Original subtitles

♪ SO RAISE THE SHIELDS AND HAVE YOU SOME JOY ♪

♪ 'CAUSE CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE ♪

[CHEERING]

THAT WAS GREAT, MR. SLUDGY.

NOW WILL YOU TELL US THE STORY

OF THE MOST HORRIBLE CHRISTMAS EVER?

HA HA HA HA, NO, LITTLE GIRL.

NO, I WON'T.

WAIT! YES, I WILL.

WELL, IT'S A LITTLE HAZY,

BUT IT ALL STARTED 2 MILLION YEARS AGO,

WITH A LITTLE GREEN NUCLEAR MOLE NAMED ZIM.

[CAROLERS SINGING]

NOW ZIM HATED HUMANS MORE THAN ANYTHING.

STINK! STINK! STINK! STINKING HUMANS!

BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT CHRISTMAS, NOW DID HE?

WATCH MY DOG EAT SNOW!

YOU! WATCH THE SNOW EATING!

ARGH! THE AMAZING SNOW EATING TRICK ISN'T WORKING!

THE FILTHY, HORRIBLE HUMANS AREN'T GIVING US ANY EARTHMONIES!

WE NEED EARTHMONIES TO APPEAR AS NORMAL EARTHPIGS!

AI-YA!

MINIMOOSE! HOW MUCH HAVE WE EARNED?

[SQUEAKING]

[SNIFFING]

TUNA?! TUNA IS WORTH NOTHING!

WHY DOES NO ONE GIVE MONIES TO ZIM?

THERE! THAT GRUBBY RED HUMAN!

HE'S TAKING ALL MY MONIES!

YAHHHHH!

YOU! STOP STEALING ALL THE--

HMM! HUH? OHH!

HE'S GOT REINFORCEMENTS!

THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! WHAT ARE THEY?!

ZAH! MMMPH.

[SCREAMING]

AND WHAT DO YOU WANT, LITTLE BOY OR GIRL?

Gir: I WANTS ME A BARREL OF FLOSS,

I WANTS ME TWO BALLS OF GLUE TO BE MY FRIENDS,

AND I WANTS TO GO DANCING NAKED,

AND I WANTS...

...AND A CHAIR MADE OF CHEESE

AND A TABLE MADE OF CHEESE AND A...

STOP! NO MORE!

GET THIS KID AWAY FROM ME!

MY LITTLE CHILD JUST LOVES YOU,

AND I JUST--NOW, GIR!

LET'S GO BEFORE ANYONE NOTICES!

[STRUGGLING SOUNDS]

ARGH! WHAT IS THAT?

OH, THAT'S MINIMOOSE, MY, UH...

OTHER SIDEKICK. YEAH.

YEP. BEEN WITH ME THE WHOLE TIME.

MMMM-MMMM!

NO CANDY FOR YOU, CHUB MONSTER,

UNTIL YOU TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT

THESE RED BEARDED MEN WHO SMELL OF HAM AND VOMIT!

OH, YOU MUST MEAN SANTA.

YOU ARE SANTA?

NO, NO. WE'RE JUST SANTA'S HELPERS.

AND YOU ALL REPORT TO THIS...SANTA?

WELL, NOBODY'S EVER SEEN THE REAL SANTA,

BUT THE WORLD OVER LOVES SANTA.

AND EVERYONE WAITS WITH HOPE IN THEIR HEARTS

FOR THE DAY WHEN HE RETURNS TO HIS PEOPLE.

EVERYONE? HMM.

COMPUTER, DRAIN THE HUMAN'S BRAIN OF ALL SANTA KNOWLEDGE!

"X-MAS"? HMM.

[EVIL LAUGHTER]

YOU STARE AT THAT DOG EVERY CHRISTMAS, GAZ.

COME ON, ALREADY. IT'S CREEPY.

THREE CHRISTMASES AGO,

THAT DOG ATE THE HEAD OFF BITEY THE VAMPIRE.

YOU SAID SO YOURSELF. I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN.

WELL, FIXING AN ALIEN SPACESHIP

IS HARD ENOUGH WITHOUT YOU DISTRACTING ME.

BESIDES, ANY MORON COULD FIX THIS SHIP FASTER THAN YOU.

WELL...CAN ANY MORON DO THIS?

[SCREAMING]

Dib: SORRY, EVERYONE!

AGAIN!

[ALARMS SOUND]

POWER IS RESTORED TO THE EARTH ONCE MORE.

IT'S A GOOD THING I EXIST.

OH, NO! SANTA!

YES, SANTA CLAUS HIMSELF HAS RETURNED TO HIS PEOPLE

AND JUST IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS. CHECK OUT THIS FOOTAGE.

[GIR GIGGLING MANIACALLY]

THE RESPONSE HAS BEEN OVERWHELMING.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S BACK!

