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Pretty good town you got here.

You bet we have.

A public library, and the largest insane asylum in the state.

Come on, Joe. Let her down.

All right, all right, back it up, will you?

They sure were great fights last night, O'Hare.

Yes, they were.

- Never saw better fights in my life. - I got a kick out of them myself.

So did I. So did I. They fought like a couple of dressmakers.

When I see fights like that, I feel

like getting back into condition and getting into the fight game

myself again.

Ah, that's better.

Hello, O'Hare, what do you know?

Not a thing, not a thing.

That lug tells his wife everything he knows.

Why should I tell him anything?

- Good morning, Mr. O'Hare. - Oh, good morning, Mrs. Scroggins.

How's Mr. Scroggins?

He's not so well this morning.

That's unfortunate.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm worried about him.

Yeah, I am too.

He was out on one of this benders last night again.

How he can drink that raw alcohol and live, I don't know.

Fine man, he is.

Get out, get out, get out, get out.

You think all I got to do all day long?

Pop, Mom says for you to come up and get your fiddle right away.

Get my fiddles? I'll be right with you, Ronald.

- Pop, you want to hear a riddle? - I'd love to hear a riddle, Ronald.

What is it?

Why does a cat's tail like a long journey?

I'm afraid you have me, Ronald.

Why is a cat's tail like a long journey?

Because it curves at the end.

Ronald, very good.

You're absolutely side splitting.

Eat your dinner.

What, no meat?

Vegetables contain more minerals.

You want to hear another cat riddle?

Yes, I would. I'd love to.

What looks most like a cat looking out of a window?

I don't know.

What looks most like the domestic feline contentedly

gazing from the window?

I'll tell you what looks most like a cat

looking out of a window.

Another cat looking in!

Oh, very good, Ronald, very good.

Eat your spinach, eat your spinach.

Would you like to hear another riddle?

Don't encourage him.

Eat your carrots.

It shows he's awfully smart.

Mr. Lincoln used to tell riddles.

And that, as much as anything else,

made him the wonderful president that he was.

Pop, why is a load of hay like a mouse?

Don't, my poor brain.

He gives me pains with these terrible wheezes.

You know why a load of hay is like a mouse?

No, Ronald, I do not.

I've never noticed the similarity

between a small rodent and a large amount of horses food.

Why does a small rodent resemble a load of hay?

Because a cat will eat it.

Cat will eat it.

Cattle eat it.

Very good, Ronald.

Eat your spinach, Eat your spinach.

Hey!

Yeah?

Come in! Come in!

Come in, come in.

Hey!

Coming, coming, I'm coming.

Hello, I hear you want to buy a fiddle.

No, I have Lena here.

I'm perfectly satisfied with her.

But him is a fine fiddle.

He may be a fine fiddle.

But I get very sweet music out of Lena.

Somebody told me that you want to buy a fiddle.

Well, as a matter of fact, a few weeks ago, I did.

But I had Lena all fixed up.

And I'm perfectly satisfied with her now.

And me push him for three miles.

I'm sorry about that.

Hey, hey, can I keep him here till I come back from work?

Surely, surely, put him right in the corner here.

That's fine.

Right in there, that's fine.

You take good care of him?

I'll take good care of him, yes.

- So long, boss. - Goodbye.

How do you do, [INAUDIBLE], or, uh, Miss Flugg?

Have a nice lunch?

Yes, I had a wonderful steak at the lunch counter.

Steak, I love meat.

But we never have it at our house.

My wife's a vegetarian.

All we have is vegetables.

Say, I was practicing last night on Lena out in the garage.

And I think I got that down fine now.

Would you mind listening to it?

Oh, I'd love to.

- You like that? - I think it's sweet.

Yeah, I think it's much better.

Isn't it funny?

My wife doesn't think it's music.

She just has no ear for it.

Here's the other one. This is the second melody.

That's more difficult that way, when you have to move

your hands around that way.

How do you do, sir?

Will you sit down?

- Manicure? - No.

Hair cut or shave?

Yeah.

I beg your pardon.

Isn't your name Flugg?

Yeah.

I thought so.

I didn't recognize your face when you first came in.

