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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Ah, and that was I Feel Pretty,
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underrated Amy Schumer flick.
What did you guys think?
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Honestly, I don't know why I even ask.
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Hey, Jay?
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Check out this cool
Halloween decoration I got.
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She hath made the gourd speak!
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She is a witch!
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No, Patience, it's motion activated.
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Battery... Never mind.
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Wait, does Patience not
know about Halloween?
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Oh, she is going to lose
her Satan-hating mind.
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- Halloween?
- It's a holiday: there's candy, kids dress up.
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Women dress down. It's
like Purim, but hornier.
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We used to hate Halloween,
but then Sam moved in,
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started leading a seance every
year, where she brings back
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a different dead person
for us to hang out with.
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She summons the dead?
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I must take leave from
thine evil presence.
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Ooh, my bad.
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So Patience doesn't seem
like a huge fan of Halloween.
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Babe, I don't think we
should do Halloween this year.
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What?
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Three years ago, our gazebo burned down.
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Two years ago, you almost died.
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Last year, a woman did die.
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Talk about a witch.
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Little ex-wife humor.
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And now we got a
Puritan ghost who spurts
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blood out of the walls when she's angry.
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How do you think she's
gonna react to seeing a bunch
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of kids dressed up
like demons and zombies?
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But, Jay, I love Halloween.
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Don't you think you're
overreacting a little bit?
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I wanted to wear my Atari shirt today.
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Do you know why I'm not wearing
my Atari shirt today, Sam?
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'Cause the wall blood
wouldn't come out of it.
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- The man makes a fair point.
- Fine.
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I guess we'll just have the
most boring Halloween ever.
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Happy, Jay?
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I won't be happy
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until this Halloween has
passed and no one has died.
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Love a man who sets a
low bar. That's my guy.
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This is outrageous!
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Someone stop this maniac!
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He has plans to sell my treasures.
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What's going on?
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Well, in lieu of anything fun this year,
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Jay and Samantha are planning
a Halloween yard sale.
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00:02:01,623 --> 00:02:04,583
Oh, no, if they sell the yard,
where will we chase butterflies?
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00:02:04,713 --> 00:02:07,629
Oh, yeah, this stuffed raven
should get at least five bucks.
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Are you mad?!
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We paid six in 1880!
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Do you have any idea what
that's worth in today's dollars?
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That is a genuine question.
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As a woman, I wasn't
allowed to study math.
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Attention, everyone.
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Patience wishes to address you all.
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You have the floor.
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Evil walks among us.
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The one you call Samantha,
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who can summon the dead
and predict the weather.
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Well, the weather one is
literally just an app on her phone.
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She must be held to account.
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Hence, we will try her as a witch.
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A witch trial.
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I mean, how Halloween is that?
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Isaac, why are you encouraging this?
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'Cause as an acute observer
of the political winds,
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I am trying stay on her good side.
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Obviously, I don't believe
in all of this witch business,
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but she's powerful, she's scary,
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and I for one support her.
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What sayeth you all?
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Well, we literally
have nothing else to do
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since Sam and Jay canceled Halloween.
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Seems like a harmless enough diversion.
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And I do love judging people.
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Oh, there's the accused now.
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Looking unusually feminine.
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Is that my old dress?
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Oh, is it? I found it when we
were clearing out the ballroom.
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It's kind of Halloween-y.
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Unless Jay says something
and then it's just a dress.
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Samantha, some news:
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you are hereby on trial for witchcraft.
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It was Patience's idea and I
for one think it's brilliant.
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How dost thou plead?
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Oh, Patience.
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Things have changed
in the past 400 years.
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Instead of turning on each other,
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women should be lifting each other up.
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She speaks of levitation!
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She's a witch.
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I'm sorry, it's politics.
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Okay, my point is, women don't need
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to tear each other down anymore.
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We are no longer second-class citizens.
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We can do anything that men can do.
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Sam, you said you wanted a couple guys
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to help lift the heavy
stuff for the yard sale?
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Yes, thank you, Mark.
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But just because there's a lot of stuff.
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Not because I'm a woman.
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Okay.
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So does an afternoon trial work for you?
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We're pretty open.
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Yeah, I'm not participating in this.
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Then ye shall be tried in absentia.
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Cool, someone
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let me know if I'm a witch.
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I'm going to go say goodbye to the yard.
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Hey, Jay?
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There's another one.
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Wow, there's so much stuff
in that creepy old ballroom.
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Where we hosted presidents and royalty.
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And ate what we were told was
the last Chinese river dolphin.
