Original subtitles

MM Anchor: IN THE END, EVEN MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES

DOESN'T KNOW WHAT, OR WHO,

IS HAUNTING THIS FORK.

MAYBE IT'S THIS GUY.

THE TRUTH... IS A MYSTERY.

WOW. WHAT IF IT IS THAT GUY?

NEXT ON MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES...

THE MYSTERIOUS, THE HORRIBLE...

CHICKENFOOT.

WAIT. IT LOOKS LIKE A GUY IN A MR. CHICKYLICKY SUIT.

YOU CAN SEE THE ZIPPER!

AAAHHH! AAHH!

[CLUCKING]

THAT IS A GUY IN A MR. CHICKYLICKY SUIT!

WHAT KIND OF IDIOTS DO THEY THINK WE ARE?

HELLO, SON.

I'M GIVING THESE WORLD LEADERS A TOUR OF OUR HOME.

WOW! OOH!

AH! OOH!

WHO IS THE BIG-HEADED BOY?

THIS IS MY SON, DIB.

THE FUTURE OF THE MEMBRANE EMPIRE.

ACTUALLY, I'M A PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR.

HE'S A BIT INSANE AT THE MOMENT,

BUT HE'LL GET OVER IT.

DAD, PARANORMAL INVESTIGATION

IS A LEGITIMATE FIELD OF STUDY.

MM Anchor: WE ASKED A LEGITIMATE PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR

WHAT HE HAD TO SAY ABOUT CHICKENFOOT.

CHICKENFOOT IS NOT A REAL CHICKEN.

HE'S A SPACE CHICKEN.

FROM A PLANET WHERE PIG-DEMONS RULE.

PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR?

YOUR SON BELIEVES THESE THINGS?

ARE THE REST OF THE PEOPLE IN YOUR COUNTRY CRAZY LIKE THIS BOY?

HO HO HO HO HO!

[ALL LAUGH]

WE'LL DISCUSS THIS LATER.

BUT I DON'T BELIEVE IN CHICKENFOOT!

MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES IS GETTING DESPERATE FOR RATINGS.

THIS CHICKENFOOT STORY IS UNDERMINING EVERYTHING

THAT SERIOUS PARANORMAL STUDIES STAND FOR,

THAT I STAND FOR.

IT MUST BE STOPPED!

I WANT MY SLAW!

YOU HAVE YOUR SLAW, SIR!

I WANT MY SLAW!

YOU HAVE YOUR SLAW, SIR!

I WANT MY SLAW!

YOU HAVE YOUR SLAW, SIR!

I WANT MY SLAW!

WHAT KIND OF CHICKEN YOU WANT, MISTER?

YOU HAVE YOUR SLAW, SIR!

I WANT MY SLAW!

ACTUALLY, I WANT SOME INFORMATION ABOUT CHICKENFOOT.

WAAAHH!

DON'T SAY THAT NAME 'ROUND HERE.

HE IS THE DEMON BEAST.

WE'VE LOST THREE CHICKEN COOKERS SINCE HE COME AROUND!

CHICKENFOOT ATE THEM?

NO. THEY GOT BETTER JOBS.

BUT I HATE THAT CHICKEN-BEAST!

GET OUT!

GET OUT NOW,

BEFORE YOU GET A BETTER JOB, TOO!

MARIA, DON'T MAKE A SCENE!

YOUNG MAN...

PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TRY

A MR. CHICKEY MEAL.

ARE YOU THIRSTY FOR CHICKEN?

EEHHHH! DON'T TRY TO THROW ME OFF TRACK.

NO, NO.

THE CHICKEY MEAL.

IT COMES WITH A DIRTY CHICKEN TOY.

THE HEAD COMES OFF,

AND CAN BE USED LIKE A LITTLE GRAPPLING HOOK.

THAT'S...A WEIRD THING FOR A CHICKEN TO DO.

THAT DIRTY CHICKEN HAS A SEEEE-CRET.

OK, WHAT'S THE SECRET OF CHICKENFOOT?

ASK THE DIRTY CHICKEN.

[SQUEAKING]

WHAT IS THE SECRET... UM...DIRTY CHICKEN?

QUIT IT. QUIT THAT.

CHICKENFOOT IS A MASS OF CHICKENY EVIL!

HE HAS COME BACK TO AVENGE THE SOULS OF ALL HIS CHICKEN BROTHERS!

OOOOOOHHH!

OH, COME ON! IT'S A GUY IN A CHICKEN SUIT.

DON'T YOU HAVE ANY HARD FACTS?

I WANT FACTS!

DON'T HURT ME.

THEY SAY CHICKENFOOT LIVES IN AN APARTMENT BUILDING ON THIRD STREET.

OOOOHHHHHH!

THE MASS OF CHICKENY EVIL HAS AN APARTMENT?

GOVERN, RODRIGUEZ, TRUEHEART...

SMACKEY...NO CHICKENFOOT!

THE OLD MAN LIED TO ME!

EXCUSE ME.

HEY...WAIT!

WAIT! COME BACK!

STOP! STOP!

GIVE UP, CHICKEN! OOF!

GIVE UP, CHICKENFOOT! I'VE GOT YOU!

WAIT. YOU WANT CHICKENFOOT?

HO, HO. SEE, I'M TURKEYNECK.

CHICKENFOOT'S TWO DOORS DOWN.

