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EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS #029
"Everybody Hates Promises"
CLOSED CAPTIONED
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CHRIS ROCK:
When I was elected president
of Corleone,
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00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:06,574
my school was way ahead
of its time.
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00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:07,608
The rest of the country
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00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:10,378
didn't get a black president
until Clinton.
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00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:13,047
Like all presidents,
I had made campaign promises
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00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,648
that were going
to be hard to keep.
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00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:18,052
I promise you no more
rope-climbing in gym
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00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:21,355
unless your favorite sport
is climbing rope.
(applause and cheering)
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00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:25,726
I promise no more homework
on Saturday
11
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:28,629
unless you got to be
in school on Sunday.
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00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:32,566
I promise all our book reports
will be on books
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00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,635
that were made into movies.
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00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:37,271
I promise you rubber floors,
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00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:38,772
so that when the bully
knocks you down,
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00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,708
you'll bounce right back up.
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00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:44,712
We've got spring break,
we've got summer break.
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00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,847
What about a fall break
and a winter break?
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00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,250
I don't want to come to school
when it's hot,
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00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:52,553
so why would I want to come
to school when it's cold?
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00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,588
CROWD:
Chris, Chris, Chris,
Chris, Chris, Chris!
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00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:55,623
To win my office,
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00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:57,658
I told them everything
they wanted to hear.
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00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:58,726
There was only one problem.
25
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,361
They listened.
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00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,730
You promised
you'd take us to a Knicks game.
27
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,865
You promised
I'd get a new locker.
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00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,135
You promised I'd get a raise!
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00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:08,869
You promised I'd get a shave.
30
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,572
You promised we'd get
some real meat.
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00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,741
Usted me prometí
de enseñarme ingles.
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What are you going
to do about it?
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00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,778
I had no idea
what I was going to do.
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So I did what
all great leaders do.
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I'll get right on it.
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I promise.
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* Oh... make it funky now!
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Captioning sponsored by
CBS PARAMOUNT
NETWORK TELEVISION
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CHRIS:
My new promise
to keep my old promises
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00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,922
was seen as very unpromising.
41
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,357
Hey, Greg!
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00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:05,893
"Hey, Greg"? Did you
see the school paper?
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00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,928
We have a school paper?
44
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,831
Bush wasn't the first president
who didn't read the paper.
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00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:13,867
What did I lie about?
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Apparently you lied
about everything.
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00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:16,770
The last true thing I said was,
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00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,739
"My name is Chris and I'm
running for president."
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00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:20,941
I didn't mean any
of that stuff.
50
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,943
Caruso stole my speech.
He's no better than me.
51
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,612
Yeah, but he didn't win.
52
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,747
Now you're stuck with all
those campaign promises.
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00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:28,416
All presidents lie
to get elected.
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What do they do?
55
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,819
Distraction. They just force
the press to cover
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00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,454
other, more benign issues,
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00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,489
until the public loses
interest in the story.
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00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:38,459
Maybe we should ignore the
problem till it goes away.
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00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:41,329
I was thinking more like
setting the cafeteria on fire,
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00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,896
but we'll try it
your way first.
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00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:44,565
(knocking at door)
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I'll get it.
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00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:48,769
Oh, hi, Uncle Mike.
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00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:50,571
Hi.
While I was looking for help,
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00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:52,740
my Uncle Michael
was looking for a free meal.
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00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:53,974
Big man!
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00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:54,908
Hey, Uncle Mike.
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00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,944
Hey, I didn't know y'all
was having dinner.
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00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,979
Why would you?
It's only dinnertime.
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00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,981
My Uncle Michael
didn't have a job,
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00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,816
so he was always
free to stop by
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00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,785
and free to eat some free food.
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00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,854
I didn't know y'all
was having breakfast.
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00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:10,524
I didn't know
y'all was having lunch.
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00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:14,795
I didn't know y'all
was having pancakes.
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00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:16,897
We're in a pancake house.
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00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,832
My father and Michael
didn't get along
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00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:19,867
because whatever
my father said,
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00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,802
my uncle said the opposite.
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00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,871
I like the Ford.
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00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,906
I like the Chevy.
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00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,941
I want to go
see Picasso.
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00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:30,344
I want to go
see Matisse.
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00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:31,445
Mmm.
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00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,814
Tastes great.
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00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,849
Less filling.
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ROCHELLE:
Uh... Chris,
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00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:40,388
why don't you get
your uncle a plate?
