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1
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PRINCIPAL:
Principal Vagina here...
2
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,202
Don't let the name fool you.
I'm very much in charge...
3
00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:39,122
reminding you that tonight is
our annual Flu Season Dance.
4
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,165
I don't know how many times
I have to say this,
5
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:43,126
but if you have the flu,
stay home.
6
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,210
Hey.
7
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,045
The Flu Season Dance is about
awareness, not celebration.
8
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:47,463
[ sighs ]
9
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,382
You don't bring dead babies
to Passover.
10
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:53,469
Okay. Here we go.
H-Hey, Jessica. Uh...
11
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,513
What's up, Morty?
[ sneezes ]
12
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:56,806
What are you doing?
13
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,516
- Um...
- Wait, wait.
14
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,727
Were you about to talk...
to her?
15
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:03,229
Well... I mean, I was
thinking about it.
16
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,273
Dude, stay in your league.
17
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,608
Look at how hot she is.
You don't see me going...
18
00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,444
to a bigger school
in a wealthier district
19
00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,112
and hitting on their
prettiest girl.
20
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:12,530
Gee, thanks, Brad.
21
00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:14,240
I throw balls far.
22
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,825
You want good words?
23
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,535
Date a languager.
24
00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:19,370
JERRY:
Try not to worry about it, Morty.
25
00:01:19,455 --> 00:01:21,205
You're a good kid,
and there's not a premium
26
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,090
on that right now,
but you'll be getting girls
27
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,751
sometime after Brad's
out of shape.
28
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,475
[ sighing ]
You're missing the point, Dad.
29
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:29,046
I don't want girls.
I want Jessica.
30
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,924
Ah, well, I remember
feeling that way
31
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:34,093
about a young lady named
"your mom,"
32
00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,553
and that's not an urban diss.
33
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,138
Your mom was my Jessica.
34
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,639
I remember the first time
I saw her.
35
00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,183
I thought...
- "I should get her pregnant,
36
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:41,684
and then she'll have
to marry me."
37
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,895
I beg your pardon, Rick...
inappropriate.
38
00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:45,563
Sorry, please proceed
with your story
39
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:47,273
about banging my daughter
in high school.
40
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,692
I'm not sure you wanna take
romantic advice from this guy, Morty.
41
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,694
His marriage is hanging
from a thread.
42
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,071
My marriage is fine, thank you.
43
00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:55,698
Jerry, it's your house...
whatever you say it is
44
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,575
is how it is... but I think
a blind man could see
45
00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,285
that Beth is looking
for the door.
46
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,579
I barely have a reason to care,
and even I noticed.
47
00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,873
Come on, Rick! Don't talk
about my parents like that.
48
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,708
Listen, Morty, I hate
to break it to you,
49
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,376
but what people call "love"
50
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,742
is just a chemical reaction that
compels animals to breed.
51
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:12,381
It hits hard, Morty,
then it slowly fades,
52
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,383
leaving you stranded
in a failing marriage.
53
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,385
I did it.
Your parents are gonna do it.
54
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,762
Break the cycle, Morty.
55
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:19,639
Rise above. Focus on science.
56
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,641
[ slurps ]
57
00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:24,602
All right, well, I'm gonna go
get dressed for the dance.
58
00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:28,481
Yeah, I'm just going to...
check on your mom.
59
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:29,774
[ dog barking ]
60
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,944
Morty, hand me
that screwdriver, huh?
61
00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:35,780
I'm almost finished making
my ionic defibulizer, Morty.
62
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,740
It's gonna be great.
- Hey, listen, Rick.
63
00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,617
Y-Y-You know how you said
that, you know,
64
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,701
love is a chemical
and all that stuff from earlier?
65
00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:42,985
Well, I was thinking, you know,
66
00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:45,665
w-w... could you make some sort
of chemical thing happen
67
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,208
inside of Jessica's mind,
you know,
68
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:48,876
so where she falls in love
with me
69
00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:50,378
and all that sort of thing?
70
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,463
You know, like, some sort
of love potion or something?
71
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,148
Morty, that's such
a poor use of my time.
72
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,467
It's beneath me.
Hand me the screwdriver.
73
00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:58,135
You know what?
No, Rick!