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Turns out we were wrong. Swindled.
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Some people have no ethics.
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Flower, what are you doing?
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Saying goodbye to
individual blades of grass.
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I'll miss you, Larry.
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- Goodbye, Steve.
- Hi, babe.
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How's the yard sale going?
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Whoa, whoa, what is all this?
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Oh, uh, the rake? I just
thought I'd tidy up out here.
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No, no, I mean the Bridgerton costume.
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Which, objectively, wow!
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But it's a costume!
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Okay, fine.
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So what? I like Halloween.
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We're not having a party,
we're not bringing anyone
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back from the dead.
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Just let us know if you need help.
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00:05:06,591 --> 00:05:08,462
So just let me have this.
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How much is this lizard bat thing?
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How did that get out here?
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Uh, I'm so sorry.
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That's actually not for sale.
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And for the record,
it's called a quasit.
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Thank you for clearing that up, Jay.
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Uh, but can I interest you
in, um, I don't know, like,
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a mummy-looking thing?
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It's just right over there.
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That's got to be fake, right?
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As far as the Egyptian
government is concerned.
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Samantha, are you sure you don't want
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to participate in your witch trial?
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I mean, you're kind of the star.
149
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No, Isaac, the whole thing's a joke.
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- What's a joke?
- Patience accused me of being a witch,
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so now, because we canceled Halloween
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and they have nothing else to do,
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they're hosting a witch trial.
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What?
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Why didn't you tell me this?
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- This is bad.
- It's just dumb ghost stuff.
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So, what, they decide I'm a witch?
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Then what?
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Babe, it's Patience.
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Okay? It's not another
ghost like Alberta,
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with a lame humming power.
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- Watch it.
- Or Hetty,
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who doesn't even have a power.
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That we know of!
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Oh, he is roasting you two.
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Okay, Founding Farter.
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My point is,
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Patience is not to be trifled with.
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And I'll just leave you with this.
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Historically, witch trials?
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They don't end well for the witches.
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Hmm.
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You should really refer
to her as "the accused."
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I mean, it's not
looking good, but still.
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No! You stepped on Derrick!
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Murderer!
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Oh, Mrs. Farnsby, hi.
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Hey, Sam, could you tell me more
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about this beautiful antique
table you've got over here?
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Do you think it could
support two or more adults?
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Ooh, those swingers are
gonna do it on that table.
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Ha!
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00:06:38,248 --> 00:06:40,554
And lastly, what about her ability
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to speaketh to all of ye?
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She walketh amongst the living,
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00:06:44,515 --> 00:06:46,386
yet speaketh to the dead?
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She's making some good points.
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And, also, the toast thing,
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where she warmeth the bread
with the devil's tongue?
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Although some arguments
are stronger than others.
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Okay, first of all, that was
a great closing statement.
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I began the day a skeptic,
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but after that eloquent summary,
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I'm voting witch.
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00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,970
- What say the rest of ye?
- Obviously,
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Sam is not a witch.
197
00:07:06,319 --> 00:07:07,886
- Not guilty.
- Well,
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she did cancel Halloween
199
00:07:09,453 --> 00:07:10,584
and didn't bring back the hot maid.
200
00:07:10,758 --> 00:07:12,107
So I'm gonna go witch.
201
00:07:12,238 --> 00:07:13,631
She's selling my penguin leashes.
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00:07:13,805 --> 00:07:14,849
She's a witch.
203
00:07:15,023 --> 00:07:17,983
I just don't think Sam
killed that vagrant.
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The issue is whether
or not Sam is a witch.
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00:07:19,376 --> 00:07:20,420
Oh!
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00:07:20,594 --> 00:07:22,944
Well, then, yeah,
she's probably a witch.
207
00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:24,642
Oh, this is crazy, that
woman buys my Momoa magazines.
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00:07:24,729 --> 00:07:25,947
Not guilty.
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00:07:26,034 --> 00:07:27,601
Fun fact.
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00:07:27,732 --> 00:07:29,864
Vikings believed in witches,
we called them "volva."
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Who is that fun for?
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00:07:31,431 --> 00:07:33,564
Guess not people who
wear small ugly hats.
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00:07:33,694 --> 00:07:36,175
- We need an answer.
- Fine.
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00:07:36,306 --> 00:07:39,352
Sam volva, Sam... volva.
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00:07:39,439 --> 00:07:41,615
There we have it. The group has spoken.
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Sam is a witch, and,
Patience, once again,
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00:07:44,401 --> 00:07:46,577
thank you for a delightful diversion,
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00:07:46,664 --> 00:07:48,100
This was fun.
