Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND NICKELODEON

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

[CRASH!]

WA...HA HA HA HA HA!...

NO, NO. NO!

[SCREECHING SOUNDS]

YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS ONE.

CLASS, DESPITE MY MORAL OUTRAGE,

THE SCHOOL PRINCIPAL IS ALLOWING YOU TO CELEBRATE

VALENTINE'S DAY THIS YEAR.

[LOUD CHEERING] YAY!

GO AHEAD, PASS OUT YOUR VALENTINE'S MEAT SLABS.

IT'S TRADITIONAL.

I LEFT MY MEAT AT HOME.

SORRY, I SORTA FORGOT IT.

GET THAT OUTTA MY FACE!

MISS BITTERS, I READ THAT LONG AGO,

PEOPLE USED TO GIVE OUT CARDS AND CANDY ON VALENTINE'S DAY.

HOW DID THE WHOLE MEAT THING GET STARTED?

YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW.

I HAD A VALENTINE ONCE.

[ALARM]

UGH, ANOTHER ONE?

TO CELEBRATE OVERCROWDING IN SCHOOL,

A NEW STUDENT WILL BE JOINING THE CLASS.

HI. MY NAME'S TAK.

I'M NEW HERE.

Class: HELLO, TAK.

MY DAD'S THE HEAD OF THE DEELISHUS WEENIE CORPORATION.

THAT WAS HIS JET OUT THERE.

SO I BROUGHT VALENTINE'S WIENERS FOR EVERYONE! HA HA HA HA!

YEAH, WIENERS!

WIENERS ROCK!

EXCEPT THAT KID.

WEENIES SCHMEENIES!

ZIM NEEDS NO MEATS.

FOR HIM, I HAVE PREPARED A POEM.

AHEM!

LOOKS LIKE ZIM HAS A GIRLFRIEND.

IT'S NOT NICE TO EMBARRASS PEOPLE.

YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE AND...

EAT YOUR ERASER.

YES, TAK. I'M SORRY, ZIM.

"FOR LONGER THAN I CAN REMEMBER,

"I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU.

"SOMEONE WITH A HEAD LIKE YOURS

"AND A TORSO, TOO.

BIRDS SING, AND YOU'RE GONNA PAY. THE END!"

HERE'S SOME MEAT COVERED IN BARBECUE SAUCE!

AAAHHH!

THANK YOU, TAK. THAT WAS HORRIBLE.

NOW, YOU'LL NEED A PLACE TO SIT.

YOU! YOU'RE BEING TRANSFERRED TO THE UNDERGROUND CLASSROOM.

Boy: AAAHH!

AND YOU, I'M JUST TIRED OF YOU.

AAHHH!

[SCREAMING]

MISS BITTERS, ARE THERE REALLY UNDERGROUND CLASSES?

SURE, WHATEVER.

AAAHHH!

MY TALLEST, PLEASE EXCUSE MY APPEARANCE

I MEAN NO DISRESPECT.

A NEW CHILD...

YOU'RE NOT DIRT!

BE QUIET!

MY TALLEST, A NEW CHILD ATTACKED ME WITH MEAT.

MY CONCLUSION, SHE'S IN LOVE WITH ME!

Tallest: TEE HEE HEE!

THIS MAY PROVE VALUABLE AS I CAN USE THE CHILD

TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HUMAN AFFECTION!

WHICH, FROM WHAT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DETERMINE,

IS PAIN-BASED.

OH, HA-UM, THAT'S GREAT, ZIM.

SOUNDS GREAT.

HA HA HA HA!

DON'T WORRY, THAT'S JUST MY ARMS

FLAILING AND GIGGLING.

DAH! DAT-DAT!

AND ONCE I AM DONE WITH THE CHILD,

I WILL DESTROY HER. THAT SHOULD BE NEAT.

OK, ZIM, WELL...

WE HAVE ANOTHER CALL.

HA HA HA HA!

[RINGING] HEY!

WE REALLY DO HAVE ANOTHER CALL.

[WEEPING]

NO, IT'S JUST THAT I'M NOT USED TO PEOPLE

ACTUALLY BEING INTERESTED IN MY PARANORMAL STUDIES.

AS FOR ZIM, WELL... AH!

I HAVE COME TO ACCEPT YOUR FEELINGS FOR ME.

I CONGRATULATE YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING MY SUPERIORITY

IN CHOOSING ME AS YOUR LOVE-PIG.

FEEL HONORED!

[SILENCE]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[CAT MEOWS]

AH AH AAAHHH!

MAYBE YOU REALLY ARE AN ALIEN LIKE DIB SAYS.

A HORRIBLY DISGUISED, DISGUSTING, HORRIBLE ONE.

NONSENSE!

DESPITE HIS HUGE HEAD THE DIB-MONKEY IS QUITE STUPID.

MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!

NOW PREPARE YOUR BRAIN, FILTHY BEAST OF MEAT AND HAIR,

YOUR MAGICAL LOVE ADVENTURE BEGINS NOW!

HEH HEH HEH HEH!

HMM?

HEH HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA!

AAAAHHHH!

YOU'RE ON FIRE.

AM I?

OH, WELL...

GIR, I FEEL I NOW KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT HUMAN AFFECTION.

I HATE IT! ESPECIALLY THE PART WITH THE BEANS.

OUR FRIEND TAK IS NO LONGER USEFUL TO ME.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

OOOOO-K.

TAK!

I'M GLAD YOU STOPPED BY.

IT GIVES ME A CHANCE TO END OUR HIDEOUS RELATIONSHIP,

AND ENJOY YOUR SHRILL CRY

IN HAVING BEEN REJECTED BY ZIM!

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING.

I ASSURE YOU I AM VERY SERIOUS.

NOW CRY! CRY LIKE YOU'VE NEVER CRIED...

BEFORE.

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

[CONTINUES LAUGHING HARDER]

WHA...YOU.

YOU'RE IRKEN!

WHAT IS THIS?!

YOU'RE A BIGGER FOOL THAN I IMAGINED.

HUH?

YOU'RE A BIGGER FOOL THAN I IMAGINED.

HEH?

YOU'RE CONFUSED. ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN.

IT WAS 50 YEARS AGO

ON THE IRKEN MILITARY TRAINING PLANET DEVASTIS.

I'D BEEN WAITING YEARS TO TAKE MY FINAL TEST

TO BECOME ONE OF THE IRKIN ELITE SOLDIERS,

AND SHOULD THE NEED ARISE, TO BE ONE OF THE INVADERS.

UGGGGH!

[BEEPING]

AAAAGGHH!

[BEEP BEEP...BEEP]

AAAGGGH!

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

NO! NO!

SOMEBODY, HELP ME!

THE DOOR'S STUCK! I'LL MISS MY TEST!

HELP!

MMM, SNACK.

HELP!

YOU BLEW THE POWER BLOCK FOR THAT ENTIRE HALF OF THE PLANET,

BUT THE TESTING WENT ON UNINTERRUPTED ON THE OTHER SIDE.

I PLEADED WITH THE CONTROL BRAIN

TO LET ME TAKE THE TEST.

BUT SHE SAID I'D HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER 70 YEARS.

I WAS PLACED ON A JANITORIAL SQUAD...

...AND THEN SENT TO PLANET DIRT.

I ESCAPED, AND I BEGAN MY LONG SEARCH

FOR THE MYSTERIOUS PERSON WHO CAUSED THE BLACKOUT

AND...RUINED MY LIFE!

I EVENTUALLY TRACKED YOU TO THIS HORRIBLE PLACE

AND TOOK THAT RICH WEENIE HUMAN AS MY FALSE FATHER.

YES, YES, SO YOU BLAME ME FOR YOUR HORRIBLE LIFE.

BLAH, BLAH, BIG DEAL!

THIS IS ABOUT TAKING YOUR MISSION, ZIM,

NOT REVENGE.

YOU'RE AFTER REVENGE?

NO! IT'S NOT ABOUT REVENGE.

IT'S ABOUT TAKING WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE.

I SHOULD HAVE BEEN AN INVADER!

I SHOULD HAVE BEEN PART OF THE GREAT ASSIGNING!

I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE STEALING THIS PLANET FROM YOU!

YOU'RE AFTER MY ROBOT BEE!

NO! LISTEN TO ME.

LISTEN...CAREFULLY.

MMM, MMM, MMM. MMM.

I'M A BETTER INVADER THAN YOU COULD EVER BE.

I'D BLEND IN PERFECTLY.

THE PLAN I HAVE IN STORE FOR THIS NASTY ROCK

WILL SO IMPRESS THE TALLEST,

THAT THEY'LL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MAKE ME AN INVADER.

WHAT IS THIS?!

AND WHAT IS THIS PLAN?

HEH HEH HEH HEH!

YES, YES, I'M A MASTER OF COMEDY.

NOW TELL ME THIS PLAN.

PART ONE INVOLVES CRIPPLING YOUR BASE

SO THAT YOU CAN ONLY WATCH...

AS I RUIN YOUR LIFE!

MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!

PART TWO IS...

NO! MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!

NOOOO!

PART TWO IS...

NOOOO! MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!

PART...TWO IS...

NOOOO!

PART... NO!

OK, I'M... NO!

OK, I'M LEAVING NOW.

BUT YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOUR PLAN.

NOOOO...!

UGH! UGH! UGH!

GRRRRRH!

DOO TE DOO!

WHAT A HORRIBLE ADVENTURE WITH THAT HAM DEMON! WHEW!