74
00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,762
I'm not gonna hand you
the screwdriver.
75
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,847
I-I'm not gonna hand you
anything ever again, Rick!
76
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:04,183
I'm always helping you with this
and that and the other thing.
77
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,352
W-W-W-W-W-What about me,
Rick?
78
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,354
W-W-W-W-Why can't you just
help me out once...
79
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,772
once... for once?
80
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,941
[ groans ]
You're growing up fast, Morty.
81
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:15,027
You're growing into a real big
thorn straight up into my ass.
82
00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,029
Listen, this is called oxytocin.
83
00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:18,489
I extracted it from a vole.
84
00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,199
Do you know what a vole is,
Morty?
85
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:21,951
You know what a vole is?
It's a... it's a rodent
86
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,661
that mates for life, Morty.
87
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:26,105
This is the chemical released
in a mammal's brain, you know,
88
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,456
that makes it fall in love.
89
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,792
I just gotta... [burps]
combine it with your DNA.
90
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,627
Oh, well, okay.
91
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,629
A hair, Morty.
I need one of your hairs.
92
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,381
This isn't
"Game of Thrones."
93
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:36,924
Ow!
94
00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:38,929
All right, Morty, whoever
you smear this stuff on
95
00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:40,971
will fall in love with you,
and only you, forever.
96
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,972
Are you happy now, Morty?
- Heck, yeah!
97
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,057
Thank you, Grandpa Rick.
98
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,934
Hey, there's no...
dangers or anything,
99
00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:48,477
or side effects, right?
100
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,146
W-W-W-What am I,
a hack?
101
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,398
Go nuts, Morty.
It's foolproof.
102
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,986
Eh, unless she has the flu.
103
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,864
Beth, do y-you still
love me?
104
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,283
Ugh, what kind
of question is that?
105
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,201
The "yes or no" kind?
[ laughs nervously ]
106
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,704
Jerry, do you want
homeless people to have homes?
107
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:07,955
Yes.
108
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,040
Are you gonna build them?
109
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:10,166
No.
110
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,834
Then what good was the "yes"?
111
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,837
Wait, i-is loving me the house
or the homeless people?
112
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,715
Loving you is work,
Jerry... hard work,
113
00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,717
like building
a homeless shelter...
114
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,636
nobody wants to say
no to doing it,
115
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,346
but some people put the work in.
116
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,514
So, what do you say?
Do you see me working here?
117
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,892
Does this conversation seem
tedious to me?
118
00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:29,226
Sort of.
119
00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:30,937
Then I obviously
sort of love you, don't I?
120
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,271
[ cellphone chimes ]
121
00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:34,023
So stop asking, and maybe
I'll love you more.
122
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,025
Crap, they need me
at the horse hospital.
123
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,276
Puh! This late?
124
00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,570
The racetrack
had a starlight derby.
125
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,113
There was a seven-horse
collision,
126
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,074
and Davin's there alone.
127
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:45,993
[ thinking ]
Davin. Davin.
128
00:04:46,078 --> 00:04:48,204
Davin! Davin.
129
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,539
Davin!
Davin!
130
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,917
Davin! Davin!
131
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,919
[ rapping ]
♪ Flu, yo. You gotta be aware ♪
132
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:56,921
♪ Aware of all the flu
up in the air ♪
133
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:59,590
♪ I'm-a get me a shot,
make the flu go away ♪
134
00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,884
♪ Flu-hating rapper,
just rapping away ♪
135
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,261
♪ Yo, yo,
flu-hating rapper ♪
136
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:05,596
♪ It's a flu-hating rap ♪
137
00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:09,976
Hey, there, Jessica.
Whoa! Oh, whoopsie!
138
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,520
Oh, my god.
Morty.
139
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,772
You look really nice tonight.
140
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:17,775
- Wow, thanks.
- I love you, Morty!
141
00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:19,777
I love you so much it burns!
142
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,780
Oh, man!
I-I love you too, Jessica!
143
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:23,990
[ spits ]
144
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,992
ls this punk bothering you,
Jessica?
145
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,411
Leave him alone, jerk!
I'm in love with him!
146
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,413
He is more man
than you will ever be!