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00:07:48,230 --> 00:07:50,972
She hath been convicted,
now for the punishment.
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00:07:51,059 --> 00:07:53,192
Oh, okay.
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00:07:53,323 --> 00:07:55,860
- There's a part two.
- For the crime of witchcraft,
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Samantha is hereby sentenced...
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to petrification.
224
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She shall be turned to stone.
225
00:08:02,984 --> 00:08:05,030
Well, I guess Jay better get used
226
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,032
to some stiff conversations.
227
00:08:08,903 --> 00:08:10,644
- Why dost thou chortle at Patience?
- Oh, sorry.
228
00:08:10,818 --> 00:08:12,385
Sorry, we shouldn't have laughed.
229
00:08:12,516 --> 00:08:14,387
Also, we shouldn't have
taken Sam for granite.
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00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:19,044
- Hey-oh!
- Laugh. But ye will see.
231
00:08:19,174 --> 00:08:21,307
Her flesh and bone will harden
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00:08:21,438 --> 00:08:23,875
with the swift judgement from above.
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00:08:24,005 --> 00:08:25,572
- Isn't bone already hard?
- Silence!
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00:08:25,703 --> 00:08:27,574
I am so sorry about them.
235
00:08:27,661 --> 00:08:30,621
Bone is soft if you say it is.
236
00:08:32,065 --> 00:08:34,146
Sam? Sam?
237
00:08:34,276 --> 00:08:35,626
Where... Hey, Mark.
238
00:08:35,713 --> 00:08:36,975
Have you seen Sam?
239
00:08:37,105 --> 00:08:38,368
She was just here.
240
00:08:38,442 --> 00:08:39,498
Hey, how much for this dragon trophy?
241
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How did that... That's not for sale.
242
00:08:43,895 --> 00:08:45,331
Uh, guys?
243
00:08:45,462 --> 00:08:47,855
Does that statue look like Sam to you?
244
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,117
That's funny.
245
00:08:49,248 --> 00:08:50,248
I guess it kind of does.
246
00:08:50,249 --> 00:08:51,859
Wait.
247
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,252
The dress.
248
00:08:53,383 --> 00:08:54,558
The Bridgerton hair.
249
00:08:54,688 --> 00:08:56,386
That's the rake she was holding.
250
00:08:58,257 --> 00:08:59,476
Oh, my God.
251
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:02,479
Patience turned Sam into stone.
252
00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:04,263
What the hell is a penguin leash?
253
00:09:04,437 --> 00:09:06,613
Hey, Jay, is this made for penguins
254
00:09:06,744 --> 00:09:07,745
or made out of penguins?
255
00:09:07,919 --> 00:09:10,356
Both. Now put that down.
256
00:09:14,508 --> 00:09:16,623
Are you sure you've never
seen this statue before?
257
00:09:16,754 --> 00:09:20,061
I have never seen this
thing in my life or since.
258
00:09:20,235 --> 00:09:21,802
Okay, we just got to talk to Patience.
259
00:09:21,933 --> 00:09:23,500
Maybe she can undo it.
260
00:09:26,503 --> 00:09:29,201
If you can hear me, Sam...
261
00:09:29,288 --> 00:09:31,421
I voted not guilty.
262
00:09:34,728 --> 00:09:36,034
Patience, this is insane.
263
00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:37,731
You have to turn Sam back.
264
00:09:37,862 --> 00:09:40,821
Patience more powerful
than Thor ever imagine.
265
00:09:40,908 --> 00:09:43,476
Man, have I hitched my
wagon to the right pony.
266
00:09:43,607 --> 00:09:45,391
Of course I will miss Flesh Samantha,
267
00:09:45,522 --> 00:09:47,262
as she will heretofore be known.
268
00:09:47,393 --> 00:09:48,481
Come on, Patience!
269
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,004
- Is there a way to fix Sam?
- There is.
270
00:09:50,091 --> 00:09:52,050
But she was convicted.
This is your doing.
271
00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:53,921
Well, we didn't know it was real.
272
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:56,333
We thought it was a joke, like where
does the general hide his armies?
273
00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:57,969
In his sleevies! That kind of thing!
274
00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,972
Who's chortling now?
275
00:10:01,973 --> 00:10:04,497
Not me, for laughter is forbidden.
276
00:10:06,325 --> 00:10:07,413
Mm...
277
00:10:09,371 --> 00:10:10,503
Uh, guys.
278
00:10:10,634 --> 00:10:11,809
Jay is selling Sam.
