}We're gonna just grab a quick drink. She's already outside.

{an8}- Is that cool? - Okay.

{an8}Don't start drama.

{an8}Me? Wha...

You go have something spicy. On me. But you pay for it.

{an8}Okay.

{an8}- Bye. - Bye.

{an8}Oh, hey.

{an8}- Hey. - Hey.

{an8}Oh God. Something smells like tequila. Is that you?

{an8}Oh. Oh, it is.

{an8}Don't worry though. I'm not driving. I can just get a ride from Joanne, so...

{an8}Oh, she already took off with Noah.

{an8}What the fuck? She could have at least given me a ride.

{an8}See? I'm telling you. We're the loser siblings.

{an8}Think they'd forget you if you were the winner sibling?

{an8}Shut up. Stop with that.

{an8}Well, I'll give you a ride.

{an8}Why?

{an8}Because it's a nice thing to do, and you need one.

Okay, fine, sure.

Okay.

Okay.

So you know, we're gonna listen to my music,

and I've been in a Kris Kross phase, so, like, that's pretty fun.

They're underrated. They had one big hit.

I don't even know who Kris Kross is.

Bop, bop, bop. Hi, baby!

Hi.

Oh, sorry you had to wait.

They lost, and they were fucking slow doing it.

I didn't know she was gonna be here. Did you talk to her?

Like, what is she like?

Can I tell you something? She fucking sucks.

- Dude, she's not as pretty in person. - Uh-huh.

- Nobody likes her. - Right.

I knew it.

Yeah.

I hate that I miss him so much.

Let's go get a drink.

Yeah, please.

- So dumb. - It's pretty dumb.

Thank you though. Thank you for laughing.

Well, that was weird.

What's so weird about it though?

Have you never had a guy friend give you a ride home?

Uh, no.

- Do you even have any guy friends? - No.

No, not really.

Okay. That's kinda weird.

- What? - Yeah. It's weird.

- Like you have so many female friends? - Yeah.

Who?

Uh, well, I, uh...

- I had one, and then we got married. - Okay.

Okay, so your wife.

Yes, there were more,

but she said they couldn't come around anymore, so I guess...

Okay, so I guess, no, I don't have any female friends

beside the one who is now my wife.

Mm.

But we're friends, right?

Well, um...

Yeah. Yeah, no, we're friends.

Great. Well, thank you, friend, for the ride home.

You're welcome.

- Two stars. Bye. - Thank you.

That's gonna bring up my star rating to two.

- That game was sad. - Agree.

If that ball took one little bounce differently,

goes in, we would win.

You were talking about the ball. I was talking about the lack of snacks.

- Oh, the lack of snacks. Yes. - Yeah.

Of course. That too. I love snacks. Why don't I go downstairs?

I'll grab everything I have. I think I got pickles, chocolate, cheese.

I think I got a few berries.

What do you say? We'll eat 'em in bed while we watch the worst show we can find.

I really enjoy you as a human being, okay?

That's a yes.

Oh, hey, can I grab a sweatshirt?

As long as the jersey doesn't come off.

I got a bunch of weird stuff.

Uh, hope you like fusion.

You okay?

Yeah.