147
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:31,622
[ sneezes ]
148
00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:33,582
[ rapping ]
♪ This is about flu awareness ♪
149
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,210
♪ Gotta be aware of the flu
in the air-ness ♪
150
00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:38,546
♪ Yo, I'm a flu-hating
rapper ♪
151
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,548
Oh, man, Morty.
[ sighs ]
152
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:42,216
I'm really sorry.
153
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,635
Oh, well,
n-no problem, Brad.
154
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,887
There's something special
about you, Morty...
155
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:48,305
so special.
156
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,307
Whoa, take it easy!
Get your hands off of him!
157
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:52,309
Back off!
I'm trying to be with my man!
158
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,894
That's enough, Bradley!
159
00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:55,646
We don't want you injuring
your ball-throwing arm.
160
00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:57,148
Oh, come on,
Principal Vagina. I just...
161
00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,400
Never leave me, Morty.
Never!
162
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:02,445
Uh, sure.
I mean, o-of course not.
163
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,947
W-What do you think that
was all about?
164
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,699
Who cares? Just hold me.
165
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:09,118
Let me go!
I love you, Morty!
166
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,327
[ sneezes ]
167
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,954
Let go of me!
168
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,707
[ sneezes ] Morty!
169
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,422
JERRY: She's gonna be alone
with that guy all night.
170
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:23,424
Yeah, Dad, digging
around the insides of horses.
171
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,217
It's not a very romantic setting.
172
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:26,969
RICK: Well, Summer,
there's always the possibility
173
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,679
that she made the whole
work thing up.
174
00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,681
Maybe Davin's digging around
in her insides.
175
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:33,642
Grandpa, so gross!
You're talking about my mom.
176
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,311
Well, she's my daughter, Summer.
177
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,812
I outrank you.
178
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,565
Or family means nothing, in
which case don't play that card.
179
00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:41,358
She's not responding
to my texts!
180
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,819
Careful, Dad.
Jealousy turns women off.
181
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,571
Well, isn't that convenient?
182
00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,364
Not for the men
they cheat on, no.
183
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,784
Okay, I'm...
going to go out...
184
00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,118
for some ice cream.
185
00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:52,703
And maybe
stop by the hospital...
186
00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:54,663
to support my wife...
187
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,957
with my confidence.
[ door closes ]
188
00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:59,168
God, Grandpa,
you're such a dick.
189
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,962
I'm sorry, Summer. Your opinion
means very little to me.
190
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:04,131
How come you're not at this
stupid dance everyone loves?
191
00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:06,133
Screw that.
I don't wanna get sick.
192
00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:07,885
It's flu season.
- It is?
193
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,595
- Yeah.
- Uh-oh.
194
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,640
[ hip-hop music plays ]
195
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,061
Please just let this work out.
196
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:20,022
[ moans ]
Do it, Morty. Do it.
197
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:23,067
Rip my clothes off
and mate with me for life!
198
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,151
[ growls ]
199
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,946
Um... can we maybe go
somewhere more private?
200
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:29,115
Jessica, get a hold of yourself!
201
00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,699
[ grunts ]
202
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,452
You don't deserve to carry
Morty's genes.
203
00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,663
[ rapping ] ♪ I love Morty ♪
204
00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:38,165
♪ and I hope Morty loves me ♪
205
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,876
♪ I'd like to wrap my arms
around him ♪
206
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:43,170
♪ and feel him inside me ♪
207
00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:44,755
Oh, crap.
208
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,258
[ indistinct shouting ]
209
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,260
JESSICA:
Morty!
210
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:51,762
Morty, come on!
We gotta get you out of here.
211
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,764
You won't believe this 'cause
it usually never happens,
212
00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:55,224
but I made a mistake.
213
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,642
[ both panting ]
214
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,435
Come on, Morty.
We got to get out of here.
215
00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,353
Come on.
- Morty!
216
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,563
- MORTY: [ wails ]
- VAGINA: Are you okay?
217
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,439
- I'm fine!
- Oh, good.
218
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:05,109
If anything ever happened to
you, I would kill myself.
219
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,278
I love you bad, Mo-Mo!
220
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,029
[ all panting ]
221
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,282
[ indistinct shouting ]
222
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,200
Morty, the principal and I
have discussed it,
223
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:16,787
a-a-and we're both insecure
enough to agree to a three-way!