279
00:10:11,896 --> 00:10:13,637
- What?
- That not good.
280
00:10:13,767 --> 00:10:15,421
Trevor, you text Jay from the iPad.
281
00:10:15,508 --> 00:10:18,250
We'll go outside and
yell at Jay impotently.
282
00:10:18,424 --> 00:10:19,424
- Yeah.
- Oh.
283
00:10:19,469 --> 00:10:21,993
I'll give you six bucks for it.
284
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,080
Ugh.
285
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,648
I don't know, man.
286
00:10:24,778 --> 00:10:26,258
Okay, Jay may not know
that's the love of his life,
287
00:10:26,345 --> 00:10:27,694
but he must know that
stone's worth way more than...
288
00:10:27,868 --> 00:10:29,087
- Seven bucks.
- Sold.
289
00:10:29,217 --> 00:10:30,480
- Oh, come on!
- Oh...
290
00:10:30,654 --> 00:10:32,046
Someone do something.
291
00:10:32,177 --> 00:10:35,702
Perhaps finally, in this
most urgent moment of need,
292
00:10:35,789 --> 00:10:38,575
my heretofore dormant
ghost power will emerge.
293
00:10:44,232 --> 00:10:45,233
You still got nothing.
294
00:10:45,407 --> 00:10:47,192
Like your humming thing's so cool.
295
00:10:47,322 --> 00:10:48,933
Goodbye, Samantha.
296
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,282
- Enjoy new home.
- Oh!
297
00:10:50,456 --> 00:10:51,849
Get in there.
298
00:10:51,936 --> 00:10:53,720
This is insane! Sam,
we're trying to help!
299
00:10:53,894 --> 00:10:55,896
No! That's her head.
300
00:10:56,070 --> 00:10:57,550
- I'll see you.
- Oh!
301
00:10:57,681 --> 00:10:59,857
What the... ?
302
00:10:59,987 --> 00:11:00,987
Trevor. Oh.
303
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,642
"The statue is Sam."
304
00:11:02,773 --> 00:11:04,078
What does that even mean?
305
00:11:04,209 --> 00:11:05,950
Oh, come on.
306
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,952
I'll give chase.
307
00:11:08,039 --> 00:11:10,737
- 'Cause I can leave the property.
- Not now, Peter!
308
00:11:10,824 --> 00:11:13,392
"Patience turn to stone"
with a witch emoji?
309
00:11:13,523 --> 00:11:14,654
Ooh, nice touch.
310
00:11:14,785 --> 00:11:15,916
Oh, my God!
311
00:11:16,047 --> 00:11:17,265
I sold my wife!
312
00:11:17,396 --> 00:11:18,702
- Yes!
- Get him! Go!
313
00:11:21,661 --> 00:11:23,271
My eyes!
314
00:11:23,402 --> 00:11:25,099
The devil box is alight.
315
00:11:25,186 --> 00:11:27,493
Yes, yes. Sometimes,
they leave it on for us.
316
00:11:27,624 --> 00:11:29,582
I don't usually partake.
317
00:11:29,713 --> 00:11:31,192
Oh, but this is a good episode.
318
00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:32,542
Kaylee L. confronts Veronica
319
00:11:32,716 --> 00:11:34,979
for blowing up her co-listing in Laguna.
320
00:11:35,109 --> 00:11:38,069
Well, we must depart
forthwith, lest we be corrupted.
321
00:11:38,199 --> 00:11:39,636
Absolutely.
322
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:41,551
Or we stay here
323
00:11:41,725 --> 00:11:43,640
and bear witness to the sin,
324
00:11:43,727 --> 00:11:45,293
so that we may...
325
00:11:45,424 --> 00:11:47,121
warn others and stuff.
326
00:11:47,948 --> 00:11:49,123
Hmm...
327
00:11:50,690 --> 00:11:53,780
And is she Kaylee L.?
328
00:11:54,868 --> 00:11:57,218
Yes, and keep an eye on her mojito
329
00:11:57,349 --> 00:11:58,655
because... little hint...
330
00:11:58,742 --> 00:12:00,570
Veronica will soon be wearing it.
331
00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:02,397
Oh, and that's not all.
332
00:12:02,528 --> 00:12:04,922
You will not believe who shows
up to the twilight open house.
333
00:12:05,052 --> 00:12:07,533
- Is it the devil?
- Kind of.
334
00:12:07,620 --> 00:12:09,491
It's Kaylee's ex, Fletcher.
335
00:12:09,622 --> 00:12:10,754
Oh.