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00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:43,257
Mama, can you teach me how
to double Dutch?
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00:03:43,291 --> 00:03:44,625
You don't know how
to double Dutch?
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00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,294
It's easy.
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00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:47,928
If it's so easy,
why don't you teach her?
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00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:48,796
That's a girl game.
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00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:51,265
How do you know to
double Dutch anyway?
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00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:52,833
I don't know. Just do.
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00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,635
So are you gonna teach me?
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00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:55,569
No.
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00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:56,570
Yeah.
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00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:57,705
MICHAEL:
So, Chris,
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00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:58,839
what's up with you?
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00:03:58,872 --> 00:03:59,840
Well, I was voted
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00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,842
eighth grade class president.
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00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:04,545
Uh-oh! Just like
Jesse Jackson.
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00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:05,813
Ronald Reagan is the president.
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00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,815
Jesse Jackson's just a resident.
106
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:11,018
You might like Reagan,
but he don't like you.
107
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,453
I like my nephew.
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00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:13,454
Black president.
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00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:16,657
Way to go, yo.
110
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:19,593
Uncle Michael had finished
dinner, but he wasn't finished.
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00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:20,961
That was good, 'Chelle.
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00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,963
Oh, thanks. How's Momma?
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00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:23,997
She threw me out.
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00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:25,333
Threw you out?!
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00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:26,500
Well, what happened?
116
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:29,303
You know how Momma always
give you half of something.
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00:04:29,337 --> 00:04:31,839
Well, there was a piece of
cake in the refrigerator.
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00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:32,840
So I ate the whole thing.
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00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:36,009
Next thing I know,
she just started tripping.
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00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:37,978
Talk about,
"You eat up everything.
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00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,448
You need to get a job
and buy your own cake."
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00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:41,515
You believe that?
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00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:44,051
Yes.
Momma been tripping
since Daddy died.
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00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:45,353
Well, where are you staying?
125
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:47,755
I was wondering if
I could stay here
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00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:48,889
with you a couple days.
127
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,958
Oh, I don't know, Michael.
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00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,660
I gotta ask Julius that.
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00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:53,861
Thank you, sis.
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00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:54,995
You know I love you.
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Translation:
"Where am I sleeping?"
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00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,433
"Will President be Impeached"?
133
00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:01,301
Who's talking about
you getting impeached?
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00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,840
Maybe it's about time
we start thinking
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00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,476
about that cafeteria fire.
136
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:18,719
My father was tired from work
and tired of Uncle Michael.
137
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:19,853
Where's Uncle Michael?
138
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,655
Oh, he's upstairs
asleep in my room.
139
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:24,925
Sounds like a night
at the Neverland Ranch.
140
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,594
You all right?
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00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:29,997
Mmm, yeah. I'm just
having some problems at school.
142
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,700
You're president. What kind
of problems could you have?
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00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:35,536
I made some campaign promises
that I can't deliver.
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00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:38,005
So now they want to impeach me.
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00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,039
That's what you get.
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00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,874
What?
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00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:43,811
How would you like it if I said
I was gonna do something for you
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00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:44,678
and didn't
do it?
149
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:48,081
Oh. Okay, so then
what should I do?
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00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:51,485
I don't know. I didn't promise
to tell you what to do,
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00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:53,153
but you got yourself
in this mess.
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00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,888
Whatever happens, happens,
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00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:56,590
but it's your responsibility.
154
00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,826
My father didn't believe
in making promises,
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00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:01,829
which was tough for him
because they were free.
156
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:05,165
Back at school, it was
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Truth.
157
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,067
Why did you write all
this stuff about me?
158
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,602
And who said
I was getting impeached?
159
00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:10,037
It doesn't say
you're getting impeached.
160
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,072
It's asking, "Will you
get impeached?"
161
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,007
Well, who asked
will I get impeached?
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00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:14,975
My sources.
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00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:15,943
What sources?
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00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:18,512
What would you think
if Chris got impeached?
165
00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:20,414
Is Chris going to be impeached?
166
00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:21,749
I think you're a fraud.
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00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:23,050
I think you were
lying then, and
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00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,418
I think you're lying now.
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00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:25,919
This is totally unfair
because you've got
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00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:27,087
a personal ax to grind.
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00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,121
What ax?
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00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,156
Your boyfriend Ping is running
173
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,424
with Caruso
and he lost.
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00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:31,559
You just want revenge.
175
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,093
Ping is not my boyfriend.