224
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,209
I didn't realize
when I gave you that serum
225
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,086
that Jessica had the flu...
you know,
226
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,922
t-t-t-t-t-that might have been
valuable information for me!
227
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,287
What the hell is going on, Rick?
228
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,800
What does it look like?
229
00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:31,468
T-T-T-The serum is
piggybacking on the virus.
230
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:32,970
It's gone airborne, Morty.
231
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,514
Oh, crap.
What are we gonna do, Rick?
232
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,099
It's gonna be fine,
Morty, relax.
233
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,225
I whipped up an antidote.
234
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,477
It's based on praying-mantis
DNA.
235
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,479
You know, praying mantises
are the exact opposite of voles.
236
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,814
I mean, they...
they mate once,
237
00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,779
and then they, you know,
decapitate the partner.
238
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,234
I mean, it's a whole ritual.
239
00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:49,361
It's really gruesome
and totally opposite.
240
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,779
There's no love at all.
241
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,240
I-I-I basically mixed this with
a more contagious flu virus.
242
00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,784
It should neutralize
the whole thing, Morty.
243
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,494
It'll all be over very shortly.
244
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,413
[ indistinct shouting ]
245
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,043
Uh, by the way, Morty, I know
you didn't ask or anything,
246
00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,045
but I'm not interested
in having sex with you.
247
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,755
These serums, they don't
work on anybody
248
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,173
related to you genetically.
249
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:12,134
Morty!
250
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,553
[ all groaning ]
251
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,605
Okay, well, sometimes,
252
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,607
science is more art
than science, Morty.
253
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,567
A lot of people don't get that.
254
00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:33,197
[ gasps ]
255
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,866
[ tires screech ]
256
00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,701
Come on.
Are you kidding me?
257
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,663
Hello!
- Morty!
258
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,749
You're not Morty!
Bring us Morty!
259
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,759
[ gun cocks ]
Nobody's killing me...
260
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:57,012
until after I catch my wife
with another man.
261
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,348
WOMAN ON TV:
I had sex with Billy.
262
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,183
WOMAN ♪2:
But you were already pregnant!
263
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,768
Yeah, so what's the worst
that could happen?
264
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:05,646
We interrupt "Pregnant Baby"
with breaking news.
265
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,273
[ groans ] Come on.
266
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,733
This just in... Morty Smith's
whereabouts are still unknown.
267
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,777
What the hell?
268
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:14,613
The only thing that is known
is... how cute he is.
269
00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:17,199
I love him so much, I want
to make love to him
270
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,867
and then eat his head.
271
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,869
I love him more than you do,
Harold!
272
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,621
You wish, you stupid bitch!
273
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:24,248
- Morty's mine!
- Morty's mine!
274
00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:25,708
Meant to be together!
275
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,877
[ speaking Arabic] Morty!
276
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,588
[ speaking Arabic]
277
00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:35,217
[ banging on door ]
278
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,760
Where is Morty?
279
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:39,847
[ screams ]
280
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:50,107
[ conversing in foreign language ]
281
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:53,527
Oh, my god, Rick.
The whole world is infected!
282
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,738
Yeah, it's pretty wild
how fast that spread.
283
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,990
I've really outdone myself.
- Outdone yourself?!
284
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,908
W-W... a-are... are you
kidding me, Rick?
285
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,535
This is not okay!
286
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,329
Not only do they all want
to have sex with me,
287
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:05,373
but, you know, now they want
to eat me afterwards!
288
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,790
Yeah, I don't know what
I was thinking.
289
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,542
Mantises are
the opposite of voles?
290
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:11,253
I mean, obviously, DNA's more
complicated than that.
291
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,629
You know what, though, Morty?
292
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,465
This right here's gonna do
the trick, baby.
293
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:16,967
It's koala mixed
with rattlesnake, chimpanzee,
294
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:19,303
cactus, shark, golden retriever,
295
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,180
and just a smidge of dinosaur.
296
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:22,931
Should add up
to normal humanity.
297
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,776
I don't... that doesn't make
any sense, Rick.
298
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,810
How does that add up
to normal humanity?