336
00:12:16,455 --> 00:12:18,805
- To bear witness.
- To bear witness.
337
00:12:19,763 --> 00:12:22,069
So this man bought your statue and...
338
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,984
I'm sorry, what do you want us to do?
339
00:12:24,071 --> 00:12:26,204
I just need to get it back,
and I need his home address.
340
00:12:26,334 --> 00:12:28,119
Now, I know you guys run plates,
341
00:12:28,249 --> 00:12:29,773
I watch TV.
342
00:12:29,903 --> 00:12:32,993
Right... but we only do
that when there's a crime.
343
00:12:33,124 --> 00:12:34,473
'Cause we're the police.
344
00:12:34,604 --> 00:12:36,127
Okay, Jay's getting nowhere.
345
00:12:36,257 --> 00:12:38,477
- Oh!
- Pete, what happened?
346
00:12:38,651 --> 00:12:39,826
He got on the highway, and I lost him.
347
00:12:39,957 --> 00:12:41,349
- Oh.
- Oh. I don't know if it's helpful,
348
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,003
but there was a bumper sticker.
349
00:12:43,134 --> 00:12:45,832
It said, "Captain Kaboom period com."
350
00:12:45,963 --> 00:12:48,182
Wait, Captain Kaboom dot com?
351
00:12:48,313 --> 00:12:49,749
What does that mean?
352
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:51,229
It's a website, it's the internet.
353
00:12:51,359 --> 00:12:52,665
That's the internet?
354
00:12:52,796 --> 00:12:54,493
What's the thing with the cat videos?
355
00:12:54,624 --> 00:12:56,669
Everyone just hang on. Watch.
356
00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:02,283
This feels like a stalker situation.
357
00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:03,850
Sir, be honest.
358
00:13:03,981 --> 00:13:05,852
Did this individual break your heart?
359
00:13:05,983 --> 00:13:08,202
What? No. I just want my statue back.
360
00:13:08,376 --> 00:13:10,552
What is this?
361
00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,990
Ahoy. I'm Captain Kaboom.
362
00:13:13,077 --> 00:13:14,818
Welcome to Kaboom World.
363
00:13:14,992 --> 00:13:16,646
Today, we're gonna see what happens
364
00:13:16,733 --> 00:13:19,649
when you put an M-80
inside an old microwave.
365
00:13:20,998 --> 00:13:22,521
Surely, he knows what will happen.
366
00:13:24,392 --> 00:13:26,090
- Kaboom.
- Was amazing!
367
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,701
Ugh, back in my day, there was
a guy who used to blow stuff up.
368
00:13:28,832 --> 00:13:30,485
His name was LBJ.
369
00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:33,010
But then we got high, and saw
a bunch of bands play on a farm,
370
00:13:33,140 --> 00:13:34,620
and I think that helped.
371
00:13:34,751 --> 00:13:38,067
Oh, no. I think I know why
this man bought that statue.
372
00:13:38,141 --> 00:13:40,321
Oh, my God.
373
00:13:40,495 --> 00:13:42,193
He's gonna blow up Sam.
374
00:13:42,194 --> 00:13:44,761
Samantha.
375
00:13:44,935 --> 00:13:47,502
- Click on bowling ball video.
- Thor.
376
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,161
Okay, fine, what if I
were to say that the statue
377
00:13:54,248 --> 00:13:55,293
is really a person,
378
00:13:55,423 --> 00:13:56,947
and that person
379
00:13:57,077 --> 00:13:58,296
is my wife?
380
00:13:58,470 --> 00:13:59,950
Well, in that case,
381
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,647
we'd probably contact
mental health services.
382
00:14:01,778 --> 00:14:06,217
- Okay, so then I'm not saying that.
- Good day, sir.
383
00:14:08,872 --> 00:14:10,047
What?
384
00:14:10,221 --> 00:14:11,831
Ooh, now he just has
to click on the link.
385
00:14:12,005 --> 00:14:13,659
A text from my iPad?
386
00:14:15,139 --> 00:14:18,969
Trevor, did you send me this? I
don't have time to watch a vid...
387
00:14:19,056 --> 00:14:21,101
Wait. That's the guy
I sold the statue to.
388
00:14:21,232 --> 00:14:22,842
- Yeah.
- Watch watermelon one.
389
00:14:23,016 --> 00:14:24,409
- So good.
- Shh.
390
00:14:24,583 --> 00:14:25,845
Hey, there, Kaboom Fam.
391
00:14:25,976 --> 00:14:27,499
Got something really special in today.