MY HEART EXPLODES WITH JOY!

AND EVEN OUR PRESIDENT MAN HAS GIVEN UP HIS POWER,

MAKING ROOM FOR SANTA.

IT'S ALL YOURS, SANTA.

WE HAVE SANTA HIMSELF IN AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW.

SANTA, SPEAK TO US.

PEOPLE OF EARTH, I HAVE RETURNED.

TO RECLAIM MY RIGHTFUL PLACE AS RULER OF THIS WORLD.

ALL WILL OBEY SANTA IN THIS NEW WORLD ORDER.

OH, YEAH! REJOICE, BROTHERS.

HA HA. THAT SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF FUN.

I'VE NEVER TRUSTED THAT JOLLY FAT MAN.

OH, BOY! I ASKED SANTA TO BRING ME

12 CASES OF URANIUM-238! YAY!

NO! SANTA HAS LET ME DOWN!

I WILL TURN MY BACK ON HIM

AND DEVOTE A PORTION OF MY LIFE TO DESTROYING SANTA!

AAAAGH!

AAAAAGH!

JEEZ, DAD.

OH, YEAH! AND I COMMAND ALL YOU EARTHMONKEYS

TO GATHER AT THE JOLLY CHRISTMAS RALLIES

I'M HOLDING ALL OVER THE GLOBE

TO RECEIVE FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS.

EARTHMONKEYS? OH, NO!

Zim: OH YEAH!

WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME!

I ONLY HOPE THE SUIT CAN ABSORB ALL THE SANTA DATA.

THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY, GIR.

LOOK AT ALL THOSE...

[BAAING]

CHILDREN!

Announcer: PEOPLE OF EARTH,

I GIVE YOU SANTA CLAUS.

Choir chanting: SAN-TA! SAN-TA! SAN-TA! SAN-TA! SAN-TA! SAN-TA!

[CHOIR SINGING WORDS]

HO HO HO!

SANTA HAS RETURNED FOR

ALL THE GOOD LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS OF THE WORLD

TO ANNOUNCE A NEW CHRISTMAS TRADITION.

[OOHS AND AHHS]

IT'S THE YULETIDE HELPING OF SANTA TO BUILD

A GIANT TELEPORTER CAPABLE OF SENDING

ALL HUMANS TO THEIR DOOM! HA HA HA HA.

MY LABOR SLEIGHS WILL TAKE YOU TO THE NORTH POLE,

WHERE YOU WILL BUILD THE TELEPORTER!

WILL BEING TELEPORTED TO OUR DOOM

BE FUN AND CHRISTMASSY?

HO HO HO HO HO HO!

OF COURSE IT WILL, YOU HIDEOUS FOOL!

[CHEERING]

Crowd: HAIL SANTA! HAIL SANTA!

SANTA MASTER? THESE CUTE KIDS

WOULD LOVE TO SIT ON YOUR LAP

AND BEG FOR PRESENTS.

PWEASE, SANTA? PWEEEEEEASE?

GREAT GHOST OF DOOKIE!

EH, EH...OF COURSE, FILTHIES!

EH, COME TO SANTA.

YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY!

HO HO HO-- OW! OW! OW! EWW! EWW!

DROOL! GET OFF! WAIT!

WHAT'S HAPPENING?! WHAT IS THE SUIT DOING?!

HO HO HO, CHILDREN! I LOVE YOU! ALL OF YOU!

ELVES, WRAP UP EVERYTHING I HAVE

AND GIVE IT TO THESE GOOD PEOPLE HERE.

NO! GIVE THAT STUFF BACK! AND GET OFF OF SANTA!

NOW! GET OFF, GET OFF, GET OFF!

I DIDN'T TELL THE SUIT TO DO ANY OF THAT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, SANTA?

DIB!

HOW DO WE KNOW THIS IS THE REAL SANTA?

EH, OF COURSE I'M SANTA.

I HAVE ROBOT ELVES.

[OOHS AND AHHS]

ROBOT ELVES! JUST LIKE IN THE STORIES!

WHAT STORIES HAVE ROBOT ELVES?

EVERYONE, REMEMBER LAST CHRISTMAS

WHEN YOU THOUGHT THAT ESCAPED GORILLA WAS SANTA?

HE WASN'T?

[CRYING HYSTERICALLY]

[CROWD BOOING]

NOW, NOW, CHRISTMAS IS A TIME TO BE KIND

TO ALL THE BOYS AND GIRLS OF THE WORLD.

UNLESS THEIR HEADS ARE FILTHY WITH LIES!

TO THE JINGLE JAIL WITH THE NONBELIEVER!

NO! NO! AH! AH! NO!

YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS, ZIM!