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00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:33,894
He's not?
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00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:34,795
No.
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00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,129
Say, what are you
doing after school?
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00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,030
Greg.
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00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:37,931
Sorry.
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00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:40,033
I'm gonna continue
to pursue the truth
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00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,069
wherever it leads me.
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00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:43,671
Now get out of my office.
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00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:44,672
Fine.
Fine
185
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:47,107
That was fair and balanced.
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00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,209
While Lisa was
in pursuit of the truth,
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00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,612
Uncle Michael was in pursuit
of a snooze.
188
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:54,047
(snoring)
189
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,691
I got my first lesson in ethics
190
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,926
and Tonya was getting hers
in double Dutch.
191
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,531
Drew, I'm ready for you to
teach me how to double Dutch.
192
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:12,032
Double Dutch is hard.
193
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,767
I mean, you can't just
jump right into it.
194
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,569
How come?
195
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:17,571
'Cause double Dutch
is a serious sport.
196
00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:19,172
What do you think this is,
single Dutch?
197
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:21,141
No.
Okay, then.
198
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,876
You can start by stretching.
199
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,077
Can you touch
your toes?
200
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:31,084
How many times?
201
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:34,054
I'll let you know.
202
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:35,489
Just keep stretching.
203
00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:38,258
And after this,
we'll do knee bends.
204
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:42,229
Tonya got stretched, and so
did my father's patience.
205
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,097
Why is your brother
sleeping on my couch?
206
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:47,100
Him and Momma got
into a little fight.
207
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,569
It'll just be for a few days.
208
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:49,637
You couldn't ask me?
209
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:50,871
I was going to.
210
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,940
I don't want my kids
waking up in the morning
211
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,108
getting used to seeing a grown
man sleeping on the couch.
212
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:58,245
Don't worry, Julius,
he'll be gone soon.
213
00:07:58,278 --> 00:07:59,246
How soon?
214
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:03,050
Julius, he's family, okay?
215
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,117
Just be patient.
216
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,152
Big man!
217
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,120
(Michael sighs)
218
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,557
That couch is kinda rough.
219
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:12,192
'Chelle, did you make
anything to eat?
220
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:13,861
I'm hungry.
221
00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:15,262
Better make that food to go.
222
00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:18,632
Michael, didn't you
eat last night?
223
00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:20,934
Yeah.
It's afternoon now.
224
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:24,638
86... 87... 88...
225
00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:25,739
89...
What you doing?
226
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:27,007
Jumping jacks.
227
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:27,708
Why?
228
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,109
Because Drew's gonna teach me
229
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,243
how to double Dutch.
230
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,079
By doing jumping jacks?
231
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,314
He says it's gonna
build up my endurance.
232
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,817
Drew!
233
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,552
Come in the house,
it's time to eat.
234
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,754
Come on.
235
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:46,226
Hey, Tonya. Tomorrow,
we'll work on your footwork.
236
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,195
I thought you said
we were gonna work
237
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,129
on hand-eye coordination.
238
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,798
That's the day after tomorrow.
239
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:51,999
Come on.
240
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,967
While Drew
gave Tonya the runaround,
241
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:56,203
Uncle Michael just ate
and sat around.
242
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:58,138
Mmm. This is good.
243
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:00,207
So, how you doing,
Mr. President?
244
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,208
Not so good.
245
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,677
Why, baby? What's wrong?
246
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:04,812
Well, being class president
247
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:07,080
is a little bit harder
than I thought.
248
00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:09,182
You gotta pay the cost
to be the boss.
249
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,317
Ha-ha! I know that's right.
250
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,952
Y'all listen to your uncle.
251
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,587
She didn't say that
when he told us
252
00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:15,255
to invest our money
in parachute pants.
253
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:16,256
TONYA:
Hey, Daddy.
254
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,257
Hey.
255
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,159
Big man! Sit down
256
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:21,194
and have some
of this chicken.
257
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,330
Mmm. It's good...
258
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:26,133
That look means, "You're lucky
I don't have heat vision."
259
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,969
Baby, why don't you
come over here and sit down?
260
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,738
I-I'll get you
a dinner plate.
261
00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:38,646
So, uh, you been out
all day looking for work?
262
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,113
No, I've been here all day.
263
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:41,348
Why is that?
264
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:42,716
It's cold out there,
265
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:43,984
but it's warm in here.
266
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,686
Um...