392
00:14:27,629 --> 00:14:29,457
You've been asking for limestone,
393
00:14:29,631 --> 00:14:32,069
I'm giving you limestone.
394
00:14:32,243 --> 00:14:33,984
Ah! That's the Sam statue.
395
00:14:34,114 --> 00:14:35,420
- Yes!
- Yes!
396
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:38,075
At 1700 hours today,
this thing's going...
397
00:14:38,205 --> 00:14:39,729
kaboom.
398
00:14:39,859 --> 00:14:41,382
Don't forget to like and subscribe.
399
00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:42,862
I know that house.
400
00:14:42,993 --> 00:14:44,298
How do I know that house?
401
00:14:44,429 --> 00:14:45,647
He's doing the finger-pinch thing.
402
00:14:45,778 --> 00:14:47,780
He's doing the finger-pinch thing.
403
00:14:47,911 --> 00:14:49,695
- That's to zoom in. Dot com.
- Wait.
404
00:14:49,869 --> 00:14:51,175
Is that a Sonic sign?
405
00:14:51,305 --> 00:14:52,785
- Ooh!
- Ooh, it's ironic.
406
00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:54,831
Samantha's always saying
that Sonic is gonna kill Jay,
407
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:57,007
but it may just be the
thing that saves her.
408
00:14:57,181 --> 00:15:00,793
Ironic Sonic. I think that was
a band that I dated back in '67.
409
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,013
I know where this is. Pete, let's ride.
410
00:15:04,318 --> 00:15:05,842
Because I can.
411
00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:07,104
- Shut up, Pete.
- Go!
412
00:15:07,234 --> 00:15:09,497
- And go save our girl!
- Okay!
413
00:15:11,543 --> 00:15:14,328
So you want the statue back?
414
00:15:14,502 --> 00:15:15,677
Yeah, I wasn't supposed to sell it.
415
00:15:15,808 --> 00:15:18,332
It got put out by accident, and...
416
00:15:18,463 --> 00:15:20,378
my wife is really attached to it.
417
00:15:20,465 --> 00:15:21,727
Sorry, man.
418
00:15:21,858 --> 00:15:24,034
I got big plans for that thing.
419
00:15:24,164 --> 00:15:26,514
Pete Martino.
Non-geographically bound ghost.
420
00:15:26,645 --> 00:15:28,473
Sergeant John Duffy. Retired.
421
00:15:28,603 --> 00:15:29,691
Served two tours in 'nam.
422
00:15:29,822 --> 00:15:32,433
Moved upstate for some peace and quiet.
423
00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:36,133
40 years later, I'm dead, and
this little maniac moves in.
424
00:15:36,263 --> 00:15:38,483
Come on, man. Give me a number.
425
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:39,745
How much do you want for it?
426
00:15:39,919 --> 00:15:41,094
It's not about the money.
427
00:15:41,225 --> 00:15:43,401
It's about the boom, bro.
428
00:15:43,575 --> 00:15:45,011
Got to give the people what they want.
429
00:15:45,142 --> 00:15:47,318
It's just... This
statue means a lot to me.
430
00:15:47,448 --> 00:15:48,885
I really need it back.
431
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:51,104
- His wife is the statue.
- Damn straight.
432
00:15:51,235 --> 00:15:53,498
I fought for this man's
right to marry a statue.
433
00:15:53,672 --> 00:15:55,152
I'll tell you what,
434
00:15:55,326 --> 00:15:57,415
you give me that weird monster thing
435
00:15:57,589 --> 00:15:58,720
I was looking at earlier,
436
00:15:58,851 --> 00:16:01,201
and I'll give you your statue back.
437
00:16:01,332 --> 00:16:03,073
The quasit?
438
00:16:03,203 --> 00:16:04,509
Jay, are we really driving
a hard bargain here?
439
00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:06,990
Fine. Deal. But can
I take the statue now?
440
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,730
I promise I'll come
back with the quasit.
441
00:16:08,905 --> 00:16:10,950
Sure, man. I trust you.
442
00:16:11,124 --> 00:16:12,647
Plus, I know where you live,
443
00:16:12,778 --> 00:16:15,128
and I have a lot of dynamite.
444
00:16:18,392 --> 00:16:19,698
Guys!
445
00:16:19,829 --> 00:16:20,878
We're back.
446
00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:22,657
We got the Sam statue.
447
00:16:22,788 --> 00:16:23,876
Ghosts, if you're here,
448
00:16:24,007 --> 00:16:25,573
get the Puritan
449
00:16:25,747 --> 00:16:27,358
to undo the stone thing.
