Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

AND NICKELODEON

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

[CRASH!]

AH HA HA HA HA HA!

I'M GONNA BE A DOCTOR!

I'LL BE A VETERINARIAN.

I WANNA BE A FIREMAN!

AND I WILL BE...

LORD OF ALL HUMANS!

I'M GOING TO BE A PROFESSIONAL PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR,

SO THAT I CAN EXPOSE...

HEY, I WASN'T FINISHED.

WHEN I GROW UP, I'M GONNA BE A ASTRONAUT.

WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE,

I WANTED TO BE AN ASTRONAUT, TOO, MELVIN.

AND THEN MY SHIP IMPLODED

IN THE VACUUM OF SPACE.

THE LESSON HERE IS THAT DREAMS INEVITABLY LEAD TO HIDEOUS IMPLOSIONS.

THAT'S WHY THE SCHOOL HAS INSTITUTED THIS TEST.

FROM THESE QUESTIONS, WE WILL DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE CAREERS.

THEN YOU WILL BE PARTNERED WITH AN ADULT

WHO WORKS IN YOUR FIELD.

YOU WILL SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY

OBSERVING THEM AND GETTING USED TO YOUR WRETCHED FATES.

WRITE WHAT YOU THINK EACH BLOTCH LOOKS LIKE

ON THE LINE NEXT TO IT.

ANSWER EACH ONE CAREFULLY.

YOUR FUTURE DEPENDS ON IT.

WHAT DOES IDENTIFYING BLOTCHES

HAVE TO DO WITH DETERMINING OUR FUTURE CAREERS?

OH, YOU POOR, DOOMED CHILD.

[THINKING] HUMAN SLAVE.

HUMAN SLAVE.

GHOST.

BIGFOOT.

TIME'S UP. PASS YOUR PAPERS FORWARD!

UH...UH...

THE MACHINE WILL NOW DECIDE YOUR FATE.

BRIAN, YOU'RE GOING TO BE A FIREMAN.

BUT I WANTED TO BE A DOCTOR.

QUIET! THE MACHINE HAS SPOKEN!

SARAH, YOU ARE GOING TO BE AN ASTRONAUT.

WAAAAAHHH!

SPOON, YOU WILL BE A VETERINARIAN.

BUT I'M ALLERGIC TO ANIMALS.

DIB, YOU WILL BE A ...

PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR.

YES!

ZIM, THE MACHINE SAYS THAT THE ONLY CAREER YOU ARE SUITABLE FOR IS...

YES, YES, LORD OF HUMANS!

I WILL RULE YOU ALL WITH AN IRON FIST!

NO, ZIM.

THE MACHINE HAS ASSIGNED YOU A CAREER IN FAST FOOD PREPARATION.

I WILL PREPARE FOOD WITH MY IRON FIST.

THEN I WILL WORK MY WAY UP TO RULING YOU ALL WITH MY FIST!

YOU, OBEY THE FIST.

[GROWLS]

NOW, CHILDREN, FIND YOUR PARTNER.

[MEOW!]

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOUR NECK, ZIM?

SOME KIND OF ALIEN SPORE?

OF COURSE NOT.

WHERE CAN I FIND ZIM?

I AM ZIM. TAKE ME TO THE MEAT.

OH, YOU'RE NOT READY FOR MEAT PREPARATION YET.

WE START WITH THE FRENCH FRIES.

WHEN WE GET PROMOTED, WE WORK WITH MEAT.

LOOKS LIKE I'LL BE GETTING TEAMED UP

WITH A RESPECTED PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR, ZIM.

HE'S SURE TO SEE THROUGH YOUR PITIFUL DISGUISE.

AND THEN WE'LL TAKE YOU BACK TO HIS SECRET LAB

AND THEN WE'LL PERFORM ALL KINDS OF TESTS ON YOU--

HORRIBLE TESTS!

SEE YA.

LET'S TALK MORE ABOUT THESE--PROMOTIONS.

NOT NOW. MY BREAK'S ALMOST OVER.

AAAHHH!

PSST, YOUR NAME DIB?

YES.

CALL ME BILL.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU.

THERE'S AN ACTUAL ALIEN IN MY CLASS AND I HAVE...

SLOW DOWN, LITTLE MAN.

TODAY, YOU'RE GOING TO SEE THINGS THAT ARE GOING TO

CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THE WORLD.

KEEP YOUR EYES AND YOUR MIND...

OPEN.

IT'S PRETTY OPEN.

I JUST WANNA...

NO MORE TALKING.

LET'S ROLL.

8 BILLION?!

THAT IS MORE THAN THE ENTIRE POPULATION.

AND THEY ALL SERVE MacMEATIE?

IF I RULE MacMEATIE'S,

I RULE THE WORLD.

YOU WANNA BE VERY CAREFUL NOT TO TOUCH ANY OF THE GREASE

'CAUSE IT'S KIND OF HOT.

AND THEN, YOU ADD THE MEAT SEASONING.

FASCINATING!

AND ONCE I HAVE MASTERED THE FRENCH FRIES,

WHAT IS THE NEXT PROMOTION?

AFTER FRIES, YOU GET TO WORK THE GRILL.

AND THEN, HOW MANY PROMOTIONS UNTIL I AM MADE

RULER OF THE PLANET?

ABOUT 4.

THE CORPORATIONS ARE BEHIND A LOT OF THE CONSPIRACIES,

BUT THE GOVERNMENT, THEY'RE JUST ONE BIG CONSPIRACY LED BY...