267
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,188
Michael, why don't you
run out to the store
268
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:49,623
and, uh, get us some Nestea?
269
00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:51,258
But The A Team
about to come on.
270
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,626
That's my program.
271
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,628
I love me
some Mr. T.
272
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:56,096
"I pity the fool."
273
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,698
That's my boy.
274
00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:58,666
Michael!
275
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,233
Go get the Nestea.
276
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:08,308
Here you go, baby.
277
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,377
Okay?
278
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:13,146
Now, is there anything else
I could get for you?
279
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,849
No. I just want
to sit in my chair.
280
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:18,351
That face means
there's nothing worse
281
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,888
than sitting on a hot chair
warmed by a lazy ass.
282
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:23,356
Mommy made you
really good spinach.
283
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:26,259
Mmm! Yummy.
Mm! Mm!
284
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:31,899
Michael, you talk
to Momma yet?
285
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:35,035
Nah. I'm giving her a chance
to calm down.
286
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,236
You got to leave.
287
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:38,005
If Julius finds you
here tomorrow,
288
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,107
I don't know
what he's going to do.
289
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,210
If I go home, I don't know
what Momma gonna do.
290
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,278
You got one more night.
291
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,147
Okay, 'Chelle.
292
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,249
Dang.
293
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:54,021
And stay out of Julius' chair.
294
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,457
(sighs)
295
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,893
Back at school,
I stopped making promises,
296
00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:01,729
and started making demands.
297
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:04,097
I'd like all book reports
to be on books
298
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:06,133
that were made into movies.
299
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,836
Are you high?
300
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,805
I'm asking, not judging.
301
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,173
No.
302
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,342
I'm just trying
to fulfill my campaign promises.
303
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:19,212
Just for curiosity's sake,
what else did you promise?
304
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:21,749
A TV in the library,
more field trips,
305
00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:24,117
instituting recess,
and no more detention.
306
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,353
Chris, how are you going
to know how to act
307
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:28,255
when you get stopped
by the police
308
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:29,723
if we don't give you detention?
309
00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:32,325
Let me explain something
to you, Chris.
310
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:35,228
The Office of Class President
is titular.
311
00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:36,296
What-u-lar?
312
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:37,297
Titular, Chris.
313
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:40,033
It means you don't have
any power, just a title.
314
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:42,435
The first thing
I should have done as President
315
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,337
was change the meaning
of "titular."
316
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:47,140
Well, you're saying that,
even though I'm Class President,
317
00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:49,176
I can't change anything
around here?
318
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,177
Exactly.
319
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,112
Well, if I don't have any power,
320
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,881
how can you let them impeach me?
321
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,983
I mean, come on,
I can't do anything.
322
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:58,351
Can I at least
get French fries at lunch?
323
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:01,221
I always thought you'd be more
the sweet potato type.
324
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:03,423
MRS. MILONE:
The point is, Chris,
325
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:04,457
the students run the
student government,
326
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,126
and they can do
what they want.
327
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:07,761
And I can't do anything.
328
00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:08,796
That's not true.
329
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,030
Maybe you can talk them into
330
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,064
letting you stay in office.
331
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:12,465
That's a good idea.
332
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,301
Give another one
of those speeches.
333
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,336
But if I can make
a suggestion,
334
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:21,474
maybe this time
you should try rhyming.
335
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,176
Maybe you should try Prozac.
336
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:25,045
Did you know
I didn't have any power?
337
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,947
What are you
talking about
you got no power?
338
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:28,115
You're the president.
339
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,951
I'm a figurehead,
like Mayor McCheese,
340
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:34,788
like Colonel Sanders,
like Dr. Detroit.
341
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:37,390
Dipaolo told a guy we were going
to put cherry Kool-Aid
342
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,826
in the water fountains.
343
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:40,093
Dipaolo?
344
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:42,095
Well, that was
another bad idea.
345
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:43,263
Tell me about it.
346
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:46,433
I thought being president
would help make us more popular
347
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:47,734
and help solve some problems.
348
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,170
All it did was cause
more problems and make
more people hate you.
349
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:52,172
Here he is!
Well, at least things
can't get worse... Hey!
350
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:55,275
Gotcha!
351
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,344
You think you can steal my stuff
and get away with it?
352
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:58,511
I didn't take this.
These kids ran by
353
00:12:58,545 --> 00:12:59,847
and they dropped it
on my table!
354
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,281
Good, tell it
to the police.
355
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:02,349
Greg, where you going?!