No, it's all healed up since I was in here last.

Mr. O'Hare?

I see they're offering $2,000 reward

for that bandit who robbed the bank at Cucamonga City.

$2,000, I'd like to get that dough.

If I wasn't so busy, I'd go over and choke that guy to death.

I'd teach him not to rob banks in and around the city.

Mr. O'Hare?

Did you had your hat on backwards?

I beg your pardon?

Did you know you had your hat on backwards?

Oh no, oh, thank you very much.

I had it on backwards day before yesterday,

and a a friend of mine came up and kicked me in the stomach.

Rubbing, rubbing.

Joe, don't miss it!

Rubbing, rubbing.

Be careful, boys, be careful.

OK, Mr. O'Hare.

I haven't thrown a spit ball since I

was first line pitcher on the Baltimore Orioles years ago.

Go out, son!

Careful, get on the other side of the street!

OK.

Here she goes!

Ow!

Well, he-- he didn't hit it.

Shut your eyes, please.

That tickle?

A little dab, but that won't hurt.

Ah, ah, ah.

OK, wasn't your fault. I can fix that.

No harm done, no harm done.

Got a mole?

Yeah, I've had it all my life.

Mm-hm.

Won't have it any more.

I want to shave here.

OK, OK, OK, OK.

Oh!

That's all right.

How do you do?

Is it true that you can take weight off in that steam room of yours?

I positively guarantee it.

My wife says if I don't get some of this fat off

she'll leave me.

Just step right this way, will you?

Right in here, here's the room right here.

Just go into this hangar.

Change your clothes in there.

If he ever took his shoes off, he'd go right up in the air.

Say, what's that dog doing in here?

Oh, it's a very funny thing.

The other day, a man was in here.

And I was shaving him.

The razor slipped, and I cut his ear off.

The dog got it.

Ever since he's been hanging around here for-- go away,

go away.

He's going to get another-- he can't get another ear here.

Gotta follow through the same as you do with a hockey club.

I just sharpened these razors up.

There you are.

Here we are.

Here's the steam room.

Right in there, go right in there and sit down.

And I'll turn the steam on right away.

Come on, Ethel, get excited!

There you are.

Now, don't stay in here over a minute.

And if it gets too hot, just press that button,

and the light will go on!

And if you get any trouble, just pull that loop,

and the horn will blow up there, and I'll get you right out.

He won't be long.

Stays in there a minute, it'll take a ton off him.

Just one little hot towel, and we'll be right through with you.

All right, all right, all right, all right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

There we are.

The police car! I bet they're after that bandit!

Which way did they go?

They went up that way.

You know when I hear that old siren,

I feel like an old fire horse.

I want to get back in the harness again.

I used to be a detective once.

- Really? - Yes.

You seem to have been everything.

I guess I was.

My wife calls me every-- yes?

Yes, my willow of the wisp?

Did you mail that letter I gave you yesterday morning?

Uh, uh, yeah, yes, yes, yes I did, yes I did, dear, yes.

I think I'll go have my dress fitted.

Yes, go ahead, yes, have your dress fitted, yes.

- How do you do, Mrs. Broadbottom? - How do you do, Mr. O'Hare?

Fine, thank you.

Would you mind taking care of the baby while I go into the drug store?

- I'd love to. - Thank you.

How's Mr. Broadbottom?

Fine, I'll be just a minute.

OK.

What's this? Come here.

My little woolly britches, don't you know to swallow a think

like that would kill you?

I'll get it. Here she is.

Oh!

Wouldn't you like to wait for a little powder?

I'd like to have enough powder to blow you to..

Have you had enough?

Have I had enough?

Been biting your nails again, aye?

If I had my former weight, I'd choke you to death.

I'll sue you and take this barbershop away from you.

Oh well, I don't care.

And I just had this nice new steam room put in too.

I'll have the law on you for this.

Well, I told you not to stay in over a minute.

Did you have a nice lunch?

Dear?

Yes, my slender reed?

I'm going downtown.

I need some clothes. Give me some money.

You got change for a dollar?

Give it to me.

I think I'll have my nails manicured too while I'm out.

Pop, you want to hear another riddle?