BUT I'VE MADE NO PROGRESS IN FIGURING OUT WHAT TAK'S PLAN IS.

THE BASE IS STILL REPAIRING ITSELF.

AND THE ONLY OTHER PERSON WITH THE FACILITIES TO...

NNN-NO!

I WON'T EVEN CONSIDER IT!

[YAWNS]

BUT THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT WORKED OUT.

YEAH. NO, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

ZIM!

GOOD MORNING, SON.

YOUR LITTLE FOREIGN FRIEND IS HERE TO SEE YOU.

DAD, THAT'S THE ALIEN! THE ALIEN!

OF COURSE HE IS. YOU TWO HAVE FUN.

WHAT'S GOING ON, ZIM?

IT SEEMS THE ENEMIES HAVE A COMMON ENEMY... TAK.

SHE'S IRKEN AND SHE'S AFTER MY JOB AND YOUR PLANET.

OH, COME ON. I LIKE TAK.

AND SHE HATES YOU. YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF...

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH JELLY!

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HER PLAN,

BUT IT'S BEEN DIFFICULT.

SHE'S GOOD.

NOT GOOD LIKE ME, BUT STILL GOOD.

THIS IS JUST STUPID.

48 HOURS OF TRAILING TAK

AND ALL I COULD COME UP WITH

ARE THESE PHOTOS I WRESTLED OFF THAT HAM DEMON.

THEY'RE OF A GIANT, EVIL WEENIE STAND

HER FATHER HAS CONSTRUCTED.

BUT THAT'S NOTHING.

HMM...GIANT WEENIE STAND IS WEIRD,

BUT THAT DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT TAK.

GIANT WEENIE STAND. THAT'S WORTH A LOOK.

I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

SHE'LL DESTROY YOUR WORLD!!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE EVEN SAYING THIS!

YOUR VOICES ARE MAKING ME SICK.

AND WHEN THE EARTH IS A SMOKING RUIN,

YOU'LL WISH IT HAD BEEN ME WHO DID IT!

AAAHH! IT BURNS!

IT BURNS! AAAHH!

THANKS, GAZ. HE WAS REALLY...GAAAAAHH!

DEELISHUS WEENIE!

HI.

UHHHHHH. WHAT'LL IT BE?

BE QUIET. I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW

THAT MY BROTHER IS TRYING TO BREAK INTO THIS BUILDING

THROUGH SOME SECRET ENTRANCE.

UHHHHH...WE HAVE CHILI BEANS.

I JUST THOUGHT IT'D BE KIND OF FUNNY

TO SEE HIM GET BEATEN UP BY SECURITY.

UM...

YA KNOW, I DON'T THINK THERE IS A SECRET ENTRANCE.

I WORK HERE AND THIS IS ALL I'VE SEEN.

THIS PLACE IS KIND OF BIG FOR A HOT DOG STAND, DON'T YOU THINK?

HUH? OH!

UH...NOW THAT I THINK OF IT...

...THERE IS THAT SECRET ENTRANCE AROUND BACK

WHERE THEY DELIVER ALL THAT ALIEN-LOOKING MACHINERY.

[GRUNTING]

UGH!

OH!

OH! YEE, MAN!

WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

IT'S A HOT DOG STAND.

GAZ? HOW DID YOU GET...?

NO PICTURES, PLEASE.

TAK? WHAT?

UM...LOOK, I CAN EXPLAIN.

NO NEED.

IN A SECOND, YOU WON'T EVEN REMEMBER HAVING SEEN ANY OF THIS.

HMM. YOU MUST BE SMARTER THAN THE REST OF THEM.

LET'S SEE ABOUT YOUR SISTER.

AAAHHH!

YOU'RE BEHIND THIS?

NO! HE IS.

OR AT LEAST HIS RESOURCES.

I ONLY LET HIM OUT WHEN I NEED TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES.

KIND OF LIKE ZIM'S ROBOT PARENTS...ONLY GOOD.

YOU CAN'T DO THIS!

PEOPLE WILL KNOW SOMETHING'S UP!

I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS PLACE! IT'S ENORMOUS!

THE GREAT THING ABOUT YOUR PEOPLE, DIB,

IS THAT MOST OF THEM DON'T NOTICE.

ALL THEY SEE IS ANOTHER FACELESS CORPORATE VENTURE,

NOT A PLAN FOR WORLD CONQUEST.

Dib: WAIT, IS THERE REALLY A DIFFERENCE?

IT'S OVER, TAK!

THE EARTH IS MINE TO DEVASTATE.

AND I ALREADY PROMISED THE MOON TO GIR.

ZIM! HOW DID YOU KNOW WE'D BE HERE?

I PLACED A TRACKING DEVICE ON YOU.

A TRACKING DEVICE? WHERE? HUH? HUH?