I WON'T LET YOU RUIN CHRISTMAS!

HO HO HO HO HO HO HO!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, DIB. MEEEEERRRRRY CHRISTMAS!

HO HO HO HO HO!

HO HO HO HO HO!

HO HO HO HO HO HO HO!

WELL, THINGS LOOKED BAD FOR DIB.

ZIM HAD FOOLED THE WHOLE WORLD,

BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT CHRISTMAS, NOW DID HE?

I DON'T GET IT!

WHY DOES HE WANT TO TAKE OVER THE EARTH SO BADLY?

WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO GAIN? OR TO LOSE?

AND THE MECHANIZATIONS OF THIS MALFUNCTIONING SANTA SUIT COMPLETELY ELUDE ME.

AS I WAS SAYING,

THINGS LOOKED BAD FOR DIB.

ZIM WAS ALREADY PREPARING FOR HIS TRIP TO THE NORTH POLE WHEN...

HURRY IT UP!

ALL THIS HORRIBLE JOLLINESS IS GETTING TO ME!

YOU! STOP BEING JOLLY!

HMMM. SOMETHING HAS ZIM WORRIED.

IF I COULD JUST GET OUT OF THIS CELL, I--

HEY!

THESE ARE MADE OF REAL CANDY CANE.

IT'S FUNNY, ROBOT ELF,

I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE,

BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I CAN TALK TO RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW?

MM-HMM.

IT ALL SEEMED SO PERFECT.

IF THERE'S ONE THING HUMANS CAN'T RESIST,

IT'S A FAT MAN WITH PRESENTS,

SO I BECAME THAT FAT MAN.

THE HARDEST PART WAS MAKING THE SANTA SUIT.

I USED A VORTIAN LIQUID SUBSTANCE.

EVERY MOLECULE IS A TINY HARD DRIVE

I FILLED UP WITH ALL THE SANTA DATA I COULD FIND.

LOOK AT THAT, THAT'S MY FAVORITE PART THERE,

WHEN IT GETS ALL JIGGLY. JIGGLY!

AN INGENIOUS BRAIN INTERFACE ALLOWS ME TO COMMAND THE SUIT.

THUS I BECOME SANTA! BUT I THINK I'M LOSING CONTROL.

I PROGRAMMED IT TOO WELL, 'CAUSE I'M AMAZING,

AND NOW IT THINKS IT IS SANTA.

ANYTHING CHRISTMASSY MAKES IT GO CRAZY.

AND IT TAKES OVER, FILLING ME WITH HIDEOUS JOLLY FEELINGS!

I'D DESTROY IT, BUT I NEED TO PLAY SANTA

TILL I BEAM HUMANITY TO THE TALLEST AS SLAVES.

SLAVES?! THAT'S AWFUL!

ISN'T IT? BUT IF THIS SUIT TAKES OVER,

IT'LL RUIN EVERYTHING!

♪ WE WISH YOU A MERRY JINGLY ♪

♪ WE WISH YOU A MERRY JINGLY ♪

♪ WE WISH YOU...♪

NO GIR! NO! STOP SINGING! NO!

HO HO HO, LITTLE FELLOW. YOU'RE SO CUTE.

I AM!

HO HO HO! MORE CHRISTMAS POWER FOR SANTA.

DIB! ELVES! SEIZE HIM!

THIS TIME THROW HIM IN THE ACTUALLY STRONG JINGLE JAIL.

WHY DIDN'T YOU THROW ME IN THE STRONG ONE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

YOU CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND MY AMAZING BRAIN!

I HOPE YOU LIKE SNOW, DIB.

AHHHH!

[RINGING]

GAZ! I'M TRAPPED IN A FROZEN WASTELAND.

WHO ISN'T?

AND ZIM'S POSING AS SANTA AND HE'S GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

THAT'S GREAT, DIB. LOOK, I GOTTA GO.

OK, GAZ. I THINK IT'S TIME I TOLD YOU.

THE DOG'S INNOCENT.

I USED BITEY THE VAMPIRE FOR A TELEPORTER EXPERIMENT,

AND SWITCHED HIS HEAD ONTO A FLY'S BODY.

SO IF YOU WANT TO BEAT ME UP,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO RESCUE ME FIRST, BECAUSE--

GAZ? GET IN.

WOW! TAK'S SHIP! HOW DID YOU--

[DIB SCREAMING]

MM-HMM. A LITTLE THAT WAY.

NO, A LITTLE BACK.

GOOD. GOOOD.

GIR! THE TELEPORTER IS ALMOST BUILT, GIR.

THIS STABILIZER SHOULD KEEP THE SUIT FROM GOING CRAZY

AND RUINING THE CEREMONY.

♪ JINGLY BELLS, JINGLY BELLS, JINGLY ALL THE WAY ♪

NO! NOT THE JINGLY BELLS!

