Original subtitles

♪

ANNOUNCER: [video] We're in the bottom of the 7th

and it's a tied game at 3 apiece.

Jonathan's at the plate, looking to break the deadlock.

Here's the pitch... Jonathan swings...

It's a deep drive to left field...

Going, going...

And it's gone!

-Hey, you. -Hey.

-I dissent.

-Um...

Wh...

-You don't find strong women sexy?

-Oh no, I do, but...

-Let me see that fiduciary booty.

-I don't know what that means.

-Women's bodily autonomy doesn't turn you on?

-No, it-- it does.

Women's rights are human rights.

-Yeah, women's rights are human rights.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

-Yeah? -Yeah, yeah, say it again.

-Fuck the... patriarchy.

-I'm gonna fuck the patriarchy.

You're the patriarchy and I am gonna fuck it.

-You fuck the patriarchy. -I'm fucking the patriarchy.

-Call me patriarchy.

-Okay, if you can just help me get this...

-I don't know where...

Where are you in here?

Can I go through the sleeve?

-Go in. -Oh!

-Oh! Okay.

Okay, the verdict is in! The verdict is in!

-Okay.

Yeah. Do you like this? Are you into this?

-Something, something's happening.

-Yeah? Okay. Is this, uh...

Wait, wait, uh... What?

No, wait. What is this?

-Well, I--

I just want to feel like someone

who can make a decision.

[gavel smacks lightly]

-Hit me again.

-Hmm. -Hot, yeah.

FERN: [gasps] Oh! My frill!

-I finally started going through your things.

-Hm, and this is what you're doing with it.

-Is this working for you? -Uh-huh.

-You know, RBG actually got that look from me.

-Uh, I'm sorry, RBG's iconic collar came...

from you?

-Uh, do you want me to go on top?

-Shh, shh, shh, you're good.

-I'm telling you, I wore it first.

-Well, she's dead now.

-She died?!

EMMY: So I guess we'll never know.

-I loved her. -I know.

Everyone did.

She was such an...

FERN & EMMY: Inspiration.

-Oh...

♪

♪

♪ Fuck! ♪

FERN: [gasps] Oh, my driving gloves!

No, you can't get rid of those.

They're leather and they're from Italy.

-You never wore them.

-Where was I gonna wear Italian driving gloves,

picking up carpool?

-Okay, I don't carpool and I'm not gonna wear them.

-Of course you're not gonna wear them.

They don't suit you .

I was 19.

[sighs] In Florence.

My boyfriend, he wanted me to spend the summer

with his family.

My mother did not want me to go, and I said,

"What, you think I need to go to Italy to have sex?

"I can do it right here too."

Turns out I did need to go to Italy.

-That's very gross.

-I knew it!

[angelic music]

-I didn't care where you did it.

But that family, they always thought

they were better than us.

Why, because they had money?

-They were better than us.

-Why, because they went to museums?

I'm sorry I didn't take you to museums.

I was busy putting food on the table.

FERN: Who said anything about museums?

-What is this dead animal?

-[gasps] Oh, my fur coat!

My dad gave it me for my 16th birthday.

It's ocelot.

PEARL: It's not ocelot! It's fox.

-We are not donating my ocelot coat, thank you!

-Why? -Because it's ocelot!

PEARL: It's fox!

Hey you, little chana punnam.

-Well, you can't wear fur anymore, anyway.

So, sorry.

-No, you can, if it's fabulous.

PEARL: Whatever happened to my big mixing bowl?

I had the whole Golden Harvest set.

-Yeah, it was a set. Emmy broke one.

-She was six! It was an accident.

-Mm-hm. -Wow!

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

-Oh, Mom, look,

there's the dress you wore to my wedding!

Oh, wait, you should have seen me, though.

I looked like a young Kathleen Turner.

PEARL: Every time with the Kathleen Turner story.

-It's true. Someone even asked for my autograph.

-I was-- -ALL: Fabulous.

-Try it on.

-I have so much to get through.

-Come on, try it on. Try it!

-Nah, she said she doesn't wanna try it.

Leave her be.

-What's she got going on in her life

that she can't take two seconds out to try on the dress?

-Come on, try it on! -Fine!

EMMY: It's not gonna fit.

-I don't know how you got into it.

[Fern and Pearl gasp]

PEARL: She looks gorgeous! It fits her perfectly!

-I could never wear it.

It was always too big on my hips.

But you fill it out!

Look at you. Turn! Spin!

Spin!

Ha-ha, oh!

Woo!

♪ You will hypnotize by the way that you move... ♪

♪ With a thousand stars sparkling on your shoes! ♪

I used to sneak out in my stilettos.

PEARL: You did what?!

-Yeah, they were my fuck-me pumps.

-Disgusting!

