Original subtitles

AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND NICKELODEON

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

[HORSE NEIGHS]

I HAVE SHOWN YOU THE HORRORS OF WAR!

THE DEVASTATION OF FAMINE.

PICTURES OF MY BIRTH.

BUT I DON'T THINK YOU COMPREHEND

WHAT AWAITS YOU IN ADULT LIFE.

TO BETTER PREPARE YOU

FOR THE INEVITABLE CHARACTER-BUILDING HORRORS

WE WILL NOW PLAY BLUDGEON BALL!

IT'S FUN!

SO, IT'S HUMAN AGAINST ALIEN.

IRONIC I SHOULD FACE MY ENEMY

IN THIS STUPID, BARBARIC GAME.

LET THIS BE OUR BATTLEFIELD.

IT'S THE SIZE OF A HIPPO, THAT HEAD.

[TWEET!]

All: WHOA!

HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE!

HMM.

EEE! AHH! OOH! AH!

AH-AH-AH-AH!

NO-O-O-O-O-O-O!

OOH! AH! EEE! OOH!

WHOA! LOOK AT HIS EYEBALL!

THE EYEBALL OF AN ALIEN INVADER!

LIES! LIES!

HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF...PINK EYE?!

IT IS A NORMAL HUMAN ILLNESS.

YEAH. PINKY HAS IT PRETTY BAD RIGHT NOW.

[GROANING]

YEAH. ZIM'S JUST SICK AND UGLY.

NO PINK EYE. GREEN SKIN. RED THINGS. OH!

OW! OOH! AH! EEE! OW! OOH! AH! EEE!

[LAUGHING]

YOUR SCREAMING WAS AMUSING FOR AWHILE, DIB,

BUT NOW YOU'RE JUST SCARY.

GO TO THE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE.

YES, I AM NORMAL.

SO NORMAL AND UGLY AM I!

HI, I'M MR. DWICKY, THE NEW COUNSELOR.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLD COUNSELOR?

SOMETHING...HORRIBLE.

HELP ME!

SO, YOU WANNA TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG?

NOTHING.

THIS FILE SUGGESTS OTHERWISE.

DOESN'T MATTER. NOBODY BELIEVES ME.

THE EARTH'S BEEN INVADED BY AN ALIEN. HE GOES TO THIS SCHOOL.

MY OWN PEOPLE HELP HIM BY BEING SO IGNORANT.

YOU CAN LAUGH NOW. I'M CRAZY AND FULL OF LIES.

ACTUALLY, I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN ALIENS,

BUT I NEVER FOUND ANY PROOF, SO I DID THE NEXT BEST THING.

I WORK WITH PUBLIC SCHOOL CHILDREN.

AND THEY'RE SCARY, TOO.

I'VE GOT PROOF. THIS IS AN ALIEN SPACESHIP I CAPTURED.

AND HERE'S ZIM'S ROBOT DOG TAKING OUT THE GARBAGE.

I TRY TO GO THROUGH ZIM'S TRASH ONCE A WEEK.

MOSTLY, I JUST FIND BURNT GERBILS AND WORN DOWN RUBBER PIGGIES, BUT--

SO THE DOG BRINGS OUT THE TRASH?

HOW CAN IT EVEN HOLD THINGS WITH THOSE NUBBY ARMS?

I KNOW! AND NO ONE ELSE THINKS IT'S WEIRD.

OR LIKE HOW ZIM DOESN'T HAVE EARS,

OR HOW HE DOESN'T THINK PONIES KNOW WHAT WE'RE THINKING.

WHOA! CALM DOWN. I BELIEVE YOU, DIB.

Y-Y-YOU BELIEVE ME?

WAIT A MINUTE. YOU ESCAPED FROM SOME EXPERIMENT

WHERE THEY HIT YOU IN THE HEAD WITH CAR DOORS, RIGHT?

HA HA. ALMOST. BUT NO.

I REALLY DO BELIEVE YOU.

