Original subtitles

Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth? I do.

What is your name?

Gail Tempest.

What is your occupation?

I'm a dancer.

On the night of February 13th,

were you working at the Black Bottom Café

when this murder was committed?

Yes.

But I didn't do it.

Then who killed Kirk Robbin?

I don't know.

Didn't you kill Kirk Robbin?

I object, Your Honor.

And ask that the last question be stricken from the records.

It is merely an attempt to influence this intelligent,

broad-minded and most intellectual jury.

Objection sustained.

Thank you, Your Honor.

That is all.

Find the letter.

Quiet, Polly.

If it please the court, Your Honor,

at this time I would like to introduce

my three main witnesses, Howard, Fine and Howard.

They were here a minute ago.

Will you pardon me, Your Honor?

I'll be right back.

Hey. What's the idea of spoiling the game?

I was for onesies.

Well, here's twosies.

He was in onesies, you gave him two...

Here's fivesies. Oh.

Gentlemen. Gentlemen.

Don't you realize

Miss Gail Tempest's life is at stake?

Oh.

Aah.

Will you gentlemen

please try to be a little more quiet in the court?

Certainly, Judgey.

The gate is locked.

Will you please step forward?

No, no, no.

Prepare yourself for the witness box.

Take off your hat.

Now, raise your right hand.

Now, place your left hand here.

Take off your hat.

Raise your right hand.

Now, put your left hand here.

Please take off your hat.

Raise your right hand.

Now, put your left hand here.

Will you please take off your hat?

Raise your right hand.

Hm.

Now, put your left hand here.

Take off your hat!

Raise your right hand.

Will you get rid of that hat?

Raise your right hand.

Raise your right hand.

Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth?

Huh?

Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth?

Are you trying to give me the double talk?

Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth?

Why don't you answer him?

He's talking pig Latin.

I don't know what he's saying.

He's asking you if you swear...

No. But I know all the words.

He's asking you if you'll swear to tell the truth.

Truth is stranger than fiction, Judgey-Wudgey.

Kindly address this court as "Your Honor."

And take the oath.

Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth

and nothing but the truth?

Certainly. What have I got to lose?

Take the stand.

Where will I put it?

No, no.

Take the stand.

I got it. Now, what'll I do with it?

Sit down!

What's the matter with you? Oh.

Come on.

You're in a court. Not in Clancy's poolroom.

Sit down.

I'm a victim of circumstance.

Sit down. Who you hitting?

Oh! Go on. Get going.

Oh. Get out of here. Be quiet.

Proceed with the case.

Were you in the Black Bottom Café

on the night of February the 13th?

Certainly.

Did you at the time see the defendant,

Miss Gail Tempest,

in any way, shape, or form,

commit or try to commit

bodily harm to the deceased Kirk Robbin?

I object, Your Honor.

Counsel is trying to lead the witness.

Objection sustained.

Mm.

Mr. Howard. Did you see Miss Gail Tempest

in physical fight with Kirk Robbin?

If it pleases the court,

may I suggest that counsel be instructed

to allow the witness to testify to what he saw.

I say, Jasper, uh, what comes after 75?

Seventy-six. That's the spirit.

Request granted.

Proceed with the testimony.

Mr. Howard... kindly tell the court what you know

about the murder of Kirk Robbin.

Well, it was like this, Mr. Court...

Address the judge as "Your Honor."

Well, it was like this, My Honor...

"Your Honor." Not "My Honor."

Why? Don't you like him?

Allow the witness to proceed.

The court understands him.

Thanks, Courty.

You're a pal.

Well, me and my pals, we're musicians.

We were tearing up some hot swing music

in the orchestra.

Gail over there was swinging her fans.

Her sweetie, Kirk Robbin,

was inhaling a bottle of hooch at a table.

And a hoofer by the name of Buck Wing

was getting ready to shake his tootsies.

Kindly speak English and drop the vernacular.

Vernacular?

That's a derby.

Drop the vernacular.

No, no. Not that.

Talk so the jury can understand.

Is everybody dumb?

Say, Judgey, if you let me,

my partner and Gaily

kind of act it out for you,

we'll show you just what happened.

If counsel doesn't object, that's an excellent idea.

No objections.

No objections. No objections.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Okay, Gaily.

A tarantula.

Get it away from me.

Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Ow!

What's the matter with you?

I killed it!

What's the matter with you?

Oh. A field mouse.

Stand back. It's liable to bite you.

Tarantula?

Shot five holes in a divot.

Get out of here. Go on.

Wasted five good slugs on a...

I'll sue you for this.

Oh, superstitious, eh?

Oh, Vici Kid.

Gentlemen, you must control your killing instincts.

Proceed with the testimony, please.

Proceed.

Pro... Ow! Mm.

That was sure hot, Moe.

Hey, Larry.

Listen.

You got it.

Please omit the rest of the entertainment

and continue.

Now, Gaily's dance was over.

I stuck my head in the office door,

and I saw Kirk Robbin and Buck Wing

arguing over by the parrot cage.

What were they arguing about?

I don't know. But Buck Wing was sizzling

like a hot hamburger.

He grabs Kirk by the neck, like that, see,

and drags him over to the letter press, see?

Then he smacks him on the head, like that. Oh.

Then he pokes his coconut into the letter press,

see, like that. Then he says:

"I'll squeeze the cider out of your Adam's apple."

Then he gives him the works, like this.

Then he keeps turning...

and twisting.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is...

What's the matter, do you want to kill me?

Why, it's preposterous.

When the police broke into the office,

they found this woman... The defendant, Gail Tempest

bending over the body of the murdered man

with a revolver clutching in her hand.

Which only goes to prove that my client is innocent.

Innocent? Exactly.

And I'll prove it.

Ladies and gentlemen, the action

of this pistol is so hard...

it would take the strength

of a mule to pull the trigger.

Try it.

I'm no mule.

No, your ears are too short.

Come on.

Mm. So I'm a mule.

Pull the trigger.

Never fear. It's not loaded.

Hm.

Nyuck, nyuck.

How could Gail Tempest's frail little finger

pull the rusty trigger

of that instrument of destruction?

See, there was nothing in it.

Ooh.

Broad Lane, 9972.

After 5:00.

It's stuck. Help me. Oh.

What... What's the... Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

What'd you do with my boutonniere?

Give me that thing. What happened?

Don't point that gun at me. What happened?

What happened?

Woo.

Every man for himself, fellas.

Here. Take it.

Ah, there you are, boss.

You was called to be a witness, wasn't you?

Certainly. So was you.

What are you butting in for?

You're supposed to be a good one, ain't you?

Well, ain't I?

Then what are you disturbing the court for?

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck... Oh!

Get going.

Stop chewing that gum.

Certainly.

Will you throw that gum away?

Look, I got rid of it.

Wait a minute. Hold still.

I'll get it.

Ow!

Ow, my nose.

Woo! Woo!

Hey, you're in a court.

Not in the woods, Tarzan.

Cut it out. Oh.

Come on.

Order in this court.

Find the letter.

Find the letter.

What does this parrot mean

by "find the letter"?

There's a whole pile of letters there.

Must be here.

Look. There's a note tied to the parrot's foot.

Come on, Polly, Polly, Polly.

Come on, Polly, Polly, Polly.

Come on, Polly, Polly, Polly.

Come on.

Ouch!

- Look out, here it comes. - Catch that parrot.

Hey.

Oh. My Stradivarius.

Oh, my beautiful Stradivarius.

Grab your ear.

Come on. Ooh! Oh!

Oh.

Find the letter.

Find the letter.

How will we get him now?

Let's get some salt and put it on his tail.

That's no way to get a parrot.

You got to wet his feathers so he can't fly.

Oh, don't do nothing till you hear from me.

Come on.

Give me a hand.

Wait a minute. Hold it.

What do you mean...?

I object, Your Honor.

These proceedings, this courtroom...

Mm. What's the idea?

Give me that hose.

Due to the a...

What? Wha...

We gotta get that parrot.

Hey, you.

Oh.

What a night.

Shut that off. Wait a minute.

I'll have to tie a knot in it.

Give me that. I... I got it.

Got it?

Get this:

"Who killed Kirk Robbin?

"I killed Kirk Robbin. And not with my little bow and arrow.

"Don't try to find me, as I'm shuffling off to Buffalo.

Signed, Buck Wing."

Hurray!

Hurray!

We're free!

You freed her.

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Just a second now.

Now... ready?

Hold it.