-♪ Boogie-oogie, boogie-woogie... ♪

♪ You were born at the disco ♪

♪ Plastic headphones in your ears ♪

♪ You were born in the music ♪

♪ Some things never get to be clear ♪

♪ Like this... ♪

FERN: Come on, Mom. PEARL: I don't dance!

♪ Like this... ♪

♪ Like this ♪

♪ Like this... ♪

♪ Like this ♪

♪ Like this... ♪

[music stops suddenly]

-Did the Rabbi really say I was a "woman of valour?"

-I'm sorry. We asked him not to.

-Who else was at the funeral?

-Uh, Tom and Linda and Aunt Bernice came.

-Of course she did. That bitch.

-Such a bitch.

-Bet she loved it.

-She couldn't wait for you to croak.

-Cried louder than anyone.

FERN: That's just like her.

-She told me to... look out for dimes.

-Dimes? -What kind of dimes?

-Like, if you see one on the ground,

it's a sign of love from someone who's passed,

like a spiritual thing.

-Why would I do that? Leave a dime.

-But there I am, at the cemetery,

and I notice a dime right by my feet.

-[sighs]

♪

♪

-So I'm dead and you stopped to pick up some spare change.

Then what happened?

-[sighs] Uh...

Jude and Cole and I are shovelling dirt on your casket,

and, God, do you remember Ashley Conigan?

-The tall one from high school? -Yes!

I haven't seen her since.

And I put down the shovel, turn around,

and there's Ashley shovelling dirt on your casket.

In heels, no less.

-Did you wear flats to my funeral?

Oh, Emmy!

-And I am looking at her and all I can think is...

"Hey, Ashley, stop burying my mother!"

Hey!

-Ashley! Stop burying my mother.

Stop burying my mother!

[yelling] Stop burying my mother!

-Sounds like it was nice of her to come.

Ah-ha, yes!

I found the bowls.

-Oh, let me see those.

-Oh my God, I love these. I need a mixing bowl.

-They were given to me by my mother

and there was a set until you broke one.

-Well, I don't think I did it on purpose.

-They're worthless now.

-It was an accident!

-How come you never gave me something to have?

Never, like, bequeathed anything to me?

-Sorry, what would you have liked me to "bequeath?"

-I don't know, something meaningful to you.

-It's just stuff.

-I know it's just stuff.

-Let her have the bowls.

-Would you like the bowls?

-The ones you just said are worthless? Great.

-Do you want the bowls or not?

-Um... who is this?

Who's... Wolf?

-Nobody.

-Ah, that boy! He made me so mad I could spit.

[pretending to spit]

-You were engaged?

-I told her not to, but would she listen?

-He's the one you went to Italy to have sex with!

FERN: That is none of your business.

-So what was the story?

FERN: There's no story.

-Clearly there is a story!

-Okay.

The story is that I loved him.

And he had a chateau.

And I spent the summer with his family.

In Florence.

PEARL: A chateau!

She spends one night in a nice room

and she thinks she's Princess Diana, your mother.

-Okay, at least I went to Florence.

-I've been to Florence.

-No, you haven't.

-I didn't want to go.

Yeah, well...

FERN: We were supposed to get married.

And his mother said that I wasn't good enough for him,

so he started to see someone else...

and... yeah.

I didn't even know that we'd broken up until I came back

and I read about his wedding announcement in the paper.

-So... he married her?

Well, then what happened?

-Then he died in a fiery plane crash

because no one does me a dirty.

So...

it's the anniversary of my death.

Are you going to light a candle for me?

-You asked us not to.

"Life is for the living" and all of that?

-What, now you're better than me because you're alive?

-Is that a tomato plant? -Yes.

-Do tomato plants grow indoors?

-If you love them enough.

-It's a good thing you're marrying him.

-The marketing specialist? -Mm-hm, yeah.

He loves you more. It's better that way.

It's just like your father.

-And you got divorced.

-Yeah, but not because of love, because he was boring

and insufferable.

Get married, have a baby. Be a mother.

-Did you like being a mother?

-Alright, my memorial candle. Let's go!

I haven't got all night.

-Um...

-"This smells like Taylor Swift"?

-Do you want me to light it or not?

♪

♪

How does it go again?

-How much money did I spend on Hebrew school?

Yitgadal--

-Yitgadal v'yitkadash sh'mei raba.

B'alma di v'ra chirutei v'yamlich malchutei,

b'chayeichon' uv'yomeichon uv'chayei d'chol beit Yisrael,

baagala uviz'man kariv, V'im'ru.

Amen.

♪ You'll just get there before me ♪

♪ I hope you believe ♪

♪ You're going where I'm going ♪

♪ I'll see you again ♪

♪ You'll just get there before me ♪