Not now, Ronald, not now, run along, run along, son.

Play your little baseball.

O'Hare!

If you think you've heard the last of this, you're mistaken.

You deliberately locked me in that room.

Why, that's a colossal fib.

I'm a very kind-hearted person.

I've never hurt man, beast, or child, except when I had to.

Well, Lena, let's get going.

Glad you liked it.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

I'd like to have my little girl's haircut.

Oh, surely, she's a very pretty little girl.

I'd love to cut her hair.

Just sit in that.

She knows where to go, doesn't she?

Yes, she does, indeed.

Very pretty hat she has on also.

She has been to a maypole dance today.

- Has she? - Yes.

Want your haircut?

No.

Gloria.

I'll have your haircut. I'll just take your hat off.

- Do you mind? - I don't want my hat off?

I'll have it off, dear.

Have your hat off.

You musn't wear your hat when you're having your haircut.

Indeed.

She has two hats, doesn't she?

Maybe she better keep her hat on.

Might not be bad.

Now, look here, I know what she likes.

There's a nice stick of candy for you.

That's the barbershop candy. I have plenty of it.

Do you think they were really chasing the bandit, Mr. O'Hare?

Sure, it was.

With two pins, I'd close this shop and go over and get him,

and choke him to death with my bare hands.

That's the way we used to choke wolves to death

years ago in the northwest.

I belonged to the bare hand wolf chokers association.

Had to choke a wolf to death before you could belong to the social.

Yes, sir?

Yes, sir?

Listen, get rid of those people.

And get rid of them quick.

Yeah, all right.

I'm sorry folks, there's a gentleman ahead of you.

That's absurd, after I've waited here this length of time.

He telephoned in-- uh, telegraphed, telephone.

What's the matter with you? You act like an idiot.

I'll tell you that. Come on, Gloria. We'll get out of this place.

I think I'll go upstairs just a minute.

Stay where you are.

Listen, barber, you've got 10 minutes to make

me look like another man.

Yes, sir.

I've got to get out of this town. I got to get out fast.

Get that thing off there.

Come on now, make it snappy.

I think I'll go home.

Stay where you are.

Listen, barber, get this.

Take the mustache off. Take the tabs off.

Take the eyebrows off.

Close crop the hair.

And make it snappy.

Have you tried that good barber down at the hotel?

He's wonderful.

Get busy!

I'm the worst barber in town. My wife will tell you that.

Would you take those off?

Yes, sir.

What are you doing?

Are you going to get going? Or are you going to get going?

I'm going to get going. Lock the door!

Out of the way, please!

Excuse me!

Stop, in the name of the law!

Stop, in the name of the law!

Get out of the way you fools!

I didn't mean it!

Get out of the way, you fools!

I didn't mean it!

Let me up, let me up, I didn't try to catch you.

My wife is a bandit.

All my best friends are bandits.

The president of the bank comes to our house for dinner.

Congratulations, Mr. O'Hare. You get the $2,000 rewards.

This is the fellow we've been looking for.

Yeah, I know.

I told you I'd get him. Didn't I?

What's the matter here? What happened?

- The bandit, I caught the bandit. - You caught him?

Yeah, I got the $2,000 reward.

I had to chase him around the block three times

before I got the revolver away from him.

I don't believe my own ears.

Folks, just a minute, here's the brave little

lad that captured the bandit.

He hit a liner with a baseball that struck him

right on the top of the head.

He knocked poor Mr. O'Hare here off his bicycle.

- Are you hurt, Mr. O'Hare? - Not physically, no.

Come on, get these folks out of here.

All right, come on you.

That's a brave little lad.

With regards to the rewards, Mr. O'Hare,

if you step over to the station tomorrow,

I'll see that you get it.

So you caught the burglar.

Come, Ronald.

Pop, you want to hear another riddle?

Not now, Ronald.

Not now, I'm not in the mood. Go upstairs and eat your spinach.

Never mind, Mr. O'Hare.

I know you caught the bandit.

I know I caught him too.

What's the good of arguing with those people?

They're all nervous.

Can't talk to them at all.

Come on, Lena.

Lena!

Little devils are just as lively as can be, too.

Lena, how could you!