I EVEN WANT TO HELP OUT.

A TEAM? REALLY? TWO BELIEVERS AGAINST THE WORLD?

AND ZIM?

IF YOU'RE SERIOUS, MEET ME AFTER SCHOOL'S OUT.

YOU GOT IT, PARTNER!

PARTNER!

DWICKY! YOU REALLY BELIEVE IN ALIENS?

NOT ANYMORE. ALL THE CHILDLIKE WONDER WAS RIPPED FROM MY HEART

THE DAY MY FOOT GOT STUCK IN AN ESCALATOR

AND ALIENS DIDN'T COME RESCUE ME.

NO. I'LL JUST HUMOR DIB TILL HE TELLS ME WHAT THE REAL PROBLEM IS.

AH! THAT'S PSYCHO- TECHNICAL TALK!

IT IS.

WE TEAMED UP JUST IN TIME FOR YOU TO HELP OUT WITH MY PLAN

TO GET ZIM TO CONFESS HIS ALIEN SELF TO THE WORLD.

HEY, THAT SOUNDS FUN! WHAT'S THAT?

A SCHEMATIC FOR AN ALIEN IDENTIFICATION TRANSMITTER.

I YANKED IT FROM ZIM'S COMPUTER. YOU CAN SEND MESSAGES

WITH ENCODED SIGNATURES FROM ALIEN RACES.

YOU KNOW, IF IT WORKS, WE CAN PRETEND WE'RE ALIENS

AND SEND ZIM A TRANSMISSION, SETTING HIM UP FOR A TRAP.

RIGHT! WE CAN CATCH HIM ON VIDEO WITHOUT HIS DISGUISE.

I WAS GOING TO USE IT TO CALL HIM NAMES IN ALIEN LANGUAGES,

BUT YOUR PLAN'S COOL, TOO.

NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY LATEST

AND MOST BRILLIANT PLAN FOR EARTH CONQUEST, GIR?

I GONNA EAT THAT FISH.

NO, GIR. THE FISH IS PART OF THE PLAN.

[RINGING]

IS IT YOU, IRKEN ZIM?

YES, I AM ZIM! WHO ARE YOU?

WE ARE DIGZUM AND COMMODORE SLOAT OF THE PLANET PLOOKISIA.

WE HAVE CRASH LANDED ON THIS HORRIFIC PLANET

AND YOU HAVE SOME MATERIALS WE COULD USE FOR REPAIRS, YOU KNOW?

GIVE ME ONE REASON WHY I SHOULD HELP YOU.

A TRADE. IN RETURN FOR YOUR HELP WE WILL GIVE YOU SOME SUPER WEAPONS.

WE WOULD BE MOST GRATEFUL...YOU JERK.

HEH, I COULD ALWAYS USE MORE SUPERWEAPONS.

YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW THIS, BUT I'M, UH,

SORTA GONNA WIPE OUT ALL THE LIFE OF THIS PLANET.

GREAT! WE'LL MEET YOU IN THE WOODS IN ONE HOUR.

AND DON'T WEAR A DISGUISE.

JUST SO WE KNOW YOU'RE NOT A HUMAN.

THE WOODS, HUH?

VAGUE, BUT OK.

BUT THOSE WEAPONS BETTER BE SUPER.

OH, THEY'LL BE SUPER. THEY'LL BE SO SUPER

YOU'LL RUE THE DAY YOU EVER MESSED WITH PLANET EARTH.

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

HE SEEMED LIKE A HAPPY GUY.

THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT!

TODAY WE EXPOSE ZIM FOR THE EVIL BEAST THAT HE IS!

OK, I DON'T THINK ZIM'S SHOWING UP, DIB.

MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU TWO STOPPED PLAYING

AND TOLD ME THE REAL REASON YOU'RE SO FRUSTRATED.

PLAYING? THIS ISN'T PLAYING, THIS IS--

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME!

YOU...

I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT!