YOUR HEAD SMELLS LIKE A PUPPY.

THIS WON'T STOP ME

FROM KEEPING MY PROMISE TO THE TALLEST.

MIMI! ATTACK!

YAH!

NOOO!

AH! MIMI...AH CAT... COOL IT!

AAAAHHH!

UGH! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING, ZIM!

I WAS ABOUT TO FIND OUT WHAT HER PLAN WAS.

ME? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO REFUSED TO...

HEY, WHAT'S THIS THING?

THAT'S A S.I.R. UNIT'S MEMORY DISC!

IT PROBABLY HAS TAK'S PLAN ALL OVER IT.

NO WAY! IT'S OURS! BACK OFF!

I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE WITH THE TECHNOLOGY TO DECODE THE FILES!

AND WE'RE THE ONLY ONES HERE WITH THE FILES TO BE DECODED!

AND I'M...HEE HA HEE HEE HEE!

I DON'T KNOW.

YOUR BASE. OUR DISC, ZIM.

LET US SEE THE BASE.

AS SOON AS WE DESTROY TAK,

I'M GOING TO FEED YOUR BRAINS TO MY ROBOT.

DEAL!

Gir: YAY! BRAINS!

HA. THIS IS YOUR BASE?

DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING OR I'LL...

MELT YOUR FACE OFF OR SOMETHING.

MY LEADERS, I OFFER A GIFT TO PROVE MY WORTHINESS AS AN INVADER.

I HAVE CREATED A MAGMA PUMP

TO HOLLOW OUT THE EARTH'S MOLTEN CORE.

I COULD DO THAT.

ONCE EMPTY, I'LL FILL THE PLANET WITH SNACKS

AS AN OFFERING TO MY TALLEST.

YOUR LEADERS ARE JUST TALLER THAN EVERYONE ELSE?

YOU NEVER EVEN CONSIDERED EARTH VALUABLE AT ALL.

BUT I SHALL MAKE IT VALUABLE.

SHE STOLE THIS PLAN FROM ME!

NO, SHE DIDN'T.

BE QUIET!

IT'S STARTING.

COMPUTER!

[COMPUTER IRRITATED] WHAT?

READY THE VOOT! I MUST STOP TAK.

HER LITTLE JOKE HAS GONE FAR ENOUGH.

WAIT! YOU HAVE TO DROP ME OFF AT THE WEENIE STAND.

SOMEONE HAS TO SHUT THE PUMP OFF.

ARE THERE ANY VIDEO GAMES AROUND HERE?

Computer: NO, NOT REALLY.

I GUESS I'LL HELP SAVE THE EARTH THEN.

[SCREAMING]

AAHHH!

DEELISHUS WEENIE!

THERE!

HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!

HOW DO YOU SHUT THIS THING OFF!

SO THIS SHOULD WORK?

Computer: IF TAK'S SIR UNIT IS WITHIN RANGE OF ITS MEMORY DISC,

IT CAN BE CONTROLLED THROUGH A REMOTE HOST.

WE CAN REMOTE CONTROL IT.

OK. YOU, DO THINGS. MAKE TAK'S ROBOT CRAZY.

ONLY IF YOU DANCE WITH ME.

NO. NEVER. NEVER!

OH, COME ON.

GIVE UP, ZIM! I BUILT THIS SHIP MYSELF!

UGH!

DOO DEE DOO DEE DOO DEE DOO DEE!...

AH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

MIMI!

STOP! NO, STOP!

AAHHH!

NO, STOP! MIMI!

YOU'RE RUINING...

NO!

YOU'RE A WORSE PILOT THAN I AM! WAIT.

NOOO! NO NO NO!

HUH?

[DING!]

HOW DID I MISS THAT?

NO ONE TAKES ZIM'S MISSION!

NO ONE!

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DID IT, ZIM.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN AN INVADER, YOU KNOW.

THE TALLEST LIED TO YOU.

YOUR MISSION'S ALL A BIG LIE!

I'LL COME BACK AND UH...AAHHH!

EEHHHHH...HA HA HA HA!

OK.

TAK'S PLAN WAS RUINED.

THE HUMANS HELPED OUT, BUT, UH...

THEY WERE HYPNOTIZED BY... ME INTO DOING SO!

YOU SHOULD HAVE HEARD THE LIES SHE TOLD ABOUT YOU.

WELL, ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT TAK'S EVIL SNACK PLAN WAS STOPPED.

HEY!

I LIKE SNACKS.

HE LIKES SNACKS, ZIM.

I KNOW YOU DO. I KNOW.

HELLO!

LOOK AT IT, GAZ.

WE'VE ONLY SEEN WHAT'S COME TO US FROM UP THERE.

DON'T YOU WANT TO JUST FLY OUT THERE AND SEE IT ALL?

EH.

YAAH!

YAH!