Come on.
356
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:04,952
While he's grabbing me,
three white kids grabbed
357
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:06,586
everything in
his cash register.
358
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,555
It wasn't me!
Shut up! Shut up!
359
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:16,864
"Heist By Class President Foiled
as Impeachment Looms"?
360
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,365
GREG:
This is outrageous!
361
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,467
How are you going
to call me a liar?
362
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,434
You're the liar.
I'm not guilty.
363
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,536
They found the real guys
five minutes later.
364
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,273
I had a deadline. School was out
in an hour and a half.
365
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,274
You couldn't wait 30 minutes
366
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,476
to find out whether your story
was true or not?
367
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:32,545
You're the class president,
this is the news.
368
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:33,513
We wouldn't have printed it
369
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:36,383
if you hadn't exhibited
a pattern of behavior.
370
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:37,918
What pattern?
371
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,552
Maybe I was guilty.
372
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:40,988
You're supposed
to be a journalist.
373
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:43,056
You can't in
good conscience
let this stand
374
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,357
without printing
a retraction.
375
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:45,625
He's gonna lose
his office.
376
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,461
I promise I'll print
a retraction.
377
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,933
What are you gonna do?
378
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:56,403
I don't know.
What can I do?
379
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:58,906
While I was hoping
Lisa kept her promise,
380
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,273
Tonya was showing some promise.
381
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,075
How much longer, Drew?
382
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:03,610
I'll tell you.
383
00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:06,013
And after this,
you'll do wind sprints.
384
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,614
Dang!
385
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:10,517
Tonya trained harder
than Rocky.
386
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:12,485
(TV playing)
387
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:17,024
My uncle hated to work so much,
he left a lazy stain.
388
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:18,191
Big man!
389
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,526
Is that my shirt?
390
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:22,629
I didn't even see that.
391
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:23,630
Popcorn?
392
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,634
Julius, let me explain.
393
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:30,003
I don't want to know,
I don't want to understand,
394
00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:31,438
I don't even want to hear it.
395
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:32,539
I just want him gone.
396
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,441
Well, he has no place to go.
397
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:35,642
I don't care.
398
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,444
Him and my mother had a fight.
399
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,246
He about
to have a fight with me.
400
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:41,548
What's he doing
with my shirt on?
401
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:44,184
Well, he spilled chocolate sauce
on his.
402
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,186
My chocolate sauce?
Well...
403
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,955
Now he's spilling my food,
he's wearing my shirt,
404
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:49,923
sitting on my couch,
eating my popcorn,
405
00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:52,259
watching my television,
burning my electricity.
406
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,127
Julius, he's my brother.
407
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:59,599
Okay. How much longer
do I have to deal with this?
408
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,234
Not much longer.
409
00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:04,571
Baby, because you're so
understanding about this,
410
00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:09,642
I am going to make your favorite
cheese grits for breakfast.
411
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:10,510
Cheese grits?
412
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:11,578
Uh-huh.
413
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,546
I love them cheese grits.
414
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:14,614
I know you do.
415
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:17,985
Baby, I promise you
he'll be gone by tomorrow, okay?
416
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:21,054
My dad had heard that before;
I think it was yesterday.
417
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,122
Extra cheese?
418
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,124
Extra cheese,
sharp cheddar.
419
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,292
Sharp cheddar.
Sharp cheddar.
420
00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:28,328
MRS. MILONE:
Inasmuch as our own student
government
421
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,964
reflects the reality
of our actual government,
422
00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:33,633
malfeasance on the part
of our seated president
423
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:36,003
has brought us to this
impeachment hearing.
424
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,239
All right, Kingfish,
you got the floor.
425
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:42,342
Okay, over the past few days,
426
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,377
rumors have been circulated
about me.
427
00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:48,348
The press have put out stories
428
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,583
saying that I'm guilty
of a lot of things.
429
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,419
Are you done?
430
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,054
No.
431
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,655
I didn't do any of those things.
432
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:56,556
I'm not a crook.
433
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:59,226
Nevertheless...
434
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:01,194
After talking to Greg,
435
00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:03,563
I imagined what my father
would say to me.
436
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:04,731
So you're just gonna
quit, huh?
437
00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:08,135
All these people who made it
possible for you to become
438
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:11,771
the first black class president,
and now you're just gonna quit?
439
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,341
Yeah, and what if we quit?
440
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,576
Black people would never have
become pilots.