450
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,621
And please hurry. This
morning, I was yelling at her
451
00:16:29,751 --> 00:16:31,188
about wearing a Halloween costume.
452
00:16:31,318 --> 00:16:33,843
I don't want that to be the
last conversation we had.
453
00:16:33,973 --> 00:16:36,106
Patience, you turn Stone Sam back
454
00:16:36,193 --> 00:16:38,325
into regular Sam right now, or else.
455
00:16:38,412 --> 00:16:39,936
'Twas not me who made her thus.
456
00:16:40,023 --> 00:16:41,568
All of ye convicted her.
457
00:16:41,569 --> 00:16:43,722
Patience, I am going
to say something to you
458
00:16:43,853 --> 00:16:45,985
that I have only ever told
two other people in my life,
459
00:16:46,159 --> 00:16:48,993
both of whom I wished
to procure me cocaine:
460
00:16:49,423 --> 00:16:50,598
please.
461
00:16:50,729 --> 00:16:52,209
The Lord's judgement is final.
462
00:16:52,339 --> 00:16:55,821
Once one strayeth from the
path of piety, one is lost.
463
00:16:57,431 --> 00:16:59,738
It's so interesting
you say that, Patience,
464
00:16:59,869 --> 00:17:01,827
because, earlier, I believe
465
00:17:01,914 --> 00:17:03,829
you did a bit of path-straying yourself.
466
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:06,223
I know not of what you speak.
467
00:17:06,397 --> 00:17:09,661
Oh, you don't want
me to speak of Laguna.
468
00:17:09,791 --> 00:17:11,228
I was bearing witness.
469
00:17:11,402 --> 00:17:12,838
You said you would never tell.
470
00:17:13,012 --> 00:17:14,013
What's going on here?
471
00:17:14,144 --> 00:17:15,449
I will tell them everything,
472
00:17:15,580 --> 00:17:16,798
including how you moved your body
473
00:17:16,973 --> 00:17:19,192
to that diabetes medicine commercial.
474
00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:24,109
Fine.
475
00:17:24,197 --> 00:17:26,112
So you'll turn her back?
476
00:17:26,243 --> 00:17:28,636
The power rests not with
me. It rests with ye.
477
00:17:28,767 --> 00:17:29,767
If you wish to reverse
478
00:17:29,811 --> 00:17:32,031
the sentence, simply vote again,
479
00:17:32,162 --> 00:17:33,380
and find Samantha innocent.
480
00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:35,992
Oh, yay!
481
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:37,950
It's gonna be okay, man.
482
00:17:38,081 --> 00:17:39,691
Flower, no!
483
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,172
Whoa...
484
00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:44,260
Oh, he's high.
485
00:17:46,219 --> 00:17:47,612
No!
486
00:17:47,742 --> 00:17:49,048
Ah!
487
00:17:49,614 --> 00:17:52,834
Sam! Sam!
488
00:17:53,009 --> 00:17:54,532
What?
489
00:17:54,662 --> 00:17:56,012
What are you guys doing?
490
00:17:56,099 --> 00:17:58,449
Oh, my God, you're okay.
491
00:17:58,579 --> 00:17:59,580
We thought you were stone,
492
00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:00,973
and then Jay sold you.
493
00:18:01,104 --> 00:18:03,889
And then the Kaboom man
was gonna blow you up.
494
00:18:03,976 --> 00:18:06,718
There really cool watermelon
video you need to see.
495
00:18:06,848 --> 00:18:09,677
- Of course I'm okay.
- But what happened? Where have you been?
496
00:18:09,808 --> 00:18:11,375
I sold Mrs. Farnsby a desk,
497
00:18:11,505 --> 00:18:13,943
and I was helping her take
it over to their place.
498
00:18:14,117 --> 00:18:15,727
At first, she wanted it in the study
499
00:18:15,857 --> 00:18:17,294
and then in the living room and...
500
00:18:17,424 --> 00:18:18,817
then she made me put it in a room
501
00:18:18,948 --> 00:18:19,948
that I don't want to talk about.
502
00:18:20,079 --> 00:18:21,863
But the statue was holding the rake.
503
00:18:22,038 --> 00:18:23,296
What? No.
504
00:18:23,297 --> 00:18:25,737
I just leaned the rake against
the statue before I left.
505
00:18:25,867 --> 00:18:28,131
We thought Patience turned you to stone
506
00:18:28,261 --> 00:18:30,002
after the ghosts convicted
you at the witch trial.