WHAT ARE THESE?

OH, CASE FILES. I BROUGHT THEM ALONG

TO SHOW YOU THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE SERIOUS PARANORMAL

AND THE FRAUDS.

THE TOP BUNDLE ARE THE REAL ONES.

THE BOTTOM ONES ARE ALL COMPLETE BUNK.

FRANKENCHOKEY.

THEY'RE FILED WRONG.

YOU'VE GOT BIGFOOT AND DINOSAURS IN WITH THE FAKE STUFF.

YOU THINK THOSE THINGS ARE REAL?

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO BELIEVE.

THAT'S WHAT WHO WANTS ME TO BELIEVE?

WHAT'S THIS?

THE GALACTIC EQUINOX THEORY.

AT 5 O'CLOCK TONIGHT,

THE GALAXIES ARE GOING TO BE PERFECTLY LINED UP.

MY COLLEAGUES BELIEVE THAT THIS WILL CAUSE

ALL THE ALIENS THAT ARE LIVING OFF THEIR OWN PLANET

TO GO THROUGH A HIDEOUS MOLT FOR A FEW SECONDS.

DON'T READ THAT GARBAGE.

THAT RASH ON ZIM'S NECK!

WE'VE GOT TO GET TO MacMEATIE'S!

I KNOW WHERE THERE'S AN ALIEN

AND HE'S GOING THROUGH THE MOLT RIGHT NOW!

IT'S OUR CHANCE TO PROVE THAT THERE'S--

SHH! WE'RE HERE.

A CROP CIRCLE?

BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT?

IT'S A MESSAGE FROM CREATURES

MUCH MORE INTELLIGENT THAN US.

SPACE BEINGS WHO HAVE TRAVELED MILLIONS OF LIGHT YEARS

TO SAY SOMETHING.

BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

I...THINK THIS ONE'S A FAKE.

YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE SKEPTICS, AREN'T YOU?

ALWAYS QUESTIONING. ALWAYS PICKING AWAY AT MY THEORIES!

ONE DAY, YOU'LL SEE THAT...

[MOOING AND BELL RINGING]

NOW CAN WE GO TO MacMEATIE'S, PLEASE?

NEED PORK, DADDY!

ECCCHH!

COME ON. WE'RE IN A HURRY HERE!

WE HAVE TO MAKE IT TO THE OBSERVATORY BY 5

SO WE CAN WATCH THE EQUINOX!

THE EQUINOX IS TONIGHT?!

YUH-HUH.

YUH-HUH, EH-HEH, MM-HMM,

UH-HUH, MM-HMM. YUH-HUH.

NO! THE MOLT!

I HAVE TO GO HOME.

IF YOU TAKE OFF, IT'LL BE IN YOUR FILE FOREVER

AND YOU'LL NEVER GET PROMOTED.

I'VE COME TOO FAR TO GIVE UP NOW.

I MUST NOT UPSET MacMEATIE.

SO CLOSE TO PROMOTION,

BUT I NEED TO TAKE A BREAK AT 5 O'CLOCK.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TALK TO THE SHIFT CAPTAIN ABOUT THAT.

IT'S 4:45. IF WE HURRY, WE CAN MAKE IT!

HMM. THE ALIENS MUST BE CONTROLLING THE COW.

THAT IS NOT A SUPERNATURAL COW!

THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

YOU BELIEVE IN ALL THE STUPIDEST THINGS

WHEN REAL PROOF IS RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE!

I BET YOU'D LISTEN TO ME IF I WERE TALKING ABOUT...

OH, I DON'T KNOW... COUNT COCOFANG.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT COUNT COCOFANG?!

THAT HE'S GOING TO BE AT MacMEATIE'S AT 5 O'CLOCK.

WE HAVEN'T GOT MUCH TIME. LET'S ROLL.

I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING THE COCOFANG CASE FOR YEARS.

EVERYBODY THINKS HE'S MADE UP, BUT HE'S NOT.

ONCE I CATCH HIM, THE WORLD WILL KNOW

WHAT I'VE KNOWN ALL ALONG.

COUNT COCOFANG IS AN ACTUAL VAMPIRE.

JUST AS FRANKENCHOKEY IS AN ACTUAL-- FRANKEN--THING.

WE'RE ALMOST THERE!

THAT'S IT, ZIM, YOUR ALIEN INFILTRATION STOPS HERE!

Kids: YAY!

OH, NO!

BLUH! EAT COCOSPLODEES.

YEAH! COCOFANG ROCKS!

THERE HE IS!

HE'S NOT A VAMPIRE!

WE HAVE TO CATCH THE ALIEN!

HEY! NO CUTTING!

WE FINALLY MEET, COUNT COCOFANG.

THE LINE STARTS BACK THERE. BLUH!

IT'S JUST A GUY IN A VAMPIRE SUIT.

COME ON, FANG. LET'S DANCE.

HEY, SOME GUYS ARE CHASING AFTER COCOFANG!

HAAH!

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

NO! HELP! STOP! WAIT UP!

I'LL GET YOU, FANG!

NOOOOO!

[OUT OF BREATH] I KNOW, LITTLE MAN.

I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

BUT ONE DAY, WE'LL CATCH HIM.

ONE DAY, WE'LL CATCH... THE FANG.

YOU JERK.

YOU'RE FIRED!