299
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,562
What, Morty, you want me
to show you my math?
300
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,230
I'm sorry... a-are you
the scientist
301
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,107
or are you the kid
that wanted to get laid?
302
00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:35,277
[ exhales deeply ]
303
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,154
Well, I'm glad we saved
all those horses,
304
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,156
but I'm almost sorry
we're finished.
305
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,741
Yes, it's satisfying work.
306
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,910
Unh-unh-unh, it's, uh...
it's more than the work.
307
00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:45,412
I love being
in that sterilized room,
308
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,664
sealed off from the world.
309
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,000
It's the only time I can
really think... and feel.
310
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,210
[ slow music plays ]
311
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:53,587
Hmm, uh, what are you doing?
312
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,756
I'm playing African dream pop.
313
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,966
What do you do
after a long night?
314
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,134
[ click ]
315
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,012
Oh, ha, um, hey, I b...
I'd better get going.
316
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:04,765
Um, Jerry's been texting some
pretty high-maintenance stuff.
317
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,725
- Beth...
- What is it, Davin?
318
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,645
Just once, I'd like to know...
319
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,729
[ sneezes ]
320
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,233
w-w-what it was like
to give your son a bath.
321
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:15,401
What?!
322
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:18,821
What does Morty's skin
smell like?
323
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,448
How soft...
[ grunts ]
324
00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:23,867
How soft are his privates?
325
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,786
Let go of me, Davin!
326
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,205
[ glass shatters ]
327
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:31,583
[ roars ]
328
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,794
Take me to Morty.
329
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,045
[ grunts ]
330
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,922
You're not Morty.
331
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,466
No, I'm Mr. Crowbar,
332
00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:41,802
and this is my friend,
333
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,096
who is also a crowbar.
334
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,973
That's... stupid.
335
00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:48,809
[ grunting ]
336
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:50,018
Yeah?
337
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,854
Well, look where being
smart got you.
338
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,856
Jerry! Thank God!
339
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,023
God?
340
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,110
God's turning people
into insect monsters, Beth.
341
00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,279
I'm the one beating them
to death.
342
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:02,614
Thank me.
- Thank you, Jerry.
343
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:04,032
Thank you.
344
00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:10,747
Take a good look down there,
Morty, and soak it in,
345
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,291
because, you know,
once I pull this lever,
346
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,667
it's all back to normal.
347
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,210
Just do it already.
348
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,045
Well, technically,
Morty, there's no rush.
349
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,970
I mean, you know,
o-once it's fixed, it's done.
350
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:20,799
It's fixed.
You know, we could...
351
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,801
we could just enjoy it
for a little bit.
352
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:24,261
I mean, I-I-I-look
at how crazy it is.
353
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,929
I mean, Morty,
w-w-when's the next time
354
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,454
you're gonna see
something like this?
355
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:28,974
I mean, soak it in, you know?
356
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,642
It's... it's pretty neat.
It's pretty interesting.
357
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,247
That's it, Rick!
I'm pulling the lever.
358
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,645
[ grunts ]
359
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,028
W-What do we have here,
Morty?
360
00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:42,952
Looks like I was right
and you were wrong, huh?
361
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,991
I-I-I-l-I bet you feel pretty
stupid right about now, huh?
362
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:47,868
I-I-I bet you feel like
the world's smallest man
363
00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:50,162
that you were doubting me about
this whole thing, Morty.
364
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,122
Oh, Rick, something's not right.
365
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:53,790
[ sighs ] Yeah, you.
366
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,125
You're not right... ever.
367
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,002
No, no!
Look, you idiot!
368
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,837
[ all screaming ]
369
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,183
[ all speaking foreign language]
370
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:15,354
[ all groaning ]
371
00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:20,108
[ all speaking foreign language ]
372
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,070
Bet you're loving this, Morty.
373
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:25,155
This must be the best day
of your life.
374
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,075
You get to be the mayor
of l-Told-You Town.
375
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,160
[ slurps ] You're welcome.
376
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:31,245
[ slurps ]
377
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,964
- Hold on.
- [ whimpers ]
378
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:45,133
[ engine revs, tires squeal ]
379
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,399
[ gun cocks ]
380
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:02,776
I wish that shotgun
was my penis.