441
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:19,746
If I had quit, pancakes
would taste like crap!
442
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:22,315
If I had quit, Cream of Wheat
would have been called
443
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:23,750
Cream of White!
444
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:28,155
If I had quit, it would take
hours to cook rice.
445
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:31,491
Chris,
I know you don't think
446
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:32,659
being eight-grade class
president
447
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:37,264
is a big deal,
but one day it will be.
448
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,102
If people tell you enough times
that you're wrong,
449
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,137
sometimes you forget
that you're right.
450
00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:45,672
They could impeach me
if they wanted,
451
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,774
but I wasn't going
to stand there
452
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:50,377
and let them call me
a liar and a cheat.
453
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,345
The reason I'm here now
is because the newspaper
454
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:55,615
has put out stories saying
that I lied and I cheated.
455
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,284
And I promised you
456
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,519
that I would try to change
things around here.
457
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:03,223
Well, I tried,
and it didn't work.
458
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:06,126
Well, at least not yet.
459
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:09,262
I still want to be
your class president,
460
00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:12,632
it's just that I need another
chance to make things right.
461
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:15,135
Y'all believed in me before.
462
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,437
You can keep believing
in me now.
463
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,206
Fight the power, Chris.
464
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:20,773
Fight the power.
465
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:22,709
JOEY:
All right, all those
in favor
466
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:25,078
of impeaching Chris,
raise their hand and say "Aye."
467
00:17:25,112 --> 00:17:27,447
ALL:
Aye!
468
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:28,581
What?
469
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:30,783
All right, the ayes have it.
470
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,018
You're impeached.
471
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:36,489
I didn't even get a chance
to touch a fat white woman.
472
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,828
Hey, how come
you're not training?
473
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:43,730
Because Drew lied to me.
474
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,333
I did everything he asked.
475
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:49,102
I ran through tires,
I did wind sprints
476
00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,803
and I still
can't double Dutch.
477
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:52,439
Well, I'll help you.
478
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:53,406
You will?
479
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,073
Yeah.
480
00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:57,577
You already know how to do this.
481
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,747
Just count it out
and when I say "go," go.
482
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,316
Okay, ready... go.
483
00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:07,654
* Oh... cut footloose
484
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:10,790
* Oh, cut footloose
I'm doing it! I'm doing it!
485
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:11,824
Thanks, Drew.
486
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:14,794
What?
487
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,876
(sighs)
488
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:31,844
Big man!
489
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,214
I see why
these cheese grits
490
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:36,883
are your favorite.
491
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:39,186
Mm-mm.
492
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:45,358
Julius, come on, man!
493
00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:47,794
I said I'm sorry, man!
494
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:48,728
Julius!
495
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:50,430
What?
496
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,765
Can I at least get my clothes,
man?
497
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,501
You want your clothes?
498
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,870
I got your clothes.
I got your clothes.
499
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:00,607
That's for eating
my cheese grits.
500
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,908
(groaning)
501
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,776
Julius, this is
wrong, man.
502
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,778
I'm gonna tell 'Chelle
about this!
503
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:06,646
What you looking at?!
504
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:09,249
You ain't never been throwed out
before?
505
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:10,750
This is wrong, man!
506
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:12,018
Over some grits?!
507
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:14,887
My father eventually came
downstairs to return his sock,
508
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:15,822
but he shoved it somewhere
509
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,757
that Uncle Michael
couldn't reach it.
510
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,959
I need a ride, man!
511
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,229
Getting impeached taught me
a valuable lesson:
512
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:23,730
only make promises
you can keep.
513
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:25,732
From then on, I just promised
to eat pizza
514
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:26,866
and watch the Knicks game.
515
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,868
She promised
a retraction. Here it is.
516
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,505
Do you see this?
This is tinier than
517
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,374
the print in the Bazooka
Joe comic strip.
518
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:37,477
Well, we had a good run
and we made history.
519
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:38,711
Yeah, I know.
520
00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:40,913
I was the first class
president ever to
be impeached.
521
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:43,583
I wonder who's
going to replace you.
522
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,318
Probably Dipaolo.
523
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:47,654
Great, we're gonna have
an idiot for president.
524
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,890
Who knew Greg could see
into the future?
525
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,659
See you later.
526
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,364
Hey, check this out.
527
00:19:57,397 --> 00:20:00,967
There's cherry Kool-Aid coming
out of the water fountain.
528
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:06,739
* Everybody hates Chris.
529
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:13,880
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
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