WHY DID YOU RUN FROM ME?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE ONE OF THOSE DARN KIDS

AFTER ME LUCKY NECKMEATS.

THEY'RE ALWAYS AFTER ME NECKMEATS, DONCHA KNOW?

YOU SEE, MY NECKMEATS, THEY'RE LUCKY.

CHICKENFOOT?

[WILD CLUCKING]

AAHH!

CHICKENFOOT.

HUH? GO AWAY! DON'T LOOK AT ME!

I JUST WANT TO TALK.

DON'T LOOK AT MY FACE!

MY HORRIBLE FACE!

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

IT'S A SAD, SAD REVOLTING TALE...

I WAS ONCE A MAN, JUST LIKE YOU.

I WORKED IN A CHICKEN RESTAURANT, JUST LIKE YOU.

I DON'T WORK IN A CHICKEN RESTAURANT.

DON'T LOOK AT ME!

I WASN'T--OH--

JUST GO ON.

MY NAME IS...

WAS...

CHEWY RODRIGUEZ.

I LIVED...

I LAUGHED... I LOVED!

OOOOHHH!

BUT ONE FATEFUL DAY,

MY DESTINY COLLIDED WITH A DEFECTIVE MICROWAVE OVEN...

OF DOOM!

POTATOES ARE BAD!

THESE POTATOES ARE GREAT!

POTATOES ARE BAD!

THESE POTATOES ARE WONDERFUL!

THE POTATOES ARE NASTY AND BAD!

THESE POTATOES ARE THE BEST POTATOES IN THE WORLD!

THEY ARE NOT!

THEY'RE BAD, NASTY, BAD POTATOES!

AAAHHH!

[BOOM!] AAAHHH!

I SURVIVED,

BUT THE ACCIDENT HAD CAUSED AN UNHOLY FUSION

OF MAN AND CHICKEN.

AND NOW...

AAAHHH!

I MUST SURVIVE ON THE FRINGES OF SOCIETY,

NEITHER MAN NOR CHICKEN!

SOMETHING IN-BETWEEN IT.

A CHICKENY...MAN!

THE EXPLOSION PROBABLY JUST STUCK THE ZIPPER.

I COULD PULL IT LOOSE.

YOU SPEAK MADNESS, BOY!

EVERY DAY THAT GOES BY,

I BECOME MORE GROTESQUE!

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T BATHE.

I CAN'T EVEN LEAVE THE APARTMENT ANYMORE.

NOW THE CHICKYMEAL TOYS ARE MY ONLY FRIENDS.

MY ONE REGRET IS THAT I NEVER GOT

THE DIRTY CHICKEN TOY.

WAIT.

YOU MEAN THIS?

GIVE ME THAT! GIVE ME...EEEUUGH!

HOLD ON!

ONLY IF YOU PROMISE TO COME TO THE HOSPITAL WITH ME.

I THINK WE CAN PUT AN END TO THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL.

[SHUDDERING]

YES, SEND A NEWS CREW RIGHT AWAY.

I HAVE THE REAL CHICKENFOOT STORY.

OH, LET'S GO OVER IT AGAIN.

OK. HERE'S THE CHICKEN HEAD.

HERE'S YOUR HEAD INSIDE,

LOOKING OUT THE HOLE IN THE MASK.

SEE? RIGHT THERE. OK.

YOU SEE, CHEWY, IT'S JUST A COSTUME.

LET US TAKE IT OFF BEFORE YOU MAKE

A TOTAL MOCKERY OF PARANORMAL STUDIES!

NO. IT'S NOT TRUE.

IS IMPOSSIBLE!

WE CAN JUST UNZIP THE BACK.

NO!

YOU TAUNT ME!

I'M A FREAK!

I'LL ALWAYS BE A FREAK!

AAAHHH!

IT'S REALLY HARD TO WANNA CHASE SOMEBODY

WHO SMELLS THAT BAD.

EEEEHHH!

AAAHHH!

AAAHHH!

CHICKENFOOT! COME BACK!

YOU'RE NOT A FREAK!

YOU'RE JUST STUPID!

[SCREAMING]

WAAAAHHH!

[SQUEAKING]

UH...CHICKENFOOT.

RRAAAHHHH!

I--I JUST WANNA...

[REPORTERS SHOUTING QUESTIONS]

CHICKENFOOT ROCKS!

THE CURSE IS LIFTED.

THANK YOU.

IT WAS JUST A COSTUME!

CHICKENFOOT WAS A FRAUD ALL ALONG?

THIS JUST PROVES THAT PARANORMAL STUDIES

ISN'T A BUNCH OF CRAZIES BELIEVING IN ANYTHING.

WE ALSO DISPROVE THE FRAUDS.

I BET THIS MEANS BIGFOOT IS A FRAUD, TOO!

AND UFO'S!

AND HOBOS.

NO, WAIT.

THOSE ARE REAL!

EXCEPT THE HOBOS.

WAIT, NO, THEY'RE REAL.

I--I GUESS.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

AND SO THE LEGENDARY CHICKENFOOT HAS BEEN EXPOSED AS A FAKE,

CALLING INTO QUESTION ALL OTHER MONSTER SIGHTINGS.

WELL, THAT DIDN'T TURN OUT LIKE I PLANNED,

BUT...AT LEAST IT'S FINALLY OVER.

[BEEP BEEP BEEP]

NOOOOOOO! OH HO OH!

I'M A TACO!