507
00:18:30,133 --> 00:18:31,961
You guys convicted me?
508
00:18:32,091 --> 00:18:33,875
Well, we were mad about Halloween.
509
00:18:34,006 --> 00:18:36,269
I urged you to testify on your behalf.
510
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,228
I told them you didn't
kill that vagrant.
511
00:18:38,358 --> 00:18:40,404
Wait, well, where did
the statue come from?
512
00:18:40,534 --> 00:18:42,536
Hetty said she didn't recognize it.
513
00:18:42,667 --> 00:18:44,234
It was in a crate in the ballroom.
514
00:18:44,364 --> 00:18:47,889
Ah. I guess that is
possible. We were so rich.
515
00:18:47,977 --> 00:18:49,500
Sometimes, we would just
buy things at auction
516
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,632
'cause we liked waving
the little paddle.
517
00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:54,161
Well, Patience, I guess your
spell didn't work after all.
518
00:18:54,248 --> 00:18:56,507
No matter. I've still
got the blood thing.
519
00:18:56,637 --> 00:18:57,899
Why don't you go hum about it?
520
00:18:59,292 --> 00:19:02,252
- That was devastating insult.
- All right.
521
00:19:02,382 --> 00:19:04,863
Everyone just needs to
back off. It's a good power.
522
00:19:04,994 --> 00:19:07,561
- I think it's a neat power.
- I swear to God, Pete.
523
00:19:13,263 --> 00:19:14,873
Aw, so you traded your
weird monster statue
524
00:19:15,004 --> 00:19:16,440
so this guy wouldn't blow me up?
525
00:19:16,570 --> 00:19:18,616
- Of course I did.
- And he did not hesitate.
526
00:19:18,746 --> 00:19:20,270
He agreed to it like that.
527
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,923
And we definitely didn't
stop at Sonic on the way home.
528
00:19:22,098 --> 00:19:23,577
- Too much detail, Pete.
- Sam,
529
00:19:23,708 --> 00:19:25,884
I thought I lost you,
530
00:19:25,971 --> 00:19:28,756
and it was the worst
feeling in the world.
531
00:19:28,887 --> 00:19:30,497
I'm so sorry that I yelled at you
532
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:32,108
for wanting to celebrate Halloween.
533
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:34,240
I love that you're
excited about that stuff,
534
00:19:34,327 --> 00:19:37,069
and I love that you decorate our mantel
535
00:19:37,156 --> 00:19:39,071
for different seasons and holidays.
536
00:19:39,202 --> 00:19:41,939
It's like we live in a
Starbucks. In a good way.
537
00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:43,249
Aw, Jay.
538
00:19:44,685 --> 00:19:45,730
Is touching.
539
00:19:45,904 --> 00:19:48,124
Small Man sure to reap many benefits,
540
00:19:48,254 --> 00:19:50,430
sexually, from those kind words.
541
00:19:50,561 --> 00:19:51,779
Everyone,
542
00:19:51,953 --> 00:19:53,825
Patience hath arrived at a decision.
543
00:19:53,955 --> 00:19:55,696
After much praying,
544
00:19:55,870 --> 00:19:57,568
it has become clear that
545
00:19:57,698 --> 00:19:59,048
I need to return to the dirt.
546
00:20:01,093 --> 00:20:02,703
- Girl, what? No.
- Oh, no. Why?
547
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:04,531
You just got here.
548
00:20:04,705 --> 00:20:06,533
Patience is returning to the dirt.
549
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,101
Hell yeah! I don't care.
550
00:20:09,232 --> 00:20:11,016
She tried to turn you into stone,
551
00:20:11,147 --> 00:20:13,366
and she cost me my quasit.
552
00:20:13,397 --> 00:20:15,542
I was tested, and I failed.
553
00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:18,719
The aboveground world has
far too much temptation.
554
00:20:19,764 --> 00:20:21,766
'Tis not a place for the pious.
555
00:20:21,896 --> 00:20:23,985
Well, as I said, women
should support women,
556
00:20:24,116 --> 00:20:26,249
so I fully support
your decision to leave
557
00:20:26,336 --> 00:20:28,338
and possibly never come back.
558
00:20:28,468 --> 00:20:29,991
It was good to know you.
559
00:20:30,122 --> 00:20:32,516
Now, I must return to the others.
560
00:20:33,473 --> 00:20:36,302
I'm sorry, did she say "others"?
561
00:20:36,389 --> 00:20:37,782
That not good.
562
00:20:37,912 --> 00:20:39,131
Oh, I don't like that at all.
563
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:46,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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