381
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,737
If it were, you could
call me Ernest Hemingway.
382
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,365
I don't get it,
and I don't need to.
383
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:09,449
[ both moaning ]
384
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,368
SUMMER:
Mom! Dad!
385
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,161
BOTH:
Summer!
386
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:15,080
[ sighs ]
387
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,290
Where's Morty?
388
00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:17,666
I don't know.
389
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,835
Do you think Grandpa Rick had
something to do with this?
390
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,670
It's not fair to
assume that, Summer.
391
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,714
Oh, not fair?
Give me a break.
392
00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:25,799
He is a selfish,
irresponsible ass,
393
00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:27,259
and he left my mother.
394
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:30,137
A real man stands by his woman.
395
00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:35,017
[ both moaning ]
396
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,853
♪ Tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo-tchoo.
Tchoo-tchoo ♪
397
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,522
Boy, I really Cronenberged
the world up, didn't I?
398
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,357
We got a whole planet of
Cronenbergs
399
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,026
walking around
down there, Morty.
400
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:46,111
A-At least they're not in love
with you anymore, though.
401
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,946
That's a huge step
in the right direction.
402
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,240
Oh, my God!
It's a living nightmare!
403
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:52,784
How could you be
so irresponsible, Rick?
404
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,287
Me irresponsible?! You...
all I wanted you to do
405
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,039
was hand me
a screwdriver, Morty!
406
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,791
You're the one who wanted to
be... wanted me to buckle down
407
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:02,127
and make you up a...
roofie-juice serum
408
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:05,339
so you could roofie that
poor girl at your school.
409
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,383
I mean, g... w-w-w-w-w... w...
are you kidding me, Morty?
410
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,468
You're gonna try to take
the high road on this one?
411
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,928
Y-Y-Y-Y-You're a little
creep, Morty.
412
00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:13,305
Y-You're a... you're...
you're...
413
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,307
you're just a little creepy...
creep person.
414
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,017
All right, fine. I should have
just listened to you
415
00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:18,644
when you refused to make
the serum.
416
00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,562
I'm willing to accept my part of
the blame for this, Rick.
417
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,272
But I'll tell you something...
you know what?
418
00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:23,940
You gotta accept your part
of the blame!
419
00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,734
I'm not the one
who fouled up the serum!
420
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,569
I'm not the one who...
who... who...
421
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,029
who haphazardly, you know,
422
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:30,697
mixed a bunch of nonsense
together
423
00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:32,491
and created a bunch of
Cronenbergs!
424
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,868
You gotta fix this, Rick!
- All right, all right, Morty.
425
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:36,578
You know, w-w-w-we are
in a pretty deep hole, here,
426
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,373
but I do have one emergency
solution that I can use
427
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,291
that'll kind of put
everything back to normal,
428
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:42,751
relatively speaking.
429
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,252
Here, Morty, put this on
while I do
430
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,254
a little bit of scouting.
431
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:51,051
[ birds chirping ]
432
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,602
MORTY:
Wow, Rick, I gotta say...
433
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,767
you really pulled a rabbit out
of your hat this time.
434
00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:04,731
I mean, l-I really thought
that the whole place
435
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:06,608
was gonna be messed up for good,
436
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,568
but here, you did it...
y-y-you... you...
437
00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:10,320
you figured out that crazy
solution,
438
00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:11,488
like you always do.
439
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,323
Whoo!
That's some great luck.
440
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,325
Come on, Morty. Luck had
nothing to do with it.
441
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:18,370
I'm great.
That's the real reason.
442
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,497
Now, Morty, what do you
say, buddy?
443
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,332
Will you hand me a screwdriver
444
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,167
so I can finish my ionic
dis... defibulizer?
445
00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,503
Sure thing, Rick.
Here's a screwdriver.
446
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,797
All right, Morty.
Thank you very much.
447
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,800
We got one screw turn...
and two screw turns...
448
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,593
and...
449
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,142
All right, Morty, here we are.
450
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,144
Oh, my god, Rick!
Is that us?!
451
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,104
W-W-W-We're dead!
What is going on, Rick?
452
00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:45,689
I'm freaking out!
453
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:47,357
Calm down, Morty!