ENOUGH JOLLY! BACK TO WORK, ALL OF YOU!

CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE. THE MASSES ARE COMING.

I NEED THAT TELEPORTER!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I FINALLY FIXED IT!

I'M ACTUALLY FLYING IN MY OWN ALIEN SHIP!

YOU FIXED IT?

WELL, I FIXED MOST OF IT.

DAD, I NEED YOUR HELP.

LOOK, SON. I'M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF--

BUT IT'S SANTA. HE'S-- SANTA?!

HE'S EVIL AND HE WANTS TO ANNIHILATE ALL MANKIND.

I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME.

SON, I'M GIVING YOU FULL ACCESS TO

THE ANTI-SANTA ARSENAL I MADE WHEN I WAS A CHILD.

GOOD LUCK DESTROYING SANTA, AND MERRY CHRISTMAS.

[SQUEAKING]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HO HO HO HO. WELL SAID, MINIMOOSE.

PEOPLE OF EARTH, THE TELEPORTER IS READY,

SO GET INSIDE IT! HURRY UP!

BUT SANTA! IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.

AREN'T YOU GONNA SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS?

NO! NO MORE SINGING. TIME TO TELEPORT.

AND AREN'T YOU GONNA GIVE US ANY PRESENTS?

THERE'S PLENTY OF PRESENTS FOR YOU IN THE TELEPORTER. NOW GO!

WHEEE!

BUT MR. SANTA, BEFORE I GO TO MY DOOM,

CAN I HAVE A HUG?

HUG?

ARGH! CHILD! SO CUTE!

AND FESTIVE! MUST RESIST.

NO! HO HO HO...

OF COURSE YOU CAN HAVE A HUG, YOU CUTE LITTLE WOOGIE.

AND LET'S ALL SING MORE SONGS.

♪ I AM SANTA, I AM SANTA ♪

NO!

[MUFFLED SCREAMS]

HELP! IT'S ALL LOST!

THERE'S NO WAY I CAN GET OUT OF THIS SUIT NOW.

THE SANTA HAS WON.

♪ HO HO HO, HO HO HO, HO HO HO HO HO ♪

♪ HO HO HO, HO HO HO HO HO ♪

ZIM! YOUR CHRISTMAS TIME IS UP!

MALFUNCTION OVERLOAD. HO HO HO.

YOU'VE BEEN A BAD LITTLE BOY,

NOW SANTA IS GOING TO DESTROY YOU.

ROUGH HIM UP REAL GOOD, JOHNNY! YEAH!

[ROARING]

AH! AHHHHH!

THE SUIT IS WEAKENED! EXCELLENT!

NOW, DIB! THROW IT INTO SPACE!

I DID IT! CHRISTMAS IS SAVED!

HEY! THAT BOY THREW SANTA INTO THE COLD VOID OF SPACE!

CHRISTMAS IS RUINED FOREVER.

WAIT! WOULD THE REAL SANTA HAVE MUTATED INTO A HORRIBLE BLOB?

AND WOULD SANTA HAVE TELEPORTED YOU INTO SPACE?

YOU WERE SO DESPERATE FOR A REAL SANTA

THAT YOU BELIEVED A MONSTER IN A COSTUME!

THAT'S NOT CHRISTMAS.

GO HOME, FORGET ABOUT THIS,

AND SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FAMILIES...OR WHATEVER.

THE GIANT METAL BOY IS RIGHT.

WHAT FOOLS WE'VE BEEN!

WAIT! WILL YOU LISTEN TO THE EVIL ROBOT BOY

WHO DESTROYED SANTA?

OR WILL YOU LISTEN TO THE EASTER PLATYPUS?

EASTER SHRIMP FOR ALL

IF YOU TACKLE THE BOY WHO DESTROYED SANTA.

All: EASTER PLATYPUS, WE LOVE YOU!

NO! NO! WAIT!

AH! OW! OW!

WELL, MY EVIL MISSION WAS A SUCCESS.

NO, IT WASN'T.

SILENCE! AND, UH, MERRY PLATYPUS, ONE AND ALL.

YAY!

Snowman: AND THAT'S THE STORY OF THE MOST HORRIBLE CHRISTMAS EVER.

BUT ZIM AND DIB WERE WRONG THAT DAY.

SANTA WASN'T DESTROYED. SANTA LIVES ON.

IN THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF US ALL?

NO! IN SPACE! GATHERING POWER.

AND EVERY CHRISTMAS HE RETURNS TO EARTH,

AND THAT'S WHY WE ALL LIVE IN THIS PROTECTIVE DOME.

[ALARM SOUNDS]

LOOKS LIKE SANTA'S HERE.

RAISE THE SHIELDS, CHILDREN!