LOOK, I KNOW YOU THINK I LIED, AND I-I DID,

BUT I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP--

ISN'T THIS JUST GREAT! WHILE YOU WASTE MY TIME,

EARTH GETS ONE STEP CLOSER TO BEING TAKEN OVER!

THAT'S MY PROBLEM RIGHT THERE.

MY PROBLEM IS THAT THE HUMAN RACE SEEMS TO WANT TO BE DESTROYED--

SAY, WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT THIS AT SCHOOL--

HE'S HERE!

WHO...WHAT....AN ALIEN?

A REAL...

A REAL ALIEN. YES.

GLAD TO SEE YOU'VE COME AROUND, MR. DWICKY!

HERE. RECORD.

ZIM! WE MEET AT LAST!

I JUST SAW YOU THREE HOURS AGO...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, STINK-MEAT?

YOU FELL FOR OUR TRICK, ZIM.

THERE ARE NO PLOOKISIANS COMING TO GIVE YOU WEAPONS!

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MR. DWICKY?

DWICKY, HUH?

TWO AGAINST THE ARMADA. I'M NOT WORRIED.

HI! LOOKA THIS!

DOODEEDOOO!

[SQUEAKING NOISES]

GIR! ENOUGH!

TWO WILL BECOME MILLIONS ONCE THE WORLD SEES THIS TAPE, ZIM.

WE'LL SWAT--HUH?

I DON'T SEE ANY OTHER PLOOKISIANS HERE.

BUT I COULDA SWORN...

[SQUEAKING]

HEY, WHO ARE YOU?

OH, HEY, HOWSIT GOIN'?

I'M MOOSHY AND THIS IS SPOOPTY.

WE'RE PLOOKISIANS.

WE HEARD A PLOOKISIAN SIGNAL AND WE CAME BACK TO CHECK IT OUT,

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE DO.

YEAH, BUT IT MUSTA BEEN A MIX-UP. SORRY FOR THE INTERRUPTION.

WAIT, I SENT THE SIGNAL!

I WAS USING IT TO LURE THIS ALIEN.

HEY, NONE OF OUR BUSINESS.

YOU'RE REALLY ALL ALIENS!?

HUH...AHHH... OF COURSE NOT.

GIMME THAT CAMERA.

WELL, TO US YOU'RE THE ALIENS.

[BOTH LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

THAT IS NEVER NOT FUNNY!

I KNOW! I KNOW!

SPOOPTY, YOU CRAZEH!

ENOUGH! WHERE ARE MY WEAPONS?!

WHAT WEAPONS?

THE SUPER WEAPONS YOU PROMISED ME!

GEEZ, ZIM, DON'T YOU GET IT?

THEY NEVER TALKED TO YOU. IT WAS ALL A TRICK.

WHERE ARE THEY?

I DUNNO WHAT YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT,

BUT IF IT'LL MAKE YOU HAPPY,

WE HAVE SOME SUPER WEAPONS LYING AROUND IF YOU WANT 'EM.

SPOOPTY, GET THE GUY THE SUPER WEAPONS.

YOU SURE ARE NICE, BOSS.

WELL, I DO WHAT I CAN.

A REAL SPACE SHIP!

SPACESHIP!

AND YOU FLY THROUGH THE STARS SEEING ALL THE UNIVERSE?

YEAH, WELL FLYING THROUGH THE STARS

WOULD BE PRETTY STUPID, MAN.

BUT, YEAH, WE FLY AROUND.

YOU WANNA COME ALONG?

WOW, DO I?

YAH!

HEY, THANK YOU!

DWICKY!

WHAT ABOUT OUR TEAM?

OOH.

SAD, LITTLE DIB.

NO MORE ALLY AND NO MORE PROOF!

HOW DID YOU KNOW TO COME HERE ANYWAY?

ZIM, YOU MORON!

I TOLD YOU I ARRANGED THIS MEETING!

UH-HUH. WELL, SEE YOU.

COME ON, GIR!

[GROANING]