Look at me! Calm down, Morty!
454
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,067
No, I can't deal with this!
455
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,694
Calm yourself, Morty.
456
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,279
I can't deal with this, Rick!
457
00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:53,780
- Calm down, Morty.
- This can't be real!
458
00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:55,991
- You gotta calm down, Morty.
- W-W-W-W-We're ripped apart!
459
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,951
Shut up and listen to me!
460
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,286
It's fine.
Everything is fine.
461
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:00,787
There's an infinite number
of realities, Morty,
462
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:02,539
and in a few dozen of those,
463
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,583
I got lucky and turned
everything back to normal.
464
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:06,334
I just had to find one
of those realities
465
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,045
in which we also happen to both
die around this time.
466
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,589
Now we can just slip
into the place
467
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,174
of our dead selves
in this reality
468
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,842
and everything will be fine.
469
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,343
We're not skipping a beat,
Morty.
470
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,428
Now, help me with these bodies.
471
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,596
This is insane.
472
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,840
Look, Morty, I'll grab myself,
you grab yourself, okay?
473
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,266
I mean, t-t-t-that seems
fair to me...
474
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,310
I mean, that seems like
a fair way to divvy it up.
475
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,353
Rick, what about
the reality we left behind?
476
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,106
What about the reality where
Hitler cured cancer, Morty?
477
00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:29,608
The answer is don't
think about it.
478
00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:31,818
It's not like we can do this
every week, anyways.
479
00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:33,503
We get three or four more
of these, tops.
480
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:35,280
Now, pick up your dead self
and come on.
481
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:36,615
Haste makes waste.
482
00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:38,825
I-I-I don't suppose you've
considered this detail,
483
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:41,411
but obviously, if I hadn't
screwed up as much as I did,
484
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:45,332
we'd be these guys right now,
so, again, you're welcome.
485
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:55,258
♪ Look on down from the bridge ♪
486
00:18:55,343 --> 00:19:02,432
♪ There's still fountains
down there ♪
487
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:11,191
♪ Look on down from the bridge ♪
488
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:18,532
♪ It's still raining up here ♪
489
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:29,042
♪ Everybody seems so far away
from me ♪
490
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:36,716
♪ Everybody just wants
to be free ♪
491
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:42,889
♪ Look away from the sky ♪
492
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:49,688
♪ It's no different
when you're leaving home ♪
493
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:58,572
♪ I can't be the same thing
to you now ♪
494
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:02,576
♪ I'm just gone ♪
495
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:08,290
♪ Just gone ♪
496
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:16,374
♪ How could I say goodbye? ♪
497
00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:24,264
You know, the thing
about a shark...
498
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:26,725
he's got lifeless eyes...
499
00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:28,727
black eyes, like a doll's eyes.
500
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,312
When he comes at ya,
501
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:32,314
he doesn't seem to be living
until he bites ya,
502
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:35,275
and then the... the blood,
and the red, and the water...
503
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:36,359
[ sighs ]
504
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,570
You ever wonder what happened
to Rick and Morty?
505
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:41,406
Sometimes.
But, I'm ashamed to admit,
506
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:47,037
now that they're gone,
I'm finally happy.
507
00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:49,247
Here we are, Cronenberg Morty...
508
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:50,874
a reality where
everyone in the world
509
00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:52,334
got genetically Cronenberged.
510
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,502
We'll fit right in,
Cronenberg Morty.
511
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,963
It'll be like we never even
left Cronenberg world.
512
00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:58,423
Yeah, Cronenberg Rick,
513
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,347
but, you know, I'm gonna miss
Cronenberg world,
514
00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:01,968
because everyone
was Cronenberged all along
515
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,720
like us from the beginning,
you know?
516
00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:05,347
I mean, l-I wish we hadn't
genetically ruined
517
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,349
Cronenberg World
beyond repair like we did,
518
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:09,976
you know, and turned everyone
into regular, normal people
519
00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:11,519
just walking around.
520
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,204
Don't you worry about
that sort of thing,
521
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,356
Cronenberg Morty.
522
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:17,734
Let's go make ourselves
at home, huh?
523
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:22,864
Did you get any of that?
524
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,908
It's a good-a show!
39130
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